Where You Hang Your Heart (PG)
A smallish interlude following "Principalities and Powers." Enjoy. :)
Summary: Given what the boys have learned from Josh, Dean starts grappling with some serious questions and gets some answers, of a sort, from Mr. Cooper.
Where You Hang Your Heart
By San Antonio Rose
Woran du dein Herz hängst und worauf du dich verlässt, das ist eigentlich dein Gott.
(Whatever you hang your heart on and whatever you rely upon, that is in fact your god.)
--Martin Luther
It had been two weeks since the Winchesters got back from their amazing road trip. Fourteen days that had changed everything. And Dean was still in shock.
A demon called Azazel had sent another demon to possess Sammy’s best friend because it thought Sammy was the Boy King of Hell.
All of Cazadore was changing, now that most people knew the truth about hunting. The town meeting had been just a few days before, but there were already signs, like the feed store selling out of rock salt and people painting wards on their porches-some wards being more obvious than others. Dean felt a little guilty still that so many people’s innocence in that regard had been lost, but at the moment, sitting at his desk at Johnson High and supposedly working on lesson plans, he wasn’t even thinking about that side of things. He was still trying to get his head around what the demon possessing Josh had said about Sammy.
Demons lie. Dean knew that. He also knew what Bobby had said about his dad putting too much stock in what demons said. If other demons were saying the same things about Sammy when John interrogated them, his attitude toward Sammy made more sense. Dean hoped John didn’t believe that Sammy was actually evil, that he was only worried about things trying to corrupt and/or injure him. Josh had sworn that the Boy King bit was a lie, and Dean was inclined to believe him. Yeah, Sammy could be a pain, like any sibling, and he had his selfish and self-righteous moments-who didn’t? But he loved deeply; he gave generously when he recognized a need; he prayed and had even started going to the Baptist church. Hell, he’d even talked Josh into going to church with him.
Sammy was a good kid. That was the truth.
But this thing about Azazel had Dean worried. He’d asked Bobby for any information he could find, and Bobby had faxed it to him at the school. He’d then read through it all with Sammy; when it came to facts, he refused to keep secrets. Speculation, however... that wasn’t something Sammy really needed.
Especially since Dean had a gut feeling that Azazel had killed their mom.
He had no real evidence, just the word of a demon that another demon was interested in Sammy. It could have been a lie. Josh refused to say one way or another, and Mr. Hasselbeck, who’d been possessed at the same time, was still comatose and might not be well enough to ask when he woke up. Bobby didn’t seem to think John had made any sort of connection between the thing that killed Mary and the powers that were after Sammy. But Dean just... knew.
Josh and Sammy were busy distracting each other with hunting lessons and video games. And soon they’d all have school to keep their minds off of the supernatural except when they found a hunt. Hunting was just another extracurricular activity for the Winchesters, really-it was what they did because they wanted to save lives, not because they needed to avenge Mary or save Sammy or anything like that. And for all they knew, arming the whole town would discourage Azazel from trying again. There really wasn’t any reason to tell Sammy about his suspicion yet, especially since he didn’t have any clue as to Azazel’s motives.
But if a demon killed Mary, who’d told Dean time and again that angels were watching over them... what the hell had gone wrong? Dean wanted to believe in God and in angels, but John had sworn they weren’t real, and it wasn’t like they had a whole lot of evidence to the contrary. Although... there was that rainbow in Mineral Wells. And a few other incidents from their trip had made him wonder.
Still, if God and angels were real, why had they let Mary die? She couldn’t have done anything to deserve that kind of death... could she? Not... not Mom.
Dean was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize someone was talking to him until a familiar hand waved in front of his face.
“Earth to Winchester,” said Mr. Cooper as Dean started.
Dean shook himself. “Hey, Mr. C.”
Cooper sat down on the desk. “Thinkin’ pretty hard, there, kiddo. What’s up?”
Dean sighed. “I dunno. This thing with Josh... I just... I think it’s got something to do with the thing that killed my mom.”
“The thing that killed your mom?” Cooper repeated. “It wasn’t just murder?”
“No, sir. It was supernatural. Mom always told me that angels were watching over me... but they didn’t do a damn thing to help her.”
Cooper pursed his lips. “Angels aren’t God, Deano. They’re finite. Their power’s limited, and so is their knowledge. Evil things can get in their way. And sometimes... sometimes they get the wrong ideas about things. People who put their trust in angels alone can be pretty badly disappointed.”
“But what about God? Did He want Mom to die?!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. The fact that He allows something bad to happen to someone doesn’t mean it’s His perfect will for that person. There are a lot of other things to consider, like free will and letting people live with the consequences of their own actions. And sometimes the result of not allowing a tragedy is worse than the result of allowing it-like ‘City on the Edge of Forever.’ You’re a Trekker, right?”
Dean nodded. “McCoy saved the woman’s life, and the US stayed out of World War II. So Kirk had to go back and make McCoy let her die.” He paused. “What has that got to do with Mom?”
“I can’t say why things happened to your family the way they did. Or why God let Josh be possessed, for that matter. What I can tell you is that of all the options out there, God is the least likely to disappoint you and the most likely to help.”
Dean sighed. “I’d like to believe that. I really would.”
Cooper rubbed his shoulder. “Give it some time. Give it some thought.”
Dean nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Mr. C.”
And the tiniest, weakest, most hesitant spark of faith kindled in the depths of his heart-and though it didn’t grow for a long time, it didn’t go out.
