Midgar Burning Chapter 49
Title: Midgar Burning
Authors: silence_laughs and calvi_sama
Pairing: Cid x Vincent
Rating: NC-17 (eventually), most certainly R
Disclaimer: We do not in any way own, nor profit from, the characters and/or locations of FFVII, that would all be SquareEnix. Also any other references to persons or products mentioned herein are purely coincidental *coughs*, and where they are not then they belong to their respective writers, producers, directors, or other individuals/companies listed under that sneaky little thing called a "copyright".
Warnings: Adult themes, blood, some violence, language, kidnapping, torture, mentions of abuse, murder, and above all else...yaoi, the 'inappropriate to minors' kind, the 'makes us sit up past our bedtimes reading' kind, 'cause lets face it folks, it just wouldn't be the same without it! >:3
Summary: Even as Cid fights to show Vincent it’s okay to love again, Vincent’s enemies are moving in. Can Cid secure a place in Vincent’s heart before their world falls apart?
A/N: Two things folks: 1) This is an RP and 2) This fic is AU. The usual players here: silence = Cid, and all in Cid's world, and yours truly = Vincent, and all in Vin's world. Easiest way to say it. ^^ This fic is a 'novel'-form piece (ie multi-chapter) that is darker than what we normally write, and out of our comfort zone in the fact that we normally prefer to stick to canon-type stuff. But I got the idea from ani_mama 's artwork (more specifically this picture), persuaded silence to "go along with it", and it's been going 'full steam ahead' since then, and quite grown on us. We hope you all like it! Icon art provided by silk_weaver .
Chapter 49
Vincent was too focused upon keeping his feet under him to notice Tseng’s look at Cid, and once he was on his feet began to make his slow, shuffling and limping way to the shower down the hall, stooped over and hugging the wall for support. If Cid followed then he followed, but Vincent was determined to do this on his own. Once in the bathroom, he laboriously removed the remainder of his clothing, having to stop several times to catch his breath and at one point sitting down on the narrow shower seat that was in the small room. Now fully nude, he sat still and panted, trying to get the lightheaded feeling to go away. When enough time went by, he eased off of the stool and approached the shower, which was just large enough to accommodate two and accessible for someone to assist from outside if necessary. He turned on the water, breathing shallowly from his nose and leaning heavily on the wall as he waited for it to warm.
Finally it was warm enough, and he stepped into the shower. There was a gentle, antibacterial bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo present, and he went for the soap first. As he slowly lathered himself up, luxuriating in the feeling of getting clean again, he actually thought he might be able to accomplish this simple feat on his own. That was until he fell. Having been unable to stand up fully without leaning on something, and weakening quickly, accompanied by the now slick tub he was attempting to stand in, his center of balance was thrown off and he just didn’t have the strength to catch himself. He went down hard and as he landed he felt something rip in his chest and he tasted blood in his mouth shortly thereafter. Whimpering in pain, he reached a trembling hand up to grip the side of the tub and attempted to pull himself up, but only succeeded in hurting himself even more. So he lay there, torn between yelling in frustration and weeping in defeat, he called out weakly, “Cid?!”
Cid hadn’t planned to follow, but Tseng had made him realize that if Vincent did need help, they would not hear him from so far away, especially with water running. As he tailed Vincent down the hallway, Cid realized sadly that following someone into the shower was probably not the creepiest thing he’d ever done. Hell, he thought, it prob’ly ain’t even the creepiest thing I’ve done t’Vincent. But the time to back off had passed; now if he became any less affectionate than he had been, Vincent would ask if Cid perhaps didn’t want him anymore, and words would do nothing to assure him otherwise. Why’d I hafta go an’ fall fer somebody so difficult? The shirt he was wearing was itchy.
When Vincent had asked Tseng to bring him clothes, he had also directed him to buy a casual outfit or two for Cid so he wouldn’t have to keep running home to change. As a result, Cid was stuck in unfamiliar clothes, complete with boxers beneath the plaid shorts. He hated wearing layers, but he wouldn’t waste what was essentially a gift. He took his time in getting to the room, and arrived when Vincent had just finished undressing. He waited until Vincent had turned on the water to step fully into the area, and was almost grateful when everything appeared to be going smoothly in the beginning.
Keeping still after hearing the fall was the hardest thing Cid had ever done. He forced himself to wait, knowing that if he approached before Vincent asked for help, the deal would be considered void and Vincent would struggle through leaving on his own. When the call came, Cid realized that he was also grateful for the underwear; he stripped to that and approached Vincent calmly. Something twisted in his chest as the sight of Vincent sitting there in pain met his eyes, and he knew that he had to get Vincent out of the water to let him start breathing a bit better before they tried this again.
Carefully, knowing also that trying to pull Vincent to his feet would be dangerous for them both, he slipped one arm around Vincent’s back and worked the other under his knees, making sure to keep Vincent’s face and chest safe from the spray. Cid set him gently in the chair he’d been using before and went back to the shower to turn off the water.
“You knew,” Vincent panted angrily, wanting to hit Cid and having to satisfy himself with glaring instead. “Dammit, you knew!” He didn’t like being reduced to something so pathetic, weak and useless. He cheeks were flagged the bright pink of shame, and he shook with each breath he took. Why hadn’t he thought to use the damned seat he was sitting on! That’s what it was for, and now Cid had to play nursemaid to him. He’d never be able to live this one down. What’s worse he had made a bargain, and now Cid had to be exposed to his horrific past. “Don’t make me,” he pleaded desperately, trying to reach for Cid’s shoulder but stopping before he could extend his arm all the way, as a slice of pain shot through his chest. “Please, don’t make me take you with me. Leave me this, Cid, I beg you.”
“Don’t,” Cid answered. “Don’t beg me, ‘cause I can’t stand that. I’ll give in if it’s you, an’ I can’t give in, not on this.” He squatted beside Vincent’s chair. “I don’t know what it is you need t’do, but whatever it is, I won’t ask any questions. You don’t need t’explain anything t’me. Just let me go with you, let me make sure this doesn’t happen somewhere where nobody c’n help you. Don’t you see? If you make me stay, if you get hurt, then it’s my fault. I couldn’t stay with you if I let that happen, but I can’t give you up either. And if you die, Vincent, like they say you will if y’try it, then you’ll have given me a past t’be ashamed of.” He didn’t know what else to say or do; the battle appeared to be over, but neither of them had really won.
