fic; TBBT: What Happens, Stays.
So. um. yeah. This is wildly embarrassing. For a second day in a row: an embarrassing post! But today's revelation is that I've never written porn before. I always cut it off before it goes anywhere very interesting. Not this time! I was so into the idea of the Porn Battle this year, that I actually wrote something. And because I'm really into Penny/Sheldon and The Big Bang Theory right now and there were prompts and oh fuck. I don't even know.
title: What Happens, Stays.
fandom: The Big Bang Theory.
pairing: Penny/Sheldon
rating: MA.
words: 4767.
disclaimer: Fiction. I don't even know any real-life scientists, so.
notes: Written for the Porn Battle for the prompt, penny/sheldon, what happens at ComicCon stays at ComicCon.
There are times in Penny's life, like when she's doing a dinner theater rendition of 'My Fair Lady' and she's not even playing Eliza, that she looks at her life and thinks, no way, this is not happening, I'm not in the middle of this.
She thinks, really, she's on her way to a callback for Nip/Tuck and she's just zoned out at a red light. This is all some horrible daydream. None of it's real.
But it is, it's real, and when she thinks about it, too hard, too late at night, maybe it's not so bad, and that's the scary part. That's the really scary part.
If a few years ago, someone had said to Penny, "You're going to end up driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon," Penny would've responded like this:
What the hell is ComicCon?
Maybe she would've thrown in: I don't even know any geeks (just for good measure).
If yesterday, someone had said to Penny, "You're going to end up driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon," Penny would've responded like this:
No, Sheldon, I am not.
But here it was, not yesterday or a few years ago, here it was today and she had just finished driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon.
Wolowitz begged (on his knees, leering), Raj looked at her pleadingly, Leonard apologized that his car was broken and asked politely.
Sheldon told her that, as he understood it, the roadtrip was a necessary and non-optional bonding experience for groups of friends, such as theirs.
She didn't buy it, any of it (because she's learned nothing if not all their little tricks), but her new boss is some sort of geek, too, and Sheldon presumptuously negotiated paid time off for her. They just had to get some DVD autographed by some dude.
And, well, getting paid for not having to work is pretty cool.
So here she is, in San Diego, standing next to her car in a jam-packed hotel parking lot, the boys around her whining about how she has to come in with them because they bought her a badge from some graduate student (that someone had thrown a last minute assignment at and maybe the guys had a hand in it, possibly) and doesn't she realize how huge that is?
"Penny, what you don't understand is, we're like kings at ComicCon, these are our people," Wolowitz says and waggles his eyebrows. "If you stick with us, you'll be one of the cool group."
"Howard, I'm one of the cool group back in reality."
It goes on like this for fifteen minutes, standing in the parking lot, arguing. Storm troopers walk by, a group of pimply, teenage vampires walk by, what appears to be MC Hammer walks by.
When Penny realizes she's way outnumbered, because really, that's the type of math even she gets, she relents, and maybe, just maybe, Sheldon's promise of Harry Potter stuff piques her interest. But like, just a little bit. Those books were really fun and how sad was it that Cedric had to die?
The convention floor is like every rodeo expo she went to back home, but instead of booths hawking saddles and chaps and bits, there are booths selling comics and art and really elaborate props.
Raj and Howard peel off in opposite directions as soon as they're through the doors, Leonard bounces on his feet nervously for a few minutes and then darts away before she can stop him. It's just her and Sheldon and Sheldon doesn't even realize it because he's too busy looking at the papers in his hand -- a small map in the left, a checklist in the right.
There's no way she's walking around by herself in this place, so she realizes she better lock Sheldon in, before he sets out on whatever mission he's planning.
"Where to first, Spock?"
Sheldon looks up at Penny and then down at his costume.
"I'm surprised you knew that, Penny. Maybe you'll enjoy this experience more than you know."
Even when he's saying things that aren't totally mean, he always sounds like he's scolding her.
"Sure I will." Her voice is flat.
"As for your query, I have formulated a comprehensive and strategic itinerary for maximizing my ComicCon experience. You are more than welcome to come along and, in fact, you'd be wise to. I'm sure whatever scattershot approach everyone else is applying is less than optimal."
"Whatever, Sheldon. Lead the way." She gestures with her arm for him to go in front and some guy dressed like a samurai mistakes it for a bow.
He bows back to her.
Oh, Christ.
As it turns out, the boys are kind of the cool group at ComicCon or Sheldon is, at least.
A guy in an amazingly-detailed quidditch uniform recognizes Sheldon from a physics conference and all of the sudden they're being invited to some hotel room party. Both of them have an excuse halfway out of their mouths before she hears the word "beer" and changes her mind at the last second. If there's beer, real, alcoholic beer, this whole trip will get a lot better. Like, a lot, a lot better.
She loops her arm through Sheldon's and announces loudly, "We'll go!"
He flinches (from the touching or the screaming, she can't tell) and then looks down at her. Through gritted teeth, he grounds out, "We WILL?"
"Yep! We will!" She turns her attention back to the quidditch guy and gets the room number before pulling Sheldon away, hollering, "See you soon!".
They've only moved a few booths down when Sheldon snakes his arm out of hers and stops walking.
Whoo, boy, he looks pissed.
"Penny, I'm sure I don't have to explain to you the myriad things wrong with what you just did. First of all, Geoffrey back there attempted to disprove one of the cornerstones of my work on --"
"You're right, you don't have to explain it. But we can't back out now, that would be a slap in the face to, what was that thing? A slap in the face to social convention."
Sheldon looks defeated and barely notices as a guy with a Superman cape on a Batman costume walks by. That should've sent him reeling. Shit.
