(no subject)
o fine, have more apps.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed, and I'm spent.
Character: Hajun Cho
Series: I.N.V.U.
Character Age: 25
Job: Science Teacher/Tutor
Canon: Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can almost taste it? The cast of I.N.V.U. has, and they're willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish their dreams - including blackmail, working crappy part-time jobs, and eating pastries until they burst. I Envy You is a story full of drama, angst and romance. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. With high tension and equally high emotions heating up everywhere, it's a wonder nobody's gotten burned.
The exception to all the crazy is Hajun Cho; the mature, clean-cut adult with good morals. As the heir to a wealthy education corporation, all Hajun really wants to do in life is work a decent job, find a nice girl to marry, settle down and have cute kids. He is a mostly calm and collected individual with the ability to take things in stride. He's also a bit of a dork with a penchant for dangerous science experiments. This isn't to say that Hajun isn't without his own share of problems. Between the stress from the duties he's expected to perform as an heir and the unwanted arranged marriage his adoptive father is determined he have, Hajun's got quite a bit on his plate. He's a teacher at a local high school where everybody loves him and all the girls want him. He even has his own fan club (although they don't know that he's only recently just had his first kiss, nor will they ever)! Friendly, good-looking and smart, Hajun cares a great deal about his students, and has a strong sense of duty and loyalty towards his job.
Sample Post:
Hello, everyone! I'm Hajun Cho and it's a pleasure to be teaching you all here. For our first class, I thought we could do a little hands-on project to show you that science isn't always about boring lessons and memorizing the periodic table. Although that will be necessary to get a passing grade, heh! On your desks there should be a rubber suit like the one I'm wearing. I'm going to need you to put them on and follow me. Yes, I realize they look a bit like condoms, but they're not and that's that. And you there in the back, I know it's pretty hot since it's summer and all, but that's really no reason to take off all your clothes. The suit will fit over them just fine. Is everyone ready? Let's go, then.
As you can see, the water in the lake has a few abnormal qualities to it. First of all, you should notice that it has a shimmering rainbow sheen as opposed to the usual blue-green hue. To be honest, I don't know why or how it is the way it is, but hopefully with a little digging around, we can learn something interesting! ♪ Just to warn you all, though, I did do some preliminary testing and the water can cause some mild skin irritation - hence the suits. Whatever you do, please try not to get any on your face or in your mouth. The water tastes a bit like burning. Now, here are some nets, buckets and testing strips. I want you to split into groups, pick a color and get to work. I'll be walking around to check on how you're all doing and answer any questions you might have.
You guys over there, you picked blue, right? How's it going? Find anything good? Let's see. We've got a pirate hat, a skeletal hand and an eyeball that looks like it's decomposing. Hey, is anyone missing an eye? We've got one over here! --Wait, really? Quit kidding around. There's no way! Did you guys get anything from the water itself? What do you mean everything came up as blueberry? Stop pulling my leg and let me see those test strips. . . . Wow. It actually says "blueberry" right there on the paper. That's pretty strange and kind of neat at the same time, seeing as how that's not how these are normally supposed to work. And they all came out this way, too. I wonder if it's like that for the other groups. Hey, what about you guys that picked yellow? Bring your stuff over. Ha ha, it says "lemon." I feel like there's a "taste the rainbow" joke to be made in here somewhere. And you found a broken vibrator, batteries and a blow up doll with strategically placed holes. . . . OK, then! Well, I see the batteries and the vibrator, but where's the -
Hey! Put that doll down right this instant. That is inappropriate public behavior and not something someone of your age should be doing! And no, I am not a prude. What does it matter if I'm a virgin or not? My sex life is not up for discussion. If I say you're too young, then you're too young. End of story. Now, if everyone would please hurry up get out of the water, I think the giant, looming, tentacled creature behind me would like us to leave. Or for you to leave, anyway. The arm wrapped around my leg makes me think it wants me to stay. All of you go back to class as quick as you can, get changed and we'll meet up again tomorrow at the same time. I hope.
Ha ha, I suppose I should be glad I'm wearing this suit or I might be in a lot of trouble!
Poll Vote!
Name: Castor
Age: appears to be in his mid to late twenties Is actually deader'n dead.
Series: 07-Ghost
Job: Research Librarian
Canon: In the face of a rather improbable and unfortunate series of past events, Teito Klein has vowed to right the wrongs done to him through the powers of the Church of Barsburg, as priest. His opponent? The terror of the Barsburg military,General Ayanami, a man not known for his ability to let anything go, run around or desert him. Whoops. Fortunately, Teito's been taken in by (1) porn loving bishop by the name of Frau and the rest of the Church. The next step is surviving and executing his plan. Will Teito do it? Stay tuned!
Castor is one of Frau's fellow bishops. Although he may appear kind and proper at first, behind the glasses lurks an intelligent mind and a will of steel. Castor is a man prone to quick, decisive action, and once he's got an idea in his head, he rarely lets it go even if some people would rather he'd do just that, like his constant crusade against Frau's porn stash. Castor is the one who urged Teito into the priesthood so that he'd be able to travel as a clergyman and the autonomy that provides. Of course, the exam which most take years of their life to prepare for was in less then two months, but that's nothing all day and all night tutoring couldn't fix, according to Castor. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
Castor is also a master of control zaiphon, and can control puppets with his power, causing them to move in a lifelike manner.
Sample Post:
Ah, you look lost. If it helps, this is the library, and I'm your new research librarian. May I help you? I'm afraid that I'm quite new to this camp myself and am trying to settle in, but I'm sure that I could provide some insight into whatever the problem is. After all, besides experiencing several years of studies into all manner of secular and spiritual texts, I have several years of practical knowledge under my belt. And, of course, I have everything in here--my dolls, the catalog, and the books--at my beck and call. But here I am, woolgathering. Continue, please.
You have bad zombie infestation in your cabin? With the numbers that are present here, I can see how that might be a large problem indeed. Can you think of anything that might have triggered it? Have you done anything out of the ordinary: any relics smashed, temples desecrated, rituals interrupted? You...smashed a doll that you thought was "creepy because it was talking to you." Are you sure that was really necessary? Wanton property destruction isn't something that can just be shrugged off casually, you know, and that might have been someone's beloved possession. I'm sorry if you were concerned by its sudden noises, but I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason, and no, I don't think it being after your face or your soul counts. That would be ridiculous. There's no need to explain it any further, and if you try to demonstrate on any of my little helpers what you did to that doll, they'll have to replicate it on you. Haven't you learned your lesson about touching other peoples property? Oh, you have! I'm so glad we understand each other.
Now I thought I saw a useful book in the catalog, and it should be around here. I do hope it wasn't eaten by the survival horror section. Zombies I Have Loved, no; So I Was Engaged To An Evil Camp Dictator, no; Brains versus Bran: The Atkins Diet For The Health Conscious Zombie, no. Ah, here it is: Zombies For Dummies: You Don't Need To Use Your Brains To Keep Them, (But It Helps), and here's a troubleshooting section. Might as well start with the basic checklist first since we wouldn't want to overlook anything. You've tried holy water? I have some extra here if you need it. It's fresh from this morning too. Prayer? There are quite a few you can try if you didn't get satisfactory results the first time, and I'm sure I could improvise something. Salt? Shooting them and setting them on fire? All of that and you've even throwing objects at them? ...including your shotgun, I see. That's only a graze? Hm, you're luckier then you deserve. Everything here is so very resilient. Try not to bleed too much on the carpet, please.
