Definitions of Destiny: Chapter 21
Title: Definitions of Destiny
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter PG-13
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 21
"Y'know, everything about this place is weird, 'n I'm not just talkin' about the gravity and the oxygen supply," Han said, "though they're pretty screwed up too."
"Maybe the Polis Massans think we're the weirdest things here," Luke pointed out.
"It's the whole atmosphere. They're totally isolated, but no-one wants to change that."
"I get the feeling they're divided on that now. Contacting the Alliance must mean something more than just sharing research. I think they want to open up a bit more, but it'll take time. It'll change everything they're used to."
"It's odd, 'cause they're studying people who were obsessed with the future, but they do the opposite. Feels like everything's stuck in the past. I don't get how anyone can wanna live here day after day."
"They're searching for their roots. I guess it's taken over everything else."
"They really think their roots are here? With the Eellayin?"
Luke shrugged. "They haven't got any proof yet but they're determined to find it. It's one of the things their medical researchers are hoping to discover."
"A genetic link?"
"Something like that."
They glanced at each other before walking on in silence. They were making their way back through the inner transparisteel tunnels of the settlement hub, but their progress was more-or-less aimless. It felt good to be away from the claustrophobic strangeness of the caves and to stand back, just for a short while, from all the complications and confusion of the past hour.
It had been too much to take in, and even now Han had no real idea just where it was going to lead. He wanted to lie down, close his eyes and think of nothing for a very long time. Then maybe when he resurfaced he'd find it easier to understand. He felt like saying this to Luke, but there was a danger Luke would misunderstand. That Luke would reproach himself for piling all his problems on Han's shoulders. It wasn't like that at all. He just wished Luke could walk away from all this and live his life without having to examine the meaning of his existence every step of the way.
Also, Han didn't know where to start with all the questions he had. Apart from the revelations in the cave there were other issues involved. Senator Danu had hinted that something specific had happened here, but Han didn't think he was talking about the caves. And just what was it that Luke had done to kick-start, by accident, an agreement between the Alliance and Polis Massa?
Beside him, Luke seemed content just walking, even though he must have questions of his own. But the tunnel was busy and they had to keep stepping aside for groups of miners to pass. It would've been impossible to talk about anything meaningful there, even if they'd wanted to. Han wondered how Tiriss-elain was dealing with the new information. After all her years of research, she'd come across the answers almost by chance, and they'd thrown all her previous hypotheses into a different light.
They'd helped the frail Polis Massan back through the chain of caverns and left her in the care of Perek-tain. Tiriss-elain had maintained a thoughtful silence during the slow walk back, but just before they'd neared the plascrete hut she'd slowed her steps to a virtual standstill.
"We still have much to discuss," she'd said, "but for now, I think we all have enough to think about." She'd stopped and stood still for several moments, as if she'd been gathering the strength to speak again. "It's strange, because for the first time everything is beginning to make sense."
Then she'd turned her deep-set eyes on Luke. "Whether they do to you is another matter. The situation can't have been easy for you."
"It's not easy for him now," Han had said, before Luke could answer. "Only a few people know about Vader's identity. We've gotta be careful."
Tiriss-elain had wrapped her fingers around Han's hand and exerted the slightest pressure in reassurance. "I understand that. Everything you've told me will remain between the three of us until you instruct me otherwise. I know you're facing a difficult dilemma. I hope that time resolves it for you."
"Dunno how much more time we've got. Things have a nasty habit of gettin' out just when you least expect it."
Tiriss-elain had nodded. "I wish I could say that the galaxy will appreciate its good fortune in having another Jedi, and will take no account of past activities. But we all know how easily allegiances can change."
Now, Luke pushed his sleeve back to check his chrono. "I've got to meet Senator Danu in an hour."
"Want me to come along?" Han asked.
"It'll be boring diplomatic stuff. The terms of an alliance, if it gets that far."
"What - you're tellin' me I can't be diplomatic?"
Luke laughed. "Not exactly, but now you mention it... Anyway it'll be more interesting later on. There's another formal meal and I'm sure Que-raik will be hoping you'll go to it."
Han pulled a face. "Do they serve real drinks, or is it more of that green stuff?"
"Said very diplomatically, of course."
"Sometimes you've just gotta be honest. Mind you, it's weird enough for you to like it. 'Cept it's probably not hazardous enough."
Luke stopped and looked at Han, puzzled amusement in his eyes. "I haven't got a clue what point you're trying to make, if there even is one."
"That's 'cause you don't see anythin' odd about walking into situations that'd have most people running in the opposite direction."
"So when you decided to run towards those stormtroopers on the Death Star, that didn't count as insane I suppose?"
"If it'd been down to me, we wouldn't have been on the stupid thing in the first place."
"And you'd still have been living that trouble-free life."
"That's right."
Luke threw him a grin. "And you're always accusing me of being delusional! Still, if it keeps you happy."
"What'd keep me happy right now is finding a bar and getting a drink. All that mumbo jumbo's done my head in." Han glanced around in the hopes of spotting somewhere, but there was very little to see. The smooth transparent walls of the corridor looked out across closed-off, anonymous-looking suites of rooms and further encircling corridors, some of them usable only with breath masks. Every now and then Han glimpsed the dense asteroid belt surrounding them.
