FAN FIC: Terminator - Questioning Fate {prologue}
Title: Questioning Fate
Author: Syrai
Rating: PG-13 for now anyway (for language)
Pairings: Kate/John/Original character triangle, sort of
Status: WIP
Summary: Judgment Day never came but now, 2006 it's about to. To prevent it from happening is another person sent through time to help John Connor and his wife. But what is going on and what are the real reasons behind Robin York's actions?
Author's Note: { I am sick and tired of geocities eating my fics! And I'm not a fan of ff.net's, so I'm sorry, but I'll be flooding your friends pages some more... }
So yeah, judgment day never came. Sure, John Connor did get into a little accident and sure he did end up being locked up into a cage by Kate Brewster and yes, sure, the big bad T-X showed up and ruined the day. Kate never lost his father only his (sorry for me saying) cute but dull fiancé - John and Kate were in time to stop it all from happening. Ah yes, happy scenario - Kate ended up falling for John (yes the bad boy act still works) but what they don't know is that the worse is yet to come. So this is from where the story goes on, two years after they met - from year 2006.
{ I have no idea what drove me into trying to write this fic. Maybe it was the cute cute cute cute look on John Connor's face when he sits in that lovely cage being all "I didn't do it." Yes, let's blame that. Kräyh bang! I could eat him, really. }
I'm slow with this fic, I know, but I haven't forgotten it!
{ I also happen to know I might have errors with the timeline even though I really tried to think it through as carefully as I could and well, other errors are possible too as English is not my first language. Anyways, feel free to point out my big mistakes, I don't mind but I can't promise I'd change them either -I've kinda made my own "timeline" out of information I've gathered and making dramatic changes will screw up the whole plot. We'll just forget everything that doesn't fit to the profile of my fic here and call this thing AU, oki? Mwuahaha, I'm that evil. }
Song I used is Staind's "Pressure" - gotta love it.
QUESTIONING FATE
// Prologue
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure
If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious to escape my fear
... the year 2016
I remember how my mom and dad used to take me into this beautiful park next to our home, right beside our backyard. I remember how they sat on the wooden bench for hours just watching how I ran around the park with other children; how I enjoyed myself under the bright yellow sun. I remember how they whispered sweet words to each other; I could hear them saying them though I always pretended that I didn't notice. I remember vaguely how Mom always laughed softly at his words - touched his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips which she thought went by unnoticed. But I noticed, and I was happy to notice too, it made me realise they were happy and still in love.
Hell, now that I think of it, I even remember my favourite swing was painted red like the sand box next to it. But, most importantly I remember how it felt to be there, I was so calm and happy. Never, not once, did I think my life would be like it is now. I never thought of the possibility of the world ending up into this particular point; I don't think any of us did - well, except for John Connor. He always knew what would happen - his mother made sure of that. Yeah, whatever. Blessed be Sarah Connor, the mother of our leader.
Naturally, the park doesn't exist anymore. Only in my dreams. Soon it won't be there either. It's slowly starting to fade from my mind, as I don't sleep that much now days and frankly; I dream even less. There's nothing to remind me of that place. It's not that I don't like sleeping or dreaming, if that matters, but when you keep hearing the distant voices of war humming in your ears 24/7; you just don't want to sleep or see any dreams… for you know what kind they'll be. Nightmares. The war that seems to have no end causes nothing but nightmares, and they haunt you even when you're awake. Sometimes they're so vivid that you aren't sure if it's dream or reality. Maybe a little bit of both from time to time. In the end you don't really care anymore - you don't have energy left to do that; you just let the visions come and go as they please. Sometimes they even end up being real. Sometimes you truly have heard people screaming in pain, and you realise you've once again been attacked.
It's ok, really. I kinda like spending my night's half-asleep, half-awake anyway. Gives me a chance to lay there in silence right beside him and guard his sleep. He definitely needs guarding, despite the fact he keeps denying it. I breathe in his scent and I don't want to exhale... simply 'cause I don't want to let it go. Sometimes I'm too scared to even breathe, for even the slightest noise can snap him awake. He's always been like that, at least as far as I can remember.
