Lost; Onew/Key
Lost
cerixxe
1,589 words (Onew/Key)
Angst, Romance; PG
Beta: 2pmconspiracy
Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own SHINee. SME does.
Summary: The manager wills Jinki to turn into a stop, and it’s not like he could.
A/N: for crazyoverbishie Unnie :) Because I promised you, and I hope I wouldn’t fail you. I was intending to write JongHo for you, but then I couldn’t get the plot right for it. So I did this instead xD also for 7thmin just so you would know that it is ME! :)
Jinki’s lost. More than anyone else in the group, he really is, and he had always been affirmative.
That’s why when Jinki gets pulled aside by the manager one moment, Minho sits close by and pretends not to lend an unwanted ear to the whispered confrontation; causing the leader to try not to fulfill his urgent need of punching someone right in the face.
“I thought we talked about this.” Was it the third time? Jinki thinks, deflecting his sight from the manager who was towering before him. “I told you to be discreet.”
I am being discreet. He held the inappropriate urge to argue - In every possible way I am, he would even add - but finds himself apologizing instead. “It won’t happen again.”
The manager asking him to promise this would have been fatal, would have made him sling his clenched fist straight up, because he couldn’t do something to unwillingly tie himself down - it’ll kill him inside - and fortunately he didn’t have to. Because the man just nods, once again in trust, and walks out the door after reminders.
“Hyung.” His voice had been Jinki’s oasis throughout this restrained order. Even though Kibum wasn’t directly speaking to him during the period, Jinki couldn’t help but fall deeper into something - something only the manger and Minho knows that he refused to be oblivious of, wanted to happen, to fill in that harrowing scarcity, yet he can’t. Because the manager said so.
(Minho had wondered once, “Why do you even have to tell manger-hyung when you don’t really have to?” then Jinki replied the first thing that hit his mouth without thinking, “Because at the same time I am in love, I have to protect the one thing that allows me to stand on stage and sing.”)
“Jinki-hyung, is there a problem?” he returns to reality when he felt the seat beside him sink in. Kibum reached for his hand and though he wanted to touch him so badly, Jinki crosses his arms in surrender.
He doesn’t look yet senses the younger’s face cringe at him, clearly there is. “Problem about what?”
“Me.” Was the non-hesitant reply, “You haven’t talked to me at all outside broadcast. Not once.”
Kibum just observes as the eldest glances away, staring longingly at the clouds surrounding the plane, as if he heeded to be among them. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Kibum-ah. I’m just tired.”
Clearly there is. “Fine.” Kibum drops it, snapping his head aside, retreating away to fight the urge to kick him. This is definitely not the time to deal with an egotistical leader.
Minho just watched the scene unfold in front of him, ending with Jinki’s deep gazes trailing after Kibum, hand clutching as if to unwillingly force audacity to overcome and prevent him from calling Kibum back. Jinki could only hate himself.
He had been finding himself off guard, paying attention to everything that’s happening around Kibum, and it seizes him that why - why him out of everyone else, can’t do the one thing he had ever wanted.
It was ever since the manager noticed, the essence of Jinki lingering on Kibum is contrary to how it had before. Because now when Jinki looks at him, he gazes. When he speaks to him, it’s his heart that does. When he touches him, he doesn’t let go at once. And when he’s with him, it felt like forever.
“Save the group.” The manager told him, large hands gripping on an arm. “Protect them, the dreams the five of you built, don’t let those selfish feelings of yours crush everything. Like the leader you are, sacrifice.” Then he almost gets hauled out to the stage, caustic words ringing in his head as if hypnotizing him. He puts on that mask, Onew - reflexively as the lights hovered above, adrenaline highs catching up.
Giving off that signature smile on Onew’s face - Jinki dies alone somewhere, because he had just been told, sacrifice that love you feel for Kibum. Face reality and don’t look back. But then again,
Kibum is my reality.
Jinki sighs as he focused on Minho limping towards him, Jonghyun dragging himself away after literally shoving Minho out his face - and that’s another story, unlikely to tell.
“You can’t go on like that.” Jinki starts when the rapper settles beside him on the couch, “You can’t let Jonghyun bitch around when you’re hurt.”
It surprises Minho that Jinki is surprised when the rapper practically laughed in his face. “You’re one to talk, Hyung.” He chuckles, the leader’s head snapping onto him, oblivious as he is to most things but Kibum. “We’re basically in the same situation, Hyung. Them bitching around like you say, and us being hurt.”
