9.
Title: The Fourth Drink Instinct
Rating: PG
Characters: Xabi Alonso, Cesc Fàbregas, Fernando Torres, David Silva
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
When Xabi visits England, Fernando, Cesc and Silva meet up with him. This is mostly Cesc inviting himself to Fernando and Xabi’s “special time” (as Cesc calls it) and bringing Silva along in a failed attempt to be subtle about it.
Xabi doesn’t really mind though. He was bound to be roped into hanging out with Cesc anyway, and as for Silva⎯ well, how could he have a problem with Silva?
He doesn’t mind when Fernando asks about Sergio, even though he’s sure Fernando is more up to date with how Sergio is than he is.
He minds a little when Cesc unabashedly asks if the rumours about Cristiano and Kaká are true. He says, “Cesc,” and gives him a disapproving look.
“Sergio mentioned it,” Cesc insists. “He even said he asked Kaká about it, but apparently he just made the sign of the cross and has been avoiding Sergio ever since.” He grins as he reaches across the table and swipes at Xabi’s fries. “He probably thinks Sergio is the Anti-Christ now. You ask him, Xabi, he’d tell you. He knows you wouldn’t tell the whole world, and then you can tell me.”
Xabi just stares at him. Then without saying a word, he turns to Silva. “I spoke to David,” he says. “He says he hasn’t heard from you in a while.”
Silva gives him a small smile. “I’ve just been busy.”
“Not too busy to come out tonight,” Cesc points out. When Xabi exasperatedly says, “Cesc!” again, he turns to Fernando. “I told Sergio he should have asked Cristiano, he looks like he kisses and tells.”
Xabi rolls his eyes, and decides that Cesc has obviously had too much to drink.
“Are you okay?” he asks Silva.
“With what?”
Xabi blinks at that. “Everything.” He pauses. “Anything.”
“Not everything,” Silva answers. He gives Xabi a reassuring smile. “But with some things, yes.”
“Most things?”
“Most things,” Silva amends.
Xabi pats him on the arm, satisfied. “You should call David. He worries.”
“And he should,” Cesc interrupts, loudly. He puts both his hands on either side of Silva’s face and awkwardly angles it towards Xabi. “Look at this face! He should worry.” He lets go, only to grab Silva by the shoulders and Cesc gracelessly kisses him on the neck. “You’re a catch, Silva.”
Silva rolls his eyes. “I'll call,” he promises, extracting himself from Cesc.
Xabi looks at Cesc, disapprovingly, who catches it and insolently blows him a kiss in reply.
“You’re impossible,” he says, feeling annoyed at the fondness in his tone.
“Impossible is nothing!” Cesc proclaims before he bursts into laughter, and Silva has to grab his arm as he starts to slide off the seat.
“Jesus,” Fernando mumbles and he takes a big gulp from his glass.
~
As Xabi suspected he would, Cesc gets more drunk as the night wears on and he becomes increasingly louder and more obnoxious, which Fernando points out is terrifying given that regular Cesc is hard enough to handle.
This is made even more obvious when an insipid song that sounds vaguely familiar starts playing, and Xabi knows trouble is about to start when he sees Cesc perk up. He feels like he has missed something though, because a few seconds into the song, Fernando groans.
“Oh, no, not this song.” He glares at Cesc, who has already started dancing in his seat.
“Don’t you dare,” Fernando warns him.
Cesc has already started singing, but aside from the fact that he is apparently tone deaf, Xabi doesn’t really understand why Fernando looks like he would throttle Cesc if he thought he would get away with it. It isn’t like this was uncharacteristic of Cesc.
Then Cesc wraps his arms around Fernando’s neck and pulls him closer. “You know that I love you, boy,” he sings into his ear. “Hot like Mexico, rejoice. At this point, I’ve got to choose, nothing to lose.”
“Get off me,” Fernando growls, trying to push Cesc off him. “And stop singing!”
Cesc pulls away slightly, still holding on to Fernando. “Don’t call my name, don’t call my name, Alejandro!” he continues, singing even louder.
“I’ll kill you,” Fernando says when Cesc turns back to him. “I swear to you, Cesc, if you sing this next part I’m going to ki⎯”
“Oh!” Silva looks startled, as if he just realized something. “Cesc, you really shouldn’t.”
