Obsession
Title: Obsession
Author: eponine254
Fandom/Character(s)/Pairing(s): Original (Kate and Lexi)
Genre: Fantasy - urban/humour
Rating: G
Words: 1029
Challenge/Prompt: fictionland #09: These Pens Were Made for Writing. Prompt 2 (Song: Never Gunna Be Alone).
Warnings: None
Notes: I can never resist making fun of Twilight. I just can't help myself. Also, any resemblance to anyone living or dead is entirely coincidental. Obviously.
Summary: Worst. Date. Ever.
Obsession
“So? How was the date?” Lexi called from the sitting room as soon as I closed the front door.
I stuck my head around the door. “Worst date ever,” I said, making my way to the kitchen. Lexi, bless her heart, had been baking. Chocolate raspberry muffins. I knew there was a reason we were best friends. I helped myself to a muffin and a pre-emptive second muffin before heading through to the sitting room.
“That bad?” she said, eyeing the plate.
“Definitely that bad,” I replied, taking a bite of a muffin. It was heavenly. I have the best roommate ever.
“Was he secretly 90?”
“Nope.”
“Gay?”
“Not this one.”
“Hideous?”
“Actually, no.”
“Sexist?”
“Debatably.”
“Hmmm. Did he try to put you in a bag?”
“Bingo.”
Lexi stared at me. “Wait, he tried to put you in a bag? Did you call the police?”
I waved a hand. “Ok, not literally,” I said. My mouth was full of muffin, but Lexi was looking so alarmed that I felt I should clarify. “But things
were heading in that direction.”
“Ohh,” Lexi said, giving me a knowing look. “Was he an Edward?”
“As Edward as it’s possible to be.”
“Oh wow,” Lexi said. “Unlucky.”
Edward was a former boyfriend of Lexi’s sister, who had set a stellar standard for creepy guys everywhere. The fact that he just so happened to share a name with a fictional vampire with similar tendencies was, in our eyes, a very happy coincidence.
“Did you magic him to death?”
“Thought about it,” I said. “But then I thought that that would be a tricky murder to explain.”
“What did he do?”
I took a fortifying bite of the muffin. Man, these things were good. I was never ever going to fight with Lexi ever again. They made even the
date from hell seem bearable.
“He decided I was the love of his life.”
Lexi rolled her eyes. “He does sound like an Edward. Wasn’t this like the second time you met him?”
“Yep,” I said.
“Creepy.”
“That was what I said. Oddly enough, he didn’t take it too well.”
“Can’t imagine why.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Me neither.”
Lexi shook her head. “You do know how to pick them,” she said.
“Oh, like you can talk,” I replied, raising an eyebrow.
Lexi sighed. “Fine, fair enough,” she conceded. “But I feel like one warlock isn’t such a bad hit rate.”
I said nothing. Lexi’s most recent girlfriend may not have had an actual twisty moustache, but she had certainly had a metaphorical one. Her kamikaze bid to wipe out the magic users of the city had nearly taken me with it.
“Ok, you win,” Lexi said. “But at least there was nothing overtly wrong with her up to that point.”
It was true. I had liked her. But I could see that the memory still hurt. I felt bad for bringing it up, and switched the subject quickly.
“Anyway,” I said. “He was all ‘we should be together forever’, and ‘there’s nothing I need but you’. And some crap about eternity.”
Lexi snorted. “Sounds like someone’s been reading too much Twilight.”
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Funny story...” I began, not sure how to phrase this. “He actually was a vampire.”
Lexi raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re just messing with me,” she said.
“No, really,” I told her, making a start on the second muffin.
“These are really good, by the way,” I said with my mouth full.
“Um, vampire?” Lexi reminded me.
“Oh yeah,” I said, swallowing. “I could tell he had something supernatural going on, and he told me.”
Less than a year ago, I would have been inclined to be very sceptical about dark, creepy men claiming to be vampires. Hell, come to think
of it, I still was. But there’s only so much scepticism you’re allowed when you’re a wizard, and your friend circle includes sorcerers, witches, one friendly werewolf and a very grumpy goblin.