Sometimes he sees nightmares that make him tremble and he keeps yelling the name of his old lover, but I don't mind, I just want to take the pain away. I try to wake him up; kiss his forehead, whisper calming words into his ear… tell him I love him and ignore the fact he thinks he's holding someone else. He loved her more than he could ever love me, but I don't care about that. I'm just happy he's alive after all that shit he's been through.
Like a thief, I steal one last glance before I lean down closer to kiss his forehead gently, get up from the bed and start to get dressed. I pull my shirt over my head but I stop as I hear him move. I swear to God I stop breathing for a moment.
"York…" he mumbles my name and I smile wistfully - he always calls me by my last name for some reason. It's a habit of his he can't seem to loose, not that I'd mind, I do it too: call him by his last name.
"I'm here," I answer from the shadows though I know I should stay silent not to wake him up completely. But I realise it's too late now. He slowly opens his eyes and tries to find me from the shadows, but it's too dark for his eyes at first, it takes a moment before he's adjusted to the darkness.
"What ya doing there? Come back to bed," he says after he spots me by the door. I shake my head and pick up my trousers which were thrown on the floor a few hours ago - by him. I feel like crying. He tilts his head to one side, and I almost feel the burning desire to go back to bed and to be held by him.
"I can't," I answer finally.
"York," his voice is low and demanding. They don't call him leader for nothing. "It's the middle of the night - what you mean you can't? Drag your ass back to bed or I'll come and drag you back myself."
"Sorry, honey," I say trying to sound as normal as possible. I force myself to smile. Where the hell did I leave my jacket? I scan the floor till I spot it near the bed, and I take few steps closer to pick it up. "I really gotta go now ok? I have a few things on my mind which I need to sort out."
"Sort out? At this time? Like what?" He asks and sits up as I pull the jacket on. The blanket on top of him starts slowly to slip down and I silently pray he'll stop it - I don't think I could cope with him being naked right now.
"Nothing big. You shouldn't worry over little things ya know, just focus on the big issues. Like stopping the war… I'll just stop by the headquarters and I'll be back in a minute. Besides, I wanna make sure Sarah's ok. That was a nasty-looking wound she got today and I bet she's still in the infirmary."
"Yeah, it was and she better be there or I'll get pissed off," he admits, grabs the blanket pulling it back and continues, "but ya know, if I were you, I wouldn't worry that much. She's a tough girl, she'll survive. She takes after her mother." I flinch as he mentions her, his deceased wife.
"I know she does and hey, she does have a bit of you in her veins too so she'll be alright. You'll just sleep, ok? I'm gonna check up on Reese while I'm there so don't stay up and wait for me; sleep. You need to rest. Big day tomorrow."
"As big as any other day we've lived through," he answers and I smile. I wonder what he would say if he knew what I am about to do. Would he stop me and tell me to leave it; refuse to let me do it, or would he wish me luck and ask me to save Joy's life? I don't know.
"Go back to sleep," I say before I turn around and glance over my shoulder, "and John, be careful."
Before he can answer I close the door behind me and quicken my pace. I don't even notice the amount of junk and dirt around me anymore - I've gotten used to the cracked walls and floors filled with stuff (we don't have enough space to keep them anywhere else), not to mention the roof that could fall down on us any minute; at least it seems it could. During my first weeks down here it all looked worse… they really did manage to fix the place up pretty well. I'm glad, now it at least can be defined as home. We've lived underground for years; it's the only way to stay hidden from the machines.
As I reach the door of the infirmary I stop for a moment to listen but I don't have stand there for long before I hear their voices coming from the other side of the door. I recognize them immediately. Sarah Connor, the oldest daughter of John Connor's and Reese Connor, her little brother aged 8. I knock on the door but I don't wait for an answer, I never do; I just pull the door open and step in. Sarah is lying, well, sitting in an old hospital bed with Reese. They both turn to look at me as I enter, and they smile at me which always warms up my heart. It wasn't always like this. I mean, after their mother died they hated me. Sarah hated me for so long and so passionately that I thought I'd never survive - I was truly afraid of her sneaking up into my room in the middle of night and suffocating me with my own pillow. Wouldn't have surprised me really, she's a warrior like her mother and grandmother both were; guess it comes with the last name. Growing up in a world like this you gotta be strong I suppose, just wish she could've had the kind of childhood I did. She's only ten ya know.