...And here's the last suggestion: have you tried closing the door and locking it? No? Well, go back, try it again, and come talk to me in the morning if you still have any brains to speak of.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyle Katarn
Series: Star Wars: Dark Forces/Jedi Knight/Jedi Academy game series
Job: Covert Ops Instructor
Character Age: 38
Canon: Everything you'd expect from a cheesy 1st-person shooter protagonist, Kyle defected from the evil Empire to become a Rebel mercenary and, eventually, a Jedi Knight--the people who, aided by the mystic power of the Force, act as mediators and peacekeepers throughout the galaxy. Kyle is best known for his work in infiltration, though he has also trained several Jedi and will later write the book the government trains its spies with.
Despite all this, Kyle remains a very informal man at all times, as evidenced by the fact that he dresses like a backwater farmer (a look completed by his full beard) and doesn't mind shooting his mouth off to anyone--from petty thugs and evil masterminds to his own friends and employers. He also spends a great deal of time complaining about the layout of game levels. But perhaps the most amusing about the Jedi is that for all his fame in espionage, Kyle is the opposite of subtle in everything he does--in fact, he goes ahead and tells people he's going to make trouble for them, and his solution to most problems is generally to get more firepower.
Sample Post:
All right kids, listen up, because I only want to say this once: I'm Kyle Katarn, and I just got pulled off the closest thing I've had to a vacation in years to teach you how to sneak into places and get back out without getting caught. You've apparently been having some trouble getting your acts together, and your director wants me to crack down on you, get you on the right track. But I'm no drill sergeant--I'm just a guy with a lightsaber. So just call me Kyle, and no matter what, try to remember that I'm not a bad guy. ...And now that we've covered that, let me repeat: I'm a guy with a lightsaber. The next gorilla to try grooming my beard will be getting a very nasty reminder. Look, but don't touch.
I've been reviewing the vids of your previous training exercises, and frankly...you guys stink. Sure, sneaking in through the sewage system is clever, but you have to clean up afterward. If not for hygienic purposes, at least do it so your enemies can't smell you when you're trying to sneak up on them. And yes, taking an enemy by surprise is a great way to give yourself an advantage--but jumping out from hiding and yelling "SURPRAISE" isn't going to cut it. You know who you are. Next time try actually disabling your enemies. Remember, you're a covert agent, not a jack-in-the-box.
I understand each of you were outfitted on arrival with a firearm and a uniform. That means you're about a briefing away from trying out your first training mission. Again. Same as last time you ran through this, the "track" uniform can be used as a disguise, but I wouldn't recommend it. If you rely on a disguise, sooner or later, someone will talk to you, you'll blow your cover, and then you'll be spending some quality time in a holding cell. Just so you know, if any of you get caught because you didn't know all the latest office gossip, you'll be spending your time in the brig watching an educational vid I've been given called "Rambo." I hear the acting's punishment enough, and maybe watching this junk for a few hours will give you some good ideas for the forest maneuvers you'll have to do later.
But enough about the bad ending. Your mission is to infiltrate the underground science labs. Scientist by the name of Victoria has been developing a devastating new weapon--a Partical Accelerating Neutron Tachyon Emitter. These P.A.N.T.E.s are being stored in a closet somewhere in the labs, protected by newly-installed state-of-the-art defense turrets, trip mines, and a volunteer crew of gorilla troopers. This is where your firearms will come in handy. The closet itself is secured with a "Masterlock." There's no getting through that, so if you want to get in there, you'll have to find some sequencer charges in the labs to take the door right off its hinges.
If you kids can pull this raid off, close examination of the P.A.N.T.E.s will expose Victoria's secret for everyone to see. May the Force be with you--and this time, try not to blow the place up until after you've secured the target.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Gan Ning styled Xingba
Age: 23
Series: Musou Orochi
Occupation: Offical Go-Between for the Import and Export of Any Bootlegged Material This Side of the Mississippi
Canon: When the serpent king Orochi decided to test his strength, he went all out and punched the timestream for all he was worth. And he's worth quite a lot, thank you very much! Soon all hell broke loose, and suddenly third-century China and sixteenth-century Japan were shoved into the same plane of existence. Kingdoms were separated, families torn apart, and many rose to fight against those whom they once served proving that it's always a party when Orochi's in town.
Speaking of! Gan Ning (Xingba), formerly a former pirate of Wu, is in all ways bold, rowdy, and gruff. A pretty good guy with a fratboy mentality (girls good, fire better, free food best), he's hard to ignore and even harder to forget. This probably has nothing to do with the fact that he speaks roughly and wears bells around his waist so enemies can hear him coming at them. Loyal and loud, he's also remembered as a rough and tough prankster, often with his good buddy Ling Tong (Gongji). Too bad saying sorry just isn't part of his patchwork moral fibre. He's determined to take out his enemies and so help him, he'll do it, too - even if it means fighting against his own lord on numerous occasions.
To end, it's hard not to overstate his hatred of Orochi and his necromanced army of snakes, given that Xingba was more than willing to join the army of Wei, one of Wu's most hated enemies, just to get a chance to smite them. Lastly, permission to trashtalk Gongji was granted by player.
Sample app:
All right you, now listen up here! This ain't the first time I've been shimmied off some place I don't know nothin' about. Ya got that? It's old hat. What's more, I don't care what your Mississippi or Mistersippi or whatever river it is unless the thing's gotta dam I can use against them snakes. The bastards. Now don't any of you start gettin' your panties in a bunch over it. They aren't gonna swarm ya here. Heh, those snakes are a little occupied a ways outta here. Guess they prefer the plains to this gunk. But I ain't gonna complain. This time around they got me workin' down here in the swampland, eh? That's fine by me! Anywhere without snakes is fine. You could say I got experience in the field. Heh. I know I would. There's only one problem I can see. Or, uh, don't see, I guess. Either way, we got us a serious problem here. Seriously.
WHERE'S THE DAMN ARMY GONE?
'Oooh, Xingba, you should go prove your loyalty and take over duty at that supply depot' my ass. Is this how the great Kingdom of Wei treats its men? Take 'em out back and leave 'em there?! I guess I'm lucky those idiots with the arrows back there don't know how to shoot. Now if they were trying to shoot through that barn, that's their problem. Back in my day, we took livestock outside before we tried takin' 'em down. Is this another of them Japan things? Weirdos.
If you really need somethin' to do, you can just come on down here and take a look at all these here supplies and you can fill out some of these orders that folks put in. Now, I'm gonna be startin' up a real nice policy here where you just do what you're supposed to without whinin' or asking too many questions. If I wanna see a little girl cry over somethin', I'll go find Gongji. On second thought, that's too insulting for the real little girls out there. They'd handle it better. For future reference it's don't ask, don't tell, man. And quit laughing! There just ain't anything funny about that, unless you're tryin' to torture somebody to death with this junk.
Back to business, grunts. I see what you did there. You stand up and get back in line, awright? You don't get to lie down on the job or each other when I'm talking. So shut up! So there! Think you're gonna pull the wool over these pretty eyes, huh? Well, too bad. And nobody better show up over here with a sheep unless it's for dinner. You folks are way too literal. It's my responsibility to make sure all this stuff gets delivered and now you're just making this difficult.
