#65: Crush Central
Prompt: #65
Title: Crush Central
Pairing: Jongdae/Sehun
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 9,850
Summary: When Sehun becomes fast friends with outgoing and cheerful Kim Jongin, he really doesn’t expect to earn himself a gigantic, life-complicating crush on the boy's older brother as well.
Sehun wasn’t entirely sure how he had ended up here. Well, actually he was. He had let himself get dragged to the car by Jongin, pulled open the door with a clammy hand and gotten into the backseat in the most ungraceful way possible. So what he actually wasn’t sure about was why he had ended up in Kim Jongdae’s car, why he had thought becoming friends with Kim Jongin would be a good idea and why for fuck’s sake did it have to be Jongin’s older brother picking them up from the party they had just left?
On a rational level it made sense. Of course Jongin couldn’t have asked his parents, considering the fact that Jongin was miserably drunk and the farthest thing from stable on his feet. And according to him, his brother wasn’t going to give them a lecture because he had caught him sneaking in after his curfew often enough during Jongdae’s own high school years - several times not exactly sober, so the elder had no right to say anything. But a roasting wasn’t what Sehun was worried about. He would have taken his own parents sitting him down for an hour-long talk about responsible behavior and rules over coming face-to-face with Kim Jongdae anytime.
Because Jongin’s older brother, a second year in college majoring in music and business, was the epitome of perfection. He was good-looking, funny, patient and easy-going - and apparently the best brother a person could wish for. He also turned Sehun, usually so confident and able to talk himself into or out of any situation, into a bumbling, awkward and stuttering mess of extreme infatuation and life-complicating attraction.
Just like he was doing right then, as he laughed at his brother’s pathetic attempts to maneuver himself into the passenger seat. Lips curled beautifully, white teeth gleaming even in the dim interior light of the car, eyes twinkling with sly mischief and soft-looking hair a mess, as if he had just rolled out of bed. He was so heart-stoppingly beautiful, Sehun just wanted to reach out and stroke his hands through those short strands or at least curl up on the backseat and try to get a grip on his wayward emotions. But both options would just undoubtedly strengthen Jongdae’s regard of Sehun as a complete weirdo and he didn’t think he could take that. He had already acted like enough of an idiot in front of Jongdae, squeaking out barely comprehensive replies to his greetings, stumbling over furniture or his own feet in his company or walking right into doorjambs, because he had been too busy ogling the older man’s delectable butt. Not to mention their dreadful first meeting. Just the thought of it made Sehun want to whimper and cry in abject misery. It was a memory Sehun had banished to the farthest depths of his mind, but one that still came out to haunt him whenever he so much as heard Jongdae’s name being mentioned.
Luckily - or very unluckily, depending on how you looked at it - Jongdae lived in the college dorms and only spent every other weekend at home with his family. It kept the times Sehun made an utter fool out of himself to a bare, but still very painful minimum. Because in an attempt to spend as little time as possible with his own parents, Sehun spent almost all his free time at Jongin’s place. Thankfully, his best friend’s parents didn’t seem to mind. It had only been a bit over three months since Sehun moved to this town and made fast friends with Jongin on his first day at his new school, but they seemed to have accepted the fact that they had basically gained a surrogate son after Jongdae had left the nest to go to college.
The loud sound of the passenger door closing, after Jongin had finally won his fight with the seat belt, pulled Sehun out of his musings and he violently wrenched his gaze away from Jongdae, praying the other man had been too distracted by his younger brother’s antics to notice Sehun staring at him for what had probably been a minute straight.
After eyeing his very drunk, but now perfectly content brother settle into the passenger seat, Jongdae turned his gaze towards the rearview mirror and Sehun felt himself freeze in instinctive reaction as their eyes met.
“You seem to be in a lot better shape than my idiot brother.”
Caught somewhere between mindless panic and euphoria - because, holy shit, Jongdae was talking to him - Sehun was actually glad that a drunk Jongin was also a very chatty Jongin. He wasn’t entirely sure if he could have produced a coherent reply right at that moment.
“I’m not an idiot!” It was a slurred cry of outrage that Jongdae pointedly ignored, making his easily distractible brother jump from one topic to the next with barely a hitch. “But Sehun’s not drunk because he was a good boy and didn’t drink anything. Isn’t that sweet?”
Okay, maybe not that glad after all.
The statement had Jongdae throwing another fleeting, but clearly inquiring glance in the rearview mirror and it was enough to have Sehun’s stomach twisting in delighted jumpiness.
“Well, I hope you still had a good time. But I’m not that worried. Considering your looks you probably have to fight the girls off with a stick.”
He was beyond thankful about the fact that Jongdae was too focuses on the traffic to be able to see Sehun’s reaction to those words. The blond felt heat exploding on his face, as a swarm of buzzing bees took flight in his stomach. It simply felt too volatile for butterflies. Maybe he was delirious and starting to imagine things, but that had sounded like a compliment. Kim Jongdae had just complimented him on his looks. The awkward, silly part of him, the one he hadn’t even known existed before meeting Jongin’s older brother, was having a field day - doing one dangerously excited salto after another.
But his silent celebration was rudely interrupted by Jongin’s next words and at this point every remnant of thankfulness for the slightly older boy’s loose mouth had evaporated irrevocably. More than anything, he wanted to lunge forward and smother the life out of his life-ruining, pathetic excuse of a best friend.
“He definitely didn’t lack the offers, but did he appreciate them? No, because our Sehunnie doesn’t like girls.”
Sehun wanted to die, but apparently Jongin wasn’t quite done humiliating him in front of Jongdae and ruining every chance he had at maybe, eventually, someday redeeming himself in front of the man. That realization drew a barely audible, miserable whine from him as he sank deeper into his seat and cursed his father for taking that job offer and making them move to this town. “On top of that he has horrible taste in boys as well. Because he told me I’m not his type. How can I not be someone’s type?!”
He had to be a sucker for punishment, because there was no other explanation for him to look up, hoping and dreading to meet Jongdae’s gaze in the rearview mirror a second time. Was he going to laugh at him? Look at him with disdain like his own parents? Be completely uncaring and not even return his gaze in the first place? Sehun didn’t quite know which of those options would be the worst, but as he finally raised his head far enough, all thoughts of possible outcomes simply evaporated.
The look Jongdae gave him was intent, searching, hit Sehun like a punch to the chest, and it was pure instinct for self-preservation that had him wrenching his eyes away from the piercing gaze. A few beats of silence, heavy with meaning and things left unsaid, before Jongdae spoke and Sehun allowed himself to relax the slightest bit in the backseat.
“It’s probably your incredible modesty, kiddo. Some people prefer the confident type.”
Sehun felt his insides squirm with adoration at that gloriously sarcastic comeback, but his gut nevertheless started to disintegrate from too much mortification. Jongin, on the other hand, didn’t seem nearly as impressed by the statement, reaching over the car’s console to take a swipe at his cackling older brother.
For a short, horrible moment Sehun thought his plea for a quick, painful death was actually going to be granted, when Jongdae ducked out of the way to evade the punch, just to move right back and wallop his attacker over the head - all that while driving. But fortunately, he seemed perfectly capable of doing both, the car barely swerving in the lane, despite the chaos within.
Sehun desperately avoided looking into the front of the car for the rest of the drive, too scared to risk meeting Jongdae’s searching eyes a second time, and he stubbornly focused his gaze out the side window. It was pure torture. The temptation to steal glances at the back of Jongdae’s head and stare at his messy but beautifully shiny hair was strong - so strong, he felt his chest clenching and unclenching painfully with it. But the last thing he needed was to get caught ogling Jongin’s brother. That would just complete this disastrous evening of utter humiliation. Sehun still caught himself in the middle of turning his head several times and was thoroughly tempted to slap his own cheek to make himself stop. It was only the pathetic, whimpering husk of his pride that kept him from going through with it. Even though he didn’t think he could actually look like more of a fool, one could never be too sure about those things.
This wasn’t how he had wanted Jongdae to find out. In all honesty, he would have preferred it if he could have kept that tiny little detail from him forever. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed about it - not really. He had always felt relatively comfortable in his own skin and with his sexuality, but that didn’t mean he wanted the news broadcasted to his crush. Especially not like this.
To be fair, he had never told Jongin not to reveal it to anyone, but then he also had never expected to be in a situation where an inebriated and extraordinarily chatty Jongin would have the opportunity to spill his secrets to Jongdae. Sehun had to bite his tongue to keep another defeated moan from slipping out.
Getting out of the car, when they finally arrived at the Kim’s family home, without looking at Jongdae was even more of a challenge. In fact it turned out to be almost impossible when the older man was suddenly right there in his path, shoulder brushing against Sehun’s arm as they followed a surprisingly nimble Jongin towards the house. He somehow managed, though, shrinking away from the sizzling contact, but even with several safe inches between them, the warm, tingling sensation remained. Not even Jongin’s nonsensical mumbling from three paces ahead of them could chase away the feeling.
Stupid, goddamn, useless, cursed hormones.
The second they were inside the house and out of their shoes, Jongin was sprinting up the stairs, just quiet enough not to have to worry about waking his parents, and that was when the real panic set in. Cursing his best friend for the nth time that day - how could he just leave him alone with his older brother like that?! - he dragged in a deep breath and internally screamed at himself to get a grip. He could do this. He was just going to say good-bye to Jongdae, keep himself from staring longer than acceptable and follow Jongin up to his room. Child’s play.
Steeling himself one last time, he turned around, telling himself to focus on Jongdae’s nose instead of his lips or risking possible eye-contact, but of course his gaze immediately snapped to his dark, direct eyes and Sehun’s breathy “Thank you for picking us up from the party” died a miserable death somewhere between his brain and suddenly numb lips. Jongdae was looking at him so intently, teeth biting down on his lower lip, nose scrunched up slightly in concentration, and it was both the most disconcerting and adorable thing he had ever seen. He looked at him as if he was trying to read his thoughts with nothing more than that stare and Sehun’s body was caught somewhere between the instinct to make his escape and a need to curl up and coo at the cuteness of Jongdae’s expression.
Some of his panic must have shown on his face though, because the elder’s expression relaxed in a heartbeat, obviously on purpose. It was as if he knew he had been about three seconds away from giving Sehun the first heart-attack of his life, and a deceptively easy-going smile replaced the searching look.
“And you’re really fine? I know Jongin said you didn’t drink any alcohol, but I just wanna make sure. You didn’t look so well during the car ride.”
He didn’t really look worried, instead there was something he couldn’t quite pinpoint in Jongdae’s eyes and it made the younger’s hands clammy with nervous sweat.
“I… yes, I’m fine. Thanks for… you know, giving me and Jongin a ride home. Uhm, yeah…”
That had definitely sounded a lot smoother in his mind and judging by the light twitch of Jongdae’s lips and the flash of amusement in his eyes, the older man was definitely aware of that fact. He might have been looking down at Jongdae, but Sehun suddenly felt horribly small and was he hallucinating or had there been more space between them just a second ago? His nervous swallow sounded embarrassingly loud in the otherwise silent house and he watched with trepidation as Jongdae’s eyes tracked the light movement, seeming to darken between one lazy blink and the next.
He was holding his breath without wanting to, heart pounding a staccato beat somewhere in his throat and he couldn’t have moved for the life of him. He felt hypnotized, rooted to his spot and as he finally managed to drag in a necessary, painful breath he drew in the subtle scent of cinnamon and something minty. Sehun had never before been close enough to Jongdae to identify it as his scent, but he certainly noticed now.
Deliberate or not, the elder eventually took pity on Sehun and his poor, strained heart and broke the deafening silence.
