fic post: Supernatural Limericks (with porn)
Title: Supernatural Limericks (with porn)
Author: celtic_forest
Rated: NC-17
Genre: Crack
Length: 1060 words
Pairings: It's complicated. Basically sort of Sam/Dean.
Spoilers: Through Season 5, and probably some brain cells.
Disclaimer: I don't admit to owning anything, especially this.
Summary/Warnings: Too many to fit in this line,
but the squicks are just quick and they rhyme.
Yep, these are actual
limericks Supernatural,
our Show we no longer for pine!
Now with podfic! Supernatural Limericks (with porn) mp3 (permanent archive link)
Supernatural Limericks (with porn)
Dim the lights, hit the couch, bring a snack
because Sam, real or pseudo, is back!
A new season's quest,
destiny manifest,
Whatevs - put our boys Back in Black!
Their mother was killed by a demon.
Their father swore he would get even.
So every Thursday
a monster they'd slay,
but fuck that shit post second season.
They looked for their father - "Where'd he go?"
Better find him, 'cause Sam's gettin' emo.
Coordinates and a map,
M&Ms and a trap--
The bastard slipped them a wendigo!
The motels are delightfully kitsch;
Sam's visage is that of a bitch.
They have a cool ride,
they get homemade pie,
and the back of Dean's neck has an itch.
What's with all the gnashin' and wailin'?
This apocalypse seems to be failin'.
Oh, heaven forfend,
We are near The End
When the headline reads "President Palin"!
Over trust issues, Sam called it quits.
Both bro's were miserable split.
A terrible fight,
yet one side was bright:
the make-up Wincest was worth it!
Ever since Cain and Abel (not Jake)
did destiny these brothers make.
Born by burned Mom
to be worn to the prom;
turns out that they weren't a cheap date.
Only one (manly) tear will Dean cry,
making fangirls synchronously sigh.
Much of our slash
mourns each small splash
for the little boy broken inside.
Though his sons carried on waywardly,
absent JDM (surprise!) didn't see.
We wanted him on
but he wrote a "Dear John,"
his career'd grown too big for TV.
The spn team took ground they thought high;
they'd not stoop to apocalypti.
But it's just rhetoric
(their ass Buffy can kick)
their ground sinks every time the boys die.
Sera, thank god, understands
where the heart of the show truly lands.
This epic love story,
sometimes a bit gory,
is now in her capable hands.
In fanfic there's a revolution.
Here's a hint: it involves elocution.
For podfic three cheers!
Podfic hear hear hear!
jinjur's archive is an institution!
Sock puppet, blindfold, anonymous;
alter ego revealed non-eponymous.
It's disturbing to see
ruthlessness tinged with glee.
Which ego is really the alter-us?
There once was a prophet named Chuck
who wrote about brothers who fuck.
The Winchester gospels,
with few fans apostles,
Were in bargain bins sold for a buck.
Dean's luscious cock-sucking lips
have launched some of our favorite 'ships.
That man can rock
healing power of cock.
And his body? No need for manips!
His improbably gorgeous eyelashes
have featured in many fic slashes.
Yes, I'm still on Dean
(ooh, that came out keen).
But why waste lighters? Throw matches!
Now on Sammy, where should I start?
With the quick beat of my tell-tale Heart?
His hair is so hot
(except when it's not)
I just wish that he wouldn't fart!
Wrong choices for all the right reasons.
A slow learning curve - near five seasons.
He tries to be good
but he keeps popping wood
for petite brunette blood-sucking demons.
(no offence, or canon accuracy, intended)
My three favorite boys hail from Texas,
whence steers and queers - know what my guess is?
(Kane's in this fandom
with more links than random.)
The lone star state's a hot guy nexus!
First came Clowana's cock ad
Then Crowley made Eliot mad
Steve's at conventions
His songs are part Jensen's
In fic, Christian plays Jensen's Chad
Starting with info canonical
(just a bit - use it economical)
add imagination
and soon you'll be takin'
the boys on a trip anatomical!
As normal taboos we surpass,
let's face it, fangirls can be crass.
"That pink puckered rose
caught in passionate throes…"
We're obsessed with a cock up the ass!
Beg pardon, gen, het and femslash.
Fandom does not act en mass.
There's plenty of choice
for everyone's voice
making a delightful mish-mash.
There are reasons some things become trope.
(I mean besides dropping the soap.)
Like, Sam looks so good
on the Impala's hood,
for Dean's virtue there isn't a hope!
Sometimes the boys must fuck or die.
(Happens more than to typical guys.)
It's a way to first-time them;
metaphorical hymen.
Once broken, they don't seem to mind.
"You'll come - oh god - just on my cock!"
(Yeah sure, 'cause that happens a lot.)
But with prostate fic magic
it's always orgasmic,
so who cares who's bottom or top?
I'm trying to hit everyone's kink
(a task Herculean, I think).
But if it can be done
this fandom's the one
because BB, we all need a shrink.
Just ignore basic facts of anatomy
(while you're at it, let go of reality)
'cause whatever they do
through a hole made for poo,
mpreg is an impracticality!
With affection we call them "Padackles,"
though rpf raises some hackles.
We don't aim to be mean,
but our minds just aren't clean,
not when it comes to tentacles!
Whoever his partner might be,
I'll bet that they're frequently
in positions contortional
'cause Jared's proportional
if fandom guessed correctly!
Cas and Dean have their moments, it's true.
And his eyes are incredibly blue.
Was it just me who thunk
that all angels lacked junk?
I'm not clear on what those two do.
Apparently wings are involved.
Don't the feathers get sticky and mauled?
OK, you guessed it:
they aren't my 'ship.
But by fanart of Cas I'm enthralled.
There's "weecest?" We should be aghast!
Then why are we having a blast?
If they've hit puberty
Then writers, feel free,
'cause their epic love's built on their past!
Curtains, hurt/comfort and cuddling,
Ink, bondage, watersports puddling.
And after all that
we're faced with a yak.
The porn in this fandom's befuddling!
A mind open wide can be gnarly
when kinks vary widely and farly.
One woman's squee
another may flee.
But seriously, really, with Harley?
We know porn can get to the best of us --
about some posts we're downright impetuous.
I'll sleep when I'm dead,
there're Big Bangs to be read.
I'll take my slash male and incestuous!
Hope you've had fun with these rhymes that I've spun!
(I've had a ton since this nonsense begun.)
I'm done after one
about Show's vacation,
and I'm not gonna pardon the pun!
When Show goes on break, seems they hate us
'cause with promos and spoilers they bait us.
We might feel blue,
but it's *literally* true
when Adam and Sam say, "hell-ate-us."
Author: celtic_forest
Rated: NC-17
Genre: Crack
Length: 1060 words
Pairings: It's complicated. Basically sort of Sam/Dean.
Spoilers: Through Season 5, and probably some brain cells.
Disclaimer: I don't admit to owning anything, especially this.
Summary/Warnings: Too many to fit in this line,
but the squicks are just quick and they rhyme.
Yep, these are actual
limericks Supernatural,
our Show we no longer for pine!
Now with podfic! Supernatural Limericks (with porn) mp3 (permanent archive link)
Supernatural Limericks (with porn)
Dim the lights, hit the couch, bring a snack
because Sam, real or pseudo, is back!
A new season's quest,
destiny manifest,
Whatevs - put our boys Back in Black!
Their mother was killed by a demon.
Their father swore he would get even.
So every Thursday
a monster they'd slay,
but fuck that shit post second season.
They looked for their father - "Where'd he go?"
Better find him, 'cause Sam's gettin' emo.
Coordinates and a map,
M&Ms and a trap--
The bastard slipped them a wendigo!
The motels are delightfully kitsch;
Sam's visage is that of a bitch.
They have a cool ride,
they get homemade pie,
and the back of Dean's neck has an itch.
What's with all the gnashin' and wailin'?
This apocalypse seems to be failin'.
Oh, heaven forfend,
We are near The End
When the headline reads "President Palin"!
Over trust issues, Sam called it quits.
Both bro's were miserable split.
A terrible fight,
yet one side was bright:
the make-up Wincest was worth it!
Ever since Cain and Abel (not Jake)
did destiny these brothers make.
Born by burned Mom
to be worn to the prom;
turns out that they weren't a cheap date.
Only one (manly) tear will Dean cry,
making fangirls synchronously sigh.
Much of our slash
mourns each small splash
for the little boy broken inside.
Though his sons carried on waywardly,
absent JDM (surprise!) didn't see.
We wanted him on
but he wrote a "Dear John,"
his career'd grown too big for TV.
The spn team took ground they thought high;
they'd not stoop to apocalypti.
But it's just rhetoric
(their ass Buffy can kick)
their ground sinks every time the boys die.
