Because I am Clearly Deranged...
So, this was written in response to Latin_Doll's chapter 10 (I think) of "Plogviehze Baby" (not that I can spell). It's set in the ficverse of that story and, er, is supposed to provide extra back-story to her story. Er.
Ye Gods, I'm fanficking other people fanfiction... What has become of me???
Anyway. Here it is. It's all of four paragraphs long. Whee, angsty, smutty, sniffly introspection.
What It Means
"You realize this doesn't mean anything?" she'd asked, because it was breaking a hundred army regulations even before you got to the part where they were both female under the uniforms, and maybe because the non-existant socks were talking, and she was letting them because it made it easier to face Mal's smirking 'I do', and because it let her pretend, just for a moment, that it really didn't mean anything to her at all.
But Mal had kept kissing her, and her lips had moved as though she knew Polly's body already, and there had been skin -- soft, warm, yielding, perfect flesh -- pressed against her own naked body, and she'd been gasping the taste of Mal's mouth as though she'd drown if she stopped breathing her breath. There had been warm hands cupping her small, aching breasts, sliding, smooth and gentle and patient, between her legs until the pressure inside her had finally broken and the release had ripped through her like an earth quake. Somewhere between the mamalian need not to freeze and the very human need to feel something, anything, that wasn't cold or fear or misery or low-level perpetual pain -- somewhere between the bitter cold nights and the warmth of Mal's body, somwhere between the winter and the spring, it had begun to mean something to her.
"Missed me?" Mal had asked, laughing, that bitter cold morning that seemed like a hundred years ago. If she'd ever had any intention of saying 'yes', it had vanished when the question was asked.
But it did mean something, and it hurt to know that it wasn't the same for Mal. Maybe the reason she kept asking Mal 'why' was because she wanted to drive it home -- like a stake through the heart, no less -- that she was nothing more to Mal than a meal.
But maybe it was because she wanted Mal to tell her she meant more than that.
***
Reactions? :-)
Ye Gods, I'm fanficking other people fanfiction... What has become of me???
Anyway. Here it is. It's all of four paragraphs long. Whee, angsty, smutty, sniffly introspection.
What It Means
"You realize this doesn't mean anything?" she'd asked, because it was breaking a hundred army regulations even before you got to the part where they were both female under the uniforms, and maybe because the non-existant socks were talking, and she was letting them because it made it easier to face Mal's smirking 'I do', and because it let her pretend, just for a moment, that it really didn't mean anything to her at all.
But Mal had kept kissing her, and her lips had moved as though she knew Polly's body already, and there had been skin -- soft, warm, yielding, perfect flesh -- pressed against her own naked body, and she'd been gasping the taste of Mal's mouth as though she'd drown if she stopped breathing her breath. There had been warm hands cupping her small, aching breasts, sliding, smooth and gentle and patient, between her legs until the pressure inside her had finally broken and the release had ripped through her like an earth quake. Somewhere between the mamalian need not to freeze and the very human need to feel something, anything, that wasn't cold or fear or misery or low-level perpetual pain -- somewhere between the bitter cold nights and the warmth of Mal's body, somwhere between the winter and the spring, it had begun to mean something to her.
"Missed me?" Mal had asked, laughing, that bitter cold morning that seemed like a hundred years ago. If she'd ever had any intention of saying 'yes', it had vanished when the question was asked.
But it did mean something, and it hurt to know that it wasn't the same for Mal. Maybe the reason she kept asking Mal 'why' was because she wanted to drive it home -- like a stake through the heart, no less -- that she was nothing more to Mal than a meal.
But maybe it was because she wanted Mal to tell her she meant more than that.
***
Reactions? :-)