"There aren't any," Luke said. "They've got stores of food and drink for human visitors, but they don't use it themselves. I suppose there aren't enough visitors here to bother with a bar."
"I s'ppose not." It made sense. Polis Massa was essentially a closed-off community with little to attract outsiders. Those that did come probably didn't have socializing on the agenda. "So what now? You are gonna tell me everything aren't you?"
Luke slowed down to look at him. "Are you staying here tonight? Did they give you a room?"
Han nodded. "I'm not rushing off anywhere. The Administrator's gonna sort a room out." Luke had done his usual trick of answering one of Han's questions with more of his own, but Han had gone past the stage of backing off. Wasn't that his whole reason for being here? "So there's plenty of time for you to talk to me," he added.
"That's why I was asking. I wasn't trying to avoid your question."
"Ever thought about giving a straight yes or no answer sometimes?"
"Yes." Luke grinned at him. "I mean, I've thought about it."
"Great."
They'd reached a halt for the repulsor cars that traversed the colony's passages. Just beyond it a doorway led into an oval room subdivided into clusters of seating units. Han glanced into it with curiosity. It was half full of off-duty miners still wearing their heavy boot covers. Discarded oxygen helmets and tool belts covered many of the unoccupied seats. It seemed to be a communal area of some sort, but any conversing that was going on was taking place in near silence. Han caught faint hints of the soft, undulating sounds he'd heard on the journey down into the caves. For some reason it reminded him of the training sessions Luke and Leia had through the Force, and he turned to Luke with a quizzical frown.
"They're talkin' in there?"
Luke nodded. "Using telepathy."
"They can read each other's minds?"
"I don't think it's as strong as that, but it's a form of conversation."
"But they used standard speech with us."
"Senator Danu explained that to me. They have a way of being able to project speech outwards when they want to."
"Handy for us then. Or maybe you understand the silent stuff?"
Luke shook his head. "No. Even if I could follow the language I couldn't join in. It's unique to them. It's not like using the Force."
"What about the other way round?"
"D'you mean do they know what we're thinking?"
At Han's nod, Luke carried on. "I don't think so. They might be able to pick up signals - moods and stuff."
"Just as well, 'cause they wouldn't make any sense outta what's in my mind right now."
They boarded a transport and made their way back to the corridor that housed Luke's room. Artoo beeped with disapproval over the length of time Luke had been gone.
Han rolled his eyes at Luke's attempt to appease the droid. "He's gotta learn to let you out of his sight y'know."
"I know that," Luke said. "He was getting better on Arudin, but now he's gone right back to how he was just after Endor."
"Maybe the place gives him the creeps too."
Luke glanced back round at him. "Why d'you say that? I know you think it's strange, but I didn't realize you felt that strongly."
"I dunno," Han shrugged. "It feels all wrong. Ain't surprising when you think about it though."
"No, it isn't." Luke hesitated. "It's not the place Artoo has problems with. It's his memories."
"Huh?"
Luke stood up, giving Artoo one last pat on his dome. "This isn't his first visit here."
"He's been here before? Not with you, obviously."
"Yes, he came with me - sort of."
Han moved across and put his hands on Luke's shoulders. "What are you talking about? This is your first trip here."
"It was years ago."
There was an idea forming in the back of his mind, but Han couldn't quite grasp it yet. "When we met you'd never been off Tatooine," he objected.
"I wasn't born on Tatooine though."
Han stared at him. "You..." He took one of his hands off Luke's shoulders, rubbed it across his face. "Here?"
Luke nodded. "There were always too many coincidences. Artoo being on an Alderaanian ship. Him knowing where to find me on Tatooine. Telling me about Leia's presence on the Death Star. His agitation in Cloud City. His strange behavior after Endor. I couldn't work it out. It was like he knew things, but I didn't know how he could know them."
Han was barely listening to Luke, still trying to comprehend what he'd just heard. "Artoo was at your birth?"
"Yes. But I think Artoo's seen a lot more than that. I think he's frightened of history repeating itself. I think he's already lost one person to the Emperor."
"Vader?"
"It explains a lot."
"It's crazy."
"I know."
"And... your mother? D'you know any more? Who she was?"
"Not that, no," Luke said. "But there are other things I know." Luke glanced across at Artoo, who'd moved to the far side of the room. It looked like the conversation was making the droid uncomfortable. His dome was rotating slowly, several lights blinking in rhythmic succession. "He saw her die," Luke murmured. "It's no wonder it's hard for him."
Luke's comlink gave a short beep and he glanced at it in frustration. "Every time we have a chance to talk we get interrupted."
Han gave him a sympathetic smile and wandered across to sit on the bed, watching Luke as he spoke. Coincidences were one thing, but this was something way beyond a series of flukes. He didn't think he'd bother trying to work out what it was instead - for the sake of his sanity he reckoned he was better off just accepting it. In a way, it figured that Luke had been born here. It was another one of those extremes. Besides, anybody who had Darth Vader as a father had a strong chance of being born somewhere totally off the wall.
