Fic: Rush (Brotherhood, Chris/Dan, NC17)
Does it count as being productive if what you produce has no redeeming social value whatsoever?
This is somebody's fault for making me think about The Brotherhood. I don't know whose fault, exactly, but it's definitely not mine. Actually, I'm starting to think it's David DeCoteau's fault for ending all of his movies with viable slash pairings. I think he wants us to slash his movies.
Title: Rush
Fandom: The Brotherhood
Pairing: Chris/Dan
Rating: NC17
Summary: After the scene at the frat house, Chris and Dan still have adrenaline to burn off.
Author's Note: This is actually a pretty good movie. The acting's not as bad as usual, and the storyline's fairly interesting. The last scene is beyond bad writing/acting/directing-wise, but the rest of the film is about as solid as one can expect from this level of production. This fic spoils most of the film, so take that for what it's worth. This is unbetaed, so take it with a grain of salt. I'll run through it before it goes up on the web site.
Chris' heart is still racing when they get back to their room. He's been trying to act like it doesn't bother him, making jokes to keep Dan calm as they make their way back across campus. But when they get back to their room and he stops to look at Dan -- really look at him -- he can see that it's not working any more for Dan than it is for him.
They're both amped up, adrenaline pounding through their veins, and he knows neither of them will be able to sleep. There's no sense in trying, because they just killed five people, and even if they were vampires that's still a pretty big deal.
"Dan. Danny," Chris says, reaching out instinctively when Dan doubles over, bracing his hands on his knees like he's just run a mile and he can't catch his breath. He helps the other boy sit down on his bed, sliding to his knees without thinking about what he's doing. He's got his hands on Dan's thighs, sort of kneading through his pants as he waits for his roommate to catch his breath.
He's heard about this, panic attacks that come on after a really heavy adrenaline rush, and he's not sure what to do about it. He knows he has to do something, that he got them into this mess and it's all his fault. His fault Dan almost got killed tonight, and that's something he's not sure he can live with. "Dan, come on, you're scaring me here."
Dan looks up at that, his expression unreadable and his cheeks pink with the effort to breathe. "That seems to be going around."
Chris' heart sinks, but he knows he deserves it. "You know I wouldn't have blown you off on purpose," he says, his hands on Dan's thighs squeezing just a little harder as he wills his friend -- his only friend -- to believe him. "It was the booze and that creep Devon. They must have put something in that drink they gave me that first night."
"Obviously." Dan lets out a snort of bitter laughter, shifting uncomfortably when he realizes Chris has him trapped in place. "Are you planning to propose or something?"
The truth is that Chris hasn't been thinking at all, he just dropped as soon as Dan did. Now that Dan doesn't seem to be dying he knows he should get up, but the contact is making him feel better and he doesn't want to give it up just yet. "You wish," he shoots back, hoping to make Dan laugh. When the other boy flinches Chris lets go, pushing himself off his knees and sitting on the bed next to Dan. "Sorry, I was just messing around."
"Yeah, well, can you do me a favor and not mess around? That's what got us here in the first place."
"Me? You're the one who wanted to go to the party so bad," Chris says, hurt mingling with his indignation. It's the truth and they both know it; he would never have gone to the frat house that night if it wasn't for Dan's puppy dog eyes. Chris knows Devon would have found another way to get to him, but he's not about to admit that to Dan.
"Hey, I'm not the one who ditched his friends to go off with the big bloodsucker on campus," Dan answers, and Chris can hear the hurt behind the anger now. "You ditched me, my friend."
"I'm sorry," Chris answers, and the thing is he means it. He's sorry about everything; about Megan, about ditching Dan, about nearly getting both of them killed. He's sorry he ever took that drink and he's sorry he didn't just tell Dan the truth about himself in the first place. "I wouldn't...I mean I did, but it never would have happened if Devon wasn't...whatever he was."
And he knows it's at least partly a lie, because he was drawn to Devon from the moment he saw him. He was drawn to Dan too, but since the moment they met all Dan's talked about is scoring with girls, and that pretty much leaves Chris out. Besides, Devon was beautiful, and he wanted Chris. Wanted Chris to love him, even, and that's something no one's ever offered him before.
"Why you, anyway?" Dan asks, and Chris blushes crimson when he remembers that he's not alone. "I mean you're definitely frat boy material and everything, but why'd he want you so bad?"
He winces at the word 'want', golden skin flashing in his memory. He can still feel Devon's mouth on him, still picture the moment when Devon pushed that drunk girl whose name he can't even remember out from between them. He remembers vividly when Devon kissed him for the first time, mouth full of the copper tang of blood and his hands all over Chris. He remembers how much he wanted it, how much part of him still wants it even now that he's out from under Devon's spell.
"He wanted my body." That came out all wrong, and when he realizes it he blushes all over again and looks over at Dan. "I mean he literally wanted my body. He has to trade in for a new model every hundred years or he dies. Guess we took care of that problem for him."
Dan nods, but Chris can see in his eyes that he knows the truth. He'd have to be pretty stupid not to, especially considering how hard Megan pursued him and how fast Chris blew her off. And if there's anything Dan's not, it's stupid, so Chris is almost relieved to see the truth dawn on him. "So did he....I mean you guys..."
Chris knows he's blushing even harder now, because suddenly Dan's hand is on his shoulder and he's backpedaling like crazy. "I mean it's not your fault, you weren't in your right mind. Whatever those guys did to you...it was them, Chris. It doesn't make you...I mean you're not..."
