Fanfiction: I Desire, I Feel
Title: I Desire, I Feel
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Zacharias Smith and Susan Bones
Prompt: Birthday
Word Count: 1783
Rating: PG13
Summary: Zacharias never believed in Divination. It was all a bunch of philosophical nonsense, but Susan was dedicated to that rubbish. It helped her forget she was supposed to be hurting.
Author’s Notes: Concentrates on the Zodiac. You don’t have to be familiar with it.
“Why can’t you use someone else? Justin probably likes this sort of thing.”
Susan’s smile didn’t waver as she set a battered copy of Unfogging the Future on the desk. Pushing her chair closer, she motioned for Zacharias to sit across from her. “I’ve already read Justin’s sign, and Eleanor shared his. I need someone different. It won’t kill you. You don’t even have Quidditch practice today. Please?”
She had a natural gift in convincing him to do things he didn’t even want to do. It had to be some sort of magic only witches could perform, something dormant that couldn’t be described. Whatever it was, it convinced him to sit down in the seat opposite, sighing heavily and leaning into his palms. “What do I have to do?”
“We’ve talking about astrology, and using it to predict the future. Not so far, of course. Professor Trelawney says we won’t get into real details until our last year. Anyways…” Fingers flipped through the pages, but the boy across from her looked less than thrilled at her enthusiasm.
When he had been at the end of his second year choosing his classes, Divination seemed to be the most useless. Nothing but philosophical nonsense, finding horrible omens in tealeaves and looking to the stars for how they would find love. Bollocks, the lot of it.
“Your birthday’s the 30th October.” Zacharias shrugged, indifferent to it all, as she found the page she’d been searching for. “You were born under the sign Scorpio.”
“So, is that good or bad?”
Laughing a little behind her hand, as if it were such a stupid question to ask, Susan explained, “There’s nothing good or bad about this. It’s about seeing into your future. You’re fixed in the Water sign, ruled by Pluto and Mars.”
His arms crossed, agitated already with how incredibly obscure the information was. “What’s all that supposed to mean?”
“It has to do with how you behave,” answered Susan.
A laugh escaped before he could stop himself. “Oh please. You are the way you are, and it’s got nothing to do with Mars or whatever being in some kind of alignment.”
Susan sighed slightly, not unused to her friend’s lack of respect in the subject she was trying desperately to keep up in to achieve a satisfactory exam result. Zacharias preferred practical courses, something that could actually make sense, and there was no way Divination trumped History of Magic.
“How about reading your health first?” It wasn’t so much of a real question as it was her leading him away from his whining. Flipping back and forth between her astrological chart and zodiac pages, she looked up to study his face. “It says here, your future health is going to be determined on your paying attention to your dreams. What have you been dreaming about lately?”
Dreams were not something he spent a lot of time concerning over, and they certainly weren’t something he felt like sharing with others. “The usual,” he dropped, not resisting the urge to be slightly sardonic. “Helping Gryffindor win the Quidditch Cup, thinking of ways to woo Sally-Anne back, and becoming Rita Skeeter’s new apprentice reporter. What do you think?”
She wasn’t amused. “I really need to make good N.E.W.T.s in this subject.”
“But what difference does it make, Susan? You could tell me that the stars say I’m going to live to be one hundred and thirty, but that doesn’t actually tell me anything. You know why? All of it’s about guessing. Nothing to do with proof. One bad nightmare, and suddenly I’m coughing my lungs out? No thanks, I’ll stick to seeing it for myself.”
As he finished his tangent, Susan’s lips pursed in tightly, and Zacharias suddenly grasped he’d been horribly cross with her. “It’s not about that,” she stressed, trying to keep calm in the face of his abrasiveness. She was too patient. “It’s about realising you’re not always in control of yourself, of your life. You don’t even have to believe in it. It’s just a theory, Zacharias.”
He wanted to say more, say that she was wrong. Say that he could control everything that would ever happen to him. But, instead, he shifted further into his chair, and prompted, “Well, go on then.”
“Okay.” She didn’t smile again, and he started to worry if he’d somehow offended her. “Your dreams determine your health not because of physical symptoms, but how you feel. You need to learn to let go. Good dreams designate you’ll let go of any repression, of jealousy or resentment.”
It had been impossible to hide from Susan the blame he directed to Harry Potter, the blame for everything that was happening to the wizarding world. Not only Cedric’s death, but also the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But she didn’t know how he dreamed of darkly cloaked figures, aiming deadly wands in his way. How he woke up in sweat, and fear that one day he would discover it wasn’t a dream at all.
Rolling his shoulders back, he pressed, “So, what does that say about me?”
