In Between
Title: In Between
Series: Finding
Sub-Series: Five Times No
Characters: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM, five years later
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Directly follows Fourth No, Five Times No and is immediately prior to Move from the prompts so kindly, patiently waited for by
bookaddict43 She is the soul of patience! Yes this does lead to the Fifth No, just not yet!!! Lyrics at the end will be building into an arc.All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline no matter when they appear.
If you have words, share them, please!
In Between
It was after Mal and Jayne had returned to Serenity never having rendezvoused with the rest of the crew. Mal had been half-fuming, half- glad at Jayne’s actions. He had convinced the big man to take the limp doctor off the street before leaving him in an alley. It only twinged at his conscience minorly to have let the merc kill a man in cold blood with no visible provocation.
Mal had to admit to himself that before Miranda he would have stopped Jayne with whatever means available, but the last several years had seen a change in the man. Him and the little Albatross had found some way of finding peace when it seemed like nothing would ever draw Jayne back to himself. Took eight months after Miranda for Mal to see that his big dumb merc weren’t behaving like the lout he had always been. Mal had finally noticed that Jayne had shrunk back from everyone, had stopped engaging outwards like he had. The crude, stupid humor had up and vanished, replaced by vivid anger that the merc drew around him like a cloak.
Now, years later, Mal could allow that Jayne had a connection to River that no one understood. It was enough to make all of them grant that Jayne would know things he shouldn’t by rights know. That doctor from Osiris couldn’t have been on Boros for no reason he figured. A check on the Cortex confirmed Mal’s fears. The Alliance was still seeking those ‘students/subjects’ from years ago; seemed they were trying to find the most promising subjects to see if they were still viable.
Mal didn’t tell Jayne immediately about his discovery. Knew the man would want to hunt down every last Alliance doctor and soldier himself to protect his wife.
Now they were all gathered in the lounge, Jayne with an arm draped over River’s shoulders; Mal knew River could read his thoughts if she wanted to, but he had stopped worrying about it long time past. She rarely lost herself in exploration of other’s minds. She had found her own center by sharing it with Jayne. The Captain snorted when he thought of that. Jayne was the peaceful one for her, where he was still the half-wild killer to everyone else. Two wild souls living on his ship, keeping the rest of them safe through their combined firepower, physical and mental.
“I spent some time on the Cortex… seems our Albatross isn’t as forgotten by them as we had thought. Dr. Strangled Randall was part of a reconnaissance team sent here to find her and bring her in for tests. Seems they think that 5 years is long enough for their ‘students’ to be without observation.”
Jayne and Simon simultaneously reacted.
“They can’t know she is still alive… where she is… we haven’t had a warrant out since, since…” Simon blurted out.
“Ruttin’ hell they’re bringin’ her in… I ain’t lettin’ no one take her back there.” Jayne half-rose, hackles visibly up.
Mal didn’t finish what they all were thinking; no one wanted to set Jayne off. They were en route to Three Hills where Mattie had settled a few years after Ma Cobb had passed, and rumor had it that Reaver ships had been seen in the area. Jayne was already on edge and the cold blooded killing of the Alliance Doctor had made Mal admit that he really didn’t understand the merc as he once had.
“We know that Jayne, let the Captain finish.” Zoë’s calm voice silenced both the agitated men.
“We got ourselves a real conundrum here. Do we hide or do we end this now?” Mal asked, shaking his head as he did, knowing he would never have sought advice before Miranda, before nearly losing everything, again.
River had laid a cool hand on Jayne’s arm, helping to remind him that she was safe where she was.
“There are others… they will be looking for others who they lost.” She spoke quietly, eyes unfocused, going inside her memories and reaching out towards the thoughts she could track.
“Missions where others were thought lost, ran away, were injured and hidden. They are still looking for them. Not just me.” River sat up, eyes became sharp, voice clear and strong, “We must help warn the others.”
Mal raised his hands in a warding off gesture, “No Albatross, we don’t even know where these others are, how are we supposed to warn them?”
“Jayne knew where one was… could lead to others…” River replied.
Mal shot a look at Jayne who was studying his boots carefully. “Jayne?”
“She ain’t wrong… there was one on Persephone.. leastwise there was five years back.”
Zoë sat up sharply, “Jayne, you can’t be thinking on going back there again… near ended you last time…”
“Whoa, wait, what ‘last time’” Mal stuttered, clearly not remembering.
