Elements of Empathy

[chaoticidealism]

I think Simon Baron-Cohen's "cognitive/affective" empathy model is wrong and leaves out important parts of the perspective of an autistic person trying to observe an NT's experience of the world.

In reality, there are not two, but four elements to empathy.

Comments

[anonymous]

Good post. Common ideas of empathy annoy me because they're so obviously deficient. Then I realise that nonautistics lack insight into the components of empathy. They don't know they lack the insight and babble on regardless. Whole business is very frustrating. I loved Baron-Cohen's comment that autistics lack self-awareness so when we claim to be empathetic we're kidding ourselves. Nice little racket he's got there, controlling all the definitions.

[fishlivejournal]

"Reception of emotional information does not have to do with compassion, but with communication; it is, in fact, only peripherally related to empathy. "

Sadly, human cruelty and sadism show the truth of your words. :(

A Yes and a Huh?

[anonymous]

I love your last sentence. And I think your comment about a failure of communication not being a failure of empathy is very apt.

The Huh? is: in the third point, are you saying that we mirror emotions less, but they have greater force whenever they do happen to be mirrored ... so we make up in intensity of emotional mirroring what we lack in frequency of emotional mirroring? Have I got it, or are you saying something else?

Re: A Yes and a Huh?

[anonymous]

PS - your last point reminds me of a story by Tony Attwood. He saw an Aspie husband sitting motionless next to his crying wife. When Tony ask him why he was not comforting her - didn't he care - the man replied that he did care, but he was really afraid of doing the wrong thing and making her feel worse.

A lack of confidence or social skills is not a lack of care. (And many times I have felt like a block of wood in situations where I did care, I just didn't know what to do.)

Re: A Yes and a Huh?

[answermam]

I, too, often feel like a block of wood. I tend to fall back on Maslow's Hierarchy of Need's so that I try to ensure someone's physical comfort or safety are handled first. And Then I ASK if there is anything further I can do to help.

Most of my friends and co-workers know that I don't necessarily perceive the information that is obvious to them. The fact that I am doing my best to be of appropriate assistance seems to work well.

Re: A Yes and a Huh?

[chaoticidealism]

Yes, that's pretty much correct. If you are used to knowing others are hurting, you'll be able to react more quickly; but if you don't know a lot of the time, then it'll affect you more when you do know. What you do with the information has nothing to do with autism, though, and everything to do with your own values, relationships, and personality. :)

My best solution to the problem of not knowing and being clumsy at communicating it is to ask in words. Many people are comforted merely by the knowledge that you care about how they feel, so often times it doesn't take very socially sophisticated responses. Heck, you can even say straight out that you wish you could make them feel better and you have no idea how. Maybe it really IS the thought that counts (though that still doesn't excuse socks for Christmas).

[ehrenyu]

Yeah, I learned pretty quickly when something happens that really cuts to the bone with NTs, their emotion senses are hyper-aware and my usual clumsy attempts at condolences or empathy are taken as an insult. Pretty much don't try to. I stay out of the 'comfort circle' because I don't emote 'sincerity' no matter how sincerely I want to help and make them feel better. I find words fall flat so much easier than nonverbal 'caring' actions.

Also, it reminds me of the expression "A frog in the well doesn't know the ocean", which means you can only truly know and understand that which you experience. NTs don't understand the world of autistics/Aspies since they have never experienced a world without an automatic receptive/reactive communication feedback loop.

compassion

[anonymous]

Excellent post. Oddly, one of the kindest, most compassionate people I knew as a young adult almost certainly had autism