Fic: To The Bone (Xena, Xena/Psyche, NC17)
Ficlet request #8, for justmightbe, who requested Xena/Psyche with at least kissing. I took it a littler farther than that. This is a missing scene that should have fallen after chapter three of "The Trouble With Paradise", after Auto flees Psyche's apartment to avoid any more pointed questions about him and Iolaus. I intended for this scene to appear in the fic (partly because I am so very in love with Xena and Psyche, and partly because femmeslash seems to squick the hypocrites on certain mailing lists which shall remain nameless, and I am petty petty petty that way), but in a fit of stupidity I fucked up the timeline and had to leave out Xena and Psyche's first time. Therefore, I took advantage of Jane's request to finally write the missing scene. I hope it's at least close to what you were thinking of, hon.
So what follows is femmeslash, obviously. NC17.
Psyche's hand moves through her hair, tilting her head just so as she leans forward for another slow kiss. It seems like a lifetime ago that Auto left, and Xena tries to ignore another twinge of guilt at the thought of how she'd practically chased him out of the apartment just by bringing up Iolaus' name. She hadn't meant to imply that Auto had done wrong, that he'd led Iolaus on somehow, but it's second nature for her to stick up for her friends. Still, Auto is Psyche's friend, and that means Xena should think of him as her friend too.
The kiss ends on a sigh, and Xena blinks her eyes open to find Psyche watching her with a slightly bemused expression. "Stop that."
"Stop what?" Xena asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as Psyche strokes long fingers through her hair.
"Stop thinking about it. He would've left anyway, I don't think he's that comfortable around us yet. Who knows, maybe it'll do him some good to think about what happened with Iolaus."
Xena nods because she wants to believe it, wants to forget about all their friends for awhile. But it's hard to forget the look on Auto's face just before he left, because she's worn that look so many times before. She's felt that same disappointment, watched her friends pair up and learn to be happy together while she's left on the outside looking in. And now she's got Psyche, and Auto has to resent her for coming along and taking away the one thing he did have.
She knows she's been worrying her bottom lip between her teeth when Psyche reaches up, coaxing her lip free and smiling almost shyly. "So we're all alone."
"As long as Cupid doesn't call looking for relationship advice."
They both glance at the phone as though they're expecting just the sound of Cupid's name to make it ring, then they laugh and Psyche stands up, holding a hand out to help Xena off the couch. "Stay?"
Xena nods and lets Psyche lead her toward the back of the apartment, down a short hallway to the bedroom she's only seen a handful of times because they've been taking things slowly and that's only possible if they keep themselves away from temptation. She's done this enough that she shouldn't be nervous, but her stomach flutters anyway and she grips Psyche's hand a little tighter as they walk through the bedroom door. She knows it's not Psyche's first time either, but Xena's pretty sure it's her first time with just another girl, and somehow that makes a difference, because before it was just kids experimenting, but this...
She hopes this is for real, that Psyche feels the same way she does. Most of the time she's sure, but every once in awhile, when Auto shows up out of nowhere or she sees Psyche and Cupid together and finds herself thinking what an attractive couple they'd make, she can't help wondering if she's setting herself up for a fall. She doesn't want to believe it -- can't believe it -- because if she does she knows she'll never be able to go through with this. Psyche's young and wild and a little intense sometimes, but underneath it all she's sweet and alive and everything that Xena tried to tell herself that Gabbie was. She's everything Xena wants but never wanted to let herself have, and now that she's got it she's terrified of what will happen if it slips through her fingers.
Holding on too tight will ruin it, though -- she knows that, at least, from bitter experience. So she tries to relax, tries to be okay with how much Auto still needs Psyche and how much a part of her life he'll always be. She tries to tell herself that if Psyche really is just experimenting that she'll survive, that they're young and that's what they're supposed to do.
They stop next to the bed and she lets Psyche pull her down onto the mattress, their thighs pressed together and Psyche's shoulder brushing against hers as she leans over to kiss Xena again. It's hard to remember when Psyche kisses her why they've been taking things so slowly, then Psyche pulls back to look at her and it all comes flooding back. She hasn't felt like this since Callisto and she knows how easy it would be to let herself go, to fall in love and open herself up to the kind of hurt that crippled her for almost two full years. But Psyche's not Callisto -- not even close, and there are a million little differences to remind Xena of that every time she starts to forget.
