(no subject)
ETA: Because some folks not on my flist were interested in reading, I unlocked the post so it's public now. Anyone who'd like to friend me for future chapters, feel free to. I'm a friendly gal and will friend ya back. :-)
First off, for you dear souls who don’t have a clue what this is or why, it was inspired during a conversation recently about bad QAF fanfic. Fic readers know the kind I speak of, where Justin is the “girl”, Brian or Justin pregnant by aliens or just pregnant in general, canon characters being non-canon psychotic, etc. So I give you some intentional Bad!Fic, pure satire, meant to be so horrible that it makes your eyes bleed.
Please note that this is my Bad!Fic filter where I’m keeping my crazy so if anyone wants off (and I wouldn’t blame you if you did) just say so and I’ll remove you from it.
I am not responsible for this horror. It’s existence is to be blamed on those who encouraged me to write it! Of course it’s NOT beta’ed, spelling and grammar errors are intentional, as is the melodrama and sheer stupidity of the storyline. Apologies in advance to the Michael fans on my Flist. I mean no offense, but someone’s got to be the villain and since it is Bad!Fic, that role automatically falls to Michael!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Gunslinger’s Bride”
(title courtesy of larissa_j )
Summary: AU, B&J do the Wild West in Bad!Fic style.
Bad!Fic Disclaimer: WARNING!!!! Look, everyone, I’m, like, warning you in advance, ok? This fic contains M/M stuff. If that offends you then why are you watching a show about gay men to being with?!
And what's a little Bad!Fic without some pics to go with it?
So meet our hero:
And his True Love:
And what's a story without a villain?
(Indian photo is actually Hal Sparks from his appearance on "Dr. Quinn" many years ago. Name inspired from many places, like the weird faces he makes during sex scenes as well as his own admiration for a species that throws it's own poo.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER ONE:
Somewhere out West
The 1880’s
In a stage coach
On a rode
During the day
Probably after lunch
Before dinner
Let’s say about 2:00 am
I mean, 2:00 pm
Justin Taylor nervously soothed the lace of his bodice and tugged once again at the cameo choker around his slender neck. It felt painfully tight and uncomfortable, like a noose slowly tightening with each passing second. Justin supposed that analogy was appropriate since he felt as if this stage was carrying him to his doom. It was certainly carrying him to an uncertain fate in Bad!Fic Land. It still amazed him to know that there was a town somewhere that was full of people just like him. That no one would judge him there, where he could even legally marry another man. He could have the family and children that he had always wanted. The thought didn’t make him as happy as it once had, though. But, no, he couldn’t think about that now! To dwell on his horrible situation would only make his mood gloomier!
Trying to push aside the dark cloud that hovered over his golden blonde head, Justin glanced around the stagecoach at his fellow passengers. Directly across from him sat a woman of about thirty. Her attire suggested she was a prostitute as did the heavy amount of make-up she wore on what was a pretty face. She had light blonde hair and it was pinned up on her head, a dyed red feather sticking from her locks. She seemed nice though, Justin judged as she smiled at him in a friendly manner. Beside her sat a man that gave Justin the creeps, especially how the guy openly leered at Justin’s chest, exposed by the low cut gown. He had not wanted to wear this dress, but his mother had insisted, saying it would be the coolest one for his long trip to Bad!Fic Land. And the blue fabric brought out the color of his eyes. Which were blue.
Justin sighed sadly. He missed his mother. How he wished he could see her again, but he feared he may never do that. In fact, he feared his father probably killed her in rage when the evil and abusive Craig Taylor discovered the truth. But by the time that happened, Justin hoped to be far away from Pittsburgh and married. It was the only way, his mother had insisted. Sadly, he touched the cameo chocker around his neck and recalled the moment his grandmother had given it to him shortly before her death. It was a family heirloom passed on for generations in his family. He could only hope he wore the cameo as well as she had!
Justin felt the leering eyes of the other passenger on him still and squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He wished he could loosen the corset that had him painfully bound and release his long, golden tresses from the confines of his bonnet. But he didn’t want to do anything to draw more attention to himself from the others. Nervously, he twisted the handkerchief in his hands.