“Sir, when we were repairing Serenity after Mr. Universe’s… Jayne went to get Kaylee some converters… from Mr. Cairo…” Zoë explained.
Mal stood stock still, anger, confusion, and disbelief warring across his expression. “And… wait, let me understand this…largest big bad on Persephone, maybe the Border worlds entire, dealt with Jayne, and Jayne ain’t dead as he is clearly sitting here… care to explain that Jayne?” Mal swung to look at Jayne, arms folded tightly across his chest. The Captain was sorting in his mind the likelihood of losing Serenity and possibly more as payment for the deal with Mr. Cairo. He would rather face Niska again if it came to that.
River looked sharply at Mal, “Comparison is moot… no longer threatens Serenity… past is past, cannot be redone.”
Mal shook his head, confused, “What’s that girl?” He was struggling to get a grasp on the conversation and felt like he was missing critical elements.
“Mr. Cairo is dead Sir,” Zoë helpfully supplied.
“He’s what? When? I ain’t seen no news on the Cortex ‘bout that, conjure that would merit at least one headline…” Mal sputtered.
“Like I said ta Zo back then, we needed the parts, Mr. Cairo had ‘em…” Jayne interrupted, looking at Mal with unconcealed vehemence, “I ain’t done a lot a’ things I’m proud of… that hun dahn owed me fer one a’ them. He weren’t in a mind ta pay… done what I had ta.” Defiance shone through darkened blue eyes.
Mal listened, lips pursed, thoughts racing. Jayne had used an unpaid debt owed him for something other than himself. Definitely a missing element. He warmed up to ask again about why Jayne had a debt owed by Mr. Cairo when River started to explain.
“She was 16, was being trained and found suitable for the mission… she was one of the first.” River started to explain. “He found her, broke her free. Many died, but Jayne found the girl and brought her home. Her father was grateful but unable to pay as he had agreed. He owed a debt that he repaid to allow Serenity to fly again. Repaid in life he had stolen from others… his own.”
“You’re going to have to excuse my skepticism here Jayne, but why? Why use the debt that way.”
“Yer a bigger fool than I ever was if ya don’t know why Mal… honest truth, been here fer long enough doin’ what ya hired me for and more that ya oughta know by now.” Jayne wrenched himself out of the couch and stalked out of the lounge. River watched him go but did not move to follow him. She knew he wanted to steam on his own where he couldn’t cause any harm to anyone on board. Mal and Jayne had continued circling like alpha males trapped in a cage, neither able to step back, pull free despite the passage of years.
“Mal, he was nearly killed by Badger, you were still in the Med Shuttle, and we were as close to gone as we had ever been. We had nothing, nowhere left to go. Jayne did what he needed to do and kept the crew together, kept Serenity together.” Inara explained.
“Near killed… by Badger?” Mal sounded confused, “I know Badger ain’t never forgiven Jayne for breaking his leg, but he still deals as he always has with us… lying and cheating I grant you… but near killed?”
“He was shot Sir, dumped in an alley near as I can recall… made his way back to Serenity, dropped two of Badger’s gunmen when they thought to do me harm.” Zoë said. “Were a near thing getting him to the ship before he bled out. Simon had to transfuse a few pints of blood and plasma to just stabilize him.”
“He was unconscious for two days, I transfused blood from River the first day after repairing the injuries.” Simon continued, “He didn’t respond like he always had, stayed unconscious for two days…”
“New fire added to old… needed time to burn into the pathways…” River spoke softly, eyes downcast on her hands. She was twining them in her skirts draped over her folded legs.
“We all ain’t been the same since Miranda Sir, some of that got nothing to do with nothing except what it meant to be still livin’.” Zoë hesitated for a beat, “But there are things not like that too. River here has been saying it for years, we all just to stubborn or ignorant to hear her I expect.”
Mal listened to his First Mate, his eyes softening as he considered her loss that even years later had left a permanent memory of pain for her. Most days she was herself, but some days, it still haunted her. He knew that and had no tools to help her even now. He could only listen when she talked, know that she knew more than him on most topics, felt more than him despite appearances.
“Captain, if I may,” Simon gently interrupted Zoë, “I believe there is a deeper problem here than the death of Mr. Cairo and Jayne trading a debt for the ship… River is whose blood I have to use when he needs any. With his predilection for being injured… shot… he has had some transfusions… the factors in her blood are negatively bonded to….”