"Yeah, I am," Chris interrupts, mostly because he can't stand to listen to Dan babble his way through an apology Chris doesn't deserve. "Not because of that. I mean yeah, we did, but it wasn't like he took advantage of me."
"So you're..."
He knows he shouldn't be hurt that Dan can't even bring himself to say the word. He knows he should have been expecting this, that it's the reason he didn't introduce himself that first day with, "Hi, I'm Chris. I'm your new gay roommate." Because Dan's a cool guy and Chris likes him -- way too much, apparently -- but there aren't a lot of straight guys who are that cool about finding out they're sleeping in the same room as someone who thinks about them when they jerk off.
"Look, I probably should have told you before, but I didn't want to freak you out."
"But what about Megan?" Dan asks, and when he stands up and takes a few quick steps backwards Chris tells himself he's not hurt.
"I tried to tell you I wasn't really interested," Chris answers, knowing he sounds exactly as lame as he feels. "I don't know, maybe I was trying to make a good impression. You seemed to think I was going to be some kind of big stud. I guess I didn't want to disappoint you."
"Disappoint me? You barely even knew me," Dan says, and Chris has to admit that he's right. There's only one reason he's been trying to impress Dan, and he's pretty sure Dan doesn't want to hear that. He doesn't know what to say to that; 'but I like you' won't go over right at all, and neither will 'you're the only person I've ever told'. No matter what he says it's going to sound to Dan like a come-on, and Chris doesn't want that. Not unless Dan wants it back, and he's pretty sure that's not going to happen.
Finally he stands up, pretending he doesn't notice when Dan flinches. He crosses to his own bed, staring down at it for a second before he realizes that he's never going to get to sleep tonight. What he really needs to do is get out of here for awhile, give them both some time to process everything. The thought of wandering around campus alone makes him shudder, though, even after he saw with his own eyes that they're all dead.
He thinks about suggesting that he go sleep in Dan's car and has to laugh, remembering the look on his roommate's face that first day they moved in. He glances over his shoulder to find Dan sitting on the edge of his bed again, head in his hands like it's too heavy to hold up anymore. Chris' heart sinks for the second time that night, and he wants to cross the room and get back down on his knees. He wants to beg Dan to forget he ever said anything, to promise never to bring it up again if they can just go back to whatever they were before this. They were friends for a few days there, until Chris let his hormones lead him right into Devon's twisted world.
"Look, Dan, I can request a room transfer. It's the least I owe you after tonight."
Dan looks up sharply at that, and when Chris sees how pale he is he does cross the room again. He stops just short of actually touching the other boy, but his fingers twitch with the effort to hold back.
"I don't want you to move out."
"Look, you don't have to be cool about this. I understand, I mean it's not like I didn't grow up with it. You're a good guy, Dan, I don't blame you for not wanting to share a room with a fag." Dan winces at the word and Chris wonders if it's because it bothers him or if it's because Dan was thinking it himself. He doesn't want to lose their friendship, but if that's the way Dan feels he has a feeling he's not going to have a choice. And maybe it's for the best, because he likes Dan a little more than he should and that kind of friendship never ends well.
He learned that lesson the hard way back in high school.
"No, it's not..." And now Dan's blushing, and Chris decides it looks really, really good on him. A lot better than that ridiculous vest, anyway, and Chris finds himself thinking all over again about how he can persuade Dan to shave off those sideburns. "I can't believe this."
"What?" Chris asks, his voice soft like he's scared that if he reminds Dan he's standing here the other boy will bolt.
Dan lets out a heavy sigh and lets his head drop back into his hands, fingers carding through spiked hair while he tries to find the words to spit out whatever he's thinking. "I told myself college was going to be different."
"Different than what?" Chris is trying to be patient, but it's never been one of his strong points and he knows if he has to drag every word out of Dan this is going to get old quick.
"Different than high school. Different than my life," Dan answers, sounding frustrated now. He glances up at Chris and lets out a little groan, gesturing at nothing with one hand. "I know I joke around about being the class geek and everything. It's true that I got beat up all the time, but it wasn't just because I got good grades and wore lame clothes. The clothes probably had something to do with it, although I never actually showed up at school in anything like those vinyl pants you were wearing the other night."
It's hard to follow what Dan's trying to say; Chris doesn't want to jump to any conclusions, but it almost sounds like... "So what...the jocks at your school kicked your ass because they thought you were gay?"
"Yeah." He mumbles it into his hands, but Chris can hear the misery in his voice anyway. He's trying to be understanding, but when he realizes what Dan's problem is anger flares up in his chest.
"So you're worried that if you live with me the people here are going to think you're queer? Fuck you, Dan. I'm trying to be your friend here, but if you can't handle that you know where the door is."
He turns to walk away even though there's really nowhere to go. He'd go outside if he wasn't so fucking scared of what might still be out there, but he's not sure when he'll be able to walk around in the daylight without looking over his shoulder again, never mind at night. He stops when he reaches his bed, looking down at it again as though somehow that's going to make this whole miserable scene better. He still can't sleep and he can't storm out, so that leaves him with the option of lying on his side and staring at the wall until morning.
"You think it was easy, getting my ass kicked three times a week?" Dan says, and Chris jumps at the proximity of the other boy's voice. He turns to find himself almost nose to nose with an irate roommate, and if he wasn't so pissed he'd think Dan's pink ears were kind of cute. "You think it's fun being laughed at and beaten up just because you're not like everybody else? Well let me tell you something, pal, it's not. But you wouldn't know what that's like, you with your muscles and your perfect smile and that face. You couldn't be anything but popular and you know it. So fuck you. You don't have first clue what it's like."