"Come on, Sheldon, it'll be fun."
"It will hardly be fun, but you've really put us in a pickle now. Once one RSVPs to a social function, one doesn't just back out. It's just not done, as I understand it."
He doesn't even seem like he's talking to her, it's like he's talking right to himself, trying to convince his stupid, huge brain to process all this. "Nevermind that it was a verbal confirmation, we've still committed and will be included in the pre-gathering headcount for the purposes of acquiring enough refreshments."
"Oh, jeez, Sheldon. I'll tell you what, this is just going to be like every party you went to in college, there will be a keg of some shitty beer, crushed Tostitos in a bowl with a napkin liner and a bunch of drunk people making out or puking. Only they'll be in costume. It'll be fine and we can always leave early."
"On what past conversation were you basing the notion that I frequented parties in college? I was 15 and pursuing several advanced degrees, I hardly had time to wear togas and hoot and holler with the esteemed brotherhood of the Alpha Beta fraternity."
That's the name of the mean fraternity in Revenge of the Nerds and Penny thinks for a second about what could've been going through Sheldon's head when he watched that movie. She hopes it wasn't really like that and she's overcome with a little bit of sadness for him. Like, a weird, sympathetic, deep sadness.
"Please, Sheldon? Can you just go along with this? We can go right when it starts, just you and me, just for a little bit. We'll be back in the room before anybody even notices we've left."
Everyone notices they left. Or that they're leaving. Wolowtiz decides he's going to tag along and Penny tries to argue it for a second, but realizes there's no reason why he shouldn't, these are his people, after all, not hers. Leonard and Raj signed up for some sort of nighttime laser tag outing, so, after Penny cobbles together a Catwoman costume, the three of them leave for the party.
It's actually in the hotel right next to theirs, which seems to put Sheldon at ease for the few minutes it takes them to walk over there, but as soon as a guy in a Captain America costume swings open the door in response to their knocking (and knocking and, of course, knocking a third time), Sheldon looks like he's going to throw up.
Penny was wrong. She was so, so wrong. This is not anything like a college party. It's a high school party, maybe even junior high school, but there is a keg in the corner, so.
The guys are on one side of the room and the girls are on the other and 'Everybody Dance Now' is ringing tinnily from a small boombox.
Penny pumps the keg a few times and hands Wolowitz a cup and hands Sheldon two, filling all of them all to the brim. It's mostly foam, but beer is beer. She grabs a cup from Sheldon and takes a long sip.
"Are you so thirsty that you need to have a second beverage immediately on hand?" Sheldon looks at her and holds the cup still in his hand away from him like it's radioactive or something.
"Sheldon, that's your beer."
Wolowitz is already trying to drink his, but making a really grossed out face every time it touches his lips. At least he's trying.
"I don't drink, Penny. It's hardly --"
"You drink tonight! And you know what? This isn't regular beer, it's butterbeer, like wizards drink." She points to a label duct-taped on top of the keg with the word, "butterbeer" scrawled on it in black marker. "What are you, a MUGGLE?"
Several people turn to look at them on the word, "muggle" and she must've said something right because Sheldon grimaces, but takes a sip of his beer.
They spend 45 minutes drinking, just her and Sheldon, standing a corner. Wolowitz slunk off on his second beer to try and talk to some Powerpuff Girl and they hadn't seen him since.
She's getting ready to give up when she sees something she hasn't seen in years -- Captain America is pulling names out of a hat and sending couples to the hotel bathroom.
They're playing Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Holy shit, it really is a high school party.
She turns to Sheldon, to see if he's noticed, but he's too busy looking contemplatively at the bubbles in his beer. It looks like she maybe got Sheldon drunk. Again.
Wolowitz, though, Wolowitz has figured it out and is lurking around Captain America, waiting for him to pull the next two names. When the names are called and what appears to be Smurfette and He-Man awkwardly walk into the bathroom, she calls him over.
"Why, hello again, Penny, hoping to be called in for your slice of heaven with Luke Skywalker?" Wolowitz gestures down to his costume, pointing right to his lightsaber, the prop one.
"No, of course not, wait -- is that how they're doing it? By costume?" She panics for a second. "Is everyone's name in there?"
"Of course, if they asked for volunteers, none of the girls would do it. But like this, well, I don't have to tell you, peer pressure is a marvelous thing."
"Oh, we have got to go."
She's frantically looking for her purse in a pile of discarded toy swords and helmets when she hears Captain America's voice booming from the other side of the room.
"And our next couple is..." She watches him fish around in the hat. "SPOCK! And CATWOMAN!"
Penny's eyes frantically scan the room, this is a huge group of nerds, she can't be the only Catwoman, he can't be the only Spock.
They are.
Wolowitz grabs her wrist with one hand and starts pushing Sheldon's back with the other and oh my god, she's going to kill him tomorrow, but everyone is watching them and Sheldon looks confused and then they're being shoved through the bathroom door before it's closed behind them.
There's no light except an embarrassing amount of candles and when Penny tries the switch, it doesn't work. She squints up to see that the light bulbs have been unscrewed.
Sheldon is standing next to her, slumping just the tiniest bit into the towel rack. He looks at her like he's not sure where they are or why they're there and while the first part is pretty obvious, they're in a bathroom, she realizes maybe he really doesn't know the why.
"Sheldon, honey," she tries her best talking-to-a-toddler-eat-your-vegetables voice. "They're not going to let us out of here for seven minutes."
He looks at her sideways and seems to be taking a second to process what she said. He shakes his head quickly, back and forth once, like he's shaking something off, or sliding back into being sober Sheldon.