“Well, Scorpio’s are known for their willpower,” Susan said. “Does that sound like you? Private. Secretive. Dynamic. Forceful.”
Zacharias’ face was still as rock. “That could describe anyone.”
Silence rested between them as she studied the horoscope charts again, like somehow there rested the secret message to everything that was vague about the subject. “30 October. This year, you’re going to start feeling overwhelmed.”
“Really, the charts told you that? Couldn’t possibly be about You-Know-Who being out there, could it?”
“You’ll pull through it,” Susan assured, but did not distinct between reading from the stars and pulling from her own gut feeling. She knew him too well. “You’re difficult, but you also know when to stop yourself. You’re self-restrained. In fact, I think you even enjoyed the D.A., and you don’t hate Harry as much as you come across. I suppose you might even respect him, really.”
“He took Remedial Potions.” Nothing else needed to be said. Only loons and nitwits had to take Remedial courses, and sometimes he thought Potter qualified for both categories.
Susan didn’t refute, or take her eyes from the charts. “You’re ruled by the pelvis region, and sex plays an important part for people like you.” Zacharias’ eyes widened, shocked Susan would bring a new conversation like that. He couldn’t dare to think talking about something like sex with her. Ever.
He hardly even knew how to respond. “Er…Well, that has nothing to do with…Cho and I never even-”
Across the table, her cheeks flushed as she laughed heartily into her hand. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s just in the book, and it’s supposed to be an indicator into what your love life will be like this year.”
“Well, the book is full of shite,” Zacharias snapped, crossly. He and Cho never got far enough to even think about it. Or at least he never had the opportunity to discuss it with her. Besides, Hogwarts was a prestigious boarding school. Not liking any of them had an opportunity for privacy, anyways. It didn’t matter whether he wanted it or not.
“Are you all right?” She was always so concerned over him, but remained the only one who cared that everything with Cho Chang had fallen apart. “With what happened?”
Zacharias shrugged, but bit the inside of his cheek. “Fine. I’d say the chart missed that mark, don’t you think?”
“I’m not really sure how to read this part.” Susan squinted harder at the charts, eyes flipping between the small darts on the parchment. “Love life and finance, I have all the trouble with. I couldn’t read Justin’s, either. Both professors have explained, but it’s so much more precise than an overview.”
All for the better, Zacharias thought. Susan was his friend, and he liked her advice, but she was too much of a busybody for her own good that year. Ever since her Aunt’s death, she threw herself into fixing other people’s problems. She cared too much. “You didn’t talk about sex with Justin, did you?”
“Pisces rules the feet,” she explained, not being rid of her smile. “He thought it was funny, and admitted to being ticklish there.”
Rolling his eyes to the top of his head, Zacharias tried to forget what he had heard. “So, if you believe all this, what does it say about you? You going to strike it rich, or come down with Dragon Pox? Did you ever think about that?”
The grin on her face disappeared. “Of course I did. We always try to figure our own futures first. I’m Cancer, 2nd of July.” Like it was so obvious.
“What does that mean?”
“It means this is all really important to me,” she stressed, not for the first time since she’d begged him to be a test subject. Her shoulders heaved a little, and colour seemed to drain from her face. It was like some sort of barrier had been lifted. “It wasn’t always, but last year when we tried learning the charts, the professor told me it predicted something terrible would happen. I would have to go through some troubling times. Then Auntie died.”
Zacharias said, sympathetically, “Susan, that doesn’t have anything to do with-”
“How do you know?” she asked, getting more emotional with each word. “You think what happens just happens, and we have absolute influence over everything we have to live through. You won’t even consider that something bigger might be in charge, because you’re afraid you won’t be able to stop it.”
He blinked twice, stunned for a second at how sad and accusing her tone suddenly was. She was too sensitive. “What? You’re saying that if you believed this earlier, you think you could have stopped You-Know-Who? Or because you missed the message, you’re going to try and stop our problems by trying to predict our futures? You’re not stupid, Susan. Why don’t you think straight?”
In her chair, Susan Bones’ eyes swelled with water, and she slammed her book shut. In a matter unlike Zacharias had seen her act in months, she rushed off towards the girls’ dormitories.
Casting off the looks he was receiving from a couple of students in the common room, Zacharias determined it had been only a matter of time before his friend crashed under the weight of her own troubles. Nothing to do except give her time to cry it out. Their friendship had survived worse.
It had nothing to do with stupid stars and futile fortunes. The faster Susan faced what had happened, the faster she’d get better. What sort of good came from looking for a solution in the sky?