Dan pokes a finger against his chest as he says the last part, and Chris' temper flares even higher. He reaches up to push Dan away, but he overestimates his own strength and suddenly Dan's stumbling backwards.
"Shit," he mutters, reaching out to grab Dan by the shoulders and steady him. As soon as Dan gets his footing his face twists into a scowl, and he flattens his palms against Chris' chest and pushes. Hard. Chris barely moves, and that seems to make Dan even angrier.
"Fuck you," Dan says again, and Chris has a split second to wonder if he's actually going to cry before Dan lunges forward and kisses him. He barely has time to react before Dan's hands are under his shirt, pushing it up his chest. And he's not much of a kisser, but he's Dan and that's all that really matters. Chris lets him push at his shirt, lets Dan's hands clutch possessively at his chest and then his shoulders. His own hands are still gripping Dan's shoulders firmly, and he finally slides one hand into short, dark hair and pulls back hard enough to get Dan's attention.
"Danny?" he says, blinking at the mixture of anger and fear and lust flashing in his roommate's eyes.
As soon as Chris says his name Dan seems to come back to himself, the lust fading to embarrassment when he sees Chris' shirt bunched up around his armpits. "Jesus. I...shit."
Chris lets go of him long enough to reach for his shirt, but instead of pulling it back down he tugs it over his head and drops it on the floor. He thinks he understands now, thinks he knows why Dan's so pissed at him. And the thing is he doesn't really blame him, because Dan was right when he said they've been living the same life, only totally different. Parallel lives, two loners growing up without anybody who could understand them, maybe give them what they needed. And then they found each other, and the first thing Chris did was ditch him for Devon.
"I'm sorry," Chris says before he even knows what he's apologizing for. Everything, maybe; all the times Dan got the shit kicked out of him for being gay, or maybe for fucking Devon when he should have been right here fucking Dan. "Jesus, Dan, I didn't know..."
"Yeah, well, college was supposed to be different," Dan mumbles, his gaze locked on the floor so Chris won't see him blush. He can still see the tips of Dan's ears, though, bright red and irresistible. Chris reaches out to trace one with a fingertip, ignoring the way Dan flinches.
"What, you were gonna come to college and suddenly be straight?"
When Dan looks up at him Chris realizes that's exactly what he was hoping, and he has to swallow hard against the ball of lead in his stomach. "Jesus," he murmurs again, because he has no idea what to say to that.
"I didn't...I mean I'm not stupid. I know that's not how it works, I just figured maybe...maybe if I tried, you know? Because I've never even kissed a girl, and I figured maybe if I did I'd actually like it." He's babbling again, and Chris can only think of one way to shut him up, so he pulls Dan forward by the front of his shirt and presses their lips together again, kissing Dan thoroughly before he lets go.
"Did you like that?"
He feels like the biggest asshole ever when Dan's expression just crumples, and now he's almost sure the other boy's actually going to cry. He has no idea what to do, he's never been good at big emotional scenes and he's afraid he's broken something he can't fix. Just when he starts to panic Dan nods, and a few seconds later he whispers an answer in a voice so soft that Chris has to lean into his personal space just to hear him. "Yeah."
Part of Chris is angry. He wants to tell Dan that it's not the end of the fucking world, that he can be gay and still look himself in the mirror. He wants to help him forget all those assholes in high school, to tell him that he's worth a hundred of them and make him believe it. He doesn't know how to say any of that, though, so instead he takes a few steps forward and puts his arms around Dan. He pulls him close and buries his face in the other boy's neck, stroking down his back with broad, soothing palms. "It's okay," he whispers, even though he's pretty sure it isn't. "I'm sorry, Danny, I just..."
"Don't call me that," Dan mumbles against his shoulder, but he sounds enough like himself that Chris pulls back far enough to smile at him.
"What, Danny?"
"Yeah," Dan answers, making a face and reaching up to wipe at his eyes. "My mom calls me that, it's creeping me out."
Chris laughs and starts to pull Dan close again, but when Dan tenses he loosens his grip and looks down at the other boy. He tells himself not to push it, that he should let Dan make the next move or pull away or whatever he needs to do. He tells himself they don't have to rush into anything, that they're both still antsy from what happened at the frat house and they're probably not thinking straight. Only he's been thinking about this since the minute he laid eyes on his roommate, and he's not sure he can back off.
"Chris, I..." Then he's blushing again, and Chris swallows a groan and stops himself from pushing Dan down onto his bed and clearing up any questions Dan might have left about him. He knows his roommate's a virgin, that the two kisses they've shared are two more than Dan's ever had before tonight. He's almost a virgin himself, because there weren't any guys like him in his hometown and except for Devon there's never been anybody he could even talk to about this stuff. Not that he and Devon did any actual talking, but he learned enough in that one night to know how to get Dan to relax and stop thinking so much.
Instead of answering Chris leans in, opening his mouth against Dan's neck. He realizes too late that Dan's probably still a little worried about the whole vampire thing, so he plants a wet kiss on the other boy's skin and then works his way back up to Dan's mouth. He takes his time, waiting for a response from Dan before he tries to deepen the kiss. Slowly Dan's hands begin to move on his back, exploring his skin as he works on unbuttoning the smaller boy's shirt.