She's not sure who leans back first, but suddenly they're stretched out next to each other, dark hair falling over white pillowcases and Xena takes a minute just to look, to commit this moment to memory so she won't ever forget it. Not that she ever could, no more than she could forget how beautiful Psyche is. It scares her as much as it thrills her to think that a girl like Psyche would choose her when she could have -- has had -- anyone she wants, male or female. She's pretty sure Iolaus would have chosen Psyche if he hadn't been more or less forced into choosing Auto, and she knows he would have been the perfect boyfriend and treated her like a queen.
But he couldn't give her what she needs, what Xena can give her, and that's enough to chase away the brief flare of jealousy that comes along with the idea of Iolaus and Psyche together. Anybody and Psyche, really, and Xena's not sure when she got so possessive, but she tries not to let it show.
Her hands trail down Psyche's back, skirting the hem of her shirt before she lets her fingers slide under the fabric to touch perfect skin for the first time. Psyche shivers against her and Xena smiles, thankful they didn't turn off the lights so she can see every sigh, every emotion that crosses the other girl's face. She sits up long enough to slide Psyche's shirt up and over her stomach, her hands branding each new inch of skin as Psyche follows her up and tugs the shirt over her head.
And Xena knew she was beautiful, but she catches her breath at the sight of perfect, pale skin and the swell of Psyche's breasts covered only in a thin layer of lace. She reaches out automatically, fingers tracing the edge of the lace as she leans in for another kiss. It's no surprise that she loses track of time while they shed the rest of their clothes, that later she won't be able to remember reaching for the clasp on Psyche's bra or the sensation of sensible cotton panties sliding down her own thighs. What she will remember is the softness of Psyche's skin under her hands, the sweet, clean taste of nearly translucent skin just inside her elbow, the press of firm breasts against her own. She'll remember the press of a thigh sliding between her legs and smile to herself at the familiar pulse in her groin whenever she thinks about it.
Everything about Psyche is as perfect as Xena knew it would be, and when she closes her eyes and lets out a breathless whimper Xena thinks she's even more beautiful than she ever thought possible. There's nothing shy about her, from the way she kisses to the pliant way she parts her legs when Xena presses two fingers inside for the first time.
Xena wants to see her lose control, to watch her face as she comes and know that it's because Psyche wants her. But she wants it to last, so she uses her fingers to tease as she mouths wet kisses along the graceful column of Psyche's neck until the girl underneath her is panting desperately, begging in a sweet, soft voice for Xena to please god, just let her come. So she does, pressing their lips together and forcing Psyche's lips apart to thrust her tongue in and out in time with her fingers.
Psyche's quieter than Xena expected when she comes, arching against Xena's hand and clutching at her shoulders as she gasps against the older girl's mouth. And when she says Xena's name her voice is so soft that it's hardly a sound at all, but Xena knows she'll get addicted to it nonetheless. She'll dream about that breathless, whispered voice later, when she's curled against Psyche in her bed, and tomorrow when she's at rehearsal she'll daydream about when she gets to hear it again.
For now, though, Psyche's mouth is moving against hers again, Psyche's hands leaving her shoulders to slide down her back and draw her close. They're pressed together in the center of the bed, and when Psyche nudges her gently Xena rolls onto her back and runs her fingers through long brown hair as Psyche kisses her way down Xena's neck.
She arches into the hand cupping her breast, aware that she's panting and pleading for more but unable to stop the steady stream of words pouring out of her mouth. Psyche doesn't seem to mind, but she takes her time kissing her way down Xena's body, sending shivers of white-hot pleasure straight to Xena's groin when her mouth teases each of Xena's nipples in turn.
It's been a long time since Xena did this; she's never been much for casual sex, and it's been long enough that she can't make herself care that she sounds needy and desperate as she urges that perfect mouth lower with her words and her hands. Every carefully placed kiss on her elbows and her stomach and her hip is designed to torture, to prolong Xena's pleasure in the most painful way possible, so when hands finally push her legs apart and Psyche's tongue connects with her clit sparks ignite behind her eyes.
Xena hears herself cry out and blushes crimson at the sound, but she can't stop herself from arching into the sensation. It hardly takes any time at all before she has to squeeze her eyes shut as she tenses against Psyche's hands and mouth, her voice high-pitched and strange to her own ears when she cries out her release. Minutes, maybe hours pass and Psyche's relentless tongue still moves against her, until Xena's raw and exhausted and begging the other girl to stop.