"I told you we shouldn't come to a party, Penny. I find revelers to be, on the whole, unrelentingly mean."
"Aw, Sheldon." She can't believe, in a city so overrun with geeks right now, how bad she's felt for him today. "This isn't a trick, they put us in here to fool around. It's supposed to be, you know, like, 'heaven' in here."
He looks around and wrinkles his nose.
"In a bathroom that smells overwhelmingly of vanilla and mildew?"
She shrugs.
"It's usually a closet. It's just a stupid party game."
"This is a game? Are there rules?"
His voice gets a little higher-pitched and he's staring right at her, super focused, it's kind of weirding her out a little bit.
"Of course there are rules, but who cares?"
"I care, Penny. I care. When participating in a game, I always follow the rules. To not follow the rules is practically anarchic. Can you imagine what the world would be like if no one followed rules? Why, it'd be overrun by cheaters and hooligans."
She stops herself from interrupting to say that, uh, hey, actually the world is overrun by cheaters and hooligans.
"If you would be so kind as to brief me on these rules, so that we can get on with this 'game,' I'd appreciate it. The Cliff-Notes version, please."
"Jesus, Sheldon, fine." She figures once he actually hears (and understands) what the game is all about, he'll back down. "The rules are like this, a guy and a girl go into a room. In the room, they fool around, if their friends believe they've actually fooled around, they're let out after seven minutes. If they don't believe it, sometimes they keep them in there longer. Or that's how we played, I don't know, it's one of those things, it's like beer pong, everyone's rules are different."
"It's like what pong? Wait, no, nevermind, Please define 'fool around.'"
This is already the longest seven minutes of her life and if Sheldon's watch is right, it's only been a little more than 60 seconds.
"You know, fool around, like, making out, touching, uh, sucking. I don't know, again, it's all different, um, everywhere." She's so uncomfortable, and the beer is making her face flush (it's the beer, it's got to be the beer) and Sheldon's concentrating, his face all serious and it sort of looks nice in the candlelight and he's really tall and --
"What do you think it qualifies as at this particular gathering?"
She has no idea how to answer that and then her mouth is open and she's spitting out words and what the fuck is she saying. "I don't know, Sheldon, these people are pretty old to just be kissing, it's probably second base, at least, probably even third, but you know, bases are different everywhere, too."
Sheldon's eyes widen and Penny realizes that somehow, somewhere, Sheldon came across some definitions of the bases.
"It's OK, Sheldon, we really don't have to do anything." She reaches out to pat him on the arm and he shivers a little bit. What.
"If your earlier description is correct and they are adhering to what I can only assume are 'Nebraska Rules,' we would be locked in here forever were we to not 'do anything.' I can't spend my life locked in a bathroom, Penny, I'm meant to make significant contributions to mankind that just cannot be made from the inside of a lavatory."
"What? I don't understand." But she does, she really does.
"I'm going to kiss you now. Please do not take this personally, it's for the good of the planet."
And he does, he kisses her.
Sheldon tastes like beer and is too tall. She's on her tiptoes and he's bending down and it's really uncomfortable and it's all she can think about until Sheldon opens his mouth and then she thinks about his tongue.
She figures, if they're gonna do this, they might as well do it right, and so she opens her mouth, too, and slips her tongue out and then there's his tongue and oh my fucking god Sheldon's tongue is in her mouth.
He's a methodical kisser (of course he is) and it seems like he's lighting into every nerve ending in her mouth. She slides her hands up and around his neck and he slides his arms around her back and it feels really...nice. Warm. Maybe a little safe. It does, he's got her all wrapped up, her breasts pressed against him and through her shirt she can feel the rough fabric of his Star Trek uniform and the emblem is just grazing her nipple.
She groans into his mouth and he pulls back and she thinks maybe that means in his mind, the rules have been satisfied, but instead he starts kissing her neck, just below where her cat headband ends, behind her ear. Her knees wobble a little bit, but his arms are around her so tight that she doesn't even think about falling.
He does though and he pulls back again.
His face is all flushed, mouth wet, and his voice is so much deeper when he says, "I think, based on your physical response and...my own, that the best course of action would be to recline."
Her brain puts together what that all means and without even thinking about how disgusting a hotel bathroom floor has to be, she lowers herself to it, the tile cold through her pants. He folds himself down next to her, all awkward limbs and jerky movements.
He moves in toward her face, toward her mouth, and then they're kissing again and he's wrapped an arm behind her back and uses his body weight to press her to the ground. He's half on top of her, one leg slung between the two of hers and she can feel his erection pressing into her thigh as his other hand grazes its way up her side and under her shirt.
His hand closes around her breast, over her bra, when she hears Wolowitz's voice, nasaly and loud through the door, "There's no way they're doing anything. Of course, I would be, with a tasty little slice like Penny."
She can't hear any response, but there's a pause before Wolowitz speaks again, "Leave them in there then. It'll be Sheldon's punishment for disgracing the entire gender."
There's a quick pounding on the door, Sheldon's hand is frozen on top of her breast, her own hands tangled in his hair, "You hear that, Sheldon! You have to stay in there another five minutes and think about what you've done!" And then quieter, almost as an afterthought, "Sorry, Penny."
She expects it to all be over now, they've already been punished, she can't imagine Sheldon soldiering on without reason, but then his hand is moving, squeezing her breast and his mouth finds her again and oh. Oh.
She moves her hands again, too, scratching them down from his head to his back and then adjusting so she can reach his ass. She pulls him into her, into her leg and then, all on his own, he's grinding into her.