He wants to rip the stupid smile off the younger’s lips. How could he do that when the matter was nothing worth smiling for? “Though still, Hyung, we’re very different.”
Jinki meets the similar stare, connecting with something inside him that’s anxiously familiar. In what way? he hopes to compensate. And the smile Minho has falters further.
“At least Jonghyun-hyung knows that I’m hurting because of him. Because I feel for him. It’s different from how Kibum knows what you have for him, yet he doesn’t know at the same time.”
And that only makes things worse than it already is.
So when he sees Jonghyun try to kiss Kibum during their first win for Lucifer, and Taemin does the same the next day, Onew does nothing else but smile - while Jinki grieves alone.
He gravely notices Kibum making way for moments to be spent with Jinki, but Jinki responds erratically; heart skipping a couple beats, runs faster, and still he shouldn’t care. Even as the younger somehow manages to wave Jonghyun away from trying to moderately assault him, and willingly sits himself beside Jinki on the plane to Japan, he prays that these feelings would just go away.
Because when that happens, that smile wouldn’t do so many things to him, nor would a slight touch make him perceive eternity. Because when that happens, he protects shining SHINee, and he sacrifices, like the leader he is.
Because when that happens, no one gets hurt - or at least that’s what he believes.
Maybe it’s been two whole hours that he’s been lying awake on his hotel bed. Jonghyun’s sleep-singing again, yet it wasn’t noise to Jinki’s contemplation. Instinctively his sub-conscious would regard such things like it’s a part of nature.
His thoughts wander further, float onto somewhere he couldn’t exactly decipher, though he felt like it was nowhere outside his dreams. For some reason he falls into conceiving about the same worries that run through each and every sleepless night, since his dreams were the only place that he could touch Kibum freely.
Jinki finds himself stepping out onto the balcony a few moments later; eyes fixated on star impaled skies, though he couldn’t find anything admirable about it. His eyes become hazy of images, memories taken from when he wouldn’t have to hold back his thriving heart, amplifying onto something - something closer to love, a love he’d never had before and questions are asked yet again. “Should I just give up?”
“Giving up is entirely different from letting go.” He hears a voice whisper closely. “Yeah I know, but-“ Jinki shuffles away wide-eyed, “Kibum! When- How- What-… what the heck are you doing here?!”
Seeing Kibum laugh softly, made him cringe, why did he ever show up at a time like this. “Whaaat? We have connected rooms.” He informs a matter of fact-ly, gesturing to move Jinki away from the railing edges.
It took him one minute of ridiculous laughter, twelve hits in between, a smile, and if his guards were strong enough to endure, he wouldn’t be sitting there with Kibum. It’s not something the manager could control, there was nothing he could do when a simple smile could make Jinki’s world seem as though pain does not exist.
“So-“ Kibum starts again after calming down, “Why are you still awake?” the leader winces, folding hands on his lap. “Thinking. That’s all.” And it was inadequate.
“I should be asking you the same question though.” Jinki turns to say, lips altering into one line out of hidden irrelevancy.
“Would it be scratchy if I tell you I was thinking about you?” Jinki can’t help but remember that one time when both of them were like this, alone, sitting alongside each other, and staring. Because that one time caused staring to transform into something else - that one thing which made Jinki realize what he had, all this time. He had been keeping it inside, letting the question hang in the air.
Because as Kibum leaned a little closer, Jinki knew that now is a whole new world from what it was then. “No. Not at all.”
Because as Kibum pressed a smile onto his lips, it’s as if the train he had been waiting for pulls up, opens its doors for him, and attractively pulls him in. Suddenly he doesn’t care whether someone gets the remaining good out of him, or think of anything else apart from this.
Though he had been lost all this time, attempting to catch a glimpse of castles in the air, now he is able to grasps onto something more real just because.
I had wandered in search of you, and now you give me the reason as to why I had been waiting. Though I’m still lost, now I’m lost with you.
** I do not really get it how I was able to finish this one - somehow. I do not even know if it made sense. The title is the result of my complete irrelevancy these days, because it was supposed to be 'Castles In the Air' but then I thought it.is.laaame.and cheesy to note actually. Not the first time I’m writing anything, but I’m considering it. Haha! Comments would be very much loved :)
To 2pmconspiracy: are you even reading this?? :O because you’re the only one who knows, and am I practically dropping off the-you-know-what? gah!