“Doc, what are you sayin’? Tell me clear, don’t need no Med Academy lecture now.” Mal interrupted brusquely.
Simon shook his head in frustration, “Yes, you do. River’s blood was altered, her bone marrow had genetic material inserted in order to increase red blood cell production, enhance it as well, and I haven’t been able to backtrack to what they did completely. It is incredibly hard to separate the new coding changes from the old and it gets harder every day as the changes become more entrenched. Other work done in the Academy added to that, changed some of her metabolic pathways. You may have noticed she gets no illnesses, none of the infections we all sometimes succumb to. She has superior red blood cell activity, more stamina, better ability to heal and supplies blood to her body more efficiently when she needs it.”
“And you’re saying that it has affected Jayne?” Mal finished for him.
“Yes. I am not sure how, I haven’t been able to isolate what exactly has changed, but there are definite alterations in his system.” Simon replied, more irritated with himself than anything else.
Mal paced, hand brusquely brushing hair back off his forehead, clearly frustrated.
Inara sitting quietly at the table, cupping a warm mug in her hands softly asked Simon, “Has it gotten worse?”
Simon looked at her, miserable expression in his eyes, “Yes, he is getting more erratic in his test results. It is like his DNA is being rewritten each time I take a sample. I would try some of the drugs I used on River to stabilize her early on, but I don’t think it would help… in fact they may make him worse. Except with River his aggression response has worsened, adrenaline levels are almost always elevated. And dopamine levels…”
“Doc, care to explain that in plain words?” Zoë interjected quietly, watching her Captain working himself up.
Simon sat up self-consciously, straightening himself, “Well… in most of us we have a baseline level of adrenaline, a system stimulant you could say. Fight or flight response is fired by it. Usually we don’t have it in significant levels to cause any distress, only when threatened, angry, or are in a heightened state of arousal due to fear or whatever.” He paused for a moment, all eyes except River’s on him. “Jayne always has it. There is never a time where he isn’t prepared chemically for a fight. And in him, the aggressor response is stronger than the flight response.”
“He will fight… fights even he need not… dreams of shifting winds and red waves fill the nights.” River added miserably.
Simon looked at his sister, concerned at that, “He has nightmares? He never said anything about that when I ask him how is sleeping…”
River nodded, shoulders sagging, “He doesn’t want me to know, wants to keep them from hurting me… doesn’t know that the hiding of them is just as painful.”
Mal had stopped his pacing, stood behind Inara, his hands resting on her shoulders; either comforting himself or her, “Alliance made your sister into a weapon, didn’t expect their work to be passed on to someone else second hand. We got ourselves a bit of a problem.” Mal said heavily.
“Sir, if the Alliance is out looking for their former ‘students’ what’s to stop them from seeing the vid feeds where we may have been less than lucky on avoiding their monitoring… who knows if they may have gotten wind of unexpected results…”
Mal looked at Zoë bleakly, eyes darkening with realization. Inara reached up to take one of his hands in hers, trying to comfort him.
Kaylee stuttered out, “I don’t understand? What would the Alliance see?”
“Jayne.” River answered softly.
~*~ ~*~
Mal and Zoë sat in companionable silence on the bridge, dinosaurs ranged across both consoles. Years had soothed some of the aches of loss for Zoë.
“You think we are going to have trouble come down on us?” Zoë asked in the quiet.
“When doesn’t it.” Mal replied wryly.
“Truth be told there Sir.”
“We got us some mighty interesting folks on our crew… not saying I want that to change, but things woulda flowed a bit smoother if we didn’t.” Mal continued.
Zoë chuckled slightly at that, “No Sir, I don’t expect they would have. Seems the ‘verse has a sense of humor.”
Mal looked over at his First Mate, “You’re the soul of optimism aren’t you?”
Zoë smiled back at him, too many years of being honest with each other to start lying now, “Yes Sir, always looking at the bright side.”
Mal nodded and grunted noncommittally.
~*~ ~*~
“Man no longer trapped by the exterior expression of boy.” River slid her arms over Jayne’s shoulders later that night while he was cleaning his old favorite, the LeMat. When he pulled her out to disassemble without having used her on a job, River knew he was mulling over things.
He grunted noncommittally in response.
“They are frightened, see the bear dwelling in the heart. Wonder if he will break free and make you mad.” She continued, arms grasping lightly across his chest.
