Fic: Those Old Streetscapes 7/? (Glee, Puck/Kurt, PG)
Title: Those Old Streetscapes 7/?
Fandom: Glee/So You Think You Can Dance
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG
Word count: 9,800
Warnings: Cheesiness. Lack of dance knowledge. Random Cat Deeley fangirling.
Summary: AU. Kurt's a classically trained dancer who has trouble connecting to his audience. Puck's a novice b-boy with loads of charisma and not a whole lot else. When they meet at the New York auditions for So You Think You Can Dance, both their lives change in more ways than they anticipated.
A/N: You know, this was supposed to be a fun, pressure-free summer project, just a quick fic once a week, maybe an afternoon's worth of writing. No big, right? Wrong. SO VERY WRONG. I will (hopefully) post a brief results show fic tomorrow. I'm posting early today because I have to spend the whole afternoon running around. At least I get to leave work early to do it; that's something.
Week Five: Top Eighteen Perform
The thing was, being safe didn’t make Kurt feel all that much better. Puck was pretty sure nobody else noticed, and maybe if they weren’t sharing a room Puck wouldn’t have noticed either. But he’d spent enough time around Kurt to tell when he was brooding about something, and as soon as they got back to their room and Puck tried to bring it up, Kurt locked himself in the bathroom to do whatever the hell he did in there every night.
So okay, he needed a little time to feel sorry for himself or whatever. Puck didn’t push it when Kurt finally came out of the bathroom wearing a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt that sort of clung to him, because asking Kurt if he was okay meant drawing attention to himself, and the truth was Puck was kind of enjoying the show.
Kurt didn’t let his guard down all that often; usually he was pretty self-conscious, and he always noticed Puck looking at him and got even more uptight. But it turned out beating himself up about succeeding at something was pretty distracting, because Puck had been watching him move around the room for a good five minutes and Kurt hadn’t noticed yet.
He wasn’t sure what Kurt was doing. Organizing his suitcase, it looked like, and Puck didn’t really get why, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that Kurt had been expecting to go home tonight. But the thing was, they’d all kind of been expecting to get cut, and Kurt was the only one who was acting sort of pissed that he wasn’t the one to go.
“Dude, you okay?”
At the sound of his voice Kurt’s shoulders went kind of stiff, like maybe he was just remembering he wasn’t alone.
“Fine,” he said without looking over at Puck.
And he wasn’t fine, that much was clear, but if he didn’t want to talk about it Puck wasn’t going to make him. “You want to put the other bed back together?”
Kurt shrugged without looking up, and Puck couldn’t tell if he wanted his bed back and didn’t want to say, or if he wanted Puck to stay put and didn’t want to admit it. All Puck knew for sure was that he liked sleeping with Kurt, even if all they did was sleep. So he shrugged and said, “Up to you, bro,” then he headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When he finished Kurt was in bed, back to the room and Puck could tell he was supposed to think Kurt was asleep. He rolled his eyes and shut off the light, then he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. He stretched out on his back and looked over at Kurt, tracing the tense line of his back under the sheet and wondering what Kurt would do if Puck offered to help take his mind off it.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know what was bothering Kurt. Puck had watched the show on the monitors backstage along with everyone else, and he’d heard the judges tear into Kurt about his lack of connection. He couldn’t even argue, because he’d seen Kurt dance, and it was obvious he wasn’t feeling the chemistry with Tina. Puck had tried to help him figure it out, but it was obvious he hadn’t done enough, because Kurt kept helping him get through dances he shouldn’t be able to do, and Puck hadn’t helped Kurt loosen up at all.
“So I’ve been thinking,” he said, watching Kurt go a little more rigid at the sound of his voice. “I think I know how to fix your problem.”
For awhile Kurt didn’t answer, and Puck was starting to think he was just going to pretend to be asleep when he finally said, “My problem?”
“Yeah,” Puck said, turning on his side and propping himself up on one elbow to stare at the back of Kurt’s head. “I think you need to hang out with Tina.”
“Hang out with…” Kurt shifted on the mattress until he was facing Puck, eyes darker than usual and it was hard to tell without the light on, but Puck thought he looked kind of pissed. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the way Nigel keeps getting on your case about not connecting with your partner. You’ve been spending all your time hanging out with me, and it’s not helping you connect with her, you know?”
“I’ve been trying to help you,” Kurt said, voice going kind of high and tight, and now Puck knew he was pissed. “Unless you’ve forgotten that you came into this competition two days behind everyone else.”
“Dude, I know. You’ve been seriously awesome. But that’s my point; it’s kind of my fault you caught it from Nigel this week. You’ve been spending all your time helping me out, and you haven’t gotten the chance to click with Tina. So I’m saying you should probably hang out with her some, you know? Make that connection or whatever.”
It was too dark to tell what Kurt was thinking, but a second later he nodded and moved a little further toward the edge of the bed. “Of course. I’ll speak to Tina tomorrow.”
He turned his back to Puck as he spoke, settling on the pillow and tucking one arm under his head. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go, because it wasn’t like Puck wanted Kurt to ditch him for Tina or anybody else. But he couldn’t keep being selfish with Kurt’s time, either, not if he wanted Kurt to stick around for as long as possible.
“Kurt…” This time Puck didn’t try to stop himself from reaching out, but as soon as his hand touched Kurt’s shoulder Kurt flinched away from him.
“Tomorrow we should put your bed back together. Housekeeping’s going to come in here eventually, and we’ll probably get in trouble if they see we’ve dismantled the furniture.”
And that definitely wasn’t how this was supposed to go, but if that was what Kurt wanted, there was nothing Puck could do about it. “Yeah,” he said, shifting onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. “Whatever you say.”
~
They didn’t get a lot of free time, but every so often there was a gap in the schedule long enough to let them leave the hotel and explore L.A. a little. Which meant taking advantage of L.A. shopping, and when Kurt overheard Mercedes and Brittany organizing a trip, he didn’t even hesitate before he invited himself and Tina along.
He appreciated the chance to do some shopping - Lima left a lot to be desired in that department, after all - but at the moment he was even more interested in spending as much time away from his roommate as possible. Maybe he didn’t have much experience with relationships, but he knew enough to realize when someone was trying to get rid of him, and it was obvious that Puck was tired of Kurt already.
Or worse, Puck had figured out that Kurt had a stupid, hopeless crush on him, and he was trying to let Kurt down gently. Giving him an out, as it were, and Kurt wasn’t too stupid to take it.
He supposed he should be grateful to Puck for giving him the chance to save face. Still, that didn’t explain the fact that Puck seemed reluctant to go back to sleeping in his own bed, and it didn’t explain the way Puck had held onto him when Kurt found out he was safe from elimination. So maybe he was trying not to lead Kurt on; something else he should probably be grateful for, but mostly it just made him wish they’d never met back in New York.
The thought left a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he pushed it down as far as it would go and forced himself to focus on the two shirts Mercedes was holding up. “What do you think?”
Personally, Kurt thought they were both a bit too much. Hot pink zebra stripes might have their place in the world, but it wasn’t a place Kurt particularly wanted to visit. The other top was at least less neon, but it still featured a tacky animal print. Kurt caught himself before he wrinkled his nose, forcing a smile and a little shrug.
“If anyone can pull off that shade of pink, it’s definitely you.”
The way she beamed at him told him that she took it the way he’d hoped, and he managed a more sincere smile in return. A second later Mercedes was turning away, and Kurt glanced over his shoulder in search of Tina and Brittany. He spotted them near a display of hats, laughing about something as they took turns in the mirror trying them on.
Kurt wandered over in time to watch Brittany pull on a white fedora with black pinstripes, tugging on the brim and grinning at Tina before she turned to look in the mirror. She caught sight of Kurt just behind her own reflection, and when she did she smiled and turned to face him.
“Let’s see how it looks on Kurt,” she said, pulling the fedora off and holding it out to him.
He shook his head, but before he could come up with a reason not to Brittany was pulling it on and stepping back to grin at him. “It makes you look gangster.”
“It makes me look like a pimp,” Kurt said, cheeks flushing as he looked at himself in the mirror.
“Well, you are out shopping with a bunch of girls,” Tina said, smiling at him in the mirror. “So I guess that makes us your bitches.”
Kurt laughed and blushed even harder, but he didn’t argue when Brittany snatched the hat off his head and insisted that they were buying it. He did look good in hats, after all, and this one was no exception. It was a little flashier than he’d wear back in Lima, granted, mostly because a white fedora would have gotten him tossed in the dumpster back in high school. But he wasn’t in Lima anymore, and no one here was going to think any worse of him because of his clothes.
It was a strange thought after eighteen years of slushies and dumpster dives and locker checks, all for being who he was. It was hard to get used to the idea that he could just…be himself, and no one would hold it against him.
People might even like him for it. Kurt thought of Puck, of the way he’d said, I think you should hang out with Tina as though Kurt was too stupid or naïve to read between the lines. He pressed his lips together in a hard line, then he slipped his arm through Tina’s and pulled her toward the registers where Brittany and Mercedes were waiting in line.
“I’m glad we decided to come out,” Tina said, her free hand landing on Kurt’s arm where it was linked with hers.
“Me too,” Kurt said, and he mostly meant it. “I’ve missed hanging out with girls.”
Tina smiled in a way that made Kurt tense. “You have been spending a lot of time with Puck.”
Kurt shrugged and didn’t quite meet her gaze, watching Mercedes pay for her hideous neon shirt so he wouldn’t have to look at Tina. “He needed help getting up to speed. The truth is he’s not the strongest dancer. I’m fairly sure he got through mostly on charisma.”
“He does have plenty of that,” Tina said, ending on a little sigh, and Kurt just managed not to roll his eyes. “But he’s done pretty well so far.”
“Only because Rachel pulled his style last week,” Kurt said, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth and he avoided her gaze as he added, “His luck can’t hold out forever.”
“Who can’t hold out forever?” Mercedes asked as she and Brittany joined them again.
“Puck,” Tina answered before Kurt could change the subject.
“Mike says he really likes you,” Brittany said, smiling when Kurt frowned at her.
“Mike likes me?”
“No, Puck likes you.” She paused and frowned, tilting her head to the side for a second before she smiled and pulled the fedora onto Kurt’s head again. “Though Mike probably likes you too. You’re cute, like a little kitten. Everybody loves kittens.”
After that she launched into a story about her cat’s Youtube channel, and Kurt tuned her out. He was fairly sure that in Brittany’s mind comparing him to a kitten was a compliment, but Kurt didn’t want people thinking of him as something cute and helpless. The idea of Puck thinking of him that way...Kurt felt his whole face heat up, and he was grateful that the girls were still discussing Lord Tubbington’s dietary restrictions so they wouldn’t catch him blushing.
“Hello, Earth to Kurt.”
Kurt blinked and reached up to grab the hand that was waving in front of his face, blushing even harder and looking over in time to watch Mercedes giggle. “What were you thinking so hard about?”
“Nothing. Just wondering what style we’re going to end up with this week,” Kurt lied.
“I hope we get contemporary,” Tina said, and Kurt certainly wasn’t going to argue with that, but it wasn’t like any of them believed the style assignments were really random.
“Boy, don’t change the subject. Do you really know the entire Single Ladies dance?”
Kurt nodded, returning Mercedes’ laugh with a genuine smile. “What can I say, there isn’t much to do in Ohio.”