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cerixxe
1,589 words (Onew/Key)
Angst, Romance; PG
Beta: 2pmconspiracy
Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own SHINee. SME does.
Summary: The manager wills Jinki to turn into a stop, and it’s not like he could.
A/N: for crazyoverbishie Unnie :) Because I promised you, and I hope I wouldn’t fail you. I was intending to write JongHo for you, but then I couldn’t get the plot right for it. So I did this instead xD also for 7thmin just so you would know that it is ME! :)
Jinki’s lost. More than anyone else in the group, he really is, and he had always been affirmative.
That’s why when Jinki gets pulled aside by the manager one moment, Minho sits close by and pretends not to lend an unwanted ear to the whispered confrontation; causing the leader to try not to fulfill his urgent need of punching someone right in the face.
“I thought we talked about this.” Was it the third time? Jinki thinks, deflecting his sight from the manager who was towering before him. “I told you to be discreet.”
I am being discreet. He held the inappropriate urge to argue - In every possible way I am, he would even add - but finds himself apologizing instead. “It won’t happen again.”
The manager asking him to promise this would have been fatal, would have made him sling his clenched fist straight up, because he couldn’t do something to unwillingly tie himself down - it’ll kill him inside - and fortunately he didn’t have to. Because the man just nods, once again in trust, and walks out the door after reminders.
“Hyung.” His voice had been Jinki’s oasis throughout this restrained order. Even though Kibum wasn’t directly speaking to him during the period, Jinki couldn’t help but fall deeper into something - something only the manger and Minho knows that he refused to be oblivious of, wanted to happen, to fill in that harrowing scarcity, yet he can’t. Because the manager said so.
(Minho had wondered once, “Why do you even have to tell manger-hyung when you don’t really have to?” then Jinki replied the first thing that hit his mouth without thinking, “Because at the same time I am in love, I have to protect the one thing that allows me to stand on stage and sing.”)
“Jinki-hyung, is there a problem?” he returns to reality when he felt the seat beside him sink in. Kibum reached for his hand and though he wanted to touch him so badly, Jinki crosses his arms in surrender.
He doesn’t look yet senses the younger’s face cringe at him, clearly there is. “Problem about what?”
“Me.” Was the non-hesitant reply, “You haven’t talked to me at all outside broadcast. Not once.”
Kibum just observes as the eldest glances away, staring longingly at the clouds surrounding the plane, as if he heeded to be among them. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Kibum-ah. I’m just tired.”
Clearly there is. “Fine.” Kibum drops it, snapping his head aside, retreating away to fight the urge to kick him. This is definitely not the time to deal with an egotistical leader.
Minho just watched the scene unfold in front of him, ending with Jinki’s deep gazes trailing after Kibum, hand clutching as if to unwillingly force audacity to overcome and prevent him from calling Kibum back. Jinki could only hate himself.
He had been finding himself off guard, paying attention to everything that’s happening around Kibum, and it seizes him that why - why him out of everyone else, can’t do the one thing he had ever wanted.
It was ever since the manager noticed, the essence of Jinki lingering on Kibum is contrary to how it had before. Because now when Jinki looks at him, he gazes. When he speaks to him, it’s his heart that does. When he touches him, he doesn’t let go at once. And when he’s with him, it felt like forever.
“Save the group.” The manager told him, large hands gripping on an arm. “Protect them, the dreams the five of you built, don’t let those selfish feelings of yours crush everything. Like the leader you are, sacrifice.” Then he almost gets hauled out to the stage, caustic words ringing in his head as if hypnotizing him. He puts on that mask, Onew - reflexively as the lights hovered above, adrenaline highs catching up.
Giving off that signature smile on Onew’s face - Jinki dies alone somewhere, because he had just been told, sacrifice that love you feel for Kibum. Face reality and don’t look back. But then again,
Kibum is my reality.
Jinki sighs as he focused on Minho limping towards him, Jonghyun dragging himself away after literally shoving Minho out his face - and that’s another story, unlikely to tell.
“You can’t go on like that.” Jinki starts when the rapper settles beside him on the couch, “You can’t let Jonghyun bitch around when you’re hurt.”
It surprises Minho that Jinki is surprised when the rapper practically laughed in his face. “You’re one to talk, Hyung.” He chuckles, the leader’s head snapping onto him, oblivious as he is to most things but Kibum. “We’re basically in the same situation, Hyung. Them bitching around like you say, and us being hurt.”
