OLOBA: TLWYS part Two (gesundheit)
Part One HERE: http://cazcatharsis.livejournal.com/114448.html
***
Batman?
Waitaminute, thong?
Then I remembered. THONG! I’d completely forgotten about them after Jazz flung em slingshot style away last night. I thought they’d be found by some poor toddler the next morning or something, not hangin’ off his damn side mirror!
Jazz heroically refrained from wriggling in guilt and tried to push the convo in another direction. “Batman?”
Mikaela wasn’t having it though. The kid had too much brains for her own good. “It’s the horns, and don’t avoid the question.”
“I ain’t avoidin’ nothin’.:
“Yes. You are.” Her tone was clipped and I could just picture her right eyebrow rising at Jazz’s evasiveness.
“Nope.”
“Jazz!” Her tone went from curious-mad to impatient-mad, and Jazz was done for. Hell, I was done for and I wasn’t even the one being interrogated. A pissy Mikaela was something to steer clear of.
I was prepared to sit up, sheet and all, to defend her guardian when Sam decided that knocking on the door wasn’t getting any results and just opened it and walked in, with Bee’s holo trailing behind him, sparkly as ever. Mikaela had taken a deep breath to start yelling but deflated upon seeing her men, however it didn’t help the situation any.
I saw Sam perfectly clear, and with his line of sight he had no problem seeing me… I watched with a ‘ohfuck-I’m-caught’ grin and a wave as his eyes bugged out and he immediately began sputtering. Then the ever-curious Bumblebee peeked around his shoulder and saw me too… and instantly wolf-whistled.
Mikaela, who I still couldn’t see, was pissing mad now and stomped over to Sam. “What the fuck is going onnnnOHSHIT! MALENA?!?”
I waved feebly at my sister, who’d gone sheet white. “Heh heh… uhhh. Hey sis!”
Sam, the gallant champion of Earth and destroyer of Megatron, smacked a hand over his eyes, spun on a heel and walked right back outside, whistling innocently and trying not to laugh.
Mikaela didn’t even notice. “Lena… what… dehhhh…. Fuhh…. Where are your CLOTHES?!”
Jazz dropped his head to the floor and banged it a couple times, grinning madly and I gave him a one-handed swat on the chest for being absolutely NO help. “Umm…” Floating on the bottom of Carlin Lake. “Well, Uhh,” and probably bits of the beach too. “You see…” oh, and I lost your skirt. No, wait, Jazz lost it. But at least I know where my thong is!
“LENA!”
Bee was leaning against the doorframe, laughing silently, holo eyes nearly watering as he beheld the awkward scene, and I vowed to do something nasty to his interior at some later date, when Mikaela wasn’t an inch away from destroying me.
I scratched a nonexistent itch on my head. “I kinda sorta lost em.”
Her voice rose to an eardrum-shattering shriek, “HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE YOUR CLOTHES… Oh… OH!” She looked back and forth between the half-guilty, half-laughing Jazz and my sheet-wrapped ass on the couch, and finally made the connection. I could almost see the light bulb go off in her head.
Some of the colour went back into her cheeks but she was still bowled over. In a scarily calm voice, taking a step forward, she said, “Those are yours.” She pointed at the blue camouflage thong on Jazz’s shoulder/side mirror, making it a statement, not a question.
I nodded.
“You…” Mikki took a deep breathe to calm herself, then pointed a chipped red-polished finger at me. “You…boned my guardian.”
I grinned triumphantly and Mikaela smacked a hand over her eyes. That set Bee off into howling laughter and Jazz giggled, which only drew my sister’s attention to HIM. I felt his fingers tighten around me a fraction under her scrutiny.
“You boned my sister!”
Jazz replied in such a bland voice that I almost cheered at his performance. “Yes. I boned her. She boned me. We boned. The night was full of boning. And as soon as you leave, I’ll bone her again.”
The look on her face after THAT was hilarious, and though the situation was semi-serious with the black cloud of death looming over my sister, I bust out laughing so loud and hard that I fell right off the couch, taking the sheets with me and giving everyone a good look at my bare ass.
