COWER MORTALS

[capslockophile]

 I AM HERE BECAUSE HERE IS A GATHERING OF MANY MORTALS WHO ARE VERY INTRIGUING TO ME.  SOME I HAVE EVEN SEEN ON OCCASION.  OTHERS I HAVE NOT.

I WILL GIVE YOU ONE VERY IMPORTANT INSTRUCTION.

BE GOOD TO CATS.  CATS ARE NICE.

EDIT: DO NOT KICK OR STEP ON SNAKES.  THEY ARE NOT CUDDLY AND DO NOT PURR, BUT THEY HAVE FEELINGS, TOO.  ALSO, IF YOU DO THAT,

Comments

[downwardsaunter]

All the possible messages in the cosmos and you ask them to be nice to cats?

[downwardsaunter]

I don't know if 'fun' is exactly the right word for it. Trying to keep a flaming Bentley in once piece using pure willpower is not my idea of 'fun', usually.

[capslockophile]

I'M SURE IT PROVIDED MUCH NEEDED EXCITEMENT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. YOU COULD GET A PET.

[downwardsaunter]

Not when it comes to my Bentley.
....What do I need a pet for? I have Houseplants.

[capslockophile]

HOUSEPLANTS CANNOT SIT IN YOUR LAP.

[downwardsaunter]

They can when I pick them up and put them there,

[capslockophile]

THEY CANNOT PURR.

[downwardsaunter]

Well...no. They can't purr. They shake and cower a lot, though.

[capslockophile]

THAT IS INSUFFICENT. I WILL LEND YOU SPINKS.

[downwardsaunter]

.........................

What's a Spinks?

[capslockophile]

A KITTY. YOU WILL LIKE HER. SHE PURRS.

[downwardsaunter]

Wait? What? No.

I don't need a bloody cat! Don't give me a cat!

[capslockophile]

I WILL LEND YOU SPINKS, AND YOU WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER.

[downwardsaunter]

DON'T SEND ME A RUDDY......

Bollocks!