“You’ll hate me,” Vincent blurted in a whisper, now keenly aware of his nearly cadaverous-looking body with all of its hideous scars. “I don’t want you to see it. I don’t-” He fell silent, eyes downcast in defeat. “What I’ve done…please…” he breathed, as an emotionally wrought tear finally leaked free to join the water now streaking his cheeks, wet hair laying in wilted, dirty streaks around his pale face. He was well and truly trapped now, Cid having masterfully played his guilt to his own advantage.
“I could never hate you. Not ever. I came t’understand a long time ago that we’ve all done things we’d rather not remember…Vincent, I can’t judge you fer anything you’ve done. I know that I don’t know you. I’ve known that for a long time. I don’t have it in me t’hate you. I only love you more for goin’ on livin’ after doin’ things that make you hate yerself.” He grew more and more concerned, however, about just what tomorrow would bring that was so awful. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up so you c’n go back t’restin’. They were in there changin’ th’sheets an’ all when I left, so you oughta sleep a lot better t’night.” He stood again and held his arms out to Vincent, not willing to push him anymore.
Vincent nodded, taking a shuddering breath and clasped Cid’s arms, but when the cop went to lift him, he gave a grunt and a soft cry. “Cid, I can’t…hurts.” He let go of Cid’s arms and gripped the sides of the seat instead. But he desperately wanted to be clean! He began to shiver from the chill in the air on his wet, naked skin. “Have to…stay seated…” He ground his teeth in frustration. “Again.” And this time, though he struggled, he bit it lip and actually made it up. While he leaned on the wall, Cid positioned the seat in the shower and helped him to sit down.
Cid kept the water off Vincent until it was a suitable temperature, and then he took the soap in hand and had Vincent lean forward so he could wash his back. Ignorant, or perhaps unmindful, of the fact that Vincent had already washed his body to some degree, Cid repeated the process tenderly, lovingly, and with a weight in his chest that made him feel as if he were to blame for all of Vincent’s sadness. He cupped his hands and caught some water to rinse Vincent’s back so he wouldn’t have to lean over so far, and made sure all the soap was driven away before he made to reach for the shampoo. Something stopped him, and he just stood at Vincent’s side for a moment before turning the other man’s face toward him. “Vincent? I need you t’tell me it’s gonna be okay.”
As Cid washed him, Vincent let his thoughts drift away with the water. He swayed a little with the motion of Cid’s scrubbing, staring vacantly at the wall and blinking slowly. The pain had died down to a tolerable throbbing burn, and when Cid turned his face toward him, Vincent met the blue eyes evenly, if a little glazed. Cid was speaking. Vincent frowned slightly and blinked in confusion. “Okay?”
Cid couldn’t answer; he didn’t know how. He shook his head instead and grabbed the shampoo. “That’s all right,” he whispered, smiling softly. “It will be. I just wanted t’make sure I hadn’t lost ya again.” He directed the water a bit differently so that it sufficiently wet Vincent’s hair, and then Cid walked around to the back of the chair and began massaging Vincent’s scalp, watching the shampoo lather. He had to add more shampoo several times, but found that he thoroughly enjoyed being able to help Vincent this way. He made his way around to the front to make sure all the blood and grime got washed out.
There was something profoundly soothing about Cid’s strong fingers in his hair, and Vincent’s eyelids grew heavy. When he opened his eyes again the golden, toned expanse of Cid’s stomach met his gaze. He watched the water glisten on Cid’s flesh, running down in thin streams, dancing and swerving around the hairs the droplets encountered on their way down. He reached up and traced the defined muscles, noting the differences in their coloring. His long fingers and pale skin made nearly gray now with infirmity stood out in blatant contrast to Cid’s healthy glow. How different they were! He grew unspeakably sad as he gently stroked over the skin under his fingers, tracing a tiny scar he found there that he had never noticed before. I’m sorry, he thought, his eyes filling again, such vastly different worlds aren’t they? Why must I be such a coward? Then, without thinking he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Cid’s waist, and pressed his cheek against the warm, smooth skin his fingers had been stroking only a second ago. You’re so perfect, he thought, spreading his palms to rest flat against Cid’s strong back. I want to be like you, healthy and strong. I don’t want to be ugly anymore. It felt good to hold Cid, to press against the strong body as though to embrace hope itself.
Cid paused and made a startled sound, but smiled after realizing that Vincent had not simply slumped against him. He closed his eyes and relaxed, inadvertently leaning into Vincent. Cid’s hands went back to Vincent’s head, scrubbing more although it was unnecessary. His head dropped forward a bit, but the smile stayed in place. Speaking would ruin this moment, so Cid kept his mouth shut, but his thoughts were of Vincent. I love you so much. You’re perfect, y’know that? Nobody holds me. Nobody but you. Thank you, Vincent.
Cid’s fingers were doing an exceedingly good job at relaxing him, and before long his arms relaxed and began to slip from the narrow waist. Coupled with the warm water gently beating down against his back, Vincent began to drift off to sleep.
When he noticed that Vincent was making less of an effort to keep his arms where they were, Cid started to pull away gently…and then jerked back quickly when he saw that Vincent was not entirely responsive. The movement woke Vincent, and Cid sighed in relief. “Don’t do that!” he scolded in a near whine, laughing a little at the thought of Vincent falling asleep on him. “Come on. We’ll rinse out yer hair, an’ then you c’n take a nap.” He had to guide Vincent to stand and lean against him to make sure no leftover shampoo or soap was hiding; it wouldn’t do for Vincent to spend the rest of the day itching. When that was done, Cid deposited Vincent in another of the chairs outside the shower and cut off the water. There was a rack of clean towels, and Cid went for those after stripping off his wet boxers. He dried himself quickly and then returned to Vincent. As he handed over a second towel, he paused. “You, uh, didn’t bring anything t’change into, did ya?”
Vincent, mind still drowsy and a little disoriented, blushed. “No.” He began to dry himself off as best he could, but could only manage his chest, belly, groin and thighs. His reach was so restricted that he couldn’t even reach around to dry his arms. He touched the scar from his surgery hesitantly; he winced at what he must look like. “I imagine I must look rather like an autopsy corpse now,” he said softly. “I’m sorry you have to look at this.”
Cid considered this for a moment. “Well, I never wanted t’kiss a corpse, but I wanna kiss you. Guess that speaks fer somethin’.” He took the towel from Vincent’s hands and dried his shoulders and upper back, then went to his knees to finish the rest. Finally all that was left was the part Vincent was sitting on, and Cid led him to stand again, still leaning against him, and did the best he could. Vincent’s hair was still wet, so he squeezed it with the towel a few times until it looked like it would dry on its own. “Can I? M’afraid I have tea-breath, but that’s prob’ly better’n corpse breath,” he said in a serious tone, eyes sparkling and mouth twitching at both corners.
Vincent fought his own grin as he slowly draped his arms over Cid’s shoulders and pressed his naked body against Cid’s. “So you are agreeing with me then, I do look like a corpse.” He threaded his fingers through Cid’s damp hair. “Hell of a party trick, lay me out in a suit on the couch, tell everyone that you see dead people. And it’s may I, not can I…and you may.”
Cid let his arms slide around Vincent’s waist as the grin finally broke through. “Prettiest damn corpse I ever saw,” he said cheerfully. “I don’t put much stock in that whole speakin’ proper bullshit, y’know. Makes ya sound rich, an’ I ain’t.” He took the invitation anyway, taking his time as he pressed his lips to Vincent’s cheek and then slid them over, reaching up slightly to peck at the tip of his nose, grin still obvious. Finally, his lips met Vincent’s, and he could have sworn that he was not the only who moved to make that happen.
Vincent took his time, welcoming the wet, firm lips upon his own. He sighed, deepening the kiss by sliding his tongue into Cid’s mouth. While one hand remained around Cid’s neck and in the man’s hair, his other hand slid down the cop’s chest and around to grip and squeeze a very firm buttock. Breaking the kiss too soon for either of them, but not soon enough for his lungs, he brought his mouth around to Cid’s ear, brushing the man’s earlobe with his lips before whispering, “True wealth is not measured in gil and possessions, Cid.” He took a moment to suck on Cid’s earlobe before, “And Cid Highwind, you are the richest man in the world.”
“You’re right about that,” he said lazily, “’cause I have you.” He swallowed audibly; Vincent affected him far too easily. Cid realized then that he was worrying over nothing. He was perfectly content to stand here with his arms around Vincent, their bodies warm and close. Naturally, what he was content to do was something they could not do. “We’d better get back,” Cid said on a sigh. “Here-” he cut himself off by reaching back with one arm to grope for his shirt, which, amazingly, he found. “You put on this, an’ if it ain’t long enough, we’ll steal a towel, how’s that? Can’t have ya putting th’dirty stuff back on. An’ let’s face it,” he said, helping to slip the neck over Vincent’s head when the other’s arms became too heavy, “ain’t nobody gonna complain about me walkin’ aroun’ half-naked.” He finished with a grin and left Vincent to lean against the wall while he quickly pulled on his shorts again.
Vincent watched Cid pulling on his pants appreciatively, one eyebrow raised. “I know I won’t.” He breathed, lifting the neck of Cid’s shirt up so that he could sniff it, inhaling the scent that was unique only to Cid. He hummed softly, letting his eyes drift shut and a small smile tug the corners of his lips up. His grin widened when he looked down at the shirt that literally hung off him. He had been lean to begin with, but his short tenure in hospital and the fact that he had hardly eaten anything substantial, had caused him to drop several more pounds so that Cid’s shirt now swamped him, hanging nearly down to mid-thigh. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, eyes roaming over the broad expanse of Cid’s muscled chest, “I have never considered myself a jealous man, but as of right now I have proven myself wrong. I am jealous of you; your strength, your body…your heart.” He ended softly, placing his palm over Cid’s heart.
“No need t’be jealous,” Cid said, covering Vincent’s hand with his. “It all belongs t’you.” He grinned. “I expect ya t’take proper advantage o’ that soon as y’recover from that surgery.” After dumping the used towels in the proper area, Cid returned to Vincent and put his hands on his hips. “Th’way I look at it, you got three options. You c’n walk back, I c’n go getcha a chair, or I c’n carry ya back. One way or th’other, you gotta get yerself back in bed an’ back on that oxygen,” he said sternly, attempting to wrap a new towel around Vincent’s waist and failing to make it stay.
A coy little smile appeared on Vincent’s lips and he batted his eyelashes. “Are you going to sweep me off of my feet or stare at my ass that you can’t seem to keep covered? I have no particular desire to be pushed back to my room like an old man. The choice is yours.” His voice was neutral, but his eyes sparkled.
Cid grinned again. “Mebbe I’ll toss ya over m’shoulder an’ do both, whaddaya say? Nah, ‘cause then ever’body else could see, too. I’ll just get my fill now, shall I?” he asked, eyebrow raised as he abandoned his efforts to keep Vincent covered and just grabbed his ass with both hands instead. “Mm,” he hummed contentedly, kissing Vincent’s neck. “Y’make it so easy t’be crazy about ya, y’know that?” he whispered, squeezing roughly before stepping back and wrapping the towel around Vincent again, this time succeeding in making it at least look like it was going to stay up. “I know y’d rather walk, but I think that’d be a bit too much right now,” he said, and guided Vincent to hold onto him with one hand and the towel with the other as he carefully hoisted the other man into his arms.
He’d come back for their clothes once Vincent was safely back in his bed.
Cid’s rough hands squeezing his ass made Vincent moan softly, and his body to come alive as his heart proved more than capable of sending blood south. Once he was secured in Cid’s strong arms, he wrapped his own around Cid’s neck and buried his nose in the blond hair behind Cid’s ear. He breathed as deeply as he could for several breaths before he began to nuzzle the back of Cid’s ear. “My hero,” he rumbled. Grinning, he licked the shell of Cid’s ear, gently nipping Cid’s earlobe, before he said softly, “The things I want to do to you…I want your hands on me, everywhere, rough, soft, moving…thrusting.” His grin widened when he felt Cid shudder around him. “But don’t tell anyone,” he whispered. “I have a reputation to maintain.”