“You should teach us,” Brittany said. “We could perform it on Lord Tubbington’s Youtube show if he was here.”
Kurt blinked and glanced at Tina, but she just shrugged sort of helplessly. “Sure,” he said, because he wasn’t interested in a video ending up online, but it really was nice to hang out with girls for awhile.
~
Puck managed to get his bed put back together before Kurt got back from wherever he disappeared to after breakfast. He nearly knocked himself out a couple times in the process, and he was pretty sure he’d pulled something in his arm that might cost him later, but it was worth it to see the shocked look on Kurt’s face when he walked back into their room to find Puck sprawled on his own bed.
Anyway, it wasn’t like he could ask Mike to help him -- not without admitting how truly pathetic he was when it came to Kurt -- and he sure as hell wasn’t waiting around for Kurt to do it. It was bad enough that he’d already demanded as much of Kurt’s time as he did; he wasn’t going to ask for Kurt’s help in kicking Puck out of his bed too.
“Hey,” Puck said when Kurt walked in, pausing just inside the door with a handful of bags and a stupid white hat perched on top of his head. “What’s with the pimp hat?”
As soon as he said it Kurt blushed, but he didn’t take the hat off. “It was Brittany’s idea.”
“So, what…you went shopping?”
“I was bonding with my partner,” Kurt said, tossing his bags on his bed without looking at Puck. “It was your idea, I thought you’d be happy.”
“Yeah…no...I mean, that’s good, dude. Bonding and stuff. At least it can’t hurt, right?”
Kurt made a noise that could have meant anything and straightened up, then he turned toward the door, and when Puck realized he was leaving again he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Wait a second, where are you going?”
“The girls want me to meet them in Brittany and Mercedes’ room,” Kurt answered without looking back at him. His shoulders went kind of stiff for a second, but before Puck could remind him that he’d just gotten back, he was gone again.
Puck didn’t see him again until they had to show up for filming, and then it was just glimpses of Kurt across the room while they waited for their turn to show the camera what style they’d pulled for the week. Puck leaned against the wall next to Mike, Rachel on his other side talking a mile a minute about whatever choreographer she was hoping to land.
He didn’t know for sure what she was saying, because he was too busy watching Kurt whispering with Tina to listen to her. And yeah, okay, maybe he was bordering on stalker territory, but it kind of bugged him, how quickly Kurt went from hanging around Puck all the time to blowing him off for somebody he hardly knew.
It bugged him, but he wasn’t planning to do anything about it, because Kurt hanging out with Tina was Puck’s idea in the first place. He couldn’t exactly complain that Kurt was ignoring him, even if that wouldn’t make him sound like a total pussy, not when he was the one who told Kurt to bond with Tina. Besides, it would be worth it the next time they danced together and the judges couldn’t rag on Kurt for not connecting with his partner.
If it meant Puck had to find other ways to entertain himself for the rest of the week...well, pretty soon they’d all be so exhausted from rehearsals that he probably wouldn’t even notice that Kurt wasn’t around.
He told himself he believed that as he watched Kurt and Tina head in to find out what they were dancing this week. And it only took a few minutes to film these segments, but it felt like forever before Tina led Kurt back out of the room, holding up a card that said ‘Bollywood’. All Puck knew about it was what he’d seen on the show, but Kurt didn’t look that crazy about being stuck performing it. Still, Tina had her arm looped through his, and Puck figured it would be a lot easier to get through a tricky style if he knew he could rely on his partner.
Brittany and Mike went next, emerging a few minutes later with the quickstep. After that were Blaine and Sunshine, and when they came out of the room looking terrified of their hip hop card, Puck couldn’t really blame them. It was about as far away from their styles as it got, and Puck would probably be sporting the same expression if he and Rachel ended up with contemporary or something.
One by one pairs went in for their segments, some of them coming out looking relieved, but most of them kind of looking like they wanted to throw up. Finally a producer called for Puck and Rachel, and as soon as he pushed himself off the wall she grabbed his hand in a vice grip and dragged him across the room. He just managed to catch Kurt’s eye before Rachel shoved him through the door, and he had no idea what he looked like, but just for a second Kurt almost looked like he felt sorry for him.
Then Kurt was gone and it was just Puck and Rachel and an envelope in front of the camera, and she smiled up at him like she hadn’t had this much fun...well, ever before she opened it and pulled out their card.
“Contemporary,” she said, grinning at the camera like landing contemporary was better than her birthday and Hanukkah all rolled up in one. Maybe for her it was; it was pretty close to her style, anyway. At least it was sure as hell a lot closer than krump had been.
Puck took a deep breath and did his best to smile like he wasn’t about to have a panic attack or something. And it wasn’t like he’d never danced contemporary before, but only in a group with other people. When it was just the two of them up there on stage it was going to be obvious that he didn’t know what the hell he was doing, and he couldn’t ask Kurt for help.
He couldn’t ask Mike either, because ballroom was the one style Mike wasn’t that solid on, which meant he was going to have his own stuff to deal with this week. So it was just him and Rachel, and if he got sent home in week two, he hoped at least he wouldn’t drag her down with him.
~
Bollywood. Bollywood.
Of all the styles they could have gotten, he hadn’t even considered that one. It only turned up a couple times during the entire competition, after all, and it was so far out of his realm of experience that even if he’d wanted to try to learn the basics, there was nowhere in Lima to do it. So mostly he’d just hoped he could avoid it altogether, which was precisely why they’d ended up with it in the second week.
After two days of rehearsal he didn’t feel any closer to getting a handle on the routine. It was even faster than it looked, and the choreographer kept harping on them so much about their hand positions that Kurt was terrified he was going to start some kind of international incident if he gestured the wrong way.
He was too tired after rehearsal to be surprised when Puck dropped into the seat across from him at dinner. They hadn’t spoken much all week; Kurt had made himself scarce as often as possible, and when they went back to their rooms at night they mostly just crawled into their respective beds and passed out.
And it wasn’t as though Kurt missed sharing a bed; they’d stayed on their separate sides the entire time, and the only time Puck had touched him was on that last night, right after he finished telling Kurt that they shouldn’t spend so much time together.
Every time he thought about it he felt Puck’s hand on his shoulder again, fingers burning into his skin through his t-shirt. It barely lasted a second before Kurt moved away from the touch, but it was long enough for him to relive the feeling every time he got tired enough to let his mind wander.
“Hey,” Puck said, and Kurt felt his cheeks start to burn as he looked up. “How was rehearsal?”
“Brutal,” Kurt answered. “And you?”
“Same here. That Mia chick is scary.”
Puck grinned when Kurt let out a grudging huff of laughter, but his smile faded when he reached for his glass of milk and let out a little hiss of pain.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Puck answered, but the way he was wincing and rubbing at his shoulder didn’t look like nothing. “I think I pulled something putting the bed back together. It’s fine.”
Kurt frowned while he watched Puck reach for his glass more slowly this time. “It doesn’t look fine. How did you get through rehearsal like that?”
The only answer he got was a shrug, then Puck drained half his glass of milk and set it down again. “Sometimes you just have to suck it up, right?”
Kurt couldn’t really argue with that; they’d all danced with injuries at one time or another, and Kurt knew if he hurt himself during the competition he’d do his best to ignore the pain and keep performing. The only way any of them would voluntarily drop out was on doctor’s orders, so it wasn’t surprising that Puck hadn’t even mentioned his injury. Then again, Kurt hadn’t exactly spoken to him since before he injured himself, at least not long enough to say more than a few words.
“Come back to the room after dinner. I’ve got something that should help.”
Puck shook his head and picked up his fork. “I don’t use anymore. Besides, I need to get in some more practice so Mia doesn’t beat me to death with that cane she’s been carrying around.”
“I’m not talking about drugs,” Kurt said, frowning as he wondered what exactly Puck meant by ‘anymore’. “And if you don’t rest your shoulder you’ll do permanent damage, then you’ll have to drop out and you won’t have to worry about Mia.”
“Okay, okay, if it means that much to you. You know, if you missed hanging out with me that much you could have just said.”
Kurt blushed and opened his mouth to deny it, but before he even got the words out Puck smirked and turned back to his dinner. Which wasn’t even fair, because Kurt was just trying to help. Instead he shook his head and focused on his own dinner and not what exactly the help he was offering was going to entail.
~
Puck was mostly kidding when he accused Kurt of missing him. It wasn’t like he’d gone anywhere, after all, so if Kurt wanted to see him all he had to do was hang around instead of taking off with Tina and Mercedes every chance he got. But Kurt hadn’t denied it when Puck said it, so maybe that meant he really had missed Puck a little.
He followed Puck back to their room after dinner, anyway, and as soon as they got there he disappeared into the bathroom and came back carrying a bottle of something that smelled sweet and sort of minty.
“Here, rub this into your muscle. It should help with the soreness.”
“Can’t,” Puck said, but he reached up to take the bottle anyway, sniffing at the open top. “It’s the back of my shoulder. I can’t reach it.”
Kurt let out a sigh like he seriously couldn’t believe this was his life, then he kind of pursed is lips and didn’t quite look at Puck. “I suppose I’ll have to do it, then. Sit down.”
“What?”
That got him another sigh, then Kurt’s hand was on the center of his chest and pushing him in the direction of Kurt’s bed. And Puck could get behind that plan, so he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Kurt.
“You’ll have to take your shirt off.”
And yeah, sometimes he could be a little slow, but Puck got with the program eventually. He smirked and held out the bottle of whatever Kurt was planning to put on him, then he tugged his shirt over his head and let it hit the floor. Once he was…well, kind of undressed, anyway, Kurt climbed onto the mattress to kneel behind him, pouring some of whatever it was in one hand before he reached around Puck to hand him the bottle again.
“What is this stuff, anyway?” Puck asked, sniffing at the bottle again.
Kurt’s hands landed on his shoulder, warm and slick and when he hit the sore spot Puck let out a low groan.
“It’s an organic salve for sore or strained muscles. It’s not going to heal you overnight, but the peppermint and eucalyptus oils should help ease the pain, and the wintergreen reduces inflammation. Plus it makes your skin really soft.”
“Whatever,” Puck said, his head dropping forward as Kurt’s hands slid down his back. “It feels awesome.”
He felt Kurt’s hands sort of stutter to a halt on his skin, just for a second before Kurt caught himself and started moving them again. And yeah, Puck got that this wasn’t exactly normal, but he didn’t care, because it did feel awesome. It would feel even better if he was stretched out on his stomach, but he had a feeling Kurt wouldn’t go for that.
Way too soon Kurt was pulling his hands away, leaving Puck’s skin warm and slick and kind of tingly. “There. That should help a little.”
“Thanks,” Puck said, turning to take in the pink flush of Kurt’s cheeks and the way he wasn’t really looking at Puck. Like he was embarrassed, maybe, only Puck didn’t get why. “That was really cool of you.”
Kurt shrugged, looking down at his hands where they were pressed against his thighs. The air in the room felt kind of thick, and Puck knew he should probably get up and put his shirt back on. But he didn’t want to, not when Kurt was letting Puck back in his bed. And okay, so he was just sitting on it, but still, there was a chance if he just didn’t move, Kurt wouldn’t kick him out again.
“My hands are greasy,” Kurt said, staring down at them like he might be able to clean them with his brain. “I should go clean up.”