“They oughta know by now I ain’t gonna be pullin’ no feng luh stunts here. Been long enough since things gone sideways on this boat. Mal just gotta pull his head out a’ his pi gyu and let us get ta stoppin’ them that want you back from ever getting’ you.” Jayne grumbled.
River came around to sit next to him, her arms slid across his chest as she did. “Captain worries he won’t be able to protect his family, keep us away from harm.”
“Ain’t been a question before. Been havin’ the fight brought to us more than enough. Time we should be bringin’ it back on them.” Jayne brusquely slid the barrel free of its slide, gleam of oil still fresh in the exposed ridges.
“No, has always been the question. Family is all he has, all he cares about…” Jayne stopped his examination of the gun, turned to draw the small woman closer.
“Yer all I got left. Ma’s gone… Mattie done moved ta Three Hills and that’s lookin’ ta have been a choice that’s gettin’ him killed… the rest, well, I ain’t seen or heard from them in a good long while. No yer it, got no one else ta worry on. Mal got no more to lose on that front than I do.” He growled brusquely, not comfortable with saying more.
“Trying to explain why…” She began again.
“Don’t need you or Mal tellin’ me what I need to be worryin’ about. I know I gotta make sure they don’t come fer ya and the best way I know how ta do that is ta take that fight ta them cause runnin’ ain’t worked.” Jayne answered darkly.
“There was only one Doctor that appeared here in our proximity. They will not have a way to know that we were here.” She tried to sooth him.
“They’ll figure it out sometime, better ta stop it now…” He turned to the gun again, clearly trying to remain calm.
“How? How will taking a battle to them end their quest. We cannot stop them all, last time we tried…” Her eyes filled as she remembered the horror of the Reaver battle, the devastation not just to their small crew, but all the ships that had been destroyed in the aerial battle, the thousands of soldiers dead as the battle blew them out of the sky.
“I don’t know!” He barked sharply, hating the uncertainty he was feeling, the lack of being grounded.
“We cannot… we cannot stop them, they will always be looking, trying to find that which they think belongs to them.” River whispered.
Jayne turned back to her, eyes bleak, “I know how to fight. Been doin’ it since I was boy, ain’t never learned nothin’ else. Runnin’ a long time too… Don’t want ya ta have ta be doin’ the same thing fer the rest of yer life…” The words were awkward in his mouth, the sound of concern unfamiliar.
She leaned her forehead to his, “No life has a path determined except for the choices made when the potentials are presented.”
He closed his eyes as she murmured to him, he felt the calm of her voice soothing his desire for something, anything to happen.
“I chose to let the bear lead me to safety when the sky was burned and the road unseen. I want this life with you.” She kissed him lightly on his nose.
“I don’t want this fer ya… never wanted this fer anyone… but I ain’t never lettin’ ya go… even if they come across the ‘verse ta get ya. You ain’t never chose this, this thing they done ta ya and I ain’t gonna let them take ya back cause of it.”
“They took away who she was, replaced her with something new and cold…” River mumbled against his cheek, eyes closed, seeing only what she envisioned. A man-shaped bear rumbled under her hands, blood feeling like liquid fire pulsed at his throat where she nosed closer to smell the smoke, gun oil and man.
Jayne growled distractedly when her breath blew across his skin, concern for Mattie on Three Hills vanished, irritation at the Alliance Doctor appearing in their lives and being dispatched without thought was left behind. Her cool apple flavored sweetness distracted his thinking on anything else. Her quiet balance inflamed his senses to the challenge of warming her perpetually cool touch.
Gently as belied by his coarse exterior, he stroked her cheek, drew her face up to his, met her lips with a brush and a caress of his own. She gasped slightly at the spark of static the ephemeral touch created. Unbidden her eyes brightened, filled.
“No cryin’ now, we’ll do what we gotta do.” He murmured against her mouth, tongue flitting out to chase the words with moist trails on her lips and deepening to taste the appleness of her.
She softened, allowed her body to relax and contract; drawing him closer by melting into the curves of his arms. She already knew the Reavers had come and done their horror to Three Hills; but for now, she allowed her violent husband to draw her softly to him, to lead her down a path where violence was no longer inevitable.
