[entry 8] In Retrospect [1/4]
Title: In Retrospect
Author: anonymous until reveals
pairing/s: Baekhyun/ Chanyeol
Genre: Fluff, slight angst
Length: 19, 604
The sound of fast and steady footsteps resounds in the empty hallways as Baekhyun walks straight to his classroom, not lifting his eyes to avoid people who know him. As he enters the main halls where all students go into, he plugs in his earphones and plays the playlist he always listens to before hugging his books tighter. He isn't an introvert; it's just that he prefers not talking to people when it's not necessary because he is always at a loss of words. No matter how hard he tries, he will end up stuck in dead air, unable to talk more, making the conversation end in an awkward situation. Besides, he couldn't recognize the people around him anyway. Not that he lost his memory, no. Blurred outlines have been Baekhyun's constant companion. Wearing spectacles serves more of an annoyance than a help to him. Even after half a year of having one, isn't used to wearing them. Contact lenses on the other hand are considered as a chore. He tried to use them for a whole week. But it didn’t work out for him. Putting them on takes ages and wastes his precious time. It always bothers him. Comments of being snobbish and unfriendly are being thrown at him but he can't help it. A guessing game of "who is approaching" was something Baekhyun tried to face but he can't stand it. Baekhyun learned that it's far better to let people see that he isn't looking at their direction. Soon enough, acquaintances believed that he just doesn't have the time.
His eyes are downcast as he enters his first period room. There were only a few students as he takes his seat at the front rows, hands automatically reaching inside his bag pack to pull out his book. In his life as a college student, he had learned a lot of ways to avoid talking to people. One, put on your earphones. Two, read a book. Keep on reading and let it be shown that you are concentrating so that people won’t even bother talking to you. It works almost all of the time. ALMOST. Some people are just too dense to get what people are trying to make them see or are just so thick skinned to actually ignore that a person is basically implying for them to fuck off.
His seatmate for this class happens to be one of them.
Baekhyun, already too used to it, doesn’t even flinch or take a glance of his seatmate who makes a loud noise as he slump down on his seat, letting his arrival be known by the rest of his classmates. Baekhyun shifts to turn away. He doesn’t have anything against the latter. It’s just that he really just doesn’t want to interact with him, especially because he doesn’t need to.
Zhitao is one of the loudest people Baekhyun has met. He is a very competitive person and he particularly likes the spotlight. When he speaks, he makes sure his voice is loud enough for everyone within his vicinity to hear him. He speaks whatever is in his mind even when he knows people could possible get hurt by what he says. Baekhyun made the wrong decision of taking the seat beside the man oozing with confidence because he has become Zhitao’s favorite person to nag to. He would always immediately turn to Baekhyun to say whatever he wants to say that he knows Baekhyun isn’t even the least interested in. He made it obvious from the very beginning that he doesn’t like it when people keep talking to him but the latter still continues to do so. It was bearable at first but soon it made Baekhyun want to rip his mouth off. He doesn’t like the way Zhitao talked with full confidence like he knows everything. His topic ranges from his personal
life, to his social life, to the entertainment industry-everything that completely does not relate to Baekhyun. But what Baekhyun hates the most is when Zhitao tries to talk about his notsosecret crush.
Baekhyun turns up the volume of his iPod, just enough for his seatmate to hear for him to know that he isn’t interested to hear whatever he has to say.
He waited to completely ignore that usual poke he receives when Zhitao wants to start a conversation but it doesn’t happen. It made Baekhyun curios what miraculous thing happened for his roommate to decide not to annoy him again so he side glances his roommate and oh, a new phone.
Zhitao also likes to… display his luxurious belongings.
Baekhyun is aware Zhitao isn’t a member of a rich family so he doesn’t really judge Zhitao when he shows how proud he is of the luxurious things he can afford. Who knows how hard he worked just to have it. He turns away again, feeling relieved that there’s something to keep his seatmate from irritating him.
**
“Did you hear what happened?”
Baekhyun internally groans when Zhitao speaks, not really taking his eyes off the screen of his new phone with a pink sparkling case. He would ignore Zhitao and act like he didn’t hear them but they have their professor in front of him, writing their lesson on the whiteboard, and obviously, there is no way he won’t hear his seatmate.
“Hear what?” He doesn’t stop writing down notes.
“Yeol. I heard he’s in the hospital.”
Baekhyun’s hand stops for a split of second, his eyes faltering in the process, before he continues writing again.
“You didn’t know huh..”
Baekhyun almost scoffs at the tone in Zhitao’s voice.
He and Chanyeol had been friends for three years since their first year in college. and because of that and their closeness, people sometimes tend to tease them together-Something Baekhyun can’t find the logic of. Another thing without logic is his seatmate thinking that there really is something going on between him and Chanyeol.
Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol.
Baekhyun doesn’t like lying about his opinion about people so if they look good then he would admit it. Park Chanyeol is one of those people he would admit looks good. That’s why it doesn’t surprise him when Zhitao suddenly makes it too obvious to everyone that he likes Chanyeol. Baekhyun has nothing against this. But what amuses him is how Zhitao thinks that he is trying to steal Chanyeol from the latter when all they do most of the time they meet is argue and bicker. There is nothing sweet or romantic between them so where do they get these assumptions? He finds it funny how Zhitao thinks they’re both competing for Chanyeol’s heart.
Baekhyun doesn’t compete for something he doesn’t want.
Unconsciously, Baekhyun’s hand finds its way to his coat’s pocket, immediately fishing out his phone to open his messaging.
“Are you going to text him?”
“What?” He looks up at Zhitao who’s staring at his phone screen with a teasing smirk.
Baekhyun looks down at his hand holding his phone. He contemplates for a short while before excusing himself and leaving the room.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Chanyeol?
[delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Yurr’a, I heard you’re in the hospital? What happened? Are you okay? [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Ya Park Chanyeol you still haven’t lend me your external drive. I need new movies. [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+ hey I heard you’re in the hospital? |
*
Baekhyun stares at the blinking cursor.
What are you supposed to say to a long friend whom you haven’t seen for weeks and didn’t try to contact at all?
Baekhyun would have used the usual sassy way of texting him but then this is his friend and he is sick. He has never really been the caring friend to Chanyeol so maybe he should change that a little since there’s only a year left before they graduate college and venture out. They probably won’t see each other ever again. A little sympathy should do for his sick friend.
He clicks ‘send’.
*
Baekhyun places his phone on the counter table and leans on the marble wall as he stares at his phone. Five minutes. It’s been five minutes and he hadn’t replied.
He’s not ignoring my text, is he?
Impossible.
Chanyeol would never ignore his texts. In fact, Chanyeol would always be the one texting him. Telling him stuff he doesn’t want to know, receiving texts until 2am even when he doesn’t reply, get asked things that totally doesn’t makes sense and overall getting annoyed at his friend.
But it’s stopped being as often as it did last semester.