When she makes another noise, a good noise, he stops moving, and she's too far gone, she's not stopping, not just because it's Sheldon. Sheldon who smells clean like soap and is bigger than her and who, oh my fucking god, Sheldon, who's making her wet.
She rolls up a little bit, so he can get his hand out from under her back and when it's free, she takes it and brings it down to the button of her jeans. She lets it go there, a little curious to see what he'll do, but Sheldon's nothing if perceptive and he unbuttons her pants and carefully slides the zipper down.
Her pants are tight, but he manages to get a hand in between them and her underwear, cupping her so his fingers rest on top of the fabric. As an afterthought, or a way of encouraging him, she starts to kiss his neck and then his fingers are moving, rubbing, stroking over her underwear and she's shivering and where is his fucking mouth, there it is, and there's his tongue and there they are, his one hand on her breast, the other in her pants, and they're kissing and grinding, his hands in between them, just a little awkward because he doesn't have any leverage over her and is just covering her, half on his side, and she feels like she's maybe slacking a little bit.
She uses her arm to catch his and half-nudge, half-pull his hand from under her shirt. Without his arm there, she's able to slide her hand down his chest to his pants. She unbuttons his pants and unzips fly and is relieved to feel that sometime between the day she met him and now, he'd made the switch to boxers. She rubs her hand down the front of them until she finds the opening and she snakes her hand inside.
For the first time since he said they should lie down, Sheldon says something, it sounds like oh my god but he says it right into her open mouth and she can't tell and she can't remember ever hearing him say that, but whatever it is, it's good and when she wraps her hand around his dick, he says it again.
His hand has stilled inside her pants and she bucks up into it, gets him moving again, and then his fingers are so long, and they're pushing elastic aside, and then they're right there and then two of them are inside of her.
His dick is long and thin and jumping, twitching, moving in her hand and so she tightens her grip, just a little bit, and she starts to move her hand up and down. Sheldon rips his mouth from hers and it's wet and then he's clamping down, right on the muscle or the tendon or the who the fuck cares right where her neck meets her shoulder and he's sucking and it's good, it's great.
She's pressing up into his hand now, squirming and trying to bite back moans and haphazardly pumping his cock and when he bites her harder and then licks that same spot, she comes as he pushes into her.
When she's done, instinct, a hunch, something, whatever, makes him still his hand inside her pants and then he's still all over and it brings her back and they are so deep into this, what's just a little bit more?
She lets him slide his hand out of her pants and then she nudges him up before sliding out from under him. He looks confused, really confused, and sort of, weirdly, awkwardly hot, cock poking out of the hole in his boxers and wet and messy and she wrestles with him a little to get him on his back.
She gets over top of him, kisses him once and then works her body down his, until her mouth is right in front of his dick. He makes a sound that's got to be wimper, there's no other word and she looks at him, wanting to smile, but she doesn't and then she slides her mouth onto his cock, just the head and a little beyond.
She uses her hand to pump at the rest of him for a few seconds and then she moves it and then she's, oh my god, she's sucking his cock, she's sucking and swirling and sucking Sheldon's cock.
He's making muffled noises now, oh, and yeah, and oh, and sometimes just sounds, groans and a kind of low growl.
She speeds up, bringing her hand back to make a tight ring around the base of his dick with her fingers and then sucking and pumping and he's forming real words now and they're
Penny
I'm
going
to
And then he comes and she stays with him the whole time, swallowing before pushing herself up on her hands.
They look at each other, and it's weird because there's still candlelight and then she stands and reaches down a hand to help him up.
She doesn't say anything and he doesn't say anything and they're just finishing buttoning their pants when Wolowitz swings the door open and hollers, without even looking at them, "Time's up!"
But then he looks at them, both of them, back at forth between them, rapid, like a cartoon character. His eyes bulging out of his head. "What. You. You two. You."
Sheldon stands up straight and then clears his throat. "Excuse me, Howard, but Penny and I were just discussing how late it's getting. We should all be getting back to the room now. That is, assuming you still want to catch the Battlestar Galactica panel first thing tomorrow morning."
Howard nods quickly and darts out of the bathroom.
On the walk home, Howard doesn't say anything, he just stares, straight ahead, like he's in shock. When they get back to the room, he just lays down on the bed, face down, next to Raj, who's watching some Discovery Channel thing. Leonard's on the couch, blankets all set up for sleep.
Sheldon surveys the room before announcing that everyone will be going to bed now, so as to make certain that everyone is well-rested for tomorrow's activities.
Because of Sheldon's weird personal space issues and Penny's last minute addition, they had decided on the ride down that they'd just order her one of those rollaways, but there's not one in the room.
Sheldon's apparently noticed that, too, and says, "Seeing as how no one in this room was capable of working up enough concern for Penny and her lumbar health to order the extra bed roll, I will allow her to sleep in mine."
Leonard's head whips around and Raj's eyes go big, but Wolowitz, head still in the pillow, just groans.
Penny goes into the bathroom to change into her pajamas and it's weird because it looks just like the other bathroom and when she comes back out, Sheldon's already in his rigid, mummified sleep state, just not asleep.
Raj clicks the lamp off and everyone says good night and it's one of those moments again. Penny's thinking, this isn't real, none of this happened, I'm actually in Pasadena, driving home from work right now.
But she can feel a bruise on her neck and when enough time has passed and Leonard is snoring and Raj is sleep-talking, Sheldon moves his head closer to hers and whispers in her ear.
"Should the activities earlier this evening be keeping you awake right now, I feel obligated to inform you of the inherent covenant of secrecy involved with these conventions. Actions performed here are never brought back home."
It's a long sentence and he says it slow and low and quiet and it makes the hair on her neck stand up, but she nods and gives him a tight-lipped smile before closing her eyes to sleep.
