The Brilliant Idea to Banish Them All
Title: The Brilliant Idea to Banish Them All
Characters: Lily, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter (slight Sirius/Lily, if you squint.)
Rating/Word Count: PG / ~720
Genre: Humor, slightly-cracky
Summary: Lily's had enough of Sirius's badgering, and knows just the way to set him straight.
Author's Notes: For peskywhispaw. Happy birthday!!! :] I know you've been wanting something like this (I won't spoil what, exactly, teehee) and I finally got a plot bunny for it. I also have an accompanying doodle, thanks to Mr. Burchett's boring gov lectures, but I haven't gotten a chance to scan it yet.
"Evans!"
"Ssh!"
"Evans!"
"Be quiet, Black, I'm trying to work."
"But, Evans-"
Lily scowled at Sirius but, resigned, set her quill down and steadily asked, "What is it?"
"I have a question," he drawled, taking his time to pause between words in order to scratch his head, close one eye, close the other, open the first, open the other, lick his lips, and grin.
"Yes?" she managed between clenched teeth. She didn't bother to disguise the sound of her foot tapping against the floor.
"Oh, just..."
"Just what, Sirius?"
"Nevermind, I forgot."
Lily threw her Transfiguration book at him, but he deftly dodged it by ducking behind one of the armchairs. She eyed the chair for a few minutes, but when he didn’t stir from behind it, or make so much as a peep, she returned to her essay with a sigh.
It wasn't but ten minutes later when she heard it again-
"Evans!"
She ignored it.
"Evans!"
She hunched over her parchment with a scowl.
This time, "...Lily? Lily, I'm bored."
"Go bother James," she snapped, not looking back at him.
"He's at practice."
"Then go bother Remus or Peter."
"They've gone to the library." He scrunched up his face in dislike, "Anyway, you'll be done soon, right?"
"Not even."
He let out a loud groan and collapsed into the chair over one of the armrests. She turned around to look at him, but all she could see were his legs dangling over the other armrest.
"Patience, Sirius."
"Patience is for Hufflepuffs," she heard him mutter disdainfully.
And that's when she had what would later be known to the Marauders as The Brilliant Idea To Banish Them All.
"Say, Sirius... I've got something that will keep you occupied."
"Really?" His head popped up from over the top of the chair.
"Really."
- - - - - - - -
Remus, Peter, and James returned at roughly the same time that afternoon, and since then had been standing behind Sirius's armchair with intermingled looks of disbelief, confusion, and suspicion.
Lily smoothed out her completed essay with a little pride and shut her Herbology book.
"What's he doing?" she heard Peter ask.
"Why's he doing it?" she heard James mutter.
"Bored, maybe?"
"Is it homework?"
"Extra credit-"
"Maybe it's for a girl."
"-I think he's just lost his mind."
The three murmured in solemn agreement, lapsing into silence.
"...Should we get Madame Pomfrey?" Peter asked hesitantly.
Lily shoved her books and essay into her bag and stood up. The legs of her chair grated backwards across the wood, and when she turned to head up to the Dorms she found three accusing sets of eyes suddenly rounded on her.
"Can I help you?" she feigned innocence.
"What'd you do to him, you she-devil?" James snapped.
“What do you mean?”
Remus set a hand on James’s shoulder to calm him. “Lily,” he began, “What’s happened to Sirius?”
“He was being a bit impatient, so… I helped him out.” She smiled and batted her eyelashes.
“Yeah but he’s… he’s…”
“-He’s bloody knitting!” James burst.
“I can hear you,” Sirius grumbled from the other side of the chair.
Lily stepped through the three dumbfounded Marauders and leaned over the side of the armchair, where Sirius sat curled with two clumsy knitting needles in his hands and a ball of pink yarn in his lap. His tongue hung out of his mouth and his eyes were half-slits of determination.
“All right there, Sirius?” She asked.
He grunted, his eyes unmoving from the ugly creation in his lap.
She patted his knee and stood up. This time James, Remus, and Peter let her pass through them towards the dorms without a word. She hovered between them for a moment though, and to their surprise, she winked.
“Know what I told him?” she whispered.
They shook their heads and leaned into her words.
“I told him he could learn how to make underpants for all the Slytherins, if he wanted.”
She was only mildly surprised when she found the four of them sprawled across the Common Room the following evening with the most hideously colored yarn she had ever seen in their laps, arguing over who had made the itchiest, lumpiest pair of trousers.