Last semester they were classmates in every subject and even if they aren’t supposed to be seatmates, Chanyeol would always transfer to a seat beside Baekhyun just to annoy and talk to him about things he doesn’t even like talking about. He doesn’t know where he got the patience to listen to the man endlessly telling him (or sometimes whispering to him when the teacher is lecturing) things that he, for one, isn’t even interested about. Maybe he’s just too kind and because-they are friends.
Baekhyun places both his arm on the counter, leaning forward as he stares at his reflection. His eye bags have grown worse, he hadn’t been taking care of his skin, and worse, he gained some weight that he knows would definitely be difficult to get rid of. And this would definitely give Chanyeol the satisfaction of calling him what he always does-Bacon.
It was just a play of words, his name ‘Baekhyun’ being turned into a food taken from a hog’s skin-‘Bacon’. Now ‘Baekon’, as what Chanyeol calls him. Chanyeol was the first to have the courage to call him something as rude as that. He should be angry, he should. But sometimes he finds himself laughing and calling the latter ‘ugly’ in retaliation. But he knows Chanyeol doesn’t get affected. Chanyeol knows he isn’t ugly.
Damn, he knows it well.
But they aren’t classmates now and they haven’t been seeing each other because of the differences in their class schedules. Baeknyun is therefore saved from the friend who calls him rude names.
It only took two blinks for the green LED indicating a text has arrived and Baekhyun already has his phone on his hand.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
Yea. Pneum0nia
*
Baekhyun stares, unblinking, at the screen of his phone. He was expecting Chanyeol to complain about having fever or something small because he likes complaining about everything that isn’t an advantage to him.
Pneumonia? Chanyeol acquired Pneumonia?
Baekhyun had pneumonia before and his life was nowhere near endangered. At least that’s what he believes, being the one ill. So it should be the same with Chanyeol but somehow, he is still is worried. This is a friend of three years and it is normal to be worried.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Are you feeling alright? How many days have you been there? [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Is there anyone taking care of you right now? Do you want me to come over? Have you sent an excuse letter to the school?
*
He stares at the text again. Chanyeol lives alone, just like him, and he knows that the latter hates making a fuss about stuff especially when it’s about taking care of his health. So if no one does, he would only lie down on his bed without caring to take his medicines. It isn’t just one time he had to bring medicine with him at school just in case his lazy friend neglects his sickness again. It’s far better to have it ready than running to the first floor for the clinic and ask for medicine.
He starts deleting again.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh okay. Dude, Is there anyone accompanying you?
[sent ]
He cares about Chanyeol. But he really doesn’t need to say it, right? What should count is his actions. Besides it’s stuffing to say something awkward to Chanyeol. He always ends up getting teased and he dislikes it.
*
He contemplates going back to his room, in case their class starts again but then the LED starts blinking again.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
my mom
*
Baekhyun lets out a relieved sigh. At least his mom is there to take care of him. He wouldn’t be that worried of his friend being sick and staying in the hospital alone.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh. Good.. how are you feeling right now? When will you be discharged? Are you eating well?
[delete ]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh..
Eat lots of food, okay? You looked so thin the last time I saw you. Hey now that I think of it, we haven’t seen each other for so long! Are you going to be discharged anytime soon? Can I visit you? Which hospital are you confined at?
[ delete ]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Take care of yourself, okay? And eat a lot. I’ll come visit, okay? I kind of miss hanging out with you. |
*
He stares for a second, the cursor blinks as he whispers the words.
“I miss you”
Too much. He’s showing too much.
He starts deleting again.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh okay. Dude, make sure you come back not looking like a matchstick. At least don’t be lazy eating food, you lazy bum.
lol
[sent ]
*
Baekhyun hates how he has to try to be uncaring when it comes to Chanyeol. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. It’s just that ever since they became a lot closer, people started to tease them together. Both of them try to ignore it but Baekhyun couldn’t help hating the feeling of awkwardness around Chanyeol. Because awkward doesn’t exist in his description of Chanyeol.
He likes being around Chanyeol. Chanyeol makes him feel like he can be just who he is; like he doesn’t need to pretend. He can curse all he want, and not be nice at all and it would be completely fine with Chanyeol. The tall man has never judged him-at least not about his looks and his taste in fashion. Chanyeol is a person who regards how he looks to be very important. Well it doesn’t matter to Baekhyun because the latter looks good in anything he wears anyway. He ignores how the latter continues to judge his fashion sense. But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to look good for anyone anyway. Even in front of his tall, fashionable, and handsome friend. He could care less.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
k
*
Baekhyun gapes at his phone as he stares at the oneletter text he received from his friend who he was actually worrying about.
“Bitch just ked me.”
His finger moves fast as he types back a reply with a smirk.
Obviously, his giant friend is perfectly doing fine. Seeing as he still has the audacity to be his annoyingself when it comes to him. Until now, he still is Chanyeol’s favorite person to annoy.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
You better get well soon, you idiot. I still haven’t received my gift for my last birthday.
**
Five minutes have passed but his phone has not blinked even once.
It’s only after another five minutes when a group of students enters the restroom that Baekhyun goes back to his classroom. He ignores the hard stare Zhitao is sending towards him when he takes a seat.
“Did you text him?” Zhitao asks, side glancing him while still scrolling down his new phone while his other hand holds the notebook that he is using for cover.
“Who?” He goes back to writing down notes.
He hears a low chuckle from his seatmate before he speaks again.
“Oh you know who..”
And Baekhyun did not have to deny it. He and Chanyeol are friends. They are just friends. Why the heck would he need to hide the fact that he feels even a bit concerned about his own friend?
“Yeah.”
“How is he doing?”
“He’s fine. He’s with his mom.”
“Did he tell you where-“
Getting irritated at his seat mate’s unlimited questions, Baekhyun stops writing and looks at Zhitao.
“You know what, why don’t you text him and ask him yourself? I’m sure you have his number.”
His seatmate shrugs.
“He doesn’t answer my calls and texts.”
‘Maybe because you nag him a lot’ is what Baekhyun wanted to say but chose not to. He knows how much of a warfreak his seatmate can be when his ego is hurt.
Zhitao places his phone down on his notebook before completely facing him.
“Do you text often?”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Zhitao is making it obvious that he is jealous about something he shouldn’t be.
“No,” he pauses as he picks up his mechanical pencil. “Only when we need each other.”
It was too late when Baekhyun realized what he just said.
Only when we need each other.
“I mean-“
“You don’t need to explain.” Zhitao dismisses him as he diverts his attention back to his new phone and he starts playing Flappy Bird.
Yeah, Baekhyun thought.
Why does he need to explain himself? He and Chanyeol really only have SMS conversations when they need to. Or more like he would only reply to Chanyeol’s messages when it concerns something related to school. Other than that, the latter’s messages are completely left unreplied although Baekhyun reads them all and.. does not delete them. It does make him feel guilty how he only contacts Chanyeol when he needs him but then that’s the only way people would stop thinking there is something more between them.