He started to climb off the bed, but it was tough when he was trying not to touch anything. That made it easy for Puck to read out and close a hand around Kurt’s wrist, pulling Kurt back down onto the mattress next to him. Kurt looked up when Puck touched him, eyes wide and his whole face red, and Puck had to admit it was a good look for him.
“Listen, Kurt, when I said you should hang out with Tina, I didn’t mean all the time.”
For a second Kurt just blinked at him, then he looked down at Puck’s hand where it was still wrapped around his wrist. “Then what did you mean, exactly?”
“I just figured if you got to know her, it would be easier for you to relax when you’re on stage together. But we could still hang out sometimes, you know? If you want.”
Kurt didn’t answer right away, and after a few seconds of silence it started to feel kind of weird. Puck was still holding onto his wrist, and he got the feeling he should probably let go. Either that or he should do something, like maybe pull Kurt forward and show him some of the things they could do if Kurt wanted to start hanging out with him again.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?”
The question caught him off guard, and Puck cleared his throat and let go of Kurt’s wrist before he answered. “Yeah, I mean, I guess, but it doesn’t always have to be because you’re doing me a favor.”
Kurt shrugged, and he still wasn’t looking at Puck so he couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling Kurt was blushing even harder.
“I don’t mind,” was all he said, and when he climbed off the bed this time Puck didn’t try to stop him.
A minute later he was gone, kicking the bathroom door closed behind him, and when Puck heard water running and then the sound of bottles being picked up and put back down again, he knew Kurt wouldn’t be back for awhile. He sighed and gave in to the urge to stretch out on Kurt’s bed, staying on top of the bedspread so Kurt wouldn’t bitch at him for getting his muscle rub stuff all over the sheets.
Chances were Kurt would send him back to his own bed as soon as he got out of the bathroom, but for now Puck figured it wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes, just until Kurt got back.
~
It was bad enough when Kurt only had to try not to remember the way Puck’s hand felt on his shoulder, or the way Puck had held onto him right before he was sent home. But now he had the memory of Puck’s skin under his hands, of the sounds he’d made when Kurt rubbed the salve into his sore muscle. He had the image of Puck stretched out on his bed, still shirtless and fast asleep, burned into his memory.
Kurt should have woken him up and kicked him out. He’d tried; he’d reached down and put his hand on Puck’s shoulder, intent on shaking him awake. But his skin was just as warm as Kurt remembered, and as soon as Kurt touched him he’d made a noise that sent heat flooding all the way to Kurt’s toes. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there with his hand on Puck’s shoulder, but when he realized he was still touching he’d yanked his hand back and changed into his pajamas, then he’d crawled into Puck’s bed instead of his own.
They didn’t talk about it in the morning, but Kurt didn’t abandon Puck for Tina and the rest of the girls at breakfast, and the smile he got when he sat down across from Puck made the whole strange night worth it. Or it would have, if he had any idea what Puck wanted from him.
He wasn’t any closer to figuring it out by the end of the fourth day of rehearsal, though he’d stopped actively avoiding Puck. He and Rachel had even sat down with Kurt and Tina for lunch, and Kurt had discovered that he and Rachel had a common fondness for musical theater. Granted, it was hard to get a word in edgewise with her, but at least lunch hadn’t been a painfully awkward affair.
Then again, it was a little like some kind of bizarre double date, and that was weird enough to throw Kurt off his game for the rest of the afternoon. Lucky for him there weren’t really any lifts involved in their Bollywood routine, or instead of laughing every time he got a step wrong, Tina probably would have been in an ambulance by the end of the day.
After dinner he dragged himself back to the room, and when Puck found him there a few minutes later Kurt was face-down on his bed, eyes closed and holding as still as possible so none of his muscles would complain.
“Dude, you okay?”
Kurt lifted his head at the sound of Puck’s voice, but when his back objected he groaned and closed his eyes again. “No, I’m not okay. I’m a complete fraud and in two days the entire country’s going to know. God, they probably air this show in Europe too. The entire world’s going to know I can’t dance.”
“I hate to break it to you, but the whole country’s already seen you dance. They know how good you are.”
“They haven’t seen me attempt Bollywood,” Kurt said, his voice muffled by the pillow. “It’s tragic.”
He heard Puck laugh above him, then the mattress dipped and Kurt opened one eye to watch Puck sit down next to him. “It can’t be that bad.”
“Worse. Every inch of me hurts, and I still can’t get the routine down. It doesn’t look that hard when you see it performed, but it’s so fast, and the hand movements are ridiculously complicated.”
Before he even finished talking Puck was standing up again, and Kurt frowned and pushed himself up far enough to watch him disappear into the bathroom. And okay, maybe he was whining a little, but he didn’t think he was being so pathetic as to force Puck out of the room in the middle of a conversation. A few seconds later Puck reappeared, though, the bottle of Kurt’s expensive salve clutched in one hand and if Kurt didn’t know any better he’d swear Puck looked sort of…nervous.
He sat down on Kurt’s bed again, setting the bottle on the nightstand between their beds and turning to look at Kurt. “Come on, lose the shirt.”
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, but his stomach was already doing somersaults and he couldn’t decide whether to throw up right there or make a run for the bathroom so at least he wouldn’t humiliate himself right in front of Puck.
“Repaying a favor,” Puck answered, and now he was grinning, but it was still a little nervous around the edges. Like maybe he was worried that Kurt was going to refuse, and there was a part of Kurt that really, really wanted to, but as soon as he realized Puck expected him to, he took a deep breath and sat up far enough to pull his shirt off.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said, but he was already lying down again, and when he felt the first press of strong, warm hands on his back he had to bite back a gasp. “I mean, you don’t owe me anything.”
“Yeah, I know,” Puck said, and maybe it was the distracting press of calloused hands on his back, or maybe it was the fact that Kurt’s eyes wouldn’t seem to stay open, but Puck’s voice sounded a little lower all of a sudden. “But this stuff really does work. My shoulder felt a lot better today.”
Kurt knew it worked, mostly because he’d used it on plenty of muscle strains over the years. But the only person who’d ever rubbed the salve into parts of him he couldn’t reach was his stepmother, and considering she was a nurse, it wasn’t quite the same as his very hot, very male roommate sliding warm, slick hands down the length of his back.
When Puck’s hands reached the base of his spine Kurt’s breath caught in his throat, and he felt his whole body tense, but he couldn’t make himself relax when Puck was touching him. Not like this, hands gentle and rough at the same time, sending shivers of want straight to his groin with every brush of Puck’s fingers.
“Am I hurting you or something?”
It took a few seconds for the words to register, but when they did Kurt shook his head against the pillow. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? Last time I checked massages were supposed to relax you, not stress you out even more.”
And it just figured that Kurt couldn’t even get this right. All he had to do was lie here and let Puck touch him, and it wasn’t like he got a lot of offers from hot guys who wanted to put their hands on him. This was the first, as a matter of fact, so he shouldn’t be surprised that he was blowing it.
Relax, he told himself, chanting the word over and over in his head, but as soon as Puck’s hands swept down his sides Kurt felt his whole body tremble. Then Puck’s hands were gone, and he knew he’d completely blown it. They weren’t even doing anything and he’d managed to act like the clueless virgin he was, and now Puck was going to think of every excuse he could to stay far away from Kurt.
“Kurt.”
And he didn’t want to look, because if he did he was just going to see pity or maybe worse in Puck’s eyes, and that was the last thing he wanted. What Kurt wanted was to stay right where he was, eyes shut tight until Puck went away and left him alone to die of humiliation. Except Puck was stubborn -- maybe as stubborn as he was -- and Kurt knew better than to think he’d just let it go.
“Hey. What’s the problem?”
“I told you, I’m fine,” Kurt said, shifting away from Puck and rolling onto his side so that Puck wouldn’t see just how much he was affecting Kurt. He sat up, back to the room and reaching for his shirt where it was still resting on the mattress, but before his hand closed around it Puck’s was there, closing around Kurt’s fingers.
“I’m not stupid, dude. I mean, I know I look it...”
“You don’t,” Kurt said, risking a glance over his shoulder, but when his eyes met Puck’s there was no pity there. “I know you’re not stupid, Puck. Frankly this would be easier if you were.”
“What would?”
Puck let go of his hand and Kurt took a deep breath, fingers curling into a fist against his thigh. But a second later Puck’s hand was on his back, warm against slick skin and Kurt was never going to be able to smell mint again without remembering this moment.
“It’s just...I’m not used to people...touching me.”
“What, ever?” Puck asked, and Kurt felt the blush spread up his neck and down his chest, heating him up from the inside and when he reached for his shirt again Puck didn’t try to stop him.
He knew what Puck was asking, and it wasn’t as though he could deny it, so Kurt just shrugged and pulled his shirt over his head. He didn’t want to talk about this, not with Puck, especially when he’d just been touching Kurt like...well, like he meant it. And that was the worst part, because Kurt didn’t have anything to compare it to, so he didn’t even know if Puck meant it the way it felt.
There was dance, of course, but those touches were choreographed, so Kurt always knew what to expect. It was never personal, even when the dance was meant to be intimate. It was just a show, an act he put on with his partner for the benefit of the audience.
There was nothing choreographed about the way Puck touched him. He hadn’t planned for any of this; Kurt could tell by the surprise in his voice when he asked if anyone had ever touched Kurt, and he could tell by the way Puck didn’t try to stop him when he stood up this time.
“I should go,” Kurt said, but his voice sounded strange even to his ears. “Tina…I should go.”
“Wait,” Puck said, but before he got any further there was a knock on the door, then Rachel’s voice was calling from the hallway. Kurt heard Puck swear under his breath, but he didn’t look back before he darted across the room, pausing long enough to grab a pair of loose pants from his suitcase before he disappeared into the bathroom.
By the time he changed and let himself out again Rachel had gotten past Puck and into the room, and Kurt flashed a tight smile in her direction as he headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Puck called, talking over Rachel, and Kurt’s face heated up again when she glanced between them.
“I told you, I need to speak to Tina,” Kurt lied.
He didn’t wait for an answer before he slipped out of the room and into the hallway, and by the time he reached Tina’s door he’d given up on the idea of Puck following him. When he knocked Tina pulled the door open, smiling and standing aside to let him in as though she’d been expecting him. When he saw that Brittany and Mercedes were already there he realized why, and Kurt let Mercedes pull him down onto the bed next to her to ask his opinion on some guy in the magazine they were flipping through.
Kurt glanced at the picture and forced a smile, murmuring an agreement, though he had no idea what he was agreeing with, exactly. All he knew was the guy wasn’t Puck, and as far as Kurt was concerned, that meant he didn’t matter.
~
Puck knew he’d fucked up. It wasn’t the first time -- not even close -- though it was the first time he’d fucked up like this. It was the first time he’d met somebody he liked enough to try to do right by them, and somehow still ended up chasing them away.
Kurt came back eventually, but it was a lot later than Puck expected, and he figured that meant Kurt was hoping he’d be asleep. So he’d pretended he was, just to give the guy a break. It was pretty clear he was freaked out by the thought of his roommate...friend...whatever basically copping a feel under false pretenses, and if Kurt needed to sleep on it before he was ready to talk about it, that was probably the least Puck could do.