“Wow Jazz, you left nail marks on her rear.” Bee said in an amazingly neutral voice, sounding more like an old British professor than a space alien.
Mikaela, knocked out of her daze by his voice, then spun on HIM. “And YOU! You are NOT helping!”
Bee tilted his head at her outburst and replied in a reasoning tone. “Well, did you not say, and I quote, ‘will you two just bone and get it over with’’? Is it not what you wanted?”
Bee’s logic seemed to get through to my little sister, and she visibly deflated. Her shoulders sagged and her head drooped. “Sorta. Well, yeah… Maybe?”
“Don’t fret, Mikaela. Your reaction is understandably dictated partially by your cycle and your lack of caffeine…”
Mikaela smacked his hand. “Didn’t I tell you not to blame my anger on my fucking period all the time?”
Bumblebee chuckled and began to guide her out the door, stopping to get her laptop bag off the floor. “We’ll be late for school if we delay much longer.”
Before he could get her out the door though, she shrugged him off and turned to us, her eyes clear and face determined. We both looked back, waiting for another outburst.
“We are going to talk about this when I get back. Til then, rules.” She put a finger in the air and looked at Jazz. “Jazz, my room is OFF LIMITS.”
Jazz smirked and nodded.
“Lena, Kitchen table. NO. I eat on that.”
“Awww.”
Mikaela’s eyes narrowed a fraction and I gave in. “Alright alright.”
She nodded. “Good. And I want details later.”
I grinned again. “How much detail?”
“NOT enough to give me nightmares.” She clarified.
“Groovy then.”
Mikaela nodded with finality and let Bumblebee guide her out the door, the blonde still smiling like a lunatic. Before he shut the door, he gave Jazz a pointed look, to which Jazz replied with a simple nod. Goddamn internal communications.
Once the sound of Bee’s powerful engine faded into the distance, we finally let ourselves relax again in the silence of the living room.
Then Jazz started giggling. “Well. That coulda gone better.”
I laughed and crawled back onto the couch. “Could have gone worse too, that girl knows more about your internals than I do.”
Jazz shuddered. “Tell me about it. I think I’ll let Ratch take care of my next maintenance.”
The living room fell into a comfortable silence again as we contemplated that, Mikaela doing mean things to Jazz to ensure he didn’t mess with me. A slow smirk crawled onto my face as I looked at Jazz, who seemed to be thinking the same thing.
“Think we should tell her about the kitchen table?” I asked.
Jazz twitched. “Fuck no!”
~*~*~*~
“Fuckinfuckinfuckindisgusting!”
There were some things one could see and never, ever unsee. Sick, twisted, disgusting, CPU-decaying things that, if he was human, would have triggered an instant gag-reaction. Things he would never forget until his deactivation, and maybe not even afterwards, if the Pit was as bad as he assumed it was.
Frenzy had never seen such… unsettling things… in his long and strange existence. And he couldn’t get those images out of his head, despite a thorough scrubbing of his optics, his body, his optics again, with a bottle of Windex he found under the kitchen sink. He considered asking his Creator to somehow wipe the memory, but discounted the idea quickly as Soundwave, though certainly capable, was no expert in precision memory wipes. Frenzy valued his mind too much to risk it, even for this.
Instead, he relived every horrible second over and over. The giggling, squealing couple doing very messy sticky naked organic things on the kitchen table, then the floor after they’d toppled off the table in their enthusiasm, and then the noises a few moments later in the living room. The NOISES! The Cybertronion noises! Frenzy couldn’t believe it… What in the name of the PIT could that human female be doing to the Autobot that would produce noises like… THAT!?
And, for the life of him, he could not figure out how the younger Banes did not wake up during that racket!!! She slept like the dead through the entire thing! It was the only thing that kept Frenzy’s hopes up during those horrible moments, the expectation of the young female interrupting the amorous meeting of the two species to complain about the noise, and in turn, rescue HIM from having to witness it up close and personal.
But no, it was not to be, and now Frenzy, not only plagued by images of the Autobot doing disgusting things to the elder Banes with his holographic tongue…he shuddered with remembrance… was now stuffed into a leather bag, and had been for three hours now, unable to move for fear of revealing himself and ruining his plans.