Baekhyun gets back to attentively listening to their professor, pushing back the thoughts of Chanyeol.
He didn’t get to ask Chanyeol where he could visit him.
That night he decided not to pay Chanyeol a visit, convincing himself that he’s perfectly fine since there is someone to take care of him.
His presence wouldn’t be needed anyway.
***
The weather in Seoul has not improved for the past few days. It’s the coldest season of the year and the snow is falling heavier each day. The coldness is different. He is inside the warmth of his house but he still feels cold. It’s like... The coldness is coming from within him and shatters his very being.
Baekhyun shivers as he rubs his hands on the cotton fabric of his sweater by his arm.
He waits patiently as he watches his mug get filled at the brim with hot chocolate. He doesn’t like drinking coffee, it makes him jittery. He doesn’t like teas as well. It’s too bitter for his taste. Chocolate is just...
perfect. He likes the sweetness it leaves on his tongue and what more perfect way to spend a cold day but snuggling cozily with a delicious hot chocolate on your hand?
He was thinking of the weather and why he should be thankful because classes are suspended. But something feels...amiss. Something is bothering him. Something is making him feel him uncomfortable down at the pit of his stomach.
He blames it on the weather.
This distracts him from his task at hand. In fast, resolved motions, he turns off the hot chocolate machine before he ends up spilling it as the mug is already filled to the brim. With careful steady hands, he places the tip of the mug to his lips and slowly sips the hot liquid without realizing that it would burn his tongue. It was too late when he does as he ends up yelping in pain and placing the mug on the counter.
Damn it.
What’s wrong with him? Why is he so absent minded today?
The first month of the year is soon ending but the coldness of the winter doesn't subside. The coldness of the falling snow seeps into his sweater but he doesn’t budge as he continues to stare at a distant place. The snow is blowing in his room through the window where he is perched at but he was too preoccupied with his thoughts to notice. Baekhyun always likes it when it snows. He likes playing with the snow, watching the white fluffy condensations falling onto the ground in silence. But today he feels particularly nostalgic and he couldn’t explain the uneasiness he is feeling deep inside. His chest is tightening and somehow, it feels like something bad is going to happen. Or has happened. He feels sad, so sad that he had to clench his chest as tears start to flow down his cheeks.
But what could it be? What could he be sad about?
Baekhyun doesn’t know, yet the tears flowing down his cheeks never seem to want to stop. So he closes his eyes, inhales the cold breeze, and tries to collect himself.
The doorbell ringing pulls him out of his reverie and he turns his head towards the sound as if he can see through the wall and to his front door.
He wonders who could be visiting him at this moment when there’s a blizzard beginning to start outside. In a slow pace, while still contemplating who it could be, he makes his way outside his room and towards the main door of his apartment.
**
“Kai..”, he speaks softly as he looks up at the man wrapped in a thick black coat.
He doesn’t expect Kai, of all people, to be visiting him in weather like this. Whatever it is, it must have been urgent and important. Kai does not really talk to him a lot ever since they got in different sections in class.
Kai only talks to him nowadays when he needs him. This day must be one of those days.
But there’s one thing different between those days he would usually ask for favor and this day. Kai’s face looks crestfallen. The usual cheeky and a bit shy smile he sports when he’s asking for a favor isn’t present as well. Instead, he sees a very tired looking young man with darkening circles and bloodshot eyes. Kai is known for being one of those students who are addicted to computer games. It got even worse now that there’s no Kyungsoo to nag him to study and quit playing video games.
The man continued being silent so Baekhyun decides to speak again.
“How may I help you?”
Kai doesn’t speak again. Instead, he visibly shivers and that’s when Baekhyun realizes he is being rude for not inviting an old friend inside the warmth of his home.
“Oh I’m sorry. Please come in. It’s cold outside, let’s talk inside. I’ll make you a coffee.”
He steps aside, opening the door wider for his old friend to step in. His brows creased when Kai slowly lifts a foot, as if hesitating, and plants it back down on the door rug.
“No, actually. I’m in a hurry.”
“Oh”, was all Baekhyun could say.
“I came here to give you this.”
Kai stretches his hands towards Baekhyun with something wrapped in red cloth in hand. Baekhyun slowly takes what is being handed to him and was surprised when the other immediately lets go of it as if it contains a disease and he couldn’t wait to pass it to someone else. Baekhyun didn’t even have the time to check what it is that is wrapped in the red cloth that Kai handed to him when the latter speaks in a hurried manner before walking away, almost running.
“I’m sorry. Bye.”
Baekhyun was left puzzled. He thinks Kai was being weird but then Kai has always been weird especially since he is friends with a weirder person. But this.... this is an unusual kind of weirdweird.
Baekhyun watches from a far as Kai disappears from his sight. And after a few seconds of still staring at the direction Kai disappeared to , Baekhyun steps back and closes the door.
He doesn’t realize he is freezing until he has closed the door and stepped inside his living room, then sitting on his cotton cushioned sofa.
He stares at the red notebook. It looks familiar. Is it a notebook he owned that Kai forgot to return? He runs the palm of his hand on the surface of the notebook. It has a rough texture as if the cover is made slightly of sandpaper. But of course it isn’t because that would be stupid, Baekhyun thought. Still puzzled, he flips the notebook open and there, written in bold cursive, are the words that make him laugh.
“My College Life Memoir”, Baekhyun reads aloud as if he has an audience. He snorts right after that and breaks into a goofy smile.
This is the notebook that first year students in their university receive on their school orientation before they start the classes. It’s the idea of the guidance counselor’s office. They said it would help the students express themselves more-especially if they feel left out and new in their college life. It was three years ago when Baekhyun received his own red notebook. He never really tried to write anything on it because he doesn’t think there were events in his first year University life that was worth remembering and writing down on his ‘red notebook’. He already forgot about its existence and only now, when Kai presented it to him, does he remembers about it. He doesn’t understand how Kai got his red notebook but he doesn’t question that. It was useless to him from the very beginning anyway.
He flips it again to the next page. There wasn’t any name written on it. No identification for him to know who really owns the notebook. But the handwriting-the very familiar handwriting and that one word written on it makes Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat and he knew right there and then that the red notebook isn’t his.
Baekhyun stares at the words written on the page for about a minute-or maybe even more than that. He then breaks into a hearty laugh, eyes forming into little crescents and cheeks turning into a tint of pink.
It’s been so long since the last time he saw this handwriting.
“Does he really have to write like this..”, he says again as he traces his hand over the swollen paper because of the pressure applied by the person who owns the notebook. The word ‘bacon’ was written on the paper on capital letters.
Chanyeol likes writing in capital letters because he believes his penmanship looks ugly in small letters. No matter how many times Baekhyun tries to convince him how much he thinks his penmanship in small letters looks just fine, the latter still confuses to write as normal as everyone does.