I was lost till you were found
But I never knew how far down
I was falling
Before I reached the bottom
I was cold and you were fire
And I never knew how the pyre
Could be burning
On the edge of the ice field
Series: Finding
Sub-Series: Five Times No
Characters: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Post-BDM, five years later
Disclaimer: Firefly owns me, I own words
Notes: Directly follows Fourth No, Five Times No and is immediately prior to Move from the prompts so kindly, patiently waited for by
bookaddict43 She is the soul of patience! Yes this does lead to the Fifth No, just not yet!!! Lyrics at the end will be building into an arc.All Jayne/River stories are in the same storyline no matter when they appear.
If you have words, share them, please!
In Between
It was after Mal and Jayne had returned to Serenity never having rendezvoused with the rest of the crew. Mal had been half-fuming, half- glad at Jayne’s actions. He had convinced the big man to take the limp doctor off the street before leaving him in an alley. It only twinged at his conscience minorly to have let the merc kill a man in cold blood with no visible provocation.
Mal had to admit to himself that before Miranda he would have stopped Jayne with whatever means available, but the last several years had seen a change in the man. Him and the little Albatross had found some way of finding peace when it seemed like nothing would ever draw Jayne back to himself. Took eight months after Miranda for Mal to see that his big dumb merc weren’t behaving like the lout he had always been. Mal had finally noticed that Jayne had shrunk back from everyone, had stopped engaging outwards like he had. The crude, stupid humor had up and vanished, replaced by vivid anger that the merc drew around him like a cloak.
Now, years later, Mal could allow that Jayne had a connection to River that no one understood. It was enough to make all of them grant that Jayne would know things he shouldn’t by rights know. That doctor from Osiris couldn’t have been on Boros for no reason he figured. A check on the Cortex confirmed Mal’s fears. The Alliance was still seeking those ‘students/subjects’ from years ago; seemed they were trying to find the most promising subjects to see if they were still viable.
Mal didn’t tell Jayne immediately about his discovery. Knew the man would want to hunt down every last Alliance doctor and soldier himself to protect his wife.
Now they were all gathered in the lounge, Jayne with an arm draped over River’s shoulders; Mal knew River could read his thoughts if she wanted to, but he had stopped worrying about it long time past. She rarely lost herself in exploration of other’s minds. She had found her own center by sharing it with Jayne. The Captain snorted when he thought of that. Jayne was the peaceful one for her, where he was still the half-wild killer to everyone else. Two wild souls living on his ship, keeping the rest of them safe through their combined firepower, physical and mental.
“I spent some time on the Cortex… seems our Albatross isn’t as forgotten by them as we had thought. Dr. Strangled Randall was part of a reconnaissance team sent here to find her and bring her in for tests. Seems they think that 5 years is long enough for their ‘students’ to be without observation.”
Jayne and Simon simultaneously reacted.
“They can’t know she is still alive… where she is… we haven’t had a warrant out since, since…” Simon blurted out.
“Ruttin’ hell they’re bringin’ her in… I ain’t lettin’ no one take her back there.” Jayne half-rose, hackles visibly up.
Mal didn’t finish what they all were thinking; no one wanted to set Jayne off. They were en route to Three Hills where Mattie had settled a few years after Ma Cobb had passed, and rumor had it that Reaver ships had been seen in the area. Jayne was already on edge and the cold blooded killing of the Alliance Doctor had made Mal admit that he really didn’t understand the merc as he once had.
“We know that Jayne, let the Captain finish.” Zoë’s calm voice silenced both the agitated men.
“We got ourselves a real conundrum here. Do we hide or do we end this now?” Mal asked, shaking his head as he did, knowing he would never have sought advice before Miranda, before nearly losing everything, again.
River had laid a cool hand on Jayne’s arm, helping to remind him that she was safe where she was.
“There are others… they will be looking for others who they lost.” She spoke quietly, eyes unfocused, going inside her memories and reaching out towards the thoughts she could track.
“Missions where others were thought lost, ran away, were injured and hidden. They are still looking for them. Not just me.” River sat up, eyes became sharp, voice clear and strong, “We must help warn the others.”
Mal raised his hands in a warding off gesture, “No Albatross, we don’t even know where these others are, how are we supposed to warn them?”
“Jayne knew where one was… could lead to others…” River replied.
Mal shot a look at Jayne who was studying his boots carefully. “Jayne?”
“She ain’t wrong… there was one on Persephone.. leastwise there was five years back.”
Zoë sat up sharply, “Jayne, you can’t be thinking on going back there again… near ended you last time…”
“Whoa, wait, what ‘last time’” Mal stuttered, clearly not remembering.