When he's done he pushes Dan's shirt off his shoulders, smiling against his mouth as he runs a hand down the front of Dan's undershirt. Dan shudders when Chris' hand brushes across his stomach, finding the hem of his shirt and pushing up under it. Dan's skin is hot, and Chris takes his time exploring the flat, slightly concave chest before he pulls away and pulls the shirt over Dan's head.
He pauses long enough to let Dan process what's going on, but when the other boy doesn't panic or put up any resistance Chris drops to his knees and presses his mouth to Dan's stomach. A shiver rolls through Dan's body and he has to grip Chris' shoulders to keep from falling over, so Chris grips his hips a little tighter as he feathers soft kisses from Dan's belly button to the top of his waistband. He tongues the top of Dan's pelvic bone, tasting sweat and cotton when his tongue dips briefly under Dan's waistband. Dan's grip tightens a little at that and his legs do start to give out, so Chris pulls back and stands up again.
"I want to suck you," he murmurs against Dan's ear, his arms wrapped around the other boy to keep him upright. He feels Dan tense momentarily before he relaxes again, and when he pulls back he can see the need mingled with embarrassment burning in his face.
Chris steers them both back to his bed, pushing Dan down onto the edge and dropping to his knees for the third time tonight. He leans up and catches Dan's mouth against his in a hard, insistent kiss, his hands finding Dan's waistband and working it open. Then he's taking Dan's cock out, swallowing the other boy's gasp as he works his fist around Dan's length. He knows this isn't going to take long; he vaguely remembers the embarrassing speed at which he came when Devon sucked him off, but he pushes that thought aside and releases Dan's mouth with one last kiss.
Dan leans back when Chris moves down his body, his legs spreading instinctively to give Chris more room. And he's never actually done this before, but neither has Dan and that makes them pretty much even. He takes a deep breath as he leans over, inhaling the scent of Dan's arousal -- different than his but almost the same, sex and sweat mixed with something sweet that Chris can't quite place. Then he lets his tongue dart out to taste the tip of Dan's cock, already slick just from the anticipation.
His own erection presses insistently against the sweatpants he pulled on when they got back to the room, but he ignores it and focuses on finding the rhythm that works best for Dan. When he slides his mouth down the other boy's length for the first time Dan gasps and arches forward, fingers clutching Chris' sheets as he lets out a choked 'oh' that makes Chris' cock twitch. And it's a little strange, having another guy's dick in his mouth for the first time, but Chris loves it. He loves even more the fact that it's Dan, that Dan's letting him do this. Even if he doesn't want to reciprocate Chris doesn't mind, because he knows what Dan tastes like now and that's something.
It hardly takes any time at all before Dan's breathing too hard and pushing up against his hands, and Chris barely has time to establish any kind of rhythm before Dan grunts and comes in his mouth. He's surprised to learn that he swallows. He's even more surprised to learn that he doesn't mind.
He uses his tongue to clean up what he missed before he looks up again, and when he sees Dan leaning back with his pants open and his eyes closed he can't help reaching down to rub his dick. He tries not to moan, but he can't quite swallow the sound and when Dan hears it he opens his eyes. For a second they go wide, like he forgot Chris was kneeling in front of him, still reeling from sucking off another guy for the first time.
Then he looks down at Chris' hand stroking the front of his sweatpants, and Chris can't stand it. He lets go of his dick long enough to push his sweatpants down, stopping when they're halfway down his thighs and taking hold of his erection. He winces at the almost painful pressure; he knows it's only going to take a few strokes before he loses it, but he almost regrets not being able to make it last when he sees Dan watching him.
He finds the rhythm he likes best, hard and rough and almost painful, and he barely gets a dozen strokes in before he's tensing and squeezing his eyes shut, hot liquid hitting his chest and stomach. When he stops shaking his hand's still grasping his dick, so he strokes a few more times as he tries to catch his breath. His eyes are still closed and he almost forgets that he's not alone until he hears Dan moving in front of him.
When he feels warm hands on his chest he opens his eyes, just in time to see Dan's head dip down and a warm tongue running down his chest to his stomach. His cock twitches at the sight of Dan cleaning him up, and he's sure the other boy's going to be blushing when he finally looks up again. Dan hesitates when he reaches Chris' cock, so Chris threads a hand through his hair and guides his mouth, groaning low in his throat when Dan's mouth closes around him.
It's awkward and a little sloppy and it doesn't last very long, but when Dan straightens up Chris is already half-hard again. He hauls the other boy forward and presses their mouths together, letting Dan taste both of them before he pulls away and pulls Dan to his feet. They kick off the rest of their clothes before they climb into Chris' bed, but once they're face to face and Chris can see how nervous Dan still is he stops.
"Hey," he whispers, his voice too loud in the silence of the room, "is this okay? I mean..."
Dan nods before he can finish, reaching up with one hand to cover Chris' mouth. "Yeah," he answers, his fingers lingering against Chris' lips, "it's weird. Good, though. I think so, anyway."
Chris laughs against Dan's fingers, part relief and part nerves. It's possible Dan will wake up in the morning and decide this was all a huge mistake, and then Chris will be looking for a new roommate anyway. But it's also possible that he'll wake up and realize how right this feels, and after the week he's had Chris deserves for one thing to go right.
"Let me know when you decide," Chris answers, only half-joking as he leans forward to kiss Dan again. The other boy moans against his mouth and Chris takes that as a good sign. He has all night to convince Dan that they're doing the right thing, after all, and he has a feeling neither of them will get much sleep tonight.
~
ETA: I am just now, after posting, proofreading, wandering off for Chinese food at the place down the street, and answering some comments, noticing the pun in the title of this fic. 'Rush', movie about a fraternity...wow. That is a really, really bad unintentional pun.
This is somebody's fault for making me think about The Brotherhood. I don't know whose fault, exactly, but it's definitely not mine. Actually, I'm starting to think it's David DeCoteau's fault for ending all of his movies with viable slash pairings. I think he wants us to slash his movies.
Title: Rush
Fandom: The Brotherhood
Pairing: Chris/Dan
Rating: NC17
Summary: After the scene at the frat house, Chris and Dan still have adrenaline to burn off.
Author's Note: This is actually a pretty good movie. The acting's not as bad as usual, and the storyline's fairly interesting. The last scene is beyond bad writing/acting/directing-wise, but the rest of the film is about as solid as one can expect from this level of production. This fic spoils most of the film, so take that for what it's worth. This is unbetaed, so take it with a grain of salt. I'll run through it before it goes up on the web site.
Chris' heart is still racing when they get back to their room. He's been trying to act like it doesn't bother him, making jokes to keep Dan calm as they make their way back across campus. But when they get back to their room and he stops to look at Dan -- really look at him -- he can see that it's not working any more for Dan than it is for him.
They're both amped up, adrenaline pounding through their veins, and he knows neither of them will be able to sleep. There's no sense in trying, because they just killed five people, and even if they were vampires that's still a pretty big deal.
"Dan. Danny," Chris says, reaching out instinctively when Dan doubles over, bracing his hands on his knees like he's just run a mile and he can't catch his breath. He helps the other boy sit down on his bed, sliding to his knees without thinking about what he's doing. He's got his hands on Dan's thighs, sort of kneading through his pants as he waits for his roommate to catch his breath.
He's heard about this, panic attacks that come on after a really heavy adrenaline rush, and he's not sure what to do about it. He knows he has to do something, that he got them into this mess and it's all his fault. His fault Dan almost got killed tonight, and that's something he's not sure he can live with. "Dan, come on, you're scaring me here."
Dan looks up at that, his expression unreadable and his cheeks pink with the effort to breathe. "That seems to be going around."
Chris' heart sinks, but he knows he deserves it. "You know I wouldn't have blown you off on purpose," he says, his hands on Dan's thighs squeezing just a little harder as he wills his friend -- his only friend -- to believe him. "It was the booze and that creep Devon. They must have put something in that drink they gave me that first night."
"Obviously." Dan lets out a snort of bitter laughter, shifting uncomfortably when he realizes Chris has him trapped in place. "Are you planning to propose or something?"
The truth is that Chris hasn't been thinking at all, he just dropped as soon as Dan did. Now that Dan doesn't seem to be dying he knows he should get up, but the contact is making him feel better and he doesn't want to give it up just yet. "You wish," he shoots back, hoping to make Dan laugh. When the other boy flinches Chris lets go, pushing himself off his knees and sitting on the bed next to Dan. "Sorry, I was just messing around."
"Yeah, well, can you do me a favor and not mess around? That's what got us here in the first place."
"Me? You're the one who wanted to go to the party so bad," Chris says, hurt mingling with his indignation. It's the truth and they both know it; he would never have gone to the frat house that night if it wasn't for Dan's puppy dog eyes. Chris knows Devon would have found another way to get to him, but he's not about to admit that to Dan.
"Hey, I'm not the one who ditched his friends to go off with the big bloodsucker on campus," Dan answers, and Chris can hear the hurt behind the anger now. "You ditched me, my friend."
"I'm sorry," Chris answers, and the thing is he means it. He's sorry about everything; about Megan, about ditching Dan, about nearly getting both of them killed. He's sorry he ever took that drink and he's sorry he didn't just tell Dan the truth about himself in the first place. "I wouldn't...I mean I did, but it never would have happened if Devon wasn't...whatever he was."
And he knows it's at least partly a lie, because he was drawn to Devon from the moment he saw him. He was drawn to Dan too, but since the moment they met all Dan's talked about is scoring with girls, and that pretty much leaves Chris out. Besides, Devon was beautiful, and he wanted Chris. Wanted Chris to love him, even, and that's something no one's ever offered him before.
"Why you, anyway?" Dan asks, and Chris blushes crimson when he remembers that he's not alone. "I mean you're definitely frat boy material and everything, but why'd he want you so bad?"
He winces at the word 'want', golden skin flashing in his memory. He can still feel Devon's mouth on him, still picture the moment when Devon pushed that drunk girl whose name he can't even remember out from between them. He remembers vividly when Devon kissed him for the first time, mouth full of the copper tang of blood and his hands all over Chris. He remembers how much he wanted it, how much part of him still wants it even now that he's out from under Devon's spell.
"He wanted my body." That came out all wrong, and when he realizes it he blushes all over again and looks over at Dan. "I mean he literally wanted my body. He has to trade in for a new model every hundred years or he dies. Guess we took care of that problem for him."
Dan nods, but Chris can see in his eyes that he knows the truth. He'd have to be pretty stupid not to, especially considering how hard Megan pursued him and how fast Chris blew her off. And if there's anything Dan's not, it's stupid, so Chris is almost relieved to see the truth dawn on him. "So did he....I mean you guys..."
Chris knows he's blushing even harder now, because suddenly Dan's hand is on his shoulder and he's backpedaling like crazy. "I mean it's not your fault, you weren't in your right mind. Whatever those guys did to you...it was them, Chris. It doesn't make you...I mean you're not..."