--
I apologize for any Americanisms and grammatical errors. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Zacharias Smith and Susan Bones
Prompt: Birthday
Word Count: 1783
Rating: PG13
Summary: Zacharias never believed in Divination. It was all a bunch of philosophical nonsense, but Susan was dedicated to that rubbish. It helped her forget she was supposed to be hurting.
Author’s Notes: Concentrates on the Zodiac. You don’t have to be familiar with it.
“Why can’t you use someone else? Justin probably likes this sort of thing.”
Susan’s smile didn’t waver as she set a battered copy of Unfogging the Future on the desk. Pushing her chair closer, she motioned for Zacharias to sit across from her. “I’ve already read Justin’s sign, and Eleanor shared his. I need someone different. It won’t kill you. You don’t even have Quidditch practice today. Please?”
She had a natural gift in convincing him to do things he didn’t even want to do. It had to be some sort of magic only witches could perform, something dormant that couldn’t be described. Whatever it was, it convinced him to sit down in the seat opposite, sighing heavily and leaning into his palms. “What do I have to do?”
“We’ve talking about astrology, and using it to predict the future. Not so far, of course. Professor Trelawney says we won’t get into real details until our last year. Anyways…” Fingers flipped through the pages, but the boy across from her looked less than thrilled at her enthusiasm.
When he had been at the end of his second year choosing his classes, Divination seemed to be the most useless. Nothing but philosophical nonsense, finding horrible omens in tealeaves and looking to the stars for how they would find love. Bollocks, the lot of it.
“Your birthday’s the 30th October.” Zacharias shrugged, indifferent to it all, as she found the page she’d been searching for. “You were born under the sign Scorpio.”
“So, is that good or bad?”
Laughing a little behind her hand, as if it were such a stupid question to ask, Susan explained, “There’s nothing good or bad about this. It’s about seeing into your future. You’re fixed in the Water sign, ruled by Pluto and Mars.”
His arms crossed, agitated already with how incredibly obscure the information was. “What’s all that supposed to mean?”
“It has to do with how you behave,” answered Susan.
A laugh escaped before he could stop himself. “Oh please. You are the way you are, and it’s got nothing to do with Mars or whatever being in some kind of alignment.”
Susan sighed slightly, not unused to her friend’s lack of respect in the subject she was trying desperately to keep up in to achieve a satisfactory exam result. Zacharias preferred practical courses, something that could actually make sense, and there was no way Divination trumped History of Magic.
“How about reading your health first?” It wasn’t so much of a real question as it was her leading him away from his whining. Flipping back and forth between her astrological chart and zodiac pages, she looked up to study his face. “It says here, your future health is going to be determined on your paying attention to your dreams. What have you been dreaming about lately?”
Dreams were not something he spent a lot of time concerning over, and they certainly weren’t something he felt like sharing with others. “The usual,” he dropped, not resisting the urge to be slightly sardonic. “Helping Gryffindor win the Quidditch Cup, thinking of ways to woo Sally-Anne back, and becoming Rita Skeeter’s new apprentice reporter. What do you think?”
She wasn’t amused. “I really need to make good N.E.W.T.s in this subject.”
“But what difference does it make, Susan? You could tell me that the stars say I’m going to live to be one hundred and thirty, but that doesn’t actually tell me anything. You know why? All of it’s about guessing. Nothing to do with proof. One bad nightmare, and suddenly I’m coughing my lungs out? No thanks, I’ll stick to seeing it for myself.”
As he finished his tangent, Susan’s lips pursed in tightly, and Zacharias suddenly grasped he’d been horribly cross with her. “It’s not about that,” she stressed, trying to keep calm in the face of his abrasiveness. She was too patient. “It’s about realising you’re not always in control of yourself, of your life. You don’t even have to believe in it. It’s just a theory, Zacharias.”
He wanted to say more, say that she was wrong. Say that he could control everything that would ever happen to him. But, instead, he shifted further into his chair, and prompted, “Well, go on then.”
“Okay.” She didn’t smile again, and he started to worry if he’d somehow offended her. “Your dreams determine your health not because of physical symptoms, but how you feel. You need to learn to let go. Good dreams designate you’ll let go of any repression, of jealousy or resentment.”
It had been impossible to hide from Susan the blame he directed to Harry Potter, the blame for everything that was happening to the wizarding world. Not only Cedric’s death, but also the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. But she didn’t know how he dreamed of darkly cloaked figures, aiming deadly wands in his way. How he woke up in sweat, and fear that one day he would discover it wasn’t a dream at all.
Rolling his shoulders back, he pressed, “So, what does that say about me?”
