Comments | cellshader: Except Because I Love You (Original Fic)

cellshader

Except Because I Love You (Original Fic)

Feb 14, 2010 18:43

title: Except Because I Love You
fandom: none
rating: PG
summary: Preparing for a party and preparing for the worst are two very different things. Peter is going to learn that the hard way.

( Peter does not swear at himself, because that is not very polite. )

fic: original (nonfandom), fic

Comments 9

framedanddry February 15 2010, 02:39:05 UTC

beautifully-written and absolutely heartbreaking. bravo. :)

cellshader February 15 2010, 23:26:12 UTC

Thank you so much! I'm glad the emotions came across so well.

frankenshane February 15 2010, 07:34:52 UTC

This is a fantastic story, but so heartbreaking. Poor Peter. :(

cellshader February 15 2010, 23:26:56 UTC

Thank you love! I'm really glad you enjoyed. (sorry bout the heartbreak...band-aid?)

frankenshane February 16 2010, 00:41:08 UTC

You're quite welcome. (Thanks, it'll work for now.)

angary February 17 2010, 04:19:37 UTC

Wow.

I think this is fantastic, and really intense. When I first saw the cut text I thought this was going to be a Heroes fic, but seeing that it's actually an original piece was a pleasant surprise. I love how you give more and more information throughout the story and that there's still so much left unsaid, but in a good way. I've always loved your style and it comes through so wonderfully here, through the descriptions and ambiguity and focus on colors. My favorite line is: It’s twins and cousins crinkle in protest, making room for one more bill of shame. This is a very heartfelt piece and it left me wanting moar! But at the same time, it stands on its own as an awesome one-shot.

The only things I would change are the spelling/grammatical errors:

He does, however, grit his teeth for in frustration.

Four minutes later, he decides there is little that pattern, or shape, or even size can do to help him.

Glancing out the aisle’s opening, Peter eyes every stand and tall plastic rack with the scrutinee scrutiny...

He ( ... )

cellshader February 17 2010, 08:40:03 UTC

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the insight, and of course you're making me blush. I'm ridiculously pleased that you approve of this ♥

Those changes are exactly the kind of crit I was looking for, thank you! I think I'm going to leave that "adjusted" line the way it is (my head flow is always weird) but the rest are more than correct. I really need grammatical corrections like that. Thank you so much!

antinous_wild March 3 2010, 07:21:41 UTC

This is great! Wow, Katie, reading this just reminds me how much you've matured as a writer. The emotion comes off brilliantly, and I think you've really got yourself inside your POV character's head. I totally buy his thought process. All I can say is that I'd love to see more of these characters.

Also, I'm SO jealous of your ability to tell a concise, meaningful (original) story. I seem to have lost the ability, I'm afraid. :(

cellshader March 3 2010, 07:30:37 UTC

Thank you so much! I edited the hell out of this piece since it's draft to be honest. I've been a bit paranoid that I missed some bit and there's been a gaping hole where plot should have been. This is a great reassurance.

I would love to work with these two again, but I'm not entirely sure where else to go with them except backwards...

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'm really really really glad you liked it. ♥