022 :: Voice, "crossposted" as a radio address
Good evening, city. This is your mayor.
I know that right now is a trying time, with the birds and the bees literally going crazy. I wanted to tell you all that my staff and I at City Hall are doing our best to resolve this issue as quickly as possible. I know some of you are confused, and scared. If you're not an import, I suggest you remain indoors, and make sure all entrances to your home are locked, and all windows are closed. If you have pets, I would recommend keeping them locked in another room until this issue is resolved.
Imports, I know the city itself asks a lot of you, but if you have a power that could be of any help, I'm asking you now to aid the people of the city. If someone is in trouble, reach out to them. If there's an entire pack of rats or flock of pigeons, you have a city permit to terminate every last one of those fuckfaces before they get out of control and hurt someone.
I know this is a lot to ask of all of you. If you must leave the home, ensure that you lock all entrances to your vehicle and don't open the windows. I will be allotting a certain amount of available emergency resources to patrolling the streets to make sure you can leave your homes, and that entrances to public buildings and businesses are being watched.
Thank you, city. We'll get through this, and our pest population will be dramatically reduced.
HUNDRED OUT.
I know that right now is a trying time, with the birds and the bees literally going crazy. I wanted to tell you all that my staff and I at City Hall are doing our best to resolve this issue as quickly as possible. I know some of you are confused, and scared. If you're not an import, I suggest you remain indoors, and make sure all entrances to your home are locked, and all windows are closed. If you have pets, I would recommend keeping them locked in another room until this issue is resolved.
Imports, I know the city itself asks a lot of you, but if you have a power that could be of any help, I'm asking you now to aid the people of the city. If someone is in trouble, reach out to them. If there's an entire pack of rats or flock of pigeons, you have a city permit to terminate every last one of those fuckfaces before they get out of control and hurt someone.
I know this is a lot to ask of all of you. If you must leave the home, ensure that you lock all entrances to your vehicle and don't open the windows. I will be allotting a certain amount of available emergency resources to patrolling the streets to make sure you can leave your homes, and that entrances to public buildings and businesses are being watched.
Thank you, city. We'll get through this, and our pest population will be dramatically reduced.
HUNDRED OUT.