“Well, Scorpio’s are known for their willpower,” Susan said. “Does that sound like you? Private. Secretive. Dynamic. Forceful.”
Zacharias’ face was still as rock. “That could describe anyone.”
Silence rested between them as she studied the horoscope charts again, like somehow there rested the secret message to everything that was vague about the subject. “30 October. This year, you’re going to start feeling overwhelmed.”
“Really, the charts told you that? Couldn’t possibly be about You-Know-Who being out there, could it?”
“You’ll pull through it,” Susan assured, but did not distinct between reading from the stars and pulling from her own gut feeling. She knew him too well. “You’re difficult, but you also know when to stop yourself. You’re self-restrained. In fact, I think you even enjoyed the D.A., and you don’t hate Harry as much as you come across. I suppose you might even respect him, really.”
“He took Remedial Potions.” Nothing else needed to be said. Only loons and nitwits had to take Remedial courses, and sometimes he thought Potter qualified for both categories.
Susan didn’t refute, or take her eyes from the charts. “You’re ruled by the pelvis region, and sex plays an important part for people like you.” Zacharias’ eyes widened, shocked Susan would bring a new conversation like that. He couldn’t dare to think talking about something like sex with her. Ever.
He hardly even knew how to respond. “Er…Well, that has nothing to do with…Cho and I never even-”
Across the table, her cheeks flushed as she laughed heartily into her hand. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s just in the book, and it’s supposed to be an indicator into what your love life will be like this year.”
“Well, the book is full of shite,” Zacharias snapped, crossly. He and Cho never got far enough to even think about it. Or at least he never had the opportunity to discuss it with her. Besides, Hogwarts was a prestigious boarding school. Not liking any of them had an opportunity for privacy, anyways. It didn’t matter whether he wanted it or not.
“Are you all right?” She was always so concerned over him, but remained the only one who cared that everything with Cho Chang had fallen apart. “With what happened?”
Zacharias shrugged, but bit the inside of his cheek. “Fine. I’d say the chart missed that mark, don’t you think?”
“I’m not really sure how to read this part.” Susan squinted harder at the charts, eyes flipping between the small darts on the parchment. “Love life and finance, I have all the trouble with. I couldn’t read Justin’s, either. Both professors have explained, but it’s so much more precise than an overview.”
All for the better, Zacharias thought. Susan was his friend, and he liked her advice, but she was too much of a busybody for her own good that year. Ever since her Aunt’s death, she threw herself into fixing other people’s problems. She cared too much. “You didn’t talk about sex with Justin, did you?”
“Pisces rules the feet,” she explained, not being rid of her smile. “He thought it was funny, and admitted to being ticklish there.”
Rolling his eyes to the top of his head, Zacharias tried to forget what he had heard. “So, if you believe all this, what does it say about you? You going to strike it rich, or come down with Dragon Pox? Did you ever think about that?”
The grin on her face disappeared. “Of course I did. We always try to figure our own futures first. I’m Cancer, 2nd of July.” Like it was so obvious.
“What does that mean?”
“It means this is all really important to me,” she stressed, not for the first time since she’d begged him to be a test subject. Her shoulders heaved a little, and colour seemed to drain from her face. It was like some sort of barrier had been lifted. “It wasn’t always, but last year when we tried learning the charts, the professor told me it predicted something terrible would happen. I would have to go through some troubling times. Then Auntie died.”
Zacharias said, sympathetically, “Susan, that doesn’t have anything to do with-”
“How do you know?” she asked, getting more emotional with each word. “You think what happens just happens, and we have absolute influence over everything we have to live through. You won’t even consider that something bigger might be in charge, because you’re afraid you won’t be able to stop it.”
He blinked twice, stunned for a second at how sad and accusing her tone suddenly was. She was too sensitive. “What? You’re saying that if you believed this earlier, you think you could have stopped You-Know-Who? Or because you missed the message, you’re going to try and stop our problems by trying to predict our futures? You’re not stupid, Susan. Why don’t you think straight?”
In her chair, Susan Bones’ eyes swelled with water, and she slammed her book shut. In a matter unlike Zacharias had seen her act in months, she rushed off towards the girls’ dormitories.
Casting off the looks he was receiving from a couple of students in the common room, Zacharias determined it had been only a matter of time before his friend crashed under the weight of her own troubles. Nothing to do except give her time to cry it out. Their friendship had survived worse.
It had nothing to do with stupid stars and futile fortunes. The faster Susan faced what had happened, the faster she’d get better. What sort of good came from looking for a solution in the sky?
--
I apologize for any Americanisms and grammatical errors. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling.