FIC: Intervention
Title: Intervention
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Casey/Olivia implied
Summary: The male detectives stage an intervention for Olivia
Spoilers: Everything
Author's Note: This is my writer's block breakthrough after a very VERY long drought,so it may or may not suck. I think it kinda sucks, but hey, it's a writer's block breaking thing. It's kinda sorta not really crack!fic. Just alot of insanity. I started writing this before the guest ep by Diane Neal but you know how writers' block goes.
DOINK DOINK
Cragen's office
Captain Don Cragen stared at the three detectives in front of him. "Men, we have a situation on our hands. One that could rip the fabric of our precinct to smithereens."
"Yo, Cap, have you been takin' speech lessons from Mr. Conspiracy?" asked Fin, pointing to Munch and bobbing his head to some unknown rhythm.
"The situation is dire, " Don continued. "And must be halted immediately."
"Impending doom, blah blah blah, why isn't Benson in on this pow-wow?" questioned Munch, looking over the tops of his sunglasses.
"Because, boys, Olivia IS the situation."
Elliot Stabler laughed heartily. "Cap'n, I think you've been watchin' too much Jersey Shore. Besides, Liv's gotten soft. Her abs don't come close to...I mean..."he coughed uncomfortably at the stares directed his way. "What's the problem with Liv?"
Cragen pointed to a series of still surveillance photos which magically appeared on a board to his right. "As you can see, Olivia was seen taking coffee to our latest ADA. In this photo, notice the smiling, the winking, the lingering hand on the forearm. She MUST be stopped."
Elliot crossed his arms to hide his burgeoning man breasts. "So she's friendly. What's the big deal? I have big arms, fertile swimmers and a temper."
Don rolled his eyes and started laying down photos. "Abbie, Jeff York, Alex, Serena, Borgia, Novak, the one that followed Novak, Paxton, Rubirosa, now new girl. Every one had a relationship, be it friendly or romantic, with Olivia. Every one either wound up dead or out of a job at the Manhattan DA's office because of her. There was even a spread in the Ledger that Liv was having Trevor Langan's baby." Every man shuddered at the mere thought.
The door opened to reveal Lenny Briscoe's nephew. "I got that report you wanted, Cap."
Munch's eyebrows raised high above his dark glasses. "I thought you were written out at the end of Season One."
He handed Don a scrap of paper. "I was." And he disappeared, never to be seen or mentioned for another thirteen years.
Cragen cleared his throat."But gentlemen, there is a more serious reason surrounding this soiree. According to my sources on Facebook, Livejournal, and Twitter, Casey Novak is coming back for an episode this spring."
DOINK DOINK
16th precinct
Olivia Benson was sitting at her desk twirling her long dark hair and doodling hearts and arrows around "Mrs. Elliot Stabler" and coming up with names for all their future babies when a tall red haired woman with pale skin and bright green eyes walked up to her and whispered softly. "Cragen around?" Olivia never looked up from her schoolgirl drawings as she pointed to the door. The woman cocked her head to the side in confusion and hurt, but slowly walked to the captain's office. Suddenly, Olivia's spidey sense kicked in as the scent of peaches and honeysuckle assaulted her nostrils. "Casey?" she questioned the empty room. She shook her head. It was just her imagination running wild. Planning weddings and babies with a married man will do that.
Within minutes, her three fellow detectives joined her in the bullpen and surrounded her desk. "Liv, we need to talk." said Elliot seriously.
She jumped up and kissed his cheek. "Anything for you, papa bear." she said seductively.
He grabbed her elbow and steered her towards an interrogation room. "I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER BE YOUR PAPA BEAR!" he bellowed shoving her into the stark room, the other two following them in bemusement. He shook his head and leaned against the far wall. "One of you guys is gonna have to take point on this."
Fin sat across from the female detective. "Liv, there's somethin' we gotta talk to you about." he said in a soft, caring tone. "Now, I'm gonna drop my gansta facade for a few minutes so we can talk friend to friend about what's going on with you. We have evidence that you're becoming friendly with the new ADA."
"Did she call?" she interrupted excitedly. "Did you see her? Did she ask about me? We had dinner the other night and I haven't heard from her since and I think I may have come on too strong. Damn it! I'm always doing that. Should I call her? I should call her and explain..."
Munch entered the interrogation room. "Olivia, why are you so concerned about the new ADA when" he paused to slide the paper of doodles from her desk across the table. "you are making schoolgirl doodles of hearts and lists of baby names that go with Stabler?"
