It's February winter in LA -- the air is thick and holds a person's spirit in anticipatiopn before giving way to a heavy, cold rain with no wind. It's the physical embodiment of grey
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With blue eyes closed, Miniver nuzzles into Pickles' shoulder and reaches out to scritch Kate.
"I know, love. And... it really does kinda help to see what kinda stuff you put in these things, and I gotta tell you... it ain't even been a month and I can sorta tell it's working a little for me, too."
He smiles up at Pickles, leaning heavily into him.
"I know it's gonna sound damn pathetic and horribly pointless, but it just kinda hurts a little to read stuff like this, cuz I love you so much... Y'ever love someone so much you wanna protect 'em from everything? There's something kinda deeply fucked up about reading all this shit I know I can't save you from." He sighs and leans up to kiss Pickles' cheek. "I wouldn't have it any other way, of course. There's something else about this... I've never cared about anyone like this before in my life. I really don't wanna sound freaky but... however much it hurts, it's good because it helps me find the parts in me that need that, y'know?"
He smiled, "Yeah babe, I do know that feelin'. I met you when you were just a li'l kid, an' I just wanted to take you out of that situation, pull you away from alla that shit you went through. Hurt like hell that I couldn't."
He pressed a kiss to Miniver's forehead, letting Kate bounce out of his lap and into Miniver's pseudo-lap instead. "Sometimes, baby, it scares me to know yer readin' this. It's got some pretty fucked up shit in it. I mean... well. You read some'a the worst of it already, I think." Pickles' eyes slipped closed, and he sighed. "I'm gunna tell you this now. I'm fine now. I'm better'n I ever have been. An' the love you feel fer me is like the kind I feel fer you. How Tony and I were? Well... Baby, I ain't gunna lie, I loved him. I loved him like fire. I loved him like the moon and the stars and the ocean. But he ain't that guy no more, an' I ain't that kid that loved him, neither."
He bundled Miniver up into his arms and sighed, "An' what's more, is I never loved him enough to change fer him. I'm changin' fer you
Miniver loops one arm around the puggle, and with the other reaches up to stroke Pickles' face. There's no direction to his caress; just a gesture to reinforce the bond between them.
"I don't want you to change. I'll never ask that of you. I love you. I love this person I get to know through these journals. I love the crazy fucker who I met that one night, who'd told me himself to try to change his future... though not in so many words." More nuzzling, scooting closer. "I love alla those guys. I know they're different. We both change. I love who you were and who you are and that guy I've met who seems to be who you'll become. I don't want you to change for me. I want you to be comfortable with changing with me. Live your life. Lemme live mine. Let's figure it out together."
Miniver rubs Kate's belly as he topples into Pickles' lap. "It's beautiful, the way you love. Tony... man, I wish I could get to know him and find some kinda peace with him. He sounds like a pretty cool guy."
"Changin' fer you ain't so bad, I mean... it's little things. I take a shower every day, I brush my teeth? Little shit. Quit some drugs, made sure you were comfy here, that this world is as much yer own as it is mine."
He almost blushed! Gah! "Hey, I never really heard that before. Heh. An' I told you, he was a good guy back in th'day. Now he's broken."
"Little things is okay, I guess," he allows. "I change that too, f'r you. And it kinda makes me happy to do it. Man, it's a shame about Tony, though. From these books like... he seems like he mighta been a real cool guy I'd have wanted to smack now and then. Not so different from a loota guys I know. Hey, Sean? I'm... real sorry about all that. How it broke so bad. I really am."
Comments 52
"I know, love. And... it really does kinda help to see what kinda stuff you put in these things, and I gotta tell you... it ain't even been a month and I can sorta tell it's working a little for me, too."
He smiles up at Pickles, leaning heavily into him.
"I know it's gonna sound damn pathetic and horribly pointless, but it just kinda hurts a little to read stuff like this, cuz I love you so much... Y'ever love someone so much you wanna protect 'em from everything? There's something kinda deeply fucked up about reading all this shit I know I can't save you from." He sighs and leans up to kiss Pickles' cheek. "I wouldn't have it any other way, of course. There's something else about this... I've never cared about anyone like this before in my life. I really don't wanna sound freaky but... however much it hurts, it's good because it helps me find the parts in me that need that, y'know?"
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He pressed a kiss to Miniver's forehead, letting Kate bounce out of his lap and into Miniver's pseudo-lap instead. "Sometimes, baby, it scares me to know yer readin' this. It's got some pretty fucked up shit in it. I mean... well. You read some'a the worst of it already, I think." Pickles' eyes slipped closed, and he sighed. "I'm gunna tell you this now. I'm fine now. I'm better'n I ever have been. An' the love you feel fer me is like the kind I feel fer you. How Tony and I were? Well... Baby, I ain't gunna lie, I loved him. I loved him like fire. I loved him like the moon and the stars and the ocean. But he ain't that guy no more, an' I ain't that kid that loved him, neither."
He bundled Miniver up into his arms and sighed, "An' what's more, is I never loved him enough to change fer him. I'm changin' fer you
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"I don't want you to change. I'll never ask that of you. I love you. I love this person I get to know through these journals. I love the crazy fucker who I met that one night, who'd told me himself to try to change his future... though not in so many words." More nuzzling, scooting closer. "I love alla those guys. I know they're different. We both change. I love who you were and who you are and that guy I've met who seems to be who you'll become. I don't want you to change for me. I want you to be comfortable with changing with me. Live your life. Lemme live mine. Let's figure it out together."
Miniver rubs Kate's belly as he topples into Pickles' lap. "It's beautiful, the way you love. Tony... man, I wish I could get to know him and find some kinda peace with him. He sounds like a pretty cool guy."
Reply
He almost blushed! Gah! "Hey, I never really heard that before. Heh. An' I told you, he was a good guy back in th'day. Now he's broken."
Reply
"Little things is okay, I guess," he allows. "I change that too, f'r you. And it kinda makes me happy to do it. Man, it's a shame about Tony, though. From these books like... he seems like he mighta been a real cool guy I'd have wanted to smack now and then. Not so different from a loota guys I know. Hey, Sean? I'm... real sorry about all that. How it broke so bad. I really am."
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