“I’ll just quickly check up on Jongin before I head back to the dorms. Give him some tips on treating and hiding that hangover from our parents tomorrow.”
Sehun thought he might have given a mechanical nod in reply, but he couldn’t be sure, not with the way his mind was hazed over with images of Jongdae’s lips moving so close to him, of those dark eyes travelling over him and possibly uncovering secrets he wasn’t yet ready to disclose, but which were probably painfully obvious to everyone around him. Then he was suddenly moving, angling towards the stairwell and slowly making his way up the steps. He must have looked as wobbly as he felt because just a second later there was the touch of Jongdae’s warm, steady hand at the small of his back, right before the older man stepped close enough to have his shoulder pressing up against the back of Sehun’s, as if to make sure he wasn’t going to lose his balance and tumble down the stairs. It should have been a comforting, steadying touch, but instead it took everything Sehun had in him to keep from stumbling over his own feet.
“Careful.”
That was all it took. The warm brush of Jongdae’s breath against his ear and jaw, the low, almost crooning tone of his voice as he shifted even closer and Sehun felt his toe catch on the next step, upper body pitching forward dangerously, as he tried to catch himself with wildly flailing arms.
If he’d had enough time his thoughts would have probably been something along the lines of, shit, I’m going to faceplant right in front of him. But as it was, he had barely enough time for a panicked, but distinct fuck before he was yanked upright by a firm hand on his hip and another around his upper arm.
It took his collision-braced body and brain several seconds to realize that he wasn’t going to fall and another few precious moments to register that Jongdae was basically hugging him to his chest. Relief, that all too familiar embarrassment and disbelief flooded him with almost equal force. Relief at the realization that there hadn’t been any face planting after all, embarrassment about his total lack of grace - only ever apparent in Jongdae’s company - and finally disbelief, because he had never thought someone with Jongdae’s build could catch him as easily as that. Admittedly, Sehun was a bit of a lightweight himself - tall, but way too skinny, no matter how much he ate - but that didn’t lessen his amazement at Jongdae’s speedy reflexes and hidden strength one bit.
He had never understood what the expression ‘swooning’ really meant, but he thought he might have a pretty decent idea now.
“You okay?”
The words were spoken against his neck, warm air ghosting over his skin once more and as much as he fought the reflex, there was just no way to stifle the pleasant, little shiver wracking his tense body. The older man must have felt it and hopefully mistaken it for a late reaction to his almost fall, because as mortifying as that might be, it was still better than the alternative. Because the next moment Sehun was turned around, to have a worried Jongdae looking him over with a careful eye. This time with real concern looking back at Sehun.
“I’m fine… you… I’m fine.” The way those words tumbled out of his mouth bore a humiliating resemblance to the way his sister sounded whenever she talked about that favorite, pink haired musician of hers - squeaky, slightly breathy and completely ridiculous - which was definitely his cue to leave. “Thanks again. I should really go now, so… good night.”
Running the risk of appearing rude, Sehun didn’t wait for Jongdae’s reply, just turned around to scurry up the last few steps and disappeared into the bathroom opposite Jongin’s room. At this point he just didn’t think he had it in him to listen to that voice, maybe even look at another of those quick smiles, and not lose it completely.
-
Of course, Jongin couldn’t remember a thing about outing Sehun to Jongdae, when he woke up the next morning. He was appropriately apologetic, flopping on top of a protesting Sehun and cuddling the hell out of him, but reassuring him that his older brother wasn’t going to judge or be weird about it. And even though Sehun was inclined to believe him, he could still remember that piercing gaze in the rearview mirror. And then there was that ever-growing grin on Jongin’s face, while Sehun relayed the rest of what had happened the previous night - a grin so obnoxious, it eventually had the younger boy cutting off his story with a growled “What?”.
“You know, your crush on my brother would be the weirdest thing ever if it weren’t so hilarious. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still weird as hell, but the entertainment I get out of it kinda makes up for that.”
“It’s not funny!”
“It’s hilarious, Sehun. You, the guy who can talk basically everyone into anything you want them to do, turning into a bumbling, stuttering mess around my brother. It’s actually kinda cute, now that I think about it.”
“Shut up!” Sehun growled and lunged forward on the bed to pummel a squirming, laughing Jongin with his pillow.
But even he knew it was true. Sehun prided himself on his silver tongue and superior acting skills, but whenever he so much as heard Jongdae’s name, any remnants of poise or artifice just went down the drain in a shower of sickening nervousness and fluttering attraction. Which was a damned shame, because Sehun was pretty sure he could have made a much better impression on Jongdae, if it hadn’t been for that seriously pesky, minor detail of his encumbering crush.
It wasn’t as if he was planning on tricking Jongdae into something, it would simply be nice to have the older man think of him as the sarcastic, relatively funny guy he was, instead of an awkward, stuttering kid. He would give almost anything for a chance to make the same kind of first impression on Jongdae as he had made on his younger brother on his first day in his new school.
Sehun squinted down at the printout in his hand, as he walked down the corridor and hitched up the slipping strap of his backpack, trying to recall the directions the lady in the administration office had given him. Unfortunately Sehun had never had the best sense of direction and these school corridors all looked the same to him. It wasn’t until he saw the slight movement out of the corner of his eye and came to an abrupt halt that he realized he had been about to run into a tall boy coming down the flight of stairs to his right. A single, closer look at him was enough to explain why. The dark-haired guy seemed to be of Sehun’s height and maybe age, not quite as skinny and most definitely sleepwalking, if the closed eyes, slack mouth and relaxed features were anything to go by. All that was missing was the pillow crease on his cheek and drool pooling in the corner of his mouth. But then Sehun’s presence seemed to register and the other boy slowly blinked open his eyes, giving him a confused look that couldn’t have spelled “where did you suddenly come from?” more clearly.
Before either of the two could say anything though, a shrill voice cut through the silence in the tiled corridor, making Sehun wince at the high-pitched frequency and the boy next to him jump in clear shock.
“What are you still doing in the hallways? First period started ten minutes ago. Kim Jongin, did you oversleep again? That’s your third time in two weeks!”
Seeing the grimace Jongin pulled, Sehun slowly turned around and watched a small, sturdy woman, in what had to be the ugliest dress in existence, stomp her way over to them, face pulled into a stiff expression of pure annoyance. Opening her mouth again, she was clearly about to fire another barrage of shrill accusations at them, when Sehun - for the sake of his own ears - cut in with a demeanor of carefully chosen timidness, “It’s my fault. I’m new and wasn’t sure where to go. Jongin here was nice enough to offer his help.”
With relief, Sehun took note of the fact that his involuntary partner in crime had refrained from throwing a confused look in his direction, something that would have definitely blown up his little lie. Instead he just gave a solemn nod, face looking impressively sincere for someone who had basically been asleep on his feet a few seconds ago.
Unfortunately for both of them, the teacher seemed to be putting up more resistance than Sehun was used to from people of that specific profession, as she narrowed her eyes at them.
“That might be true,” she said, even though the tone of her voice implied a complete lack of conviction, “but the fact that Jongin found you wandering around still means he was late for class. And since that concludes his third strike, it’s also going to earn him detention for a week.”
Having to bite down on a displeased scowl and feeling sympathy for Jongin at his quiet groan, Sehun realized that it was clearly time for more drastic measures. Annoying, old hag. So he took a discreet, but steadying breath and schooled his face into a mask of careful embarrassment, something that had the older woman’s face softening within seconds and Sehun grinning in triumph on the inside - it just worked every time.
“Actually… “ he began, exaggerating his usually almost indiscernible lisp and blinking up at her with his most innocent expression. “This is really embarrassing, but… the truth is, I actually ran into Jongin before the first bell, but it’s my first day here and I’m… I’m really nervous. I’m kinda bad when it comes to meeting new people and I was freaking out when Jongin found me.” Sehun ducked his head for good measure, pulling up his shoulders as if he was trying to hide himself, and slowly counted to three in his head before finishing his little speech. “He’s been trying to calm me down for the last few minutes, so I’d hate to see him get into trouble because of me.”
One purposeful blink, another one, mouth pulled down in a slight, pitiful frown, before he ‘nervously’ bit down on his lower lip and that was when he saw the teacher crack completely. Suspicion draining from her face with a sound bordering on a coo, she took a step closer and rested her hand on his shoulder in a clearly comforting manner. Sehun considered it a congratulatory pat on the shoulder for his acting skills.
“My dear, there’s nothing to worry about. I know first days can be hard, but this is a very nice school and it seems you already found a friend.” With that she turned to look at Jongin, who had barely managed to turn his broad grin into an impressively demure smile.
“Why don’t you show this young man to his class, Jongin?”
“Sure, Mrs. Yoo.”
Biting down on a highly entertained snicker at the boy’s saint-like expression and tone of his deep voice, Sehun quickly followed after him, desperate to get some distance between himself and the teacher, before his control snapped completely. They made it down the corridor and around the next corridor, before Jongin broke down with a snorting laugh, leaning against the off-white wall for support, as he tried to muffle the sound of his laughter with the palm of his hand. Sehun lasted approximately three seconds longer, at which point both of them ended up with their backs against the wall, heads thrown back and hands clutching at their stomachs, as waves and waves of choked-up laughter exploded out of them.
It took them more than a minute to calm down enough to make talking even a remote possibility, but eventually Jongin turned to look at him, wiping away the tears running down his cheeks and grinning so broadly, Sehun couldn’t do anything but return the infectious smile.
“What’s your name?”
“Sehun, Oh Sehun.”
“I’m Kim Jongin and I’m pretty sure you’re going to fit right in here.”
Jongin had been right of course. Within days Sehun’s apprehension about transferring to a new school and being surrounded by people he didn’t know had vanished entirely, steamrolled completely by Jongin and his more than slightly chaotic circle of friends. Only to find his short-lived contentment replaced with a new kind of worry approximately a week later, which not-so-surprisingly marked the day he had first met Kim Jongdae.
They had their books spread out on the dinner table - Jongin didn’t seem to spend a lot of time in his own room, which was a completely foreign concept to Sehun - and were in the middle of doing their homework. Kind of. He had at least opened his book on the right page and written down the date on his sheet of paper, which was more than he had been able to say five minutes ago and they had been at this for almost an hour.
And while the juicy rumors about a new high profile couple at school had served as quite the distraction from their homework, the clicking of the lock and following, familiarly loud greeting, made them look like last year’s news all of a sudden.
“I’m home! Everyone run for cover!”
Sitting bolt upright in his chair, he watched with bated breath as Jongdae walked into the room a few seconds later and felt his heart slam up in his throat at the utterly gorgeous sight of him. Waiting while the elder exchanged a quick, but affectionate greeting with his younger brother, he tried to force the undoubtedly infatuated expression from his face and prayed to the high heavens that he had succeeded when Jongdae abruptly turned to him.
“Hey, there. Doing your homework?”
Sehun would have gladly let Jongin answer Jongdae’s question, but the elder was definitely looking at him, expression alert and slightly amused, as if he knew what effect he was having on Sehun at the moment - which he really, really, really hoped wasn’t the case.
“We’re… uhm… getting to that. I think.”
Jongin’s snorting laughter and the flash of Jongdae’s grin told Sehun he had either managed to deliver a decent joke or just embarrassed himself again, but before he could think about it more, his best friend was already addressing his brother again.
“We’re gonna watch a movie later on. You should watch it with us.”
“Which one?”
“Not sure yet, but something with lots of explosions and a hot female lead. And a hot male lead as well, of course.”
Sehun looked up sharply at that, knowing that last part had been meant for him, and dreaded whatever might come out of Jongin’s mouth next. But to the younger’s relief his best friend simply left it at that and Sehun allowed himelf to relax in his seat. Well as much as that was possible with Jongdae standing so close.
