Lying to Children

[cassiphone]

Originally published at tansyrr.com. You can comment here or there.

This post from Penni Russon about her eldest child figuring out the Santa thing made my heart hurt a little bit.

Ah, the Santa quandary. To lie, or not to lie?

Our only defence is that we never told Raeli that Santa is a real person who flies around giving out Christmas presents.

Comments

[capnoblivious]

Thanks for this - I'm pondering my own approach on this and related things. My sister-in-law has gone the "presents are a family thing" route; my own desire is to downplay Christmas as much as possible, but that's hard enough as an adult. I doubt it's possible. "It's a festival that some people celebrate, like Diwali," isn't going to take me far, I fear.

[capnoblivious]

Ooh, bad comment structure. Sorry. :)

[kaelajael]

As someone who has never celebrated Christmas, either as a child, or as a parent with three children, I can tell you it is possible :)

[capnoblivious]

This is reassuring. :)

[adamhenderson]

A muscial advent calendar, what new devilry is this? Does it still have cardboard chocolates?

I've been thinking about this issue with my theoretical children. I'm leaning towards the truthful answers policy, but my biggest problem is that if they're anything at all like me they'll accept it in a calm, mature way and then take this new knowledge to school and gleefully destory the illusion for the other kids *g*.

[cassiphone]

There are in fact no chocolates. I KNOW, it was bizarre for me too.

My philosophy is to be as vague as possible for as long as I can get away with it. :D

And if you read Penni's post, her daughter totally tried to tell the other kids and they didn't believe her!

[godiyeva]

hang on, surely chocolates in advent calendars are a creation of the devil and of recent origin? I sure as hell never got them in mine when I was young... I have never bought that sort (because I didtrust chocolate manufacturers - do they have pretty pictures under the chocolate?), the main pictures aren't as pretty, who gets the chocolate anyway (do you have to buy three calendars?), and besides, it's not the sort I had. But you guys sound like it's the normal sort...

[cassiphone]

I don't think I had chocolate ones every year, but yeah they were pretty normal. They definitely are now.

Hee didn't have to worry about who got the chocolate - only child! But I am told the tradition is to alternate.

That really wouldn't work with 3, I expect...

One year my Mum made one with matchboxes at the back of each window, and filled it with stickers, pretties, and boiled sweets that glued themselves to the matchboxes!

[van]

You can always tell it to her as a secret. Say that little kids want to believe in Santa, and that's okay, but she's a Big Girl now and old enough to understand that it's just fun Make Believe--but that as a Big Girl she has responsibility to not ruin the surprise for other kids, etc.

As an atheist, people often ask me how I can "celibrate Christmas" and it's really very much like you do: I've picked the non-religious bits I liked and celebrate it as a fun event with Santa and reindeer and presents and loving my friends. Most Christmas stuff is so removed from Christ already anyway.

[cassiphone]

I don't want to be the one to tell her Santa isn't real! *Daycare* is the place that told her he was in the first place. If she hasn't figured it out by the time she is eight I will march her back there and make them break the news to her :D

[angriest]

I remember as a very small child opening my parents' wardrobe in mid-December only to discover a motherload of hidden presents. And I was stunned rigid, thinking "why would Santa hide all my presents in Mum's wardrobe?"

[angriest]

And for "motherload" please imagine I typed "mother lode".

[angriest]

See, when that happened to me, I was told that Santa sometimes organised things with the mums and dads because he knew he was going to be extra busy on actual Christmas.

Yeah. I bought it.

Nevertheless, I can picture your wilting little shape in front of the wardrobe and am touched by the lingering sense of betrayal :D

Thoraiya

[cassiphone]

I just remember the year I opened my mum's wardrobe as a joke, only to discover that in fact she HAD piled all the presents in there. A few days later I stumbled upon a garbage bag of the presents she had moved from her wardrobe... to the space under the house that *I* used as a cubby. I remember being annoyed that she wasn't even trying ...

[julietvalcouer]

I think, in the case of my hypothetical child (and it's sad I'd mostly like to have one for two reasons, 1) it means I'd have found a husband before menopause and 2) excuse to buy a pony!) I would want them to have the EXPERIENCE. They're going to forget most of the presents eventually, I certainly did, but I remember writing to Santa (we could ask for ONE present and one present only from Santa--stockings were stuffed with little things and anything above and beyond the ONE THING was from Mom and Dad), leaving out hot cocoa and cookies (it's cold here at Christmas) and carrots for the reindeer, and that video of the presents magically appearing (and my brother and I even UNDERSTOOD what stop-motion photography was, but we still loved it) and the thrill of Christmas morning. Stuff is just stuff, but believing in fairy tales makes life interesting

[cassiphone]

I like the one present idea - I do make sure that the presents we give her that are meaningful to US are labelled from Mum or Dad. So only a few from Santa. I think that's important as well because of the whole potential of kids comparing notes on what they got...