FIC: Once Lost, Now Found (1/5) -Nuke BigBang 2011-
Title: Once Lost, Now Found
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: x_serenade
Rating: eventual NC-17
Disclaimer: I own less than nothing.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Noah, Casey, Ali, Reid, assorted Snyders and others
Word Count: 40,574
Warnings: AU. Initial Luke/Reid. Angst. Love. Drama. Sex. Emo-ness. Banter. Frustratingly silly boys.
Spoilers: the whole gosh-darn Nuke story through to the end
Summary: Based on the prompt: What if Luke had met Reid first?
A/N: Thank you to natashaodwalla for the amazing prompt. Thank you to ladysonsie for the encouragement and sexpert advice :) BIG HUGE MAJOR THANKS to BB mods freakykat , frances_veritas , and noelleleithe for running this whole shebang with poise and class and hard work. BIG HUGE MAJOR THANKS to x_serenade for her beautiful art! BIGGEST HUGEST MAJOREST THANKS to all writers and artists who stuck with BigBang and are participating! :)
CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5
At some point he really should learn the names of the people who worked at Java.
Luke smirked at himself as he finished off his second latte. He’d been coming here since high school, for no reason other than the good, only-slightly-overpriced coffee. And it was always the same people. Part of him actually felt guilty that he didn’t know their names.
Who cares what their names are? They’re doing their job, you’re doing yours, and your job isn’t to be their friend, he heard a voice say. His father’s or his boyfriend’s? He wasn’t totally sure. He shook his head a little, turned back to his latte and his notes.
He had to go over these proposals for the new hospital wing by... last week, actually. But Dr. Hughes hadn’t stopped by or called Luke to remind him yet, so he figured it was okay to be late. Besides, Luke was pretty much the boss, wasn’t he?
He sighed. No. He wasn’t the boss. His money was the boss. It wasn’t him driving this project, it was his funding.
It wasn’t his passion.
He almost sighed again. That was still a statement he had yet to say out loud, mostly out of fear. He was scared of admitting to the world that he was-
No. No. This was silly. Luke was an adult, not some naïve kid. Just because he felt a little lost right now, well, that was normal. Right? So what, he wasn’t excited about his job. So sometimes it felt like his life was ruled by family drama, bank accounts, and making sure Reid was happy with his job and not getting fired or punched on a given day.
So what if the baristas behind the counter at Java looked more excited about their day than he did.
You’re not happy? Do something about it. No need to figure out whose voice that was. It seemed like whenever he got introspective these days, his brain was able to conjure the perfect Holden-Snyder-lecture tone to nag him.
It’s not that easy, he grumbled back, the same argument he always gave, to both his brain and his dad. It wasn’t that easy. Nothing was. Ever. Holden wanted Luke to be that kid he used to be, the one who believed everything was possible and fought every fight and pursued every silly dream he had.
But then, there were probably a lot of things Holden wanted for Luke that just weren’t going to happen.
“Dude! You have your emo face on.”
He looked up with something that was half-sheepish grin, half-glare. “Shut up.”
Casey plopped down into the seat across from him, completely unrepentant. “Uh-oh, what happened now? Did one of your six trust funds dry up? You lost out on the Nobel Peace Prize? All the hair care products in the world suddenly disappear?”
“God, why are we friends?” Luke asked with a whine, sliding over the mug of coffee he’d already ordered for Casey.
“Because I’m your link to the mean streets of Oakdale you used to play in,” Casey didn’t miss a beat, even between gulps of the dark, sugar-free drink. “The masses. The little people. The common man. The salt of the-”
“Casey,” he whined again.
Casey grinned, no apology in his eyes. “Sorry.” He pulled out one of his text books and flipped it open to a marked spot. “So how’s it going in White Collar World today?”
Luke shrugged. “Same as always, of course. My eyes are glazing over just thinking about it. How’s class?”
Casey regarded him overly-serious. “Did you know there’s more to being a lawyer than just saying ‘I object!’ all the time?” At Luke’s eye-rolling, he nodded emphatically. “I know. It surprised me too. But there is. There’s, like, all these laws and shit to learn.”
Luke smiled softly at the thinly-disguised panic he heard in the words. “You’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see,” was all he said back. “But anyway, tonight. You. Me. Ali. Metro. You down?”
Luke considered it for maybe a total of three seconds. “Sure. Special occasion, or...?”
“Do I need a special occasion to hang out with my girl and my best friend?” Casey fluttered his eyelashes.
“And how are things with your girl?” he asked knowingly.
The fluttering continued, though Casey’s face got just a little bit more frozen. “Fine. Why do you ask?”
Because things have never been ‘fine’ with you two, Luke wanted to say. As the days went on, it was pretty clear to Luke that Casey and Ali just weren’t right for each other. Two wonderful people in their own right, just... just not together.
But he didn’t say any of this, of course. Instead he just set down his latte, fixing Casey with a skeptical look. Casey grinned again. “Okay, you got me. Ali and I got a new neighbor yesterday, and we want to take him out, show him the town.”
“New neighbor?” Luke repeated. “Who?”
“A guy, our age,” Casey drained the last of his drink. “He’s working some for my dad, too. Kinda quiet, but cool. Really funny, once you get him talking. So, you coming out?” Then he smirked. “So to speak.”
“Sure,” he shrugged. “Got nothing better to do.”
And Casey was back to fluttering. “Oh baby, I love your sweet talk. Stop it, I’m blushing.” He dodged Luke’s hand when it tried to smack him. “Will your boyfriend be joining us?”
Luke ignored the tone Casey used on that word, shook his head. “He’s working till late tonight, I think. He probably wouldn’t want to go with us afterwards anyway.”
“Good,” Casey’s eyes were sparkling now. “You know, our new buddy is gay. Maybe you two could talk tonight, get to know each other-”
“Case,” Luke narrowed his eyes just a little, warning in his tone. He loved his friend, but he was getting a little sick of Casey disapproving of Reid, of trying to casually and not-so-casually introduce Luke to every gay guy their age within a ten mile radius.
“I’m just saying,” Casey held up his hands, eyes wide and Disney-innocent. “I may be a red-blooded heterosexual, but he’s pretty hot. Ali even agrees with me. And you know if we agree on something, it must be true.”
And he couldn’t help it. He cracked a smile at that, relaxing again. “Too bad I’m spoken for.”
It was Casey’s turn to fix him with a stare. “I will refrain- for today- from pointing out I still don’t see why you’re spoken for with that particular speaker, but know this-" he pointed. "It’s there. In my brain.”
Luke stared hard in return. “You have a brain?”
“Dude,” Casey groaned. “Too easy. I expect better from a CEO such as yourself.”
“Shut up, Rainmaker. Go back to studying.” They play-glared at each other for a second before both of them turned back to their respective drinks and paperwork. Luke idly marveled that their lives had come to this.
***
“Knock knock,” Luke announced instead of actually knocking, letting himself into his boyfriend’s office.
Reid looked up from a pile of paperwork, distraction leaving half a frown on his face. “That’s how you enter someone else’s office?”
“You only got this office because of me,” Luke pointed out, sitting down in the chair across from him.
“It’s my name on the door,” Reid replied.
“It’s my money on the contract,” Luke threw back.
“Aren’t sugar daddies supposed to be the older one in the relationship?” Reid opined, possibly only half-kidding. (Luke couldn’t always tell.)
“Aren’t boyfriends supposed to kiss hello before they get to arguing?” Luke asked, leaning closer over the desk.
He smiled now, finally, craning his neck to brush a quick kiss across Luke’s mouth before going back to paperwork. Luke briefly thought about pulling him in again for another- real- kiss, but sat back instead, studying the man in front of him.
They hadn’t hit it off right away. In fact, Luke had been pretty much morally opposed to Reid’s presence all together. The only reason he was in Oakdale was because Damian had convinced him to, to help deal with Paul Ryan’s... microchip... whatever... thing. Luke didn’t know all the details. Or want to know.
Reid hadn’t wanted to come to this town. He still didn’t want to be here, Luke knew. But somehow Damian had made it possible (again, Luke didn’t want to know the ‘how’ details of that.). And somehow, despite pretty much hating each other in the beginning, Luke and Reid found some common bond.
Maybe it was their stubbornness, maybe it was their mutual love of snark, maybe it was Reid’s obvious social problems and Luke’s obvious need to be needed... but they connected somehow. And now Luke was in his first adult relationship. (His time with Reg had just been young love, stupid kid stuff. Really, really stupid as it turned out.)
The only thing was...
Luke sighed internally. He had a big family. He’d seen adult relationships before- his mom and Holden came to mind, Jack and Carly, Brad and Katie when they were together. And all those relationships looked different than how he felt. The highs seemed higher and the lows seemed lower. Was Luke doing something wrong?
It wasn’t that they had a bad relationship, by any means. Luke was pretty sure he could see himself loving Reid at some point. And in his own way, Reid showed that he cared for Luke just as much. It was just- Luke had always assumed that being in love was supposed to feel like fire. Maybe it was still his immature, hopeless romantic side talking, but Luke thought being in love was supposed to ignite something in him. Make him want to- cheesy as it sounded, cheesy enough that Luke would never ever admit it to anyone ever- reach for the stars.
But Reid was a realist. And maybe that was good for Luke. Maybe he just needed someone to make him be a grownup, not a dreamer. Not a kid. Even though, too often, Luke still felt like a kid compared to everyone else in his life.
He watched Reid move on to his next pile of paperwork. Whenever Reid wanted to push Luke’s buttons, he brought up Luke’s age and supposed immaturity. It was to the point now where Luke found himself backing down in arguments more and more, just so he wouldn’t be seen as a brat.
He wondered if that was part of the problem right there. Luke just wasn’t inspired- by himself, by anything- to make things better.
Reid cleared his throat, sounding so official, looking up at him over his desk. “Have you thought anymore about what we discussed last night?”
Luke’s musings stopped cold. For some reason, he’d hoped Reid wouldn’t bring it up. “Yeah,” he lied.
Reid raised one eyebrow. “And?”
And now he was honest. “I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want to move to Dallas.”
Reid did that little shoulder movement he always did when he wanted to sigh. “You know that doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe,” Luke shrugged, not wanting to seem irrational (immature). “But I want to stay close to my family. Especially right now, with my dad and Damian and everything going on.”
“There’s always an ‘everything’ going on, Luke. You’re too good for this place,” Reid waved a hand around. “And I think you know it too. If you want to be something better like you always say, how are you going to do it in this backwards little town?”
Luke stared at him, bristling a little at the insult to Oakdale. It was his home, and no matter how many times he complained about it, he still didn’t like hearing outsiders say bad things about it. (So you still think of Reid as an outsider? Interesting. Shut up, Self.)
“Just moving to a different place isn’t going to change what’s wrong with me,” he ended up mumbling, looking away.
Reid snorted. “What’s so wrong with you? Don’t you ever think maybe you’re just finally becoming like the rest of us here in the real world?” He took another look at Luke and softened somewhat. As much as he could. “Luke. You’re exceptionally intelligent and talented. And passionate. I don’t like seeing this place and these people holding you back.”
Luke felt himself soften too, in a way. Reid meant well, he always did. “My family is an important part of me. Not a part holding me back,” he tried to explain.
And just like always, his boyfriend’s eyes shuttered still again. “Are you sure it’s not that here you may be going nowhere, but at least you’re not a nobody like you would be in a big city?”
It always came back to Luke being spoiled. “I don’t know,” he forced himself to say. Arguing back now would just look like whining. He wasn’t a child. “I’m going to head to Grimaldi. I’m meeting Casey and Ali at Metro tonight, you can join us if you want.”
Reid made a noncommittal noise. “You coming to my place afterwards?”
“Sure,” Luke sighed the word out. Another kiss, Reid’s focus already turning back to his work, and Luke walked out the door. Days like this, where he let the emo infect his brain, always left him so unsettled. Reminded him that maybe there were no quick fixes or easy answers. Luke hated that feeling.
He ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a frustrated breath, so distracted by his thoughts that he was barely paying attention as he went around a corner. And so he barely kept from slamming full-body into someone heading in the opposite direction.
“Whoa!” he yelped, instinctively reaching out to keep his balance. He ended up grabbing the arm of the guy, who just as instinctively reached up to steady him. “Jeez, walk much?”
“Not enough, I guess,” a deep voice answered. It was a nice voice, but the fact that it wasn’t nearly as upset as Luke just pissed him off more.
“Clearly,” he halfway snapped. “Maybe you could look where you’re going next ti- oh.” He finally looked up (and up and up) to see who nearly ran him over, and was quieted for a second. A guy. Very much a guy. Very much a hot guy with a gorgeous-
No. No. Boyfriend, Luke reminded himself. You have a boyfriend. And enough drama in your life as is.
“Sorry,” the other guy apologized immediately, offering an uncertain smile, letting go of his arm.
Luke forced himself to take a breath. “No, it was probably my fault. I have a tendency to, um, barrel forward.”
The guy laughed a little. “Hey, I insist on taking the blame. I’m an easy target, come on.”
Luke frowned, confused for just a second, before realizing with a start that the stranger’s eyes- while possibly the bluest blue he’d ever seen- were unfocused and vacant, cast only in Luke’s general direction. “Oh shit, God, I’m sorry,” he burst out, a bright red flush no doubt filling his face. How had he missed the folded-up cane in the guy’s hand?
His apology was waved away. “Hey, I said it wasn’t your fault. I’m the blind one, happens to me all the time,” he actually smirked. “I should look where I’m going next time, right?”
It was a nice look on him. Luke felt himself relaxing a little. “So you run guilt trips on unsuspecting people a lot, do you?” he couldn’t stop himself from snarking.
“Like ninety percent of the time, yeah,” the guy didn’t miss a beat.
Luke found himself laughing. “Is this something you do for entertainment?”
Another laugh. He had a really nice laugh, Luke decided. Deep and throaty and just this side of dorky, bursting out of him as though maybe he didn’t use it that often. “Beats listening to TV,” his new friend replied, not at all fazed by Luke’s sarcasm. He reached for his wrist watch then and pressed a button, listening to the series of beeps that followed. “I think I’m running late. Since I can’t get you to feel guilty about barreling into me, can you at least tell me if I’m headed in the right direction? Room 701?”
Luke nodded then silently cursed himself for being stupid. Nodding? Dumbass. “Uh, yeah, it’s up ahead on the left.”
“Left. Got it.” Luke was treated to another brilliant smile. “Thanks for that, at least. But be careful running around corners. The next blind guy might not be so understanding.”
Luke rolled his eyes with another smirk. “I guess I won’t always be this lucky, huh?”
The guy unfurled his cane with a practiced ease. “I wouldn’t count on it,” he had the audacity to wink, shocking another laugh out of Luke, and then he headed off.
Luke watched him go, and it was a good two minutes and three flights of stairs before he realized he’d never gotten a name. What kind of idiot meets an interesting guy and doesn’t even make an introduction? This kind of idiot, apparently.
***
He looked up with a one-part-relieved, two-parts-aggravated smile when Casey and Ali finally made their way into Metro. Only twenty minutes late this time; it was a record. They must’ve had just a minor fight tonight (a “spat,” Casey would clarify) instead of a full-blown one.
Luke waved his hand, catching Casey’s attention. Casey waved back, heading over, while Ali turned back to talk to someone behind them. The new neighbor, he guessed. And then Luke got a good look at the guy, and almost laughed out loud. It was his mystery hot friend from the hospital. Of course. Of course it was. This was Oakdale, after all, Land of Crazy Random Happenstance. He watched as Ali threaded her arm through Hot Guy’s and led him over to the table.
Luke stood up with a nervous smile. And just why the fuck was he nervous? No clue. But his palms were suddenly sweaty enough to need a quick wipe across his jeans. “Hey,” he said when they all got close enough. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hot Guy’s head swivel up in his direction.
“Hey!” Casey slapped him on the back, taking over conversation as he usually did. “Sorry we’re late.” He turned, gestured for Ali and Hot Guy to come closer. Ali pulled the guy forward. “Luke, this is our neighbor I told you about, Noah Mayer. Noah, this is Luke Snyder.”
Luke couldn’t help but really smile, reaching out and shaking the hand that was tentatively stretched in his direction. “Yeah, we’ve met, actually.”
Noah’s head was tilted ever so slightly, listening intently, and then he broke out into his biggest smile yet, eyes crinkling, cheeks almost chipmunking with the motion. Luke just barely kept from staggering at the sight. “I guess you did get lucky again,” Noah said, gripping Luke’s hand a little tighter.
Remembering their parting words, he laughed a little and squeezed back, almost reluctant to let go. “Looks that way.”
“Wait, what?” Casey looked back and forth between them. “Dude, I just saw you like four hours ago! How did you ruin my one cool thing for the night in that time?”
“Casey,” Ali sighed. “Noah is not your Show And Tell toy.”
When that sent them into another spat (a “quibble,” Casey would clarify), Luke kept his focus on Noah. Nice name. Suits him. “Want to sit?”
“Sure,” Noah nodded his head for Luke to lead the way, and after a moment’s hesitation, Luke put his hand on Noah’s forearm, guiding him the last few feet to the table. He watched with admiration as Noah found a chair and sat down smoothly, looking for all the world like he belonged here and came every day. “So I actually get your name this time.”
“Yeah,” Luke chuckled, taking the seat next to him.
Noah smiled in his direction. “Sorry, I should’ve asked before. I was running late though, and I hate being late, my mind wasn’t on-”
“It’s okay,” he broke in. “I was there too, remember? We never really got to the introduction part.”
Noah nodded. “Of course. We were caught up in the banter part.” He propped his elbow up on the table, perching his chin in his hand. “So hi, Luke Snyder. Tell me about yourself.”
He laughed a little again, more out of nerves than anything else. Why was he still nervous? Jesus. He leaned back in his chair. “Hi, Noah Mayer.” He saw with some delight (maybe relief) that Noah’s expression softened, charmed, at that. “I’ve lived in Oakdale my whole life. My work and my friends and my family are all here. My family, who are loud and big and crazy and terrifyingly loving, by the way.”
Noah was still smiling happily at that. “So what do you do?”
Luke managed not to sigh, some of that good mood dulling. Dull? Good word choice. Shut up, Self. “I work for my biological father’s company, a shipping thing. And I run a charity foundation. Right now we’re working on building a new neurology wing at the hospital.”
Noah’s eyebrows raised. “Wow. Very industrious of you.”
There wasn’t much of an easy way to respond to that, not without opening up the giant can of worms that was his life right now, so instead he turned the attention to Noah. “So what brought you to Oakdale?” he prompted, immediately wanting to wince at how cheesily ‘small talk’ that sounded.
Noah smirked as if he somehow agreed. “A film project. I’m working on one, and some professor from Oakdale University heard about it and wants to co-produce. So we’re going to film it here.”
“And, uh, what do you... how are you involved?” he tried a tactful way of asking.
And failed. Noah laughed anyway. “I’m not directing,” he assured, holding his hands up. “I don’t think Sundance is ready for that yet.” He took a breath. “I’m strictly behind the scenes. Producing, writing, whatever else I can.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Luke immediately tried to squash that leap in his stomach that happened whenever anyone mentioned writing. “What’s it about?”
And at this, Noah ducked his head a little. It was the first time Luke had seen him look bashful at all. “It’s a... keep in mind, I’m a film geek, okay? Most times, the older the movie, the better.”
It was Luke’s turn to laugh. “I’m the same way about books,” he found himself admitting.
“Good,” Noah nodded, relieved, looking up again. “It’s a love story. An old-fashioned one, like... like something Bogey and Bacall would star in.” He shrugged. “I like to pretend, at least.”
Luke pretended to know who those people were. “So, like, two strangers meet, there’s an immediate connection-”
“-But they don’t know what that connection is at first,” Noah added in.
“And circumstances try to keep them apart...” Luke built on that.
Noah was really smiling now. “But fate and true love and all that are stronger than any circumstance.”
“And they all live happily ever after?” he asked, a little wistful.
“The end,” Noah nodded, confirming. “Roll credits.”
“You wrote it?” Luke asked, trying to keep that desperation (jealousy?) out of his voice.
Noah nodded. “I, well, before this?” he waved his hand briefly at his eyes. “I was going to be a director.” He said it so firmly, like there was no other option. Luke wanted to smile at that retained optimism. He wished he still felt that way. “But after, writing and development is pretty much all I can do.” He shrugged, adding as an afterthought, “All I’m trusted to do.”
“How long have you been...?” Luke trailed off, unable to say the word. Like ‘blind’ was suddenly a dirty word.
“Three years,” he answered amiably enough. “There was an accident. When I was eighteen.” There was a moment’s pause, filled up by some huge untold story, Luke could tell. But Noah just shrugged to himself and continued on. “I couldn’t exactly study directing and production in college, but I found other ways to, you know, stay involved.”
“And now you’re working on your own film,” Luke added helpfully. Not at all contributing his own life story. Because it was depressing enough in his head.
“Well,” Noah laughed. “Sort of. I mean, yeah, working on it. But to pay rent? Even blind guys can answer phones and stuff. Mr. Hughes has been really great about-”
“Dude, we’ve talked about this,” Casey broke in, dropping into the seat next to Noah and messily throwing an arm around his shoulders. “We’re not on a military base. You can call him Tom and the world won’t end. I promise.”
“Really? You promise?” Noah deadpanned, completely straight-faced.
Casey laughed and stood up again, pointing to both of them. “I’m getting the drinks. Don’t move.”
Luke watched him go, then turned back to Noah. “Military base?”
“Yeah,” Noah’s face twisted just a little. “I was an Army brat growing up. I think some old habits die hard.”
Luke nodded, then remembered nodding was stupid. Oops. “Okay.” It was obviously another of those ‘long stories,’ so Luke tried to steer the conversation back some. “Have you always been a writer too?”
Noah looked startled for a moment, as though surprised Luke could be that interested. “No, not really. I mean, I have written stuff, but what emo teenage loner kid hasn’t, you know?”
“I really do know,” Luke murmured before he could stop himself. Noah half-frowned in confusion, half-smiled in commiseration. It was a decidedly adorable expression, and Luke had to put an end to it. “I used to- used to want to be a writer.”
There was that pause again, only this time it was Luke with the giant untold story. And, somehow, Noah sensed it. He offered up another smile that was gentle and knowing and unknowing, too. “I used to want to be a director,” he replied, his voice shrugging as his shoulders stayed still.
Luke smiled at the tact. Not many people used that around him anymore. “Yeah.”
Noah bit at his lip, rolling it between his teeth for a second, thinking about something. “Well, since you love writing-”
“I never said I loved-”
“You kinda did,” Noah talked over him, smiling again. “Since you have writing experience,” he re-phrased politely, “and you’re pretty much the only other person I know in town besides those two,” he nodded his head towards Alison and Casey, “maybe I could bounce some ideas off you some time?” He paused a little randomly between words, as though asking someone to hang out with him was an unfamiliar experience.
“I really don’t think you need my expertise,” Luke laughed, part of him feeling a little ashamed (why? it wasn't like he had anything to offer), another part feeling that stir of excitement in his stomach again.
“Maybe I want it anyway,” Noah countered. He looked a little tense still, like he was unsure if Luke even wanted to-
Well, Luke did. “I’d like to,” he assured. “Really. I mean,” he cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to not sound awkward all the time around this guy. “It sounds like fun.”
Noah’s face lit up into that smile again. Luke couldn’t help but stare, and found it kinda unfair that Noah had no idea how amazing he looked right now. “Great!”
“Yeah,” Luke found himself returning the smile. “I pretty much make my own schedule, so I’m free a lot.”
“Great,” Noah said again, softer this time. Still smiling.
“What’s great?” Casey plopped himself down into the seat next to Luke, sliding a soda over to him and a bottle over in front of Noah. “Bottle’s at twelve o’clock.”
Noah nodded his thanks, hand carefully reach out straight until his fingers brushed the bottle, then he pulled it towards him confidently. “Luke’s going to help me with my movie.”
“Really?” Casey’s eyes widened dramatically, and he looked back and forth between them. “The writer taking up his proverbial pen once more?”
“Casey, don’t use 4-syllable words, you know it just makes your head hurt,” Alison sighed as she sat down next to Noah. “That is great, though,” she turned to Luke and Noah, smiling. “It’d be nice to see you actually have some fun again, Luke.”
He frowned at her warningly, noticing Noah’s expression turn curious, uncertain. “Thanks. Is it time to talk about something other than me yet?”
Casey rolled his eyes, letting out a shocked gasp that may have been more for Noah’s benefit than anyone else’s. “Let the record show, this statement was actually said by Luke Snyder at this time and date. Hereto for-”
“Shut up,” Luke and Ali cut him off at the same time, Noah just shaking his head and grinning.
***
“You’re telling me you can’t run your foundation from Texas?” Reid quirked an eyebrow in that way that absolutely shouted his disbelief.
“I’m telling you I can, but I can do it better from here. And I can’t work Grimaldi Shipping from Dallas, and I can’t help take care of my brother and sisters from Dallas, and the only reason Dallas is on the table is because you want to go there for you.” He shrugged. “I’m just extra luggage you want to bring along.”
Reid rolled his eyes. “I do want to bring you along. For both of us. We’re in a relationship, Luke, not a business deal.” Quieter, “You’re not just luggage.”
Luke was saved from responding to that by another voice calling his name hesitantly. He turned, and was surprised to see Noah standing a ridiculously respectful distance away, head cocked in his direction. “Luke? Is that you?”
He wouldn’t admit to breathing a sigh of relief, but it was there. “Noah, hi.” He waited while Noah walked closer and then held his hand out, touching Noah’s arm lightly to let him know when he was close enough. (He’d seen Ali do the same thing at Metro.)
“Who’s your friend?” Reid asked, eyeing Noah with one of those crazy unreadable expressions Luke still couldn’t decipher.
“Oh, um,” he quickly dropped his hand from Noah’s arm. “Noah Mayer, he’s Casey and Alison’s new neighbor. Noah, this is Reid Oliver, my boyfriend.”
“Your-” Noah recovered so quickly from that that Luke wasn’t sure what he’d even been recovering from. “Hi, Dr. Oliver.” He stuck out his hand just a little, just this side of tentative, like he had the other night with Luke.
“Mr. Mayer,” Reid’s voice was friendly enough, as was his handshake. Luke found himself letting out the breath he’d been holding (why, he had no idea) and blinked peaceably at the searching expression on Reid’s face.
“Are you here for another checkup?” Luke asked, studying Noah on his own now, smiling a little at the fact that he was- again- wearing a tshirt under a short sleeved plaid shirt. He noticed Reid notice his smile and quickly tried to school it away.
Oblivious, Noah shook his head with a slight grin of his own. “No, I, uh, I’m here for physical therapy.” He rotated his arm unconsciously. “I kinda fell a few months ago and hurt my shoulder. Still need rehab for it.”
Reid eyed them both. “Nasty fall? Weren’t looking where you were going, huh?”
“Reid!” Luke hissed. Most times he was able to look past it when Reid’s snarking got the best of him, but this wasn’t one of those times. He wasn’t sure why it sounded so much harsher today, but it did.
To his credit, Noah didn’t seem fazed at all. “Well, that kinda goes without saying, doesn’t it?” he grinned. “Though I bet you say a lot of stuff that goes without saying.” It was completely without bite or anger, but just enough strength for Luke to hear the message, Don’t mess with me.
Reid blinked, which was his version of a double-take. “What can I say, it’s a gift. Not all are lucky enough to have it.”
Luke just stared, head going back and forth like a tennis match, while Noah laughed, and again it was light and friendly. “Well then, here’s hoping you never go mute in an accident or something. That would be tragic.”
“I’m a surgeon,” Reid informed him, almost forgetting that Luke was there. “Wouldn’t a better insult be going after my hands or something?”
Noah shrugged. “I somehow get the feeling you cut more people with words than your hands.” It was said with just the right amount of teasing, and before Reid or Luke could respond, Noah added, “And I wasn’t necessarily trying to insult you.” He turned, gently clapping Luke on the shoulder. “I don’t want to be late because of you again, so I better head off. Nice to meet you, Dr. Oliver.”
They both watched him go, Luke once again idly marveling that Noah could look so at ease walking blindly around a new building, a new town. He knew he’d never be like that. He’d never be able to walk comfortably around Dallas like that.
“Your new friend?” Reid turned to him, face still unreadable. Luke nodded, trying to gauge his reaction. Reid nodded back once, twice. “I don't like him.”
Luke wanted to laugh, wanted to tease Reid that he’d finally found someone who didn’t put up with his attitude, wanted to ask how it was Noah seemed to know Reid was a doctor... but all he said was, “Imagine that.”
***
He was trying to pay attention, he really was. But these damn meetings were the same. Every. Single. Week. Luke bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself, forcing his hand not to come up and loosen his tie. He didn’t want to look like a seven year old who’d been forced to dress up for church or something. The problem was, he felt like a twenty-two year old forced to dress up for a shareholders meeting for a shipping company he had absolutely no interest in.
Oh, oh, wait a minute. That was actually true.
He rolled his eyes on the inside. (Okay, maybe a little on the outside too. But nobody saw, so he didn’t really care.) He flipped to another blank page in his notebook, pretending to take notes on whatever Damian was saying.
But really, he was writing.
Nothing real, nothing substantial, just little notes and lines that caught his brain. Lots of it, he noticed, were circling around fate and circumstances and love stories. He had written down the names ‘Bogey and Bacall’ too, intending to find out who exactly they were.
Still speaking, Damian circled the table, and Luke subtly scrambled to flip to another page in his notebook before Damian could see. Him finding out Luke wasn’t paying attention to the meeting? Bad. Him finding out Luke wasn’t paying attention because he was writing? Worse. Damian’s last lecture on the subject had actually included the phrase ‘flights of fancy,’ which Luke hadn’t even known still existed in reality.
He waited for the man to head back towards the front of the room, then flipped back to his words. Words that were scrambled and went in all and no directions. Messy and possibly pathetic... but possibly not.
Maybe Noah would have some way of understanding what he was trying to write?
Maybe he should call Noah.
***
“Read me that last sentence again,” Noah leaned back on the bench, eyes closed, hands clasped around a cup of coffee.
“Why?” Luke asked, suddenly shy.
“Because I can’t read it myself,” Noah deadpanned back, lips quirking up.
He had nice lips, Luke noticed. He didn’t usually notice that on a guy, but he did now. “Funny. Why do you want to hear it again?”
Noah shrugged, “I liked the sound of it. You made it sound musical.”
Yeah, now he was definitely shy. “I don’t even know what it all means yet. It’s just stuff I wrote down randomly.”
“Hey,” Noah was still smiling, but something about him was serious, focusing on Luke. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it? That you can just put words down on paper instinctively? Plenty of writers would kill for that talent. Man, I know I would.”
“How long did it take you to write this?” he asked, laying his notebook down on his lap so he could flip through the pages of Noah’s script.
“About a year,” Noah admitted. “After my accident, I was a little... I wasn’t very pleasant to be around for awhile.” Luke’s stomach twisted at how sad and ashamed Noah looked for a moment. “I ignored movies, especially my movies, for a long time. Too long.”
Luke knew that feeling. “What changed?” he asked, settling back comfortably in the bench next to him.
Noah turned to his direction, his face lighter than it had been a moment ago. “Nothing. Or, I mean, I don’t know what changed. One day I woke up with these ideas and I had to get them out.” He smiled a little. “Guess I just couldn’t stay away.” He reached out and managed to tap on Luke’s notebook. “You know how that feels, I think.”
“Maybe,” he said softly. And he wondered at the fact that they could share a smile together, without Noah even seeing his face.
“So, this dad,” Noah traced a finger over the Grimaldi Shipping logo on the front of the notebook. His hand was so close to Luke’s thigh, he couldn’t stop himself from staring. “He’s the not-quite-Mafia one, or whatever, right? Not your ‘dad’ dad.”
“Sort of, basically,” Luke vagued up his answer, unsure of how to explain it all. How to explain just how fucked up the Snyder clan had gotten lately. Ever since the insane he’s-dead-no-wait-is-he-yes-he-is-oh-wow-no-he-isn’t drama with Holden a few months ago, it felt like everything was changed forever.
Damian had wormed his way in. They all tried to excuse it, deny it, whatever, but there it was. He was, somehow, a part of the family again. He and Lily were in the middle of some strange on-again-off-again dance, which was all the more complicated by Holden’s return. Coupled with the fact that Luke was still technically working at Grimaldi Shipping, and... yeah, things were tense. For everyone.
It was like, when Holden came back, he was the same Holden he had been. But everything else had become different. Everyone. And Luke still working for Damian probably hurt Holden more than he let on. Things had been strained and awkward between Luke and his dad for awhile now.
And Luke didn’t know how to fix it.
His boyfriend was no help. He encouraged Luke working for Damian because, to him, it made the most sense. And it wasn’t necessarily Reid’s fault there- he just didn’t get ‘family stuff’ and never had. He didn’t see the big deal whether Luke was on good terms with Holden or not. Reid always just kind of shrugged it away; he’d never really had a family, he didn’t understand.
Not that, you know, Luke even understood half the time. And how do you explain all of that to an outsider?
Noah regarded him thoughtfully. “Which one is the one who encourages your writing?”
Luke blinked, confused. “Um, Holden, I guess. He always supported it and still wants me to go back to school for it.” One of the many things they argued about recently. “Why?”
Noah nodded decisively. “Then he’s your ‘dad’ dad.”
Luke laughed at the simplicity of that. “It’s not really that easy. Damian’s been through a lot too, and he’s really trying to be there for my mom right now. I can’t fault him for that.”
“But that’s for your mom,” Noah pointed out. “What about for you?”
He shifted around a little. “He gave me this job. He offered me a different path instead of pushing me to go back to school like everyone else was. It’s just... hard to trust him sometimes, given our history. And I wish he’d treat me more like a son than an heir, if that makes sense.”
“It does,” Noah responded quieter. “My dad used to treat me the same way.”
It was the first time Noah had ever spoken about his family, Luke realized. “How?” he asked tentatively, pretty much dying for Noah to divulge anything about his (in Luke’s mind) mysterious past.
Noah was biting at his lip now, and for a second Luke was sure he wasn’t going to answer. But then, “My mom died when I was really little. I don’t really remember her at all. Most of my childhood was treated like Basic Training. And I lived with the Drill Sergeant.”
“It must’ve been tough for both of you,” he said, proud of his own diplomacy.
But Noah just shrugged. “It wasn’t fun. It’s better now.” He threw a smile on his face then, and no matter how fake it probably was, it was still pretty enough to distract Luke. “I know, I know. So descriptive. I sound like such a writer, don’t I?”
Luke chuckled, recognizing the ploy for what it was, not sure he was ready to let Noah get away that easily. “Where’s your dad now? Nearby?” The only Army base he could think of was just outside of town and had been abandoned for years.
It was possibly the wrong thing to say, but Luke had never been one to censor himself. Noah flinched a little bit, but there was no revealing of secrets after it. “No, he’s a few states away. He won’t be coming here. We’re... he’s not a part of my life anymore.”
His hands shook for a second as he ran them through his hair, and Luke realized something then. For all his snappy answers and easygoing appearance, Noah wasn’t quite as suave and confident as he made himself look. “If him being gone keeps you from looking this sad, then I’m all for it,” he found himself saying. And really- what? Who said shit like that?
Noah’s face slipped into complete shock for a second before he grinned wide. “Just like I’m all for you quitting that boring executive job and doing something you actually like?”
“What?” It was Luke’s turn to be thrown off kilter. And he most definitely was, almost wanting to grab the bench for balance in case he started to fall.
Noah tilted his head slightly, and Luke felt as if he was being studied even without being seen. “Everything you’ve said to describe that job and Damian, you’re making it sound like such a barrel of laughs. None of what you said sounds like fun, and you weren’t exactly using a lot of enthusiasm.”
“So?” He couldn’t but be just a little bit petulant at that.
“So,” Noah echoed. “What do you do that you actually like? That’s what I want to hear about next. We’ll start with writing and go from there.” He nodded towards Luke as though giving him permission to start.
And once again, Noah startled a laugh out of Luke. He thought about protesting or starting with something self-deprecating to get out of it, but he stopped. Noah actually looked interested in what he had to say. And really- himself and writing? Two of his favorite things to talk about.
He took up a comfortable position on the bench again, and began. The smile on his face felt bigger than it had in months.
***
“So how are you liking Oakdale so far, Noah?” Emma asked as she cleared the nearly-emtpy basket of rolls from the table.
Noah hurriedly swallowed down the sip of iced tea he’d had in his mouth. “Um, I really like it, ma’am,” he smiled, just this side of nervous. He didn’t set the glass down, keeping it in his grip instead. Luke realized then that Noah always tried to have something in his hands. He was a pretty tactile person.
Luke found he suddenly needed a drink too.
“Not too small town for you?” Jack joked, taking a pile of dirty dishes from the kids and carrying them over to the sink.
“Not at all,” his smile was more genuine now. “I moved around a lot as a kid, never really got to do the whole ‘neighborhood’ thing, or family dinners or stuff like that. It’s... I like it.”
It was actually probably a good thing that Noah couldn’t see the adoring looks on Emma and Carly’s faces. Luke had no doubt he’d be blushing to high heaven if he could, or running out the door. Part of Luke wanted to rescue him from the attention, but the other half was too busy enjoying his embarrassment.
“And you like working with Tom Hughes?” Holden asked from where he sat re-tying Ethan’s shoelaces. Ethan, who was bouncing a little in his seat, still eyeing Noah with pure curiosity. “It sounds like a bit of a departure for you.”
Luke bristled, frowning. He couldn’t help it. “I’m sure Noah’s doing what’s right for him,” he tried to say evenly. The twitch of Holden’s face told him he wasn’t exactly successful.
“Let’s hope,” he heard him murmur.
Noah obviously heard it too, and before Luke could open his mouth to be, well, uneven, he touched Luke’s arm gently. Restraining without being restricting. How did he do that? “It’s what pays my bills right now, so it’s fine. And Mr. Hughes-”
“Tom,” Luke corrected, remembering Casey’s teasing. Breaking some of his own tension.
Noah narrowed his eyes mockingly for a second. “Tom,” he repeated exaggeratedly, earning a snort of laughter from Faith nearby. “Is really great.” He nodded back to Holden, his composure and that ‘I’ve-got-it-all-together’ appearance back in place. “It won’t be forever.”
Holden nodded too, smiling at Noah’s determination. Luke squashed down any bitterness that that brought up in him. “That’s good to hear. It sounds like you need to be out there making films at some point.”
Noah blushed. “At some point, maybe.” He cleared his throat, squeezing Luke’s arm. Luke realized he’d never let go earlier. “You said something about stories you wrote?”
“Oh, yeah,” Luke smiled involuntarily. “They’re upstairs, come with me.” He turned to his grandmother as she studied them with a smile. “We’ll be upstairs, Grandma.”
She hesitated for less than a second- just enough time for Luke to ready an argument about how just because they were gay didn’t mean they were going upstairs to fool around, and hey, he had a boyfriend anyway, remember?- but then smiled again. “Just make sure you let me know before you leave, Noah. I’ve got some leftovers you can take back with you.”
Noah blushed and smiled wider. “Oh, you don’t need to do that, I-”
“Noah Mayer, how much do you weigh?” she talked over him.
He was startled by the question, while Luke and the other Snyder men in the kitchen looked on with amused expectancy. “Um, I- I don’t-”
“Too skinny,” she answered for herself. “Do you eat properly in that apartment by yourself? Maybe you should come over here once a week, just so I can be sure you’re taking care of-”
“Grandma, you’ve scared him enough for one day,” Luke couldn’t stop laughing now, especially at the look of confused mortification on Noah’s face. “Maybe, if Noah’s not busy, I’ll convince him to come to dinner next week, is that okay with everyone?”
“Yeah!” Ethan was the first to agree, excited for his new playmate. The first twenty minutes Noah had been here, he had sat with Ethan and patiently listened to childish chatter, even answered questions about being blind. Ethan was quite possibly in love.
Emma pretended to stay stern. “That sounds just fine with me, honey. Noah? Would you like to come to dinner next week?”
Noah was still more than a little confused (which was to be expected, nobody got used to the Snyders on their first day), but his smile was genuine and happy. “Yes ma’am.”
“Good,” she nodded, shooing Luke away with her hand. “Now git.”
Luke was still laughing when he led Noah into his old room, rooting around the desk for his notebook. “Sorry about that, Grandma loves to be a mother hen.” He glanced at Noah, “There’s a chair at two o’clock from where you’re facing, if you want to sit down.” He’d seen Ali and Casey use the clock directions a few times.
Noah’s face lit up with grateful surprise. “Thanks,” he took a few cautious steps until his cane found the chair, then sat down gracefully. “And you don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind, really.”
“Noah,” Luke sighed, “I know you’re, like, unfailingly polite, but you don’t have to humor my crazy relatives.”
“No, I’m serious,” Noah insisted. “This is... wow, this is gonna sound pathetic, but it’s true- this is really the first time since my accident that people don’t treat me like I’m blind. Or fragile. Or like they need to whisper the word ‘gay’ around me.”
Luke sat on the edge of his bed- man, when was the last time he slept here?- and faced Noah. “Has that been an issue?”
“Being a blind gay guy? You come across too many people who aren’t sure which thing is the disability,” Noah said. “When I was still in the hospital after the accident, I didn’t have any family there, you know? So these volunteers, church ladies and pastors and whoever, would come to my room and-” He smirked over at Luke. “They never managed to convert me, though.”
“Do you get to...” Luke tried that little thing called tact. “Dating must be pretty hard.”
Noah laughed freely at that. “Understatement, Shakespeare. Don’t make faces,” he added, just as Luke was about to stick his tongue out. Then he sobered a little, shrugging one shoulder. “Since the accident? I’ve been on a couple dates. One sort-of relationship that just got too much for him. It’s hard for people, not knowing how to, I don’t know, take care of me.”
Luke snorted, he couldn’t help it. “Oh please. They don’t realize you take care of yourself?”
Noah looked up again, surprised. “No,” he said softly. Grateful again. “No one’s really figured that out yet, I guess.”
Sensing he didn’t want the attention on him right now, Luke nudged his shoulder. “And hey, don’t feel bad. Besides Reid? I’ve had one other relationship in my entire life, and he died of a drug overdose four months after we broke up. Okay, two relationships if you count the fake one I had with my female cousin to hide from everyone that I was gay.”
It was pretty straightforward to him, but Noah stared like he could actually see Luke, and Luke had two heads. “Why do you need to make up stories? Seems like you’ve got enough to draw from already.”
“Shut up,” Luke smacked his shoulder good-naturedly with the notebook he’d been holding. “And here.”
Noah’s face lit up, and Luke wondered secretly if he’d ever get used to the sight of it. “Your stories?”
“Yeah,” Luke felt okay blushing, knowing Noah couldn’t see it. “Some of it’s pretty rough, though. Dates back to just after high school, my friend Maddie and I- you’d totally like her, by the way- we wrote this webseries together. And some stuff I wrote in college, before I... left.”
“Great. Can I... can I hold onto these for a little while?” Noah smiled up at him.
“What for? You can’t read them,” Luke asked without thinking.
Noah rolled his eyes. “I have a scanner. I can get them on my laptop and my software will read it out loud to me. I’m not-”
“Sorry, I know,” Luke interrupted, placating. “You’re gonna have to remember, I speak before I think things through half the time.” Once Noah was relaxed again, he tried a different tactic. “So, you’re gonna read my stories. Any chance I’ll get to watch your movies?”
“No,” Noah said shortly, some of his good mood gone. “You won’t.”
“Why not?”
Noah grimaced. “I haven’t... I was making a film when the accident happened. Never got to finish it. I just, I can’t. I had to let it go.”
He looked so sad, defeated at that, and Luke couldn’t stand it. He reached out, put his hand over Noah’s. It was completely innocent- it was- and because he was offering comfort Luke ignored the tiny pinpricks and sparks he felt connect his skin to Noah’s. “Maybe someday.”
Noah shook his head, but didn’t pull his hand away. “I’m making a new one now. Moving on. I have to. And that’s why you should be writing again.”
Luke grinned at how Noah always tried to steer the conversation back to that. “And why is that?”
Noah somehow gave him a pointed look. “It’s a saying one of my old doctors used to tell me- The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” He squeezed Luke’s hand. “You need to find your vision again.”
CONTINUE ON TO CHAPTER 2
Author: carolinablu85
Artist: x_serenade
Rating: eventual NC-17
Disclaimer: I own less than nothing.
Characters/Pairings: Luke/Noah, Casey, Ali, Reid, assorted Snyders and others
Word Count: 40,574
Warnings: AU. Initial Luke/Reid. Angst. Love. Drama. Sex. Emo-ness. Banter. Frustratingly silly boys.
Spoilers: the whole gosh-darn Nuke story through to the end
Summary: Based on the prompt: What if Luke had met Reid first?
A/N: Thank you to natashaodwalla for the amazing prompt. Thank you to ladysonsie for the encouragement and sexpert advice :) BIG HUGE MAJOR THANKS to BB mods freakykat , frances_veritas , and noelleleithe for running this whole shebang with poise and class and hard work. BIG HUGE MAJOR THANKS to x_serenade for her beautiful art! BIGGEST HUGEST MAJOREST THANKS to all writers and artists who stuck with BigBang and are participating! :)
CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5
At some point he really should learn the names of the people who worked at Java.
Luke smirked at himself as he finished off his second latte. He’d been coming here since high school, for no reason other than the good, only-slightly-overpriced coffee. And it was always the same people. Part of him actually felt guilty that he didn’t know their names.
Who cares what their names are? They’re doing their job, you’re doing yours, and your job isn’t to be their friend, he heard a voice say. His father’s or his boyfriend’s? He wasn’t totally sure. He shook his head a little, turned back to his latte and his notes.
He had to go over these proposals for the new hospital wing by... last week, actually. But Dr. Hughes hadn’t stopped by or called Luke to remind him yet, so he figured it was okay to be late. Besides, Luke was pretty much the boss, wasn’t he?
He sighed. No. He wasn’t the boss. His money was the boss. It wasn’t him driving this project, it was his funding.
It wasn’t his passion.
He almost sighed again. That was still a statement he had yet to say out loud, mostly out of fear. He was scared of admitting to the world that he was-
No. No. This was silly. Luke was an adult, not some naïve kid. Just because he felt a little lost right now, well, that was normal. Right? So what, he wasn’t excited about his job. So sometimes it felt like his life was ruled by family drama, bank accounts, and making sure Reid was happy with his job and not getting fired or punched on a given day.
So what if the baristas behind the counter at Java looked more excited about their day than he did.
You’re not happy? Do something about it. No need to figure out whose voice that was. It seemed like whenever he got introspective these days, his brain was able to conjure the perfect Holden-Snyder-lecture tone to nag him.
It’s not that easy, he grumbled back, the same argument he always gave, to both his brain and his dad. It wasn’t that easy. Nothing was. Ever. Holden wanted Luke to be that kid he used to be, the one who believed everything was possible and fought every fight and pursued every silly dream he had.
But then, there were probably a lot of things Holden wanted for Luke that just weren’t going to happen.
“Dude! You have your emo face on.”
He looked up with something that was half-sheepish grin, half-glare. “Shut up.”
Casey plopped down into the seat across from him, completely unrepentant. “Uh-oh, what happened now? Did one of your six trust funds dry up? You lost out on the Nobel Peace Prize? All the hair care products in the world suddenly disappear?”
“God, why are we friends?” Luke asked with a whine, sliding over the mug of coffee he’d already ordered for Casey.
“Because I’m your link to the mean streets of Oakdale you used to play in,” Casey didn’t miss a beat, even between gulps of the dark, sugar-free drink. “The masses. The little people. The common man. The salt of the-”
“Casey,” he whined again.
Casey grinned, no apology in his eyes. “Sorry.” He pulled out one of his text books and flipped it open to a marked spot. “So how’s it going in White Collar World today?”
Luke shrugged. “Same as always, of course. My eyes are glazing over just thinking about it. How’s class?”
Casey regarded him overly-serious. “Did you know there’s more to being a lawyer than just saying ‘I object!’ all the time?” At Luke’s eye-rolling, he nodded emphatically. “I know. It surprised me too. But there is. There’s, like, all these laws and shit to learn.”
Luke smiled softly at the thinly-disguised panic he heard in the words. “You’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see,” was all he said back. “But anyway, tonight. You. Me. Ali. Metro. You down?”
Luke considered it for maybe a total of three seconds. “Sure. Special occasion, or...?”
“Do I need a special occasion to hang out with my girl and my best friend?” Casey fluttered his eyelashes.
“And how are things with your girl?” he asked knowingly.
The fluttering continued, though Casey’s face got just a little bit more frozen. “Fine. Why do you ask?”
Because things have never been ‘fine’ with you two, Luke wanted to say. As the days went on, it was pretty clear to Luke that Casey and Ali just weren’t right for each other. Two wonderful people in their own right, just... just not together.
But he didn’t say any of this, of course. Instead he just set down his latte, fixing Casey with a skeptical look. Casey grinned again. “Okay, you got me. Ali and I got a new neighbor yesterday, and we want to take him out, show him the town.”
“New neighbor?” Luke repeated. “Who?”
“A guy, our age,” Casey drained the last of his drink. “He’s working some for my dad, too. Kinda quiet, but cool. Really funny, once you get him talking. So, you coming out?” Then he smirked. “So to speak.”
“Sure,” he shrugged. “Got nothing better to do.”
And Casey was back to fluttering. “Oh baby, I love your sweet talk. Stop it, I’m blushing.” He dodged Luke’s hand when it tried to smack him. “Will your boyfriend be joining us?”
Luke ignored the tone Casey used on that word, shook his head. “He’s working till late tonight, I think. He probably wouldn’t want to go with us afterwards anyway.”
“Good,” Casey’s eyes were sparkling now. “You know, our new buddy is gay. Maybe you two could talk tonight, get to know each other-”
“Case,” Luke narrowed his eyes just a little, warning in his tone. He loved his friend, but he was getting a little sick of Casey disapproving of Reid, of trying to casually and not-so-casually introduce Luke to every gay guy their age within a ten mile radius.
“I’m just saying,” Casey held up his hands, eyes wide and Disney-innocent. “I may be a red-blooded heterosexual, but he’s pretty hot. Ali even agrees with me. And you know if we agree on something, it must be true.”
And he couldn’t help it. He cracked a smile at that, relaxing again. “Too bad I’m spoken for.”
It was Casey’s turn to fix him with a stare. “I will refrain- for today- from pointing out I still don’t see why you’re spoken for with that particular speaker, but know this-" he pointed. "It’s there. In my brain.”
Luke stared hard in return. “You have a brain?”
“Dude,” Casey groaned. “Too easy. I expect better from a CEO such as yourself.”
“Shut up, Rainmaker. Go back to studying.” They play-glared at each other for a second before both of them turned back to their respective drinks and paperwork. Luke idly marveled that their lives had come to this.
***
“Knock knock,” Luke announced instead of actually knocking, letting himself into his boyfriend’s office.
Reid looked up from a pile of paperwork, distraction leaving half a frown on his face. “That’s how you enter someone else’s office?”
“You only got this office because of me,” Luke pointed out, sitting down in the chair across from him.
“It’s my name on the door,” Reid replied.
“It’s my money on the contract,” Luke threw back.
“Aren’t sugar daddies supposed to be the older one in the relationship?” Reid opined, possibly only half-kidding. (Luke couldn’t always tell.)
“Aren’t boyfriends supposed to kiss hello before they get to arguing?” Luke asked, leaning closer over the desk.
He smiled now, finally, craning his neck to brush a quick kiss across Luke’s mouth before going back to paperwork. Luke briefly thought about pulling him in again for another- real- kiss, but sat back instead, studying the man in front of him.
They hadn’t hit it off right away. In fact, Luke had been pretty much morally opposed to Reid’s presence all together. The only reason he was in Oakdale was because Damian had convinced him to, to help deal with Paul Ryan’s... microchip... whatever... thing. Luke didn’t know all the details. Or want to know.
Reid hadn’t wanted to come to this town. He still didn’t want to be here, Luke knew. But somehow Damian had made it possible (again, Luke didn’t want to know the ‘how’ details of that.). And somehow, despite pretty much hating each other in the beginning, Luke and Reid found some common bond.
Maybe it was their stubbornness, maybe it was their mutual love of snark, maybe it was Reid’s obvious social problems and Luke’s obvious need to be needed... but they connected somehow. And now Luke was in his first adult relationship. (His time with Reg had just been young love, stupid kid stuff. Really, really stupid as it turned out.)
The only thing was...
Luke sighed internally. He had a big family. He’d seen adult relationships before- his mom and Holden came to mind, Jack and Carly, Brad and Katie when they were together. And all those relationships looked different than how he felt. The highs seemed higher and the lows seemed lower. Was Luke doing something wrong?
It wasn’t that they had a bad relationship, by any means. Luke was pretty sure he could see himself loving Reid at some point. And in his own way, Reid showed that he cared for Luke just as much. It was just- Luke had always assumed that being in love was supposed to feel like fire. Maybe it was still his immature, hopeless romantic side talking, but Luke thought being in love was supposed to ignite something in him. Make him want to- cheesy as it sounded, cheesy enough that Luke would never ever admit it to anyone ever- reach for the stars.
But Reid was a realist. And maybe that was good for Luke. Maybe he just needed someone to make him be a grownup, not a dreamer. Not a kid. Even though, too often, Luke still felt like a kid compared to everyone else in his life.
He watched Reid move on to his next pile of paperwork. Whenever Reid wanted to push Luke’s buttons, he brought up Luke’s age and supposed immaturity. It was to the point now where Luke found himself backing down in arguments more and more, just so he wouldn’t be seen as a brat.
He wondered if that was part of the problem right there. Luke just wasn’t inspired- by himself, by anything- to make things better.
Reid cleared his throat, sounding so official, looking up at him over his desk. “Have you thought anymore about what we discussed last night?”
Luke’s musings stopped cold. For some reason, he’d hoped Reid wouldn’t bring it up. “Yeah,” he lied.
Reid raised one eyebrow. “And?”
And now he was honest. “I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want to move to Dallas.”
Reid did that little shoulder movement he always did when he wanted to sigh. “You know that doesn’t make sense.”
“Maybe,” Luke shrugged, not wanting to seem irrational (immature). “But I want to stay close to my family. Especially right now, with my dad and Damian and everything going on.”
“There’s always an ‘everything’ going on, Luke. You’re too good for this place,” Reid waved a hand around. “And I think you know it too. If you want to be something better like you always say, how are you going to do it in this backwards little town?”
Luke stared at him, bristling a little at the insult to Oakdale. It was his home, and no matter how many times he complained about it, he still didn’t like hearing outsiders say bad things about it. (So you still think of Reid as an outsider? Interesting. Shut up, Self.)
“Just moving to a different place isn’t going to change what’s wrong with me,” he ended up mumbling, looking away.
Reid snorted. “What’s so wrong with you? Don’t you ever think maybe you’re just finally becoming like the rest of us here in the real world?” He took another look at Luke and softened somewhat. As much as he could. “Luke. You’re exceptionally intelligent and talented. And passionate. I don’t like seeing this place and these people holding you back.”
Luke felt himself soften too, in a way. Reid meant well, he always did. “My family is an important part of me. Not a part holding me back,” he tried to explain.
And just like always, his boyfriend’s eyes shuttered still again. “Are you sure it’s not that here you may be going nowhere, but at least you’re not a nobody like you would be in a big city?”
It always came back to Luke being spoiled. “I don’t know,” he forced himself to say. Arguing back now would just look like whining. He wasn’t a child. “I’m going to head to Grimaldi. I’m meeting Casey and Ali at Metro tonight, you can join us if you want.”
Reid made a noncommittal noise. “You coming to my place afterwards?”
“Sure,” Luke sighed the word out. Another kiss, Reid’s focus already turning back to his work, and Luke walked out the door. Days like this, where he let the emo infect his brain, always left him so unsettled. Reminded him that maybe there were no quick fixes or easy answers. Luke hated that feeling.
He ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a frustrated breath, so distracted by his thoughts that he was barely paying attention as he went around a corner. And so he barely kept from slamming full-body into someone heading in the opposite direction.
“Whoa!” he yelped, instinctively reaching out to keep his balance. He ended up grabbing the arm of the guy, who just as instinctively reached up to steady him. “Jeez, walk much?”
“Not enough, I guess,” a deep voice answered. It was a nice voice, but the fact that it wasn’t nearly as upset as Luke just pissed him off more.
“Clearly,” he halfway snapped. “Maybe you could look where you’re going next ti- oh.” He finally looked up (and up and up) to see who nearly ran him over, and was quieted for a second. A guy. Very much a guy. Very much a hot guy with a gorgeous-
No. No. Boyfriend, Luke reminded himself. You have a boyfriend. And enough drama in your life as is.
“Sorry,” the other guy apologized immediately, offering an uncertain smile, letting go of his arm.
Luke forced himself to take a breath. “No, it was probably my fault. I have a tendency to, um, barrel forward.”
The guy laughed a little. “Hey, I insist on taking the blame. I’m an easy target, come on.”
Luke frowned, confused for just a second, before realizing with a start that the stranger’s eyes- while possibly the bluest blue he’d ever seen- were unfocused and vacant, cast only in Luke’s general direction. “Oh shit, God, I’m sorry,” he burst out, a bright red flush no doubt filling his face. How had he missed the folded-up cane in the guy’s hand?
His apology was waved away. “Hey, I said it wasn’t your fault. I’m the blind one, happens to me all the time,” he actually smirked. “I should look where I’m going next time, right?”
It was a nice look on him. Luke felt himself relaxing a little. “So you run guilt trips on unsuspecting people a lot, do you?” he couldn’t stop himself from snarking.
“Like ninety percent of the time, yeah,” the guy didn’t miss a beat.
Luke found himself laughing. “Is this something you do for entertainment?”
Another laugh. He had a really nice laugh, Luke decided. Deep and throaty and just this side of dorky, bursting out of him as though maybe he didn’t use it that often. “Beats listening to TV,” his new friend replied, not at all fazed by Luke’s sarcasm. He reached for his wrist watch then and pressed a button, listening to the series of beeps that followed. “I think I’m running late. Since I can’t get you to feel guilty about barreling into me, can you at least tell me if I’m headed in the right direction? Room 701?”
Luke nodded then silently cursed himself for being stupid. Nodding? Dumbass. “Uh, yeah, it’s up ahead on the left.”
“Left. Got it.” Luke was treated to another brilliant smile. “Thanks for that, at least. But be careful running around corners. The next blind guy might not be so understanding.”
Luke rolled his eyes with another smirk. “I guess I won’t always be this lucky, huh?”
The guy unfurled his cane with a practiced ease. “I wouldn’t count on it,” he had the audacity to wink, shocking another laugh out of Luke, and then he headed off.
Luke watched him go, and it was a good two minutes and three flights of stairs before he realized he’d never gotten a name. What kind of idiot meets an interesting guy and doesn’t even make an introduction? This kind of idiot, apparently.
***
He looked up with a one-part-relieved, two-parts-aggravated smile when Casey and Ali finally made their way into Metro. Only twenty minutes late this time; it was a record. They must’ve had just a minor fight tonight (a “spat,” Casey would clarify) instead of a full-blown one.
Luke waved his hand, catching Casey’s attention. Casey waved back, heading over, while Ali turned back to talk to someone behind them. The new neighbor, he guessed. And then Luke got a good look at the guy, and almost laughed out loud. It was his mystery hot friend from the hospital. Of course. Of course it was. This was Oakdale, after all, Land of Crazy Random Happenstance. He watched as Ali threaded her arm through Hot Guy’s and led him over to the table.
Luke stood up with a nervous smile. And just why the fuck was he nervous? No clue. But his palms were suddenly sweaty enough to need a quick wipe across his jeans. “Hey,” he said when they all got close enough. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hot Guy’s head swivel up in his direction.
“Hey!” Casey slapped him on the back, taking over conversation as he usually did. “Sorry we’re late.” He turned, gestured for Ali and Hot Guy to come closer. Ali pulled the guy forward. “Luke, this is our neighbor I told you about, Noah Mayer. Noah, this is Luke Snyder.”
Luke couldn’t help but really smile, reaching out and shaking the hand that was tentatively stretched in his direction. “Yeah, we’ve met, actually.”
Noah’s head was tilted ever so slightly, listening intently, and then he broke out into his biggest smile yet, eyes crinkling, cheeks almost chipmunking with the motion. Luke just barely kept from staggering at the sight. “I guess you did get lucky again,” Noah said, gripping Luke’s hand a little tighter.
Remembering their parting words, he laughed a little and squeezed back, almost reluctant to let go. “Looks that way.”
“Wait, what?” Casey looked back and forth between them. “Dude, I just saw you like four hours ago! How did you ruin my one cool thing for the night in that time?”
“Casey,” Ali sighed. “Noah is not your Show And Tell toy.”
When that sent them into another spat (a “quibble,” Casey would clarify), Luke kept his focus on Noah. Nice name. Suits him. “Want to sit?”
“Sure,” Noah nodded his head for Luke to lead the way, and after a moment’s hesitation, Luke put his hand on Noah’s forearm, guiding him the last few feet to the table. He watched with admiration as Noah found a chair and sat down smoothly, looking for all the world like he belonged here and came every day. “So I actually get your name this time.”
“Yeah,” Luke chuckled, taking the seat next to him.
Noah smiled in his direction. “Sorry, I should’ve asked before. I was running late though, and I hate being late, my mind wasn’t on-”
“It’s okay,” he broke in. “I was there too, remember? We never really got to the introduction part.”
Noah nodded. “Of course. We were caught up in the banter part.” He propped his elbow up on the table, perching his chin in his hand. “So hi, Luke Snyder. Tell me about yourself.”
He laughed a little again, more out of nerves than anything else. Why was he still nervous? Jesus. He leaned back in his chair. “Hi, Noah Mayer.” He saw with some delight (maybe relief) that Noah’s expression softened, charmed, at that. “I’ve lived in Oakdale my whole life. My work and my friends and my family are all here. My family, who are loud and big and crazy and terrifyingly loving, by the way.”
Noah was still smiling happily at that. “So what do you do?”
Luke managed not to sigh, some of that good mood dulling. Dull? Good word choice. Shut up, Self. “I work for my biological father’s company, a shipping thing. And I run a charity foundation. Right now we’re working on building a new neurology wing at the hospital.”
Noah’s eyebrows raised. “Wow. Very industrious of you.”
There wasn’t much of an easy way to respond to that, not without opening up the giant can of worms that was his life right now, so instead he turned the attention to Noah. “So what brought you to Oakdale?” he prompted, immediately wanting to wince at how cheesily ‘small talk’ that sounded.
Noah smirked as if he somehow agreed. “A film project. I’m working on one, and some professor from Oakdale University heard about it and wants to co-produce. So we’re going to film it here.”
“And, uh, what do you... how are you involved?” he tried a tactful way of asking.
And failed. Noah laughed anyway. “I’m not directing,” he assured, holding his hands up. “I don’t think Sundance is ready for that yet.” He took a breath. “I’m strictly behind the scenes. Producing, writing, whatever else I can.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Luke immediately tried to squash that leap in his stomach that happened whenever anyone mentioned writing. “What’s it about?”
And at this, Noah ducked his head a little. It was the first time Luke had seen him look bashful at all. “It’s a... keep in mind, I’m a film geek, okay? Most times, the older the movie, the better.”
It was Luke’s turn to laugh. “I’m the same way about books,” he found himself admitting.
“Good,” Noah nodded, relieved, looking up again. “It’s a love story. An old-fashioned one, like... like something Bogey and Bacall would star in.” He shrugged. “I like to pretend, at least.”
Luke pretended to know who those people were. “So, like, two strangers meet, there’s an immediate connection-”
“-But they don’t know what that connection is at first,” Noah added in.
“And circumstances try to keep them apart...” Luke built on that.
Noah was really smiling now. “But fate and true love and all that are stronger than any circumstance.”
“And they all live happily ever after?” he asked, a little wistful.
“The end,” Noah nodded, confirming. “Roll credits.”
“You wrote it?” Luke asked, trying to keep that desperation (jealousy?) out of his voice.
Noah nodded. “I, well, before this?” he waved his hand briefly at his eyes. “I was going to be a director.” He said it so firmly, like there was no other option. Luke wanted to smile at that retained optimism. He wished he still felt that way. “But after, writing and development is pretty much all I can do.” He shrugged, adding as an afterthought, “All I’m trusted to do.”
“How long have you been...?” Luke trailed off, unable to say the word. Like ‘blind’ was suddenly a dirty word.
“Three years,” he answered amiably enough. “There was an accident. When I was eighteen.” There was a moment’s pause, filled up by some huge untold story, Luke could tell. But Noah just shrugged to himself and continued on. “I couldn’t exactly study directing and production in college, but I found other ways to, you know, stay involved.”
“And now you’re working on your own film,” Luke added helpfully. Not at all contributing his own life story. Because it was depressing enough in his head.
“Well,” Noah laughed. “Sort of. I mean, yeah, working on it. But to pay rent? Even blind guys can answer phones and stuff. Mr. Hughes has been really great about-”
“Dude, we’ve talked about this,” Casey broke in, dropping into the seat next to Noah and messily throwing an arm around his shoulders. “We’re not on a military base. You can call him Tom and the world won’t end. I promise.”
“Really? You promise?” Noah deadpanned, completely straight-faced.
Casey laughed and stood up again, pointing to both of them. “I’m getting the drinks. Don’t move.”
Luke watched him go, then turned back to Noah. “Military base?”
“Yeah,” Noah’s face twisted just a little. “I was an Army brat growing up. I think some old habits die hard.”
Luke nodded, then remembered nodding was stupid. Oops. “Okay.” It was obviously another of those ‘long stories,’ so Luke tried to steer the conversation back some. “Have you always been a writer too?”
Noah looked startled for a moment, as though surprised Luke could be that interested. “No, not really. I mean, I have written stuff, but what emo teenage loner kid hasn’t, you know?”
“I really do know,” Luke murmured before he could stop himself. Noah half-frowned in confusion, half-smiled in commiseration. It was a decidedly adorable expression, and Luke had to put an end to it. “I used to- used to want to be a writer.”
There was that pause again, only this time it was Luke with the giant untold story. And, somehow, Noah sensed it. He offered up another smile that was gentle and knowing and unknowing, too. “I used to want to be a director,” he replied, his voice shrugging as his shoulders stayed still.