"Hey," Sarah says as she sees me. "You came to check I'm still kicking and breathing?" She asks and I nod.
"Something like that, yeah." I shut the door behind me but I don't move closer to them. "Okay what's the problem York?" Reese asks me, and for a moment he sounds just like his father. I close my eyes and breathe.
"Problem? Who said there's a problem?" I open my eyes again to see them both looking at me with a meaningful look in their eyes. They exchange a knowing glance before Sarah speaks again.
"Well, for one the look on your face. You look like the judgment day had come all over again." I force myself to give a laugh as if she had just told me a joke.
"No, not really. Just wanted to make sure you're ok and that Reese is in bed - which he's not, I see." My face must say more than my words ever could 'cause he gets up, gives his sister a hug and walks up to me.
"Fine, see, I'm going," he says smiling before he gives me a quick hug. Then, in a blink of an eye he's gone.
"So, what's up?" Sarah asks and I can feel her blue eyes on me, screening through my expressions, examining.
"I'm about to do something that might end up being the most idiotic thing I've ever done," I say. She frowns and tilts her head just like her father always does. She's trying to figure out my words, I can see it in her eyes. Naturally she has no idea what I'm talking about, and I don't want her to - I don't want to explain it to her, as said, she's only 10 and my problems shouldn't become hers.
"You're going back aren't you?"
I blink.
"What did you say?"
"You're going back, aren't you?" she repeats calmly. I blink again and I feel my body tremble.
"Going back where?"
"To the past, of course. You're going to fuck with the timeline, aren't you? You know it's against our rules!"
"No." Perhaps I deny it little bit too fast, and perhaps a little bit too loudly as well, because she doesn't believe me at all. Her smile fades away completely and she stares at me, waiting for me to explain. She doesn't have to ask me to, the expression on her face is as demanding as always.
"No," I say again.
"Don't lie to me, I know you are."
"It's really none of your business, Sarah," I snap, though I know it has everything to do with her.
"Then why did you tell me you're about to do something really idiotic?" The smile on her face is a true mark of victory. I sigh. Okay, fine, she got me on that one. I have no idea.
"I dunno," I admit quietly. "I guess - I guess I wanted to see you two before…"
I don't have to complete my sentence, she does it for me. "Before you leave."
"Yeah."
"Well are you coming back?" I shake my head, if only I could explain it all to her, she'd understand. Yeah, sure, she's a child but I have this feeling she'd see my point of view better than her father ever could, and she'd forgive me. She'd be the one to hug me and wish me luck.
"No, Sarah I'm not - but I need you to do something for me, will you?"
"Depends on what it is."
"I want you to tell your father I did it because I love you and Reese - and cause I love him. You see, I know something even he doesn't know yet."
She frowns again, disbelief shines from her eyes. "No," she says shaking her head. "No - that's not possible. He's the head of this Resistance, there's nothing he doesn't know."
"No, you're wrong, I kept something from him. But I know he'll find it out eventually and when he does, he'll want to go back. I can't let him do that, so I'll go."
"So you're playing a martyr huh? Listen, we could send someone else!" I appreciate what she's trying to do but I must refuse, even though I'd be glad to let someone else go. I'm sure at least 20 of John Connor's loyal soldiers would want to do it but no; I can't change my mind anymore.
"No. I know things others don't - I know things even John doesn't know. It has to be me. I'm not doing this because I want to you know. I'm doing this because I have to. Will you tell him I said that? Will you tell him not to follow me - tell him that I'm gonna take care of it?"
"Take care of what?" she questions though she knows I can't tell.
"Sarah…" My voice is warning and it trembles a bit but she doesn't notice that.
"Fine. Sure, I'll tell him. You know he'd kick your ass if he knew about this?"
I roll my eyes and give a laugh. "Why do you think I'm leaving in the middle of night?"