“We’ll see. I have some homework of my own to do, but I’ll probably join you when I’m done. Don’t wait up for me.”
With that Jongdae reached up to give both their heads a playful ruffle before walking out onto the back patio to greet his parents. And while Jongin just gave a good-natured laugh at the affectionate touch, Sehun felt himself freeze in his chair on a sharp but quiet breath, entire body tingling with the phantom sensation of Jongdae’s fingers carding through his hair and the lingering warmth of the brief touch.
Sehun knew all too well that his reactions to the older man were getting worryingly out of hand. It wasn’t as if Jongdae had stroked his nape or touched his neck. He had simply patted his head, which was something people did to a little kid or, in Jongin’s case, a younger brother - not someone they might possibly consider locking lips with. So he really needed to get a grip.
And for one brief, blessedly peaceful second he thought he had actually gotten away with it, but then …
“Awww, so cute Sehunnie. Is your little crush giving you some trouble? Do you want to take a cold shower?”
He definitely needed a new friend.
-
They were almost forty minutes into the movie by the time Jongdae came down to join them, right after Jongin had left for the kitchen to get more napkins and bottles of soda after pathetically losing five consecutive rounds of rock-paper-scissors against Sehun. He let himself plop onto the couch next to Sehun, right where Jongin had sat just a few moments ago, and the younger’s stomach came alive with equal amounts of delight and twisting panic. He tried to keep his breathing steady, he really did, but he was painfully conscious of the lack of real distance between their knees and for a crazy second he let himself fantasize about shifting closer and feeling his leg press up against the elder’s. Sehun felt a quiet whimper bubbling up from his chest at the thought and quickly shook himself out of the daydream, before he actually did something really embarrassing.
“Are you expecting some friends?” Jongdae asked in an incredulous tone, taking in the huge amount of food on the coffee table.
Jongin’s parents had gone out for a romantic dinner, since Jongdae was home to “watch the kids”, as his mother had so teasingly put it, and the two friends had jumped at the chance and ordered half the menu from the nearby chicken restaurant. After all Jongin had an addiction and Sehun didn’t mind letting his best friend have his way - once in a while.
Thankfully, Jongin returned before Sehun actually had to open his mouth, distracting his brother with his whiny protest at having his spot on the couch hijacked. Jongdae just looked at the younger with a defiantly raised eyebrow. A few seconds of a tense staring match later, Jongin shuffled his way over to the empty arm chair, grumbling about stupid older brothers and useless best friends that couldn’t even protect his spot.
Another fifteen minutes later and Jongin was fast asleep, judging by the soft, familiar snoring sounds, and Sehun hadn’t taken his eyes off the TV screen even once, despite the fact that he had no idea in hell what was going on in that movie anymore. He felt hyperaware of Jongdae next to him. Every little shift, every move of his hand to the otherwise untouched bowl of popcorn, even the tiniest change in his breathing patterns, Sehun knew he was aware of all of it. And it had him ready to jump out of his skin with a mix of longing and anxiousness.
“Sehun.” There was an inquiring tone to his voice as Jongdae eventually broke the stifling silence between them and Sehun wasn’t sure if he wanted to shed tears of gratefulness or bury himself under a pile of cushions at the thought of having a conversation with the older man. He settled for giving a low hum of acknowledgement, instead of actually attempting coherent speech. “I used to hate these kinds of questions in high school, so feel free to tell me to piss off, but I’m just curious about your plans for college.”
Okay. College plans. He could probably do that, considering how often his parents interrogated him on the topic. The key would just be to unglue his tongue from the roof of his mouth, try not to look at Jongdae too much and pretend he was talking to someone else - someone like Baekhyun, who didn’t wake a desperate, sheer all-consuming urge in Sehun to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
“Actually,” he forced out and almost gave in to the whim of patting himself on the shoulder for even getting out an actual, intelligible word, “I got accepted into the same college as you. I applied because of the great business program.”
“Business, huh?”
“Business and Literature studies, actually. I want to go into publishing one day and become an editor.”
That had Jongdae visibly perking up with interest and Sehun’s stomach swooped at the way those eyes focused on him, the way those perpetually curled lips formed an even more pronounced smile.
“So you like to read? What are your favorite genres?”
Sehun almost sighed in relief. This was something he could talk about easily, despite the restlessness inside of him.
“Anything that’s good. I’m not really particular about genres. I recently read Murakami’s ‘The Wind-up Bird Chronicle’ and I can’t decide if it’s just plain weird or awesome.”
Looking at Jongdae while talking had turned out to be too much of a challenge, but his quiet chuckle sent Sehun’s stomach into a new fit of nervous, delighted tumbling.
“What else did you read?”
“Well, there was that ‘Fifty Shades’ story…”
“You read that?”
There was open astonishment in the elder’s voice, enough to pull Sehun’s gaze back to the man sitting beside him.
“Yeah well, I told you I’m not choosy when it comes to genres and all the girls in my math class were talking about it again, since they’re apparently turning the book into a movie. So I got curious…” he trailed off after that, thinking back to the story with a small frown knitting his forehead, “It was… blah. The guy’s an asshole.”
“Some women seem to like assholes.”
There was that amused something in Jongdae’s voice again and only his inherent excitement at being able to talk about books made it possible to focus on his next words, rather than the tingling that was spreading all the way to his fingertips.
“Yeah, and I get it, kinda… but there are so many good stories with assholes as the protagonist. ‘Pride and Prejudice’ for example. Mr. Darcy’s an arrogant jerk as well, but a strangely likeable one with style, and he eventually turns out to be a decent guy. He’s just a bit uptight and socially awkward without wanting to admit it. That’s some great characterization!”
To his mortification, he only realized he had been gesticulating wildly and letting his excitement run away with him again, when he looked up and found Jongdae staring at him with the widest grin. Sehun felt himself blushing violently and sheepishly ducked his head.
“W-what?”
“You really read anything you can get your hands on, don’t you?”
“It’s a great story!”
Sehun really couldn’t help it if his voice sounded a bit - okay, a lot - defensive.
“I know, I read it.”
That certainly got his attention. Which was a completely ridiculous thing to say, when Sehun doubted he had ever been more focused on anything or anyone than he was on Kim Jongdae.
“You did?”
“Yup, first year in college I was trying to impress this really cute guy. He was the tutor of a lit course, so I signed up for it to get his attention. Didn’t work out, though, since he hooked up with the girl sitting next to me two weeks later. The books we read were interesting enough to keep me from dropping out, though. ‘Pride and Prejudice’ was one of them.”
Sehun felt as if a bomb had just gone off inside his head, mind reeling with what he had just heard, and all thoughts of books or characters were yanked from his mind, as he replayed the words over and over again, just to make sure he wasn’t having some crush-induced hallucinations.
“Cute guy? Does that mean you’re…”
“Gay?” Jongdae provided helpfully, as Sehun felt his throat close up and tongue catch on that last word. “I am, actually. I thought Jongin would have told you already, considering how easily he outed you last week.”
He sounded so nonchalant about it, wholly unconcerned, when it felt like Sehun’s world had just been flipped upside down.
“I … he … no. As far as I know he hasn’t drunk any alcohol since then, so he didn’t really get the opportunity to out anyone else.”
It must have been his shock at finding out the guy he had the most paralyzing crush on actually liked guys as well, that made it possible for Sehun to answer like that, after all he hadn’t been able to make a joke in front of Jongdae before. Even the older boy seemed surprised, before he broke out into loud laughter, throwing his head back in obvious mirth and letting himself sink deeper into the soft cushions behind him.
“So, was ’Fifty Shades’ the last book you read?” Jongdae asked when he had gotten his laughter under control again and Sehun almost couldn’t believe it, but the elder seemed genuinely interested in having and prolonging this conversation with him. For the first time since he had spied Jongdae stepping into the room, he felt some of the nervous, tragically infatuated tension melting away. Talking to the other boy was turning out to be a lot easier, now that he wasn’t stumbling over his every word, and Jongdae certainly didn’t seem to mind Sehun making a fool out of himself once in a while.
“No, I had to read something different right away. You know, like drinking something to get rid of a taste you didn’t like, so I asked another classmate to rec me something else. I’m reading the first book in the ‘In Death’ series now, which apparently has a million installments, and it’s actually really good. Which has my bank account weeping at the prospect of buying all these books soon. Honestly, I think there are forty of them or something like that!”
“In Death? What is it? Some kind of horror series?”
“No, it’s actually a crime story set in the future. The female and male lead are a lot cooler as well. They're not assholes like Mr. Grey, but just bad enough to be interesting.”
Jongdae’s curiously raised eyebrow and slight nod were all the encouragement he needed to slip into a detailed analysis of the plot and characters, thoroughly tickled by Jongdae’s silly, but strangely insightful questions and comments. He had just finished his account of how the cat, of all characters actually saves the day, when a sleepy, mumbled “What time is it?” cut him off mid-sentence. Looking up with wide eyes, he watched Jongin straighten up from his curled-up position in the arm chair, face still muddled with the residue of sleep. Sehun had honestly forgotten that Jongin had been in the room with them, he had been so caught up in his entirely unexpected conversation with his best friend’s older brother.
“Apparently past your curfew.”
Jongdae’s mock scathing comment was enough to pull him back into reality. A quick glance at the clock, before he looked back at Jongdae and suddenly it seemed almost surreal that they had just talked for well over an hour. Just this morning, the whole notion of having a normal conversation with Jongdae had been something bordering on unimaginable, nothing but a pipe dream he would conjure up while lying in bed at night, incapable of banishing the other man from his mind. And now, it had somehow become a reality.
“You suck,” came Jongin’s eloquent reply and for the second time, Sehun found himself yanked firmly back into the presence and out of his drifting thoughts. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”
Sehun shot up from the couch on the heels of that statement, drawing both brothers’ gazes with the abrupt movement, but the sudden pressing urge to leave actually had him beyond the point of caring.
“Me too. I’m beat.”
He tried not to look at Jongdae, he really did, but his eyes were unerringly drawn to his still seated form. The younger felt himself give a slight start as he met the older’s intent, curious gaze - eyebrows raised and lips pursed in thought. He realized that the strange ease of the past hour seemed entirely unattainable now. With a mumbled “g’night”, face feeling familiarly hot from the weight of Jongdae’s gaze on his back, Sehun left the room with the younger of the Kim brothers and did his best to ignore Jongin’s half curious, half suggestive side glances all the way up to his room.
-
Three days later, Sehun lay sprawled out on Jongin’s bed while his friend lay on the floor, trying to salvage what was left of his lab report - which he'd somehow managed to pour half a can of soda over earlier. Sehun blindly fumbled for his phone at the squawking of a Kakaotalk notification that was barely audible over Jongin’s frustrated grumbling. Fleetingly he thought that he really needed to change his alert sound, as the standard one was annoying as hell, but one look at the new conversation thread on his phone’s screen and all cursory notions simply flew from his mind, body jerking upright on the bed and heart slamming up in his throat.
KimJongdae
Hey, I hope it’s ok that I bribed your ID out of my little brother.
Forgot to ask you for your number on Sunday.
A stunned side glance at Jongin, who was cursing imaginatively at the wreckage of his homework by now - how could he have not told him about this?! - before he found his complete attention drawn back to his phone. He was typing a reply within seconds.
Sehuuuun
ofc it’s okay
KimJongdae
You disappeared so quickly, I actually considered checking the floor for skid marks LMAO.
Left me with the clean-up duty for your chicken feast as well!
Sehun could imagine the face Jongdae was probably making all too well - insolently raised eyebrow, wry smile and sly twinkle in his dark, intense eyes - and it did nothing to douse the heat spreading in his tummy, or abate the flush rising to his cheeks.