Luke smiled at the tact. Not many people used that around him anymore. “Yeah.”
Noah bit at his lip, rolling it between his teeth for a second, thinking about something. “Well, since you love writing-”
“I never said I loved-”
“You kinda did,” Noah talked over him, smiling again. “Since you have writing experience,” he re-phrased politely, “and you’re pretty much the only other person I know in town besides those two,” he nodded his head towards Alison and Casey, “maybe I could bounce some ideas off you some time?” He paused a little randomly between words, as though asking someone to hang out with him was an unfamiliar experience.
“I really don’t think you need my expertise,” Luke laughed, part of him feeling a little ashamed (why? it wasn't like he had anything to offer), another part feeling that stir of excitement in his stomach again.
“Maybe I want it anyway,” Noah countered. He looked a little tense still, like he was unsure if Luke even wanted to-
Well, Luke did. “I’d like to,” he assured. “Really. I mean,” he cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to not sound awkward all the time around this guy. “It sounds like fun.”
Noah’s face lit up into that smile again. Luke couldn’t help but stare, and found it kinda unfair that Noah had no idea how amazing he looked right now. “Great!”
“Yeah,” Luke found himself returning the smile. “I pretty much make my own schedule, so I’m free a lot.”
“Great,” Noah said again, softer this time. Still smiling.
“What’s great?” Casey plopped himself down into the seat next to Luke, sliding a soda over to him and a bottle over in front of Noah. “Bottle’s at twelve o’clock.”
Noah nodded his thanks, hand carefully reach out straight until his fingers brushed the bottle, then he pulled it towards him confidently. “Luke’s going to help me with my movie.”
“Really?” Casey’s eyes widened dramatically, and he looked back and forth between them. “The writer taking up his proverbial pen once more?”
“Casey, don’t use 4-syllable words, you know it just makes your head hurt,” Alison sighed as she sat down next to Noah. “That is great, though,” she turned to Luke and Noah, smiling. “It’d be nice to see you actually have some fun again, Luke.”
He frowned at her warningly, noticing Noah’s expression turn curious, uncertain. “Thanks. Is it time to talk about something other than me yet?”
Casey rolled his eyes, letting out a shocked gasp that may have been more for Noah’s benefit than anyone else’s. “Let the record show, this statement was actually said by Luke Snyder at this time and date. Hereto for-”
“Shut up,” Luke and Ali cut him off at the same time, Noah just shaking his head and grinning.
***
“You’re telling me you can’t run your foundation from Texas?” Reid quirked an eyebrow in that way that absolutely shouted his disbelief.
“I’m telling you I can, but I can do it better from here. And I can’t work Grimaldi Shipping from Dallas, and I can’t help take care of my brother and sisters from Dallas, and the only reason Dallas is on the table is because you want to go there for you.” He shrugged. “I’m just extra luggage you want to bring along.”
Reid rolled his eyes. “I do want to bring you along. For both of us. We’re in a relationship, Luke, not a business deal.” Quieter, “You’re not just luggage.”
Luke was saved from responding to that by another voice calling his name hesitantly. He turned, and was surprised to see Noah standing a ridiculously respectful distance away, head cocked in his direction. “Luke? Is that you?”
He wouldn’t admit to breathing a sigh of relief, but it was there. “Noah, hi.” He waited while Noah walked closer and then held his hand out, touching Noah’s arm lightly to let him know when he was close enough. (He’d seen Ali do the same thing at Metro.)
“Who’s your friend?” Reid asked, eyeing Noah with one of those crazy unreadable expressions Luke still couldn’t decipher.
“Oh, um,” he quickly dropped his hand from Noah’s arm. “Noah Mayer, he’s Casey and Alison’s new neighbor. Noah, this is Reid Oliver, my boyfriend.”
“Your-” Noah recovered so quickly from that that Luke wasn’t sure what he’d even been recovering from. “Hi, Dr. Oliver.” He stuck out his hand just a little, just this side of tentative, like he had the other night with Luke.
“Mr. Mayer,” Reid’s voice was friendly enough, as was his handshake. Luke found himself letting out the breath he’d been holding (why, he had no idea) and blinked peaceably at the searching expression on Reid’s face.
“Are you here for another checkup?” Luke asked, studying Noah on his own now, smiling a little at the fact that he was- again- wearing a tshirt under a short sleeved plaid shirt. He noticed Reid notice his smile and quickly tried to school it away.
Oblivious, Noah shook his head with a slight grin of his own. “No, I, uh, I’m here for physical therapy.” He rotated his arm unconsciously. “I kinda fell a few months ago and hurt my shoulder. Still need rehab for it.”
Reid eyed them both. “Nasty fall? Weren’t looking where you were going, huh?”
“Reid!” Luke hissed. Most times he was able to look past it when Reid’s snarking got the best of him, but this wasn’t one of those times. He wasn’t sure why it sounded so much harsher today, but it did.
To his credit, Noah didn’t seem fazed at all. “Well, that kinda goes without saying, doesn’t it?” he grinned. “Though I bet you say a lot of stuff that goes without saying.” It was completely without bite or anger, but just enough strength for Luke to hear the message, Don’t mess with me.
Reid blinked, which was his version of a double-take. “What can I say, it’s a gift. Not all are lucky enough to have it.”
Luke just stared, head going back and forth like a tennis match, while Noah laughed, and again it was light and friendly. “Well then, here’s hoping you never go mute in an accident or something. That would be tragic.”
“I’m a surgeon,” Reid informed him, almost forgetting that Luke was there. “Wouldn’t a better insult be going after my hands or something?”
Noah shrugged. “I somehow get the feeling you cut more people with words than your hands.” It was said with just the right amount of teasing, and before Reid or Luke could respond, Noah added, “And I wasn’t necessarily trying to insult you.” He turned, gently clapping Luke on the shoulder. “I don’t want to be late because of you again, so I better head off. Nice to meet you, Dr. Oliver.”
They both watched him go, Luke once again idly marveling that Noah could look so at ease walking blindly around a new building, a new town. He knew he’d never be like that. He’d never be able to walk comfortably around Dallas like that.
“Your new friend?” Reid turned to him, face still unreadable. Luke nodded, trying to gauge his reaction. Reid nodded back once, twice. “I don't like him.”
Luke wanted to laugh, wanted to tease Reid that he’d finally found someone who didn’t put up with his attitude, wanted to ask how it was Noah seemed to know Reid was a doctor... but all he said was, “Imagine that.”
***
He was trying to pay attention, he really was. But these damn meetings were the same. Every. Single. Week. Luke bit the inside of his cheek to distract himself, forcing his hand not to come up and loosen his tie. He didn’t want to look like a seven year old who’d been forced to dress up for church or something. The problem was, he felt like a twenty-two year old forced to dress up for a shareholders meeting for a shipping company he had absolutely no interest in.
Oh, oh, wait a minute. That was actually true.
He rolled his eyes on the inside. (Okay, maybe a little on the outside too. But nobody saw, so he didn’t really care.) He flipped to another blank page in his notebook, pretending to take notes on whatever Damian was saying.
But really, he was writing.
Nothing real, nothing substantial, just little notes and lines that caught his brain. Lots of it, he noticed, were circling around fate and circumstances and love stories. He had written down the names ‘Bogey and Bacall’ too, intending to find out who exactly they were.
Still speaking, Damian circled the table, and Luke subtly scrambled to flip to another page in his notebook before Damian could see. Him finding out Luke wasn’t paying attention to the meeting? Bad. Him finding out Luke wasn’t paying attention because he was writing? Worse. Damian’s last lecture on the subject had actually included the phrase ‘flights of fancy,’ which Luke hadn’t even known still existed in reality.
He waited for the man to head back towards the front of the room, then flipped back to his words. Words that were scrambled and went in all and no directions. Messy and possibly pathetic... but possibly not.
Maybe Noah would have some way of understanding what he was trying to write?
Maybe he should call Noah.
***
“Read me that last sentence again,” Noah leaned back on the bench, eyes closed, hands clasped around a cup of coffee.
“Why?” Luke asked, suddenly shy.
“Because I can’t read it myself,” Noah deadpanned back, lips quirking up.
He had nice lips, Luke noticed. He didn’t usually notice that on a guy, but he did now. “Funny. Why do you want to hear it again?”
Noah shrugged, “I liked the sound of it. You made it sound musical.”
Yeah, now he was definitely shy. “I don’t even know what it all means yet. It’s just stuff I wrote down randomly.”
“Hey,” Noah was still smiling, but something about him was serious, focusing on Luke. “That’s a good thing, isn’t it? That you can just put words down on paper instinctively? Plenty of writers would kill for that talent. Man, I know I would.”
“How long did it take you to write this?” he asked, laying his notebook down on his lap so he could flip through the pages of Noah’s script.
“About a year,” Noah admitted. “After my accident, I was a little... I wasn’t very pleasant to be around for awhile.” Luke’s stomach twisted at how sad and ashamed Noah looked for a moment. “I ignored movies, especially my movies, for a long time. Too long.”
Luke knew that feeling. “What changed?” he asked, settling back comfortably in the bench next to him.
Noah turned to his direction, his face lighter than it had been a moment ago. “Nothing. Or, I mean, I don’t know what changed. One day I woke up with these ideas and I had to get them out.” He smiled a little. “Guess I just couldn’t stay away.” He reached out and managed to tap on Luke’s notebook. “You know how that feels, I think.”
“Maybe,” he said softly. And he wondered at the fact that they could share a smile together, without Noah even seeing his face.
“So, this dad,” Noah traced a finger over the Grimaldi Shipping logo on the front of the notebook. His hand was so close to Luke’s thigh, he couldn’t stop himself from staring. “He’s the not-quite-Mafia one, or whatever, right? Not your ‘dad’ dad.”
“Sort of, basically,” Luke vagued up his answer, unsure of how to explain it all. How to explain just how fucked up the Snyder clan had gotten lately. Ever since the insane he’s-dead-no-wait-is-he-yes-he-is-oh-wow-no-he-isn’t drama with Holden a few months ago, it felt like everything was changed forever.
Damian had wormed his way in. They all tried to excuse it, deny it, whatever, but there it was. He was, somehow, a part of the family again. He and Lily were in the middle of some strange on-again-off-again dance, which was all the more complicated by Holden’s return. Coupled with the fact that Luke was still technically working at Grimaldi Shipping, and... yeah, things were tense. For everyone.
It was like, when Holden came back, he was the same Holden he had been. But everything else had become different. Everyone. And Luke still working for Damian probably hurt Holden more than he let on. Things had been strained and awkward between Luke and his dad for awhile now.
And Luke didn’t know how to fix it.
His boyfriend was no help. He encouraged Luke working for Damian because, to him, it made the most sense. And it wasn’t necessarily Reid’s fault there- he just didn’t get ‘family stuff’ and never had. He didn’t see the big deal whether Luke was on good terms with Holden or not. Reid always just kind of shrugged it away; he’d never really had a family, he didn’t understand.
Not that, you know, Luke even understood half the time. And how do you explain all of that to an outsider?
Noah regarded him thoughtfully. “Which one is the one who encourages your writing?”
Luke blinked, confused. “Um, Holden, I guess. He always supported it and still wants me to go back to school for it.” One of the many things they argued about recently. “Why?”
Noah nodded decisively. “Then he’s your ‘dad’ dad.”