"Yeah, I am," Chris interrupts, mostly because he can't stand to listen to Dan babble his way through an apology Chris doesn't deserve. "Not because of that. I mean yeah, we did, but it wasn't like he took advantage of me."
"So you're..."
He knows he shouldn't be hurt that Dan can't even bring himself to say the word. He knows he should have been expecting this, that it's the reason he didn't introduce himself that first day with, "Hi, I'm Chris. I'm your new gay roommate." Because Dan's a cool guy and Chris likes him -- way too much, apparently -- but there aren't a lot of straight guys who are that cool about finding out they're sleeping in the same room as someone who thinks about them when they jerk off.
"Look, I probably should have told you before, but I didn't want to freak you out."
"But what about Megan?" Dan asks, and when he stands up and takes a few quick steps backwards Chris tells himself he's not hurt.
"I tried to tell you I wasn't really interested," Chris answers, knowing he sounds exactly as lame as he feels. "I don't know, maybe I was trying to make a good impression. You seemed to think I was going to be some kind of big stud. I guess I didn't want to disappoint you."
"Disappoint me? You barely even knew me," Dan says, and Chris has to admit that he's right. There's only one reason he's been trying to impress Dan, and he's pretty sure Dan doesn't want to hear that. He doesn't know what to say to that; 'but I like you' won't go over right at all, and neither will 'you're the only person I've ever told'. No matter what he says it's going to sound to Dan like a come-on, and Chris doesn't want that. Not unless Dan wants it back, and he's pretty sure that's not going to happen.
Finally he stands up, pretending he doesn't notice when Dan flinches. He crosses to his own bed, staring down at it for a second before he realizes that he's never going to get to sleep tonight. What he really needs to do is get out of here for awhile, give them both some time to process everything. The thought of wandering around campus alone makes him shudder, though, even after he saw with his own eyes that they're all dead.
He thinks about suggesting that he go sleep in Dan's car and has to laugh, remembering the look on his roommate's face that first day they moved in. He glances over his shoulder to find Dan sitting on the edge of his bed again, head in his hands like it's too heavy to hold up anymore. Chris' heart sinks for the second time that night, and he wants to cross the room and get back down on his knees. He wants to beg Dan to forget he ever said anything, to promise never to bring it up again if they can just go back to whatever they were before this. They were friends for a few days there, until Chris let his hormones lead him right into Devon's twisted world.
"Look, Dan, I can request a room transfer. It's the least I owe you after tonight."
Dan looks up sharply at that, and when Chris sees how pale he is he does cross the room again. He stops just short of actually touching the other boy, but his fingers twitch with the effort to hold back.
"I don't want you to move out."
"Look, you don't have to be cool about this. I understand, I mean it's not like I didn't grow up with it. You're a good guy, Dan, I don't blame you for not wanting to share a room with a fag." Dan winces at the word and Chris wonders if it's because it bothers him or if it's because Dan was thinking it himself. He doesn't want to lose their friendship, but if that's the way Dan feels he has a feeling he's not going to have a choice. And maybe it's for the best, because he likes Dan a little more than he should and that kind of friendship never ends well.
He learned that lesson the hard way back in high school.
"No, it's not..." And now Dan's blushing, and Chris decides it looks really, really good on him. A lot better than that ridiculous vest, anyway, and Chris finds himself thinking all over again about how he can persuade Dan to shave off those sideburns. "I can't believe this."
"What?" Chris asks, his voice soft like he's scared that if he reminds Dan he's standing here the other boy will bolt.
Dan lets out a heavy sigh and lets his head drop back into his hands, fingers carding through spiked hair while he tries to find the words to spit out whatever he's thinking. "I told myself college was going to be different."
"Different than what?" Chris is trying to be patient, but it's never been one of his strong points and he knows if he has to drag every word out of Dan this is going to get old quick.
"Different than high school. Different than my life," Dan answers, sounding frustrated now. He glances up at Chris and lets out a little groan, gesturing at nothing with one hand. "I know I joke around about being the class geek and everything. It's true that I got beat up all the time, but it wasn't just because I got good grades and wore lame clothes. The clothes probably had something to do with it, although I never actually showed up at school in anything like those vinyl pants you were wearing the other night."
It's hard to follow what Dan's trying to say; Chris doesn't want to jump to any conclusions, but it almost sounds like... "So what...the jocks at your school kicked your ass because they thought you were gay?"
"Yeah." He mumbles it into his hands, but Chris can hear the misery in his voice anyway. He's trying to be understanding, but when he realizes what Dan's problem is anger flares up in his chest.
"So you're worried that if you live with me the people here are going to think you're queer? Fuck you, Dan. I'm trying to be your friend here, but if you can't handle that you know where the door is."
He turns to walk away even though there's really nowhere to go. He'd go outside if he wasn't so fucking scared of what might still be out there, but he's not sure when he'll be able to walk around in the daylight without looking over his shoulder again, never mind at night. He stops when he reaches his bed, looking down at it again as though somehow that's going to make this whole miserable scene better. He still can't sleep and he can't storm out, so that leaves him with the option of lying on his side and staring at the wall until morning.
"You think it was easy, getting my ass kicked three times a week?" Dan says, and Chris jumps at the proximity of the other boy's voice. He turns to find himself almost nose to nose with an irate roommate, and if he wasn't so pissed he'd think Dan's pink ears were kind of cute. "You think it's fun being laughed at and beaten up just because you're not like everybody else? Well let me tell you something, pal, it's not. But you wouldn't know what that's like, you with your muscles and your perfect smile and that face. You couldn't be anything but popular and you know it. So fuck you. You don't have first clue what it's like."