Summary: Given what the boys have learned from Josh, Dean starts grappling with some serious questions and gets some answers, of a sort, from Mr. Cooper.
Where You Hang Your Heart
By San Antonio Rose
Woran du dein Herz hängst und worauf du dich verlässt, das ist eigentlich dein Gott.
(Whatever you hang your heart on and whatever you rely upon, that is in fact your god.)
--Martin Luther
It had been two weeks since the Winchesters got back from their amazing road trip. Fourteen days that had changed everything. And Dean was still in shock.
A demon called Azazel had sent another demon to possess Sammy’s best friend because it thought Sammy was the Boy King of Hell.
All of Cazadore was changing, now that most people knew the truth about hunting. The town meeting had been just a few days before, but there were already signs, like the feed store selling out of rock salt and people painting wards on their porches-some wards being more obvious than others. Dean felt a little guilty still that so many people’s innocence in that regard had been lost, but at the moment, sitting at his desk at Johnson High and supposedly working on lesson plans, he wasn’t even thinking about that side of things. He was still trying to get his head around what the demon possessing Josh had said about Sammy.
Demons lie. Dean knew that. He also knew what Bobby had said about his dad putting too much stock in what demons said. If other demons were saying the same things about Sammy when John interrogated them, his attitude toward Sammy made more sense. Dean hoped John didn’t believe that Sammy was actually evil, that he was only worried about things trying to corrupt and/or injure him. Josh had sworn that the Boy King bit was a lie, and Dean was inclined to believe him. Yeah, Sammy could be a pain, like any sibling, and he had his selfish and self-righteous moments-who didn’t? But he loved deeply; he gave generously when he recognized a need; he prayed and had even started going to the Baptist church. Hell, he’d even talked Josh into going to church with him.
Sammy was a good kid. That was the truth.
But this thing about Azazel had Dean worried. He’d asked Bobby for any information he could find, and Bobby had faxed it to him at the school. He’d then read through it all with Sammy; when it came to facts, he refused to keep secrets. Speculation, however... that wasn’t something Sammy really needed.
Especially since Dean had a gut feeling that Azazel had killed their mom.
He had no real evidence, just the word of a demon that another demon was interested in Sammy. It could have been a lie. Josh refused to say one way or another, and Mr. Hasselbeck, who’d been possessed at the same time, was still comatose and might not be well enough to ask when he woke up. Bobby didn’t seem to think John had made any sort of connection between the thing that killed Mary and the powers that were after Sammy. But Dean just... knew.
Josh and Sammy were busy distracting each other with hunting lessons and video games. And soon they’d all have school to keep their minds off of the supernatural except when they found a hunt. Hunting was just another extracurricular activity for the Winchesters, really-it was what they did because they wanted to save lives, not because they needed to avenge Mary or save Sammy or anything like that. And for all they knew, arming the whole town would discourage Azazel from trying again. There really wasn’t any reason to tell Sammy about his suspicion yet, especially since he didn’t have any clue as to Azazel’s motives.
But if a demon killed Mary, who’d told Dean time and again that angels were watching over them... what the hell had gone wrong? Dean wanted to believe in God and in angels, but John had sworn they weren’t real, and it wasn’t like they had a whole lot of evidence to the contrary. Although... there was that rainbow in Mineral Wells. And a few other incidents from their trip had made him wonder.
Still, if God and angels were real, why had they let Mary die? She couldn’t have done anything to deserve that kind of death... could she? Not... not Mom.
Dean was so lost in thought that he didn’t realize someone was talking to him until a familiar hand waved in front of his face.
“Earth to Winchester,” said Mr. Cooper as Dean started.
Dean shook himself. “Hey, Mr. C.”
Cooper sat down on the desk. “Thinkin’ pretty hard, there, kiddo. What’s up?”
Dean sighed. “I dunno. This thing with Josh... I just... I think it’s got something to do with the thing that killed my mom.”
“The thing that killed your mom?” Cooper repeated. “It wasn’t just murder?”
“No, sir. It was supernatural. Mom always told me that angels were watching over me... but they didn’t do a damn thing to help her.”
Cooper pursed his lips. “Angels aren’t God, Deano. They’re finite. Their power’s limited, and so is their knowledge. Evil things can get in their way. And sometimes... sometimes they get the wrong ideas about things. People who put their trust in angels alone can be pretty badly disappointed.”
“But what about God? Did He want Mom to die?!”
“I wouldn’t go that far. The fact that He allows something bad to happen to someone doesn’t mean it’s His perfect will for that person. There are a lot of other things to consider, like free will and letting people live with the consequences of their own actions. And sometimes the result of not allowing a tragedy is worse than the result of allowing it-like ‘City on the Edge of Forever.’ You’re a Trekker, right?”
Dean nodded. “McCoy saved the woman’s life, and the US stayed out of World War II. So Kirk had to go back and make McCoy let her die.” He paused. “What has that got to do with Mom?”
“I can’t say why things happened to your family the way they did. Or why God let Josh be possessed, for that matter. What I can tell you is that of all the options out there, God is the least likely to disappoint you and the most likely to help.”
Dean sighed. “I’d like to believe that. I really would.”
Cooper rubbed his shoulder. “Give it some time. Give it some thought.”
Dean nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Mr. C.”
And the tiniest, weakest, most hesitant spark of faith kindled in the depths of his heart-and though it didn’t grow for a long time, it didn’t go out.