She sighed dramatically. "Because I have to keep up the facade you moron." All three detectives wore similar expressions of confusion. She pointed at Munch. "You have to relate every case we get to some obscure governmental conspiracy theory." to Fin. "Mr. Gangsta knows stuff but is nothing more than a sad stereotype of a deadbeat father who can't deal with his gay son." Elliot."The stoic ex-marine family man whose entire family hates him because he's rather be at work than deal with the fact that he's in a loveless marriage." She stood and faced the mirror. "For over a decade, I have been a strong closeted butch. But then I go undercover and get a dick shoved in my face and suddenly I'm a baby crazed vic who needs a man to complete her." She took a deep breath. "Hitting on the ADA's makes me feel like me again."
On The Other Side Of The Mirror
Casey Novak stood, tears streaming down her cheeks, with her right hand pressed against the mirror in front of Olivia Benson's face. Cragen shifted uncomfortably. "I know it's hard to watch, Casey, but you see why you can't see each other during your guest appearance. You're both shells of the strong women you were during your previous time here. The two women you were six years ago. That's who the audience loved."
The redhead stepped back, wiping her cheeks. "On one level, I know you're right. But at the same time, what if we need each other to rediscover ourselves? She's hot. I'm hot. We should be hot together."
"That's for the fanfiction writers to flesh out. In the meantime, go home. I'll see you next week." the bald man led her to the door.
In The Interrogation Room
Elliot crossed his arms tightly across his chest, making the muscles in his forearm do a little dance. 'So, pretending to be carrying Langdan's lovechild and wanting to be the next Mrs. Stabler are all just a big ploy to convince the viewers that you're not Callie and Arizona gay?"
"Exactly."
He nodded to Munch who produced a piece of paper from a folder which appeared from nowhere. Munch slid the paper across the table. "Epic. Fail."
Olivia grabbed the paper from the table and scanned the contents. "What's this?"
"That is a listing of all of the Olivia Benson and some other woman fanfiction groups. There's alot."
"That's how I know stuff...by reading fanfic of you doing it to Casey or Alex or Abbie or..."
"The point is you're gay and everyone knows it and now we just need you to come to terms with it officially. That's why we've arranged for you to go to rehab."
"WHAT? REHAB?! That makes no sense!" she exclaimed.
"Celebrities go in and out of rehab all the time for reasons no one ever knows." stated Munch.
She held up her hand. "Am I going to be 'cured' of my gayness or to 'accept' it?"
"It's being run by Ellen and Elton John. What do you think?" added Fin.
"Sweeeeeeet. Is Portia gonna be there cuz there's this one thing I've been DYING to try out where you..."
Elliot held up his hands. "Don't know. Don't need to know. Point is Munch is going to be your escort to the rehab place and as soon as Casey's guest spot airs, I mean, you come to terms with your sexuality and reclaim your butchy wiles, then you can come back. But PLEASE. For the love of all the is holy and for the sanity of the femslash writers, PLEASE, stop bursting into tears over every baby you see. It's just gross and completely unsexy."
Olivia's shoulders slumped. "Ok. I'll go. I don't like it because I'm a victim and you insensitive asses should be treating me better."
Munch produced a duffel bag from under the table. "Alright, Liv. We should get going."
"Where did you get my stuff so fast?"
"oh, this is just some of the clothes your long list of ADA's has dropped off here over the years." He pulled a form fitting black leather jacket from the bag."
"Isn't that the..."
"The jacket you were wearing when Alex got shot, yes. Although I don't think it'll fit anymore." He stared over his glasses at her ample busom. He shoved it back in the bag and removed a pale blue button up shirt. "This one would work better. Casey seemed to wear it more often than you did." he shrugged his shoulders. "In any case, your wardrobe from your hard butch and soft butch days are in here. Basically seasons two through eight or nine."
She nodded silently and walked with him to the door. She stopped suddenly and turned to Fin and Elliot. "You said something about Casey earlier?" They both looked at the floor intent on ignoring her. "I follow her on Twitter, so I know she's coming back soon and I get that you guys are just protecting us both. But, when she puts her stuff on my desk and you find her at her favorite bar when the case goes to hell, then you'll know as well as I do that there's still a chance for me and her."
"Anything you want me to tell her?" Elliot said gruffly.
She shook her head. "No. She won't ask." She turned to Munch. "Alright, Munchkindoodle. Let's head to rehab."
Elliot and Fin watched their partners leave the room. "Ya really think this'll work, El?"
"Nahhhhh. Let's go to the gym and see who's muscles are bigger." With that the two remaining detectives left the interrogation room as their bald leader watched from the other side of the mirror, casually chewing a Twizzler and playing with his large penknife.