Luke laughed at the simplicity of that. “It’s not really that easy. Damian’s been through a lot too, and he’s really trying to be there for my mom right now. I can’t fault him for that.”
“But that’s for your mom,” Noah pointed out. “What about for you?”
He shifted around a little. “He gave me this job. He offered me a different path instead of pushing me to go back to school like everyone else was. It’s just... hard to trust him sometimes, given our history. And I wish he’d treat me more like a son than an heir, if that makes sense.”
“It does,” Noah responded quieter. “My dad used to treat me the same way.”
It was the first time Noah had ever spoken about his family, Luke realized. “How?” he asked tentatively, pretty much dying for Noah to divulge anything about his (in Luke’s mind) mysterious past.
Noah was biting at his lip now, and for a second Luke was sure he wasn’t going to answer. But then, “My mom died when I was really little. I don’t really remember her at all. Most of my childhood was treated like Basic Training. And I lived with the Drill Sergeant.”
“It must’ve been tough for both of you,” he said, proud of his own diplomacy.
But Noah just shrugged. “It wasn’t fun. It’s better now.” He threw a smile on his face then, and no matter how fake it probably was, it was still pretty enough to distract Luke. “I know, I know. So descriptive. I sound like such a writer, don’t I?”
Luke chuckled, recognizing the ploy for what it was, not sure he was ready to let Noah get away that easily. “Where’s your dad now? Nearby?” The only Army base he could think of was just outside of town and had been abandoned for years.
It was possibly the wrong thing to say, but Luke had never been one to censor himself. Noah flinched a little bit, but there was no revealing of secrets after it. “No, he’s a few states away. He won’t be coming here. We’re... he’s not a part of my life anymore.”
His hands shook for a second as he ran them through his hair, and Luke realized something then. For all his snappy answers and easygoing appearance, Noah wasn’t quite as suave and confident as he made himself look. “If him being gone keeps you from looking this sad, then I’m all for it,” he found himself saying. And really- what? Who said shit like that?
Noah’s face slipped into complete shock for a second before he grinned wide. “Just like I’m all for you quitting that boring executive job and doing something you actually like?”
“What?” It was Luke’s turn to be thrown off kilter. And he most definitely was, almost wanting to grab the bench for balance in case he started to fall.
Noah tilted his head slightly, and Luke felt as if he was being studied even without being seen. “Everything you’ve said to describe that job and Damian, you’re making it sound like such a barrel of laughs. None of what you said sounds like fun, and you weren’t exactly using a lot of enthusiasm.”
“So?” He couldn’t but be just a little bit petulant at that.
“So,” Noah echoed. “What do you do that you actually like? That’s what I want to hear about next. We’ll start with writing and go from there.” He nodded towards Luke as though giving him permission to start.
And once again, Noah startled a laugh out of Luke. He thought about protesting or starting with something self-deprecating to get out of it, but he stopped. Noah actually looked interested in what he had to say. And really- himself and writing? Two of his favorite things to talk about.
He took up a comfortable position on the bench again, and began. The smile on his face felt bigger than it had in months.
***
“So how are you liking Oakdale so far, Noah?” Emma asked as she cleared the nearly-emtpy basket of rolls from the table.
Noah hurriedly swallowed down the sip of iced tea he’d had in his mouth. “Um, I really like it, ma’am,” he smiled, just this side of nervous. He didn’t set the glass down, keeping it in his grip instead. Luke realized then that Noah always tried to have something in his hands. He was a pretty tactile person.
Luke found he suddenly needed a drink too.
“Not too small town for you?” Jack joked, taking a pile of dirty dishes from the kids and carrying them over to the sink.
“Not at all,” his smile was more genuine now. “I moved around a lot as a kid, never really got to do the whole ‘neighborhood’ thing, or family dinners or stuff like that. It’s... I like it.”
It was actually probably a good thing that Noah couldn’t see the adoring looks on Emma and Carly’s faces. Luke had no doubt he’d be blushing to high heaven if he could, or running out the door. Part of Luke wanted to rescue him from the attention, but the other half was too busy enjoying his embarrassment.
“And you like working with Tom Hughes?” Holden asked from where he sat re-tying Ethan’s shoelaces. Ethan, who was bouncing a little in his seat, still eyeing Noah with pure curiosity. “It sounds like a bit of a departure for you.”
Luke bristled, frowning. He couldn’t help it. “I’m sure Noah’s doing what’s right for him,” he tried to say evenly. The twitch of Holden’s face told him he wasn’t exactly successful.
“Let’s hope,” he heard him murmur.
Noah obviously heard it too, and before Luke could open his mouth to be, well, uneven, he touched Luke’s arm gently. Restraining without being restricting. How did he do that? “It’s what pays my bills right now, so it’s fine. And Mr. Hughes-”
“Tom,” Luke corrected, remembering Casey’s teasing. Breaking some of his own tension.
Noah narrowed his eyes mockingly for a second. “Tom,” he repeated exaggeratedly, earning a snort of laughter from Faith nearby. “Is really great.” He nodded back to Holden, his composure and that ‘I’ve-got-it-all-together’ appearance back in place. “It won’t be forever.”
Holden nodded too, smiling at Noah’s determination. Luke squashed down any bitterness that that brought up in him. “That’s good to hear. It sounds like you need to be out there making films at some point.”
Noah blushed. “At some point, maybe.” He cleared his throat, squeezing Luke’s arm. Luke realized he’d never let go earlier. “You said something about stories you wrote?”
“Oh, yeah,” Luke smiled involuntarily. “They’re upstairs, come with me.” He turned to his grandmother as she studied them with a smile. “We’ll be upstairs, Grandma.”
She hesitated for less than a second- just enough time for Luke to ready an argument about how just because they were gay didn’t mean they were going upstairs to fool around, and hey, he had a boyfriend anyway, remember?- but then smiled again. “Just make sure you let me know before you leave, Noah. I’ve got some leftovers you can take back with you.”
Noah blushed and smiled wider. “Oh, you don’t need to do that, I-”
“Noah Mayer, how much do you weigh?” she talked over him.
He was startled by the question, while Luke and the other Snyder men in the kitchen looked on with amused expectancy. “Um, I- I don’t-”
“Too skinny,” she answered for herself. “Do you eat properly in that apartment by yourself? Maybe you should come over here once a week, just so I can be sure you’re taking care of-”
“Grandma, you’ve scared him enough for one day,” Luke couldn’t stop laughing now, especially at the look of confused mortification on Noah’s face. “Maybe, if Noah’s not busy, I’ll convince him to come to dinner next week, is that okay with everyone?”
“Yeah!” Ethan was the first to agree, excited for his new playmate. The first twenty minutes Noah had been here, he had sat with Ethan and patiently listened to childish chatter, even answered questions about being blind. Ethan was quite possibly in love.
Emma pretended to stay stern. “That sounds just fine with me, honey. Noah? Would you like to come to dinner next week?”
Noah was still more than a little confused (which was to be expected, nobody got used to the Snyders on their first day), but his smile was genuine and happy. “Yes ma’am.”
“Good,” she nodded, shooing Luke away with her hand. “Now git.”
Luke was still laughing when he led Noah into his old room, rooting around the desk for his notebook. “Sorry about that, Grandma loves to be a mother hen.” He glanced at Noah, “There’s a chair at two o’clock from where you’re facing, if you want to sit down.” He’d seen Ali and Casey use the clock directions a few times.
Noah’s face lit up with grateful surprise. “Thanks,” he took a few cautious steps until his cane found the chair, then sat down gracefully. “And you don’t have to apologize. I don’t mind, really.”
“Noah,” Luke sighed, “I know you’re, like, unfailingly polite, but you don’t have to humor my crazy relatives.”
“No, I’m serious,” Noah insisted. “This is... wow, this is gonna sound pathetic, but it’s true- this is really the first time since my accident that people don’t treat me like I’m blind. Or fragile. Or like they need to whisper the word ‘gay’ around me.”
Luke sat on the edge of his bed- man, when was the last time he slept here?- and faced Noah. “Has that been an issue?”
“Being a blind gay guy? You come across too many people who aren’t sure which thing is the disability,” Noah said. “When I was still in the hospital after the accident, I didn’t have any family there, you know? So these volunteers, church ladies and pastors and whoever, would come to my room and-” He smirked over at Luke. “They never managed to convert me, though.”
“Do you get to...” Luke tried that little thing called tact. “Dating must be pretty hard.”
Noah laughed freely at that. “Understatement, Shakespeare. Don’t make faces,” he added, just as Luke was about to stick his tongue out. Then he sobered a little, shrugging one shoulder. “Since the accident? I’ve been on a couple dates. One sort-of relationship that just got too much for him. It’s hard for people, not knowing how to, I don’t know, take care of me.”
Luke snorted, he couldn’t help it. “Oh please. They don’t realize you take care of yourself?”
Noah looked up again, surprised. “No,” he said softly. Grateful again. “No one’s really figured that out yet, I guess.”
Sensing he didn’t want the attention on him right now, Luke nudged his shoulder. “And hey, don’t feel bad. Besides Reid? I’ve had one other relationship in my entire life, and he died of a drug overdose four months after we broke up. Okay, two relationships if you count the fake one I had with my female cousin to hide from everyone that I was gay.”
It was pretty straightforward to him, but Noah stared like he could actually see Luke, and Luke had two heads. “Why do you need to make up stories? Seems like you’ve got enough to draw from already.”
“Shut up,” Luke smacked his shoulder good-naturedly with the notebook he’d been holding. “And here.”
Noah’s face lit up, and Luke wondered secretly if he’d ever get used to the sight of it. “Your stories?”
“Yeah,” Luke felt okay blushing, knowing Noah couldn’t see it. “Some of it’s pretty rough, though. Dates back to just after high school, my friend Maddie and I- you’d totally like her, by the way- we wrote this webseries together. And some stuff I wrote in college, before I... left.”
“Great. Can I... can I hold onto these for a little while?” Noah smiled up at him.
“What for? You can’t read them,” Luke asked without thinking.
Noah rolled his eyes. “I have a scanner. I can get them on my laptop and my software will read it out loud to me. I’m not-”
“Sorry, I know,” Luke interrupted, placating. “You’re gonna have to remember, I speak before I think things through half the time.” Once Noah was relaxed again, he tried a different tactic. “So, you’re gonna read my stories. Any chance I’ll get to watch your movies?”
“No,” Noah said shortly, some of his good mood gone. “You won’t.”
“Why not?”
Noah grimaced. “I haven’t... I was making a film when the accident happened. Never got to finish it. I just, I can’t. I had to let it go.”
He looked so sad, defeated at that, and Luke couldn’t stand it. He reached out, put his hand over Noah’s. It was completely innocent- it was- and because he was offering comfort Luke ignored the tiny pinpricks and sparks he felt connect his skin to Noah’s. “Maybe someday.”
Noah shook his head, but didn’t pull his hand away. “I’m making a new one now. Moving on. I have to. And that’s why you should be writing again.”
Luke grinned at how Noah always tried to steer the conversation back to that. “And why is that?”
Noah somehow gave him a pointed look. “It’s a saying one of my old doctors used to tell me- The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” He squeezed Luke’s hand. “You need to find your vision again.”
CONTINUE ON TO CHAPTER 2