Hurmadfgdfga...

[cb201]

Comments

[inbehindbars]

Is this for a common app?

[cb201]

Yep.

[inbehindbars]

Is it short?

[cb201]

I don't think so. The common app website says 250-500, this is around 300.

[electrius]

You can combine the first two sentences of the first two paragraphs. Obviously, it has to be 250-500 words -- it looks short to me, but I can't count words automagically. Even if it within range, think about making it longer with more detail. "The phrase sth. applies to s.o." is an educationism, don't use it. Don't have a parenthetical paragraph; combine it with the previous paragraph. Give a little bit of biography somewhere in there. That's it for what I have to say.

[dadams1]

I like it. Maybe if you could add something to it less about describing you to make it more... a sample of your writing ability as well (because you are a good writer). Remember: show, don't tell. Then, perfect.