Let's see here . . . We got six boxes of 'Do Asbestos You Can' lumber supplies, eight cans of liquid Plugger-Upper, four copies of 'Double Midgetration: The Movie,' two dozen banana hammocks, a bucket of platypus hair, and a half a sandwich . . . Heeey, maybe these Wei guys do know how to party. Think I'll join 'em.
You hear? Good. Time to deliver this with just a little extra tucked in here, heh heh. Do I know how to get rid of unwanted merchandise or what? Now since we can't afford any saddles yet, you men are gonna have to go it bareback. Yeah, it's real funny, I know. Maybe now you'll learn a thing or two about paying attention to your commanding officer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Allen Francis Doyle
Series: Angel: The Series
Character age: 25-26ish
Character job: Remedial studies teacher and demonic heritage counselor
Canon: In this episode of "when spinoffs attack" we'll be discussing Angel, a spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Angel is centered around, you guessed it, Angel. He's the dark, broody vampire with a soul and loads of atoning to do. So he packs up and heads to L.A. to get some serious helping of the helpless done and inevitably starts doing it wrong. So The Powers That Be send him along some sidekicks to give him a connection to both themselves and the people he's trying to help.
Doyle, conveniently, does both. He comes across as a down on his luck, affable scoundrel who gambles, drinks too much, and seems to owe money to lots of dangerous people that aren't all people. He's there to help Angel out, whether Angel wants him to or not. Add being half-demon, head-splitting visions, and an Irish accent and you've got Doyle in a nutshell. Except that there's much more to Doyle than meets the eye, and not just the blue-pincushion demon half that shows up when he sneezes. Under the scoundrel there's a bright and well-educated young man who genuinely cares for people when he isn't too caught up with his own woes and guilt. And in helping Angel he's begun to help himself a little, and even find the atonement he's looking for.
Note: Taken from after "Hero" with all the spoilers it entails.
Sample Post:
You know, man--lady, sorry. It's hard to tell with all the, you know, wiggly.--this has been one lousy day. How would you feel if you'd opened your eyes expecting to see heaven, or at least one of the less eternal-unspeakable-torment hell dimensions, and saw a swamp? With zombies, of all things. Now, I wasn't expecting harps and fluffy clouds, but heaven this is definitely not. And any hell should have fire and brimstone, in my thinking. There aren't enough familiar faces cracking their knuckles at me either. The gorillas are just too purple to pull it off; I'd remember owing cash to somebody with muscle that bright. But definitely not in the smarts department.
"It can't be either," I says to myself, "so I really need a phone, a bus ticket, some stiff drinks, and a way to pay for it all. Not necessarily in that order!" But that was easier said than done, even with the helpful voices heckling in my head. I didn't want to "follow my nose," thanks. Then one of 'em mentioned a complementary letter of employment to be delivered by gift horse. Now, I'm not the kinda guy to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when it's a gaping maw full of jagged teeth, but labeling it "Gift Hearse" doesn't really inspire confidence in a fella. And the letter itself took twenty pages to even get to the job! Somebody must work for the Department of Redundancy Department. Or the Federal Government.
So now I'm supposed to be a demon remedial studies teacher--I really don't like the sound of that--and start immediately. A fella just can't catch a break around here, yeah? Not even time to prepare, but maybe I've got time to do a trial run before my students show up. Ahem!
Right! So, demons. Everybody knows what they are. The boogiemen, the nasties that go bump in the night, the Bringers of the Apocalypse. Except that's only mostly right. There's a sliding scale, like, see. On one end you've got Harbinger of the Apocalypse evil, then really evil, merely evil and so on down to mostly harmless, benign and even Champions of the Good! And then you've got the ones that are just hungry. Like your zombies here. Nice fellas, except for needing to eat our brains to un-live. I feel sorry for 'em, just not sorry enough to give 'em a meal. Now we're gonna talk about the different kinds of mostly good demons. . .
Oh hell, but at least not literally, where's a good demonology library when you need one? I'll never remember all the facts. You know, on second thought, I'm starting to think maybe hell'd be better than this.
. . . You know, while I appreciate the offer of getting a boost up into that convenient portal to hell, shouldn't it be a little less pink?
Poll Vote!
Character: Himura Kenshin
Series: Rurouni Kenshin
Character Age: 28
Job: Laundry Boy
Canon: At first glance, Kenshin is nothing more than a
mild-mannered wanderer. With bright red hair and violet eyes, Kenshin
is often mistaken for someone half his age due to his youthful looks.
He's friendly, willing to give help to those in need and asks nothing
in return for himself. He's also a sometimes punching bag and magnet
for comedic violence, often using the word "oro" as an exclamation.
Add in his almost unhealthy love of doing laundry and it's not hard to
see why most people see him as a harmless and goofy young man.
In reality, Kenshin is much more - he is the Hitokiri Battousai, a
former assassin of the Meiji War who has spent the last ten years
traveling Japan to atone for his sins. Having traded in his katana
for a sakabato, or reverse-bladed sword, Kenshin has made a vow to
never kill again. . . . which is a difficult vow to keep, what with
all these people showing up trying to kill him or reawaken the
Battousai. But those days are in the past, and Kenshin will do
anything to protect everyone, especially those people close to him.
As a note, Kenshin uses "this one" to refer to himself.
Sample Post:
As thanks to Sayre-dono for allowing this one to stay in her village
for the time being, I have offered to give you all a few lessons. I'm
sure many of you do not believe these lessons will be something you
need to know - this one knows that you have servants, or from what
Sayre-dono has told me, "bitches" that perform this kind of work for
you. Though I'm not sure if that word is being used in the
right context. Ah, and from the condition of your hands, it's
obvious that you've already tried - many, many times, it
seems - to perform these tasks on your own here without
success. But please, allow this one a chance to show you how to do
this the proper way. And since Sayre-dono has urged me to teach you,
I will do my best to do just that.
If you'll take a look in front of you, this one has already gathered
the necessary things we'll need to begin. The basin is where we'll be
washing our clothes, and next to that is the proper soap we'll need to
wash them. There's also a few -- o-oro?! N-No sir, please, there's
no need to remove your clothes. As you can see, this one has already
provided some to practice on, so if you'll please put your clothes
back on? If you'll forgive me for being rude, this one
insists. T-Thank you.
We'll begin with getting the first piece of clothing thoroughly wet; I
understand the water may not look clean, but Sayre-dono has insisted
that the glowing is normal and will have no effect on the clothes.
While this one finds that a bit dubious, we'll continue and deal with
any abnormalities after. Now, take the soap and begin scrubbing,
making sure to focus on the stains. Is everyone still following
along? Good. You all seem to be catching on quickly! I'm proud of
you all for following along this far.
Does anyone have any questions? Ah, you in the back! . . . while
this one strongly suggests having your skin condition looked at by a
doctor, no, your skin will not cause any harm to the laundry. At
least, not that I know of. This one hasn't run into a situation like
this before. Any other questions? You still don't understand some of
this? Ah! Your partner's offered to give you a hand; thank you,
Zombie-dono. While he does that, why don't the rest of us keep an eye
on what we've washed so far, as it --
. . .