Dan pokes a finger against his chest as he says the last part, and Chris' temper flares even higher. He reaches up to push Dan away, but he overestimates his own strength and suddenly Dan's stumbling backwards.
"Shit," he mutters, reaching out to grab Dan by the shoulders and steady him. As soon as Dan gets his footing his face twists into a scowl, and he flattens his palms against Chris' chest and pushes. Hard. Chris barely moves, and that seems to make Dan even angrier.
"Fuck you," Dan says again, and Chris has a split second to wonder if he's actually going to cry before Dan lunges forward and kisses him. He barely has time to react before Dan's hands are under his shirt, pushing it up his chest. And he's not much of a kisser, but he's Dan and that's all that really matters. Chris lets him push at his shirt, lets Dan's hands clutch possessively at his chest and then his shoulders. His own hands are still gripping Dan's shoulders firmly, and he finally slides one hand into short, dark hair and pulls back hard enough to get Dan's attention.
"Danny?" he says, blinking at the mixture of anger and fear and lust flashing in his roommate's eyes.
As soon as Chris says his name Dan seems to come back to himself, the lust fading to embarrassment when he sees Chris' shirt bunched up around his armpits. "Jesus. I...shit."
Chris lets go of him long enough to reach for his shirt, but instead of pulling it back down he tugs it over his head and drops it on the floor. He thinks he understands now, thinks he knows why Dan's so pissed at him. And the thing is he doesn't really blame him, because Dan was right when he said they've been living the same life, only totally different. Parallel lives, two loners growing up without anybody who could understand them, maybe give them what they needed. And then they found each other, and the first thing Chris did was ditch him for Devon.
"I'm sorry," Chris says before he even knows what he's apologizing for. Everything, maybe; all the times Dan got the shit kicked out of him for being gay, or maybe for fucking Devon when he should have been right here fucking Dan. "Jesus, Dan, I didn't know..."
"Yeah, well, college was supposed to be different," Dan mumbles, his gaze locked on the floor so Chris won't see him blush. He can still see the tips of Dan's ears, though, bright red and irresistible. Chris reaches out to trace one with a fingertip, ignoring the way Dan flinches.
"What, you were gonna come to college and suddenly be straight?"
When Dan looks up at him Chris realizes that's exactly what he was hoping, and he has to swallow hard against the ball of lead in his stomach. "Jesus," he murmurs again, because he has no idea what to say to that.
"I didn't...I mean I'm not stupid. I know that's not how it works, I just figured maybe...maybe if I tried, you know? Because I've never even kissed a girl, and I figured maybe if I did I'd actually like it." He's babbling again, and Chris can only think of one way to shut him up, so he pulls Dan forward by the front of his shirt and presses their lips together again, kissing Dan thoroughly before he lets go.
"Did you like that?"
He feels like the biggest asshole ever when Dan's expression just crumples, and now he's almost sure the other boy's actually going to cry. He has no idea what to do, he's never been good at big emotional scenes and he's afraid he's broken something he can't fix. Just when he starts to panic Dan nods, and a few seconds later he whispers an answer in a voice so soft that Chris has to lean into his personal space just to hear him. "Yeah."
Part of Chris is angry. He wants to tell Dan that it's not the end of the fucking world, that he can be gay and still look himself in the mirror. He wants to help him forget all those assholes in high school, to tell him that he's worth a hundred of them and make him believe it. He doesn't know how to say any of that, though, so instead he takes a few steps forward and puts his arms around Dan. He pulls him close and buries his face in the other boy's neck, stroking down his back with broad, soothing palms. "It's okay," he whispers, even though he's pretty sure it isn't. "I'm sorry, Danny, I just..."
"Don't call me that," Dan mumbles against his shoulder, but he sounds enough like himself that Chris pulls back far enough to smile at him.
"What, Danny?"
"Yeah," Dan answers, making a face and reaching up to wipe at his eyes. "My mom calls me that, it's creeping me out."
Chris laughs and starts to pull Dan close again, but when Dan tenses he loosens his grip and looks down at the other boy. He tells himself not to push it, that he should let Dan make the next move or pull away or whatever he needs to do. He tells himself they don't have to rush into anything, that they're both still antsy from what happened at the frat house and they're probably not thinking straight. Only he's been thinking about this since the minute he laid eyes on his roommate, and he's not sure he can back off.
"Chris, I..." Then he's blushing again, and Chris swallows a groan and stops himself from pushing Dan down onto his bed and clearing up any questions Dan might have left about him. He knows his roommate's a virgin, that the two kisses they've shared are two more than Dan's ever had before tonight. He's almost a virgin himself, because there weren't any guys like him in his hometown and except for Devon there's never been anybody he could even talk to about this stuff. Not that he and Devon did any actual talking, but he learned enough in that one night to know how to get Dan to relax and stop thinking so much.
Instead of answering Chris leans in, opening his mouth against Dan's neck. He realizes too late that Dan's probably still a little worried about the whole vampire thing, so he plants a wet kiss on the other boy's skin and then works his way back up to Dan's mouth. He takes his time, waiting for a response from Dan before he tries to deepen the kiss. Slowly Dan's hands begin to move on his back, exploring his skin as he works on unbuttoning the smaller boy's shirt.
When he's done he pushes Dan's shirt off his shoulders, smiling against his mouth as he runs a hand down the front of Dan's undershirt. Dan shudders when Chris' hand brushes across his stomach, finding the hem of his shirt and pushing up under it. Dan's skin is hot, and Chris takes his time exploring the flat, slightly concave chest before he pulls away and pulls the shirt over Dan's head.