“Sir, when we were repairing Serenity after Mr. Universe’s… Jayne went to get Kaylee some converters… from Mr. Cairo…” Zoë explained.
Mal stood stock still, anger, confusion, and disbelief warring across his expression. “And… wait, let me understand this…largest big bad on Persephone, maybe the Border worlds entire, dealt with Jayne, and Jayne ain’t dead as he is clearly sitting here… care to explain that Jayne?” Mal swung to look at Jayne, arms folded tightly across his chest. The Captain was sorting in his mind the likelihood of losing Serenity and possibly more as payment for the deal with Mr. Cairo. He would rather face Niska again if it came to that.
River looked sharply at Mal, “Comparison is moot… no longer threatens Serenity… past is past, cannot be redone.”
Mal shook his head, confused, “What’s that girl?” He was struggling to get a grasp on the conversation and felt like he was missing critical elements.
“Mr. Cairo is dead Sir,” Zoë helpfully supplied.
“He’s what? When? I ain’t seen no news on the Cortex ‘bout that, conjure that would merit at least one headline…” Mal sputtered.
“Like I said ta Zo back then, we needed the parts, Mr. Cairo had ‘em…” Jayne interrupted, looking at Mal with unconcealed vehemence, “I ain’t done a lot a’ things I’m proud of… that hun dahn owed me fer one a’ them. He weren’t in a mind ta pay… done what I had ta.” Defiance shone through darkened blue eyes.
Mal listened, lips pursed, thoughts racing. Jayne had used an unpaid debt owed him for something other than himself. Definitely a missing element. He warmed up to ask again about why Jayne had a debt owed by Mr. Cairo when River started to explain.
“She was 16, was being trained and found suitable for the mission… she was one of the first.” River started to explain. “He found her, broke her free. Many died, but Jayne found the girl and brought her home. Her father was grateful but unable to pay as he had agreed. He owed a debt that he repaid to allow Serenity to fly again. Repaid in life he had stolen from others… his own.”
“You’re going to have to excuse my skepticism here Jayne, but why? Why use the debt that way.”
“Yer a bigger fool than I ever was if ya don’t know why Mal… honest truth, been here fer long enough doin’ what ya hired me for and more that ya oughta know by now.” Jayne wrenched himself out of the couch and stalked out of the lounge. River watched him go but did not move to follow him. She knew he wanted to steam on his own where he couldn’t cause any harm to anyone on board. Mal and Jayne had continued circling like alpha males trapped in a cage, neither able to step back, pull free despite the passage of years.
“Mal, he was nearly killed by Badger, you were still in the Med Shuttle, and we were as close to gone as we had ever been. We had nothing, nowhere left to go. Jayne did what he needed to do and kept the crew together, kept Serenity together.” Inara explained.
“Near killed… by Badger?” Mal sounded confused, “I know Badger ain’t never forgiven Jayne for breaking his leg, but he still deals as he always has with us… lying and cheating I grant you… but near killed?”
“He was shot Sir, dumped in an alley near as I can recall… made his way back to Serenity, dropped two of Badger’s gunmen when they thought to do me harm.” Zoë said. “Were a near thing getting him to the ship before he bled out. Simon had to transfuse a few pints of blood and plasma to just stabilize him.”
“He was unconscious for two days, I transfused blood from River the first day after repairing the injuries.” Simon continued, “He didn’t respond like he always had, stayed unconscious for two days…”
“New fire added to old… needed time to burn into the pathways…” River spoke softly, eyes downcast on her hands. She was twining them in her skirts draped over her folded legs.
“We all ain’t been the same since Miranda Sir, some of that got nothing to do with nothing except what it meant to be still livin’.” Zoë hesitated for a beat, “But there are things not like that too. River here has been saying it for years, we all just to stubborn or ignorant to hear her I expect.”
Mal listened to his First Mate, his eyes softening as he considered her loss that even years later had left a permanent memory of pain for her. Most days she was herself, but some days, it still haunted her. He knew that and had no tools to help her even now. He could only listen when she talked, know that she knew more than him on most topics, felt more than him despite appearances.
“Captain, if I may,” Simon gently interrupted Zoë, “I believe there is a deeper problem here than the death of Mr. Cairo and Jayne trading a debt for the ship… River is whose blood I have to use when he needs any. With his predilection for being injured… shot… he has had some transfusions… the factors in her blood are negatively bonded to….”