“And, like, this belt cost me a fortune, but, like, it’s Prada, so it’s, like, totally worth it. Trent will totally notice me now.”
“Chas, why in the name of Pr… God would you want Trent, that fucking douche bag, to notice you? I told you what he’s like to date.”
Frenzy couldn’t take much more ‘girl-talk’. If that female Chastity said the word ‘like’ one more time… well, he didn’t carry those throwing stars for nothing. They’d slice through the leather of the bag no problem.
And were his processors malfunctioning or did the female Mikaela almost say ‘Primus’?
“I know, I know, but you also said he had an enormous cock.”
“I only said that cause… well… Okay, I lied. He’s not tiny, but he’s not huge. He’s rather average.”
Frenzy heard the stomp of a high heel on ceramic tile and internally groaned.
“Like, fuck.”
“You’re not missing out on anything. He’s not only very average, but a minute-man.”
The Decepticon was saved from any further torment by the ring of the bell, and the girls dispersed with a ‘toodles’ from the Chastity-female and an “uh huh” from the Mikaela-female. He heard the bathroom door slam shut and a sigh of relief from his bearer.
“Chastity, my ass.” She mumbled, then adjusted the bag Frenzy was currently incarcerated in and began walking.
He had to get out of here. He had to report to Laserbeak, had to check on Rumble and make sure he hadn’t slaughtered the Lennox family in the night, talk to Ravage and ask him, as a favour, not to eat the Witwicky’s rodent Mojo before Frenzy could hatch his well laid plan. He had the compulsion to spill everything about last night’s events to his brothers as well, if only to share the misery.
After being jogged around in the sack a while longer, Frenzy heard a suspicious sound… clicking sounds and the squeal of non-lubricated metals scratching against each other, and for a moment he had bad recollections… then felt himself put down and the scraping-metal sound came again, but…
Oh hell no.
‘Squishy femme locked me in a cabinet?’ He thought in disbelief. How dare she?
He unzipped his prison from the inside and transformed enough to look around, taking a moment to adjust his eyes to night vision.
It was confirmed. The female locked him inside a badly ventilated cabinet and left him there.
‘Wait… ohshit.’ The telltale clicking of her shoes getting steadily louder was his only warning before the clicking sound came again and the door swung open, blinding Frenzy with the sudden light. He hadn’t had time to transform or get back in the bag, and Frenzy felt the cold tendrils of panic set in. The human would discover him, the plans would be ruined, he’d be taken into custody (if the femme could keep hold of him, that is), and Soundwave would be forever angry with his incompetence. He crossed his arms over his head and waited for the inevitable scream.
“Hold on a sec Sam, it’s too hot for the jacket.”
THUMP. The weight of the denim jacket knocked Frenzy back, but before he could start his usual screeching routine, the door to the cabinet shut again and he was left covered in smelly human clothing, in the dark, and humiliated.
But safe.
He waited a few moments for the clamour in the hallways to simmer down before he started his irritated chattering, one of the few things that comforted him.
“Pit-damned humans and thier s-s-stupidclothing. Must get outoutout now.” He muttered and kicked the bottom of the door. It didn’t give one inch. “Cheaphumanmetal! Die!” He kicked it again and it gave a little, but popped right back into place a second later. He knew he was defeated. It was locked from the outside and the metal wouldn’t bend enough for him to slink out of. The vents were too small to squeeze through. He was stuck.
“Fuckafuckinfuck!”
He shut his optics for a moment, trying to calm himself. Instead pictures of the elder Banes and the Autobot making squishy noises on the kitchen table assaulted him again and he gave up. Some days it just sucked to be a Decepticon.
“Frenzy to Ravage!”
“Ravage here, what do you want, Squeaky?”
“GETMEOUTOFHERE!”
~*~*~*~
a/n:
Good Morning Little Schoolgirl is by Jonny Lang. And Frenzy ain’t whipped yet. I’ll let him out of the locker later. :D If the little bastard behaves himself and quits hogging my Kicking Horse.