W-While this one is very pleased that you all are listening very
closely, this one didn't mean that literally. Soap can be a little
painful if one gets it in their eye. Or, in this case . . . if the
eye gets in the soap. I have some clean water up here for anyone who
wants to . . . wash off anything they just dropped into their laundry.
Oroooo . . .
Poll Vote!
Character: Peter Petrelli
Series: Heroes
Character Age: 27
Job: Youth Mutant Career Advisor
Canon: Heroes is the story of ordinary people who wake up one day with extraordinary powers. A cop can suddenly read minds, a wanted criminal can walk through walls, a Japanese salary man can stop time... you get the idea. Among these people with powers is one Peter Petrelli, a young man who led a sheltered life in the shadow of his older brother, Nathan. While Nathan became a lawyer and later a successful politician, Peter became a hospice nurse--a perfectly natural career choice for someone who just wants to help.
You see, Peter is a Nice Guy, the kind who helps old ladies cross the street and ends up staying over for tea. He's firm in his convictions, always and without fail fighting for what he thinks is right--even if doing what's right involves acting slightly suicidal (see examples at: jumping off buildings to prove a point to his brother, going on a possibly lethal interstate trip to save a cheerleader he's never met). Driven and loyal, Peter's latent Jesus tendencies crop up in canon when he's met with an opportunity to save the world or die trying. This is where his powers come in handy: possibly due to his empathic nature, Peter has the ability to "connect" with other people, absorbing their powers if they have any--like X-Men's Rogue, in a way, except without the pain and hurt. With a growing arsenal of superpowers, Peter sets off in a journey against a future he wants to prevent, a mysterious murderer, his own self, and occasionally his brother's dickery.
(Note: This is season 1 Peter.)
Sample Post:
My name is Peter Petrelli and I think I'm here to help you. I know, I know this'll sound crazy but hear me out, alright? The craziest thing just happened and I think I teleported here--teleported. I had never done that before, I didn't know I could--and it's got to mean something, it always does.
I got this letter and a job: "Youth Mutant Career Advisor". So even if I don't know how I got here, I know I'm here for a reason. I mean, I've never helped anyone 'realize their true potential.' But I've been there before, I can relate to it. Like, have you ever felt trapped? Or... maybe 'trapped' is the wrong word but-- like you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing? I've felt like that before and it's not easy to find someone who understands. So it's good that we're all here, right? Right, let me tell you why.
People like us, we're meant to do more than other people. Take me, for example. This is kinda hard to explain, but I woke up one day... and I knew I could fly. I knew and I had to do something-- it was-- that doesn't make sense, does it? But I took a chance and jumped, and Nathan-Nathan's my brother-he flew and I flew! Something like that could happen to you, and you have to be ready for it, ready to accept it, because it's part of who you are. Scary as it sounds, there's no hiding from it.
First you'll notice some changes. They're hard to predict because it's different for everyone. But maybe you'll notice something's not quite the same... like maybe when you're showering! You could find an extra pair of something, or claws or... really, it could be anything. Your skin shedding, that could be a sign of snakelike abilities; the limb loss--I'm not sure what that could mean, actually, but. You can reattach them, right? That's good! Or maybe you'll start thinking about stuff you've never thought about before, like... how, uh, appealing the lake really looks. You might have dreams about changing colors the same way the lake does-- and it's okay! Don't freak out. None of it is "normal", but it doesn't have to be bad, alright? I mean, you can learn to control it and if it's too hard at first, I'll help you. I'm good at it, I can make whatever's happening to you happen to me, and we'll sort it out together.
I'll be available 24/7, I'll let you know where as soon as I get a cabin... and guys, not all of you will be the same. Remember to be nice to the people who're different from you. A guy like me will seem like a total nut one day, doing stuff like jumping off roofs just to prove he can fly, but the next day he may very well be--that's right! An hero!
--a hero. I meant a hero.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nathan Petrelli
Series: Heroes
Character Age: About 38.
Job: Camp Fuck You Die's Favorite Son
Canon: If your average Joe woke up with the ability to fly at supersonic speeds, he probably wouldn't be half as grumpy about it as Nathan Petrelli. Nathan's a man with a lot on his plate-not only is he a (depending on whom you ask) devoted family man, he's also seeing through his dreams of political power. At the beginning of Heroes, Nathan Petrelli's face is on billboards and buses that advertise him as the right choice for New York congressman. Polls don't favor the peculiar, so Nathan hastily dismisses the extraordinary and guards his superpowered secret as well as his campaign.
After all, who wouldn't vote Petrelli? At a glance, Nathan seems like the perfect congressional candidate: he's charismatic and thoughtful, with a level head on his shoulders and an all-American background of law school and military service. He's had all the makings of a great politician from the get-go, including a million-dollar smile, moral ambiguity, and copious amounts of illicit love affairs. And, okay, so maybe his family occasionally ranks lower on his list of priorities than his campaign...and, sure, maybe those illicit love affairs have produced illicit consequences along the way. Sure, away from the cameras and news crews Nathan can be a real dick. But when push comes to shove, he isn't a bad guy. Imminent mass destruction, burning buildings, and women in need tend to draw out his reluctant inner do-gooder; his love for his little brother Peter is inevitably what drags out his inner hero.
Sample Post:
Before I begin to address the...circumstances surrounding my arrival at this camp, I'd like to make a brief announcement: There's a black SUV parked on the lakeside, and it is being blocked. If the owner of the, ah, half-beached pirate ship doing the blocking would please move his or her vehicle? It's dripping on the exterior. You'll pardon my slight aversion to sewage...and barnacles-it's a nice car, alright? Work with me here. While you're doing that, I guess I should get around to introducing myself.
Good afternoon, Camp. My name is Nathan Petrelli, and back home I'm running for Congress in the state of New York. That probably doesn't interest you a bit, seeing as how this is Louisiana, so I'll make this informal. I-don't really want to be here, and as luck would have it you don't really want to be here either. Still, I wouldn't be an American if I didn't have a certain affinity for summer camps. Don't get me wrong, this place is no Camp David, but I-I'd say it's definitely workable. It has a certain finesse that you just can't get with regular kids' camps. Why gather around the plain ol' tinder-and-kindling campfire when you can warm yourself by that green lakeside glow? Why skin a salmon when you can pluck a toucan? I can almost understand the appeal.
But just because I've a special place in my heart for those golden, swamp-hazed summer days doesn't mean I'm too charmed by this deathtrap of a vacation home. Not nearly enough to consider holding office here. Truly gracious of you to offer, lord knows I've been in the market for..."the seat of a dictatorial madman willing to incite change, but not too much change, just enough to keep both rotted and lively mouths full while still supporting tax breaks". Nice job description. Is this on all the pamphlets? But I remain a busy man in my real home state, and running in two elections at once is in somewhat poor taste, so I'm just here to get my little brother and skedaddle. Yes, I realize a successful campaign takes a little diversity, and I'm grateful for your proffered support, but my New York campaign is in no way lacking in "average white male"-three-month-old corpse white is still white, after all.