---
Use QUESTIONING FATE tag to find the other chapters, thanks :)
Author: Syrai
Rating: PG-13 for now anyway (for language)
Pairings: Kate/John/Original character triangle, sort of
Status: WIP
Summary: Judgment Day never came but now, 2006 it's about to. To prevent it from happening is another person sent through time to help John Connor and his wife. But what is going on and what are the real reasons behind Robin York's actions?
Author's Note: { I am sick and tired of geocities eating my fics! And I'm not a fan of ff.net's, so I'm sorry, but I'll be flooding your friends pages some more... }
So yeah, judgment day never came. Sure, John Connor did get into a little accident and sure he did end up being locked up into a cage by Kate Brewster and yes, sure, the big bad T-X showed up and ruined the day. Kate never lost his father only his (sorry for me saying) cute but dull fiancé - John and Kate were in time to stop it all from happening. Ah yes, happy scenario - Kate ended up falling for John (yes the bad boy act still works) but what they don't know is that the worse is yet to come. So this is from where the story goes on, two years after they met - from year 2006.
{ I have no idea what drove me into trying to write this fic. Maybe it was the cute cute cute cute look on John Connor's face when he sits in that lovely cage being all "I didn't do it." Yes, let's blame that. Kräyh bang! I could eat him, really. }
I'm slow with this fic, I know, but I haven't forgotten it!
{ I also happen to know I might have errors with the timeline even though I really tried to think it through as carefully as I could and well, other errors are possible too as English is not my first language. Anyways, feel free to point out my big mistakes, I don't mind but I can't promise I'd change them either -I've kinda made my own "timeline" out of information I've gathered and making dramatic changes will screw up the whole plot. We'll just forget everything that doesn't fit to the profile of my fic here and call this thing AU, oki? Mwuahaha, I'm that evil. }
Song I used is Staind's "Pressure" - gotta love it.
QUESTIONING FATE
// Prologue
I can't take this I come unglued
I might breakdown in front of you
necessary to medicate
I'm not sleeping, can't stay awake
Can't see through this
Too much pressure
Drowning in this
Too much pressure
If you need me I'll be here
Half unconscious to escape my fear
... the year 2016
I remember how my mom and dad used to take me into this beautiful park next to our home, right beside our backyard. I remember how they sat on the wooden bench for hours just watching how I ran around the park with other children; how I enjoyed myself under the bright yellow sun. I remember how they whispered sweet words to each other; I could hear them saying them though I always pretended that I didn't notice. I remember vaguely how Mom always laughed softly at his words - touched his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips which she thought went by unnoticed. But I noticed, and I was happy to notice too, it made me realise they were happy and still in love.
Hell, now that I think of it, I even remember my favourite swing was painted red like the sand box next to it. But, most importantly I remember how it felt to be there, I was so calm and happy. Never, not once, did I think my life would be like it is now. I never thought of the possibility of the world ending up into this particular point; I don't think any of us did - well, except for John Connor. He always knew what would happen - his mother made sure of that. Yeah, whatever. Blessed be Sarah Connor, the mother of our leader.
Naturally, the park doesn't exist anymore. Only in my dreams. Soon it won't be there either. It's slowly starting to fade from my mind, as I don't sleep that much now days and frankly; I dream even less. There's nothing to remind me of that place. It's not that I don't like sleeping or dreaming, if that matters, but when you keep hearing the distant voices of war humming in your ears 24/7; you just don't want to sleep or see any dreams… for you know what kind they'll be. Nightmares. The war that seems to have no end causes nothing but nightmares, and they haunt you even when you're awake. Sometimes they're so vivid that you aren't sure if it's dream or reality. Maybe a little bit of both from time to time. In the end you don't really care anymore - you don't have energy left to do that; you just let the visions come and go as they please. Sometimes they even end up being real. Sometimes you truly have heard people screaming in pain, and you realise you've once again been attacked.
It's ok, really. I kinda like spending my night's half-asleep, half-awake anyway. Gives me a chance to lay there in silence right beside him and guard his sleep. He definitely needs guarding, despite the fact he keeps denying it. I breathe in his scent and I don't want to exhale... simply 'cause I don't want to let it go. Sometimes I'm too scared to even breathe, for even the slightest noise can snap him awake. He's always been like that, at least as far as I can remember.