"That was Danu. They're running late so I've got an extra half hour," Luke explained. "I guess I'd better try and look presentable as it's supposed to be a formal meeting." As he spoke he shrugged off his cloak and flung it onto the nearest surface. Brushed at the coating of dust that'd settled on his clothes from the caves. His efforts didn't make much difference. All he succeeded in doing was redistributing the dust.
"Yeah, looks a lot better," Han commented.
"Very funny." Luke spent a few moments fumbling with his weapons belt, before giving out a short exclamation of impatience.
"What's the matter with your hand?" Han asked, isolating the root cause of Luke's clumsiness.
"Nothing."
Han stood up. "Well it ain't nothing, 'cause you wouldn't be losing your temper like that if it was." He unfastened the buckle for Luke, and placed the weapons belt on top of the discarded cloak. "Tell me."
"Sheni-dain - the cloning scientist - wanted to look at it. I think she's altered one of the circuits. Whenever I try doing something quickly my fingers won't work."
"Can't you change it back?"
"It's too fiddly."
Han moved back towards the bed, hauling Luke with him. "C'mon, I'll sort it out for you."
"I don't think-"
"Sit down," Han insisted.
Luke sat and held his hand out with something like resignation. Han grabbed it and rested it on his knee.
He spent a few moments fishing about in the pockets of his jacket before pulling out a tiny, flat-bladed tool. He held it up with some satisfaction.
"D'you come prepared for everything?" Luke asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm always prepared." Han grinned and leveled a significant look at Luke. "How 'bout you?"
His remark had the effect of chasing away some of the strain he could see in Luke's face, which is what he'd hoped. He leaned over the hand, easing the edge of the blade into the almost invisible gap formed by the access cover. Moved the blade along until it triggered the release catch.
He studied the complex circuit board for a few moments. There were individual units for each finger, but it wasn't obvious which functions they controlled.
"It's the red ones," Luke volunteered.
The dials were tiny, made for a surgical droid's accuracy. He reached into his jacket again, locating the precision tools he used on the Falcon's electronics. It wasn't surprising that Sheni-dain hadn't got it right. The whole mechanism was so sensitive that overcompensation was unavoidable. It was a matter of time and concentration.
Han had wrapped the fingers of his left hand around Luke's fingers, and now he brushed his thumb across Luke's palm. "Tell me when it feels right," he said. "Gonna be trial and error at first."
He kept up the gentle pressure on Luke's palm and focused his attention on the circuits. At first, Han was conscious of Luke looking anywhere but at what Han was doing, but as the minutes passed he turned his head, watching him. Han felt the subtle change in demeanor that crept over Luke, and it touched him like warmth that seemed to flow over his skin and settle deep inside him.
When he realized that Luke's gaze had turned to more of a stare he broke off and looked at him. "What?"
Luke shook his head. "Nothing."
"You're usin' that word again."
Luke smiled. "It's just you. The way you are."
"What - charming, good looking, courageous?"
"I mean, it really matters to you, doesn't it?"
"All the bits of you matter to me."
"But it's the way you go about it. As if it was a genuine part of me."
"Last time I looked it was joined to your arm. Seems a reasonable assumption to make."
When Luke didn't reply Han resumed the adjustments, waiting for a murmur of assent from Luke before finishing. He slid the tools back into his pocket and closed the circuit cover. Meshed his fingers with Luke's and planted a kiss on the inside of Luke's wrist. Luke's start of surprise wasn't unexpected.
"Isn't that a bit like kissing a droid?" Luke asked.
"Nope. Last time I kissed Threepio it didn't feel anything like that."
"Idiot. But doesn't it put you off, even a bit?"
"It wouldn't put me off if you just had a hook," Han said. "Well, as long as you watched where you were puttin' it," he added.
Luke gave a quiet laugh. "You should be careful not to give me ideas."
The laughter faded from Luke's face, replaced by a troubled preoccupation. Han waited, aware of the uneasiness and complexity of emotion generated by the hand.
"I know I haven't accepted it yet," Luke said at last. "It still feels strange. Like something that's ended up there by mistake."
Han enfolded Luke's hand in both of his. Circled his thumb against Luke's fingers. "It's gonna take time. You can't isolate the hand from all the other things that happened there 'cause Vader didn't do it just to harm you physically. He wanted to mess with your head. Cause some damage by playing with your mind."
"He certainly did that."
"He made you lose a lot more than your hand in Cloud City. And all the rest of it's linked with the injury in your memories."
"He made me lose my naivety," Luke muttered, a dark shadow passing behind his eyes for a fleeting moment.
Han shook his head. "Not naivety. You didn't go there because you thought you could beat Vader. You went 'cause you wanted to help us. It ain't the same thing. It's more like he took your past. We all think we know who we are. When you discover things were nothing like you thought they were, it turns everything upside down."
"I suppose that's why I found it hard yesterday, in the cloning labs. Sheni-dain saw a piece of technology. I saw all the other stuff. Still, one good thing came out of it - they're more enthusiastic about an alliance now. It's one of their big projects."