It's been a laugh and a half, but I really should be going. There's no conceivable reason for a nice guy like me to be in a place like this. I'm a politician, not an anomaly or...really any kind of one-man freak show-I'm a diplomat. And if I could be pointed in the direction of the dictatorial madman currently in charge, I'm sure we can negotiate some terms of release for myself and my brother. I understand that you're dissatisfied with your current living conditions, but please, draw up a petition or write your state representative. The decision rule here may be somewhat unconventional, but I urge you not to underestimate your power as a voting American.
I mean, how hard can it be to swing a seventy percent majority?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed, and I'm spent.
Character: Hajun Cho
Series: I.N.V.U.
Character Age: 25
Job: Science Teacher/Tutor
Canon: Have you ever wanted something so bad that you can almost taste it? The cast of I.N.V.U. has, and they're willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish their dreams - including blackmail, working crappy part-time jobs, and eating pastries until they burst. I Envy You is a story full of drama, angst and romance. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. With high tension and equally high emotions heating up everywhere, it's a wonder nobody's gotten burned.
The exception to all the crazy is Hajun Cho; the mature, clean-cut adult with good morals. As the heir to a wealthy education corporation, all Hajun really wants to do in life is work a decent job, find a nice girl to marry, settle down and have cute kids. He is a mostly calm and collected individual with the ability to take things in stride. He's also a bit of a dork with a penchant for dangerous science experiments. This isn't to say that Hajun isn't without his own share of problems. Between the stress from the duties he's expected to perform as an heir and the unwanted arranged marriage his adoptive father is determined he have, Hajun's got quite a bit on his plate. He's a teacher at a local high school where everybody loves him and all the girls want him. He even has his own fan club (although they don't know that he's only recently just had his first kiss, nor will they ever)! Friendly, good-looking and smart, Hajun cares a great deal about his students, and has a strong sense of duty and loyalty towards his job.
Sample Post:
Hello, everyone! I'm Hajun Cho and it's a pleasure to be teaching you all here. For our first class, I thought we could do a little hands-on project to show you that science isn't always about boring lessons and memorizing the periodic table. Although that will be necessary to get a passing grade, heh! On your desks there should be a rubber suit like the one I'm wearing. I'm going to need you to put them on and follow me. Yes, I realize they look a bit like condoms, but they're not and that's that. And you there in the back, I know it's pretty hot since it's summer and all, but that's really no reason to take off all your clothes. The suit will fit over them just fine. Is everyone ready? Let's go, then.
As you can see, the water in the lake has a few abnormal qualities to it. First of all, you should notice that it has a shimmering rainbow sheen as opposed to the usual blue-green hue. To be honest, I don't know why or how it is the way it is, but hopefully with a little digging around, we can learn something interesting! ♪ Just to warn you all, though, I did do some preliminary testing and the water can cause some mild skin irritation - hence the suits. Whatever you do, please try not to get any on your face or in your mouth. The water tastes a bit like burning. Now, here are some nets, buckets and testing strips. I want you to split into groups, pick a color and get to work. I'll be walking around to check on how you're all doing and answer any questions you might have.
You guys over there, you picked blue, right? How's it going? Find anything good? Let's see. We've got a pirate hat, a skeletal hand and an eyeball that looks like it's decomposing. Hey, is anyone missing an eye? We've got one over here! --Wait, really? Quit kidding around. There's no way! Did you guys get anything from the water itself? What do you mean everything came up as blueberry? Stop pulling my leg and let me see those test strips. . . . Wow. It actually says "blueberry" right there on the paper. That's pretty strange and kind of neat at the same time, seeing as how that's not how these are normally supposed to work. And they all came out this way, too. I wonder if it's like that for the other groups. Hey, what about you guys that picked yellow? Bring your stuff over. Ha ha, it says "lemon." I feel like there's a "taste the rainbow" joke to be made in here somewhere. And you found a broken vibrator, batteries and a blow up doll with strategically placed holes. . . . OK, then! Well, I see the batteries and the vibrator, but where's the -
Hey! Put that doll down right this instant. That is inappropriate public behavior and not something someone of your age should be doing! And no, I am not a prude. What does it matter if I'm a virgin or not? My sex life is not up for discussion. If I say you're too young, then you're too young. End of story. Now, if everyone would please hurry up get out of the water, I think the giant, looming, tentacled creature behind me would like us to leave. Or for you to leave, anyway. The arm wrapped around my leg makes me think it wants me to stay. All of you go back to class as quick as you can, get changed and we'll meet up again tomorrow at the same time. I hope.
Ha ha, I suppose I should be glad I'm wearing this suit or I might be in a lot of trouble!
Poll Vote!
Name: Castor
Age: appears to be in his mid to late twenties Is actually deader'n dead.
Series: 07-Ghost
Job: Research Librarian
Canon: In the face of a rather improbable and unfortunate series of past events, Teito Klein has vowed to right the wrongs done to him through the powers of the Church of Barsburg, as priest. His opponent? The terror of the Barsburg military,General Ayanami, a man not known for his ability to let anything go, run around or desert him. Whoops. Fortunately, Teito's been taken in by (1) porn loving bishop by the name of Frau and the rest of the Church. The next step is surviving and executing his plan. Will Teito do it? Stay tuned!
Castor is one of Frau's fellow bishops. Although he may appear kind and proper at first, behind the glasses lurks an intelligent mind and a will of steel. Castor is a man prone to quick, decisive action, and once he's got an idea in his head, he rarely lets it go even if some people would rather he'd do just that, like his constant crusade against Frau's porn stash. Castor is the one who urged Teito into the priesthood so that he'd be able to travel as a clergyman and the autonomy that provides. Of course, the exam which most take years of their life to prepare for was in less then two months, but that's nothing all day and all night tutoring couldn't fix, according to Castor. After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
Castor is also a master of control zaiphon, and can control puppets with his power, causing them to move in a lifelike manner.
Sample Post:
Ah, you look lost. If it helps, this is the library, and I'm your new research librarian. May I help you? I'm afraid that I'm quite new to this camp myself and am trying to settle in, but I'm sure that I could provide some insight into whatever the problem is. After all, besides experiencing several years of studies into all manner of secular and spiritual texts, I have several years of practical knowledge under my belt. And, of course, I have everything in here--my dolls, the catalog, and the books--at my beck and call. But here I am, woolgathering. Continue, please.
You have bad zombie infestation in your cabin? With the numbers that are present here, I can see how that might be a large problem indeed. Can you think of anything that might have triggered it? Have you done anything out of the ordinary: any relics smashed, temples desecrated, rituals interrupted? You...smashed a doll that you thought was "creepy because it was talking to you." Are you sure that was really necessary? Wanton property destruction isn't something that can just be shrugged off casually, you know, and that might have been someone's beloved possession. I'm sorry if you were concerned by its sudden noises, but I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason, and no, I don't think it being after your face or your soul counts. That would be ridiculous. There's no need to explain it any further, and if you try to demonstrate on any of my little helpers what you did to that doll, they'll have to replicate it on you. Haven't you learned your lesson about touching other peoples property? Oh, you have! I'm so glad we understand each other.
