More poetry.

[cat_i_th_adage]

It could do with some tinkering, so any suggestions are welcome.

Comments

[stephanie_pegg]

I like it. It's quite an unusual juxtaposition - grammar and the tiger.
It still feels like a draft, though - not quite as fined down as the "tea that's pure cold water" poem.

[stephanie_pegg]

I liked the bit about "The tiger pads pinkly / The pink pad sits tigrishly" and the comment about the pebble filled with unutterable rage.
It feels too wordy. I suppose maybe because the subject strikes me as working better in an epigramish very spare style, which is not what you've done here.

[alphadsnz_fb]

It has an interesting metre... and Steph is right - it doesn't quite sit finished as yet.

Perhaps arranging the second stanza so that it is more delinated? It's the stanza that seems a tad clunky to me. Also the brackets detract in part from the spirit. An aside that is half a stanza.

Just my two cents.

[janetlin]

That bit about the pebble is probably my favorite part, though. You could confine the parentheses to just "(the pebble, I mean / not the tiger)" and keep the rest as it otherwise is. Also the emotional punch of "wouldn't _you_ howl?" is somewhat lessened by being inside the parenteses.

[cat_i_th_adage]

Thanks a lot, guys: it helps.