All Hallows Eve [first response to Halloween challenge]

[inner_v0ice]

Here's the prologue and first chapter of All Hallows Eve, my first response to the Halloween challenge. (I'm planning one or two more ^_^)
The prologue is very light-hearted, but the fic will get darker as it goes on.

All Hallows Eve (AU, Dorian is about 10 years old)

Comments

[jamjar]

Good opening, well-written and shows a good grasp of all the personalities involved. I'm looking forward to the rest

[inner_v0ice]

Sorry about the line gap thing. ^_^; I'm too used to writing on Microsoft Word, where you can put an indentation at the beginning of each paragraph. I'll fix the paragraphs in my next update, and I'll remember it in the future.

Dashes...well. I'm aware that I may be, uh, shall we say...slightly addicted to dashes? ^_^; I know that I occasionally use them too much...it's just that I find them good for making things seem livelier or more suspenseful; otherwise I have a tendency to write very long, rambling sentences with lots of commas and very little dramatic tension, due to the fact that they're so long. <--that right there was a deliberate example. ^_^ Looking back, I think the particular dash you mentioned could probably be safely replaced with a semicolon. How's that?
And don't be afraid to be pedantic at me. I can be pedantic myself, I deserve to have other people do it to me. ^_^

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and constructive criticism. Hope to see you when I post the rest of the story!

[dine]

I'm really intrigued by this AU - of course I'm intensely curious about Klaus' backstory now and can't wait to see where things go. it's nice to see Dorian spending quality time with his father, as often his childhood/family life are mostly ignored.

[inner_v0ice]

*grins* Thanks. I was afraid that people would get annoyed with me because I took so long getting to the spooky parts, since I was having so much fun writing Young Dorian and his father. ^_^

And...you're intensely curious about Klaus' backstory? Oh my! I guess I better use my original idea then! (I originally had a rather interesting backstory for Klaus, but was on the verge of deciding that it was slightly implausible and I ought to use a simpler, more uninteresting backstory. I'll use the original one now...thanks for helping me remember why I liked that idea in the first place! ^_^)

[dessieoctavia]

Nice. Want more. Soon?

[inner_v0ice]

*grins* Soon! ^_^

[caithion]

Oh, excellent! I was beginning to worry no one else would post Halloween ficage. This shows great promise. I'm truly creeped out by Klaus the grinning skeleton.

I like the AU universe you've created, and the idea of a spoiled Dorian who isn't a pouty brat. I can't wait to see where you go with this!

I do agree that a space between paragraphs might make them a bit more readable, but I have to say I'd read quite a bit before I even noticed.

[inner_v0ice]

I'm glad you found it creepy! ^_^ It's my first time ever trying to write a scary/horror piece, so I'm glad it seems to be going well.
I'm glad you like my Dorian, too...he was really fun to write!

And I'm gonna fix that spacing thing real soon.

[burntcopper]

Oooo. Original, good character work, and more would be appreciated.