“I’m not your babe, I’m not your babe⎯”
“Cesc⎯”
“⎯Fernando!”
Fernando manages to disentangle himself from Cesc and tackles him to the ground. “I hate you, Fàbregas, just shut up!”
Ah, Xabi thinks. This song. He takes another sip of his beer and goes to help Silva pry Fernando off Cesc.
~
By the time Fernando and Silva leave, Xabi is sure Cesc is completely out of his mind.
He looks better when he returns from the bathroom, Xabi decides. At least until he climbs into the booth and crawls over to Xabi and lays his head on Xabi’s lap.
“My head hurts,” he complains.
“Probably because you drank your weight in alcohol.”
Cesc makes a face at him. “Why aren’t you drunk?”
“Because I believe in moderation.”
“Oh, just shut up.” Cesc groans and turns a little so his head is mostly under the table.
Xabi doesn’t even want to think about what this must look like to outsiders- Cesc’s legs sticking out and his head out of sight. Oh god.
“Where’s Freckleface?”
“He left thirty minutes ago, Cesc, how wasted are you?”
“What?” Cesc tries to sit up and hits his head on the table. “Oww,” he says sorrowfully, as he lays his head back down on Xabi’s lap. “That bitch, he was supposed to give me a ride home.”
Xabi pushes Cesc’s hands away from where they’re covering his face. “He asked you before he left,” he says, examining the bump growing right next to Cesc’s scalp. “You sang more of that song to him. ‘Don’t bother me, don’t bother me. Don’t call my name, Fernando’ were the lines, I think. What he said in reply is something I’d rather not repeat.”
Cesc giggles at that, and then yelps when Xabi’s hand brushes against the bump.
“Sorry,” Xabi says, combing his fingers through Cesc’s hair as he tries to cover the bump. “You’ll be fine. How are we getting you home now?”
Cesc hums slightly, his eyes closed. Xabi is just beginning to wonder if maybe Cesc had hit his head harder than he thought, when his eyes snap open. “Oh! Call uhmm…that guy.”
Xabi raises an eyebrow. “That’s precise,” he says, even though he’s fairly certain he knows who Cesc is talking about.
“No, you know,” Cesc insists. “You know the one. With the⎯” He flails his arms about and Xabi almost laughs.
“With the body parts?” he asks, amused.
“No, I was trying to convey flailing,” Cesc says, sulkily. “You would suck at Charades, I would never be on your team.”
“Can’t remember the name ‘Robin’, but you can drop the word ‘convey’ into conversation. What is it like inside that head, Cesc Fàbregas?”
“Yes! Robin!” Cesc says, happily. “Tall Robin. Lots of limbs Robin.” He fumbles around for his phone and blinks at the screen. “What’s his number?”
Xabi rolls his eyes and takes Cesc’s phone from him. When he opens Cesc’s recent call logs, he can’t see the name ‘Robin’ anywhere but there is a lot of “PRUDE Dutchman” and when he sees that there is no ‘Robin’ in Cesc’s Contact list, Xabi assumes that must be him.
He frowns at the name and glances at Cesc, who is back to humming with his eyes closed and decides it’s better not to ask.
~
When Robin arrives to pick Cesc up, Xabi realizes that he’s never really spoken to him, aside from exchanging pleasantries in passing when he used to play for Liverpool.
“Err, did he embarrass himself?” Robin asks, as Cesc drapes himself around him.
“Not more than usual,” Xabi replies, grinning slightly. “He hit his head though, so he’s probably going to complain about that in the morning.”
Robin laughs a little. “Thanks for the heads up.””
“Robin, let’s go,” Cesc interrupts. “You can have your way with me at home. Drunken sex is supposed to be amazing.”
“Cesc,” he says, looking mortified. He looks up at Xabi, his face red. “I should get him home.”
“You’re such a prude,” Cesc mumbles, as Robin steers him away.
“Cesc, shut up.”
Xabi is briefly wondering what it must be like to deal with Cesc on a regular basis, when his phone vibrates. He opens the text message:
Fernando told me you were here. Thought you’d get away without even saying hi?
Xabi shakes his head slightly, a smile on his lips.
Of course I was going to come meet you.
Two minutes later, his phone rings and he smiles at the familiar name. He hits the ‘Answer’ button and holds the phone to his ear. “Hello, Stevie.”