A few moments pass, more snoring from Leonard, more mumbling from Raj and then Howard's voice, a loud whisper, "Next year, I'm going as Spock.
&&.
title: What Happens, Stays.
fandom: The Big Bang Theory.
pairing: Penny/Sheldon
rating: MA.
words: 4767.
disclaimer: Fiction. I don't even know any real-life scientists, so.
notes: Written for the Porn Battle for the prompt, penny/sheldon, what happens at ComicCon stays at ComicCon.
There are times in Penny's life, like when she's doing a dinner theater rendition of 'My Fair Lady' and she's not even playing Eliza, that she looks at her life and thinks, no way, this is not happening, I'm not in the middle of this.
She thinks, really, she's on her way to a callback for Nip/Tuck and she's just zoned out at a red light. This is all some horrible daydream. None of it's real.
But it is, it's real, and when she thinks about it, too hard, too late at night, maybe it's not so bad, and that's the scary part. That's the really scary part.
If a few years ago, someone had said to Penny, "You're going to end up driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon," Penny would've responded like this:
What the hell is ComicCon?
Maybe she would've thrown in: I don't even know any geeks (just for good measure).
If yesterday, someone had said to Penny, "You're going to end up driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon," Penny would've responded like this:
No, Sheldon, I am not.
But here it was, not yesterday or a few years ago, here it was today and she had just finished driving a car full of squealing geeks to ComicCon.
Wolowitz begged (on his knees, leering), Raj looked at her pleadingly, Leonard apologized that his car was broken and asked politely.
Sheldon told her that, as he understood it, the roadtrip was a necessary and non-optional bonding experience for groups of friends, such as theirs.
She didn't buy it, any of it (because she's learned nothing if not all their little tricks), but her new boss is some sort of geek, too, and Sheldon presumptuously negotiated paid time off for her. They just had to get some DVD autographed by some dude.
And, well, getting paid for not having to work is pretty cool.
So here she is, in San Diego, standing next to her car in a jam-packed hotel parking lot, the boys around her whining about how she has to come in with them because they bought her a badge from some graduate student (that someone had thrown a last minute assignment at and maybe the guys had a hand in it, possibly) and doesn't she realize how huge that is?
"Penny, what you don't understand is, we're like kings at ComicCon, these are our people," Wolowitz says and waggles his eyebrows. "If you stick with us, you'll be one of the cool group."
"Howard, I'm one of the cool group back in reality."
It goes on like this for fifteen minutes, standing in the parking lot, arguing. Storm troopers walk by, a group of pimply, teenage vampires walk by, what appears to be MC Hammer walks by.
When Penny realizes she's way outnumbered, because really, that's the type of math even she gets, she relents, and maybe, just maybe, Sheldon's promise of Harry Potter stuff piques her interest. But like, just a little bit. Those books were really fun and how sad was it that Cedric had to die?
The convention floor is like every rodeo expo she went to back home, but instead of booths hawking saddles and chaps and bits, there are booths selling comics and art and really elaborate props.
Raj and Howard peel off in opposite directions as soon as they're through the doors, Leonard bounces on his feet nervously for a few minutes and then darts away before she can stop him. It's just her and Sheldon and Sheldon doesn't even realize it because he's too busy looking at the papers in his hand -- a small map in the left, a checklist in the right.
There's no way she's walking around by herself in this place, so she realizes she better lock Sheldon in, before he sets out on whatever mission he's planning.
"Where to first, Spock?"
Sheldon looks up at Penny and then down at his costume.
"I'm surprised you knew that, Penny. Maybe you'll enjoy this experience more than you know."
Even when he's saying things that aren't totally mean, he always sounds like he's scolding her.
"Sure I will." Her voice is flat.
"As for your query, I have formulated a comprehensive and strategic itinerary for maximizing my ComicCon experience. You are more than welcome to come along and, in fact, you'd be wise to. I'm sure whatever scattershot approach everyone else is applying is less than optimal."
"Whatever, Sheldon. Lead the way." She gestures with her arm for him to go in front and some guy dressed like a samurai mistakes it for a bow.
He bows back to her.
Oh, Christ.
As it turns out, the boys are kind of the cool group at ComicCon or Sheldon is, at least.
A guy in an amazingly-detailed quidditch uniform recognizes Sheldon from a physics conference and all of the sudden they're being invited to some hotel room party. Both of them have an excuse halfway out of their mouths before she hears the word "beer" and changes her mind at the last second. If there's beer, real, alcoholic beer, this whole trip will get a lot better. Like, a lot, a lot better.
She loops her arm through Sheldon's and announces loudly, "We'll go!"
He flinches (from the touching or the screaming, she can't tell) and then looks down at her. Through gritted teeth, he grounds out, "We WILL?"
"Yep! We will!" She turns her attention back to the quidditch guy and gets the room number before pulling Sheldon away, hollering, "See you soon!".
They've only moved a few booths down when Sheldon snakes his arm out of hers and stops walking.
Whoo, boy, he looks pissed.
"Penny, I'm sure I don't have to explain to you the myriad things wrong with what you just did. First of all, Geoffrey back there attempted to disprove one of the cornerstones of my work on --"
"You're right, you don't have to explain it. But we can't back out now, that would be a slap in the face to, what was that thing? A slap in the face to social convention."
Sheldon looks defeated and barely notices as a guy with a Superman cape on a Batman costume walks by. That should've sent him reeling. Shit.
"Come on, Sheldon, it'll be fun."
"It will hardly be fun, but you've really put us in a pickle now. Once one RSVPs to a social function, one doesn't just back out. It's just not done, as I understand it."