After a momentary pause and a concentrated effort to keep himself from crushing Vincent to him and doing everything Vincent had listed, Cid snorted and shook his head. “Y’re bad, y’know that?” he asked with a grin. “I can be too. Maybe I will tell somebody. Maybe I’ll tell everybody. Tell ‘em all how bad y’want me.” Cid stole another quick kiss, staking his claim the only way he could right now. “Th’great Vincent Valentine, swept clear off ‘is feet by that one guy nobody knows.” Grin still in place, he took a few more precious minutes to keep Vincent close to him -and to collect himself- before opening the door and beginning the short walk back to Vincent’s room.
“You’d better hope it stays that way, Cid.” Vincent said, sobering. “If it got out that you mean that much to me then they’ll use you against me in every way possible.” His tone turned wry. “And if you tell anyone that you carried me like this, then you’ll be running from me as well.”
“Or maybe I’d let ya catch me,” he said, winking and choosing to ignore the first part. They didn’t need anything else to be worried about. “So y’re sayin’ y’want me t’put ya down outside yer room so yer Tseng don’t see it?”
Vincent snorted. “No. And you’ll live.”
Cid snickered and maneuvered his arm so that he could open the heavy door to Vincent’s room. It was empty, which surprised him; he’d expected Bugenhagen to be waiting. Taking his time to enjoy holding Vincent, Cid carefully set him back in bed. “I’ll be right back.” As per his promise to Bugenhagen, Cid caught a dazed-looking nurse on his way out and informed her that Vincent needed the oxygen again rather than trying to figure it out himself. He was back with their discarded clothes within minutes, and decided he wasn’t going to bother putting on another shirt.
Vincent was eyeing Cid’s bared chest hungrily when a younger nurse came in, got a look at Cid and promptly blushed. Vincent, for his part, felt an unexpected flare of jealousy and thought, mine, as he pinned her with a warning red stare. Clearing her throat, she reached around him and retrieved his oxygen mask, and situated it over his mouth and nose. Then, still watching Cid out of the corner of her eye, she placed the earbuds of the stethoscope she had in her ears and began lifting up Vincent’s shirt to listen to his heart, not paying attention to the nude state of the lower half of his body. As Vincent watched her, a brow slowly crept up and he fought a chuckle as she looked away from Cid and right down into his naked lap and turned purple. He then twisted the knife a bit by shifting his hips and parting his legs a little in an act of “getting comfortable”. The nurse’s eyes widened as she squeaked, lunged for his blankets and drug them up and over his lap and with a hastily muttered, “I’ll just come back later shall I?” and left. Vincent snickered, having thoroughly enjoyed that. *
Cid, on the other hand, was frowning at the loss of the sight of Vincent’s naked lower half. He was also oddly tickled that the nurse had taken notice of him even though Vincent had been present, though he couldn’t bring himself to be too happy. If it had been that cute male nurse from the ward near the gift shop… Anyway. He walked to the other side of Vincent’s bed and made the other man scoot over. It was easier to fit in the bed now that Vincent was awake and willing to help him share space. With a warm sigh, he slipped one hand under the blanket and found Vincent’s thigh to squeeze. “How ‘bout I watch for ‘er t’start comin’ back, an’ you c’n pin me down an’ kiss me so as she don’t look my way again without thinkin’ about that?”
Vincent grinned behind his mask and when he spoke his voice was muffled. “Don’t tempt me. Are you really that opposed to women, Cid?”
Cid nodded without even needing to consider his answer. “I mean, they’re fine as friends an’ all, just…touchin’ ‘em an’ all, I don’t like that. Plus I don’t hafta worry ‘bout bein’ too rough if I’m with somebody built a little sturdier, right? But sturdy women’re scary, y’know?” He shook his head. “Not t’mention I never met one yet t’make me wanna jump in th’sack with ‘er. Naw, I’m better off with you,” he finished, grinning.
Vincent chuckled and shook his head. “I suppose I’ll never understand. I mean, they’re exquisite creatures, soft and gentle, and they smell wonderful…” he paused a moment, then finished wryly, “…when they remember to bathe. But…” he sighed, looking up at Cid and bringing his hand up to cup the stubbly jaw, he frowned. “You’re getting hairy again.”
“Well, whaddaya expect? I been here fer days.” Eyebrow raised, he asked, “If I go take care of it right now, y’gonna tell me how sexy I am again?”
“Hm,” Vincent murmured, idly playing his fingers over Cid’s chin. “I’ll take you, how did you put it? Ah, yes, I believe you called it ‘rugged’…for now. But if you’re going to put your lips on my body again, we’re going to have to do something about that stubble.”
“Some people like how it scratches, y’know,” Cid teased, closing his eyes and all but melting into Vincent’s touch. “Fuck, I’m so lucky,” he sighed, opening his mouth and attempting to take in Vincent’s wandering fingers.
“Lucky,” Vincent breathed behind his mask, watching captivated by Cid’s lips. He shuddered when his first two fingers found themselves pulled into the wet cavern of Cid’s mouth. “Oh my,” he whispered, blinking quickly as Cid’s tongue slowly laved his fingers. His cock began to stir and heart rate sped up. “And I suppose” --he had to swallow around a suddenly dry throat before he could finish-- “you know all about that.” *
Cid half-opened his eyes and looked up at Vincent. He was far too involved in watching Vincent’s face to hear his question properly, much less answer it, and he was only partially aware of someone else entering the room as a satisfied rumble left his chest.
Upon seeing the two men in an obviously intimate position, Dr. Bugenhagen flushed in embarrassment and looked away, clearing his throat. “Excuse me gentlemen, but that may not be the best activity to engage in at the moment, given Mr. Valentine’s condition. Oh, and Mr. Highwind, there’s a man here to see you, he’s waiting out in the hall.”
Slowly and very, very reluctantly, Cid began to draw away- and then gave Vincent the best evil grin he could with his mouth still occupied. He sucked hard and made sure Bugenhagen heard the wet pop as Vincent’s fingers came free. Then the second half of the message caught up to him, and he set to worrying about just who would be waiting for him. Perhaps it would be best if he found a shirt to put on, but he was not willing to take the one off Vincent’s back. There was another one in a slightly different color left in the pack, and he pulled it over his head, kissed Vincent’s forehead, and promised to be back soon.
Vincent made a soft sound of disappointment before sighing and nodding. Once Cid was gone he frowned. Who was waiting for Cid?