Rating: PG
Characters: Xabi Alonso, Cesc Fàbregas, Fernando Torres, David Silva
Disclaimer: Complete fiction
When Xabi visits England, Fernando, Cesc and Silva meet up with him. This is mostly Cesc inviting himself to Fernando and Xabi’s “special time” (as Cesc calls it) and bringing Silva along in a failed attempt to be subtle about it.
Xabi doesn’t really mind though. He was bound to be roped into hanging out with Cesc anyway, and as for Silva⎯ well, how could he have a problem with Silva?
He doesn’t mind when Fernando asks about Sergio, even though he’s sure Fernando is more up to date with how Sergio is than he is.
He minds a little when Cesc unabashedly asks if the rumours about Cristiano and Kaká are true. He says, “Cesc,” and gives him a disapproving look.
“Sergio mentioned it,” Cesc insists. “He even said he asked Kaká about it, but apparently he just made the sign of the cross and has been avoiding Sergio ever since.” He grins as he reaches across the table and swipes at Xabi’s fries. “He probably thinks Sergio is the Anti-Christ now. You ask him, Xabi, he’d tell you. He knows you wouldn’t tell the whole world, and then you can tell me.”
Xabi just stares at him. Then without saying a word, he turns to Silva. “I spoke to David,” he says. “He says he hasn’t heard from you in a while.”
Silva gives him a small smile. “I’ve just been busy.”
“Not too busy to come out tonight,” Cesc points out. When Xabi exasperatedly says, “Cesc!” again, he turns to Fernando. “I told Sergio he should have asked Cristiano, he looks like he kisses and tells.”
Xabi rolls his eyes, and decides that Cesc has obviously had too much to drink.
“Are you okay?” he asks Silva.
“With what?”
Xabi blinks at that. “Everything.” He pauses. “Anything.”
“Not everything,” Silva answers. He gives Xabi a reassuring smile. “But with some things, yes.”
“Most things?”
“Most things,” Silva amends.
Xabi pats him on the arm, satisfied. “You should call David. He worries.”
“And he should,” Cesc interrupts, loudly. He puts both his hands on either side of Silva’s face and awkwardly angles it towards Xabi. “Look at this face! He should worry.” He lets go, only to grab Silva by the shoulders and Cesc gracelessly kisses him on the neck. “You’re a catch, Silva.”
Silva rolls his eyes. “I'll call,” he promises, extracting himself from Cesc.
Xabi looks at Cesc, disapprovingly, who catches it and insolently blows him a kiss in reply.
“You’re impossible,” he says, feeling annoyed at the fondness in his tone.
“Impossible is nothing!” Cesc proclaims before he bursts into laughter, and Silva has to grab his arm as he starts to slide off the seat.
“Jesus,” Fernando mumbles and he takes a big gulp from his glass.
~
As Xabi suspected he would, Cesc gets more drunk as the night wears on and he becomes increasingly louder and more obnoxious, which Fernando points out is terrifying given that regular Cesc is hard enough to handle.
This is made even more obvious when an insipid song that sounds vaguely familiar starts playing, and Xabi knows trouble is about to start when he sees Cesc perk up. He feels like he has missed something though, because a few seconds into the song, Fernando groans.
“Oh, no, not this song.” He glares at Cesc, who has already started dancing in his seat.
“Don’t you dare,” Fernando warns him.
Cesc has already started singing, but aside from the fact that he is apparently tone deaf, Xabi doesn’t really understand why Fernando looks like he would throttle Cesc if he thought he would get away with it. It isn’t like this was uncharacteristic of Cesc.
Then Cesc wraps his arms around Fernando’s neck and pulls him closer. “You know that I love you, boy,” he sings into his ear. “Hot like Mexico, rejoice. At this point, I’ve got to choose, nothing to lose.”
“Get off me,” Fernando growls, trying to push Cesc off him. “And stop singing!”
Cesc pulls away slightly, still holding on to Fernando. “Don’t call my name, don’t call my name, Alejandro!” he continues, singing even louder.
“I’ll kill you,” Fernando says when Cesc turns back to him. “I swear to you, Cesc, if you sing this next part I’m going to ki⎯”
“Oh!” Silva looks startled, as if he just realized something. “Cesc, you really shouldn’t.”