“Doc, what are you sayin’? Tell me clear, don’t need no Med Academy lecture now.” Mal interrupted brusquely.
Simon shook his head in frustration, “Yes, you do. River’s blood was altered, her bone marrow had genetic material inserted in order to increase red blood cell production, enhance it as well, and I haven’t been able to backtrack to what they did completely. It is incredibly hard to separate the new coding changes from the old and it gets harder every day as the changes become more entrenched. Other work done in the Academy added to that, changed some of her metabolic pathways. You may have noticed she gets no illnesses, none of the infections we all sometimes succumb to. She has superior red blood cell activity, more stamina, better ability to heal and supplies blood to her body more efficiently when she needs it.”
“And you’re saying that it has affected Jayne?” Mal finished for him.
“Yes. I am not sure how, I haven’t been able to isolate what exactly has changed, but there are definite alterations in his system.” Simon replied, more irritated with himself than anything else.
Mal paced, hand brusquely brushing hair back off his forehead, clearly frustrated.
Inara sitting quietly at the table, cupping a warm mug in her hands softly asked Simon, “Has it gotten worse?”
Simon looked at her, miserable expression in his eyes, “Yes, he is getting more erratic in his test results. It is like his DNA is being rewritten each time I take a sample. I would try some of the drugs I used on River to stabilize her early on, but I don’t think it would help… in fact they may make him worse. Except with River his aggression response has worsened, adrenaline levels are almost always elevated. And dopamine levels…”
“Doc, care to explain that in plain words?” Zoë interjected quietly, watching her Captain working himself up.
Simon sat up self-consciously, straightening himself, “Well… in most of us we have a baseline level of adrenaline, a system stimulant you could say. Fight or flight response is fired by it. Usually we don’t have it in significant levels to cause any distress, only when threatened, angry, or are in a heightened state of arousal due to fear or whatever.” He paused for a moment, all eyes except River’s on him. “Jayne always has it. There is never a time where he isn’t prepared chemically for a fight. And in him, the aggressor response is stronger than the flight response.”
“He will fight… fights even he need not… dreams of shifting winds and red waves fill the nights.” River added miserably.
Simon looked at his sister, concerned at that, “He has nightmares? He never said anything about that when I ask him how is sleeping…”
River nodded, shoulders sagging, “He doesn’t want me to know, wants to keep them from hurting me… doesn’t know that the hiding of them is just as painful.”
Mal had stopped his pacing, stood behind Inara, his hands resting on her shoulders; either comforting himself or her, “Alliance made your sister into a weapon, didn’t expect their work to be passed on to someone else second hand. We got ourselves a bit of a problem.” Mal said heavily.
“Sir, if the Alliance is out looking for their former ‘students’ what’s to stop them from seeing the vid feeds where we may have been less than lucky on avoiding their monitoring… who knows if they may have gotten wind of unexpected results…”
Mal looked at Zoë bleakly, eyes darkening with realization. Inara reached up to take one of his hands in hers, trying to comfort him.
Kaylee stuttered out, “I don’t understand? What would the Alliance see?”
“Jayne.” River answered softly.
~*~ ~*~
Mal and Zoë sat in companionable silence on the bridge, dinosaurs ranged across both consoles. Years had soothed some of the aches of loss for Zoë.
“You think we are going to have trouble come down on us?” Zoë asked in the quiet.
“When doesn’t it.” Mal replied wryly.
“Truth be told there Sir.”
“We got us some mighty interesting folks on our crew… not saying I want that to change, but things woulda flowed a bit smoother if we didn’t.” Mal continued.
Zoë chuckled slightly at that, “No Sir, I don’t expect they would have. Seems the ‘verse has a sense of humor.”
Mal looked over at his First Mate, “You’re the soul of optimism aren’t you?”
Zoë smiled back at him, too many years of being honest with each other to start lying now, “Yes Sir, always looking at the bright side.”
Mal nodded and grunted noncommittally.
~*~ ~*~
“Man no longer trapped by the exterior expression of boy.” River slid her arms over Jayne’s shoulders later that night while he was cleaning his old favorite, the LeMat. When he pulled her out to disassemble without having used her on a job, River knew he was mulling over things.
He grunted noncommittally in response.
“They are frightened, see the bear dwelling in the heart. Wonder if he will break free and make you mad.” She continued, arms grasping lightly across his chest.