Sometimes he sees nightmares that make him tremble and he keeps yelling the name of his old lover, but I don't mind, I just want to take the pain away. I try to wake him up; kiss his forehead, whisper calming words into his ear… tell him I love him and ignore the fact he thinks he's holding someone else. He loved her more than he could ever love me, but I don't care about that. I'm just happy he's alive after all that shit he's been through.
Like a thief, I steal one last glance before I lean down closer to kiss his forehead gently, get up from the bed and start to get dressed. I pull my shirt over my head but I stop as I hear him move. I swear to God I stop breathing for a moment.
"York…" he mumbles my name and I smile wistfully - he always calls me by my last name for some reason. It's a habit of his he can't seem to loose, not that I'd mind, I do it too: call him by his last name.
"I'm here," I answer from the shadows though I know I should stay silent not to wake him up completely. But I realise it's too late now. He slowly opens his eyes and tries to find me from the shadows, but it's too dark for his eyes at first, it takes a moment before he's adjusted to the darkness.
"What ya doing there? Come back to bed," he says after he spots me by the door. I shake my head and pick up my trousers which were thrown on the floor a few hours ago - by him. I feel like crying. He tilts his head to one side, and I almost feel the burning desire to go back to bed and to be held by him.
"I can't," I answer finally.
"York," his voice is low and demanding. They don't call him leader for nothing. "It's the middle of the night - what you mean you can't? Drag your ass back to bed or I'll come and drag you back myself."
"Sorry, honey," I say trying to sound as normal as possible. I force myself to smile. Where the hell did I leave my jacket? I scan the floor till I spot it near the bed, and I take few steps closer to pick it up. "I really gotta go now ok? I have a few things on my mind which I need to sort out."
"Sort out? At this time? Like what?" He asks and sits up as I pull the jacket on. The blanket on top of him starts slowly to slip down and I silently pray he'll stop it - I don't think I could cope with him being naked right now.
"Nothing big. You shouldn't worry over little things ya know, just focus on the big issues. Like stopping the war… I'll just stop by the headquarters and I'll be back in a minute. Besides, I wanna make sure Sarah's ok. That was a nasty-looking wound she got today and I bet she's still in the infirmary."
"Yeah, it was and she better be there or I'll get pissed off," he admits, grabs the blanket pulling it back and continues, "but ya know, if I were you, I wouldn't worry that much. She's a tough girl, she'll survive. She takes after her mother." I flinch as he mentions her, his deceased wife.
"I know she does and hey, she does have a bit of you in her veins too so she'll be alright. You'll just sleep, ok? I'm gonna check up on Reese while I'm there so don't stay up and wait for me; sleep. You need to rest. Big day tomorrow."
"As big as any other day we've lived through," he answers and I smile. I wonder what he would say if he knew what I am about to do. Would he stop me and tell me to leave it; refuse to let me do it, or would he wish me luck and ask me to save Joy's life? I don't know.
"Go back to sleep," I say before I turn around and glance over my shoulder, "and John, be careful."
Before he can answer I close the door behind me and quicken my pace. I don't even notice the amount of junk and dirt around me anymore - I've gotten used to the cracked walls and floors filled with stuff (we don't have enough space to keep them anywhere else), not to mention the roof that could fall down on us any minute; at least it seems it could. During my first weeks down here it all looked worse… they really did manage to fix the place up pretty well. I'm glad, now it at least can be defined as home. We've lived underground for years; it's the only way to stay hidden from the machines.
As I reach the door of the infirmary I stop for a moment to listen but I don't have stand there for long before I hear their voices coming from the other side of the door. I recognize them immediately. Sarah Connor, the oldest daughter of John Connor's and Reese Connor, her little brother aged 8. I knock on the door but I don't wait for an answer, I never do; I just pull the door open and step in. Sarah is lying, well, sitting in an old hospital bed with Reese. They both turn to look at me as I enter, and they smile at me which always warms up my heart. It wasn't always like this. I mean, after their mother died they hated me. Sarah hated me for so long and so passionately that I thought I'd never survive - I was truly afraid of her sneaking up into my room in the middle of night and suffocating me with my own pillow. Wouldn't have surprised me really, she's a warrior like her mother and grandmother both were; guess it comes with the last name. Growing up in a world like this you gotta be strong I suppose, just wish she could've had the kind of childhood I did. She's only ten ya know.
