I always look angry in photographs

[candychic125]

My sister found some old photos of us growing up.  I always looked pissed off.  Even at my own birthday party, lol.  Why?  I don't know... I was really angsty.  Everything in my life pricked my nerves the wrong way.  And I still am.  I can't help but find myself with a mean mug >:l  on sometimes.  Why?  Why why... I ask myself constantly

Comments

[palemoonsdream]

Well ... the look of oneself on a photograph is always a curious matter. I think the primary reason for oneself always thinking of pictures as bad, strange, weird or wrong looking is the fact that you are with nearly 99% chance the person in your environment that is least used to actually seeing you. So I guess it's hard to get used to one's own facial impression and knowing which impression means what, since you "sit behind" your impressions when you make them.

Obvious answer would be "Well, since you always think about why you think about thinking about you, that naturally makes kind a thoughtful face" .. but I guess it's not that. Maybe it's just the fact (especially in group-pictures) that you're not relaxed on those pictures and have an inner tension? Are there any photos of you from moments where you were really relaxed and calm? Would be interesting to know if it's the same on those.

[candychic125]

Eh, well when I was younger I do remember every little thing irritating me. I wasn't bad tempered, but I was always really unpleasant, you know?

[palemoonsdream]

I think I know what you mean, yes. I was nearly the contrary, always sunken into some thought, so I looked distracted all the time and had an annoyed and disturbed impression on most pictures.

But in this case I wouldn't see it as yourself making an angry face .. more like a curious one. But I guess one could only really find that out if one would watch oneself for a long time a lot in the mirror out of the eyes corner while doing everydays stuff, so one would be used to the own impressions.

[candychic125]

I wonder if the image you have of me in your mind and the image that I actually exist in are one an the same. Maybe you romanticize me a little, because you only ever see a few sides of me through my writing. You're seeing me through my own eyes. If you were to spend time with me, well, maybe you could tell that I'm not happy.

I do remember being angry wen I was growing up. I was angry at my father. I was angry that I couldn't be who I wanted to be. I was angry that my sister got all the love and affection that I deserved. And today, I don't care anymore.

But now, I feel like that strength has been pulled from underneath me. When people treat me poorly or make me feel like I'm worth less than I am, I used to always turn to my cat. My best friend. It may sound really awful and pathetic. But I wasn't prepared to hear that news. I knew it was coming one day, but... It's been really hard for me.

This time of year is always really hard for me.