He doesn't even seem like he's talking to her, it's like he's talking right to himself, trying to convince his stupid, huge brain to process all this. "Nevermind that it was a verbal confirmation, we've still committed and will be included in the pre-gathering headcount for the purposes of acquiring enough refreshments."
"Oh, jeez, Sheldon. I'll tell you what, this is just going to be like every party you went to in college, there will be a keg of some shitty beer, crushed Tostitos in a bowl with a napkin liner and a bunch of drunk people making out or puking. Only they'll be in costume. It'll be fine and we can always leave early."
"On what past conversation were you basing the notion that I frequented parties in college? I was 15 and pursuing several advanced degrees, I hardly had time to wear togas and hoot and holler with the esteemed brotherhood of the Alpha Beta fraternity."
That's the name of the mean fraternity in Revenge of the Nerds and Penny thinks for a second about what could've been going through Sheldon's head when he watched that movie. She hopes it wasn't really like that and she's overcome with a little bit of sadness for him. Like, a weird, sympathetic, deep sadness.
"Please, Sheldon? Can you just go along with this? We can go right when it starts, just you and me, just for a little bit. We'll be back in the room before anybody even notices we've left."
Everyone notices they left. Or that they're leaving. Wolowtiz decides he's going to tag along and Penny tries to argue it for a second, but realizes there's no reason why he shouldn't, these are his people, after all, not hers. Leonard and Raj signed up for some sort of nighttime laser tag outing, so, after Penny cobbles together a Catwoman costume, the three of them leave for the party.
It's actually in the hotel right next to theirs, which seems to put Sheldon at ease for the few minutes it takes them to walk over there, but as soon as a guy in a Captain America costume swings open the door in response to their knocking (and knocking and, of course, knocking a third time), Sheldon looks like he's going to throw up.
Penny was wrong. She was so, so wrong. This is not anything like a college party. It's a high school party, maybe even junior high school, but there is a keg in the corner, so.
The guys are on one side of the room and the girls are on the other and 'Everybody Dance Now' is ringing tinnily from a small boombox.
Penny pumps the keg a few times and hands Wolowitz a cup and hands Sheldon two, filling all of them all to the brim. It's mostly foam, but beer is beer. She grabs a cup from Sheldon and takes a long sip.
"Are you so thirsty that you need to have a second beverage immediately on hand?" Sheldon looks at her and holds the cup still in his hand away from him like it's radioactive or something.
"Sheldon, that's your beer."
Wolowitz is already trying to drink his, but making a really grossed out face every time it touches his lips. At least he's trying.
"I don't drink, Penny. It's hardly --"
"You drink tonight! And you know what? This isn't regular beer, it's butterbeer, like wizards drink." She points to a label duct-taped on top of the keg with the word, "butterbeer" scrawled on it in black marker. "What are you, a MUGGLE?"
Several people turn to look at them on the word, "muggle" and she must've said something right because Sheldon grimaces, but takes a sip of his beer.
They spend 45 minutes drinking, just her and Sheldon, standing a corner. Wolowitz slunk off on his second beer to try and talk to some Powerpuff Girl and they hadn't seen him since.
She's getting ready to give up when she sees something she hasn't seen in years -- Captain America is pulling names out of a hat and sending couples to the hotel bathroom.
They're playing Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Holy shit, it really is a high school party.
She turns to Sheldon, to see if he's noticed, but he's too busy looking contemplatively at the bubbles in his beer. It looks like she maybe got Sheldon drunk. Again.
Wolowitz, though, Wolowitz has figured it out and is lurking around Captain America, waiting for him to pull the next two names. When the names are called and what appears to be Smurfette and He-Man awkwardly walk into the bathroom, she calls him over.
"Why, hello again, Penny, hoping to be called in for your slice of heaven with Luke Skywalker?" Wolowitz gestures down to his costume, pointing right to his lightsaber, the prop one.
"No, of course not, wait -- is that how they're doing it? By costume?" She panics for a second. "Is everyone's name in there?"
"Of course, if they asked for volunteers, none of the girls would do it. But like this, well, I don't have to tell you, peer pressure is a marvelous thing."
"Oh, we have got to go."
She's frantically looking for her purse in a pile of discarded toy swords and helmets when she hears Captain America's voice booming from the other side of the room.
"And our next couple is..." She watches him fish around in the hat. "SPOCK! And CATWOMAN!"
Penny's eyes frantically scan the room, this is a huge group of nerds, she can't be the only Catwoman, he can't be the only Spock.
They are.
Wolowitz grabs her wrist with one hand and starts pushing Sheldon's back with the other and oh my god, she's going to kill him tomorrow, but everyone is watching them and Sheldon looks confused and then they're being shoved through the bathroom door before it's closed behind them.
There's no light except an embarrassing amount of candles and when Penny tries the switch, it doesn't work. She squints up to see that the light bulbs have been unscrewed.
Sheldon is standing next to her, slumping just the tiniest bit into the towel rack. He looks at her like he's not sure where they are or why they're there and while the first part is pretty obvious, they're in a bathroom, she realizes maybe he really doesn't know the why.
"Sheldon, honey," she tries her best talking-to-a-toddler-eat-your-vegetables voice. "They're not going to let us out of here for seven minutes."
He looks at her sideways and seems to be taking a second to process what she said. He shakes his head quickly, back and forth once, like he's shaking something off, or sliding back into being sober Sheldon.
"I told you we shouldn't come to a party, Penny. I find revelers to be, on the whole, unrelentingly mean."