"What is?" Han asked, realizing that he'd just discovered what Danu had been talking about earlier on.
"Medical reconstruction. They grow cloned skin to use for transplants and prosthetics. We're several steps ahead with neural integration. Combine the two and the end result is the perfect false hand. Or whatever."
"Luke-"
"Then all they'll need to do is sort out everyone's private hang-ups."
Han pushed aside the surge of annoyance that Luke's explanation had induced. Luke just hadn't had time to come to terms with all his experiences yet, and it was far too soon for him to end up at the center of a medical research project. The technical side of it should've come from the surgical droids. But the rest of him understood how it'd come about. Luke was here, and the droids weren't. And nobody was going to have considered that approaching Luke that way would cause any psychological discomfort.
So instead of brooding about it he kissed Luke instead. Just a quick kiss on the lips, not wanting to distract Luke whilst he felt like talking. "You're not gonna have any private hang-ups from now on. Just shared ones," he stated.
The smile returned to Luke's eyes. "I just wish I could be more detached about it."
"It's just not in your nature. Ain't the answer anyway."
"So what is?"
"There isn't a straightforward one. Like I said before, everything's linked together. Once you get one thing sorted out in your head, everything else is gonna start coming together. It won't happen right away, but we'll get there sooner than you think."
Luke slid a hand around Han's neck and Han saw that the new-found contentment Luke had exhibited in the cave was still there. Luke's recollection of Bespin had tempered it, just a little, but it remained the predominant, visible emotion.
"I've already started sorting things out in my head," he said, pushing his fingertips into the hair at Han's nape. "There's so much I need to tell you."
"I wanna tell you a few things too. There never seems to be any time."
"I know. And I'll have to go soon."
Han moved a hand to frame Luke's jaw, pulled him closer and into another kiss. It took him a lot longer this time to pull away. He left his hand in place, keeping Luke as close as possible.
"Before you go, there's just one thing I need to know. Maybe you can't answer it, but I've gotta ask."
"Go on."
"You said the carvings have given you an answer, and you know what you're gonna do."
"Not just the carvings, but yes."
"Even after hearing about everything else - the prophecy, the balance, the Jedi stories - I still don't know what that means. I don't know if you're gonna stay or go."
Luke may have been about to reply, but Han silenced him with another swift kiss. "And I know I told you'd I'd never push you. That whatever you chose I'd accept. But I've been doin' a lot of thinking since then, and I'm gonna have to put my side of it," he continued.
"I'm sorry. I know I've been difficult over this," Luke said. "Until I came here it really wasn't clear to me. It's never been about wanting to leave."
"Hey - I know all that. You don't have to justify it. I just wanna know. You can use a simple yes or no if you like."
Luke's face broke into a smile that was as close to radiant as Han had ever seen. "Yes," he said.
Han grinned, despite the fact he was no closer to knowing the answer. But twice in under an hour was pretty good going. "Is that yes to staying or yes to leaving?"
"I told you back in the caverns that what I'd decided to do was the same as what I wanted to do. So what do you think?"
"You don't believe in one-word answers do you?" Han complained. "What I think is that you'd better not tell me you're gonna leave after I've gone to all this trouble just to get any sorta answer out of you."
"Then it's a good job I'm not about to tell you that," Luke said.
"Good." Han knew he was sitting there with what was probably a stupid expression on his face, but he couldn't do much about it. The truth was, he didn't quite trust himself to speak. Or move. He hadn't realized just how far the tension had built up inside him, or how close it'd come to spilling over. Now it'd turned to something like wild exhilaration, which threatened to be equally unmanageable.
Luke had seen it of course. Han knew that by the way he slid his palm across Han's cheek. And the way he seemed to put everything he'd not yet said into his simple, quiet response. "Han."
He'd have been happy to sit there indefinitely, staring into Luke's eyes and trying to accept the fact that he now understood where all the crazy clichés above being in love came from. But Luke was here on an assignment, and he had an obligation to fulfill.
"You'd better get ready to go," Han said, dragging the words out to make them last longer.
"Why don't you come too?"
"Nah. I'd go 'n say the wrong thing. I'm gonna go grab some stuff from the Falcon. Find out where the room is they've got for me."
Luke nodded and stood up. He ran a hand through his hair and left it looking more disheveled than it was to begin with.
"I don't know how long it'll go on for. I'll contact you when it's over."
"I'll fetch a change of clothes. If it's a formal meal then I'd better look respectable. Mind you, if you're setting the standards round here..."
Luke glanced down at his crumpled tunic and dust-covered boots, then threw Han a wry grin. "I'm out of time. It'll have to do." He snatched at his weapons belt and strapped it round his hips, then headed for the door, touching Artoo's dome on the way.
"Hey," Han called out, leaping up from the bed. "Don't you want this?" He reached out and grasped Luke's cloak.
Luke's smile widened. "No."
Han shrugged, puzzled. "Okay."
"I'll explain later. Gotta go."