Sehuuuun
so sry for bolting like that!!!
just rly tired
KimJongdae
Riiiiiiight…
Sehuuuun
I MEAN IT!!!
Five minutes later, he still hadn’t gotten a reply. With a defeated groan, Sehun buried his face in Jongin’s pillow and briefly considered staying like this until he passed out from the lack of oxygen. It wouldn’t be half as painful as the feeling of utter humiliation currently coursing through his body.
“Are you dying?”, came Jongin’s insultingly disinterested question and even though he couldn’t be sure, with his face still firmly planted in the pillow, he had the suspicion his best friend hadn’t even bothered to look at him.
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Okay.”
At that Sehun gave up his plans of self-suffocation in favor of chucking the pillow at his pain in the ass of a best friend, cackling evilly when Jongin’s half-full can of soda fell over and spilled its contents a second time.
-
To his sheer neverending torture, it took Jongdae several hours to reply and when Sehun finally read it, he knew he hadn’t been able to convince Jongin’s older brother in the least. But somehow that one short conversation turned into more of them, passing comments and hurriedly sent pictures, whenever Jongdae or Sehun came across something amusing or share-worthy. Evenings, as well as the Tuesday and Thursday afternoons he usually spent in the library reading, while he waited for Jongin’s dance practice to end, were suddenly spent texting with Jongdae. Usually about the most random things, like the new books Sehun was reading, favorite Ben&Jerry’s flavors - the discussion once turned heated over Peanut Buttercup and Cookie Dough - or Sehun tattling to Jongdae about his younger brother’s idiocies.
Compared to the interactions he’d had with Jongdae before, talking to him like this was easy. Not having him right in front of him, looking all kinds of wonderful and distracting, went a long way towards taking care of Sehun’s uncharacteristic awkwardness.
Talking to him actually became so effortless, almost natural, that he eventually opened up to the elder about a lot more serious topics as well. He wasn’t even sure how they came to talk about it, but one late night in particular was spent sharing their experiences of coming out. While Jongdae’s family, even his very traditional grandparents, had been nothing but supportive, a lot of his friends had turned away from him after finding out. Sehun’s own experience had been the exact mirror image. His friends had stood behind him completely, had shown him that his preference for other men didn’t matter to them in the least, while his parents had made it perfectly clear that it was unacceptable to them, going as far as telling him they didn’t want him in their house anymore after he finished high school, unless he managed to “sort out his priorities”. It was the reason why moving to a new town in the middle of the semester had been especially scary. Knowing no one but his parents - parents that couldn’t accept him as he was - and having to start anew without his friends right beside him, had been scary as hell. Even if Sehun had pretended to be okay.
And that was why he was so grateful to have met Jongin on his very first day at his new school. Despite his occasional horribleness - something he probably had in common with Sehun - he was lucky to have found someone who had accepted him completely, sexuality and intense crush on his older brother included.
-
With Jongdae’s busy college schedule and Sehun being forced to spend at least the occasional weekend at home with his parents, it was weeks before they met in person again. To his complete chagrin, the older man hadn’t even bothered to let him know he would be at home over the weekend and so it came as quite a surprise when Jongdae suddenly joined them outside at the pool, where Jongin floated around lazily on his air mattress and Sehun lay sprawled out in one of the sun chairs.
Feeling a sudden shadow falling over him, Sehun blinked open his eyes, disgruntled at having his sun blocked, and had to bite down on a gasp of shock when he realized it was Jongdae leaning slightly over him.
“Hey.” The flash of a bright smile had something inside the younger’s chest flipping over giddily. “You’re not getting into the water?”
“No. I… no.” Sehun mumbled dumbly, just to wrench his gaze away and focus intently on his toes, feeling his heart pick up its pace at having Jongdae standing in front of him so unexpectedly.
“Sehun doesn’t do water. He just lies in the sun like a limp noodle and applies sunscreen every five minutes to keep from looking like a charred piece of meat at the end of the day.”
Shooting a glare at his best friend, he did his best to block out the sound of Jongdae’s laughter and announced with feeling, “You’re an awful person.”
Jongin didn’t seem all that bothered by the announcement, simply returning Sehun’s death glare with an angelic smile and sweet “I know, you tell me all the time,” that had the younger earnestly considering getting into the water, for the sole purpose of drowning his ratty best friend.
“You don’t?” Jongdae’s question had his gaze and head jerking to the side so quickly, he thought he heard something give an alarming crack in his neck. “How do you survive? It’s so freakin’ hot. I’ve been dreaming of our pool every night for the past week. I’m pretty sure I missed it more than I missed Jongin.”
“Hey!”
An indignant squawk from where Jongin was still floating around on his air mattress and then a torrent of water drenched Jongdae’s entire back, tiny droplets of water splashing Sehun in the progress, before he watched the oldest of them wheeling around with the promise of retaliation flashing in his eyes and canon-balling into the pool, to skillfully throw his younger brother into the water in the process. Things quickly escalated into an all-out water brawl, so Sehun used the opportunity to slip inside with the excuse of getting something to drink.
But with the chill of the soda bottle against his fingers and the palm of his hand, Sehun immediately set it down on the kitchen counter and made his way over to the sink. He braced his arms on the marble top and took a deep, steadying breath, deciding on water instead of soda, as he already felt jittery enough and didn’t think more sugar would help. Holding out for maybe twenty seconds, Sehun eventually let out the despairing groan, head slumping down in defeat.
Some naïve part of him had hoped that seeing Jongdae in person would be easier now, but with a feeling of sinking dread he realized that it might have actually become worse instead. Because, despite the fact that he had thought it completely impossible, he had somehow managed to fall even deeper in love and want with Jongdae over the last couple of weeks. The fact that he could apparently be outspoken and semi-flirty with Jongdae on Kakaotalk, but was still the same awkward mess in front of him, was one of the most depressing realizations of his entire life. And he didn’t give a damn how melodramatic that sounded.
Any more attempts to feel sorry for himself were interrupted by the sensation of something very cold and very damp pressing into the curve of his neck. Sehun jerked around with a ringing yelp, shocked sound fizzling out into a choked-up gasp as he became aware of the fact that Jongdae had apparently followed him inside. Standing there in nothing but his board shorts, still lightly dripping water onto the tiled floor and holding Sehun’s abandoned bottle, the older man watched him with a mix of reflectiveness and lazy entertainment and all but took his breath away. He didn’t have the same caramel-colored complexion as Jongin, but he was still heart-stoppingly beautiful. Sun-kissed skin stretching over toned muscles, dark, wet hair a wild mess and plastered to his forehead, while his eyes started flickering with an almost volatile emotion. An emotion that had Sehun becoming aware of his own skinny pastiness and beginning to feel even more flushed and self-conscious than he had just a few seconds ago.
In a desperate attempt to find something - anything - to break the ever-thickening tension and silence between them, Sehun motioned towards the soda Jongdae had just put down next to him on the kitchen counter.
“Are you planning on drinking that?”
“No.”
Grateful to have something to do, Sehun returned the drink into the fridge, not realizing the older man had stepped closer, while he’d had his back facing him, until he turned around and found him less than an arm-length away. It was distracting enough to have the younger a beat too late to bite down on his breathless, and anything but displeased sound of surprise.
“You know,” Jongdae’s voice was pitched curiously low, rougher around the edges than usual, and with a panicked widening of his eyes, Sehun felt a clearly visible shiver travelling down his spine. The lazy curling of Jongdae’s lips told him that the elder had definitely noticed as well. “Maybe it’s just me, but I somehow expected a warmer welcome.”
He knew he needed to stop staring at those lips, needed to focus and get himself to say something, but he didn’t know how when Jongdae was talking again and successfully wrecking the little bit of concentration still left in him.
“I really thought we were beyond the point of you stuttering out a barely coherent greeting and stumbling away as soon as you catch sight of me.”
“I … I don’t …”
His failure of an answer died a miserable, garbled death on his tongue as Jongdae took another step closer - close enough for Sehun to breathe in that delicious note of cinnamon and mint again - and something inside of him simply snapped. The maddening closeness of those lips, the pooling of heat and electrifying awareness in his belly, as well as the pent-up longing that had reached its boiling point ages ago, would have probably been enough. But in the end it was the almost challenging glint in Jongdae’s eyes that had Sehun giving in to insanity on a surrendering groan. Tangling his fingers in the soft hair at Jongdae’s nape, he leaned in to press their lips together in a rushed, almost desperate kiss and to his utter and complete astonishment, it took the older man less than a second to respond, head tilting to the side and mouth opening to the demand of Sehun lightly sucking down on that tempting bottom lip. Swallowing Jongdae’s little moan, the fucking most beautiful sound in existence, Sehun allowed himself a few more seconds of kissing the smaller man before he wrenched himself away from the other’s mouth again, just barely conscious enough to know there was something he had to say first.
“I don’t even know why I can’t seem to act normal with you!” Sehun all but wailed, focusing entirely on his rant to keep himself from freaking out over the fact that he had just kissed Kim Jongdae. “It’s the most… wretched thing ever! I feel like a complete idiot whenever you’re around and the fact that I know I’m making a fool out of myself, really doesn’t make it better! Not when I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything about it. Because I like you. A lot. So much so that it’s actually becoming a problem and I-”
He cut himself off on a sharp breath when he finally became aware of the insanely satisfied grin spreading on the elder’s face.
“Yeah, I noticed.”
With that Jongdae leaned back in to pick up right where they had left off. Sehun tried to stay focused, tried to concentrate on the fact that Jongdae hadn’t actually said anything about liking him back, but it was simply impossible with the way the smaller man was nibbling on his bottom lip, teeth coming down on softly pliant flesh, before he soothed the sting away with an almost lazy flick of his tongue.
Another scrape of Jongdae’s teeth over his lip and Sehun found himself arching away from the fridge and against Jongdae’s chest on a barely audible whine, fingers digging into the hot skin of the elder’s back. He just knew that any second now, there would be no way for Jongdae to miss exactly how much Sehun was enjoying the teasing touches. So it was with a mix of crushing disappointment and fluttering relief that he found himself released a few moments later, dazed eyes meeting Jongdae’s gaze as the smaller leaned the slightest bit away from him.
“You should come visit me on campus soon. I’ll show you around so you’ll already be familiar with everything by the time you start college in the fall.”
Considering the fact that Sehun was still trying to get his seriously choppy breathing under control, currents of heat and pleasure still travelling along his nerve endings, he found himself blinking at the elder in dizzy confusion, at a complete loss about the seemingly random invitation.
“I’ll show you the best places to hang out, where to get decent food and coffee without having to queue up for half an hour and point out the people to avoid, because they’ll definitely make a move on you, not caring that you have a very possessive boyfriend to answer to.”
It took him a few moments, but eventually something clicked inside his mind and the blond ended up choking on thin air. He was probably having heat-induced hallucinations. He had been lying out in the sun for too long after all, or maybe all that great kissing had left him with two or three blown fuses, because he could have sworn Jongdae had just said …
“Boy… boyfriend?”
The elder looked entirely too satisfied with himself at the hopeful, incredulous tone of Sehun’s voice, but before he could open his mouth to give what would have undoubtedly been a skillfully teasing reply, the shouting from outside had them both jumping in surprise.
“ALRIGHT, I’M COMING INSIDE BECAUSE I REALLY NEED TO PEE! I’LL GIVE YOU TEN SECONDS, SO YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING OUT BY THE TIME I STEP INSIDE! TEN… NINE… EIGHT… SEVEN…”
Author's note: Biggest thanks to my wonderful beta-reader! And to whoever came up with this prompt: I had a blast writing this story, so I really hope you'll like it.