“And you didn’t mind?”
“Well, I thought I’d be polite. But that was before he started getting all scary.”
Lexi shook her head and laughed. “Kate, only you could go on a date with a vampire and find that the least scary part.”
“Trust me, that was the least scary part,” I said. “The risk of exsanguination was totally outweighed by the ‘you’re the one’ stuff he
kept saying.”
“Seriously creepy.”
“I thought so.”
Seriously, these muffins were awesome. I was going to have to learn to bake. You’d think that magic powers would at least make me good with ovens, but I could burn cookies by looking at them, and I had yet to make a cake that didn’t collapse in the middle.
“He clearly lacks all sense of irony,” Lexi said, shaking her head.
“I thought exactly the same thing,” I said. “I didn’t know whether to run for the hills or feel sorry for him because he had no idea how
lame he was.”
“Did you ask him if he’d read Twilight?”
“Of course! He said he thought it was beautiful.”
“Now there’s a dealbreaker,” Lexi said. “Even for a human. So what did you do?”
I chewed on the last of the muffin, savouring it before answering.
“Staked him through the heart.”
Lexi stared at me, wide-eyed. “Really?”
“Of course not!” I said. “What sort of person do you think I am?”
“Well, you never know,” Lexi said.
“I just waited until we were outside, and then, when he predictably tried to bite me, I pepper sprayed him.”
“Very sensible,” said Lexi.
“Then I told him that if he ever came near me again, I’d put a chair leg through his heart and let him sparkle himself to death in the field
of his choice.”
Lexi was silent for a moment. “You know, looking back on all the horrible dates I’ve been on, I think you win. Worst date ever.”
"I know,” I said. “Lucky me.”
“At least he didn’t put you in a bag.”
“No, that’s true,” I agreed. “Want to kill some zombies?”
“When have I ever said no to that?” Lexi asked, getting up to switch on the Xbox.
Author: eponine254
Fandom/Character(s)/Pairing(s): Original (Kate and Lexi)
Genre: Fantasy - urban/humour
Rating: G
Words: 1029
Challenge/Prompt: fictionland #09: These Pens Were Made for Writing. Prompt 2 (Song: Never Gunna Be Alone).
Warnings: None
Notes: I can never resist making fun of Twilight. I just can't help myself. Also, any resemblance to anyone living or dead is entirely coincidental. Obviously.
Summary: Worst. Date. Ever.
Obsession
“So? How was the date?” Lexi called from the sitting room as soon as I closed the front door.
I stuck my head around the door. “Worst date ever,” I said, making my way to the kitchen. Lexi, bless her heart, had been baking. Chocolate raspberry muffins. I knew there was a reason we were best friends. I helped myself to a muffin and a pre-emptive second muffin before heading through to the sitting room.
“That bad?” she said, eyeing the plate.
“Definitely that bad,” I replied, taking a bite of a muffin. It was heavenly. I have the best roommate ever.
“Was he secretly 90?”
“Nope.”
“Gay?”
“Not this one.”
“Hideous?”
“Actually, no.”
“Sexist?”
“Debatably.”
“Hmmm. Did he try to put you in a bag?”
“Bingo.”
Lexi stared at me. “Wait, he tried to put you in a bag? Did you call the police?”
I waved a hand. “Ok, not literally,” I said. My mouth was full of muffin, but Lexi was looking so alarmed that I felt I should clarify. “But things
were heading in that direction.”
“Ohh,” Lexi said, giving me a knowing look. “Was he an Edward?”
“As Edward as it’s possible to be.”
“Oh wow,” Lexi said. “Unlucky.”
Edward was a former boyfriend of Lexi’s sister, who had set a stellar standard for creepy guys everywhere. The fact that he just so happened to share a name with a fictional vampire with similar tendencies was, in our eyes, a very happy coincidence.
“Did you magic him to death?”
