3+ months into withdrawal; still working on faith; still terrified of taking care of myself

Sep 11, 2018 17:22

I got back from DragonCon late Monday night, and today is Friday, and I still don't feel "settled in" at all ( Read more... )

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zorphblat September 12 2018, 14:53:49 UTC

1.  Jeffery's going to be so jealous that you went to DragonCon! He had to miss the last two years. Maybe he'll make it next year.

2. 3+ months and still a struggle? I think breaking patterns and habits just takes such a long time, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it, but I think you can do it. I think about this a lot, because I have a lot of bad habits, but I've seen a lot of bad habits or  thought patterns change with time and somewhat minimal consideration. Maybe you just need more time. Maybe it'll always be hard, but if you go long enough, the hard thing becomes normal and doesn't feel hard anymore. I don't think that's encouraging, but that's how I face new challenges with Crohn's disease. I remember how hard it was at the start, and how I adjusted and adapted to a new normal. Each time I hit some new thing, as hard as it is, I remind myself that eventually, this will feel normal and I'll be okay again.

3. Low grades are always a bummer, but you know it's all bullshit, and now you know you can try to do better next time. Every ( ... )

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zorphblat September 13 2018, 22:34:46 UTC
aaaand just like that all my attempts at keeping my chin up fall apart. i got a 75 on my first homework assignment for this computer architecture class, and i don't even know why or how, yet. and i feel CRUSHED. so, you know. everything sucks. but we're all in the suck together.

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