Authors: silence_laughs and calvi_sama
Pairing: Cid x Vincent
Rating: NC-17 (eventually), most certainly R
Disclaimer: We do not in any way own, nor profit from, the characters and/or locations of FFVII, that would all be SquareEnix. Also any other references to persons or products mentioned herein are purely coincidental *coughs*, and where they are not then they belong to their respective writers, producers, directors, or other individuals/companies listed under that sneaky little thing called a "copyright".
Warnings: Adult themes, blood, some violence, language, kidnapping, torture, mentions of abuse, murder, and above all else...yaoi, the 'inappropriate to minors' kind, the 'makes us sit up past our bedtimes reading' kind, 'cause lets face it folks, it just wouldn't be the same without it! >:3
Summary: Even as Cid fights to show Vincent it’s okay to love again, Vincent’s enemies are moving in. Can Cid secure a place in Vincent’s heart before their world falls apart?
A/N: Two things folks: 1) This is an RP and 2) This fic is AU. The usual players here: silence = Cid, and all in Cid's world, and yours truly = Vincent, and all in Vin's world. Easiest way to say it. ^^ This fic is a 'novel'-form piece (ie multi-chapter) that is darker than what we normally write, and out of our comfort zone in the fact that we normally prefer to stick to canon-type stuff. But I got the idea from ani_mama 's artwork (more specifically this picture), persuaded silence to "go along with it", and it's been going 'full steam ahead' since then, and quite grown on us. We hope you all like it! Icon art provided by silk_weaver .
Chapter 49
Vincent was too focused upon keeping his feet under him to notice Tseng’s look at Cid, and once he was on his feet began to make his slow, shuffling and limping way to the shower down the hall, stooped over and hugging the wall for support. If Cid followed then he followed, but Vincent was determined to do this on his own. Once in the bathroom, he laboriously removed the remainder of his clothing, having to stop several times to catch his breath and at one point sitting down on the narrow shower seat that was in the small room. Now fully nude, he sat still and panted, trying to get the lightheaded feeling to go away. When enough time went by, he eased off of the stool and approached the shower, which was just large enough to accommodate two and accessible for someone to assist from outside if necessary. He turned on the water, breathing shallowly from his nose and leaning heavily on the wall as he waited for it to warm.
Finally it was warm enough, and he stepped into the shower. There was a gentle, antibacterial bar of soap and a bottle of shampoo present, and he went for the soap first. As he slowly lathered himself up, luxuriating in the feeling of getting clean again, he actually thought he might be able to accomplish this simple feat on his own. That was until he fell. Having been unable to stand up fully without leaning on something, and weakening quickly, accompanied by the now slick tub he was attempting to stand in, his center of balance was thrown off and he just didn’t have the strength to catch himself. He went down hard and as he landed he felt something rip in his chest and he tasted blood in his mouth shortly thereafter. Whimpering in pain, he reached a trembling hand up to grip the side of the tub and attempted to pull himself up, but only succeeded in hurting himself even more. So he lay there, torn between yelling in frustration and weeping in defeat, he called out weakly, “Cid?!”
Cid hadn’t planned to follow, but Tseng had made him realize that if Vincent did need help, they would not hear him from so far away, especially with water running. As he tailed Vincent down the hallway, Cid realized sadly that following someone into the shower was probably not the creepiest thing he’d ever done. Hell, he thought, it prob’ly ain’t even the creepiest thing I’ve done t’Vincent. But the time to back off had passed; now if he became any less affectionate than he had been, Vincent would ask if Cid perhaps didn’t want him anymore, and words would do nothing to assure him otherwise. Why’d I hafta go an’ fall fer somebody so difficult? The shirt he was wearing was itchy.
When Vincent had asked Tseng to bring him clothes, he had also directed him to buy a casual outfit or two for Cid so he wouldn’t have to keep running home to change. As a result, Cid was stuck in unfamiliar clothes, complete with boxers beneath the plaid shorts. He hated wearing layers, but he wouldn’t waste what was essentially a gift. He took his time in getting to the room, and arrived when Vincent had just finished undressing. He waited until Vincent had turned on the water to step fully into the area, and was almost grateful when everything appeared to be going smoothly in the beginning.
Keeping still after hearing the fall was the hardest thing Cid had ever done. He forced himself to wait, knowing that if he approached before Vincent asked for help, the deal would be considered void and Vincent would struggle through leaving on his own. When the call came, Cid realized that he was also grateful for the underwear; he stripped to that and approached Vincent calmly. Something twisted in his chest as the sight of Vincent sitting there in pain met his eyes, and he knew that he had to get Vincent out of the water to let him start breathing a bit better before they tried this again.
Carefully, knowing also that trying to pull Vincent to his feet would be dangerous for them both, he slipped one arm around Vincent’s back and worked the other under his knees, making sure to keep Vincent’s face and chest safe from the spray. Cid set him gently in the chair he’d been using before and went back to the shower to turn off the water.
“You knew,” Vincent panted angrily, wanting to hit Cid and having to satisfy himself with glaring instead. “Dammit, you knew!” He didn’t like being reduced to something so pathetic, weak and useless. He cheeks were flagged the bright pink of shame, and he shook with each breath he took. Why hadn’t he thought to use the damned seat he was sitting on! That’s what it was for, and now Cid had to play nursemaid to him. He’d never be able to live this one down. What’s worse he had made a bargain, and now Cid had to be exposed to his horrific past. “Don’t make me,” he pleaded desperately, trying to reach for Cid’s shoulder but stopping before he could extend his arm all the way, as a slice of pain shot through his chest. “Please, don’t make me take you with me. Leave me this, Cid, I beg you.”
“Don’t,” Cid answered. “Don’t beg me, ‘cause I can’t stand that. I’ll give in if it’s you, an’ I can’t give in, not on this.” He squatted beside Vincent’s chair. “I don’t know what it is you need t’do, but whatever it is, I won’t ask any questions. You don’t need t’explain anything t’me. Just let me go with you, let me make sure this doesn’t happen somewhere where nobody c’n help you. Don’t you see? If you make me stay, if you get hurt, then it’s my fault. I couldn’t stay with you if I let that happen, but I can’t give you up either. And if you die, Vincent, like they say you will if y’try it, then you’ll have given me a past t’be ashamed of.” He didn’t know what else to say or do; the battle appeared to be over, but neither of them had really won.