He pauses long enough to let Dan process what's going on, but when the other boy doesn't panic or put up any resistance Chris drops to his knees and presses his mouth to Dan's stomach. A shiver rolls through Dan's body and he has to grip Chris' shoulders to keep from falling over, so Chris grips his hips a little tighter as he feathers soft kisses from Dan's belly button to the top of his waistband. He tongues the top of Dan's pelvic bone, tasting sweat and cotton when his tongue dips briefly under Dan's waistband. Dan's grip tightens a little at that and his legs do start to give out, so Chris pulls back and stands up again.
"I want to suck you," he murmurs against Dan's ear, his arms wrapped around the other boy to keep him upright. He feels Dan tense momentarily before he relaxes again, and when he pulls back he can see the need mingled with embarrassment burning in his face.
Chris steers them both back to his bed, pushing Dan down onto the edge and dropping to his knees for the third time tonight. He leans up and catches Dan's mouth against his in a hard, insistent kiss, his hands finding Dan's waistband and working it open. Then he's taking Dan's cock out, swallowing the other boy's gasp as he works his fist around Dan's length. He knows this isn't going to take long; he vaguely remembers the embarrassing speed at which he came when Devon sucked him off, but he pushes that thought aside and releases Dan's mouth with one last kiss.
Dan leans back when Chris moves down his body, his legs spreading instinctively to give Chris more room. And he's never actually done this before, but neither has Dan and that makes them pretty much even. He takes a deep breath as he leans over, inhaling the scent of Dan's arousal -- different than his but almost the same, sex and sweat mixed with something sweet that Chris can't quite place. Then he lets his tongue dart out to taste the tip of Dan's cock, already slick just from the anticipation.
His own erection presses insistently against the sweatpants he pulled on when they got back to the room, but he ignores it and focuses on finding the rhythm that works best for Dan. When he slides his mouth down the other boy's length for the first time Dan gasps and arches forward, fingers clutching Chris' sheets as he lets out a choked 'oh' that makes Chris' cock twitch. And it's a little strange, having another guy's dick in his mouth for the first time, but Chris loves it. He loves even more the fact that it's Dan, that Dan's letting him do this. Even if he doesn't want to reciprocate Chris doesn't mind, because he knows what Dan tastes like now and that's something.
It hardly takes any time at all before Dan's breathing too hard and pushing up against his hands, and Chris barely has time to establish any kind of rhythm before Dan grunts and comes in his mouth. He's surprised to learn that he swallows. He's even more surprised to learn that he doesn't mind.
He uses his tongue to clean up what he missed before he looks up again, and when he sees Dan leaning back with his pants open and his eyes closed he can't help reaching down to rub his dick. He tries not to moan, but he can't quite swallow the sound and when Dan hears it he opens his eyes. For a second they go wide, like he forgot Chris was kneeling in front of him, still reeling from sucking off another guy for the first time.
Then he looks down at Chris' hand stroking the front of his sweatpants, and Chris can't stand it. He lets go of his dick long enough to push his sweatpants down, stopping when they're halfway down his thighs and taking hold of his erection. He winces at the almost painful pressure; he knows it's only going to take a few strokes before he loses it, but he almost regrets not being able to make it last when he sees Dan watching him.
He finds the rhythm he likes best, hard and rough and almost painful, and he barely gets a dozen strokes in before he's tensing and squeezing his eyes shut, hot liquid hitting his chest and stomach. When he stops shaking his hand's still grasping his dick, so he strokes a few more times as he tries to catch his breath. His eyes are still closed and he almost forgets that he's not alone until he hears Dan moving in front of him.
When he feels warm hands on his chest he opens his eyes, just in time to see Dan's head dip down and a warm tongue running down his chest to his stomach. His cock twitches at the sight of Dan cleaning him up, and he's sure the other boy's going to be blushing when he finally looks up again. Dan hesitates when he reaches Chris' cock, so Chris threads a hand through his hair and guides his mouth, groaning low in his throat when Dan's mouth closes around him.
It's awkward and a little sloppy and it doesn't last very long, but when Dan straightens up Chris is already half-hard again. He hauls the other boy forward and presses their mouths together, letting Dan taste both of them before he pulls away and pulls Dan to his feet. They kick off the rest of their clothes before they climb into Chris' bed, but once they're face to face and Chris can see how nervous Dan still is he stops.
"Hey," he whispers, his voice too loud in the silence of the room, "is this okay? I mean..."
Dan nods before he can finish, reaching up with one hand to cover Chris' mouth. "Yeah," he answers, his fingers lingering against Chris' lips, "it's weird. Good, though. I think so, anyway."
Chris laughs against Dan's fingers, part relief and part nerves. It's possible Dan will wake up in the morning and decide this was all a huge mistake, and then Chris will be looking for a new roommate anyway. But it's also possible that he'll wake up and realize how right this feels, and after the week he's had Chris deserves for one thing to go right.
"Let me know when you decide," Chris answers, only half-joking as he leans forward to kiss Dan again. The other boy moans against his mouth and Chris takes that as a good sign. He has all night to convince Dan that they're doing the right thing, after all, and he has a feeling neither of them will get much sleep tonight.
~
ETA: I am just now, after posting, proofreading, wandering off for Chinese food at the place down the street, and answering some comments, noticing the pun in the title of this fic. 'Rush', movie about a fraternity...wow. That is a really, really bad unintentional pun.