So he figured he’d wait until morning, give Kurt a chance to shower and get dressed before he brought it up. Except by the time he woke up Kurt was already gone, and when Puck went down to breakfast Kurt was sitting with Brittany and Mercedes. When he looked up and saw Puck he blushed so hard Puck figured it had to hurt, then he looked away and didn’t so much as glance in Puck’s direction until it was time to head to group rehearsal.
They barely got a chance to breathe during the group rehearsal, let alone talk, and the whole afternoon was spent rehearsing with their partners, which meant the first chance he really got to talk to Kurt was at dinner. Puck ditched Rachel as soon as Mia let them go, racing to dinner and checking to make sure Kurt hadn’t beaten him there.
When he was sure Kurt wasn’t already in the dining room Puck headed back into the hall, leaning against the wall next to the door and waiting. When he saw Kurt and Tina walking down the hall together Puck pushed off the wall, nodding when Tina and then Kurt spotted him.
“Hey,” he said, “can I talk to you for a second?”
Kurt pressed his lips together and glanced at Tina, giving her a weird little nod that made her eyes go kind of wide. “Oh. I told Brittany I’d meet her for dinner, so I should go,” she said in a voice that was way too loud, considering she was standing right next to them. A second later she was gone, leaving Kurt staring after her, and Puck staring at Kurt.
“So listen,” Puck said, still staring at Kurt’s profile as his cheeks turned more and more pink. “I just wanted to say…”
That was as far as he got before Sam and Mercedes appeared at the end of the hall, and Puck rolled his eyes as Kurt looked over his shoulder at them. Mercedes waved at Kurt, frowning between him and Puck for a second until Sam put a hand on her shoulder and steered her into the dining room. Once they were gone Puck reached out and wrapped a hand around Kurt’s bicep, then he dragged Kurt around the corner and out of sight of the dining room.
“This isn’t necessary,” Kurt said when Puck let go of him, but he was blushing even harder now.
“Yeah, it is. I’m trying to say I’m sorry here,” Puck said, dropping his voice so nobody would hear them and come sticking their noses in where they didn’t belong.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Kurt said, eyes locked with Puck’s chest like his sweaty tank top was the most fascinating thing Kurt had ever seen. “So if that’s all you wanted, I’d like to get to dinner.”
And he got it; he got why Kurt didn’t want to talk about it, and Puck didn’t blame him. He didn’t think Kurt had anything to be embarrassed about, but he understood why Kurt thought that, and he knew he was probably making it worse. Still, he couldn’t just let it go, not if he ever wanted Kurt to look at him again.
“Kurt, come on. Look, it’s not like it matters, right?”
He knew it was the wrong thing to say when Kurt’s whole neck turned red, then he glanced over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone before he turned back to Puck.
“Do you think I like being completely clueless? I was the only out person in my entire high school. The only one. The other kids tortured me for it, so no one in their right mind would come out and subject themselves to being tossed in dumpsters and shoved into lockers when I was already providing a convenient target for the entire football team. I didn’t even have anyone to talk to until my dad met my stepmother and dragged my stepbrother into our lives, and even he doesn’t really understand.”
Kurt’s voice went a little higher with each word, until finally he stopped talking and bit down hard on his lip, and Puck got the feeling he was trying not to cry. And if it was anybody else he might already be offering to help them get a clue; he probably wouldn’t even feel that bad about it, because he’d be doing the guy a favor.
Except it wasn’t just anybody; it was Kurt, and Puck already knew if they hooked up it wouldn’t be just a casual thing.
There was a part of him that wanted to go for it anyway, but Kurt had as good as admitted that he’d never even dated anybody before, and that complicated things. Puck had a kid at home relying on him to stop screwing around and get his life together, and that meant being careful who he brought into her life.
He couldn’t ask Kurt to take on something that heavy when he hadn’t even started living yet. It wasn’t fair to Kurt, for one thing, and if Puck took a chance and Kurt left anyway, Puck wasn’t sure he could handle it.
Puck took a deep breath and looked down at the floor, reaching up with one hand to rub at the back of his neck. When he looked up again Kurt was still biting his lip, looking away from Puck like he was thinking about making a break for it.
“Listen, Kurt, there’s nothing wrong with not hooking up just to say you’ve done it. I mean, look at me. The one time I tried to be the guy I thought my mom wanted me to be, I ended up with a kid at sixteen.”
“Dear God,” Kurt murmured, then he closed his eyes and kind of pinched the bridge of his nose like he was trying not to snap. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but I already have a father, and believe me, he’s given me the speech already.”
“Yeah, sure,” Puck said, hand still resting on the back of his neck, and now his face was starting to feel a little warm. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Kurt said, and he was still embarrassed, but he was kind of smiling now too, so Puck figured at least Kurt wasn’t going to keep ignoring him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry if I overreacted last night. You just...caught me by surprise.”
Puck shrugged and glanced down the hall toward the dining room, then he turned back to Kurt and smirked. “Yeah, well, I can be pretty surprising.”
He grinned when Kurt’s face flushed again, then he slid an arm around Kurt’s shoulders and tugged him back toward the dining room. “Come on, let’s go get some food before Mike cleans out the buffet.”
“He’d have to beat Sam to it first,” Kurt said, and when Puck laughed Kurt leaned a little harder against his side. He was warm and solid pressed up against Puck, and they’d already been through this, so Puck wasn’t planning to do anything about it, but it was hard to remember why when he looked over and spotted Kurt’s smile.
~
Their Bollywood routine went about as well as Kurt expected, which was to say, not that well at all. Still, he and Tina had a lot of fun, and in spite of the fact that the judges didn’t think they were that strong, they commended Kurt and Tina on finally making a connection. As soon as Nigel said it Kurt glanced toward the edge of the stage where he knew Puck was standing, and even though Kurt couldn’t see him, he could picture Puck’s smug grin.
He managed not to roll his eyes while he was still on camera, but as soon as he got backstage and found himself wrapped in strong arms he couldn’t help laughing.
“So maybe there was some merit to your plan,” Kurt said, voice soft so Tina wouldn’t overhear him, because sure, he’d only started spending time with the girls because he assumed Puck was trying to get rid of him, but he really did enjoy their company.
Puck laughed against his neck, sending shivers down Kurt’s spine, and he was almost sure Puck wasn’t trying to torture him on purpose, but he couldn’t be positive anymore. As soon as he thought it Puck let go, clearing his throat and glancing over Kurt’s shoulder toward the stage.
“Yeah, well, here’s hoping me and Rachel get the same reaction you did from the judges, or Mia probably will beat me to death as an encore.”
“Please, as though you have anything to worry about. No one ever goes home on a Mia Michaels routine,” Kurt said, and this time he didn’t bother trying not to roll his eyes. But he was sort of smiling too, and when Puck let out a little laugh and smiled back at him, Kurt’s heart skipped a beat.
Of course Kurt was right; after Puck and Rachel danced, the judges spent so much time talking about Mia’s amazing choreography that they barely even mentioned the actual dancing. Which was a shame, as far as Kurt was concerned, because he thought Puck did an amazing job, considering it was really only his third time dancing a contemporary routine.
He didn’t pay much attention to the rest of the show, mostly because Puck came looking for him as soon as he got backstage, and Kurt was too busy focusing on the feeling of Puck’s shoulder pressed against his to register what was happening on the stage. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to let a silly, hopeless crush distract him from the competition, but they’d both already danced, so it couldn’t hurt to enjoy the feeling of Puck’s body heat warming his skin through their clothes, just until taping was over.
The energy after a performance was always tense; all the dancers - even the ones who’d gotten good reviews from the judges - knew they had as good a chance of landing in the bottom three as anyone else. There was no telling who the audience would vote for, and if you landed in the bottom three, all that stood between you and elimination was one thirty-second solo.
As soon as they finished dinner most of them headed off somewhere quiet to work on a solo performance, just in case. It was important to know what they were going to do, if they ended up in the bottom three. They all knew what happened to dancers who tried to improvise their way through a solo, and Kurt certainly wasn’t going home due to lack of preparedness.
After dinner he headed back to his room, Puck trailing behind him looking more worried than Kurt really thought he needed to, considering he’d just danced a Mia routine. And okay, it wasn’t a guarantee or anything, but Puck and Rachel had turned in a strong performance, and that combined with one of Mia’s tearjerker routines meant they probably weren’t going anywhere.
“I meant what I said, you know. You don’t have anything to worry about,” Kurt said when they reached their room.
Puck shrugged and closed the door, and it was still a little strange, being alone with Puck when Kurt could still feel those hands on him, but he shook off the thought and hoped at least his blush wasn’t too obvious.
“The judges didn’t have much to say about my dancing.”
“Only because they were too busy wetting themselves over Mia’s choreography,” Kurt said, and when Puck raised an eyebrow at him he laughed. “It’s true. That’s why no one ever goes home on a Mia routine; the judges have the whole viewing audience convinced she can do no wrong, so her routines always get votes. Even the ones that don’t make any sense.”
It wasn’t as though Kurt didn’t appreciate her choreography; he did, and he was looking forward to working with her, even if she was a little scary. But it was true that people voted for her routines, just like it was true that she was good at bringing out the potential in the dancers she got her hands on.
“You were really good tonight, Puck. Just because the judges didn’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean everyone else didn’t see it.”
Puck shrugged again, but he was smiling too, and Kurt could tell he appreciated the support. “Yeah, well, I’m not counting on anything. You want to move my bed out of the way and work on our solos in here?”
There wasn’t really enough room for Kurt to practice his solo in their room, but admitting it meant leaving Puck alone and going down to the rehearsal space where plenty of other dancers were probably running through their own routines. At least if he stayed he only had to share the space with Puck, and this way Kurt got to watch Puck dance in his own style.
Besides, the solo he was planning on was one he’d danced plenty of times before, so really all he had to do was cut it down to the strongest thirty seconds. He could do that in the limited space of their room, he was fairly sure, and if he needed more room to work there was always time tomorrow morning to use the rehearsal space before they were shuttled off to wardrobe and makeup.
“Sure, let’s stay here,” Kurt said, and when Puck grinned at him Kurt didn’t bother trying not to smile back. He didn’t think about the fact that disassembling Puck’s bed meant they’d probably end up sharing again until the mattress was already leaning against the wall, and Kurt blushed as he helped Puck lift the surprisingly heavy frame and lean it against the mattress.
They’d shared Kurt’s bed plenty of times already, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. And it wasn’t, except that a lot had happened in the past week, and some of those things had made Kurt question everything he thought he knew about Puck.
“You said something yesterday,” Kurt said, not quite looking at Puck as he helped stack the extra pillows from Puck’s bed on a chair. “When you said you tried to be what you thought your mother wanted. What did you mean?”
When Puck didn’t answer right away Kurt ventured a glance at him, and when he found Puck staring back at him he felt warmth spread down his neck and into his chest. “I tried to prove I could be straight.”
It wasn’t as though he hadn’t wondered, especially when Puck more or less coerced Kurt into letting Puck give him a massage. He’d wondered, and maybe he’d hoped a little, but until Puck said it out loud Kurt hadn’t let himself believe it.
Puck cleared his throat and turned away, reaching for Kurt’s iPod and handing it over. “So let’s see what you’ve got,” he said, then he crossed the room to plant himself on the edge of Kurt’s bed, and Kurt nodded and did his best to focus on his dance.