And with that Luke was out of the door and out of sight, leaving Han standing there, the rejected cloak bunched up in his hand.
chapter 22
Author: Caryn B
Fandom: Star Wars (film canon only - see notes)
Timeline: 6 months after RotJ
Pairing: Luke/Han, slash
Rating: NC-17 overall; this chapter PG-13
Warnings: None
The list of chapters is here
Chapter 21
"Y'know, everything about this place is weird, 'n I'm not just talkin' about the gravity and the oxygen supply," Han said, "though they're pretty screwed up too."
"Maybe the Polis Massans think we're the weirdest things here," Luke pointed out.
"It's the whole atmosphere. They're totally isolated, but no-one wants to change that."
"I get the feeling they're divided on that now. Contacting the Alliance must mean something more than just sharing research. I think they want to open up a bit more, but it'll take time. It'll change everything they're used to."
"It's odd, 'cause they're studying people who were obsessed with the future, but they do the opposite. Feels like everything's stuck in the past. I don't get how anyone can wanna live here day after day."
"They're searching for their roots. I guess it's taken over everything else."
"They really think their roots are here? With the Eellayin?"
Luke shrugged. "They haven't got any proof yet but they're determined to find it. It's one of the things their medical researchers are hoping to discover."
"A genetic link?"
"Something like that."
They glanced at each other before walking on in silence. They were making their way back through the inner transparisteel tunnels of the settlement hub, but their progress was more-or-less aimless. It felt good to be away from the claustrophobic strangeness of the caves and to stand back, just for a short while, from all the complications and confusion of the past hour.
It had been too much to take in, and even now Han had no real idea just where it was going to lead. He wanted to lie down, close his eyes and think of nothing for a very long time. Then maybe when he resurfaced he'd find it easier to understand. He felt like saying this to Luke, but there was a danger Luke would misunderstand. That Luke would reproach himself for piling all his problems on Han's shoulders. It wasn't like that at all. He just wished Luke could walk away from all this and live his life without having to examine the meaning of his existence every step of the way.
Also, Han didn't know where to start with all the questions he had. Apart from the revelations in the cave there were other issues involved. Senator Danu had hinted that something specific had happened here, but Han didn't think he was talking about the caves. And just what was it that Luke had done to kick-start, by accident, an agreement between the Alliance and Polis Massa?
Beside him, Luke seemed content just walking, even though he must have questions of his own. But the tunnel was busy and they had to keep stepping aside for groups of miners to pass. It would've been impossible to talk about anything meaningful there, even if they'd wanted to. Han wondered how Tiriss-elain was dealing with the new information. After all her years of research, she'd come across the answers almost by chance, and they'd thrown all her previous hypotheses into a different light.
They'd helped the frail Polis Massan back through the chain of caverns and left her in the care of Perek-tain. Tiriss-elain had maintained a thoughtful silence during the slow walk back, but just before they'd neared the plascrete hut she'd slowed her steps to a virtual standstill.
"We still have much to discuss," she'd said, "but for now, I think we all have enough to think about." She'd stopped and stood still for several moments, as if she'd been gathering the strength to speak again. "It's strange, because for the first time everything is beginning to make sense."
Then she'd turned her deep-set eyes on Luke. "Whether they do to you is another matter. The situation can't have been easy for you."
"It's not easy for him now," Han had said, before Luke could answer. "Only a few people know about Vader's identity. We've gotta be careful."
Tiriss-elain had wrapped her fingers around Han's hand and exerted the slightest pressure in reassurance. "I understand that. Everything you've told me will remain between the three of us until you instruct me otherwise. I know you're facing a difficult dilemma. I hope that time resolves it for you."
"Dunno how much more time we've got. Things have a nasty habit of gettin' out just when you least expect it."
Tiriss-elain had nodded. "I wish I could say that the galaxy will appreciate its good fortune in having another Jedi, and will take no account of past activities. But we all know how easily allegiances can change."
Now, Luke pushed his sleeve back to check his chrono. "I've got to meet Senator Danu in an hour."
"Want me to come along?" Han asked.
"It'll be boring diplomatic stuff. The terms of an alliance, if it gets that far."
"What - you're tellin' me I can't be diplomatic?"
Luke laughed. "Not exactly, but now you mention it... Anyway it'll be more interesting later on. There's another formal meal and I'm sure Que-raik will be hoping you'll go to it."
Han pulled a face. "Do they serve real drinks, or is it more of that green stuff?"
"Said very diplomatically, of course."
"Sometimes you've just gotta be honest. Mind you, it's weird enough for you to like it. 'Cept it's probably not hazardous enough."
Luke stopped and looked at Han, puzzled amusement in his eyes. "I haven't got a clue what point you're trying to make, if there even is one."
"That's 'cause you don't see anythin' odd about walking into situations that'd have most people running in the opposite direction."
"So when you decided to run towards those stormtroopers on the Death Star, that didn't count as insane I suppose?"
"If it'd been down to me, we wouldn't have been on the stupid thing in the first place."
"And you'd still have been living that trouble-free life."
"That's right."
Luke threw him a grin. "And you're always accusing me of being delusional! Still, if it keeps you happy."