Now I thought I saw a useful book in the catalog, and it should be around here. I do hope it wasn't eaten by the survival horror section. Zombies I Have Loved, no; So I Was Engaged To An Evil Camp Dictator, no; Brains versus Bran: The Atkins Diet For The Health Conscious Zombie, no. Ah, here it is: Zombies For Dummies: You Don't Need To Use Your Brains To Keep Them, (But It Helps), and here's a troubleshooting section. Might as well start with the basic checklist first since we wouldn't want to overlook anything. You've tried holy water? I have some extra here if you need it. It's fresh from this morning too. Prayer? There are quite a few you can try if you didn't get satisfactory results the first time, and I'm sure I could improvise something. Salt? Shooting them and setting them on fire? All of that and you've even throwing objects at them? ...including your shotgun, I see. That's only a graze? Hm, you're luckier then you deserve. Everything here is so very resilient. Try not to bleed too much on the carpet, please.
...And here's the last suggestion: have you tried closing the door and locking it? No? Well, go back, try it again, and come talk to me in the morning if you still have any brains to speak of.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyle Katarn
Series: Star Wars: Dark Forces/Jedi Knight/Jedi Academy game series
Job: Covert Ops Instructor
Character Age: 38
Canon: Everything you'd expect from a cheesy 1st-person shooter protagonist, Kyle defected from the evil Empire to become a Rebel mercenary and, eventually, a Jedi Knight--the people who, aided by the mystic power of the Force, act as mediators and peacekeepers throughout the galaxy. Kyle is best known for his work in infiltration, though he has also trained several Jedi and will later write the book the government trains its spies with.
Despite all this, Kyle remains a very informal man at all times, as evidenced by the fact that he dresses like a backwater farmer (a look completed by his full beard) and doesn't mind shooting his mouth off to anyone--from petty thugs and evil masterminds to his own friends and employers. He also spends a great deal of time complaining about the layout of game levels. But perhaps the most amusing about the Jedi is that for all his fame in espionage, Kyle is the opposite of subtle in everything he does--in fact, he goes ahead and tells people he's going to make trouble for them, and his solution to most problems is generally to get more firepower.
Sample Post:
All right kids, listen up, because I only want to say this once: I'm Kyle Katarn, and I just got pulled off the closest thing I've had to a vacation in years to teach you how to sneak into places and get back out without getting caught. You've apparently been having some trouble getting your acts together, and your director wants me to crack down on you, get you on the right track. But I'm no drill sergeant--I'm just a guy with a lightsaber. So just call me Kyle, and no matter what, try to remember that I'm not a bad guy. ...And now that we've covered that, let me repeat: I'm a guy with a lightsaber. The next gorilla to try grooming my beard will be getting a very nasty reminder. Look, but don't touch.
I've been reviewing the vids of your previous training exercises, and frankly...you guys stink. Sure, sneaking in through the sewage system is clever, but you have to clean up afterward. If not for hygienic purposes, at least do it so your enemies can't smell you when you're trying to sneak up on them. And yes, taking an enemy by surprise is a great way to give yourself an advantage--but jumping out from hiding and yelling "SURPRAISE" isn't going to cut it. You know who you are. Next time try actually disabling your enemies. Remember, you're a covert agent, not a jack-in-the-box.
I understand each of you were outfitted on arrival with a firearm and a uniform. That means you're about a briefing away from trying out your first training mission. Again. Same as last time you ran through this, the "track" uniform can be used as a disguise, but I wouldn't recommend it. If you rely on a disguise, sooner or later, someone will talk to you, you'll blow your cover, and then you'll be spending some quality time in a holding cell. Just so you know, if any of you get caught because you didn't know all the latest office gossip, you'll be spending your time in the brig watching an educational vid I've been given called "Rambo." I hear the acting's punishment enough, and maybe watching this junk for a few hours will give you some good ideas for the forest maneuvers you'll have to do later.
But enough about the bad ending. Your mission is to infiltrate the underground science labs. Scientist by the name of Victoria has been developing a devastating new weapon--a Partical Accelerating Neutron Tachyon Emitter. These P.A.N.T.E.s are being stored in a closet somewhere in the labs, protected by newly-installed state-of-the-art defense turrets, trip mines, and a volunteer crew of gorilla troopers. This is where your firearms will come in handy. The closet itself is secured with a "Masterlock." There's no getting through that, so if you want to get in there, you'll have to find some sequencer charges in the labs to take the door right off its hinges.
If you kids can pull this raid off, close examination of the P.A.N.T.E.s will expose Victoria's secret for everyone to see. May the Force be with you--and this time, try not to blow the place up until after you've secured the target.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Gan Ning styled Xingba
Age: 23
Series: Musou Orochi
Occupation: Offical Go-Between for the Import and Export of Any Bootlegged Material This Side of the Mississippi
Canon: When the serpent king Orochi decided to test his strength, he went all out and punched the timestream for all he was worth. And he's worth quite a lot, thank you very much! Soon all hell broke loose, and suddenly third-century China and sixteenth-century Japan were shoved into the same plane of existence. Kingdoms were separated, families torn apart, and many rose to fight against those whom they once served proving that it's always a party when Orochi's in town.
Speaking of! Gan Ning (Xingba), formerly a former pirate of Wu, is in all ways bold, rowdy, and gruff. A pretty good guy with a fratboy mentality (girls good, fire better, free food best), he's hard to ignore and even harder to forget. This probably has nothing to do with the fact that he speaks roughly and wears bells around his waist so enemies can hear him coming at them. Loyal and loud, he's also remembered as a rough and tough prankster, often with his good buddy Ling Tong (Gongji). Too bad saying sorry just isn't part of his patchwork moral fibre. He's determined to take out his enemies and so help him, he'll do it, too - even if it means fighting against his own lord on numerous occasions.
To end, it's hard not to overstate his hatred of Orochi and his necromanced army of snakes, given that Xingba was more than willing to join the army of Wei, one of Wu's most hated enemies, just to get a chance to smite them. Lastly, permission to trashtalk Gongji was granted by player.
Sample app:
All right you, now listen up here! This ain't the first time I've been shimmied off some place I don't know nothin' about. Ya got that? It's old hat. What's more, I don't care what your Mississippi or Mistersippi or whatever river it is unless the thing's gotta dam I can use against them snakes. The bastards. Now don't any of you start gettin' your panties in a bunch over it. They aren't gonna swarm ya here. Heh, those snakes are a little occupied a ways outta here. Guess they prefer the plains to this gunk. But I ain't gonna complain. This time around they got me workin' down here in the swampland, eh? That's fine by me! Anywhere without snakes is fine. You could say I got experience in the field. Heh. I know I would. There's only one problem I can see. Or, uh, don't see, I guess. Either way, we got us a serious problem here. Seriously.
WHERE'S THE DAMN ARMY GONE?
'Oooh, Xingba, you should go prove your loyalty and take over duty at that supply depot' my ass. Is this how the great Kingdom of Wei treats its men? Take 'em out back and leave 'em there?! I guess I'm lucky those idiots with the arrows back there don't know how to shoot. Now if they were trying to shoot through that barn, that's their problem. Back in my day, we took livestock outside before we tried takin' 'em down. Is this another of them Japan things? Weirdos.
If you really need somethin' to do, you can just come on down here and take a look at all these here supplies and you can fill out some of these orders that folks put in. Now, I'm gonna be startin' up a real nice policy here where you just do what you're supposed to without whinin' or asking too many questions. If I wanna see a little girl cry over somethin', I'll go find Gongji. On second thought, that's too insulting for the real little girls out there. They'd handle it better. For future reference it's don't ask, don't tell, man. And quit laughing! There just ain't anything funny about that, unless you're tryin' to torture somebody to death with this junk.