Top Eighteen Results
Fandom: Glee/So You Think You Can Dance
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Rating: PG
Word count: 9,800
Warnings: Cheesiness. Lack of dance knowledge. Random Cat Deeley fangirling.
Summary: AU. Kurt's a classically trained dancer who has trouble connecting to his audience. Puck's a novice b-boy with loads of charisma and not a whole lot else. When they meet at the New York auditions for So You Think You Can Dance, both their lives change in more ways than they anticipated.
A/N: You know, this was supposed to be a fun, pressure-free summer project, just a quick fic once a week, maybe an afternoon's worth of writing. No big, right? Wrong. SO VERY WRONG. I will (hopefully) post a brief results show fic tomorrow. I'm posting early today because I have to spend the whole afternoon running around. At least I get to leave work early to do it; that's something.
Week Five: Top Eighteen Perform
The thing was, being safe didn’t make Kurt feel all that much better. Puck was pretty sure nobody else noticed, and maybe if they weren’t sharing a room Puck wouldn’t have noticed either. But he’d spent enough time around Kurt to tell when he was brooding about something, and as soon as they got back to their room and Puck tried to bring it up, Kurt locked himself in the bathroom to do whatever the hell he did in there every night.
So okay, he needed a little time to feel sorry for himself or whatever. Puck didn’t push it when Kurt finally came out of the bathroom wearing a pair of sweatpants and a white t-shirt that sort of clung to him, because asking Kurt if he was okay meant drawing attention to himself, and the truth was Puck was kind of enjoying the show.
Kurt didn’t let his guard down all that often; usually he was pretty self-conscious, and he always noticed Puck looking at him and got even more uptight. But it turned out beating himself up about succeeding at something was pretty distracting, because Puck had been watching him move around the room for a good five minutes and Kurt hadn’t noticed yet.
He wasn’t sure what Kurt was doing. Organizing his suitcase, it looked like, and Puck didn’t really get why, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that Kurt had been expecting to go home tonight. But the thing was, they’d all kind of been expecting to get cut, and Kurt was the only one who was acting sort of pissed that he wasn’t the one to go.
“Dude, you okay?”
At the sound of his voice Kurt’s shoulders went kind of stiff, like maybe he was just remembering he wasn’t alone.
“Fine,” he said without looking over at Puck.
And he wasn’t fine, that much was clear, but if he didn’t want to talk about it Puck wasn’t going to make him. “You want to put the other bed back together?”
Kurt shrugged without looking up, and Puck couldn’t tell if he wanted his bed back and didn’t want to say, or if he wanted Puck to stay put and didn’t want to admit it. All Puck knew for sure was that he liked sleeping with Kurt, even if all they did was sleep. So he shrugged and said, “Up to you, bro,” then he headed for the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When he finished Kurt was in bed, back to the room and Puck could tell he was supposed to think Kurt was asleep. He rolled his eyes and shut off the light, then he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. He stretched out on his back and looked over at Kurt, tracing the tense line of his back under the sheet and wondering what Kurt would do if Puck offered to help take his mind off it.
It wasn’t like he didn’t know what was bothering Kurt. Puck had watched the show on the monitors backstage along with everyone else, and he’d heard the judges tear into Kurt about his lack of connection. He couldn’t even argue, because he’d seen Kurt dance, and it was obvious he wasn’t feeling the chemistry with Tina. Puck had tried to help him figure it out, but it was obvious he hadn’t done enough, because Kurt kept helping him get through dances he shouldn’t be able to do, and Puck hadn’t helped Kurt loosen up at all.
“So I’ve been thinking,” he said, watching Kurt go a little more rigid at the sound of his voice. “I think I know how to fix your problem.”
For awhile Kurt didn’t answer, and Puck was starting to think he was just going to pretend to be asleep when he finally said, “My problem?”
“Yeah,” Puck said, turning on his side and propping himself up on one elbow to stare at the back of Kurt’s head. “I think you need to hang out with Tina.”
“Hang out with…” Kurt shifted on the mattress until he was facing Puck, eyes darker than usual and it was hard to tell without the light on, but Puck thought he looked kind of pissed. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the way Nigel keeps getting on your case about not connecting with your partner. You’ve been spending all your time hanging out with me, and it’s not helping you connect with her, you know?”
“I’ve been trying to help you,” Kurt said, voice going kind of high and tight, and now Puck knew he was pissed. “Unless you’ve forgotten that you came into this competition two days behind everyone else.”
“Dude, I know. You’ve been seriously awesome. But that’s my point; it’s kind of my fault you caught it from Nigel this week. You’ve been spending all your time helping me out, and you haven’t gotten the chance to click with Tina. So I’m saying you should probably hang out with her some, you know? Make that connection or whatever.”
It was too dark to tell what Kurt was thinking, but a second later he nodded and moved a little further toward the edge of the bed. “Of course. I’ll speak to Tina tomorrow.”
He turned his back to Puck as he spoke, settling on the pillow and tucking one arm under his head. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go, because it wasn’t like Puck wanted Kurt to ditch him for Tina or anybody else. But he couldn’t keep being selfish with Kurt’s time, either, not if he wanted Kurt to stick around for as long as possible.
“Kurt…” This time Puck didn’t try to stop himself from reaching out, but as soon as his hand touched Kurt’s shoulder Kurt flinched away from him.
“Tomorrow we should put your bed back together. Housekeeping’s going to come in here eventually, and we’ll probably get in trouble if they see we’ve dismantled the furniture.”
And that definitely wasn’t how this was supposed to go, but if that was what Kurt wanted, there was nothing Puck could do about it. “Yeah,” he said, shifting onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. “Whatever you say.”
~
They didn’t get a lot of free time, but every so often there was a gap in the schedule long enough to let them leave the hotel and explore L.A. a little. Which meant taking advantage of L.A. shopping, and when Kurt overheard Mercedes and Brittany organizing a trip, he didn’t even hesitate before he invited himself and Tina along.
He appreciated the chance to do some shopping - Lima left a lot to be desired in that department, after all - but at the moment he was even more interested in spending as much time away from his roommate as possible. Maybe he didn’t have much experience with relationships, but he knew enough to realize when someone was trying to get rid of him, and it was obvious that Puck was tired of Kurt already.
Or worse, Puck had figured out that Kurt had a stupid, hopeless crush on him, and he was trying to let Kurt down gently. Giving him an out, as it were, and Kurt wasn’t too stupid to take it.
He supposed he should be grateful to Puck for giving him the chance to save face. Still, that didn’t explain the fact that Puck seemed reluctant to go back to sleeping in his own bed, and it didn’t explain the way Puck had held onto him when Kurt found out he was safe from elimination. So maybe he was trying not to lead Kurt on; something else he should probably be grateful for, but mostly it just made him wish they’d never met back in New York.
The thought left a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he pushed it down as far as it would go and forced himself to focus on the two shirts Mercedes was holding up. “What do you think?”
Personally, Kurt thought they were both a bit too much. Hot pink zebra stripes might have their place in the world, but it wasn’t a place Kurt particularly wanted to visit. The other top was at least less neon, but it still featured a tacky animal print. Kurt caught himself before he wrinkled his nose, forcing a smile and a little shrug.
“If anyone can pull off that shade of pink, it’s definitely you.”
The way she beamed at him told him that she took it the way he’d hoped, and he managed a more sincere smile in return. A second later Mercedes was turning away, and Kurt glanced over his shoulder in search of Tina and Brittany. He spotted them near a display of hats, laughing about something as they took turns in the mirror trying them on.
Kurt wandered over in time to watch Brittany pull on a white fedora with black pinstripes, tugging on the brim and grinning at Tina before she turned to look in the mirror. She caught sight of Kurt just behind her own reflection, and when she did she smiled and turned to face him.
“Let’s see how it looks on Kurt,” she said, pulling the fedora off and holding it out to him.
He shook his head, but before he could come up with a reason not to Brittany was pulling it on and stepping back to grin at him. “It makes you look gangster.”
“It makes me look like a pimp,” Kurt said, cheeks flushing as he looked at himself in the mirror.
“Well, you are out shopping with a bunch of girls,” Tina said, smiling at him in the mirror. “So I guess that makes us your bitches.”
Kurt laughed and blushed even harder, but he didn’t argue when Brittany snatched the hat off his head and insisted that they were buying it. He did look good in hats, after all, and this one was no exception. It was a little flashier than he’d wear back in Lima, granted, mostly because a white fedora would have gotten him tossed in the dumpster back in high school. But he wasn’t in Lima anymore, and no one here was going to think any worse of him because of his clothes.
It was a strange thought after eighteen years of slushies and dumpster dives and locker checks, all for being who he was. It was hard to get used to the idea that he could just…be himself, and no one would hold it against him.
People might even like him for it. Kurt thought of Puck, of the way he’d said, I think you should hang out with Tina as though Kurt was too stupid or naïve to read between the lines. He pressed his lips together in a hard line, then he slipped his arm through Tina’s and pulled her toward the registers where Brittany and Mercedes were waiting in line.
“I’m glad we decided to come out,” Tina said, her free hand landing on Kurt’s arm where it was linked with hers.
“Me too,” Kurt said, and he mostly meant it. “I’ve missed hanging out with girls.”
Tina smiled in a way that made Kurt tense. “You have been spending a lot of time with Puck.”
Kurt shrugged and didn’t quite meet her gaze, watching Mercedes pay for her hideous neon shirt so he wouldn’t have to look at Tina. “He needed help getting up to speed. The truth is he’s not the strongest dancer. I’m fairly sure he got through mostly on charisma.”
“He does have plenty of that,” Tina said, ending on a little sigh, and Kurt just managed not to roll his eyes. “But he’s done pretty well so far.”
“Only because Rachel pulled his style last week,” Kurt said, but the words left a bitter taste in his mouth and he avoided her gaze as he added, “His luck can’t hold out forever.”
“Who can’t hold out forever?” Mercedes asked as she and Brittany joined them again.
“Puck,” Tina answered before Kurt could change the subject.
“Mike says he really likes you,” Brittany said, smiling when Kurt frowned at her.
“Mike likes me?”
“No, Puck likes you.” She paused and frowned, tilting her head to the side for a second before she smiled and pulled the fedora onto Kurt’s head again. “Though Mike probably likes you too. You’re cute, like a little kitten. Everybody loves kittens.”
After that she launched into a story about her cat’s Youtube channel, and Kurt tuned her out. He was fairly sure that in Brittany’s mind comparing him to a kitten was a compliment, but Kurt didn’t want people thinking of him as something cute and helpless. The idea of Puck thinking of him that way...Kurt felt his whole face heat up, and he was grateful that the girls were still discussing Lord Tubbington’s dietary restrictions so they wouldn’t catch him blushing.
“Hello, Earth to Kurt.”
Kurt blinked and reached up to grab the hand that was waving in front of his face, blushing even harder and looking over in time to watch Mercedes giggle. “What were you thinking so hard about?”
“Nothing. Just wondering what style we’re going to end up with this week,” Kurt lied.
“I hope we get contemporary,” Tina said, and Kurt certainly wasn’t going to argue with that, but it wasn’t like any of them believed the style assignments were really random.
“Boy, don’t change the subject. Do you really know the entire Single Ladies dance?”
Kurt nodded, returning Mercedes’ laugh with a genuine smile. “What can I say, there isn’t much to do in Ohio.”
“You should teach us,” Brittany said. “We could perform it on Lord Tubbington’s Youtube show if he was here.”