"What'd keep me happy right now is finding a bar and getting a drink. All that mumbo jumbo's done my head in." Han glanced around in the hopes of spotting somewhere, but there was very little to see. The smooth transparent walls of the corridor looked out across closed-off, anonymous-looking suites of rooms and further encircling corridors, some of them usable only with breath masks. Every now and then Han glimpsed the dense asteroid belt surrounding them.
"There aren't any," Luke said. "They've got stores of food and drink for human visitors, but they don't use it themselves. I suppose there aren't enough visitors here to bother with a bar."
"I s'ppose not." It made sense. Polis Massa was essentially a closed-off community with little to attract outsiders. Those that did come probably didn't have socializing on the agenda. "So what now? You are gonna tell me everything aren't you?"
Luke slowed down to look at him. "Are you staying here tonight? Did they give you a room?"
Han nodded. "I'm not rushing off anywhere. The Administrator's gonna sort a room out." Luke had done his usual trick of answering one of Han's questions with more of his own, but Han had gone past the stage of backing off. Wasn't that his whole reason for being here? "So there's plenty of time for you to talk to me," he added.
"That's why I was asking. I wasn't trying to avoid your question."
"Ever thought about giving a straight yes or no answer sometimes?"
"Yes." Luke grinned at him. "I mean, I've thought about it."
"Great."
They'd reached a halt for the repulsor cars that traversed the colony's passages. Just beyond it a doorway led into an oval room subdivided into clusters of seating units. Han glanced into it with curiosity. It was half full of off-duty miners still wearing their heavy boot covers. Discarded oxygen helmets and tool belts covered many of the unoccupied seats. It seemed to be a communal area of some sort, but any conversing that was going on was taking place in near silence. Han caught faint hints of the soft, undulating sounds he'd heard on the journey down into the caves. For some reason it reminded him of the training sessions Luke and Leia had through the Force, and he turned to Luke with a quizzical frown.
"They're talkin' in there?"
Luke nodded. "Using telepathy."
"They can read each other's minds?"
"I don't think it's as strong as that, but it's a form of conversation."
"But they used standard speech with us."
"Senator Danu explained that to me. They have a way of being able to project speech outwards when they want to."
"Handy for us then. Or maybe you understand the silent stuff?"
Luke shook his head. "No. Even if I could follow the language I couldn't join in. It's unique to them. It's not like using the Force."
"What about the other way round?"
"D'you mean do they know what we're thinking?"
At Han's nod, Luke carried on. "I don't think so. They might be able to pick up signals - moods and stuff."
"Just as well, 'cause they wouldn't make any sense outta what's in my mind right now."
They boarded a transport and made their way back to the corridor that housed Luke's room. Artoo beeped with disapproval over the length of time Luke had been gone.
Han rolled his eyes at Luke's attempt to appease the droid. "He's gotta learn to let you out of his sight y'know."
"I know that," Luke said. "He was getting better on Arudin, but now he's gone right back to how he was just after Endor."
"Maybe the place gives him the creeps too."
Luke glanced back round at him. "Why d'you say that? I know you think it's strange, but I didn't realize you felt that strongly."
"I dunno," Han shrugged. "It feels all wrong. Ain't surprising when you think about it though."
"No, it isn't." Luke hesitated. "It's not the place Artoo has problems with. It's his memories."
"Huh?"
Luke stood up, giving Artoo one last pat on his dome. "This isn't his first visit here."
"He's been here before? Not with you, obviously."
"Yes, he came with me - sort of."
Han moved across and put his hands on Luke's shoulders. "What are you talking about? This is your first trip here."
"It was years ago."
There was an idea forming in the back of his mind, but Han couldn't quite grasp it yet. "When we met you'd never been off Tatooine," he objected.
"I wasn't born on Tatooine though."
Han stared at him. "You..." He took one of his hands off Luke's shoulders, rubbed it across his face. "Here?"
Luke nodded. "There were always too many coincidences. Artoo being on an Alderaanian ship. Him knowing where to find me on Tatooine. Telling me about Leia's presence on the Death Star. His agitation in Cloud City. His strange behavior after Endor. I couldn't work it out. It was like he knew things, but I didn't know how he could know them."
Han was barely listening to Luke, still trying to comprehend what he'd just heard. "Artoo was at your birth?"
"Yes. But I think Artoo's seen a lot more than that. I think he's frightened of history repeating itself. I think he's already lost one person to the Emperor."
"Vader?"
"It explains a lot."
"It's crazy."
"I know."
"And... your mother? D'you know any more? Who she was?"
"Not that, no," Luke said. "But there are other things I know." Luke glanced across at Artoo, who'd moved to the far side of the room. It looked like the conversation was making the droid uncomfortable. His dome was rotating slowly, several lights blinking in rhythmic succession. "He saw her die," Luke murmured. "It's no wonder it's hard for him."
Luke's comlink gave a short beep and he glanced at it in frustration. "Every time we have a chance to talk we get interrupted."
Han gave him a sympathetic smile and wandered across to sit on the bed, watching Luke as he spoke. Coincidences were one thing, but this was something way beyond a series of flukes. He didn't think he'd bother trying to work out what it was instead - for the sake of his sanity he reckoned he was better off just accepting it. In a way, it figured that Luke had been born here. It was another one of those extremes. Besides, anybody who had Darth Vader as a father had a strong chance of being born somewhere totally off the wall.
