Membership fic, "I Need Time to Find You"

[flyingcarpet]

Due to technological difficulties, this membership fic did not reach us during the month of the challenge -- our deepest apologies to the anonymous author. Please know that it was our fault! As usual, only members may vote in the poll for this story, but this author has been waiting a long time to hear from catchmysnitch and I know she would love feedback from

Comments

[thelittleroad]

If I could vote, then yes. This is a nice well rounded story, with a good sense of narrative. I also found it interesting that the girl that Ginny was talking to was Hannah, and not a first year like most stories tell it.

Interested to read other things by this author. Wouldn't mind knowing what they're name is.

[lelia_ocahill]

I don't have the power to vote, but while I like the general story line, my vote would be 'no', though just on the borderline.

The story concept itself is good, but it seems unfinished, unpolished. It doesn't seem quite up to par with the usual quality of fic I read on this community.

That being said, I don't want to discourage you. The concept, as I said is great, and there's definitely feeling in this. You have definite potential, just need a bit more practice. :)

[parakletos]

"Ah, Potter," Mrs. Longbottom said authoritatively.

and

"He's fighting," Harry answered tiredly.

A suggestion with these type of sentences would be rather than trying to cram stuff in you could expand it - slightly.

For example:

"He's fighting," Harry answered,his wavering voice betraying his lack of sleep.

and

"Ah, Potter," barked Mrs Longbottom, her tone reinforcing her fearsome reputation.

I'm not saying what I've written is better, just another way of saying the same thing.

Hope it helps.

[ladywhizbee]

Good for you for being willing to take on a piece of canon and attempting to write it from another pov. High-praise for that--it's a challenging and true test. You had some real moments of brilliance, too. For instance this line:

"It's like vanishing gold,"

That really resonated with me. And leaving it there--without explanation--would have been perfect. Brilliant, really.

These next thoughts are just my opinion, and you can take them or leave them--just know that I'm only trying to offer a small bit of help and insight. :-)

Writing canon from another pov can be tricky, because you have to make the existing dialog match with the emotion of the character (not to mention bringing other characters in and out of scenes and having it make sense)--which takes a lot of thought and planning. Much more than one might suppose, and sometimes even more than writing an original piece that just flows from you and your thoughts. Not only do you have to figure out where the character development is going from beginning to end--but also, why would

[snuggle_muggle]

My main complaint with this piece was that it didn't really add anything to the canon story. We saw it from Ginny's viewpoint, true, but nothing new was added to the narrative, especially not to any aspect of Harry and Ginny's relationship. Plus, there were some canon errors I noticed, particularly that Ginny was comforting Hannah on the grounds as Harry was leaving to go to the Forest. I have read that scene multiple times although I admit I didn't look it up tonight, and I am pretty sure that Harry specifies it is a younger girl whom he does not recognize. Also, he is quite sure when we see it from his POV that Ginny feels his presence and this is not mentioned. There is almost nothing mentioned here at all about her sense of loss or desperation when Harry's body is brought back "dead." I even found her telling of Fred's death rather hollow without much emotion. I'm a canon fiend, I'll be the first to admit, but when we see a scene from a different perspective, it is because those new eyeballs are able to add to the depth of