“Is this your first trip out West?” the lovely blonde woman inquired.
Justing nodded, carefully avoiding her eyes. “Yes. I’m getting married.” He wasn’t sure why he had said that. Hopefully to get the other man to stop staring at him.
“Too bad,” the guy snorted. “I’m Ted Schmidt, by the way, and this is my employee, Lindsay. Who’s your fiance? We might know him.”
“E-Ethan,” Justin stammered over the name, saying it out loud for the first time since he had learned of his mother’s desperate plan to protect him. “Ethan Gold. Do you know him?”
Lindsay and Ted exchanged looks. “Why, yes, we do,” Lindsay nervously admitted. “Ethan had mentioned his intentions to bring a mail order bride to town and marry him, we’re just surprised that . . .”
“That you’re so fucking hot!” Ted supplied when the woman’s voice trailed off. “I figured you’d be dog ugly. Man, is Ethan going to be thrilled. Some guy’s have all the luck!”
“H-How do you know Mr. Gold?” Justin inquired, hoping to learn some details about his intended. He had tried not to dwell much on his impending fate, but now he needed to know. Oh, how he hoped Ethan would be a kind man and not mistreat him. He prayed this crazy plan of his mother’s would actually work.
Lindsay hesitantly started to answer but the stagecoach lunged violently, cutting her off. The three passengers looked at each other in question as the coach rolled to a rough halt. The driver hopped from his seat, cursing violently before he banged on the door and declared, “Sorry, folks, but it looks live we’ve had a blow out. You people will have to get out of the coach so I can change the tire.”
The trio obliged him, climbing from the stagecoach. Justin watched as the driver retrieved his jack from underneath the seat and then took the spare tire from the back of the coach. “This may take awhile,” Lindsay sighed, glancing around their surroundings. “And we were so close to Bad!Fic Land. I think there is a spring nearby. Walk with me to it?”
“Sure,” Justin smiled, accepting the arm she extended to him. He opened his parasol to provide them shade from the harsh sun and they walked away from the coach. Ted lingered at the coach to offer his assistance in changing the flat tire.
Justin took a deep breath of the clean, fresh air. “Do you like living in Bad!Fic Land?” he asked the woman whose arm was linked with his as they sashayed through the grass green grass towards the sounds of running water.
“I do,” the woman assured. “I work for Ted. He owns a bar and brothel called Babylon. I’m a working girl, you see.”
“I kind of guessed that,” Justin admitted with a blush. “Do you like that kind of work?”
“Sure,” Lindsay replied. “There’s alot of lonely woman in town who leave a night with me and realize they don’t have it so bad at home after all. Sex with me has saved many a marriage, I’m proud to say.”
“Tell me more about the town,” Justin requested.
“It’s a nice place. It was originally founded by a couple named Don Lipen and Ran Cowman but since then many people have contributed to the building of Bad!Fic Land. Most of the town is gay, except for our sheriff. And the woman who owns the boarding house. And all the men that Emmett date. Alot of times straight men wander through town but they’re usually evil and are quickly taken care of by our very own Brian Kinney.”
“Brian Kinney,” Justin repeated, a shiver running through his spine at the name. “Is he your sheriff?”
“Oh, no,” she laughed, looking breathless and flushed at the mention of this mysterious man. “Brian answers to no one but himself. He makes his own rules. He doesn’t give a damn about anyone or anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets, no bullshit. That’s our Brian. He just takes care of all the town’s problems. I don’t know where we would be without him.”
Justin’s brow furrowed in confusion as he asked, “But if he really didn’t give a damn then why would he take care of the town?”
“Shut up, dear, and don’t point out the holes in the plot or Brian’s motto so soon.”