“I’m not your babe, I’m not your babe⎯”
“Cesc⎯”
“⎯Fernando!”
Fernando manages to disentangle himself from Cesc and tackles him to the ground. “I hate you, Fàbregas, just shut up!”
Ah, Xabi thinks. This song. He takes another sip of his beer and goes to help Silva pry Fernando off Cesc.
~
By the time Fernando and Silva leave, Xabi is sure Cesc is completely out of his mind.
He looks better when he returns from the bathroom, Xabi decides. At least until he climbs into the booth and crawls over to Xabi and lays his head on Xabi’s lap.
“My head hurts,” he complains.
“Probably because you drank your weight in alcohol.”
Cesc makes a face at him. “Why aren’t you drunk?”
“Because I believe in moderation.”
“Oh, just shut up.” Cesc groans and turns a little so his head is mostly under the table.
Xabi doesn’t even want to think about what this must look like to outsiders- Cesc’s legs sticking out and his head out of sight. Oh god.
“Where’s Freckleface?”
“He left thirty minutes ago, Cesc, how wasted are you?”
“What?” Cesc tries to sit up and hits his head on the table. “Oww,” he says sorrowfully, as he lays his head back down on Xabi’s lap. “That bitch, he was supposed to give me a ride home.”
Xabi pushes Cesc’s hands away from where they’re covering his face. “He asked you before he left,” he says, examining the bump growing right next to Cesc’s scalp. “You sang more of that song to him. ‘Don’t bother me, don’t bother me. Don’t call my name, Fernando’ were the lines, I think. What he said in reply is something I’d rather not repeat.”
Cesc giggles at that, and then yelps when Xabi’s hand brushes against the bump.
“Sorry,” Xabi says, combing his fingers through Cesc’s hair as he tries to cover the bump. “You’ll be fine. How are we getting you home now?”
Cesc hums slightly, his eyes closed. Xabi is just beginning to wonder if maybe Cesc had hit his head harder than he thought, when his eyes snap open. “Oh! Call uhmm…that guy.”
Xabi raises an eyebrow. “That’s precise,” he says, even though he’s fairly certain he knows who Cesc is talking about.
“No, you know,” Cesc insists. “You know the one. With the⎯” He flails his arms about and Xabi almost laughs.
“With the body parts?” he asks, amused.
“No, I was trying to convey flailing,” Cesc says, sulkily. “You would suck at Charades, I would never be on your team.”
“Can’t remember the name ‘Robin’, but you can drop the word ‘convey’ into conversation. What is it like inside that head, Cesc Fàbregas?”
“Yes! Robin!” Cesc says, happily. “Tall Robin. Lots of limbs Robin.” He fumbles around for his phone and blinks at the screen. “What’s his number?”
Xabi rolls his eyes and takes Cesc’s phone from him. When he opens Cesc’s recent call logs, he can’t see the name ‘Robin’ anywhere but there is a lot of “PRUDE Dutchman” and when he sees that there is no ‘Robin’ in Cesc’s Contact list, Xabi assumes that must be him.
He frowns at the name and glances at Cesc, who is back to humming with his eyes closed and decides it’s better not to ask.
~
When Robin arrives to pick Cesc up, Xabi realizes that he’s never really spoken to him, aside from exchanging pleasantries in passing when he used to play for Liverpool.
“Err, did he embarrass himself?” Robin asks, as Cesc drapes himself around him.
“Not more than usual,” Xabi replies, grinning slightly. “He hit his head though, so he’s probably going to complain about that in the morning.”
Robin laughs a little. “Thanks for the heads up.””
“Robin, let’s go,” Cesc interrupts. “You can have your way with me at home. Drunken sex is supposed to be amazing.”
“Cesc,” he says, looking mortified. He looks up at Xabi, his face red. “I should get him home.”
“You’re such a prude,” Cesc mumbles, as Robin steers him away.
“Cesc, shut up.”
Xabi is briefly wondering what it must be like to deal with Cesc on a regular basis, when his phone vibrates. He opens the text message:
Fernando told me you were here. Thought you’d get away without even saying hi?
Xabi shakes his head slightly, a smile on his lips.
Of course I was going to come meet you.
Two minutes later, his phone rings and he smiles at the familiar name. He hits the ‘Answer’ button and holds the phone to his ear. “Hello, Stevie.”