Chanyeol likes being different.
He wonders why Kai handed him the notebook owned by his best friend. Maybe Kai wanted him to hand it to Chanyeol? But Kai sees Chanyeol more often than he does now.
Baekhyun dismisses the thought as he reaches out for his phone on the coffee table to text Chanyeol about the notebook. That’s when something falls off the leather notebook he is holding. Momentarily forgetting about his phone, Baekhyun bends down to pick up the piece of cutout paper. Holding the white glossy paper that was obviously cut from a magazine, he wonders again why his giant friend would have a magazine paper cut into a shape of a bacon. He flips the paper to the other side and that’s when he sees it. A photo of him glued to a photo of bacon that he obviously cut from magazine with a caption ‘The most perfect Bacon to annoy”.
He laughs. He laughs because he always gets annoyed by this when the giant friend of his teases him and because the memories of them teasing each other are beautiful memories that will always keep him laughing.
He flips the notebook open in its middle part to place back the piece of paper and was about to close it when he notices something. His name was written on the notebook in bold and capital letters, as if the one who wrote it kept on writing the name again and again.
Curiosity kills the cat and before he knows it, his hands have already reached for the notebook and he starts reading Maybe he shouldn’t have.
He really shouldn’t have.
Because the words he saw and everything that was written on the notebook makes him clutch his chest in pain, in guilt. Tears sprawl down his eyes as he flips one page to another, hands continuously wiping the tears away and trying hard to still keep on reading against his blurred vision.
At the end of the day, he has made a decision.
“Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll tell him.”
He hugs the notebook tightly to his chest as if his life depended on it, eyes close tight and dried tears still lined his cheeks.
Baekhyun doesn’t have to repeat to himself that he cares for his giant friend, misses him, and wants to be there all the time. But Baekhyun looks at life in a practical way. He knows what he wants and what he needs. Or rather, what life would make him want and need in the future; what everyone expects from him. Getting too much involved with someone won’t help him in achieving the future everyone expects him to have. He cares for Chanyeol, but caring for him will have to wait. He has his priorities and as much as he loathes it, right now, Chanyeol isn’t one of them.
His heart tells him not to waste his time and look for the man he’s been worried about. But his mind tells him that no, Chanyeol isn’t going away. Checking up on him can be postponed for next time. These tests will cost him a lot of points. so he needs to get as high mark as he can. It took him a lot of selfcontrol to stop himself from sprinting out to look for Chanyeol but he is able to. He promised himself that when he’s done with his major tests, he can go meet with the owner of the notebook in his grasp.
This is what makes him hate himself more. The type of person he hates the most are those hypocrites. He happens to be one of them. He continues to torture himself and do the exact opposite, say the exact opposite of what his heart tells him to.
He spent the rest of the night studying for his major test the next day, pushing the thoughts about Chanyeol at the back of his head and completely ignoring the blinking of his phone’s LED.
***
Fast footsteps, almost running. Kris and Kai snickers as they stare at their friend eagerly walking ahead of them.
“Are you sure he’s already there?” Chanyeol throws Kris a quick glance, eyes wide as he nears the particular room for Kris’ first period class.
Kris clamps his hands over his lips first to stop snickering before answering.
“Yeah. He’s always an hour early so of course he’d already be there.”
Chanyeol does not look back and only keeps nodding his head as he gets a hold of the doorknob, a huge playful grin on his face.
Counting from three to one, Chanyeol bursts in the room and silently sneaks his way to a particular petite male who’s currently reading his notes from their past lesson. Kris and Kai follows after him and watches as their friend leans very, very close to his victim who is still too busy to actually notice the person advancing in on him.
Chanyeol whispers something into the busy petite male’s ear and a loud shriek is heard… which, of course, is followed by Chanyeol’s cackle while running out of the room, but not before making sure to throw a playful grin at the enraged male he had once again successfully annoyed.
Baekhyun stands up from his seat and points at the taller male who caused the disturbance to his perfectly normal morning while screaming at the top of his lungs in anger.
“PARK CHANYEOL YOU STUPID IDIOT I SWEAR IF YOU SHOW YOUR FACE IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN I’M GOING TO THROW YOU OFF THE BUILDING!!!!”
Chanyeol is out of the room in less than 5 seconds.
Kai is snickering as he trails after his friend who just run out of the room.
The rest of the class cheers and teases Baekhyun.
Kris stares at the petite male that’s already back to his seat, murmuring curses that are surely directed to the male who just left cackling like an evil witch.
It’s interesting, Kris thinks, how Baekhyun stays quiet the entire time and only makes so much noise when Chanyeol is around. Baekhyun is the type of person who wouldn’t mingle with people when it’s not important and he knows that already for the past two years they’ve known each other. The petite male is sweet but you wouldn’t know that unless you put much effort into getting to know him. Chanyeol is the person who knows this the most. Over the three years the two knew each other, Kris is already able to understand how Chanyeol is the only male in the entire school who can make Baekhyun laugh so loud in the middle of the class, talk or even gossip about things even when Baekhyun isn’t even interested while crouching down and whispering to each other, and even scream at the top of his voice because Chanyeol has once again played a prank on him. With Chanyeol around, you’d see so many emotions and reactions from Baekhyun.
Like that tint of blush on his cheeks right now.
“Look guys! Baekhyun is blushing!!” Jongdae po
ints at the petite male who immediately leans down and buries his face on his arms.
“I’m fucking not!”
But it’s so obvious in his voice, which moved an octave higher, that he is, indeed, feeling something more than the usual. That Chanyeol’s sudden appearance in front of him is something he misses.
Baekhyun didn’t attend the last summer classes so he was not classmates with Chanyeol. The last time they saw each other was during their final exams last semester. They weren’t classmates anymore this semester because Chanyeol slacked off again in his studies and had to retake a subject. It has been three months since the last time they saw each other and although seeing Chanyeol means getting teased, annoyed, or even being played a prank on, Baekhyun could not hide to himself that he did miss his tall, annoying friend.
This is the first time Kris heard that highpitched voice of Baekhyun after three months.
He gives Baekhyun a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he passes by him on his way to his seat.
*
From: Ham and Baekon
To: Chanyeol
PARK CHANYEOL I SWEAR IF I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN I’M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AND ROLL YOU ON SANDPAPER
*
Saying the word I miss you is something Baekhyun doesn’t feel comfortable to. Showing affection to someone he knows he could develop real feelings to is something he avoids at all cost.
It took less than a minute when his phone starts blinking.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
Then I’m not going to show my face in front of you again. :P
*
Baekhyun stares at his screen for awhile before deciding that Chanyeol doesn’t mean it and stuffs his phone in his bag again.
He tries not to think of the sensation left by Chanyeol’s warm breath over his ears when he murmured those words he would never admit to anyone.
“You missed me, didn’t you?”