Lindsay stopped talking as they reached the tiny stream. She knelt and scooped up a handful of water and splashed it on her painted face, causing her makeup to run. Justin knew how lucky he was not to need it himself. His skin was a perfect pale porcelain. His lips naturally red and dark eye lashes enhancing his beautiful baby blues. Suddenly, gunfire filled the air and Justin gasped in fear, whirling and realizing it was coming from the direction of the stage coach. Could it be . . . ? Could Justin’s worst fear have caught up with him?
Justin gasped in shock as a painted horse suddenly burst through the trees, an Indian with a gun in hand on the animal’s back. The savage raced in their direction and a terrified Justin backed away as the man steered his horse towards Lindsay. Lindsay screamed in fear as she realized the wild man was intending to kill her. Justin summands all of his courage and wrestled the pearl-handled derringer from his drawstring purse, aiming it at the renegade and pulling the trigger. The bullet whizzed past the man’s long black hair and he turned in Justin’s direction, his intended victim of Lindsay forgotten for the moment. Seizing the opportunity, Lindsay made a run for it while the renegade slide from his horse, his angry glare fixed on Justin.
Justin shuddered as he saw hate and lust in the man’s dark eyes as they bore into him. The savage drew a knife from his belt and raced towards Justin. Justin tried to run but the heavy skirt weighed him down and he tripped, falling face down into the dirt. The man was on his back that quickly, the blade of the knife pressed against the pale skin of Justin’s slender throat. Justin was only dimly aware of the sounds of another horse racing towards them and a man yelling in English. The renegade cursed and vowed, “I’ll be back for you.”
Justin whimpered when the blade of the knife sliced through the chocker on his neck. “Something to remember you by,” the savage hissed before he was suddenly gone, back atop his horse and racing off. Justin couldn’t stop the sobs that welled up in his throat as he touched the spot where his grandmother’s cameo had once rested. It was the only thing he had to remember her by and now it was gone. He never heard the sounds of a horse halting near him or that of booted feet with jingling spurs stomping in his direction. Suddenly, a strong arm snaked around his slender waist and he was abruptly lifted from the ground.
“Hey,” a rich, sultry voice stated.
Justin raised his eyes to meet the stunning, hazel ones of his savior. He gasped in shock at the beautiful face of Brian Kinney and then fainted in the man’s strong arms.
First off, for you dear souls who don’t have a clue what this is or why, it was inspired during a conversation recently about bad QAF fanfic. Fic readers know the kind I speak of, where Justin is the “girl”, Brian or Justin pregnant by aliens or just pregnant in general, canon characters being non-canon psychotic, etc. So I give you some intentional Bad!Fic, pure satire, meant to be so horrible that it makes your eyes bleed.
Please note that this is my Bad!Fic filter where I’m keeping my crazy so if anyone wants off (and I wouldn’t blame you if you did) just say so and I’ll remove you from it.
I am not responsible for this horror. It’s existence is to be blamed on those who encouraged me to write it! Of course it’s NOT beta’ed, spelling and grammar errors are intentional, as is the melodrama and sheer stupidity of the storyline. Apologies in advance to the Michael fans on my Flist. I mean no offense, but someone’s got to be the villain and since it is Bad!Fic, that role automatically falls to Michael!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Gunslinger’s Bride”
(title courtesy of larissa_j )
Summary: AU, B&J do the Wild West in Bad!Fic style.
Bad!Fic Disclaimer: WARNING!!!! Look, everyone, I’m, like, warning you in advance, ok? This fic contains M/M stuff. If that offends you then why are you watching a show about gay men to being with?!
And what's a little Bad!Fic without some pics to go with it?
So meet our hero:
And his True Love:
And what's a story without a villain?
(Indian photo is actually Hal Sparks from his appearance on "Dr. Quinn" many years ago. Name inspired from many places, like the weird faces he makes during sex scenes as well as his own admiration for a species that throws it's own poo.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER ONE:
Somewhere out West
The 1880’s
In a stage coach
On a rode
During the day
Probably after lunch
Before dinner
Let’s say about 2:00 am
I mean, 2:00 pm
Justin Taylor nervously soothed the lace of his bodice and tugged once again at the cameo choker around his slender neck. It felt painfully tight and uncomfortable, like a noose slowly tightening with each passing second. Justin supposed that analogy was appropriate since he felt as if this stage was carrying him to his doom. It was certainly carrying him to an uncertain fate in Bad!Fic Land. It still amazed him to know that there was a town somewhere that was full of people just like him. That no one would judge him there, where he could even legally marry another man. He could have the family and children that he had always wanted. The thought didn’t make him as happy as it once had, though. But, no, he couldn’t think about that now! To dwell on his horrible situation would only make his mood gloomier!