“They oughta know by now I ain’t gonna be pullin’ no feng luh stunts here. Been long enough since things gone sideways on this boat. Mal just gotta pull his head out a’ his pi gyu and let us get ta stoppin’ them that want you back from ever getting’ you.” Jayne grumbled.
River came around to sit next to him, her arms slid across his chest as she did. “Captain worries he won’t be able to protect his family, keep us away from harm.”
“Ain’t been a question before. Been havin’ the fight brought to us more than enough. Time we should be bringin’ it back on them.” Jayne brusquely slid the barrel free of its slide, gleam of oil still fresh in the exposed ridges.
“No, has always been the question. Family is all he has, all he cares about…” Jayne stopped his examination of the gun, turned to draw the small woman closer.
“Yer all I got left. Ma’s gone… Mattie done moved ta Three Hills and that’s lookin’ ta have been a choice that’s gettin’ him killed… the rest, well, I ain’t seen or heard from them in a good long while. No yer it, got no one else ta worry on. Mal got no more to lose on that front than I do.” He growled brusquely, not comfortable with saying more.
“Trying to explain why…” She began again.
“Don’t need you or Mal tellin’ me what I need to be worryin’ about. I know I gotta make sure they don’t come fer ya and the best way I know how ta do that is ta take that fight ta them cause runnin’ ain’t worked.” Jayne answered darkly.
“There was only one Doctor that appeared here in our proximity. They will not have a way to know that we were here.” She tried to sooth him.
“They’ll figure it out sometime, better ta stop it now…” He turned to the gun again, clearly trying to remain calm.
“How? How will taking a battle to them end their quest. We cannot stop them all, last time we tried…” Her eyes filled as she remembered the horror of the Reaver battle, the devastation not just to their small crew, but all the ships that had been destroyed in the aerial battle, the thousands of soldiers dead as the battle blew them out of the sky.
“I don’t know!” He barked sharply, hating the uncertainty he was feeling, the lack of being grounded.
“We cannot… we cannot stop them, they will always be looking, trying to find that which they think belongs to them.” River whispered.
Jayne turned back to her, eyes bleak, “I know how to fight. Been doin’ it since I was boy, ain’t never learned nothin’ else. Runnin’ a long time too… Don’t want ya ta have ta be doin’ the same thing fer the rest of yer life…” The words were awkward in his mouth, the sound of concern unfamiliar.
She leaned her forehead to his, “No life has a path determined except for the choices made when the potentials are presented.”
He closed his eyes as she murmured to him, he felt the calm of her voice soothing his desire for something, anything to happen.
“I chose to let the bear lead me to safety when the sky was burned and the road unseen. I want this life with you.” She kissed him lightly on his nose.
“I don’t want this fer ya… never wanted this fer anyone… but I ain’t never lettin’ ya go… even if they come across the ‘verse ta get ya. You ain’t never chose this, this thing they done ta ya and I ain’t gonna let them take ya back cause of it.”
“They took away who she was, replaced her with something new and cold…” River mumbled against his cheek, eyes closed, seeing only what she envisioned. A man-shaped bear rumbled under her hands, blood feeling like liquid fire pulsed at his throat where she nosed closer to smell the smoke, gun oil and man.
Jayne growled distractedly when her breath blew across his skin, concern for Mattie on Three Hills vanished, irritation at the Alliance Doctor appearing in their lives and being dispatched without thought was left behind. Her cool apple flavored sweetness distracted his thinking on anything else. Her quiet balance inflamed his senses to the challenge of warming her perpetually cool touch.
Gently as belied by his coarse exterior, he stroked her cheek, drew her face up to his, met her lips with a brush and a caress of his own. She gasped slightly at the spark of static the ephemeral touch created. Unbidden her eyes brightened, filled.
“No cryin’ now, we’ll do what we gotta do.” He murmured against her mouth, tongue flitting out to chase the words with moist trails on her lips and deepening to taste the appleness of her.
She softened, allowed her body to relax and contract; drawing him closer by melting into the curves of his arms. She already knew the Reavers had come and done their horror to Three Hills; but for now, she allowed her violent husband to draw her softly to him, to lead her down a path where violence was no longer inevitable.
I was lost till you were found
But I never knew how far down
I was falling
Before I reached the bottom
I was cold and you were fire
And I never knew how the pyre
Could be burning
On the edge of the ice field