Soft hands trace the curve of her hips as Psyche moves back up her body, settling against Xena's side to pull the older girl into a long, lazy kiss. And later Xena knows all the fear will come rushing back, that she'll never quite shake the worry about what this girl could do to her, but for now this is as perfect as she ever hoped it could be. Then Psyche pulls back to smile at her, soft and sweet and Xena knows that expression is reserved only for the people Psyche really cares about. It's the most open she's ever seen her, and that's enough to make Xena smile back with all the affection pounding in her heart.
So what follows is femmeslash, obviously. NC17.
Psyche's hand moves through her hair, tilting her head just so as she leans forward for another slow kiss. It seems like a lifetime ago that Auto left, and Xena tries to ignore another twinge of guilt at the thought of how she'd practically chased him out of the apartment just by bringing up Iolaus' name. She hadn't meant to imply that Auto had done wrong, that he'd led Iolaus on somehow, but it's second nature for her to stick up for her friends. Still, Auto is Psyche's friend, and that means Xena should think of him as her friend too.
The kiss ends on a sigh, and Xena blinks her eyes open to find Psyche watching her with a slightly bemused expression. "Stop that."
"Stop what?" Xena asks, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth as Psyche strokes long fingers through her hair.
"Stop thinking about it. He would've left anyway, I don't think he's that comfortable around us yet. Who knows, maybe it'll do him some good to think about what happened with Iolaus."
Xena nods because she wants to believe it, wants to forget about all their friends for awhile. But it's hard to forget the look on Auto's face just before he left, because she's worn that look so many times before. She's felt that same disappointment, watched her friends pair up and learn to be happy together while she's left on the outside looking in. And now she's got Psyche, and Auto has to resent her for coming along and taking away the one thing he did have.
She knows she's been worrying her bottom lip between her teeth when Psyche reaches up, coaxing her lip free and smiling almost shyly. "So we're all alone."
"As long as Cupid doesn't call looking for relationship advice."
They both glance at the phone as though they're expecting just the sound of Cupid's name to make it ring, then they laugh and Psyche stands up, holding a hand out to help Xena off the couch. "Stay?"
Xena nods and lets Psyche lead her toward the back of the apartment, down a short hallway to the bedroom she's only seen a handful of times because they've been taking things slowly and that's only possible if they keep themselves away from temptation. She's done this enough that she shouldn't be nervous, but her stomach flutters anyway and she grips Psyche's hand a little tighter as they walk through the bedroom door. She knows it's not Psyche's first time either, but Xena's pretty sure it's her first time with just another girl, and somehow that makes a difference, because before it was just kids experimenting, but this...
She hopes this is for real, that Psyche feels the same way she does. Most of the time she's sure, but every once in awhile, when Auto shows up out of nowhere or she sees Psyche and Cupid together and finds herself thinking what an attractive couple they'd make, she can't help wondering if she's setting herself up for a fall. She doesn't want to believe it -- can't believe it -- because if she does she knows she'll never be able to go through with this. Psyche's young and wild and a little intense sometimes, but underneath it all she's sweet and alive and everything that Xena tried to tell herself that Gabbie was. She's everything Xena wants but never wanted to let herself have, and now that she's got it she's terrified of what will happen if it slips through her fingers.
Holding on too tight will ruin it, though -- she knows that, at least, from bitter experience. So she tries to relax, tries to be okay with how much Auto still needs Psyche and how much a part of her life he'll always be. She tries to tell herself that if Psyche really is just experimenting that she'll survive, that they're young and that's what they're supposed to do.
They stop next to the bed and she lets Psyche pull her down onto the mattress, their thighs pressed together and Psyche's shoulder brushing against hers as she leans over to kiss Xena again. It's hard to remember when Psyche kisses her why they've been taking things so slowly, then Psyche pulls back to look at her and it all comes flooding back. She hasn't felt like this since Callisto and she knows how easy it would be to let herself go, to fall in love and open herself up to the kind of hurt that crippled her for almost two full years. But Psyche's not Callisto -- not even close, and there are a million little differences to remind Xena of that every time she starts to forget.
She's not sure who leans back first, but suddenly they're stretched out next to each other, dark hair falling over white pillowcases and Xena takes a minute just to look, to commit this moment to memory so she won't ever forget it. Not that she ever could, no more than she could forget how beautiful Psyche is. It scares her as much as it thrills her to think that a girl like Psyche would choose her when she could have -- has had -- anyone she wants, male or female. She's pretty sure Iolaus would have chosen Psyche if he hadn't been more or less forced into choosing Auto, and she knows he would have been the perfect boyfriend and treated her like a queen.