Trying to push aside the dark cloud that hovered over his golden blonde head, Justin glanced around the stagecoach at his fellow passengers. Directly across from him sat a woman of about thirty. Her attire suggested she was a prostitute as did the heavy amount of make-up she wore on what was a pretty face. She had light blonde hair and it was pinned up on her head, a dyed red feather sticking from her locks. She seemed nice though, Justin judged as she smiled at him in a friendly manner. Beside her sat a man that gave Justin the creeps, especially how the guy openly leered at Justin’s chest, exposed by the low cut gown. He had not wanted to wear this dress, but his mother had insisted, saying it would be the coolest one for his long trip to Bad!Fic Land. And the blue fabric brought out the color of his eyes. Which were blue.
Justin sighed sadly. He missed his mother. How he wished he could see her again, but he feared he may never do that. In fact, he feared his father probably killed her in rage when the evil and abusive Craig Taylor discovered the truth. But by the time that happened, Justin hoped to be far away from Pittsburgh and married. It was the only way, his mother had insisted. Sadly, he touched the cameo chocker around his neck and recalled the moment his grandmother had given it to him shortly before her death. It was a family heirloom passed on for generations in his family. He could only hope he wore the cameo as well as she had!
Justin felt the leering eyes of the other passenger on him still and squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. He wished he could loosen the corset that had him painfully bound and release his long, golden tresses from the confines of his bonnet. But he didn’t want to do anything to draw more attention to himself from the others. Nervously, he twisted the handkerchief in his hands.
“Is this your first trip out West?” the lovely blonde woman inquired.
Justing nodded, carefully avoiding her eyes. “Yes. I’m getting married.” He wasn’t sure why he had said that. Hopefully to get the other man to stop staring at him.
“Too bad,” the guy snorted. “I’m Ted Schmidt, by the way, and this is my employee, Lindsay. Who’s your fiance? We might know him.”
“E-Ethan,” Justin stammered over the name, saying it out loud for the first time since he had learned of his mother’s desperate plan to protect him. “Ethan Gold. Do you know him?”
Lindsay and Ted exchanged looks. “Why, yes, we do,” Lindsay nervously admitted. “Ethan had mentioned his intentions to bring a mail order bride to town and marry him, we’re just surprised that . . .”
“That you’re so fucking hot!” Ted supplied when the woman’s voice trailed off. “I figured you’d be dog ugly. Man, is Ethan going to be thrilled. Some guy’s have all the luck!”
“H-How do you know Mr. Gold?” Justin inquired, hoping to learn some details about his intended. He had tried not to dwell much on his impending fate, but now he needed to know. Oh, how he hoped Ethan would be a kind man and not mistreat him. He prayed this crazy plan of his mother’s would actually work.
Lindsay hesitantly started to answer but the stagecoach lunged violently, cutting her off. The three passengers looked at each other in question as the coach rolled to a rough halt. The driver hopped from his seat, cursing violently before he banged on the door and declared, “Sorry, folks, but it looks live we’ve had a blow out. You people will have to get out of the coach so I can change the tire.”
The trio obliged him, climbing from the stagecoach. Justin watched as the driver retrieved his jack from underneath the seat and then took the spare tire from the back of the coach. “This may take awhile,” Lindsay sighed, glancing around their surroundings. “And we were so close to Bad!Fic Land. I think there is a spring nearby. Walk with me to it?”
“Sure,” Justin smiled, accepting the arm she extended to him. He opened his parasol to provide them shade from the harsh sun and they walked away from the coach. Ted lingered at the coach to offer his assistance in changing the flat tire.