Back to business, grunts. I see what you did there. You stand up and get back in line, awright? You don't get to lie down on the job or each other when I'm talking. So shut up! So there! Think you're gonna pull the wool over these pretty eyes, huh? Well, too bad. And nobody better show up over here with a sheep unless it's for dinner. You folks are way too literal. It's my responsibility to make sure all this stuff gets delivered and now you're just making this difficult.
Let's see here . . . We got six boxes of 'Do Asbestos You Can' lumber supplies, eight cans of liquid Plugger-Upper, four copies of 'Double Midgetration: The Movie,' two dozen banana hammocks, a bucket of platypus hair, and a half a sandwich . . . Heeey, maybe these Wei guys do know how to party. Think I'll join 'em.
You hear? Good. Time to deliver this with just a little extra tucked in here, heh heh. Do I know how to get rid of unwanted merchandise or what? Now since we can't afford any saddles yet, you men are gonna have to go it bareback. Yeah, it's real funny, I know. Maybe now you'll learn a thing or two about paying attention to your commanding officer.
Poll Vote!
Character: Allen Francis Doyle
Series: Angel: The Series
Character age: 25-26ish
Character job: Remedial studies teacher and demonic heritage counselor
Canon: In this episode of "when spinoffs attack" we'll be discussing Angel, a spinoff of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Angel is centered around, you guessed it, Angel. He's the dark, broody vampire with a soul and loads of atoning to do. So he packs up and heads to L.A. to get some serious helping of the helpless done and inevitably starts doing it wrong. So The Powers That Be send him along some sidekicks to give him a connection to both themselves and the people he's trying to help.
Doyle, conveniently, does both. He comes across as a down on his luck, affable scoundrel who gambles, drinks too much, and seems to owe money to lots of dangerous people that aren't all people. He's there to help Angel out, whether Angel wants him to or not. Add being half-demon, head-splitting visions, and an Irish accent and you've got Doyle in a nutshell. Except that there's much more to Doyle than meets the eye, and not just the blue-pincushion demon half that shows up when he sneezes. Under the scoundrel there's a bright and well-educated young man who genuinely cares for people when he isn't too caught up with his own woes and guilt. And in helping Angel he's begun to help himself a little, and even find the atonement he's looking for.
Note: Taken from after "Hero" with all the spoilers it entails.
Sample Post:
You know, man--lady, sorry. It's hard to tell with all the, you know, wiggly.--this has been one lousy day. How would you feel if you'd opened your eyes expecting to see heaven, or at least one of the less eternal-unspeakable-torment hell dimensions, and saw a swamp? With zombies, of all things. Now, I wasn't expecting harps and fluffy clouds, but heaven this is definitely not. And any hell should have fire and brimstone, in my thinking. There aren't enough familiar faces cracking their knuckles at me either. The gorillas are just too purple to pull it off; I'd remember owing cash to somebody with muscle that bright. But definitely not in the smarts department.
"It can't be either," I says to myself, "so I really need a phone, a bus ticket, some stiff drinks, and a way to pay for it all. Not necessarily in that order!" But that was easier said than done, even with the helpful voices heckling in my head. I didn't want to "follow my nose," thanks. Then one of 'em mentioned a complementary letter of employment to be delivered by gift horse. Now, I'm not the kinda guy to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when it's a gaping maw full of jagged teeth, but labeling it "Gift Hearse" doesn't really inspire confidence in a fella. And the letter itself took twenty pages to even get to the job! Somebody must work for the Department of Redundancy Department. Or the Federal Government.
So now I'm supposed to be a demon remedial studies teacher--I really don't like the sound of that--and start immediately. A fella just can't catch a break around here, yeah? Not even time to prepare, but maybe I've got time to do a trial run before my students show up. Ahem!
Right! So, demons. Everybody knows what they are. The boogiemen, the nasties that go bump in the night, the Bringers of the Apocalypse. Except that's only mostly right. There's a sliding scale, like, see. On one end you've got Harbinger of the Apocalypse evil, then really evil, merely evil and so on down to mostly harmless, benign and even Champions of the Good! And then you've got the ones that are just hungry. Like your zombies here. Nice fellas, except for needing to eat our brains to un-live. I feel sorry for 'em, just not sorry enough to give 'em a meal. Now we're gonna talk about the different kinds of mostly good demons. . .
Oh hell, but at least not literally, where's a good demonology library when you need one? I'll never remember all the facts. You know, on second thought, I'm starting to think maybe hell'd be better than this.
. . . You know, while I appreciate the offer of getting a boost up into that convenient portal to hell, shouldn't it be a little less pink?
Poll Vote!
Character: Himura Kenshin
Series: Rurouni Kenshin
Character Age: 28
Job: Laundry Boy
Canon: At first glance, Kenshin is nothing more than a
mild-mannered wanderer. With bright red hair and violet eyes, Kenshin
is often mistaken for someone half his age due to his youthful looks.
He's friendly, willing to give help to those in need and asks nothing
in return for himself. He's also a sometimes punching bag and magnet
for comedic violence, often using the word "oro" as an exclamation.
Add in his almost unhealthy love of doing laundry and it's not hard to
see why most people see him as a harmless and goofy young man.
In reality, Kenshin is much more - he is the Hitokiri Battousai, a
former assassin of the Meiji War who has spent the last ten years
traveling Japan to atone for his sins. Having traded in his katana
for a sakabato, or reverse-bladed sword, Kenshin has made a vow to
never kill again. . . . which is a difficult vow to keep, what with
all these people showing up trying to kill him or reawaken the
Battousai. But those days are in the past, and Kenshin will do
anything to protect everyone, especially those people close to him.
As a note, Kenshin uses "this one" to refer to himself.
Sample Post:
As thanks to Sayre-dono for allowing this one to stay in her village
for the time being, I have offered to give you all a few lessons. I'm
sure many of you do not believe these lessons will be something you
need to know - this one knows that you have servants, or from what
Sayre-dono has told me, "bitches" that perform this kind of work for
you. Though I'm not sure if that word is being used in the
right context. Ah, and from the condition of your hands, it's
obvious that you've already tried - many, many times, it
seems - to perform these tasks on your own here without
success. But please, allow this one a chance to show you how to do
this the proper way. And since Sayre-dono has urged me to teach you,
I will do my best to do just that.
If you'll take a look in front of you, this one has already gathered
the necessary things we'll need to begin. The basin is where we'll be
washing our clothes, and next to that is the proper soap we'll need to
wash them. There's also a few -- o-oro?! N-No sir, please, there's
no need to remove your clothes. As you can see, this one has already
provided some to practice on, so if you'll please put your clothes
back on? If you'll forgive me for being rude, this one
insists. T-Thank you.
We'll begin with getting the first piece of clothing thoroughly wet; I
understand the water may not look clean, but Sayre-dono has insisted
that the glowing is normal and will have no effect on the clothes.
While this one finds that a bit dubious, we'll continue and deal with
any abnormalities after. Now, take the soap and begin scrubbing,
making sure to focus on the stains. Is everyone still following
along? Good. You all seem to be catching on quickly! I'm proud of
you all for following along this far.