Title: Crush Central
Pairing: Jongdae/Sehun
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 9,850
Summary: When Sehun becomes fast friends with outgoing and cheerful Kim Jongin, he really doesn’t expect to earn himself a gigantic, life-complicating crush on the boy's older brother as well.
Sehun wasn’t entirely sure how he had ended up here. Well, actually he was. He had let himself get dragged to the car by Jongin, pulled open the door with a clammy hand and gotten into the backseat in the most ungraceful way possible. So what he actually wasn’t sure about was why he had ended up in Kim Jongdae’s car, why he had thought becoming friends with Kim Jongin would be a good idea and why for fuck’s sake did it have to be Jongin’s older brother picking them up from the party they had just left?
On a rational level it made sense. Of course Jongin couldn’t have asked his parents, considering the fact that Jongin was miserably drunk and the farthest thing from stable on his feet. And according to him, his brother wasn’t going to give them a lecture because he had caught him sneaking in after his curfew often enough during Jongdae’s own high school years - several times not exactly sober, so the elder had no right to say anything. But a roasting wasn’t what Sehun was worried about. He would have taken his own parents sitting him down for an hour-long talk about responsible behavior and rules over coming face-to-face with Kim Jongdae anytime.
Because Jongin’s older brother, a second year in college majoring in music and business, was the epitome of perfection. He was good-looking, funny, patient and easy-going - and apparently the best brother a person could wish for. He also turned Sehun, usually so confident and able to talk himself into or out of any situation, into a bumbling, awkward and stuttering mess of extreme infatuation and life-complicating attraction.
Just like he was doing right then, as he laughed at his brother’s pathetic attempts to maneuver himself into the passenger seat. Lips curled beautifully, white teeth gleaming even in the dim interior light of the car, eyes twinkling with sly mischief and soft-looking hair a mess, as if he had just rolled out of bed. He was so heart-stoppingly beautiful, Sehun just wanted to reach out and stroke his hands through those short strands or at least curl up on the backseat and try to get a grip on his wayward emotions. But both options would just undoubtedly strengthen Jongdae’s regard of Sehun as a complete weirdo and he didn’t think he could take that. He had already acted like enough of an idiot in front of Jongdae, squeaking out barely comprehensive replies to his greetings, stumbling over furniture or his own feet in his company or walking right into doorjambs, because he had been too busy ogling the older man’s delectable butt. Not to mention their dreadful first meeting. Just the thought of it made Sehun want to whimper and cry in abject misery. It was a memory Sehun had banished to the farthest depths of his mind, but one that still came out to haunt him whenever he so much as heard Jongdae’s name being mentioned.
Luckily - or very unluckily, depending on how you looked at it - Jongdae lived in the college dorms and only spent every other weekend at home with his family. It kept the times Sehun made an utter fool out of himself to a bare, but still very painful minimum. Because in an attempt to spend as little time as possible with his own parents, Sehun spent almost all his free time at Jongin’s place. Thankfully, his best friend’s parents didn’t seem to mind. It had only been a bit over three months since Sehun moved to this town and made fast friends with Jongin on his first day at his new school, but they seemed to have accepted the fact that they had basically gained a surrogate son after Jongdae had left the nest to go to college.
The loud sound of the passenger door closing, after Jongin had finally won his fight with the seat belt, pulled Sehun out of his musings and he violently wrenched his gaze away from Jongdae, praying the other man had been too distracted by his younger brother’s antics to notice Sehun staring at him for what had probably been a minute straight.
After eyeing his very drunk, but now perfectly content brother settle into the passenger seat, Jongdae turned his gaze towards the rearview mirror and Sehun felt himself freeze in instinctive reaction as their eyes met.
“You seem to be in a lot better shape than my idiot brother.”
Caught somewhere between mindless panic and euphoria - because, holy shit, Jongdae was talking to him - Sehun was actually glad that a drunk Jongin was also a very chatty Jongin. He wasn’t entirely sure if he could have produced a coherent reply right at that moment.
“I’m not an idiot!” It was a slurred cry of outrage that Jongdae pointedly ignored, making his easily distractible brother jump from one topic to the next with barely a hitch. “But Sehun’s not drunk because he was a good boy and didn’t drink anything. Isn’t that sweet?”
Okay, maybe not that glad after all.
The statement had Jongdae throwing another fleeting, but clearly inquiring glance in the rearview mirror and it was enough to have Sehun’s stomach twisting in delighted jumpiness.
“Well, I hope you still had a good time. But I’m not that worried. Considering your looks you probably have to fight the girls off with a stick.”
He was beyond thankful about the fact that Jongdae was too focuses on the traffic to be able to see Sehun’s reaction to those words. The blond felt heat exploding on his face, as a swarm of buzzing bees took flight in his stomach. It simply felt too volatile for butterflies. Maybe he was delirious and starting to imagine things, but that had sounded like a compliment. Kim Jongdae had just complimented him on his looks. The awkward, silly part of him, the one he hadn’t even known existed before meeting Jongin’s older brother, was having a field day - doing one dangerously excited salto after another.
But his silent celebration was rudely interrupted by Jongin’s next words and at this point every remnant of thankfulness for the slightly older boy’s loose mouth had evaporated irrevocably. More than anything, he wanted to lunge forward and smother the life out of his life-ruining, pathetic excuse of a best friend.
“He definitely didn’t lack the offers, but did he appreciate them? No, because our Sehunnie doesn’t like girls.”
Sehun wanted to die, but apparently Jongin wasn’t quite done humiliating him in front of Jongdae and ruining every chance he had at maybe, eventually, someday redeeming himself in front of the man. That realization drew a barely audible, miserable whine from him as he sank deeper into his seat and cursed his father for taking that job offer and making them move to this town. “On top of that he has horrible taste in boys as well. Because he told me I’m not his type. How can I not be someone’s type?!”
He had to be a sucker for punishment, because there was no other explanation for him to look up, hoping and dreading to meet Jongdae’s gaze in the rearview mirror a second time. Was he going to laugh at him? Look at him with disdain like his own parents? Be completely uncaring and not even return his gaze in the first place? Sehun didn’t quite know which of those options would be the worst, but as he finally raised his head far enough, all thoughts of possible outcomes simply evaporated.
The look Jongdae gave him was intent, searching, hit Sehun like a punch to the chest, and it was pure instinct for self-preservation that had him wrenching his eyes away from the piercing gaze. A few beats of silence, heavy with meaning and things left unsaid, before Jongdae spoke and Sehun allowed himself to relax the slightest bit in the backseat.
“It’s probably your incredible modesty, kiddo. Some people prefer the confident type.”
Sehun felt his insides squirm with adoration at that gloriously sarcastic comeback, but his gut nevertheless started to disintegrate from too much mortification. Jongin, on the other hand, didn’t seem nearly as impressed by the statement, reaching over the car’s console to take a swipe at his cackling older brother.
For a short, horrible moment Sehun thought his plea for a quick, painful death was actually going to be granted, when Jongdae ducked out of the way to evade the punch, just to move right back and wallop his attacker over the head - all that while driving. But fortunately, he seemed perfectly capable of doing both, the car barely swerving in the lane, despite the chaos within.
Sehun desperately avoided looking into the front of the car for the rest of the drive, too scared to risk meeting Jongdae’s searching eyes a second time, and he stubbornly focused his gaze out the side window. It was pure torture. The temptation to steal glances at the back of Jongdae’s head and stare at his messy but beautifully shiny hair was strong - so strong, he felt his chest clenching and unclenching painfully with it. But the last thing he needed was to get caught ogling Jongin’s brother. That would just complete this disastrous evening of utter humiliation. Sehun still caught himself in the middle of turning his head several times and was thoroughly tempted to slap his own cheek to make himself stop. It was only the pathetic, whimpering husk of his pride that kept him from going through with it. Even though he didn’t think he could actually look like more of a fool, one could never be too sure about those things.
This wasn’t how he had wanted Jongdae to find out. In all honesty, he would have preferred it if he could have kept that tiny little detail from him forever. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed about it - not really. He had always felt relatively comfortable in his own skin and with his sexuality, but that didn’t mean he wanted the news broadcasted to his crush. Especially not like this.
To be fair, he had never told Jongin not to reveal it to anyone, but then he also had never expected to be in a situation where an inebriated and extraordinarily chatty Jongin would have the opportunity to spill his secrets to Jongdae. Sehun had to bite his tongue to keep another defeated moan from slipping out.
Getting out of the car, when they finally arrived at the Kim’s family home, without looking at Jongdae was even more of a challenge. In fact it turned out to be almost impossible when the older man was suddenly right there in his path, shoulder brushing against Sehun’s arm as they followed a surprisingly nimble Jongin towards the house. He somehow managed, though, shrinking away from the sizzling contact, but even with several safe inches between them, the warm, tingling sensation remained. Not even Jongin’s nonsensical mumbling from three paces ahead of them could chase away the feeling.
Stupid, goddamn, useless, cursed hormones.
The second they were inside the house and out of their shoes, Jongin was sprinting up the stairs, just quiet enough not to have to worry about waking his parents, and that was when the real panic set in. Cursing his best friend for the nth time that day - how could he just leave him alone with his older brother like that?! - he dragged in a deep breath and internally screamed at himself to get a grip. He could do this. He was just going to say good-bye to Jongdae, keep himself from staring longer than acceptable and follow Jongin up to his room. Child’s play.
Steeling himself one last time, he turned around, telling himself to focus on Jongdae’s nose instead of his lips or risking possible eye-contact, but of course his gaze immediately snapped to his dark, direct eyes and Sehun’s breathy “Thank you for picking us up from the party” died a miserable death somewhere between his brain and suddenly numb lips. Jongdae was looking at him so intently, teeth biting down on his lower lip, nose scrunched up slightly in concentration, and it was both the most disconcerting and adorable thing he had ever seen. He looked at him as if he was trying to read his thoughts with nothing more than that stare and Sehun’s body was caught somewhere between the instinct to make his escape and a need to curl up and coo at the cuteness of Jongdae’s expression.
Some of his panic must have shown on his face though, because the elder’s expression relaxed in a heartbeat, obviously on purpose. It was as if he knew he had been about three seconds away from giving Sehun the first heart-attack of his life, and a deceptively easy-going smile replaced the searching look.
“And you’re really fine? I know Jongin said you didn’t drink any alcohol, but I just wanna make sure. You didn’t look so well during the car ride.”
He didn’t really look worried, instead there was something he couldn’t quite pinpoint in Jongdae’s eyes and it made the younger’s hands clammy with nervous sweat.
“I… yes, I’m fine. Thanks for… you know, giving me and Jongin a ride home. Uhm, yeah…”
That had definitely sounded a lot smoother in his mind and judging by the light twitch of Jongdae’s lips and the flash of amusement in his eyes, the older man was definitely aware of that fact. He might have been looking down at Jongdae, but Sehun suddenly felt horribly small and was he hallucinating or had there been more space between them just a second ago? His nervous swallow sounded embarrassingly loud in the otherwise silent house and he watched with trepidation as Jongdae’s eyes tracked the light movement, seeming to darken between one lazy blink and the next.
He was holding his breath without wanting to, heart pounding a staccato beat somewhere in his throat and he couldn’t have moved for the life of him. He felt hypnotized, rooted to his spot and as he finally managed to drag in a necessary, painful breath he drew in the subtle scent of cinnamon and something minty. Sehun had never before been close enough to Jongdae to identify it as his scent, but he certainly noticed now.
Deliberate or not, the elder eventually took pity on Sehun and his poor, strained heart and broke the deafening silence.
“I’ll just quickly check up on Jongin before I head back to the dorms. Give him some tips on treating and hiding that hangover from our parents tomorrow.”
Sehun thought he might have given a mechanical nod in reply, but he couldn’t be sure, not with the way his mind was hazed over with images of Jongdae’s lips moving so close to him, of those dark eyes travelling over him and possibly uncovering secrets he wasn’t yet ready to disclose, but which were probably painfully obvious to everyone around him. Then he was suddenly moving, angling towards the stairwell and slowly making his way up the steps. He must have looked as wobbly as he felt because just a second later there was the touch of Jongdae’s warm, steady hand at the small of his back, right before the older man stepped close enough to have his shoulder pressing up against the back of Sehun’s, as if to make sure he wasn’t going to lose his balance and tumble down the stairs. It should have been a comforting, steadying touch, but instead it took everything Sehun had in him to keep from stumbling over his own feet.
“Careful.”
That was all it took. The warm brush of Jongdae’s breath against his ear and jaw, the low, almost crooning tone of his voice as he shifted even closer and Sehun felt his toe catch on the next step, upper body pitching forward dangerously, as he tried to catch himself with wildly flailing arms.
If he’d had enough time his thoughts would have probably been something along the lines of, shit, I’m going to faceplant right in front of him. But as it was, he had barely enough time for a panicked, but distinct fuck before he was yanked upright by a firm hand on his hip and another around his upper arm.
It took his collision-braced body and brain several seconds to realize that he wasn’t going to fall and another few precious moments to register that Jongdae was basically hugging him to his chest. Relief, that all too familiar embarrassment and disbelief flooded him with almost equal force. Relief at the realization that there hadn’t been any face planting after all, embarrassment about his total lack of grace - only ever apparent in Jongdae’s company - and finally disbelief, because he had never thought someone with Jongdae’s build could catch him as easily as that. Admittedly, Sehun was a bit of a lightweight himself - tall, but way too skinny, no matter how much he ate - but that didn’t lessen his amazement at Jongdae’s speedy reflexes and hidden strength one bit.
He had never understood what the expression ‘swooning’ really meant, but he thought he might have a pretty decent idea now.
“You okay?”
The words were spoken against his neck, warm air ghosting over his skin once more and as much as he fought the reflex, there was just no way to stifle the pleasant, little shiver wracking his tense body. The older man must have felt it and hopefully mistaken it for a late reaction to his almost fall, because as mortifying as that might be, it was still better than the alternative. Because the next moment Sehun was turned around, to have a worried Jongdae looking him over with a careful eye. This time with real concern looking back at Sehun.
“I’m fine… you… I’m fine.” The way those words tumbled out of his mouth bore a humiliating resemblance to the way his sister sounded whenever she talked about that favorite, pink haired musician of hers - squeaky, slightly breathy and completely ridiculous - which was definitely his cue to leave. “Thanks again. I should really go now, so… good night.”
Running the risk of appearing rude, Sehun didn’t wait for Jongdae’s reply, just turned around to scurry up the last few steps and disappeared into the bathroom opposite Jongin’s room. At this point he just didn’t think he had it in him to listen to that voice, maybe even look at another of those quick smiles, and not lose it completely.
-
Of course, Jongin couldn’t remember a thing about outing Sehun to Jongdae, when he woke up the next morning. He was appropriately apologetic, flopping on top of a protesting Sehun and cuddling the hell out of him, but reassuring him that his older brother wasn’t going to judge or be weird about it. And even though Sehun was inclined to believe him, he could still remember that piercing gaze in the rearview mirror. And then there was that ever-growing grin on Jongin’s face, while Sehun relayed the rest of what had happened the previous night - a grin so obnoxious, it eventually had the younger boy cutting off his story with a growled “What?”.
“You know, your crush on my brother would be the weirdest thing ever if it weren’t so hilarious. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still weird as hell, but the entertainment I get out of it kinda makes up for that.”
“It’s not funny!”
“It’s hilarious, Sehun. You, the guy who can talk basically everyone into anything you want them to do, turning into a bumbling, stuttering mess around my brother. It’s actually kinda cute, now that I think about it.”
“Shut up!” Sehun growled and lunged forward on the bed to pummel a squirming, laughing Jongin with his pillow.
But even he knew it was true. Sehun prided himself on his silver tongue and superior acting skills, but whenever he so much as heard Jongdae’s name, any remnants of poise or artifice just went down the drain in a shower of sickening nervousness and fluttering attraction. Which was a damned shame, because Sehun was pretty sure he could have made a much better impression on Jongdae, if it hadn’t been for that seriously pesky, minor detail of his encumbering crush.
It wasn’t as if he was planning on tricking Jongdae into something, it would simply be nice to have the older man think of him as the sarcastic, relatively funny guy he was, instead of an awkward, stuttering kid. He would give almost anything for a chance to make the same kind of first impression on Jongdae as he had made on his younger brother on his first day in his new school.
Sehun squinted down at the printout in his hand, as he walked down the corridor and hitched up the slipping strap of his backpack, trying to recall the directions the lady in the administration office had given him. Unfortunately Sehun had never had the best sense of direction and these school corridors all looked the same to him. It wasn’t until he saw the slight movement out of the corner of his eye and came to an abrupt halt that he realized he had been about to run into a tall boy coming down the flight of stairs to his right. A single, closer look at him was enough to explain why. The dark-haired guy seemed to be of Sehun’s height and maybe age, not quite as skinny and most definitely sleepwalking, if the closed eyes, slack mouth and relaxed features were anything to go by. All that was missing was the pillow crease on his cheek and drool pooling in the corner of his mouth. But then Sehun’s presence seemed to register and the other boy slowly blinked open his eyes, giving him a confused look that couldn’t have spelled “where did you suddenly come from?” more clearly.
Before either of the two could say anything though, a shrill voice cut through the silence in the tiled corridor, making Sehun wince at the high-pitched frequency and the boy next to him jump in clear shock.
“What are you still doing in the hallways? First period started ten minutes ago. Kim Jongin, did you oversleep again? That’s your third time in two weeks!”
Seeing the grimace Jongin pulled, Sehun slowly turned around and watched a small, sturdy woman, in what had to be the ugliest dress in existence, stomp her way over to them, face pulled into a stiff expression of pure annoyance. Opening her mouth again, she was clearly about to fire another barrage of shrill accusations at them, when Sehun - for the sake of his own ears - cut in with a demeanor of carefully chosen timidness, “It’s my fault. I’m new and wasn’t sure where to go. Jongin here was nice enough to offer his help.”
With relief, Sehun took note of the fact that his involuntary partner in crime had refrained from throwing a confused look in his direction, something that would have definitely blown up his little lie. Instead he just gave a solemn nod, face looking impressively sincere for someone who had basically been asleep on his feet a few seconds ago.
Unfortunately for both of them, the teacher seemed to be putting up more resistance than Sehun was used to from people of that specific profession, as she narrowed her eyes at them.
“That might be true,” she said, even though the tone of her voice implied a complete lack of conviction, “but the fact that Jongin found you wandering around still means he was late for class. And since that concludes his third strike, it’s also going to earn him detention for a week.”
Having to bite down on a displeased scowl and feeling sympathy for Jongin at his quiet groan, Sehun realized that it was clearly time for more drastic measures. Annoying, old hag. So he took a discreet, but steadying breath and schooled his face into a mask of careful embarrassment, something that had the older woman’s face softening within seconds and Sehun grinning in triumph on the inside - it just worked every time.
“Actually… “ he began, exaggerating his usually almost indiscernible lisp and blinking up at her with his most innocent expression. “This is really embarrassing, but… the truth is, I actually ran into Jongin before the first bell, but it’s my first day here and I’m… I’m really nervous. I’m kinda bad when it comes to meeting new people and I was freaking out when Jongin found me.” Sehun ducked his head for good measure, pulling up his shoulders as if he was trying to hide himself, and slowly counted to three in his head before finishing his little speech. “He’s been trying to calm me down for the last few minutes, so I’d hate to see him get into trouble because of me.”
One purposeful blink, another one, mouth pulled down in a slight, pitiful frown, before he ‘nervously’ bit down on his lower lip and that was when he saw the teacher crack completely. Suspicion draining from her face with a sound bordering on a coo, she took a step closer and rested her hand on his shoulder in a clearly comforting manner. Sehun considered it a congratulatory pat on the shoulder for his acting skills.
“My dear, there’s nothing to worry about. I know first days can be hard, but this is a very nice school and it seems you already found a friend.” With that she turned to look at Jongin, who had barely managed to turn his broad grin into an impressively demure smile.
“Why don’t you show this young man to his class, Jongin?”
“Sure, Mrs. Yoo.”
Biting down on a highly entertained snicker at the boy’s saint-like expression and tone of his deep voice, Sehun quickly followed after him, desperate to get some distance between himself and the teacher, before his control snapped completely. They made it down the corridor and around the next corridor, before Jongin broke down with a snorting laugh, leaning against the off-white wall for support, as he tried to muffle the sound of his laughter with the palm of his hand. Sehun lasted approximately three seconds longer, at which point both of them ended up with their backs against the wall, heads thrown back and hands clutching at their stomachs, as waves and waves of choked-up laughter exploded out of them.
It took them more than a minute to calm down enough to make talking even a remote possibility, but eventually Jongin turned to look at him, wiping away the tears running down his cheeks and grinning so broadly, Sehun couldn’t do anything but return the infectious smile.
“What’s your name?”
“Sehun, Oh Sehun.”
“I’m Kim Jongin and I’m pretty sure you’re going to fit right in here.”
Jongin had been right of course. Within days Sehun’s apprehension about transferring to a new school and being surrounded by people he didn’t know had vanished entirely, steamrolled completely by Jongin and his more than slightly chaotic circle of friends. Only to find his short-lived contentment replaced with a new kind of worry approximately a week later, which not-so-surprisingly marked the day he had first met Kim Jongdae.
They had their books spread out on the dinner table - Jongin didn’t seem to spend a lot of time in his own room, which was a completely foreign concept to Sehun - and were in the middle of doing their homework. Kind of. He had at least opened his book on the right page and written down the date on his sheet of paper, which was more than he had been able to say five minutes ago and they had been at this for almost an hour.
And while the juicy rumors about a new high profile couple at school had served as quite the distraction from their homework, the clicking of the lock and following, familiarly loud greeting, made them look like last year’s news all of a sudden.
“I’m home! Everyone run for cover!”
Sitting bolt upright in his chair, he watched with bated breath as Jongdae walked into the room a few seconds later and felt his heart slam up in his throat at the utterly gorgeous sight of him. Waiting while the elder exchanged a quick, but affectionate greeting with his younger brother, he tried to force the undoubtedly infatuated expression from his face and prayed to the high heavens that he had succeeded when Jongdae abruptly turned to him.
“Hey, there. Doing your homework?”
Sehun would have gladly let Jongin answer Jongdae’s question, but the elder was definitely looking at him, expression alert and slightly amused, as if he knew what effect he was having on Sehun at the moment - which he really, really, really hoped wasn’t the case.
“We’re… uhm… getting to that. I think.”
Jongin’s snorting laughter and the flash of Jongdae’s grin told Sehun he had either managed to deliver a decent joke or just embarrassed himself again, but before he could think about it more, his best friend was already addressing his brother again.
“We’re gonna watch a movie later on. You should watch it with us.”
“Which one?”
“Not sure yet, but something with lots of explosions and a hot female lead. And a hot male lead as well, of course.”
Sehun looked up sharply at that, knowing that last part had been meant for him, and dreaded whatever might come out of Jongin’s mouth next. But to the younger’s relief his best friend simply left it at that and Sehun allowed himelf to relax in his seat. Well as much as that was possible with Jongdae standing so close.
“We’ll see. I have some homework of my own to do, but I’ll probably join you when I’m done. Don’t wait up for me.”
With that Jongdae reached up to give both their heads a playful ruffle before walking out onto the back patio to greet his parents. And while Jongin just gave a good-natured laugh at the affectionate touch, Sehun felt himself freeze in his chair on a sharp but quiet breath, entire body tingling with the phantom sensation of Jongdae’s fingers carding through his hair and the lingering warmth of the brief touch.
Sehun knew all too well that his reactions to the older man were getting worryingly out of hand. It wasn’t as if Jongdae had stroked his nape or touched his neck. He had simply patted his head, which was something people did to a little kid or, in Jongin’s case, a younger brother - not someone they might possibly consider locking lips with. So he really needed to get a grip.
And for one brief, blessedly peaceful second he thought he had actually gotten away with it, but then …
“Awww, so cute Sehunnie. Is your little crush giving you some trouble? Do you want to take a cold shower?”
He definitely needed a new friend.
-
They were almost forty minutes into the movie by the time Jongdae came down to join them, right after Jongin had left for the kitchen to get more napkins and bottles of soda after pathetically losing five consecutive rounds of rock-paper-scissors against Sehun. He let himself plop onto the couch next to Sehun, right where Jongin had sat just a few moments ago, and the younger’s stomach came alive with equal amounts of delight and twisting panic. He tried to keep his breathing steady, he really did, but he was painfully conscious of the lack of real distance between their knees and for a crazy second he let himself fantasize about shifting closer and feeling his leg press up against the elder’s. Sehun felt a quiet whimper bubbling up from his chest at the thought and quickly shook himself out of the daydream, before he actually did something really embarrassing.
“Are you expecting some friends?” Jongdae asked in an incredulous tone, taking in the huge amount of food on the coffee table.
Jongin’s parents had gone out for a romantic dinner, since Jongdae was home to “watch the kids”, as his mother had so teasingly put it, and the two friends had jumped at the chance and ordered half the menu from the nearby chicken restaurant. After all Jongin had an addiction and Sehun didn’t mind letting his best friend have his way - once in a while.
Thankfully, Jongin returned before Sehun actually had to open his mouth, distracting his brother with his whiny protest at having his spot on the couch hijacked. Jongdae just looked at the younger with a defiantly raised eyebrow. A few seconds of a tense staring match later, Jongin shuffled his way over to the empty arm chair, grumbling about stupid older brothers and useless best friends that couldn’t even protect his spot.
Another fifteen minutes later and Jongin was fast asleep, judging by the soft, familiar snoring sounds, and Sehun hadn’t taken his eyes off the TV screen even once, despite the fact that he had no idea in hell what was going on in that movie anymore. He felt hyperaware of Jongdae next to him. Every little shift, every move of his hand to the otherwise untouched bowl of popcorn, even the tiniest change in his breathing patterns, Sehun knew he was aware of all of it. And it had him ready to jump out of his skin with a mix of longing and anxiousness.
“Sehun.” There was an inquiring tone to his voice as Jongdae eventually broke the stifling silence between them and Sehun wasn’t sure if he wanted to shed tears of gratefulness or bury himself under a pile of cushions at the thought of having a conversation with the older man. He settled for giving a low hum of acknowledgement, instead of actually attempting coherent speech. “I used to hate these kinds of questions in high school, so feel free to tell me to piss off, but I’m just curious about your plans for college.”
Okay. College plans. He could probably do that, considering how often his parents interrogated him on the topic. The key would just be to unglue his tongue from the roof of his mouth, try not to look at Jongdae too much and pretend he was talking to someone else - someone like Baekhyun, who didn’t wake a desperate, sheer all-consuming urge in Sehun to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
“Actually,” he forced out and almost gave in to the whim of patting himself on the shoulder for even getting out an actual, intelligible word, “I got accepted into the same college as you. I applied because of the great business program.”
“Business, huh?”
“Business and Literature studies, actually. I want to go into publishing one day and become an editor.”
That had Jongdae visibly perking up with interest and Sehun’s stomach swooped at the way those eyes focused on him, the way those perpetually curled lips formed an even more pronounced smile.
“So you like to read? What are your favorite genres?”
Sehun almost sighed in relief. This was something he could talk about easily, despite the restlessness inside of him.
“Anything that’s good. I’m not really particular about genres. I recently read Murakami’s ‘The Wind-up Bird Chronicle’ and I can’t decide if it’s just plain weird or awesome.”
Looking at Jongdae while talking had turned out to be too much of a challenge, but his quiet chuckle sent Sehun’s stomach into a new fit of nervous, delighted tumbling.
“What else did you read?”
“Well, there was that ‘Fifty Shades’ story…”
“You read that?”
There was open astonishment in the elder’s voice, enough to pull Sehun’s gaze back to the man sitting beside him.
“Yeah well, I told you I’m not choosy when it comes to genres and all the girls in my math class were talking about it again, since they’re apparently turning the book into a movie. So I got curious…” he trailed off after that, thinking back to the story with a small frown knitting his forehead, “It was… blah. The guy’s an asshole.”
“Some women seem to like assholes.”
There was that amused something in Jongdae’s voice again and only his inherent excitement at being able to talk about books made it possible to focus on his next words, rather than the tingling that was spreading all the way to his fingertips.
“Yeah, and I get it, kinda… but there are so many good stories with assholes as the protagonist. ‘Pride and Prejudice’ for example. Mr. Darcy’s an arrogant jerk as well, but a strangely likeable one with style, and he eventually turns out to be a decent guy. He’s just a bit uptight and socially awkward without wanting to admit it. That’s some great characterization!”
To his mortification, he only realized he had been gesticulating wildly and letting his excitement run away with him again, when he looked up and found Jongdae staring at him with the widest grin. Sehun felt himself blushing violently and sheepishly ducked his head.
“W-what?”
“You really read anything you can get your hands on, don’t you?”
“It’s a great story!”
Sehun really couldn’t help it if his voice sounded a bit - okay, a lot - defensive.
“I know, I read it.”
That certainly got his attention. Which was a completely ridiculous thing to say, when Sehun doubted he had ever been more focused on anything or anyone than he was on Kim Jongdae.
“You did?”
“Yup, first year in college I was trying to impress this really cute guy. He was the tutor of a lit course, so I signed up for it to get his attention. Didn’t work out, though, since he hooked up with the girl sitting next to me two weeks later. The books we read were interesting enough to keep me from dropping out, though. ‘Pride and Prejudice’ was one of them.”
Sehun felt as if a bomb had just gone off inside his head, mind reeling with what he had just heard, and all thoughts of books or characters were yanked from his mind, as he replayed the words over and over again, just to make sure he wasn’t having some crush-induced hallucinations.
“Cute guy? Does that mean you’re…”
“Gay?” Jongdae provided helpfully, as Sehun felt his throat close up and tongue catch on that last word. “I am, actually. I thought Jongin would have told you already, considering how easily he outed you last week.”
He sounded so nonchalant about it, wholly unconcerned, when it felt like Sehun’s world had just been flipped upside down.
“I … he … no. As far as I know he hasn’t drunk any alcohol since then, so he didn’t really get the opportunity to out anyone else.”
It must have been his shock at finding out the guy he had the most paralyzing crush on actually liked guys as well, that made it possible for Sehun to answer like that, after all he hadn’t been able to make a joke in front of Jongdae before. Even the older boy seemed surprised, before he broke out into loud laughter, throwing his head back in obvious mirth and letting himself sink deeper into the soft cushions behind him.
“So, was ’Fifty Shades’ the last book you read?” Jongdae asked when he had gotten his laughter under control again and Sehun almost couldn’t believe it, but the elder seemed genuinely interested in having and prolonging this conversation with him. For the first time since he had spied Jongdae stepping into the room, he felt some of the nervous, tragically infatuated tension melting away. Talking to the other boy was turning out to be a lot easier, now that he wasn’t stumbling over his every word, and Jongdae certainly didn’t seem to mind Sehun making a fool out of himself once in a while.
“No, I had to read something different right away. You know, like drinking something to get rid of a taste you didn’t like, so I asked another classmate to rec me something else. I’m reading the first book in the ‘In Death’ series now, which apparently has a million installments, and it’s actually really good. Which has my bank account weeping at the prospect of buying all these books soon. Honestly, I think there are forty of them or something like that!”
“In Death? What is it? Some kind of horror series?”
“No, it’s actually a crime story set in the future. The female and male lead are a lot cooler as well. They're not assholes like Mr. Grey, but just bad enough to be interesting.”
Jongdae’s curiously raised eyebrow and slight nod were all the encouragement he needed to slip into a detailed analysis of the plot and characters, thoroughly tickled by Jongdae’s silly, but strangely insightful questions and comments. He had just finished his account of how the cat, of all characters actually saves the day, when a sleepy, mumbled “What time is it?” cut him off mid-sentence. Looking up with wide eyes, he watched Jongin straighten up from his curled-up position in the arm chair, face still muddled with the residue of sleep. Sehun had honestly forgotten that Jongin had been in the room with them, he had been so caught up in his entirely unexpected conversation with his best friend’s older brother.
“Apparently past your curfew.”
Jongdae’s mock scathing comment was enough to pull him back into reality. A quick glance at the clock, before he looked back at Jongdae and suddenly it seemed almost surreal that they had just talked for well over an hour. Just this morning, the whole notion of having a normal conversation with Jongdae had been something bordering on unimaginable, nothing but a pipe dream he would conjure up while lying in bed at night, incapable of banishing the other man from his mind. And now, it had somehow become a reality.
“You suck,” came Jongin’s eloquent reply and for the second time, Sehun found himself yanked firmly back into the presence and out of his drifting thoughts. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”
Sehun shot up from the couch on the heels of that statement, drawing both brothers’ gazes with the abrupt movement, but the sudden pressing urge to leave actually had him beyond the point of caring.
“Me too. I’m beat.”
He tried not to look at Jongdae, he really did, but his eyes were unerringly drawn to his still seated form. The younger felt himself give a slight start as he met the older’s intent, curious gaze - eyebrows raised and lips pursed in thought. He realized that the strange ease of the past hour seemed entirely unattainable now. With a mumbled “g’night”, face feeling familiarly hot from the weight of Jongdae’s gaze on his back, Sehun left the room with the younger of the Kim brothers and did his best to ignore Jongin’s half curious, half suggestive side glances all the way up to his room.
-
Three days later, Sehun lay sprawled out on Jongin’s bed while his friend lay on the floor, trying to salvage what was left of his lab report - which he'd somehow managed to pour half a can of soda over earlier. Sehun blindly fumbled for his phone at the squawking of a Kakaotalk notification that was barely audible over Jongin’s frustrated grumbling. Fleetingly he thought that he really needed to change his alert sound, as the standard one was annoying as hell, but one look at the new conversation thread on his phone’s screen and all cursory notions simply flew from his mind, body jerking upright on the bed and heart slamming up in his throat.
KimJongdae
Hey, I hope it’s ok that I bribed your ID out of my little brother.
Forgot to ask you for your number on Sunday.
A stunned side glance at Jongin, who was cursing imaginatively at the wreckage of his homework by now - how could he have not told him about this?! - before he found his complete attention drawn back to his phone. He was typing a reply within seconds.
Sehuuuun
ofc it’s okay
KimJongdae
You disappeared so quickly, I actually considered checking the floor for skid marks LMAO.
Left me with the clean-up duty for your chicken feast as well!
Sehun could imagine the face Jongdae was probably making all too well - insolently raised eyebrow, wry smile and sly twinkle in his dark, intense eyes - and it did nothing to douse the heat spreading in his tummy, or abate the flush rising to his cheeks.
Sehuuuun
so sry for bolting like that!!!
just rly tired
KimJongdae
Riiiiiiight…
Sehuuuun
I MEAN IT!!!
Five minutes later, he still hadn’t gotten a reply. With a defeated groan, Sehun buried his face in Jongin’s pillow and briefly considered staying like this until he passed out from the lack of oxygen. It wouldn’t be half as painful as the feeling of utter humiliation currently coursing through his body.
“Are you dying?”, came Jongin’s insultingly disinterested question and even though he couldn’t be sure, with his face still firmly planted in the pillow, he had the suspicion his best friend hadn’t even bothered to look at him.
“Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Okay.”
At that Sehun gave up his plans of self-suffocation in favor of chucking the pillow at his pain in the ass of a best friend, cackling evilly when Jongin’s half-full can of soda fell over and spilled its contents a second time.
-
To his sheer neverending torture, it took Jongdae several hours to reply and when Sehun finally read it, he knew he hadn’t been able to convince Jongin’s older brother in the least. But somehow that one short conversation turned into more of them, passing comments and hurriedly sent pictures, whenever Jongdae or Sehun came across something amusing or share-worthy. Evenings, as well as the Tuesday and Thursday afternoons he usually spent in the library reading, while he waited for Jongin’s dance practice to end, were suddenly spent texting with Jongdae. Usually about the most random things, like the new books Sehun was reading, favorite Ben&Jerry’s flavors - the discussion once turned heated over Peanut Buttercup and Cookie Dough - or Sehun tattling to Jongdae about his younger brother’s idiocies.
Compared to the interactions he’d had with Jongdae before, talking to him like this was easy. Not having him right in front of him, looking all kinds of wonderful and distracting, went a long way towards taking care of Sehun’s uncharacteristic awkwardness.
Talking to him actually became so effortless, almost natural, that he eventually opened up to the elder about a lot more serious topics as well. He wasn’t even sure how they came to talk about it, but one late night in particular was spent sharing their experiences of coming out. While Jongdae’s family, even his very traditional grandparents, had been nothing but supportive, a lot of his friends had turned away from him after finding out. Sehun’s own experience had been the exact mirror image. His friends had stood behind him completely, had shown him that his preference for other men didn’t matter to them in the least, while his parents had made it perfectly clear that it was unacceptable to them, going as far as telling him they didn’t want him in their house anymore after he finished high school, unless he managed to “sort out his priorities”. It was the reason why moving to a new town in the middle of the semester had been especially scary. Knowing no one but his parents - parents that couldn’t accept him as he was - and having to start anew without his friends right beside him, had been scary as hell. Even if Sehun had pretended to be okay.
And that was why he was so grateful to have met Jongin on his very first day at his new school. Despite his occasional horribleness - something he probably had in common with Sehun - he was lucky to have found someone who had accepted him completely, sexuality and intense crush on his older brother included.
-
With Jongdae’s busy college schedule and Sehun being forced to spend at least the occasional weekend at home with his parents, it was weeks before they met in person again. To his complete chagrin, the older man hadn’t even bothered to let him know he would be at home over the weekend and so it came as quite a surprise when Jongdae suddenly joined them outside at the pool, where Jongin floated around lazily on his air mattress and Sehun lay sprawled out in one of the sun chairs.
Feeling a sudden shadow falling over him, Sehun blinked open his eyes, disgruntled at having his sun blocked, and had to bite down on a gasp of shock when he realized it was Jongdae leaning slightly over him.
“Hey.” The flash of a bright smile had something inside the younger’s chest flipping over giddily. “You’re not getting into the water?”
“No. I… no.” Sehun mumbled dumbly, just to wrench his gaze away and focus intently on his toes, feeling his heart pick up its pace at having Jongdae standing in front of him so unexpectedly.
“Sehun doesn’t do water. He just lies in the sun like a limp noodle and applies sunscreen every five minutes to keep from looking like a charred piece of meat at the end of the day.”
Shooting a glare at his best friend, he did his best to block out the sound of Jongdae’s laughter and announced with feeling, “You’re an awful person.”
Jongin didn’t seem all that bothered by the announcement, simply returning Sehun’s death glare with an angelic smile and sweet “I know, you tell me all the time,” that had the younger earnestly considering getting into the water, for the sole purpose of drowning his ratty best friend.
“You don’t?” Jongdae’s question had his gaze and head jerking to the side so quickly, he thought he heard something give an alarming crack in his neck. “How do you survive? It’s so freakin’ hot. I’ve been dreaming of our pool every night for the past week. I’m pretty sure I missed it more than I missed Jongin.”
“Hey!”
An indignant squawk from where Jongin was still floating around on his air mattress and then a torrent of water drenched Jongdae’s entire back, tiny droplets of water splashing Sehun in the progress, before he watched the oldest of them wheeling around with the promise of retaliation flashing in his eyes and canon-balling into the pool, to skillfully throw his younger brother into the water in the process. Things quickly escalated into an all-out water brawl, so Sehun used the opportunity to slip inside with the excuse of getting something to drink.
But with the chill of the soda bottle against his fingers and the palm of his hand, Sehun immediately set it down on the kitchen counter and made his way over to the sink. He braced his arms on the marble top and took a deep, steadying breath, deciding on water instead of soda, as he already felt jittery enough and didn’t think more sugar would help. Holding out for maybe twenty seconds, Sehun eventually let out the despairing groan, head slumping down in defeat.
Some naïve part of him had hoped that seeing Jongdae in person would be easier now, but with a feeling of sinking dread he realized that it might have actually become worse instead. Because, despite the fact that he had thought it completely impossible, he had somehow managed to fall even deeper in love and want with Jongdae over the last couple of weeks. The fact that he could apparently be outspoken and semi-flirty with Jongdae on Kakaotalk, but was still the same awkward mess in front of him, was one of the most depressing realizations of his entire life. And he didn’t give a damn how melodramatic that sounded.
Any more attempts to feel sorry for himself were interrupted by the sensation of something very cold and very damp pressing into the curve of his neck. Sehun jerked around with a ringing yelp, shocked sound fizzling out into a choked-up gasp as he became aware of the fact that Jongdae had apparently followed him inside. Standing there in nothing but his board shorts, still lightly dripping water onto the tiled floor and holding Sehun’s abandoned bottle, the older man watched him with a mix of reflectiveness and lazy entertainment and all but took his breath away. He didn’t have the same caramel-colored complexion as Jongin, but he was still heart-stoppingly beautiful. Sun-kissed skin stretching over toned muscles, dark, wet hair a wild mess and plastered to his forehead, while his eyes started flickering with an almost volatile emotion. An emotion that had Sehun becoming aware of his own skinny pastiness and beginning to feel even more flushed and self-conscious than he had just a few seconds ago.
In a desperate attempt to find something - anything - to break the ever-thickening tension and silence between them, Sehun motioned towards the soda Jongdae had just put down next to him on the kitchen counter.
“Are you planning on drinking that?”
“No.”
Grateful to have something to do, Sehun returned the drink into the fridge, not realizing the older man had stepped closer, while he’d had his back facing him, until he turned around and found him less than an arm-length away. It was distracting enough to have the younger a beat too late to bite down on his breathless, and anything but displeased sound of surprise.
“You know,” Jongdae’s voice was pitched curiously low, rougher around the edges than usual, and with a panicked widening of his eyes, Sehun felt a clearly visible shiver travelling down his spine. The lazy curling of Jongdae’s lips told him that the elder had definitely noticed as well. “Maybe it’s just me, but I somehow expected a warmer welcome.”
He knew he needed to stop staring at those lips, needed to focus and get himself to say something, but he didn’t know how when Jongdae was talking again and successfully wrecking the little bit of concentration still left in him.
“I really thought we were beyond the point of you stuttering out a barely coherent greeting and stumbling away as soon as you catch sight of me.”
“I … I don’t …”
His failure of an answer died a miserable, garbled death on his tongue as Jongdae took another step closer - close enough for Sehun to breathe in that delicious note of cinnamon and mint again - and something inside of him simply snapped. The maddening closeness of those lips, the pooling of heat and electrifying awareness in his belly, as well as the pent-up longing that had reached its boiling point ages ago, would have probably been enough. But in the end it was the almost challenging glint in Jongdae’s eyes that had Sehun giving in to insanity on a surrendering groan. Tangling his fingers in the soft hair at Jongdae’s nape, he leaned in to press their lips together in a rushed, almost desperate kiss and to his utter and complete astonishment, it took the older man less than a second to respond, head tilting to the side and mouth opening to the demand of Sehun lightly sucking down on that tempting bottom lip. Swallowing Jongdae’s little moan, the fucking most beautiful sound in existence, Sehun allowed himself a few more seconds of kissing the smaller man before he wrenched himself away from the other’s mouth again, just barely conscious enough to know there was something he had to say first.
“I don’t even know why I can’t seem to act normal with you!” Sehun all but wailed, focusing entirely on his rant to keep himself from freaking out over the fact that he had just kissed Kim Jongdae. “It’s the most… wretched thing ever! I feel like a complete idiot whenever you’re around and the fact that I know I’m making a fool out of myself, really doesn’t make it better! Not when I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything about it. Because I like you. A lot. So much so that it’s actually becoming a problem and I-”
He cut himself off on a sharp breath when he finally became aware of the insanely satisfied grin spreading on the elder’s face.
“Yeah, I noticed.”
With that Jongdae leaned back in to pick up right where they had left off. Sehun tried to stay focused, tried to concentrate on the fact that Jongdae hadn’t actually said anything about liking him back, but it was simply impossible with the way the smaller man was nibbling on his bottom lip, teeth coming down on softly pliant flesh, before he soothed the sting away with an almost lazy flick of his tongue.
Another scrape of Jongdae’s teeth over his lip and Sehun found himself arching away from the fridge and against Jongdae’s chest on a barely audible whine, fingers digging into the hot skin of the elder’s back. He just knew that any second now, there would be no way for Jongdae to miss exactly how much Sehun was enjoying the teasing touches. So it was with a mix of crushing disappointment and fluttering relief that he found himself released a few moments later, dazed eyes meeting Jongdae’s gaze as the smaller leaned the slightest bit away from him.
“You should come visit me on campus soon. I’ll show you around so you’ll already be familiar with everything by the time you start college in the fall.”
Considering the fact that Sehun was still trying to get his seriously choppy breathing under control, currents of heat and pleasure still travelling along his nerve endings, he found himself blinking at the elder in dizzy confusion, at a complete loss about the seemingly random invitation.
“I’ll show you the best places to hang out, where to get decent food and coffee without having to queue up for half an hour and point out the people to avoid, because they’ll definitely make a move on you, not caring that you have a very possessive boyfriend to answer to.”
It took him a few moments, but eventually something clicked inside his mind and the blond ended up choking on thin air. He was probably having heat-induced hallucinations. He had been lying out in the sun for too long after all, or maybe all that great kissing had left him with two or three blown fuses, because he could have sworn Jongdae had just said …
“Boy… boyfriend?”
The elder looked entirely too satisfied with himself at the hopeful, incredulous tone of Sehun’s voice, but before he could open his mouth to give what would have undoubtedly been a skillfully teasing reply, the shouting from outside had them both jumping in surprise.
“ALRIGHT, I’M COMING INSIDE BECAUSE I REALLY NEED TO PEE! I’LL GIVE YOU TEN SECONDS, SO YOU BETTER NOT BE MAKING OUT BY THE TIME I STEP INSIDE! TEN… NINE… EIGHT… SEVEN…”
Author's note: Biggest thanks to my wonderful beta-reader! And to whoever came up with this prompt: I had a blast writing this story, so I really hope you'll like it.