That was the calmest week of her life, by far.
Characters: Lily, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter (slight Sirius/Lily, if you squint.)
Rating/Word Count: PG / ~720
Genre: Humor, slightly-cracky
Summary: Lily's had enough of Sirius's badgering, and knows just the way to set him straight.
Author's Notes: For peskywhispaw. Happy birthday!!! :] I know you've been wanting something like this (I won't spoil what, exactly, teehee) and I finally got a plot bunny for it. I also have an accompanying doodle, thanks to Mr. Burchett's boring gov lectures, but I haven't gotten a chance to scan it yet.
"Evans!"
"Ssh!"
"Evans!"
"Be quiet, Black, I'm trying to work."
"But, Evans-"
Lily scowled at Sirius but, resigned, set her quill down and steadily asked, "What is it?"
"I have a question," he drawled, taking his time to pause between words in order to scratch his head, close one eye, close the other, open the first, open the other, lick his lips, and grin.
"Yes?" she managed between clenched teeth. She didn't bother to disguise the sound of her foot tapping against the floor.
"Oh, just..."
"Just what, Sirius?"
"Nevermind, I forgot."
Lily threw her Transfiguration book at him, but he deftly dodged it by ducking behind one of the armchairs. She eyed the chair for a few minutes, but when he didn’t stir from behind it, or make so much as a peep, she returned to her essay with a sigh.
It wasn't but ten minutes later when she heard it again-
"Evans!"
She ignored it.
"Evans!"
She hunched over her parchment with a scowl.
This time, "...Lily? Lily, I'm bored."
"Go bother James," she snapped, not looking back at him.
"He's at practice."
"Then go bother Remus or Peter."
"They've gone to the library." He scrunched up his face in dislike, "Anyway, you'll be done soon, right?"
"Not even."
He let out a loud groan and collapsed into the chair over one of the armrests. She turned around to look at him, but all she could see were his legs dangling over the other armrest.
"Patience, Sirius."
"Patience is for Hufflepuffs," she heard him mutter disdainfully.
And that's when she had what would later be known to the Marauders as The Brilliant Idea To Banish Them All.
"Say, Sirius... I've got something that will keep you occupied."
"Really?" His head popped up from over the top of the chair.
"Really."
- - - - - - - -
Remus, Peter, and James returned at roughly the same time that afternoon, and since then had been standing behind Sirius's armchair with intermingled looks of disbelief, confusion, and suspicion.
Lily smoothed out her completed essay with a little pride and shut her Herbology book.
"What's he doing?" she heard Peter ask.
"Why's he doing it?" she heard James mutter.
"Bored, maybe?"
"Is it homework?"
"Extra credit-"
"Maybe it's for a girl."
"-I think he's just lost his mind."
The three murmured in solemn agreement, lapsing into silence.
"...Should we get Madame Pomfrey?" Peter asked hesitantly.
Lily shoved her books and essay into her bag and stood up. The legs of her chair grated backwards across the wood, and when she turned to head up to the Dorms she found three accusing sets of eyes suddenly rounded on her.
"Can I help you?" she feigned innocence.
"What'd you do to him, you she-devil?" James snapped.
“What do you mean?”
Remus set a hand on James’s shoulder to calm him. “Lily,” he began, “What’s happened to Sirius?”
“He was being a bit impatient, so… I helped him out.” She smiled and batted her eyelashes.
“Yeah but he’s… he’s…”
“-He’s bloody knitting!” James burst.
“I can hear you,” Sirius grumbled from the other side of the chair.
Lily stepped through the three dumbfounded Marauders and leaned over the side of the armchair, where Sirius sat curled with two clumsy knitting needles in his hands and a ball of pink yarn in his lap. His tongue hung out of his mouth and his eyes were half-slits of determination.
“All right there, Sirius?” She asked.
He grunted, his eyes unmoving from the ugly creation in his lap.
She patted his knee and stood up. This time James, Remus, and Peter let her pass through them towards the dorms without a word. She hovered between them for a moment though, and to their surprise, she winked.
“Know what I told him?” she whispered.
They shook their heads and leaned into her words.
“I told him he could learn how to make underpants for all the Slytherins, if he wanted.”
She was only mildly surprised when she found the four of them sprawled across the Common Room the following evening with the most hideously colored yarn she had ever seen in their laps, arguing over who had made the itchiest, lumpiest pair of trousers.
That was the calmest week of her life, by far.