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Casey/Olivia implied
Summary: The male detectives stage an intervention for Olivia
Spoilers: Everything
Author's Note: This is my writer's block breakthrough after a very VERY long drought,so it may or may not suck. I think it kinda sucks, but hey, it's a writer's block breaking thing. It's kinda sorta not really crack!fic. Just alot of insanity. I started writing this before the guest ep by Diane Neal but you know how writers' block goes.
DOINK DOINK
Cragen's office
Captain Don Cragen stared at the three detectives in front of him. "Men, we have a situation on our hands. One that could rip the fabric of our precinct to smithereens."
"Yo, Cap, have you been takin' speech lessons from Mr. Conspiracy?" asked Fin, pointing to Munch and bobbing his head to some unknown rhythm.
"The situation is dire, " Don continued. "And must be halted immediately."
"Impending doom, blah blah blah, why isn't Benson in on this pow-wow?" questioned Munch, looking over the tops of his sunglasses.
"Because, boys, Olivia IS the situation."
Elliot Stabler laughed heartily. "Cap'n, I think you've been watchin' too much Jersey Shore. Besides, Liv's gotten soft. Her abs don't come close to...I mean..."he coughed uncomfortably at the stares directed his way. "What's the problem with Liv?"
Cragen pointed to a series of still surveillance photos which magically appeared on a board to his right. "As you can see, Olivia was seen taking coffee to our latest ADA. In this photo, notice the smiling, the winking, the lingering hand on the forearm. She MUST be stopped."
Elliot crossed his arms to hide his burgeoning man breasts. "So she's friendly. What's the big deal? I have big arms, fertile swimmers and a temper."
Don rolled his eyes and started laying down photos. "Abbie, Jeff York, Alex, Serena, Borgia, Novak, the one that followed Novak, Paxton, Rubirosa, now new girl. Every one had a relationship, be it friendly or romantic, with Olivia. Every one either wound up dead or out of a job at the Manhattan DA's office because of her. There was even a spread in the Ledger that Liv was having Trevor Langan's baby." Every man shuddered at the mere thought.
The door opened to reveal Lenny Briscoe's nephew. "I got that report you wanted, Cap."
Munch's eyebrows raised high above his dark glasses. "I thought you were written out at the end of Season One."
He handed Don a scrap of paper. "I was." And he disappeared, never to be seen or mentioned for another thirteen years.
Cragen cleared his throat."But gentlemen, there is a more serious reason surrounding this soiree. According to my sources on Facebook, Livejournal, and Twitter, Casey Novak is coming back for an episode this spring."
DOINK DOINK
16th precinct
Olivia Benson was sitting at her desk twirling her long dark hair and doodling hearts and arrows around "Mrs. Elliot Stabler" and coming up with names for all their future babies when a tall red haired woman with pale skin and bright green eyes walked up to her and whispered softly. "Cragen around?" Olivia never looked up from her schoolgirl drawings as she pointed to the door. The woman cocked her head to the side in confusion and hurt, but slowly walked to the captain's office. Suddenly, Olivia's spidey sense kicked in as the scent of peaches and honeysuckle assaulted her nostrils. "Casey?" she questioned the empty room. She shook her head. It was just her imagination running wild. Planning weddings and babies with a married man will do that.
Within minutes, her three fellow detectives joined her in the bullpen and surrounded her desk. "Liv, we need to talk." said Elliot seriously.
She jumped up and kissed his cheek. "Anything for you, papa bear." she said seductively.
He grabbed her elbow and steered her towards an interrogation room. "I AM NOT NOR WILL I EVER BE YOUR PAPA BEAR!" he bellowed shoving her into the stark room, the other two following them in bemusement. He shook his head and leaned against the far wall. "One of you guys is gonna have to take point on this."
Fin sat across from the female detective. "Liv, there's somethin' we gotta talk to you about." he said in a soft, caring tone. "Now, I'm gonna drop my gansta facade for a few minutes so we can talk friend to friend about what's going on with you. We have evidence that you're becoming friendly with the new ADA."
"Did she call?" she interrupted excitedly. "Did you see her? Did she ask about me? We had dinner the other night and I haven't heard from her since and I think I may have come on too strong. Damn it! I'm always doing that. Should I call her? I should call her and explain..."
Munch entered the interrogation room. "Olivia, why are you so concerned about the new ADA when" he paused to slide the paper of doodles from her desk across the table. "you are making schoolgirl doodles of hearts and lists of baby names that go with Stabler?"