“You’ll hate me,” Vincent blurted in a whisper, now keenly aware of his nearly cadaverous-looking body with all of its hideous scars. “I don’t want you to see it. I don’t-” He fell silent, eyes downcast in defeat. “What I’ve done…please…” he breathed, as an emotionally wrought tear finally leaked free to join the water now streaking his cheeks, wet hair laying in wilted, dirty streaks around his pale face. He was well and truly trapped now, Cid having masterfully played his guilt to his own advantage.
“I could never hate you. Not ever. I came t’understand a long time ago that we’ve all done things we’d rather not remember…Vincent, I can’t judge you fer anything you’ve done. I know that I don’t know you. I’ve known that for a long time. I don’t have it in me t’hate you. I only love you more for goin’ on livin’ after doin’ things that make you hate yerself.” He grew more and more concerned, however, about just what tomorrow would bring that was so awful. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up so you c’n go back t’restin’. They were in there changin’ th’sheets an’ all when I left, so you oughta sleep a lot better t’night.” He stood again and held his arms out to Vincent, not willing to push him anymore.
Vincent nodded, taking a shuddering breath and clasped Cid’s arms, but when the cop went to lift him, he gave a grunt and a soft cry. “Cid, I can’t…hurts.” He let go of Cid’s arms and gripped the sides of the seat instead. But he desperately wanted to be clean! He began to shiver from the chill in the air on his wet, naked skin. “Have to…stay seated…” He ground his teeth in frustration. “Again.” And this time, though he struggled, he bit it lip and actually made it up. While he leaned on the wall, Cid positioned the seat in the shower and helped him to sit down.
Cid kept the water off Vincent until it was a suitable temperature, and then he took the soap in hand and had Vincent lean forward so he could wash his back. Ignorant, or perhaps unmindful, of the fact that Vincent had already washed his body to some degree, Cid repeated the process tenderly, lovingly, and with a weight in his chest that made him feel as if he were to blame for all of Vincent’s sadness. He cupped his hands and caught some water to rinse Vincent’s back so he wouldn’t have to lean over so far, and made sure all the soap was driven away before he made to reach for the shampoo. Something stopped him, and he just stood at Vincent’s side for a moment before turning the other man’s face toward him. “Vincent? I need you t’tell me it’s gonna be okay.”
As Cid washed him, Vincent let his thoughts drift away with the water. He swayed a little with the motion of Cid’s scrubbing, staring vacantly at the wall and blinking slowly. The pain had died down to a tolerable throbbing burn, and when Cid turned his face toward him, Vincent met the blue eyes evenly, if a little glazed. Cid was speaking. Vincent frowned slightly and blinked in confusion. “Okay?”
Cid couldn’t answer; he didn’t know how. He shook his head instead and grabbed the shampoo. “That’s all right,” he whispered, smiling softly. “It will be. I just wanted t’make sure I hadn’t lost ya again.” He directed the water a bit differently so that it sufficiently wet Vincent’s hair, and then Cid walked around to the back of the chair and began massaging Vincent’s scalp, watching the shampoo lather. He had to add more shampoo several times, but found that he thoroughly enjoyed being able to help Vincent this way. He made his way around to the front to make sure all the blood and grime got washed out.
There was something profoundly soothing about Cid’s strong fingers in his hair, and Vincent’s eyelids grew heavy. When he opened his eyes again the golden, toned expanse of Cid’s stomach met his gaze. He watched the water glisten on Cid’s flesh, running down in thin streams, dancing and swerving around the hairs the droplets encountered on their way down. He reached up and traced the defined muscles, noting the differences in their coloring. His long fingers and pale skin made nearly gray now with infirmity stood out in blatant contrast to Cid’s healthy glow. How different they were! He grew unspeakably sad as he gently stroked over the skin under his fingers, tracing a tiny scar he found there that he had never noticed before. I’m sorry, he thought, his eyes filling again, such vastly different worlds aren’t they? Why must I be such a coward? Then, without thinking he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Cid’s waist, and pressed his cheek against the warm, smooth skin his fingers had been stroking only a second ago. You’re so perfect, he thought, spreading his palms to rest flat against Cid’s strong back. I want to be like you, healthy and strong. I don’t want to be ugly anymore. It felt good to hold Cid, to press against the strong body as though to embrace hope itself.
Cid paused and made a startled sound, but smiled after realizing that Vincent had not simply slumped against him. He closed his eyes and relaxed, inadvertently leaning into Vincent. Cid’s hands went back to Vincent’s head, scrubbing more although it was unnecessary. His head dropped forward a bit, but the smile stayed in place. Speaking would ruin this moment, so Cid kept his mouth shut, but his thoughts were of Vincent. I love you so much. You’re perfect, y’know that? Nobody holds me. Nobody but you. Thank you, Vincent.
Cid’s fingers were doing an exceedingly good job at relaxing him, and before long his arms relaxed and began to slip from the narrow waist. Coupled with the warm water gently beating down against his back, Vincent began to drift off to sleep.
When he noticed that Vincent was making less of an effort to keep his arms where they were, Cid started to pull away gently…and then jerked back quickly when he saw that Vincent was not entirely responsive. The movement woke Vincent, and Cid sighed in relief. “Don’t do that!” he scolded in a near whine, laughing a little at the thought of Vincent falling asleep on him. “Come on. We’ll rinse out yer hair, an’ then you c’n take a nap.” He had to guide Vincent to stand and lean against him to make sure no leftover shampoo or soap was hiding; it wouldn’t do for Vincent to spend the rest of the day itching. When that was done, Cid deposited Vincent in another of the chairs outside the shower and cut off the water. There was a rack of clean towels, and Cid went for those after stripping off his wet boxers. He dried himself quickly and then returned to Vincent. As he handed over a second towel, he paused. “You, uh, didn’t bring anything t’change into, did ya?”
Vincent, mind still drowsy and a little disoriented, blushed. “No.” He began to dry himself off as best he could, but could only manage his chest, belly, groin and thighs. His reach was so restricted that he couldn’t even reach around to dry his arms. He touched the scar from his surgery hesitantly; he winced at what he must look like. “I imagine I must look rather like an autopsy corpse now,” he said softly. “I’m sorry you have to look at this.”