Justin took a deep breath of the clean, fresh air. “Do you like living in Bad!Fic Land?” he asked the woman whose arm was linked with his as they sashayed through the grass green grass towards the sounds of running water.
“I do,” the woman assured. “I work for Ted. He owns a bar and brothel called Babylon. I’m a working girl, you see.”
“I kind of guessed that,” Justin admitted with a blush. “Do you like that kind of work?”
“Sure,” Lindsay replied. “There’s alot of lonely woman in town who leave a night with me and realize they don’t have it so bad at home after all. Sex with me has saved many a marriage, I’m proud to say.”
“Tell me more about the town,” Justin requested.
“It’s a nice place. It was originally founded by a couple named Don Lipen and Ran Cowman but since then many people have contributed to the building of Bad!Fic Land. Most of the town is gay, except for our sheriff. And the woman who owns the boarding house. And all the men that Emmett date. Alot of times straight men wander through town but they’re usually evil and are quickly taken care of by our very own Brian Kinney.”
“Brian Kinney,” Justin repeated, a shiver running through his spine at the name. “Is he your sheriff?”
“Oh, no,” she laughed, looking breathless and flushed at the mention of this mysterious man. “Brian answers to no one but himself. He makes his own rules. He doesn’t give a damn about anyone or anything. No excuses, no apologies, no regrets, no bullshit. That’s our Brian. He just takes care of all the town’s problems. I don’t know where we would be without him.”
Justin’s brow furrowed in confusion as he asked, “But if he really didn’t give a damn then why would he take care of the town?”
“Shut up, dear, and don’t point out the holes in the plot or Brian’s motto so soon.”
Lindsay stopped talking as they reached the tiny stream. She knelt and scooped up a handful of water and splashed it on her painted face, causing her makeup to run. Justin knew how lucky he was not to need it himself. His skin was a perfect pale porcelain. His lips naturally red and dark eye lashes enhancing his beautiful baby blues. Suddenly, gunfire filled the air and Justin gasped in fear, whirling and realizing it was coming from the direction of the stage coach. Could it be . . . ? Could Justin’s worst fear have caught up with him?
Justin gasped in shock as a painted horse suddenly burst through the trees, an Indian with a gun in hand on the animal’s back. The savage raced in their direction and a terrified Justin backed away as the man steered his horse towards Lindsay. Lindsay screamed in fear as she realized the wild man was intending to kill her. Justin summands all of his courage and wrestled the pearl-handled derringer from his drawstring purse, aiming it at the renegade and pulling the trigger. The bullet whizzed past the man’s long black hair and he turned in Justin’s direction, his intended victim of Lindsay forgotten for the moment. Seizing the opportunity, Lindsay made a run for it while the renegade slide from his horse, his angry glare fixed on Justin.
Justin shuddered as he saw hate and lust in the man’s dark eyes as they bore into him. The savage drew a knife from his belt and raced towards Justin. Justin tried to run but the heavy skirt weighed him down and he tripped, falling face down into the dirt. The man was on his back that quickly, the blade of the knife pressed against the pale skin of Justin’s slender throat. Justin was only dimly aware of the sounds of another horse racing towards them and a man yelling in English. The renegade cursed and vowed, “I’ll be back for you.”
Justin whimpered when the blade of the knife sliced through the chocker on his neck. “Something to remember you by,” the savage hissed before he was suddenly gone, back atop his horse and racing off. Justin couldn’t stop the sobs that welled up in his throat as he touched the spot where his grandmother’s cameo had once rested. It was the only thing he had to remember her by and now it was gone. He never heard the sounds of a horse halting near him or that of booted feet with jingling spurs stomping in his direction. Suddenly, a strong arm snaked around his slender waist and he was abruptly lifted from the ground.
“Hey,” a rich, sultry voice stated.
Justin raised his eyes to meet the stunning, hazel ones of his savior. He gasped in shock at the beautiful face of Brian Kinney and then fainted in the man’s strong arms.