Author: anonymous until reveals
pairing/s: Baekhyun/ Chanyeol
Genre: Fluff, slight angst
Length: 19, 604
The sound of fast and steady footsteps resounds in the empty hallways as Baekhyun walks straight to his classroom, not lifting his eyes to avoid people who know him. As he enters the main halls where all students go into, he plugs in his earphones and plays the playlist he always listens to before hugging his books tighter. He isn't an introvert; it's just that he prefers not talking to people when it's not necessary because he is always at a loss of words. No matter how hard he tries, he will end up stuck in dead air, unable to talk more, making the conversation end in an awkward situation. Besides, he couldn't recognize the people around him anyway. Not that he lost his memory, no. Blurred outlines have been Baekhyun's constant companion. Wearing spectacles serves more of an annoyance than a help to him. Even after half a year of having one, isn't used to wearing them. Contact lenses on the other hand are considered as a chore. He tried to use them for a whole week. But it didn’t work out for him. Putting them on takes ages and wastes his precious time. It always bothers him. Comments of being snobbish and unfriendly are being thrown at him but he can't help it. A guessing game of "who is approaching" was something Baekhyun tried to face but he can't stand it. Baekhyun learned that it's far better to let people see that he isn't looking at their direction. Soon enough, acquaintances believed that he just doesn't have the time.
His eyes are downcast as he enters his first period room. There were only a few students as he takes his seat at the front rows, hands automatically reaching inside his bag pack to pull out his book. In his life as a college student, he had learned a lot of ways to avoid talking to people. One, put on your earphones. Two, read a book. Keep on reading and let it be shown that you are concentrating so that people won’t even bother talking to you. It works almost all of the time. ALMOST. Some people are just too dense to get what people are trying to make them see or are just so thick skinned to actually ignore that a person is basically implying for them to fuck off.
His seatmate for this class happens to be one of them.
Baekhyun, already too used to it, doesn’t even flinch or take a glance of his seatmate who makes a loud noise as he slump down on his seat, letting his arrival be known by the rest of his classmates. Baekhyun shifts to turn away. He doesn’t have anything against the latter. It’s just that he really just doesn’t want to interact with him, especially because he doesn’t need to.
Zhitao is one of the loudest people Baekhyun has met. He is a very competitive person and he particularly likes the spotlight. When he speaks, he makes sure his voice is loud enough for everyone within his vicinity to hear him. He speaks whatever is in his mind even when he knows people could possible get hurt by what he says. Baekhyun made the wrong decision of taking the seat beside the man oozing with confidence because he has become Zhitao’s favorite person to nag to. He would always immediately turn to Baekhyun to say whatever he wants to say that he knows Baekhyun isn’t even the least interested in. He made it obvious from the very beginning that he doesn’t like it when people keep talking to him but the latter still continues to do so. It was bearable at first but soon it made Baekhyun want to rip his mouth off. He doesn’t like the way Zhitao talked with full confidence like he knows everything. His topic ranges from his personal
life, to his social life, to the entertainment industry-everything that completely does not relate to Baekhyun. But what Baekhyun hates the most is when Zhitao tries to talk about his notsosecret crush.
Baekhyun turns up the volume of his iPod, just enough for his seatmate to hear for him to know that he isn’t interested to hear whatever he has to say.
He waited to completely ignore that usual poke he receives when Zhitao wants to start a conversation but it doesn’t happen. It made Baekhyun curios what miraculous thing happened for his roommate to decide not to annoy him again so he side glances his roommate and oh, a new phone.
Zhitao also likes to… display his luxurious belongings.
Baekhyun is aware Zhitao isn’t a member of a rich family so he doesn’t really judge Zhitao when he shows how proud he is of the luxurious things he can afford. Who knows how hard he worked just to have it. He turns away again, feeling relieved that there’s something to keep his seatmate from irritating him.
**
“Did you hear what happened?”
Baekhyun internally groans when Zhitao speaks, not really taking his eyes off the screen of his new phone with a pink sparkling case. He would ignore Zhitao and act like he didn’t hear them but they have their professor in front of him, writing their lesson on the whiteboard, and obviously, there is no way he won’t hear his seatmate.
“Hear what?” He doesn’t stop writing down notes.
“Yeol. I heard he’s in the hospital.”
Baekhyun’s hand stops for a split of second, his eyes faltering in the process, before he continues writing again.
“You didn’t know huh..”
Baekhyun almost scoffs at the tone in Zhitao’s voice.
He and Chanyeol had been friends for three years since their first year in college. and because of that and their closeness, people sometimes tend to tease them together-Something Baekhyun can’t find the logic of. Another thing without logic is his seatmate thinking that there really is something going on between him and Chanyeol.
Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol.
Baekhyun doesn’t like lying about his opinion about people so if they look good then he would admit it. Park Chanyeol is one of those people he would admit looks good. That’s why it doesn’t surprise him when Zhitao suddenly makes it too obvious to everyone that he likes Chanyeol. Baekhyun has nothing against this. But what amuses him is how Zhitao thinks that he is trying to steal Chanyeol from the latter when all they do most of the time they meet is argue and bicker. There is nothing sweet or romantic between them so where do they get these assumptions? He finds it funny how Zhitao thinks they’re both competing for Chanyeol’s heart.
Baekhyun doesn’t compete for something he doesn’t want.
Unconsciously, Baekhyun’s hand finds its way to his coat’s pocket, immediately fishing out his phone to open his messaging.
“Are you going to text him?”
“What?” He looks up at Zhitao who’s staring at his phone screen with a teasing smirk.
Baekhyun looks down at his hand holding his phone. He contemplates for a short while before excusing himself and leaving the room.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Chanyeol?
[delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Yurr’a, I heard you’re in the hospital? What happened? Are you okay? [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Ya Park Chanyeol you still haven’t lend me your external drive. I need new movies. [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+ hey I heard you’re in the hospital? |
*
Baekhyun stares at the blinking cursor.
What are you supposed to say to a long friend whom you haven’t seen for weeks and didn’t try to contact at all?
Baekhyun would have used the usual sassy way of texting him but then this is his friend and he is sick. He has never really been the caring friend to Chanyeol so maybe he should change that a little since there’s only a year left before they graduate college and venture out. They probably won’t see each other ever again. A little sympathy should do for his sick friend.
He clicks ‘send’.
*
Baekhyun places his phone on the counter table and leans on the marble wall as he stares at his phone. Five minutes. It’s been five minutes and he hadn’t replied.
He’s not ignoring my text, is he?
Impossible.
Chanyeol would never ignore his texts. In fact, Chanyeol would always be the one texting him. Telling him stuff he doesn’t want to know, receiving texts until 2am even when he doesn’t reply, get asked things that totally doesn’t makes sense and overall getting annoyed at his friend.
But it’s stopped being as often as it did last semester.
Last semester they were classmates in every subject and even if they aren’t supposed to be seatmates, Chanyeol would always transfer to a seat beside Baekhyun just to annoy and talk to him about things he doesn’t even like talking about. He doesn’t know where he got the patience to listen to the man endlessly telling him (or sometimes whispering to him when the teacher is lecturing) things that he, for one, isn’t even interested about. Maybe he’s just too kind and because-they are friends.
Baekhyun places both his arm on the counter, leaning forward as he stares at his reflection. His eye bags have grown worse, he hadn’t been taking care of his skin, and worse, he gained some weight that he knows would definitely be difficult to get rid of. And this would definitely give Chanyeol the satisfaction of calling him what he always does-Bacon.
It was just a play of words, his name ‘Baekhyun’ being turned into a food taken from a hog’s skin-‘Bacon’. Now ‘Baekon’, as what Chanyeol calls him. Chanyeol was the first to have the courage to call him something as rude as that. He should be angry, he should. But sometimes he finds himself laughing and calling the latter ‘ugly’ in retaliation. But he knows Chanyeol doesn’t get affected. Chanyeol knows he isn’t ugly.
Damn, he knows it well.
But they aren’t classmates now and they haven’t been seeing each other because of the differences in their class schedules. Baeknyun is therefore saved from the friend who calls him rude names.
It only took two blinks for the green LED indicating a text has arrived and Baekhyun already has his phone on his hand.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
Yea. Pneum0nia
*
Baekhyun stares, unblinking, at the screen of his phone. He was expecting Chanyeol to complain about having fever or something small because he likes complaining about everything that isn’t an advantage to him.
Pneumonia? Chanyeol acquired Pneumonia?
Baekhyun had pneumonia before and his life was nowhere near endangered. At least that’s what he believes, being the one ill. So it should be the same with Chanyeol but somehow, he is still is worried. This is a friend of three years and it is normal to be worried.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Are you feeling alright? How many days have you been there? [delete]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Is there anyone taking care of you right now? Do you want me to come over? Have you sent an excuse letter to the school?
*
He stares at the text again. Chanyeol lives alone, just like him, and he knows that the latter hates making a fuss about stuff especially when it’s about taking care of his health. So if no one does, he would only lie down on his bed without caring to take his medicines. It isn’t just one time he had to bring medicine with him at school just in case his lazy friend neglects his sickness again. It’s far better to have it ready than running to the first floor for the clinic and ask for medicine.
He starts deleting again.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh okay. Dude, Is there anyone accompanying you?
[sent ]
He cares about Chanyeol. But he really doesn’t need to say it, right? What should count is his actions. Besides it’s stuffing to say something awkward to Chanyeol. He always ends up getting teased and he dislikes it.
*
He contemplates going back to his room, in case their class starts again but then the LED starts blinking again.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
my mom
*
Baekhyun lets out a relieved sigh. At least his mom is there to take care of him. He wouldn’t be that worried of his friend being sick and staying in the hospital alone.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh. Good.. how are you feeling right now? When will you be discharged? Are you eating well?
[delete ]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh..
Eat lots of food, okay? You looked so thin the last time I saw you. Hey now that I think of it, we haven’t seen each other for so long! Are you going to be discharged anytime soon? Can I visit you? Which hospital are you confined at?
[ delete ]
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Take care of yourself, okay? And eat a lot. I’ll come visit, okay? I kind of miss hanging out with you. |
*
He stares for a second, the cursor blinks as he whispers the words.
“I miss you”
Too much. He’s showing too much.
He starts deleting again.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
Oh okay. Dude, make sure you come back not looking like a matchstick. At least don’t be lazy eating food, you lazy bum.
lol
[sent ]
*
Baekhyun hates how he has to try to be uncaring when it comes to Chanyeol. It’s not that he doesn’t want to. It’s just that ever since they became a lot closer, people started to tease them together. Both of them try to ignore it but Baekhyun couldn’t help hating the feeling of awkwardness around Chanyeol. Because awkward doesn’t exist in his description of Chanyeol.
He likes being around Chanyeol. Chanyeol makes him feel like he can be just who he is; like he doesn’t need to pretend. He can curse all he want, and not be nice at all and it would be completely fine with Chanyeol. The tall man has never judged him-at least not about his looks and his taste in fashion. Chanyeol is a person who regards how he looks to be very important. Well it doesn’t matter to Baekhyun because the latter looks good in anything he wears anyway. He ignores how the latter continues to judge his fashion sense. But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need to look good for anyone anyway. Even in front of his tall, fashionable, and handsome friend. He could care less.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
k
*
Baekhyun gapes at his phone as he stares at the oneletter text he received from his friend who he was actually worrying about.
“Bitch just ked me.”
His finger moves fast as he types back a reply with a smirk.
Obviously, his giant friend is perfectly doing fine. Seeing as he still has the audacity to be his annoyingself when it comes to him. Until now, he still is Chanyeol’s favorite person to annoy.
*
From: Baekhyun
To: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
You better get well soon, you idiot. I still haven’t received my gift for my last birthday.
**
Five minutes have passed but his phone has not blinked even once.
It’s only after another five minutes when a group of students enters the restroom that Baekhyun goes back to his classroom. He ignores the hard stare Zhitao is sending towards him when he takes a seat.
“Did you text him?” Zhitao asks, side glancing him while still scrolling down his new phone while his other hand holds the notebook that he is using for cover.
“Who?” He goes back to writing down notes.
He hears a low chuckle from his seatmate before he speaks again.
“Oh you know who..”
And Baekhyun did not have to deny it. He and Chanyeol are friends. They are just friends. Why the heck would he need to hide the fact that he feels even a bit concerned about his own friend?
“Yeah.”
“How is he doing?”
“He’s fine. He’s with his mom.”
“Did he tell you where-“
Getting irritated at his seat mate’s unlimited questions, Baekhyun stops writing and looks at Zhitao.
“You know what, why don’t you text him and ask him yourself? I’m sure you have his number.”
His seatmate shrugs.
“He doesn’t answer my calls and texts.”
‘Maybe because you nag him a lot’ is what Baekhyun wanted to say but chose not to. He knows how much of a warfreak his seatmate can be when his ego is hurt.
Zhitao places his phone down on his notebook before completely facing him.
“Do you text often?”
Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Zhitao is making it obvious that he is jealous about something he shouldn’t be.
“No,” he pauses as he picks up his mechanical pencil. “Only when we need each other.”
It was too late when Baekhyun realized what he just said.
Only when we need each other.
“I mean-“
“You don’t need to explain.” Zhitao dismisses him as he diverts his attention back to his new phone and he starts playing Flappy Bird.
Yeah, Baekhyun thought.
Why does he need to explain himself? He and Chanyeol really only have SMS conversations when they need to. Or more like he would only reply to Chanyeol’s messages when it concerns something related to school. Other than that, the latter’s messages are completely left unreplied although Baekhyun reads them all and.. does not delete them. It does make him feel guilty how he only contacts Chanyeol when he needs him but then that’s the only way people would stop thinking there is something more between them.
Baekhyun gets back to attentively listening to their professor, pushing back the thoughts of Chanyeol.
He didn’t get to ask Chanyeol where he could visit him.
That night he decided not to pay Chanyeol a visit, convincing himself that he’s perfectly fine since there is someone to take care of him.
His presence wouldn’t be needed anyway.
***
The weather in Seoul has not improved for the past few days. It’s the coldest season of the year and the snow is falling heavier each day. The coldness is different. He is inside the warmth of his house but he still feels cold. It’s like... The coldness is coming from within him and shatters his very being.
Baekhyun shivers as he rubs his hands on the cotton fabric of his sweater by his arm.
He waits patiently as he watches his mug get filled at the brim with hot chocolate. He doesn’t like drinking coffee, it makes him jittery. He doesn’t like teas as well. It’s too bitter for his taste. Chocolate is just...
perfect. He likes the sweetness it leaves on his tongue and what more perfect way to spend a cold day but snuggling cozily with a delicious hot chocolate on your hand?
He was thinking of the weather and why he should be thankful because classes are suspended. But something feels...amiss. Something is bothering him. Something is making him feel him uncomfortable down at the pit of his stomach.
He blames it on the weather.
This distracts him from his task at hand. In fast, resolved motions, he turns off the hot chocolate machine before he ends up spilling it as the mug is already filled to the brim. With careful steady hands, he places the tip of the mug to his lips and slowly sips the hot liquid without realizing that it would burn his tongue. It was too late when he does as he ends up yelping in pain and placing the mug on the counter.
Damn it.
What’s wrong with him? Why is he so absent minded today?
The first month of the year is soon ending but the coldness of the winter doesn't subside. The coldness of the falling snow seeps into his sweater but he doesn’t budge as he continues to stare at a distant place. The snow is blowing in his room through the window where he is perched at but he was too preoccupied with his thoughts to notice. Baekhyun always likes it when it snows. He likes playing with the snow, watching the white fluffy condensations falling onto the ground in silence. But today he feels particularly nostalgic and he couldn’t explain the uneasiness he is feeling deep inside. His chest is tightening and somehow, it feels like something bad is going to happen. Or has happened. He feels sad, so sad that he had to clench his chest as tears start to flow down his cheeks.
But what could it be? What could he be sad about?
Baekhyun doesn’t know, yet the tears flowing down his cheeks never seem to want to stop. So he closes his eyes, inhales the cold breeze, and tries to collect himself.
The doorbell ringing pulls him out of his reverie and he turns his head towards the sound as if he can see through the wall and to his front door.
He wonders who could be visiting him at this moment when there’s a blizzard beginning to start outside. In a slow pace, while still contemplating who it could be, he makes his way outside his room and towards the main door of his apartment.
**
“Kai..”, he speaks softly as he looks up at the man wrapped in a thick black coat.
He doesn’t expect Kai, of all people, to be visiting him in weather like this. Whatever it is, it must have been urgent and important. Kai does not really talk to him a lot ever since they got in different sections in class.
Kai only talks to him nowadays when he needs him. This day must be one of those days.
But there’s one thing different between those days he would usually ask for favor and this day. Kai’s face looks crestfallen. The usual cheeky and a bit shy smile he sports when he’s asking for a favor isn’t present as well. Instead, he sees a very tired looking young man with darkening circles and bloodshot eyes. Kai is known for being one of those students who are addicted to computer games. It got even worse now that there’s no Kyungsoo to nag him to study and quit playing video games.
The man continued being silent so Baekhyun decides to speak again.
“How may I help you?”
Kai doesn’t speak again. Instead, he visibly shivers and that’s when Baekhyun realizes he is being rude for not inviting an old friend inside the warmth of his home.
“Oh I’m sorry. Please come in. It’s cold outside, let’s talk inside. I’ll make you a coffee.”
He steps aside, opening the door wider for his old friend to step in. His brows creased when Kai slowly lifts a foot, as if hesitating, and plants it back down on the door rug.
“No, actually. I’m in a hurry.”
“Oh”, was all Baekhyun could say.
“I came here to give you this.”
Kai stretches his hands towards Baekhyun with something wrapped in red cloth in hand. Baekhyun slowly takes what is being handed to him and was surprised when the other immediately lets go of it as if it contains a disease and he couldn’t wait to pass it to someone else. Baekhyun didn’t even have the time to check what it is that is wrapped in the red cloth that Kai handed to him when the latter speaks in a hurried manner before walking away, almost running.
“I’m sorry. Bye.”
Baekhyun was left puzzled. He thinks Kai was being weird but then Kai has always been weird especially since he is friends with a weirder person. But this.... this is an unusual kind of weirdweird.
Baekhyun watches from a far as Kai disappears from his sight. And after a few seconds of still staring at the direction Kai disappeared to , Baekhyun steps back and closes the door.
He doesn’t realize he is freezing until he has closed the door and stepped inside his living room, then sitting on his cotton cushioned sofa.
He stares at the red notebook. It looks familiar. Is it a notebook he owned that Kai forgot to return? He runs the palm of his hand on the surface of the notebook. It has a rough texture as if the cover is made slightly of sandpaper. But of course it isn’t because that would be stupid, Baekhyun thought. Still puzzled, he flips the notebook open and there, written in bold cursive, are the words that make him laugh.
“My College Life Memoir”, Baekhyun reads aloud as if he has an audience. He snorts right after that and breaks into a goofy smile.
This is the notebook that first year students in their university receive on their school orientation before they start the classes. It’s the idea of the guidance counselor’s office. They said it would help the students express themselves more-especially if they feel left out and new in their college life. It was three years ago when Baekhyun received his own red notebook. He never really tried to write anything on it because he doesn’t think there were events in his first year University life that was worth remembering and writing down on his ‘red notebook’. He already forgot about its existence and only now, when Kai presented it to him, does he remembers about it. He doesn’t understand how Kai got his red notebook but he doesn’t question that. It was useless to him from the very beginning anyway.
He flips it again to the next page. There wasn’t any name written on it. No identification for him to know who really owns the notebook. But the handwriting-the very familiar handwriting and that one word written on it makes Baekhyun’s heart skip a beat and he knew right there and then that the red notebook isn’t his.
Baekhyun stares at the words written on the page for about a minute-or maybe even more than that. He then breaks into a hearty laugh, eyes forming into little crescents and cheeks turning into a tint of pink.
It’s been so long since the last time he saw this handwriting.
“Does he really have to write like this..”, he says again as he traces his hand over the swollen paper because of the pressure applied by the person who owns the notebook. The word ‘bacon’ was written on the paper on capital letters.
Chanyeol likes writing in capital letters because he believes his penmanship looks ugly in small letters. No matter how many times Baekhyun tries to convince him how much he thinks his penmanship in small letters looks just fine, the latter still confuses to write as normal as everyone does.
Chanyeol likes being different.