"That was Danu. They're running late so I've got an extra half hour," Luke explained. "I guess I'd better try and look presentable as it's supposed to be a formal meeting." As he spoke he shrugged off his cloak and flung it onto the nearest surface. Brushed at the coating of dust that'd settled on his clothes from the caves. His efforts didn't make much difference. All he succeeded in doing was redistributing the dust.
"Yeah, looks a lot better," Han commented.
"Very funny." Luke spent a few moments fumbling with his weapons belt, before giving out a short exclamation of impatience.
"What's the matter with your hand?" Han asked, isolating the root cause of Luke's clumsiness.
"Nothing."
Han stood up. "Well it ain't nothing, 'cause you wouldn't be losing your temper like that if it was." He unfastened the buckle for Luke, and placed the weapons belt on top of the discarded cloak. "Tell me."
"Sheni-dain - the cloning scientist - wanted to look at it. I think she's altered one of the circuits. Whenever I try doing something quickly my fingers won't work."
"Can't you change it back?"
"It's too fiddly."
Han moved back towards the bed, hauling Luke with him. "C'mon, I'll sort it out for you."
"I don't think-"
"Sit down," Han insisted.
Luke sat and held his hand out with something like resignation. Han grabbed it and rested it on his knee.
He spent a few moments fishing about in the pockets of his jacket before pulling out a tiny, flat-bladed tool. He held it up with some satisfaction.
"D'you come prepared for everything?" Luke asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm always prepared." Han grinned and leveled a significant look at Luke. "How 'bout you?"
His remark had the effect of chasing away some of the strain he could see in Luke's face, which is what he'd hoped. He leaned over the hand, easing the edge of the blade into the almost invisible gap formed by the access cover. Moved the blade along until it triggered the release catch.
He studied the complex circuit board for a few moments. There were individual units for each finger, but it wasn't obvious which functions they controlled.
"It's the red ones," Luke volunteered.
The dials were tiny, made for a surgical droid's accuracy. He reached into his jacket again, locating the precision tools he used on the Falcon's electronics. It wasn't surprising that Sheni-dain hadn't got it right. The whole mechanism was so sensitive that overcompensation was unavoidable. It was a matter of time and concentration.
Han had wrapped the fingers of his left hand around Luke's fingers, and now he brushed his thumb across Luke's palm. "Tell me when it feels right," he said. "Gonna be trial and error at first."
He kept up the gentle pressure on Luke's palm and focused his attention on the circuits. At first, Han was conscious of Luke looking anywhere but at what Han was doing, but as the minutes passed he turned his head, watching him. Han felt the subtle change in demeanor that crept over Luke, and it touched him like warmth that seemed to flow over his skin and settle deep inside him.
When he realized that Luke's gaze had turned to more of a stare he broke off and looked at him. "What?"
Luke shook his head. "Nothing."
"You're usin' that word again."
Luke smiled. "It's just you. The way you are."
"What - charming, good looking, courageous?"
"I mean, it really matters to you, doesn't it?"
"All the bits of you matter to me."
"But it's the way you go about it. As if it was a genuine part of me."
"Last time I looked it was joined to your arm. Seems a reasonable assumption to make."
When Luke didn't reply Han resumed the adjustments, waiting for a murmur of assent from Luke before finishing. He slid the tools back into his pocket and closed the circuit cover. Meshed his fingers with Luke's and planted a kiss on the inside of Luke's wrist. Luke's start of surprise wasn't unexpected.
"Isn't that a bit like kissing a droid?" Luke asked.
"Nope. Last time I kissed Threepio it didn't feel anything like that."
"Idiot. But doesn't it put you off, even a bit?"
"It wouldn't put me off if you just had a hook," Han said. "Well, as long as you watched where you were puttin' it," he added.
Luke gave a quiet laugh. "You should be careful not to give me ideas."
The laughter faded from Luke's face, replaced by a troubled preoccupation. Han waited, aware of the uneasiness and complexity of emotion generated by the hand.
"I know I haven't accepted it yet," Luke said at last. "It still feels strange. Like something that's ended up there by mistake."
Han enfolded Luke's hand in both of his. Circled his thumb against Luke's fingers. "It's gonna take time. You can't isolate the hand from all the other things that happened there 'cause Vader didn't do it just to harm you physically. He wanted to mess with your head. Cause some damage by playing with your mind."
"He certainly did that."
"He made you lose a lot more than your hand in Cloud City. And all the rest of it's linked with the injury in your memories."
"He made me lose my naivety," Luke muttered, a dark shadow passing behind his eyes for a fleeting moment.
Han shook his head. "Not naivety. You didn't go there because you thought you could beat Vader. You went 'cause you wanted to help us. It ain't the same thing. It's more like he took your past. We all think we know who we are. When you discover things were nothing like you thought they were, it turns everything upside down."
"I suppose that's why I found it hard yesterday, in the cloning labs. Sheni-dain saw a piece of technology. I saw all the other stuff. Still, one good thing came out of it - they're more enthusiastic about an alliance now. It's one of their big projects."