"Aw, Sheldon." She can't believe, in a city so overrun with geeks right now, how bad she's felt for him today. "This isn't a trick, they put us in here to fool around. It's supposed to be, you know, like, 'heaven' in here."
He looks around and wrinkles his nose.
"In a bathroom that smells overwhelmingly of vanilla and mildew?"
She shrugs.
"It's usually a closet. It's just a stupid party game."
"This is a game? Are there rules?"
His voice gets a little higher-pitched and he's staring right at her, super focused, it's kind of weirding her out a little bit.
"Of course there are rules, but who cares?"
"I care, Penny. I care. When participating in a game, I always follow the rules. To not follow the rules is practically anarchic. Can you imagine what the world would be like if no one followed rules? Why, it'd be overrun by cheaters and hooligans."
She stops herself from interrupting to say that, uh, hey, actually the world is overrun by cheaters and hooligans.
"If you would be so kind as to brief me on these rules, so that we can get on with this 'game,' I'd appreciate it. The Cliff-Notes version, please."
"Jesus, Sheldon, fine." She figures once he actually hears (and understands) what the game is all about, he'll back down. "The rules are like this, a guy and a girl go into a room. In the room, they fool around, if their friends believe they've actually fooled around, they're let out after seven minutes. If they don't believe it, sometimes they keep them in there longer. Or that's how we played, I don't know, it's one of those things, it's like beer pong, everyone's rules are different."
"It's like what pong? Wait, no, nevermind, Please define 'fool around.'"
This is already the longest seven minutes of her life and if Sheldon's watch is right, it's only been a little more than 60 seconds.
"You know, fool around, like, making out, touching, uh, sucking. I don't know, again, it's all different, um, everywhere." She's so uncomfortable, and the beer is making her face flush (it's the beer, it's got to be the beer) and Sheldon's concentrating, his face all serious and it sort of looks nice in the candlelight and he's really tall and --
"What do you think it qualifies as at this particular gathering?"
She has no idea how to answer that and then her mouth is open and she's spitting out words and what the fuck is she saying. "I don't know, Sheldon, these people are pretty old to just be kissing, it's probably second base, at least, probably even third, but you know, bases are different everywhere, too."
Sheldon's eyes widen and Penny realizes that somehow, somewhere, Sheldon came across some definitions of the bases.
"It's OK, Sheldon, we really don't have to do anything." She reaches out to pat him on the arm and he shivers a little bit. What.
"If your earlier description is correct and they are adhering to what I can only assume are 'Nebraska Rules,' we would be locked in here forever were we to not 'do anything.' I can't spend my life locked in a bathroom, Penny, I'm meant to make significant contributions to mankind that just cannot be made from the inside of a lavatory."
"What? I don't understand." But she does, she really does.
"I'm going to kiss you now. Please do not take this personally, it's for the good of the planet."
And he does, he kisses her.
Sheldon tastes like beer and is too tall. She's on her tiptoes and he's bending down and it's really uncomfortable and it's all she can think about until Sheldon opens his mouth and then she thinks about his tongue.
She figures, if they're gonna do this, they might as well do it right, and so she opens her mouth, too, and slips her tongue out and then there's his tongue and oh my fucking god Sheldon's tongue is in her mouth.
He's a methodical kisser (of course he is) and it seems like he's lighting into every nerve ending in her mouth. She slides her hands up and around his neck and he slides his arms around her back and it feels really...nice. Warm. Maybe a little safe. It does, he's got her all wrapped up, her breasts pressed against him and through her shirt she can feel the rough fabric of his Star Trek uniform and the emblem is just grazing her nipple.
She groans into his mouth and he pulls back and she thinks maybe that means in his mind, the rules have been satisfied, but instead he starts kissing her neck, just below where her cat headband ends, behind her ear. Her knees wobble a little bit, but his arms are around her so tight that she doesn't even think about falling.
He does though and he pulls back again.
His face is all flushed, mouth wet, and his voice is so much deeper when he says, "I think, based on your physical response and...my own, that the best course of action would be to recline."
Her brain puts together what that all means and without even thinking about how disgusting a hotel bathroom floor has to be, she lowers herself to it, the tile cold through her pants. He folds himself down next to her, all awkward limbs and jerky movements.
He moves in toward her face, toward her mouth, and then they're kissing again and he's wrapped an arm behind her back and uses his body weight to press her to the ground. He's half on top of her, one leg slung between the two of hers and she can feel his erection pressing into her thigh as his other hand grazes its way up her side and under her shirt.
His hand closes around her breast, over her bra, when she hears Wolowitz's voice, nasaly and loud through the door, "There's no way they're doing anything. Of course, I would be, with a tasty little slice like Penny."
She can't hear any response, but there's a pause before Wolowitz speaks again, "Leave them in there then. It'll be Sheldon's punishment for disgracing the entire gender."
There's a quick pounding on the door, Sheldon's hand is frozen on top of her breast, her own hands tangled in his hair, "You hear that, Sheldon! You have to stay in there another five minutes and think about what you've done!" And then quieter, almost as an afterthought, "Sorry, Penny."
She expects it to all be over now, they've already been punished, she can't imagine Sheldon soldiering on without reason, but then his hand is moving, squeezing her breast and his mouth finds her again and oh. Oh.
She moves her hands again, too, scratching them down from his head to his back and then adjusting so she can reach his ass. She pulls him into her, into her leg and then, all on his own, he's grinding into her.
When she makes another noise, a good noise, he stops moving, and she's too far gone, she's not stopping, not just because it's Sheldon. Sheldon who smells clean like soap and is bigger than her and who, oh my fucking god, Sheldon, who's making her wet.