She sighed dramatically. "Because I have to keep up the facade you moron." All three detectives wore similar expressions of confusion. She pointed at Munch. "You have to relate every case we get to some obscure governmental conspiracy theory." to Fin. "Mr. Gangsta knows stuff but is nothing more than a sad stereotype of a deadbeat father who can't deal with his gay son." Elliot."The stoic ex-marine family man whose entire family hates him because he's rather be at work than deal with the fact that he's in a loveless marriage." She stood and faced the mirror. "For over a decade, I have been a strong closeted butch. But then I go undercover and get a dick shoved in my face and suddenly I'm a baby crazed vic who needs a man to complete her." She took a deep breath. "Hitting on the ADA's makes me feel like me again."
On The Other Side Of The Mirror
Casey Novak stood, tears streaming down her cheeks, with her right hand pressed against the mirror in front of Olivia Benson's face. Cragen shifted uncomfortably. "I know it's hard to watch, Casey, but you see why you can't see each other during your guest appearance. You're both shells of the strong women you were during your previous time here. The two women you were six years ago. That's who the audience loved."
The redhead stepped back, wiping her cheeks. "On one level, I know you're right. But at the same time, what if we need each other to rediscover ourselves? She's hot. I'm hot. We should be hot together."
"That's for the fanfiction writers to flesh out. In the meantime, go home. I'll see you next week." the bald man led her to the door.
In The Interrogation Room
Elliot crossed his arms tightly across his chest, making the muscles in his forearm do a little dance. 'So, pretending to be carrying Langdan's lovechild and wanting to be the next Mrs. Stabler are all just a big ploy to convince the viewers that you're not Callie and Arizona gay?"
"Exactly."
He nodded to Munch who produced a piece of paper from a folder which appeared from nowhere. Munch slid the paper across the table. "Epic. Fail."
Olivia grabbed the paper from the table and scanned the contents. "What's this?"
"That is a listing of all of the Olivia Benson and some other woman fanfiction groups. There's alot."
"That's how I know stuff...by reading fanfic of you doing it to Casey or Alex or Abbie or..."
"The point is you're gay and everyone knows it and now we just need you to come to terms with it officially. That's why we've arranged for you to go to rehab."
"WHAT? REHAB?! That makes no sense!" she exclaimed.
"Celebrities go in and out of rehab all the time for reasons no one ever knows." stated Munch.
She held up her hand. "Am I going to be 'cured' of my gayness or to 'accept' it?"
"It's being run by Ellen and Elton John. What do you think?" added Fin.
"Sweeeeeeet. Is Portia gonna be there cuz there's this one thing I've been DYING to try out where you..."
Elliot held up his hands. "Don't know. Don't need to know. Point is Munch is going to be your escort to the rehab place and as soon as Casey's guest spot airs, I mean, you come to terms with your sexuality and reclaim your butchy wiles, then you can come back. But PLEASE. For the love of all the is holy and for the sanity of the femslash writers, PLEASE, stop bursting into tears over every baby you see. It's just gross and completely unsexy."
Olivia's shoulders slumped. "Ok. I'll go. I don't like it because I'm a victim and you insensitive asses should be treating me better."
Munch produced a duffel bag from under the table. "Alright, Liv. We should get going."
"Where did you get my stuff so fast?"
"oh, this is just some of the clothes your long list of ADA's has dropped off here over the years." He pulled a form fitting black leather jacket from the bag."
"Isn't that the..."
"The jacket you were wearing when Alex got shot, yes. Although I don't think it'll fit anymore." He stared over his glasses at her ample busom. He shoved it back in the bag and removed a pale blue button up shirt. "This one would work better. Casey seemed to wear it more often than you did." he shrugged his shoulders. "In any case, your wardrobe from your hard butch and soft butch days are in here. Basically seasons two through eight or nine."
She nodded silently and walked with him to the door. She stopped suddenly and turned to Fin and Elliot. "You said something about Casey earlier?" They both looked at the floor intent on ignoring her. "I follow her on Twitter, so I know she's coming back soon and I get that you guys are just protecting us both. But, when she puts her stuff on my desk and you find her at her favorite bar when the case goes to hell, then you'll know as well as I do that there's still a chance for me and her."
"Anything you want me to tell her?" Elliot said gruffly.
She shook her head. "No. She won't ask." She turned to Munch. "Alright, Munchkindoodle. Let's head to rehab."
Elliot and Fin watched their partners leave the room. "Ya really think this'll work, El?"
"Nahhhhh. Let's go to the gym and see who's muscles are bigger." With that the two remaining detectives left the interrogation room as their bald leader watched from the other side of the mirror, casually chewing a Twizzler and playing with his large penknife.