"What is?" Han asked, realizing that he'd just discovered what Danu had been talking about earlier on.
"Medical reconstruction. They grow cloned skin to use for transplants and prosthetics. We're several steps ahead with neural integration. Combine the two and the end result is the perfect false hand. Or whatever."
"Luke-"
"Then all they'll need to do is sort out everyone's private hang-ups."
Han pushed aside the surge of annoyance that Luke's explanation had induced. Luke just hadn't had time to come to terms with all his experiences yet, and it was far too soon for him to end up at the center of a medical research project. The technical side of it should've come from the surgical droids. But the rest of him understood how it'd come about. Luke was here, and the droids weren't. And nobody was going to have considered that approaching Luke that way would cause any psychological discomfort.
So instead of brooding about it he kissed Luke instead. Just a quick kiss on the lips, not wanting to distract Luke whilst he felt like talking. "You're not gonna have any private hang-ups from now on. Just shared ones," he stated.
The smile returned to Luke's eyes. "I just wish I could be more detached about it."
"It's just not in your nature. Ain't the answer anyway."
"So what is?"
"There isn't a straightforward one. Like I said before, everything's linked together. Once you get one thing sorted out in your head, everything else is gonna start coming together. It won't happen right away, but we'll get there sooner than you think."
Luke slid a hand around Han's neck and Han saw that the new-found contentment Luke had exhibited in the cave was still there. Luke's recollection of Bespin had tempered it, just a little, but it remained the predominant, visible emotion.
"I've already started sorting things out in my head," he said, pushing his fingertips into the hair at Han's nape. "There's so much I need to tell you."
"I wanna tell you a few things too. There never seems to be any time."
"I know. And I'll have to go soon."
Han moved a hand to frame Luke's jaw, pulled him closer and into another kiss. It took him a lot longer this time to pull away. He left his hand in place, keeping Luke as close as possible.
"Before you go, there's just one thing I need to know. Maybe you can't answer it, but I've gotta ask."
"Go on."
"You said the carvings have given you an answer, and you know what you're gonna do."
"Not just the carvings, but yes."
"Even after hearing about everything else - the prophecy, the balance, the Jedi stories - I still don't know what that means. I don't know if you're gonna stay or go."
Luke may have been about to reply, but Han silenced him with another swift kiss. "And I know I told you'd I'd never push you. That whatever you chose I'd accept. But I've been doin' a lot of thinking since then, and I'm gonna have to put my side of it," he continued.
"I'm sorry. I know I've been difficult over this," Luke said. "Until I came here it really wasn't clear to me. It's never been about wanting to leave."
"Hey - I know all that. You don't have to justify it. I just wanna know. You can use a simple yes or no if you like."
Luke's face broke into a smile that was as close to radiant as Han had ever seen. "Yes," he said.
Han grinned, despite the fact he was no closer to knowing the answer. But twice in under an hour was pretty good going. "Is that yes to staying or yes to leaving?"
"I told you back in the caverns that what I'd decided to do was the same as what I wanted to do. So what do you think?"
"You don't believe in one-word answers do you?" Han complained. "What I think is that you'd better not tell me you're gonna leave after I've gone to all this trouble just to get any sorta answer out of you."
"Then it's a good job I'm not about to tell you that," Luke said.
"Good." Han knew he was sitting there with what was probably a stupid expression on his face, but he couldn't do much about it. The truth was, he didn't quite trust himself to speak. Or move. He hadn't realized just how far the tension had built up inside him, or how close it'd come to spilling over. Now it'd turned to something like wild exhilaration, which threatened to be equally unmanageable.
Luke had seen it of course. Han knew that by the way he slid his palm across Han's cheek. And the way he seemed to put everything he'd not yet said into his simple, quiet response. "Han."
He'd have been happy to sit there indefinitely, staring into Luke's eyes and trying to accept the fact that he now understood where all the crazy clichés above being in love came from. But Luke was here on an assignment, and he had an obligation to fulfill.
"You'd better get ready to go," Han said, dragging the words out to make them last longer.
"Why don't you come too?"
"Nah. I'd go 'n say the wrong thing. I'm gonna go grab some stuff from the Falcon. Find out where the room is they've got for me."
Luke nodded and stood up. He ran a hand through his hair and left it looking more disheveled than it was to begin with.
"I don't know how long it'll go on for. I'll contact you when it's over."
"I'll fetch a change of clothes. If it's a formal meal then I'd better look respectable. Mind you, if you're setting the standards round here..."
Luke glanced down at his crumpled tunic and dust-covered boots, then threw Han a wry grin. "I'm out of time. It'll have to do." He snatched at his weapons belt and strapped it round his hips, then headed for the door, touching Artoo's dome on the way.
"Hey," Han called out, leaping up from the bed. "Don't you want this?" He reached out and grasped Luke's cloak.
Luke's smile widened. "No."
Han shrugged, puzzled. "Okay."
"I'll explain later. Gotta go."
And with that Luke was out of the door and out of sight, leaving Han standing there, the rejected cloak bunched up in his hand.
chapter 22