She rolls up a little bit, so he can get his hand out from under her back and when it's free, she takes it and brings it down to the button of her jeans. She lets it go there, a little curious to see what he'll do, but Sheldon's nothing if perceptive and he unbuttons her pants and carefully slides the zipper down.
Her pants are tight, but he manages to get a hand in between them and her underwear, cupping her so his fingers rest on top of the fabric. As an afterthought, or a way of encouraging him, she starts to kiss his neck and then his fingers are moving, rubbing, stroking over her underwear and she's shivering and where is his fucking mouth, there it is, and there's his tongue and there they are, his one hand on her breast, the other in her pants, and they're kissing and grinding, his hands in between them, just a little awkward because he doesn't have any leverage over her and is just covering her, half on his side, and she feels like she's maybe slacking a little bit.
She uses her arm to catch his and half-nudge, half-pull his hand from under her shirt. Without his arm there, she's able to slide her hand down his chest to his pants. She unbuttons his pants and unzips fly and is relieved to feel that sometime between the day she met him and now, he'd made the switch to boxers. She rubs her hand down the front of them until she finds the opening and she snakes her hand inside.
For the first time since he said they should lie down, Sheldon says something, it sounds like oh my god but he says it right into her open mouth and she can't tell and she can't remember ever hearing him say that, but whatever it is, it's good and when she wraps her hand around his dick, he says it again.
His hand has stilled inside her pants and she bucks up into it, gets him moving again, and then his fingers are so long, and they're pushing elastic aside, and then they're right there and then two of them are inside of her.
His dick is long and thin and jumping, twitching, moving in her hand and so she tightens her grip, just a little bit, and she starts to move her hand up and down. Sheldon rips his mouth from hers and it's wet and then he's clamping down, right on the muscle or the tendon or the who the fuck cares right where her neck meets her shoulder and he's sucking and it's good, it's great.
She's pressing up into his hand now, squirming and trying to bite back moans and haphazardly pumping his cock and when he bites her harder and then licks that same spot, she comes as he pushes into her.
When she's done, instinct, a hunch, something, whatever, makes him still his hand inside her pants and then he's still all over and it brings her back and they are so deep into this, what's just a little bit more?
She lets him slide his hand out of her pants and then she nudges him up before sliding out from under him. He looks confused, really confused, and sort of, weirdly, awkwardly hot, cock poking out of the hole in his boxers and wet and messy and she wrestles with him a little to get him on his back.
She gets over top of him, kisses him once and then works her body down his, until her mouth is right in front of his dick. He makes a sound that's got to be wimper, there's no other word and she looks at him, wanting to smile, but she doesn't and then she slides her mouth onto his cock, just the head and a little beyond.
She uses her hand to pump at the rest of him for a few seconds and then she moves it and then she's, oh my god, she's sucking his cock, she's sucking and swirling and sucking Sheldon's cock.
He's making muffled noises now, oh, and yeah, and oh, and sometimes just sounds, groans and a kind of low growl.
She speeds up, bringing her hand back to make a tight ring around the base of his dick with her fingers and then sucking and pumping and he's forming real words now and they're
Penny
I'm
going
to
And then he comes and she stays with him the whole time, swallowing before pushing herself up on her hands.
They look at each other, and it's weird because there's still candlelight and then she stands and reaches down a hand to help him up.
She doesn't say anything and he doesn't say anything and they're just finishing buttoning their pants when Wolowitz swings the door open and hollers, without even looking at them, "Time's up!"
But then he looks at them, both of them, back at forth between them, rapid, like a cartoon character. His eyes bulging out of his head. "What. You. You two. You."
Sheldon stands up straight and then clears his throat. "Excuse me, Howard, but Penny and I were just discussing how late it's getting. We should all be getting back to the room now. That is, assuming you still want to catch the Battlestar Galactica panel first thing tomorrow morning."
Howard nods quickly and darts out of the bathroom.
On the walk home, Howard doesn't say anything, he just stares, straight ahead, like he's in shock. When they get back to the room, he just lays down on the bed, face down, next to Raj, who's watching some Discovery Channel thing. Leonard's on the couch, blankets all set up for sleep.
Sheldon surveys the room before announcing that everyone will be going to bed now, so as to make certain that everyone is well-rested for tomorrow's activities.
Because of Sheldon's weird personal space issues and Penny's last minute addition, they had decided on the ride down that they'd just order her one of those rollaways, but there's not one in the room.
Sheldon's apparently noticed that, too, and says, "Seeing as how no one in this room was capable of working up enough concern for Penny and her lumbar health to order the extra bed roll, I will allow her to sleep in mine."
Leonard's head whips around and Raj's eyes go big, but Wolowitz, head still in the pillow, just groans.
Penny goes into the bathroom to change into her pajamas and it's weird because it looks just like the other bathroom and when she comes back out, Sheldon's already in his rigid, mummified sleep state, just not asleep.
Raj clicks the lamp off and everyone says good night and it's one of those moments again. Penny's thinking, this isn't real, none of this happened, I'm actually in Pasadena, driving home from work right now.
But she can feel a bruise on her neck and when enough time has passed and Leonard is snoring and Raj is sleep-talking, Sheldon moves his head closer to hers and whispers in her ear.
"Should the activities earlier this evening be keeping you awake right now, I feel obligated to inform you of the inherent covenant of secrecy involved with these conventions. Actions performed here are never brought back home."
It's a long sentence and he says it slow and low and quiet and it makes the hair on her neck stand up, but she nods and gives him a tight-lipped smile before closing her eyes to sleep.
A few moments pass, more snoring from Leonard, more mumbling from Raj and then Howard's voice, a loud whisper, "Next year, I'm going as Spock.
&&.