“Thought about it,” I said. “But then I thought that that would be a tricky murder to explain.”
“What did he do?”
I took a fortifying bite of the muffin. Man, these things were good. I was never ever going to fight with Lexi ever again. They made even the
date from hell seem bearable.
“He decided I was the love of his life.”
Lexi rolled her eyes. “He does sound like an Edward. Wasn’t this like the second time you met him?”
“Yep,” I said.
“Creepy.”
“That was what I said. Oddly enough, he didn’t take it too well.”
“Can’t imagine why.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Me neither.”
Lexi shook her head. “You do know how to pick them,” she said.
“Oh, like you can talk,” I replied, raising an eyebrow.
Lexi sighed. “Fine, fair enough,” she conceded. “But I feel like one warlock isn’t such a bad hit rate.”
I said nothing. Lexi’s most recent girlfriend may not have had an actual twisty moustache, but she had certainly had a metaphorical one. Her kamikaze bid to wipe out the magic users of the city had nearly taken me with it.
“Ok, you win,” Lexi said. “But at least there was nothing overtly wrong with her up to that point.”
It was true. I had liked her. But I could see that the memory still hurt. I felt bad for bringing it up, and switched the subject quickly.
“Anyway,” I said. “He was all ‘we should be together forever’, and ‘there’s nothing I need but you’. And some crap about eternity.”
Lexi snorted. “Sounds like someone’s been reading too much Twilight.”
“Oh, I forgot to tell you. Funny story...” I began, not sure how to phrase this. “He actually was a vampire.”
Lexi raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re just messing with me,” she said.
“No, really,” I told her, making a start on the second muffin.
“These are really good, by the way,” I said with my mouth full.
“Um, vampire?” Lexi reminded me.
“Oh yeah,” I said, swallowing. “I could tell he had something supernatural going on, and he told me.”
Less than a year ago, I would have been inclined to be very sceptical about dark, creepy men claiming to be vampires. Hell, come to think
of it, I still was. But there’s only so much scepticism you’re allowed when you’re a wizard, and your friend circle includes sorcerers, witches, one friendly werewolf and a very grumpy goblin.
“And you didn’t mind?”
“Well, I thought I’d be polite. But that was before he started getting all scary.”
Lexi shook her head and laughed. “Kate, only you could go on a date with a vampire and find that the least scary part.”
“Trust me, that was the least scary part,” I said. “The risk of exsanguination was totally outweighed by the ‘you’re the one’ stuff he
kept saying.”
“Seriously creepy.”
“I thought so.”
Seriously, these muffins were awesome. I was going to have to learn to bake. You’d think that magic powers would at least make me good with ovens, but I could burn cookies by looking at them, and I had yet to make a cake that didn’t collapse in the middle.
“He clearly lacks all sense of irony,” Lexi said, shaking her head.
“I thought exactly the same thing,” I said. “I didn’t know whether to run for the hills or feel sorry for him because he had no idea how
lame he was.”
“Did you ask him if he’d read Twilight?”
“Of course! He said he thought it was beautiful.”
“Now there’s a dealbreaker,” Lexi said. “Even for a human. So what did you do?”
I chewed on the last of the muffin, savouring it before answering.
“Staked him through the heart.”
Lexi stared at me, wide-eyed. “Really?”
“Of course not!” I said. “What sort of person do you think I am?”
“Well, you never know,” Lexi said.
“I just waited until we were outside, and then, when he predictably tried to bite me, I pepper sprayed him.”
“Very sensible,” said Lexi.
“Then I told him that if he ever came near me again, I’d put a chair leg through his heart and let him sparkle himself to death in the field
of his choice.”
Lexi was silent for a moment. “You know, looking back on all the horrible dates I’ve been on, I think you win. Worst date ever.”
"I know,” I said. “Lucky me.”
“At least he didn’t put you in a bag.”
“No, that’s true,” I agreed. “Want to kill some zombies?”
“When have I ever said no to that?” Lexi asked, getting up to switch on the Xbox.