Kurt blinked and glanced at Tina, but she just shrugged sort of helplessly. “Sure,” he said, because he wasn’t interested in a video ending up online, but it really was nice to hang out with girls for awhile.
~
Puck managed to get his bed put back together before Kurt got back from wherever he disappeared to after breakfast. He nearly knocked himself out a couple times in the process, and he was pretty sure he’d pulled something in his arm that might cost him later, but it was worth it to see the shocked look on Kurt’s face when he walked back into their room to find Puck sprawled on his own bed.
Anyway, it wasn’t like he could ask Mike to help him -- not without admitting how truly pathetic he was when it came to Kurt -- and he sure as hell wasn’t waiting around for Kurt to do it. It was bad enough that he’d already demanded as much of Kurt’s time as he did; he wasn’t going to ask for Kurt’s help in kicking Puck out of his bed too.
“Hey,” Puck said when Kurt walked in, pausing just inside the door with a handful of bags and a stupid white hat perched on top of his head. “What’s with the pimp hat?”
As soon as he said it Kurt blushed, but he didn’t take the hat off. “It was Brittany’s idea.”
“So, what…you went shopping?”
“I was bonding with my partner,” Kurt said, tossing his bags on his bed without looking at Puck. “It was your idea, I thought you’d be happy.”
“Yeah…no...I mean, that’s good, dude. Bonding and stuff. At least it can’t hurt, right?”
Kurt made a noise that could have meant anything and straightened up, then he turned toward the door, and when Puck realized he was leaving again he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “Wait a second, where are you going?”
“The girls want me to meet them in Brittany and Mercedes’ room,” Kurt answered without looking back at him. His shoulders went kind of stiff for a second, but before Puck could remind him that he’d just gotten back, he was gone again.
Puck didn’t see him again until they had to show up for filming, and then it was just glimpses of Kurt across the room while they waited for their turn to show the camera what style they’d pulled for the week. Puck leaned against the wall next to Mike, Rachel on his other side talking a mile a minute about whatever choreographer she was hoping to land.
He didn’t know for sure what she was saying, because he was too busy watching Kurt whispering with Tina to listen to her. And yeah, okay, maybe he was bordering on stalker territory, but it kind of bugged him, how quickly Kurt went from hanging around Puck all the time to blowing him off for somebody he hardly knew.
It bugged him, but he wasn’t planning to do anything about it, because Kurt hanging out with Tina was Puck’s idea in the first place. He couldn’t exactly complain that Kurt was ignoring him, even if that wouldn’t make him sound like a total pussy, not when he was the one who told Kurt to bond with Tina. Besides, it would be worth it the next time they danced together and the judges couldn’t rag on Kurt for not connecting with his partner.
If it meant Puck had to find other ways to entertain himself for the rest of the week...well, pretty soon they’d all be so exhausted from rehearsals that he probably wouldn’t even notice that Kurt wasn’t around.
He told himself he believed that as he watched Kurt and Tina head in to find out what they were dancing this week. And it only took a few minutes to film these segments, but it felt like forever before Tina led Kurt back out of the room, holding up a card that said ‘Bollywood’. All Puck knew about it was what he’d seen on the show, but Kurt didn’t look that crazy about being stuck performing it. Still, Tina had her arm looped through his, and Puck figured it would be a lot easier to get through a tricky style if he knew he could rely on his partner.
Brittany and Mike went next, emerging a few minutes later with the quickstep. After that were Blaine and Sunshine, and when they came out of the room looking terrified of their hip hop card, Puck couldn’t really blame them. It was about as far away from their styles as it got, and Puck would probably be sporting the same expression if he and Rachel ended up with contemporary or something.
One by one pairs went in for their segments, some of them coming out looking relieved, but most of them kind of looking like they wanted to throw up. Finally a producer called for Puck and Rachel, and as soon as he pushed himself off the wall she grabbed his hand in a vice grip and dragged him across the room. He just managed to catch Kurt’s eye before Rachel shoved him through the door, and he had no idea what he looked like, but just for a second Kurt almost looked like he felt sorry for him.
Then Kurt was gone and it was just Puck and Rachel and an envelope in front of the camera, and she smiled up at him like she hadn’t had this much fun...well, ever before she opened it and pulled out their card.
“Contemporary,” she said, grinning at the camera like landing contemporary was better than her birthday and Hanukkah all rolled up in one. Maybe for her it was; it was pretty close to her style, anyway. At least it was sure as hell a lot closer than krump had been.
Puck took a deep breath and did his best to smile like he wasn’t about to have a panic attack or something. And it wasn’t like he’d never danced contemporary before, but only in a group with other people. When it was just the two of them up there on stage it was going to be obvious that he didn’t know what the hell he was doing, and he couldn’t ask Kurt for help.
He couldn’t ask Mike either, because ballroom was the one style Mike wasn’t that solid on, which meant he was going to have his own stuff to deal with this week. So it was just him and Rachel, and if he got sent home in week two, he hoped at least he wouldn’t drag her down with him.
~
Bollywood. Bollywood.
Of all the styles they could have gotten, he hadn’t even considered that one. It only turned up a couple times during the entire competition, after all, and it was so far out of his realm of experience that even if he’d wanted to try to learn the basics, there was nowhere in Lima to do it. So mostly he’d just hoped he could avoid it altogether, which was precisely why they’d ended up with it in the second week.
After two days of rehearsal he didn’t feel any closer to getting a handle on the routine. It was even faster than it looked, and the choreographer kept harping on them so much about their hand positions that Kurt was terrified he was going to start some kind of international incident if he gestured the wrong way.
He was too tired after rehearsal to be surprised when Puck dropped into the seat across from him at dinner. They hadn’t spoken much all week; Kurt had made himself scarce as often as possible, and when they went back to their rooms at night they mostly just crawled into their respective beds and passed out.
And it wasn’t as though Kurt missed sharing a bed; they’d stayed on their separate sides the entire time, and the only time Puck had touched him was on that last night, right after he finished telling Kurt that they shouldn’t spend so much time together.
Every time he thought about it he felt Puck’s hand on his shoulder again, fingers burning into his skin through his t-shirt. It barely lasted a second before Kurt moved away from the touch, but it was long enough for him to relive the feeling every time he got tired enough to let his mind wander.
“Hey,” Puck said, and Kurt felt his cheeks start to burn as he looked up. “How was rehearsal?”
“Brutal,” Kurt answered. “And you?”
“Same here. That Mia chick is scary.”
Puck grinned when Kurt let out a grudging huff of laughter, but his smile faded when he reached for his glass of milk and let out a little hiss of pain.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Puck answered, but the way he was wincing and rubbing at his shoulder didn’t look like nothing. “I think I pulled something putting the bed back together. It’s fine.”
Kurt frowned while he watched Puck reach for his glass more slowly this time. “It doesn’t look fine. How did you get through rehearsal like that?”
The only answer he got was a shrug, then Puck drained half his glass of milk and set it down again. “Sometimes you just have to suck it up, right?”
Kurt couldn’t really argue with that; they’d all danced with injuries at one time or another, and Kurt knew if he hurt himself during the competition he’d do his best to ignore the pain and keep performing. The only way any of them would voluntarily drop out was on doctor’s orders, so it wasn’t surprising that Puck hadn’t even mentioned his injury. Then again, Kurt hadn’t exactly spoken to him since before he injured himself, at least not long enough to say more than a few words.
“Come back to the room after dinner. I’ve got something that should help.”
Puck shook his head and picked up his fork. “I don’t use anymore. Besides, I need to get in some more practice so Mia doesn’t beat me to death with that cane she’s been carrying around.”
“I’m not talking about drugs,” Kurt said, frowning as he wondered what exactly Puck meant by ‘anymore’. “And if you don’t rest your shoulder you’ll do permanent damage, then you’ll have to drop out and you won’t have to worry about Mia.”
“Okay, okay, if it means that much to you. You know, if you missed hanging out with me that much you could have just said.”
Kurt blushed and opened his mouth to deny it, but before he even got the words out Puck smirked and turned back to his dinner. Which wasn’t even fair, because Kurt was just trying to help. Instead he shook his head and focused on his own dinner and not what exactly the help he was offering was going to entail.
~
Puck was mostly kidding when he accused Kurt of missing him. It wasn’t like he’d gone anywhere, after all, so if Kurt wanted to see him all he had to do was hang around instead of taking off with Tina and Mercedes every chance he got. But Kurt hadn’t denied it when Puck said it, so maybe that meant he really had missed Puck a little.
He followed Puck back to their room after dinner, anyway, and as soon as they got there he disappeared into the bathroom and came back carrying a bottle of something that smelled sweet and sort of minty.
“Here, rub this into your muscle. It should help with the soreness.”
“Can’t,” Puck said, but he reached up to take the bottle anyway, sniffing at the open top. “It’s the back of my shoulder. I can’t reach it.”
Kurt let out a sigh like he seriously couldn’t believe this was his life, then he kind of pursed is lips and didn’t quite look at Puck. “I suppose I’ll have to do it, then. Sit down.”
“What?”
That got him another sigh, then Kurt’s hand was on the center of his chest and pushing him in the direction of Kurt’s bed. And Puck could get behind that plan, so he sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Kurt.
“You’ll have to take your shirt off.”
And yeah, sometimes he could be a little slow, but Puck got with the program eventually. He smirked and held out the bottle of whatever Kurt was planning to put on him, then he tugged his shirt over his head and let it hit the floor. Once he was…well, kind of undressed, anyway, Kurt climbed onto the mattress to kneel behind him, pouring some of whatever it was in one hand before he reached around Puck to hand him the bottle again.
“What is this stuff, anyway?” Puck asked, sniffing at the bottle again.
Kurt’s hands landed on his shoulder, warm and slick and when he hit the sore spot Puck let out a low groan.
“It’s an organic salve for sore or strained muscles. It’s not going to heal you overnight, but the peppermint and eucalyptus oils should help ease the pain, and the wintergreen reduces inflammation. Plus it makes your skin really soft.”
“Whatever,” Puck said, his head dropping forward as Kurt’s hands slid down his back. “It feels awesome.”
He felt Kurt’s hands sort of stutter to a halt on his skin, just for a second before Kurt caught himself and started moving them again. And yeah, Puck got that this wasn’t exactly normal, but he didn’t care, because it did feel awesome. It would feel even better if he was stretched out on his stomach, but he had a feeling Kurt wouldn’t go for that.
Way too soon Kurt was pulling his hands away, leaving Puck’s skin warm and slick and kind of tingly. “There. That should help a little.”
“Thanks,” Puck said, turning to take in the pink flush of Kurt’s cheeks and the way he wasn’t really looking at Puck. Like he was embarrassed, maybe, only Puck didn’t get why. “That was really cool of you.”
Kurt shrugged, looking down at his hands where they were pressed against his thighs. The air in the room felt kind of thick, and Puck knew he should probably get up and put his shirt back on. But he didn’t want to, not when Kurt was letting Puck back in his bed. And okay, so he was just sitting on it, but still, there was a chance if he just didn’t move, Kurt wouldn’t kick him out again.
“My hands are greasy,” Kurt said, staring down at them like he might be able to clean them with his brain. “I should go clean up.”