Cid considered this for a moment. “Well, I never wanted t’kiss a corpse, but I wanna kiss you. Guess that speaks fer somethin’.” He took the towel from Vincent’s hands and dried his shoulders and upper back, then went to his knees to finish the rest. Finally all that was left was the part Vincent was sitting on, and Cid led him to stand again, still leaning against him, and did the best he could. Vincent’s hair was still wet, so he squeezed it with the towel a few times until it looked like it would dry on its own. “Can I? M’afraid I have tea-breath, but that’s prob’ly better’n corpse breath,” he said in a serious tone, eyes sparkling and mouth twitching at both corners.
Vincent fought his own grin as he slowly draped his arms over Cid’s shoulders and pressed his naked body against Cid’s. “So you are agreeing with me then, I do look like a corpse.” He threaded his fingers through Cid’s damp hair. “Hell of a party trick, lay me out in a suit on the couch, tell everyone that you see dead people. And it’s may I, not can I…and you may.”
Cid let his arms slide around Vincent’s waist as the grin finally broke through. “Prettiest damn corpse I ever saw,” he said cheerfully. “I don’t put much stock in that whole speakin’ proper bullshit, y’know. Makes ya sound rich, an’ I ain’t.” He took the invitation anyway, taking his time as he pressed his lips to Vincent’s cheek and then slid them over, reaching up slightly to peck at the tip of his nose, grin still obvious. Finally, his lips met Vincent’s, and he could have sworn that he was not the only who moved to make that happen.
Vincent took his time, welcoming the wet, firm lips upon his own. He sighed, deepening the kiss by sliding his tongue into Cid’s mouth. While one hand remained around Cid’s neck and in the man’s hair, his other hand slid down the cop’s chest and around to grip and squeeze a very firm buttock. Breaking the kiss too soon for either of them, but not soon enough for his lungs, he brought his mouth around to Cid’s ear, brushing the man’s earlobe with his lips before whispering, “True wealth is not measured in gil and possessions, Cid.” He took a moment to suck on Cid’s earlobe before, “And Cid Highwind, you are the richest man in the world.”
“You’re right about that,” he said lazily, “’cause I have you.” He swallowed audibly; Vincent affected him far too easily. Cid realized then that he was worrying over nothing. He was perfectly content to stand here with his arms around Vincent, their bodies warm and close. Naturally, what he was content to do was something they could not do. “We’d better get back,” Cid said on a sigh. “Here-” he cut himself off by reaching back with one arm to grope for his shirt, which, amazingly, he found. “You put on this, an’ if it ain’t long enough, we’ll steal a towel, how’s that? Can’t have ya putting th’dirty stuff back on. An’ let’s face it,” he said, helping to slip the neck over Vincent’s head when the other’s arms became too heavy, “ain’t nobody gonna complain about me walkin’ aroun’ half-naked.” He finished with a grin and left Vincent to lean against the wall while he quickly pulled on his shorts again.
Vincent watched Cid pulling on his pants appreciatively, one eyebrow raised. “I know I won’t.” He breathed, lifting the neck of Cid’s shirt up so that he could sniff it, inhaling the scent that was unique only to Cid. He hummed softly, letting his eyes drift shut and a small smile tug the corners of his lips up. His grin widened when he looked down at the shirt that literally hung off him. He had been lean to begin with, but his short tenure in hospital and the fact that he had hardly eaten anything substantial, had caused him to drop several more pounds so that Cid’s shirt now swamped him, hanging nearly down to mid-thigh. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, eyes roaming over the broad expanse of Cid’s muscled chest, “I have never considered myself a jealous man, but as of right now I have proven myself wrong. I am jealous of you; your strength, your body…your heart.” He ended softly, placing his palm over Cid’s heart.
“No need t’be jealous,” Cid said, covering Vincent’s hand with his. “It all belongs t’you.” He grinned. “I expect ya t’take proper advantage o’ that soon as y’recover from that surgery.” After dumping the used towels in the proper area, Cid returned to Vincent and put his hands on his hips. “Th’way I look at it, you got three options. You c’n walk back, I c’n go getcha a chair, or I c’n carry ya back. One way or th’other, you gotta get yerself back in bed an’ back on that oxygen,” he said sternly, attempting to wrap a new towel around Vincent’s waist and failing to make it stay.
A coy little smile appeared on Vincent’s lips and he batted his eyelashes. “Are you going to sweep me off of my feet or stare at my ass that you can’t seem to keep covered? I have no particular desire to be pushed back to my room like an old man. The choice is yours.” His voice was neutral, but his eyes sparkled.
Cid grinned again. “Mebbe I’ll toss ya over m’shoulder an’ do both, whaddaya say? Nah, ‘cause then ever’body else could see, too. I’ll just get my fill now, shall I?” he asked, eyebrow raised as he abandoned his efforts to keep Vincent covered and just grabbed his ass with both hands instead. “Mm,” he hummed contentedly, kissing Vincent’s neck. “Y’make it so easy t’be crazy about ya, y’know that?” he whispered, squeezing roughly before stepping back and wrapping the towel around Vincent again, this time succeeding in making it at least look like it was going to stay up. “I know y’d rather walk, but I think that’d be a bit too much right now,” he said, and guided Vincent to hold onto him with one hand and the towel with the other as he carefully hoisted the other man into his arms.
He’d come back for their clothes once Vincent was safely back in his bed.
Cid’s rough hands squeezing his ass made Vincent moan softly, and his body to come alive as his heart proved more than capable of sending blood south. Once he was secured in Cid’s strong arms, he wrapped his own around Cid’s neck and buried his nose in the blond hair behind Cid’s ear. He breathed as deeply as he could for several breaths before he began to nuzzle the back of Cid’s ear. “My hero,” he rumbled. Grinning, he licked the shell of Cid’s ear, gently nipping Cid’s earlobe, before he said softly, “The things I want to do to you…I want your hands on me, everywhere, rough, soft, moving…thrusting.” His grin widened when he felt Cid shudder around him. “But don’t tell anyone,” he whispered. “I have a reputation to maintain.”