He wonders why Kai handed him the notebook owned by his best friend. Maybe Kai wanted him to hand it to Chanyeol? But Kai sees Chanyeol more often than he does now.
Baekhyun dismisses the thought as he reaches out for his phone on the coffee table to text Chanyeol about the notebook. That’s when something falls off the leather notebook he is holding. Momentarily forgetting about his phone, Baekhyun bends down to pick up the piece of cutout paper. Holding the white glossy paper that was obviously cut from a magazine, he wonders again why his giant friend would have a magazine paper cut into a shape of a bacon. He flips the paper to the other side and that’s when he sees it. A photo of him glued to a photo of bacon that he obviously cut from magazine with a caption ‘The most perfect Bacon to annoy”.
He laughs. He laughs because he always gets annoyed by this when the giant friend of his teases him and because the memories of them teasing each other are beautiful memories that will always keep him laughing.
He flips the notebook open in its middle part to place back the piece of paper and was about to close it when he notices something. His name was written on the notebook in bold and capital letters, as if the one who wrote it kept on writing the name again and again.
Curiosity kills the cat and before he knows it, his hands have already reached for the notebook and he starts reading Maybe he shouldn’t have.
He really shouldn’t have.
Because the words he saw and everything that was written on the notebook makes him clutch his chest in pain, in guilt. Tears sprawl down his eyes as he flips one page to another, hands continuously wiping the tears away and trying hard to still keep on reading against his blurred vision.
At the end of the day, he has made a decision.
“Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll tell him.”
He hugs the notebook tightly to his chest as if his life depended on it, eyes close tight and dried tears still lined his cheeks.
Baekhyun doesn’t have to repeat to himself that he cares for his giant friend, misses him, and wants to be there all the time. But Baekhyun looks at life in a practical way. He knows what he wants and what he needs. Or rather, what life would make him want and need in the future; what everyone expects from him. Getting too much involved with someone won’t help him in achieving the future everyone expects him to have. He cares for Chanyeol, but caring for him will have to wait. He has his priorities and as much as he loathes it, right now, Chanyeol isn’t one of them.
His heart tells him not to waste his time and look for the man he’s been worried about. But his mind tells him that no, Chanyeol isn’t going away. Checking up on him can be postponed for next time. These tests will cost him a lot of points. so he needs to get as high mark as he can. It took him a lot of selfcontrol to stop himself from sprinting out to look for Chanyeol but he is able to. He promised himself that when he’s done with his major tests, he can go meet with the owner of the notebook in his grasp.
This is what makes him hate himself more. The type of person he hates the most are those hypocrites. He happens to be one of them. He continues to torture himself and do the exact opposite, say the exact opposite of what his heart tells him to.
He spent the rest of the night studying for his major test the next day, pushing the thoughts about Chanyeol at the back of his head and completely ignoring the blinking of his phone’s LED.
***
Fast footsteps, almost running. Kris and Kai snickers as they stare at their friend eagerly walking ahead of them.
“Are you sure he’s already there?” Chanyeol throws Kris a quick glance, eyes wide as he nears the particular room for Kris’ first period class.
Kris clamps his hands over his lips first to stop snickering before answering.
“Yeah. He’s always an hour early so of course he’d already be there.”
Chanyeol does not look back and only keeps nodding his head as he gets a hold of the doorknob, a huge playful grin on his face.
Counting from three to one, Chanyeol bursts in the room and silently sneaks his way to a particular petite male who’s currently reading his notes from their past lesson. Kris and Kai follows after him and watches as their friend leans very, very close to his victim who is still too busy to actually notice the person advancing in on him.
Chanyeol whispers something into the busy petite male’s ear and a loud shriek is heard… which, of course, is followed by Chanyeol’s cackle while running out of the room, but not before making sure to throw a playful grin at the enraged male he had once again successfully annoyed.
Baekhyun stands up from his seat and points at the taller male who caused the disturbance to his perfectly normal morning while screaming at the top of his lungs in anger.
“PARK CHANYEOL YOU STUPID IDIOT I SWEAR IF YOU SHOW YOUR FACE IN FRONT OF ME AGAIN I’M GOING TO THROW YOU OFF THE BUILDING!!!!”
Chanyeol is out of the room in less than 5 seconds.
Kai is snickering as he trails after his friend who just run out of the room.
The rest of the class cheers and teases Baekhyun.
Kris stares at the petite male that’s already back to his seat, murmuring curses that are surely directed to the male who just left cackling like an evil witch.
It’s interesting, Kris thinks, how Baekhyun stays quiet the entire time and only makes so much noise when Chanyeol is around. Baekhyun is the type of person who wouldn’t mingle with people when it’s not important and he knows that already for the past two years they’ve known each other. The petite male is sweet but you wouldn’t know that unless you put much effort into getting to know him. Chanyeol is the person who knows this the most. Over the three years the two knew each other, Kris is already able to understand how Chanyeol is the only male in the entire school who can make Baekhyun laugh so loud in the middle of the class, talk or even gossip about things even when Baekhyun isn’t even interested while crouching down and whispering to each other, and even scream at the top of his voice because Chanyeol has once again played a prank on him. With Chanyeol around, you’d see so many emotions and reactions from Baekhyun.
Like that tint of blush on his cheeks right now.
“Look guys! Baekhyun is blushing!!” Jongdae po
ints at the petite male who immediately leans down and buries his face on his arms.
“I’m fucking not!”
But it’s so obvious in his voice, which moved an octave higher, that he is, indeed, feeling something more than the usual. That Chanyeol’s sudden appearance in front of him is something he misses.
Baekhyun didn’t attend the last summer classes so he was not classmates with Chanyeol. The last time they saw each other was during their final exams last semester. They weren’t classmates anymore this semester because Chanyeol slacked off again in his studies and had to retake a subject. It has been three months since the last time they saw each other and although seeing Chanyeol means getting teased, annoyed, or even being played a prank on, Baekhyun could not hide to himself that he did miss his tall, annoying friend.
This is the first time Kris heard that highpitched voice of Baekhyun after three months.
He gives Baekhyun a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he passes by him on his way to his seat.
*
From: Ham and Baekon
To: Chanyeol
PARK CHANYEOL I SWEAR IF I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN I’M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE AND ROLL YOU ON SANDPAPER
*
Saying the word I miss you is something Baekhyun doesn’t feel comfortable to. Showing affection to someone he knows he could develop real feelings to is something he avoids at all cost.
It took less than a minute when his phone starts blinking.
*
From: Park Chanyeol. Tss. =__=+
To: Baekhyun
Then I’m not going to show my face in front of you again. :P
*
Baekhyun stares at his screen for awhile before deciding that Chanyeol doesn’t mean it and stuffs his phone in his bag again.
He tries not to think of the sensation left by Chanyeol’s warm breath over his ears when he murmured those words he would never admit to anyone.
“You missed me, didn’t you?”