He started to climb off the bed, but it was tough when he was trying not to touch anything. That made it easy for Puck to read out and close a hand around Kurt’s wrist, pulling Kurt back down onto the mattress next to him. Kurt looked up when Puck touched him, eyes wide and his whole face red, and Puck had to admit it was a good look for him.
“Listen, Kurt, when I said you should hang out with Tina, I didn’t mean all the time.”
For a second Kurt just blinked at him, then he looked down at Puck’s hand where it was still wrapped around his wrist. “Then what did you mean, exactly?”
“I just figured if you got to know her, it would be easier for you to relax when you’re on stage together. But we could still hang out sometimes, you know? If you want.”
Kurt didn’t answer right away, and after a few seconds of silence it started to feel kind of weird. Puck was still holding onto his wrist, and he got the feeling he should probably let go. Either that or he should do something, like maybe pull Kurt forward and show him some of the things they could do if Kurt wanted to start hanging out with him again.
“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?”
The question caught him off guard, and Puck cleared his throat and let go of Kurt’s wrist before he answered. “Yeah, I mean, I guess, but it doesn’t always have to be because you’re doing me a favor.”
Kurt shrugged, and he still wasn’t looking at Puck so he couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling Kurt was blushing even harder.
“I don’t mind,” was all he said, and when he climbed off the bed this time Puck didn’t try to stop him.
A minute later he was gone, kicking the bathroom door closed behind him, and when Puck heard water running and then the sound of bottles being picked up and put back down again, he knew Kurt wouldn’t be back for awhile. He sighed and gave in to the urge to stretch out on Kurt’s bed, staying on top of the bedspread so Kurt wouldn’t bitch at him for getting his muscle rub stuff all over the sheets.
Chances were Kurt would send him back to his own bed as soon as he got out of the bathroom, but for now Puck figured it wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes, just until Kurt got back.
~
It was bad enough when Kurt only had to try not to remember the way Puck’s hand felt on his shoulder, or the way Puck had held onto him right before he was sent home. But now he had the memory of Puck’s skin under his hands, of the sounds he’d made when Kurt rubbed the salve into his sore muscle. He had the image of Puck stretched out on his bed, still shirtless and fast asleep, burned into his memory.
Kurt should have woken him up and kicked him out. He’d tried; he’d reached down and put his hand on Puck’s shoulder, intent on shaking him awake. But his skin was just as warm as Kurt remembered, and as soon as Kurt touched him he’d made a noise that sent heat flooding all the way to Kurt’s toes. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there with his hand on Puck’s shoulder, but when he realized he was still touching he’d yanked his hand back and changed into his pajamas, then he’d crawled into Puck’s bed instead of his own.
They didn’t talk about it in the morning, but Kurt didn’t abandon Puck for Tina and the rest of the girls at breakfast, and the smile he got when he sat down across from Puck made the whole strange night worth it. Or it would have, if he had any idea what Puck wanted from him.
He wasn’t any closer to figuring it out by the end of the fourth day of rehearsal, though he’d stopped actively avoiding Puck. He and Rachel had even sat down with Kurt and Tina for lunch, and Kurt had discovered that he and Rachel had a common fondness for musical theater. Granted, it was hard to get a word in edgewise with her, but at least lunch hadn’t been a painfully awkward affair.
Then again, it was a little like some kind of bizarre double date, and that was weird enough to throw Kurt off his game for the rest of the afternoon. Lucky for him there weren’t really any lifts involved in their Bollywood routine, or instead of laughing every time he got a step wrong, Tina probably would have been in an ambulance by the end of the day.
After dinner he dragged himself back to the room, and when Puck found him there a few minutes later Kurt was face-down on his bed, eyes closed and holding as still as possible so none of his muscles would complain.
“Dude, you okay?”
Kurt lifted his head at the sound of Puck’s voice, but when his back objected he groaned and closed his eyes again. “No, I’m not okay. I’m a complete fraud and in two days the entire country’s going to know. God, they probably air this show in Europe too. The entire world’s going to know I can’t dance.”
“I hate to break it to you, but the whole country’s already seen you dance. They know how good you are.”
“They haven’t seen me attempt Bollywood,” Kurt said, his voice muffled by the pillow. “It’s tragic.”
He heard Puck laugh above him, then the mattress dipped and Kurt opened one eye to watch Puck sit down next to him. “It can’t be that bad.”
“Worse. Every inch of me hurts, and I still can’t get the routine down. It doesn’t look that hard when you see it performed, but it’s so fast, and the hand movements are ridiculously complicated.”
Before he even finished talking Puck was standing up again, and Kurt frowned and pushed himself up far enough to watch him disappear into the bathroom. And okay, maybe he was whining a little, but he didn’t think he was being so pathetic as to force Puck out of the room in the middle of a conversation. A few seconds later Puck reappeared, though, the bottle of Kurt’s expensive salve clutched in one hand and if Kurt didn’t know any better he’d swear Puck looked sort of…nervous.
He sat down on Kurt’s bed again, setting the bottle on the nightstand between their beds and turning to look at Kurt. “Come on, lose the shirt.”
“What are you doing?” Kurt asked, but his stomach was already doing somersaults and he couldn’t decide whether to throw up right there or make a run for the bathroom so at least he wouldn’t humiliate himself right in front of Puck.
“Repaying a favor,” Puck answered, and now he was grinning, but it was still a little nervous around the edges. Like maybe he was worried that Kurt was going to refuse, and there was a part of Kurt that really, really wanted to, but as soon as he realized Puck expected him to, he took a deep breath and sat up far enough to pull his shirt off.
“You don’t have to do this,” he said, but he was already lying down again, and when he felt the first press of strong, warm hands on his back he had to bite back a gasp. “I mean, you don’t owe me anything.”
“Yeah, I know,” Puck said, and maybe it was the distracting press of calloused hands on his back, or maybe it was the fact that Kurt’s eyes wouldn’t seem to stay open, but Puck’s voice sounded a little lower all of a sudden. “But this stuff really does work. My shoulder felt a lot better today.”
Kurt knew it worked, mostly because he’d used it on plenty of muscle strains over the years. But the only person who’d ever rubbed the salve into parts of him he couldn’t reach was his stepmother, and considering she was a nurse, it wasn’t quite the same as his very hot, very male roommate sliding warm, slick hands down the length of his back.
When Puck’s hands reached the base of his spine Kurt’s breath caught in his throat, and he felt his whole body tense, but he couldn’t make himself relax when Puck was touching him. Not like this, hands gentle and rough at the same time, sending shivers of want straight to his groin with every brush of Puck’s fingers.
“Am I hurting you or something?”
It took a few seconds for the words to register, but when they did Kurt shook his head against the pillow. “I’m fine.”
“You sure? Last time I checked massages were supposed to relax you, not stress you out even more.”
And it just figured that Kurt couldn’t even get this right. All he had to do was lie here and let Puck touch him, and it wasn’t like he got a lot of offers from hot guys who wanted to put their hands on him. This was the first, as a matter of fact, so he shouldn’t be surprised that he was blowing it.
Relax, he told himself, chanting the word over and over in his head, but as soon as Puck’s hands swept down his sides Kurt felt his whole body tremble. Then Puck’s hands were gone, and he knew he’d completely blown it. They weren’t even doing anything and he’d managed to act like the clueless virgin he was, and now Puck was going to think of every excuse he could to stay far away from Kurt.
“Kurt.”
And he didn’t want to look, because if he did he was just going to see pity or maybe worse in Puck’s eyes, and that was the last thing he wanted. What Kurt wanted was to stay right where he was, eyes shut tight until Puck went away and left him alone to die of humiliation. Except Puck was stubborn -- maybe as stubborn as he was -- and Kurt knew better than to think he’d just let it go.
“Hey. What’s the problem?”
“I told you, I’m fine,” Kurt said, shifting away from Puck and rolling onto his side so that Puck wouldn’t see just how much he was affecting Kurt. He sat up, back to the room and reaching for his shirt where it was still resting on the mattress, but before his hand closed around it Puck’s was there, closing around Kurt’s fingers.
“I’m not stupid, dude. I mean, I know I look it...”
“You don’t,” Kurt said, risking a glance over his shoulder, but when his eyes met Puck’s there was no pity there. “I know you’re not stupid, Puck. Frankly this would be easier if you were.”
“What would?”
Puck let go of his hand and Kurt took a deep breath, fingers curling into a fist against his thigh. But a second later Puck’s hand was on his back, warm against slick skin and Kurt was never going to be able to smell mint again without remembering this moment.
“It’s just...I’m not used to people...touching me.”
“What, ever?” Puck asked, and Kurt felt the blush spread up his neck and down his chest, heating him up from the inside and when he reached for his shirt again Puck didn’t try to stop him.
He knew what Puck was asking, and it wasn’t as though he could deny it, so Kurt just shrugged and pulled his shirt over his head. He didn’t want to talk about this, not with Puck, especially when he’d just been touching Kurt like...well, like he meant it. And that was the worst part, because Kurt didn’t have anything to compare it to, so he didn’t even know if Puck meant it the way it felt.
There was dance, of course, but those touches were choreographed, so Kurt always knew what to expect. It was never personal, even when the dance was meant to be intimate. It was just a show, an act he put on with his partner for the benefit of the audience.
There was nothing choreographed about the way Puck touched him. He hadn’t planned for any of this; Kurt could tell by the surprise in his voice when he asked if anyone had ever touched Kurt, and he could tell by the way Puck didn’t try to stop him when he stood up this time.
“I should go,” Kurt said, but his voice sounded strange even to his ears. “Tina…I should go.”
“Wait,” Puck said, but before he got any further there was a knock on the door, then Rachel’s voice was calling from the hallway. Kurt heard Puck swear under his breath, but he didn’t look back before he darted across the room, pausing long enough to grab a pair of loose pants from his suitcase before he disappeared into the bathroom.
By the time he changed and let himself out again Rachel had gotten past Puck and into the room, and Kurt flashed a tight smile in her direction as he headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Puck called, talking over Rachel, and Kurt’s face heated up again when she glanced between them.
“I told you, I need to speak to Tina,” Kurt lied.
He didn’t wait for an answer before he slipped out of the room and into the hallway, and by the time he reached Tina’s door he’d given up on the idea of Puck following him. When he knocked Tina pulled the door open, smiling and standing aside to let him in as though she’d been expecting him. When he saw that Brittany and Mercedes were already there he realized why, and Kurt let Mercedes pull him down onto the bed next to her to ask his opinion on some guy in the magazine they were flipping through.
Kurt glanced at the picture and forced a smile, murmuring an agreement, though he had no idea what he was agreeing with, exactly. All he knew was the guy wasn’t Puck, and as far as Kurt was concerned, that meant he didn’t matter.
~
Puck knew he’d fucked up. It wasn’t the first time -- not even close -- though it was the first time he’d fucked up like this. It was the first time he’d met somebody he liked enough to try to do right by them, and somehow still ended up chasing them away.
Kurt came back eventually, but it was a lot later than Puck expected, and he figured that meant Kurt was hoping he’d be asleep. So he’d pretended he was, just to give the guy a break. It was pretty clear he was freaked out by the thought of his roommate...friend...whatever basically copping a feel under false pretenses, and if Kurt needed to sleep on it before he was ready to talk about it, that was probably the least Puck could do.