But he couldn't give her what she needs, what Xena can give her, and that's enough to chase away the brief flare of jealousy that comes along with the idea of Iolaus and Psyche together. Anybody and Psyche, really, and Xena's not sure when she got so possessive, but she tries not to let it show.
Her hands trail down Psyche's back, skirting the hem of her shirt before she lets her fingers slide under the fabric to touch perfect skin for the first time. Psyche shivers against her and Xena smiles, thankful they didn't turn off the lights so she can see every sigh, every emotion that crosses the other girl's face. She sits up long enough to slide Psyche's shirt up and over her stomach, her hands branding each new inch of skin as Psyche follows her up and tugs the shirt over her head.
And Xena knew she was beautiful, but she catches her breath at the sight of perfect, pale skin and the swell of Psyche's breasts covered only in a thin layer of lace. She reaches out automatically, fingers tracing the edge of the lace as she leans in for another kiss. It's no surprise that she loses track of time while they shed the rest of their clothes, that later she won't be able to remember reaching for the clasp on Psyche's bra or the sensation of sensible cotton panties sliding down her own thighs. What she will remember is the softness of Psyche's skin under her hands, the sweet, clean taste of nearly translucent skin just inside her elbow, the press of firm breasts against her own. She'll remember the press of a thigh sliding between her legs and smile to herself at the familiar pulse in her groin whenever she thinks about it.
Everything about Psyche is as perfect as Xena knew it would be, and when she closes her eyes and lets out a breathless whimper Xena thinks she's even more beautiful than she ever thought possible. There's nothing shy about her, from the way she kisses to the pliant way she parts her legs when Xena presses two fingers inside for the first time.
Xena wants to see her lose control, to watch her face as she comes and know that it's because Psyche wants her. But she wants it to last, so she uses her fingers to tease as she mouths wet kisses along the graceful column of Psyche's neck until the girl underneath her is panting desperately, begging in a sweet, soft voice for Xena to please god, just let her come. So she does, pressing their lips together and forcing Psyche's lips apart to thrust her tongue in and out in time with her fingers.
Psyche's quieter than Xena expected when she comes, arching against Xena's hand and clutching at her shoulders as she gasps against the older girl's mouth. And when she says Xena's name her voice is so soft that it's hardly a sound at all, but Xena knows she'll get addicted to it nonetheless. She'll dream about that breathless, whispered voice later, when she's curled against Psyche in her bed, and tomorrow when she's at rehearsal she'll daydream about when she gets to hear it again.
For now, though, Psyche's mouth is moving against hers again, Psyche's hands leaving her shoulders to slide down her back and draw her close. They're pressed together in the center of the bed, and when Psyche nudges her gently Xena rolls onto her back and runs her fingers through long brown hair as Psyche kisses her way down Xena's neck.
She arches into the hand cupping her breast, aware that she's panting and pleading for more but unable to stop the steady stream of words pouring out of her mouth. Psyche doesn't seem to mind, but she takes her time kissing her way down Xena's body, sending shivers of white-hot pleasure straight to Xena's groin when her mouth teases each of Xena's nipples in turn.
It's been a long time since Xena did this; she's never been much for casual sex, and it's been long enough that she can't make herself care that she sounds needy and desperate as she urges that perfect mouth lower with her words and her hands. Every carefully placed kiss on her elbows and her stomach and her hip is designed to torture, to prolong Xena's pleasure in the most painful way possible, so when hands finally push her legs apart and Psyche's tongue connects with her clit sparks ignite behind her eyes.
Xena hears herself cry out and blushes crimson at the sound, but she can't stop herself from arching into the sensation. It hardly takes any time at all before she has to squeeze her eyes shut as she tenses against Psyche's hands and mouth, her voice high-pitched and strange to her own ears when she cries out her release. Minutes, maybe hours pass and Psyche's relentless tongue still moves against her, until Xena's raw and exhausted and begging the other girl to stop.
Soft hands trace the curve of her hips as Psyche moves back up her body, settling against Xena's side to pull the older girl into a long, lazy kiss. And later Xena knows all the fear will come rushing back, that she'll never quite shake the worry about what this girl could do to her, but for now this is as perfect as she ever hoped it could be. Then Psyche pulls back to smile at her, soft and sweet and Xena knows that expression is reserved only for the people Psyche really cares about. It's the most open she's ever seen her, and that's enough to make Xena smile back with all the affection pounding in her heart.