He wants to rip the stupid smile off the younger’s lips. How could he do that when the matter was nothing worth smiling for? “Though still, Hyung, we’re very different.”
Jinki meets the similar stare, connecting with something inside him that’s anxiously familiar. In what way? he hopes to compensate. And the smile Minho has falters further.
“At least Jonghyun-hyung knows that I’m hurting because of him. Because I feel for him. It’s different from how Kibum knows what you have for him, yet he doesn’t know at the same time.”
And that only makes things worse than it already is.
So when he sees Jonghyun try to kiss Kibum during their first win for Lucifer, and Taemin does the same the next day, Onew does nothing else but smile - while Jinki grieves alone.
He gravely notices Kibum making way for moments to be spent with Jinki, but Jinki responds erratically; heart skipping a couple beats, runs faster, and still he shouldn’t care. Even as the younger somehow manages to wave Jonghyun away from trying to moderately assault him, and willingly sits himself beside Jinki on the plane to Japan, he prays that these feelings would just go away.
Because when that happens, that smile wouldn’t do so many things to him, nor would a slight touch make him perceive eternity. Because when that happens, he protects shining SHINee, and he sacrifices, like the leader he is.
Because when that happens, no one gets hurt - or at least that’s what he believes.
Maybe it’s been two whole hours that he’s been lying awake on his hotel bed. Jonghyun’s sleep-singing again, yet it wasn’t noise to Jinki’s contemplation. Instinctively his sub-conscious would regard such things like it’s a part of nature.
His thoughts wander further, float onto somewhere he couldn’t exactly decipher, though he felt like it was nowhere outside his dreams. For some reason he falls into conceiving about the same worries that run through each and every sleepless night, since his dreams were the only place that he could touch Kibum freely.
Jinki finds himself stepping out onto the balcony a few moments later; eyes fixated on star impaled skies, though he couldn’t find anything admirable about it. His eyes become hazy of images, memories taken from when he wouldn’t have to hold back his thriving heart, amplifying onto something - something closer to love, a love he’d never had before and questions are asked yet again. “Should I just give up?”
“Giving up is entirely different from letting go.” He hears a voice whisper closely. “Yeah I know, but-“ Jinki shuffles away wide-eyed, “Kibum! When- How- What-… what the heck are you doing here?!”
Seeing Kibum laugh softly, made him cringe, why did he ever show up at a time like this. “Whaaat? We have connected rooms.” He informs a matter of fact-ly, gesturing to move Jinki away from the railing edges.
It took him one minute of ridiculous laughter, twelve hits in between, a smile, and if his guards were strong enough to endure, he wouldn’t be sitting there with Kibum. It’s not something the manager could control, there was nothing he could do when a simple smile could make Jinki’s world seem as though pain does not exist.
“So-“ Kibum starts again after calming down, “Why are you still awake?” the leader winces, folding hands on his lap. “Thinking. That’s all.” And it was inadequate.
“I should be asking you the same question though.” Jinki turns to say, lips altering into one line out of hidden irrelevancy.
“Would it be scratchy if I tell you I was thinking about you?” Jinki can’t help but remember that one time when both of them were like this, alone, sitting alongside each other, and staring. Because that one time caused staring to transform into something else - that one thing which made Jinki realize what he had, all this time. He had been keeping it inside, letting the question hang in the air.
Because as Kibum leaned a little closer, Jinki knew that now is a whole new world from what it was then. “No. Not at all.”
Because as Kibum pressed a smile onto his lips, it’s as if the train he had been waiting for pulls up, opens its doors for him, and attractively pulls him in. Suddenly he doesn’t care whether someone gets the remaining good out of him, or think of anything else apart from this.
Though he had been lost all this time, attempting to catch a glimpse of castles in the air, now he is able to grasps onto something more real just because.
I had wandered in search of you, and now you give me the reason as to why I had been waiting. Though I’m still lost, now I’m lost with you.
** I do not really get it how I was able to finish this one - somehow. I do not even know if it made sense. The title is the result of my complete irrelevancy these days, because it was supposed to be 'Castles In the Air' but then I thought it.is.laaame.and cheesy to note actually. Not the first time I’m writing anything, but I’m considering it. Haha! Comments would be very much loved :)
To 2pmconspiracy: are you even reading this?? :O because you’re the only one who knows, and am I practically dropping off the-you-know-what? gah!
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