So he figured he’d wait until morning, give Kurt a chance to shower and get dressed before he brought it up. Except by the time he woke up Kurt was already gone, and when Puck went down to breakfast Kurt was sitting with Brittany and Mercedes. When he looked up and saw Puck he blushed so hard Puck figured it had to hurt, then he looked away and didn’t so much as glance in Puck’s direction until it was time to head to group rehearsal.
They barely got a chance to breathe during the group rehearsal, let alone talk, and the whole afternoon was spent rehearsing with their partners, which meant the first chance he really got to talk to Kurt was at dinner. Puck ditched Rachel as soon as Mia let them go, racing to dinner and checking to make sure Kurt hadn’t beaten him there.
When he was sure Kurt wasn’t already in the dining room Puck headed back into the hall, leaning against the wall next to the door and waiting. When he saw Kurt and Tina walking down the hall together Puck pushed off the wall, nodding when Tina and then Kurt spotted him.
“Hey,” he said, “can I talk to you for a second?”
Kurt pressed his lips together and glanced at Tina, giving her a weird little nod that made her eyes go kind of wide. “Oh. I told Brittany I’d meet her for dinner, so I should go,” she said in a voice that was way too loud, considering she was standing right next to them. A second later she was gone, leaving Kurt staring after her, and Puck staring at Kurt.
“So listen,” Puck said, still staring at Kurt’s profile as his cheeks turned more and more pink. “I just wanted to say…”
That was as far as he got before Sam and Mercedes appeared at the end of the hall, and Puck rolled his eyes as Kurt looked over his shoulder at them. Mercedes waved at Kurt, frowning between him and Puck for a second until Sam put a hand on her shoulder and steered her into the dining room. Once they were gone Puck reached out and wrapped a hand around Kurt’s bicep, then he dragged Kurt around the corner and out of sight of the dining room.
“This isn’t necessary,” Kurt said when Puck let go of him, but he was blushing even harder now.
“Yeah, it is. I’m trying to say I’m sorry here,” Puck said, dropping his voice so nobody would hear them and come sticking their noses in where they didn’t belong.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Kurt said, eyes locked with Puck’s chest like his sweaty tank top was the most fascinating thing Kurt had ever seen. “So if that’s all you wanted, I’d like to get to dinner.”
And he got it; he got why Kurt didn’t want to talk about it, and Puck didn’t blame him. He didn’t think Kurt had anything to be embarrassed about, but he understood why Kurt thought that, and he knew he was probably making it worse. Still, he couldn’t just let it go, not if he ever wanted Kurt to look at him again.
“Kurt, come on. Look, it’s not like it matters, right?”
He knew it was the wrong thing to say when Kurt’s whole neck turned red, then he glanced over his shoulder to make sure they were still alone before he turned back to Puck.
“Do you think I like being completely clueless? I was the only out person in my entire high school. The only one. The other kids tortured me for it, so no one in their right mind would come out and subject themselves to being tossed in dumpsters and shoved into lockers when I was already providing a convenient target for the entire football team. I didn’t even have anyone to talk to until my dad met my stepmother and dragged my stepbrother into our lives, and even he doesn’t really understand.”
Kurt’s voice went a little higher with each word, until finally he stopped talking and bit down hard on his lip, and Puck got the feeling he was trying not to cry. And if it was anybody else he might already be offering to help them get a clue; he probably wouldn’t even feel that bad about it, because he’d be doing the guy a favor.
Except it wasn’t just anybody; it was Kurt, and Puck already knew if they hooked up it wouldn’t be just a casual thing.
There was a part of him that wanted to go for it anyway, but Kurt had as good as admitted that he’d never even dated anybody before, and that complicated things. Puck had a kid at home relying on him to stop screwing around and get his life together, and that meant being careful who he brought into her life.
He couldn’t ask Kurt to take on something that heavy when he hadn’t even started living yet. It wasn’t fair to Kurt, for one thing, and if Puck took a chance and Kurt left anyway, Puck wasn’t sure he could handle it.
Puck took a deep breath and looked down at the floor, reaching up with one hand to rub at the back of his neck. When he looked up again Kurt was still biting his lip, looking away from Puck like he was thinking about making a break for it.
“Listen, Kurt, there’s nothing wrong with not hooking up just to say you’ve done it. I mean, look at me. The one time I tried to be the guy I thought my mom wanted me to be, I ended up with a kid at sixteen.”
“Dear God,” Kurt murmured, then he closed his eyes and kind of pinched the bridge of his nose like he was trying not to snap. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but I already have a father, and believe me, he’s given me the speech already.”
“Yeah, sure,” Puck said, hand still resting on the back of his neck, and now his face was starting to feel a little warm. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Kurt said, and he was still embarrassed, but he was kind of smiling now too, so Puck figured at least Kurt wasn’t going to keep ignoring him. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry if I overreacted last night. You just...caught me by surprise.”
Puck shrugged and glanced down the hall toward the dining room, then he turned back to Kurt and smirked. “Yeah, well, I can be pretty surprising.”
He grinned when Kurt’s face flushed again, then he slid an arm around Kurt’s shoulders and tugged him back toward the dining room. “Come on, let’s go get some food before Mike cleans out the buffet.”
“He’d have to beat Sam to it first,” Kurt said, and when Puck laughed Kurt leaned a little harder against his side. He was warm and solid pressed up against Puck, and they’d already been through this, so Puck wasn’t planning to do anything about it, but it was hard to remember why when he looked over and spotted Kurt’s smile.
~
Their Bollywood routine went about as well as Kurt expected, which was to say, not that well at all. Still, he and Tina had a lot of fun, and in spite of the fact that the judges didn’t think they were that strong, they commended Kurt and Tina on finally making a connection. As soon as Nigel said it Kurt glanced toward the edge of the stage where he knew Puck was standing, and even though Kurt couldn’t see him, he could picture Puck’s smug grin.
He managed not to roll his eyes while he was still on camera, but as soon as he got backstage and found himself wrapped in strong arms he couldn’t help laughing.
“So maybe there was some merit to your plan,” Kurt said, voice soft so Tina wouldn’t overhear him, because sure, he’d only started spending time with the girls because he assumed Puck was trying to get rid of him, but he really did enjoy their company.
Puck laughed against his neck, sending shivers down Kurt’s spine, and he was almost sure Puck wasn’t trying to torture him on purpose, but he couldn’t be positive anymore. As soon as he thought it Puck let go, clearing his throat and glancing over Kurt’s shoulder toward the stage.
“Yeah, well, here’s hoping me and Rachel get the same reaction you did from the judges, or Mia probably will beat me to death as an encore.”
“Please, as though you have anything to worry about. No one ever goes home on a Mia Michaels routine,” Kurt said, and this time he didn’t bother trying not to roll his eyes. But he was sort of smiling too, and when Puck let out a little laugh and smiled back at him, Kurt’s heart skipped a beat.
Of course Kurt was right; after Puck and Rachel danced, the judges spent so much time talking about Mia’s amazing choreography that they barely even mentioned the actual dancing. Which was a shame, as far as Kurt was concerned, because he thought Puck did an amazing job, considering it was really only his third time dancing a contemporary routine.
He didn’t pay much attention to the rest of the show, mostly because Puck came looking for him as soon as he got backstage, and Kurt was too busy focusing on the feeling of Puck’s shoulder pressed against his to register what was happening on the stage. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to let a silly, hopeless crush distract him from the competition, but they’d both already danced, so it couldn’t hurt to enjoy the feeling of Puck’s body heat warming his skin through their clothes, just until taping was over.
The energy after a performance was always tense; all the dancers - even the ones who’d gotten good reviews from the judges - knew they had as good a chance of landing in the bottom three as anyone else. There was no telling who the audience would vote for, and if you landed in the bottom three, all that stood between you and elimination was one thirty-second solo.
As soon as they finished dinner most of them headed off somewhere quiet to work on a solo performance, just in case. It was important to know what they were going to do, if they ended up in the bottom three. They all knew what happened to dancers who tried to improvise their way through a solo, and Kurt certainly wasn’t going home due to lack of preparedness.
After dinner he headed back to his room, Puck trailing behind him looking more worried than Kurt really thought he needed to, considering he’d just danced a Mia routine. And okay, it wasn’t a guarantee or anything, but Puck and Rachel had turned in a strong performance, and that combined with one of Mia’s tearjerker routines meant they probably weren’t going anywhere.
“I meant what I said, you know. You don’t have anything to worry about,” Kurt said when they reached their room.
Puck shrugged and closed the door, and it was still a little strange, being alone with Puck when Kurt could still feel those hands on him, but he shook off the thought and hoped at least his blush wasn’t too obvious.
“The judges didn’t have much to say about my dancing.”
“Only because they were too busy wetting themselves over Mia’s choreography,” Kurt said, and when Puck raised an eyebrow at him he laughed. “It’s true. That’s why no one ever goes home on a Mia routine; the judges have the whole viewing audience convinced she can do no wrong, so her routines always get votes. Even the ones that don’t make any sense.”
It wasn’t as though Kurt didn’t appreciate her choreography; he did, and he was looking forward to working with her, even if she was a little scary. But it was true that people voted for her routines, just like it was true that she was good at bringing out the potential in the dancers she got her hands on.
“You were really good tonight, Puck. Just because the judges didn’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean everyone else didn’t see it.”
Puck shrugged again, but he was smiling too, and Kurt could tell he appreciated the support. “Yeah, well, I’m not counting on anything. You want to move my bed out of the way and work on our solos in here?”
There wasn’t really enough room for Kurt to practice his solo in their room, but admitting it meant leaving Puck alone and going down to the rehearsal space where plenty of other dancers were probably running through their own routines. At least if he stayed he only had to share the space with Puck, and this way Kurt got to watch Puck dance in his own style.
Besides, the solo he was planning on was one he’d danced plenty of times before, so really all he had to do was cut it down to the strongest thirty seconds. He could do that in the limited space of their room, he was fairly sure, and if he needed more room to work there was always time tomorrow morning to use the rehearsal space before they were shuttled off to wardrobe and makeup.
“Sure, let’s stay here,” Kurt said, and when Puck grinned at him Kurt didn’t bother trying not to smile back. He didn’t think about the fact that disassembling Puck’s bed meant they’d probably end up sharing again until the mattress was already leaning against the wall, and Kurt blushed as he helped Puck lift the surprisingly heavy frame and lean it against the mattress.
They’d shared Kurt’s bed plenty of times already, so it shouldn’t be a big deal. And it wasn’t, except that a lot had happened in the past week, and some of those things had made Kurt question everything he thought he knew about Puck.
“You said something yesterday,” Kurt said, not quite looking at Puck as he helped stack the extra pillows from Puck’s bed on a chair. “When you said you tried to be what you thought your mother wanted. What did you mean?”
When Puck didn’t answer right away Kurt ventured a glance at him, and when he found Puck staring back at him he felt warmth spread down his neck and into his chest. “I tried to prove I could be straight.”
It wasn’t as though he hadn’t wondered, especially when Puck more or less coerced Kurt into letting Puck give him a massage. He’d wondered, and maybe he’d hoped a little, but until Puck said it out loud Kurt hadn’t let himself believe it.
Puck cleared his throat and turned away, reaching for Kurt’s iPod and handing it over. “So let’s see what you’ve got,” he said, then he crossed the room to plant himself on the edge of Kurt’s bed, and Kurt nodded and did his best to focus on his dance.
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