After a momentary pause and a concentrated effort to keep himself from crushing Vincent to him and doing everything Vincent had listed, Cid snorted and shook his head. “Y’re bad, y’know that?” he asked with a grin. “I can be too. Maybe I will tell somebody. Maybe I’ll tell everybody. Tell ‘em all how bad y’want me.” Cid stole another quick kiss, staking his claim the only way he could right now. “Th’great Vincent Valentine, swept clear off ‘is feet by that one guy nobody knows.” Grin still in place, he took a few more precious minutes to keep Vincent close to him -and to collect himself- before opening the door and beginning the short walk back to Vincent’s room.
“You’d better hope it stays that way, Cid.” Vincent said, sobering. “If it got out that you mean that much to me then they’ll use you against me in every way possible.” His tone turned wry. “And if you tell anyone that you carried me like this, then you’ll be running from me as well.”
“Or maybe I’d let ya catch me,” he said, winking and choosing to ignore the first part. They didn’t need anything else to be worried about. “So y’re sayin’ y’want me t’put ya down outside yer room so yer Tseng don’t see it?”
Vincent snorted. “No. And you’ll live.”
Cid snickered and maneuvered his arm so that he could open the heavy door to Vincent’s room. It was empty, which surprised him; he’d expected Bugenhagen to be waiting. Taking his time to enjoy holding Vincent, Cid carefully set him back in bed. “I’ll be right back.” As per his promise to Bugenhagen, Cid caught a dazed-looking nurse on his way out and informed her that Vincent needed the oxygen again rather than trying to figure it out himself. He was back with their discarded clothes within minutes, and decided he wasn’t going to bother putting on another shirt.
Vincent was eyeing Cid’s bared chest hungrily when a younger nurse came in, got a look at Cid and promptly blushed. Vincent, for his part, felt an unexpected flare of jealousy and thought, mine, as he pinned her with a warning red stare. Clearing her throat, she reached around him and retrieved his oxygen mask, and situated it over his mouth and nose. Then, still watching Cid out of the corner of her eye, she placed the earbuds of the stethoscope she had in her ears and began lifting up Vincent’s shirt to listen to his heart, not paying attention to the nude state of the lower half of his body. As Vincent watched her, a brow slowly crept up and he fought a chuckle as she looked away from Cid and right down into his naked lap and turned purple. He then twisted the knife a bit by shifting his hips and parting his legs a little in an act of “getting comfortable”. The nurse’s eyes widened as she squeaked, lunged for his blankets and drug them up and over his lap and with a hastily muttered, “I’ll just come back later shall I?” and left. Vincent snickered, having thoroughly enjoyed that. *
Cid, on the other hand, was frowning at the loss of the sight of Vincent’s naked lower half. He was also oddly tickled that the nurse had taken notice of him even though Vincent had been present, though he couldn’t bring himself to be too happy. If it had been that cute male nurse from the ward near the gift shop… Anyway. He walked to the other side of Vincent’s bed and made the other man scoot over. It was easier to fit in the bed now that Vincent was awake and willing to help him share space. With a warm sigh, he slipped one hand under the blanket and found Vincent’s thigh to squeeze. “How ‘bout I watch for ‘er t’start comin’ back, an’ you c’n pin me down an’ kiss me so as she don’t look my way again without thinkin’ about that?”
Vincent grinned behind his mask and when he spoke his voice was muffled. “Don’t tempt me. Are you really that opposed to women, Cid?”
Cid nodded without even needing to consider his answer. “I mean, they’re fine as friends an’ all, just…touchin’ ‘em an’ all, I don’t like that. Plus I don’t hafta worry ‘bout bein’ too rough if I’m with somebody built a little sturdier, right? But sturdy women’re scary, y’know?” He shook his head. “Not t’mention I never met one yet t’make me wanna jump in th’sack with ‘er. Naw, I’m better off with you,” he finished, grinning.
Vincent chuckled and shook his head. “I suppose I’ll never understand. I mean, they’re exquisite creatures, soft and gentle, and they smell wonderful…” he paused a moment, then finished wryly, “…when they remember to bathe. But…” he sighed, looking up at Cid and bringing his hand up to cup the stubbly jaw, he frowned. “You’re getting hairy again.”
“Well, whaddaya expect? I been here fer days.” Eyebrow raised, he asked, “If I go take care of it right now, y’gonna tell me how sexy I am again?”
“Hm,” Vincent murmured, idly playing his fingers over Cid’s chin. “I’ll take you, how did you put it? Ah, yes, I believe you called it ‘rugged’…for now. But if you’re going to put your lips on my body again, we’re going to have to do something about that stubble.”
“Some people like how it scratches, y’know,” Cid teased, closing his eyes and all but melting into Vincent’s touch. “Fuck, I’m so lucky,” he sighed, opening his mouth and attempting to take in Vincent’s wandering fingers.
“Lucky,” Vincent breathed behind his mask, watching captivated by Cid’s lips. He shuddered when his first two fingers found themselves pulled into the wet cavern of Cid’s mouth. “Oh my,” he whispered, blinking quickly as Cid’s tongue slowly laved his fingers. His cock began to stir and heart rate sped up. “And I suppose” --he had to swallow around a suddenly dry throat before he could finish-- “you know all about that.” *
Cid half-opened his eyes and looked up at Vincent. He was far too involved in watching Vincent’s face to hear his question properly, much less answer it, and he was only partially aware of someone else entering the room as a satisfied rumble left his chest.
Upon seeing the two men in an obviously intimate position, Dr. Bugenhagen flushed in embarrassment and looked away, clearing his throat. “Excuse me gentlemen, but that may not be the best activity to engage in at the moment, given Mr. Valentine’s condition. Oh, and Mr. Highwind, there’s a man here to see you, he’s waiting out in the hall.”
Slowly and very, very reluctantly, Cid began to draw away- and then gave Vincent the best evil grin he could with his mouth still occupied. He sucked hard and made sure Bugenhagen heard the wet pop as Vincent’s fingers came free. Then the second half of the message caught up to him, and he set to worrying about just who would be waiting for him. Perhaps it would be best if he found a shirt to put on, but he was not willing to take the one off Vincent’s back. There was another one in a slightly different color left in the pack, and he pulled it over his head, kissed Vincent’s forehead, and promised to be back soon.
Vincent made a soft sound of disappointment before sighing and nodding. Once Cid was gone he frowned. Who was waiting for Cid?