Sera, thank god, understands
where the heart of the show truly lands.
This epic love story,
sometimes a bit gory,
is now in her capable hands.
In fanfic there's a revolution.
Here's a hint: it involves elocution.
For podfic three cheers!
Podfic hear hear hear!
jinjur's archive is an institution!
Sock puppet, blindfold, anonymous;
alter ego revealed non-eponymous.
It's disturbing to see
ruthlessness tinged with glee.
Which ego is really the alter-us?
There once was a prophet named Chuck
who wrote about brothers who fuck.
The Winchester gospels,
with few fans apostles,
Were in bargain bins sold for a buck.
Dean's luscious cock-sucking lips
have launched some of our favorite 'ships.
That man can rock
healing power of cock.
And his body? No need for manips!
His improbably gorgeous eyelashes
have featured in many fic slashes.
Yes, I'm still on Dean
(ooh, that came out keen).
But why waste lighters? Throw matches!
Now on Sammy, where should I start?
With the quick beat of my tell-tale Heart?
His hair is so hot
(except when it's not)
I just wish that he wouldn't fart!
Wrong choices for all the right reasons.
A slow learning curve - near five seasons.
He tries to be good
but he keeps popping wood
for petite brunette blood-sucking demons.
(no offence, or canon accuracy, intended)
My three favorite boys hail from Texas,
whence steers and queers - know what my guess is?
(Kane's in this fandom
with more links than random.)
The lone star state's a hot guy nexus!
First came Clowana's cock ad
Then Crowley made Eliot mad
Steve's at conventions
His songs are part Jensen's
In fic, Christian plays Jensen's Chad
Starting with info canonical
(just a bit - use it economical)
add imagination
and soon you'll be takin'
the boys on a trip anatomical!
As normal taboos we surpass,
let's face it, fangirls can be crass.
"That pink puckered rose
caught in passionate throes…"
We're obsessed with a cock up the ass!
Beg pardon, gen, het and femslash.
Fandom does not act en mass.
There's plenty of choice
for everyone's voice
making a delightful mish-mash.
There are reasons some things become trope.
(I mean besides dropping the soap.)
Like, Sam looks so good
on the Impala's hood,
for Dean's virtue there isn't a hope!
Sometimes the boys must fuck or die.
(Happens more than to typical guys.)
It's a way to first-time them;
metaphorical hymen.
Once broken, they don't seem to mind.
"You'll come - oh god - just on my cock!"
(Yeah sure, 'cause that happens a lot.)
But with prostate fic magic
it's always orgasmic,
so who cares who's bottom or top?
I'm trying to hit everyone's kink
(a task Herculean, I think).
But if it can be done
this fandom's the one
because BB, we all need a shrink.
Just ignore basic facts of anatomy
(while you're at it, let go of reality)
'cause whatever they do
through a hole made for poo,
mpreg is an impracticality!
With affection we call them "Padackles,"
though rpf raises some hackles.
We don't aim to be mean,
but our minds just aren't clean,
not when it comes to tentacles!
Whoever his partner might be,
I'll bet that they're frequently
in positions contortional
'cause Jared's proportional
if fandom guessed correctly!
Cas and Dean have their moments, it's true.
And his eyes are incredibly blue.
Was it just me who thunk
that all angels lacked junk?
I'm not clear on what those two do.
Apparently wings are involved.
Don't the feathers get sticky and mauled?
OK, you guessed it:
they aren't my 'ship.
But by fanart of Cas I'm enthralled.
There's "weecest?" We should be aghast!
Then why are we having a blast?
If they've hit puberty
Then writers, feel free,
'cause their epic love's built on their past!
Curtains, hurt/comfort and cuddling,
Ink, bondage, watersports puddling.
And after all that
we're faced with a yak.
The porn in this fandom's befuddling!
A mind open wide can be gnarly
when kinks vary widely and farly.
One woman's squee
another may flee.
But seriously, really, with Harley?
We know porn can get to the best of us --
about some posts we're downright impetuous.
I'll sleep when I'm dead,
there're Big Bangs to be read.
I'll take my slash male and incestuous!
Hope you've had fun with these rhymes that I've spun!
(I've had a ton since this nonsense begun.)
I'm done after one
about Show's vacation,
and I'm not gonna pardon the pun!
When Show goes on break, seems they hate us
'cause with promos and spoilers they bait us.
We might feel blue,
but it's *literally* true
when Adam and Sam say, "hell-ate-us."