"Hey," Sarah says as she sees me. "You came to check I'm still kicking and breathing?" She asks and I nod.
"Something like that, yeah." I shut the door behind me but I don't move closer to them. "Okay what's the problem York?" Reese asks me, and for a moment he sounds just like his father. I close my eyes and breathe.
"Problem? Who said there's a problem?" I open my eyes again to see them both looking at me with a meaningful look in their eyes. They exchange a knowing glance before Sarah speaks again.
"Well, for one the look on your face. You look like the judgment day had come all over again." I force myself to give a laugh as if she had just told me a joke.
"No, not really. Just wanted to make sure you're ok and that Reese is in bed - which he's not, I see." My face must say more than my words ever could 'cause he gets up, gives his sister a hug and walks up to me.
"Fine, see, I'm going," he says smiling before he gives me a quick hug. Then, in a blink of an eye he's gone.
"So, what's up?" Sarah asks and I can feel her blue eyes on me, screening through my expressions, examining.
"I'm about to do something that might end up being the most idiotic thing I've ever done," I say. She frowns and tilts her head just like her father always does. She's trying to figure out my words, I can see it in her eyes. Naturally she has no idea what I'm talking about, and I don't want her to - I don't want to explain it to her, as said, she's only 10 and my problems shouldn't become hers.
"You're going back aren't you?"
I blink.
"What did you say?"
"You're going back, aren't you?" she repeats calmly. I blink again and I feel my body tremble.
"Going back where?"
"To the past, of course. You're going to fuck with the timeline, aren't you? You know it's against our rules!"
"No." Perhaps I deny it little bit too fast, and perhaps a little bit too loudly as well, because she doesn't believe me at all. Her smile fades away completely and she stares at me, waiting for me to explain. She doesn't have to ask me to, the expression on her face is as demanding as always.
"No," I say again.
"Don't lie to me, I know you are."
"It's really none of your business, Sarah," I snap, though I know it has everything to do with her.
"Then why did you tell me you're about to do something really idiotic?" The smile on her face is a true mark of victory. I sigh. Okay, fine, she got me on that one. I have no idea.
"I dunno," I admit quietly. "I guess - I guess I wanted to see you two before…"
I don't have to complete my sentence, she does it for me. "Before you leave."
"Yeah."
"Well are you coming back?" I shake my head, if only I could explain it all to her, she'd understand. Yeah, sure, she's a child but I have this feeling she'd see my point of view better than her father ever could, and she'd forgive me. She'd be the one to hug me and wish me luck.
"No, Sarah I'm not - but I need you to do something for me, will you?"
"Depends on what it is."
"I want you to tell your father I did it because I love you and Reese - and cause I love him. You see, I know something even he doesn't know yet."
She frowns again, disbelief shines from her eyes. "No," she says shaking her head. "No - that's not possible. He's the head of this Resistance, there's nothing he doesn't know."
"No, you're wrong, I kept something from him. But I know he'll find it out eventually and when he does, he'll want to go back. I can't let him do that, so I'll go."
"So you're playing a martyr huh? Listen, we could send someone else!" I appreciate what she's trying to do but I must refuse, even though I'd be glad to let someone else go. I'm sure at least 20 of John Connor's loyal soldiers would want to do it but no; I can't change my mind anymore.
"No. I know things others don't - I know things even John doesn't know. It has to be me. I'm not doing this because I want to you know. I'm doing this because I have to. Will you tell him I said that? Will you tell him not to follow me - tell him that I'm gonna take care of it?"
"Take care of what?" she questions though she knows I can't tell.
"Sarah…" My voice is warning and it trembles a bit but she doesn't notice that.
"Fine. Sure, I'll tell him. You know he'd kick your ass if he knew about this?"
I roll my eyes and give a laugh. "Why do you think I'm leaving in the middle of night?"
---
Use QUESTIONING FATE tag to find the other chapters, thanks :)