Does anyone have any questions? Ah, you in the back! . . . while
this one strongly suggests having your skin condition looked at by a
doctor, no, your skin will not cause any harm to the laundry. At
least, not that I know of. This one hasn't run into a situation like
this before. Any other questions? You still don't understand some of
this? Ah! Your partner's offered to give you a hand; thank you,
Zombie-dono. While he does that, why don't the rest of us keep an eye
on what we've washed so far, as it --
. . .
W-While this one is very pleased that you all are listening very
closely, this one didn't mean that literally. Soap can be a little
painful if one gets it in their eye. Or, in this case . . . if the
eye gets in the soap. I have some clean water up here for anyone who
wants to . . . wash off anything they just dropped into their laundry.
Oroooo . . .
Poll Vote!
Character: Peter Petrelli
Series: Heroes
Character Age: 27
Job: Youth Mutant Career Advisor
Canon: Heroes is the story of ordinary people who wake up one day with extraordinary powers. A cop can suddenly read minds, a wanted criminal can walk through walls, a Japanese salary man can stop time... you get the idea. Among these people with powers is one Peter Petrelli, a young man who led a sheltered life in the shadow of his older brother, Nathan. While Nathan became a lawyer and later a successful politician, Peter became a hospice nurse--a perfectly natural career choice for someone who just wants to help.
You see, Peter is a Nice Guy, the kind who helps old ladies cross the street and ends up staying over for tea. He's firm in his convictions, always and without fail fighting for what he thinks is right--even if doing what's right involves acting slightly suicidal (see examples at: jumping off buildings to prove a point to his brother, going on a possibly lethal interstate trip to save a cheerleader he's never met). Driven and loyal, Peter's latent Jesus tendencies crop up in canon when he's met with an opportunity to save the world or die trying. This is where his powers come in handy: possibly due to his empathic nature, Peter has the ability to "connect" with other people, absorbing their powers if they have any--like X-Men's Rogue, in a way, except without the pain and hurt. With a growing arsenal of superpowers, Peter sets off in a journey against a future he wants to prevent, a mysterious murderer, his own self, and occasionally his brother's dickery.
(Note: This is season 1 Peter.)
Sample Post:
My name is Peter Petrelli and I think I'm here to help you. I know, I know this'll sound crazy but hear me out, alright? The craziest thing just happened and I think I teleported here--teleported. I had never done that before, I didn't know I could--and it's got to mean something, it always does.
I got this letter and a job: "Youth Mutant Career Advisor". So even if I don't know how I got here, I know I'm here for a reason. I mean, I've never helped anyone 'realize their true potential.' But I've been there before, I can relate to it. Like, have you ever felt trapped? Or... maybe 'trapped' is the wrong word but-- like you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing? I've felt like that before and it's not easy to find someone who understands. So it's good that we're all here, right? Right, let me tell you why.
People like us, we're meant to do more than other people. Take me, for example. This is kinda hard to explain, but I woke up one day... and I knew I could fly. I knew and I had to do something-- it was-- that doesn't make sense, does it? But I took a chance and jumped, and Nathan-Nathan's my brother-he flew and I flew! Something like that could happen to you, and you have to be ready for it, ready to accept it, because it's part of who you are. Scary as it sounds, there's no hiding from it.
First you'll notice some changes. They're hard to predict because it's different for everyone. But maybe you'll notice something's not quite the same... like maybe when you're showering! You could find an extra pair of something, or claws or... really, it could be anything. Your skin shedding, that could be a sign of snakelike abilities; the limb loss--I'm not sure what that could mean, actually, but. You can reattach them, right? That's good! Or maybe you'll start thinking about stuff you've never thought about before, like... how, uh, appealing the lake really looks. You might have dreams about changing colors the same way the lake does-- and it's okay! Don't freak out. None of it is "normal", but it doesn't have to be bad, alright? I mean, you can learn to control it and if it's too hard at first, I'll help you. I'm good at it, I can make whatever's happening to you happen to me, and we'll sort it out together.
I'll be available 24/7, I'll let you know where as soon as I get a cabin... and guys, not all of you will be the same. Remember to be nice to the people who're different from you. A guy like me will seem like a total nut one day, doing stuff like jumping off roofs just to prove he can fly, but the next day he may very well be--that's right! An hero!
--a hero. I meant a hero.
Poll Vote!
Character: Nathan Petrelli
Series: Heroes
Character Age: About 38.
Job: Camp Fuck You Die's Favorite Son
Canon: If your average Joe woke up with the ability to fly at supersonic speeds, he probably wouldn't be half as grumpy about it as Nathan Petrelli. Nathan's a man with a lot on his plate-not only is he a (depending on whom you ask) devoted family man, he's also seeing through his dreams of political power. At the beginning of Heroes, Nathan Petrelli's face is on billboards and buses that advertise him as the right choice for New York congressman. Polls don't favor the peculiar, so Nathan hastily dismisses the extraordinary and guards his superpowered secret as well as his campaign.
After all, who wouldn't vote Petrelli? At a glance, Nathan seems like the perfect congressional candidate: he's charismatic and thoughtful, with a level head on his shoulders and an all-American background of law school and military service. He's had all the makings of a great politician from the get-go, including a million-dollar smile, moral ambiguity, and copious amounts of illicit love affairs. And, okay, so maybe his family occasionally ranks lower on his list of priorities than his campaign...and, sure, maybe those illicit love affairs have produced illicit consequences along the way. Sure, away from the cameras and news crews Nathan can be a real dick. But when push comes to shove, he isn't a bad guy. Imminent mass destruction, burning buildings, and women in need tend to draw out his reluctant inner do-gooder; his love for his little brother Peter is inevitably what drags out his inner hero.
Sample Post:
Before I begin to address the...circumstances surrounding my arrival at this camp, I'd like to make a brief announcement: There's a black SUV parked on the lakeside, and it is being blocked. If the owner of the, ah, half-beached pirate ship doing the blocking would please move his or her vehicle? It's dripping on the exterior. You'll pardon my slight aversion to sewage...and barnacles-it's a nice car, alright? Work with me here. While you're doing that, I guess I should get around to introducing myself.
Good afternoon, Camp. My name is Nathan Petrelli, and back home I'm running for Congress in the state of New York. That probably doesn't interest you a bit, seeing as how this is Louisiana, so I'll make this informal. I-don't really want to be here, and as luck would have it you don't really want to be here either. Still, I wouldn't be an American if I didn't have a certain affinity for summer camps. Don't get me wrong, this place is no Camp David, but I-I'd say it's definitely workable. It has a certain finesse that you just can't get with regular kids' camps. Why gather around the plain ol' tinder-and-kindling campfire when you can warm yourself by that green lakeside glow? Why skin a salmon when you can pluck a toucan? I can almost understand the appeal.
But just because I've a special place in my heart for those golden, swamp-hazed summer days doesn't mean I'm too charmed by this deathtrap of a vacation home. Not nearly enough to consider holding office here. Truly gracious of you to offer, lord knows I've been in the market for..."the seat of a dictatorial madman willing to incite change, but not too much change, just enough to keep both rotted and lively mouths full while still supporting tax breaks". Nice job description. Is this on all the pamphlets? But I remain a busy man in my real home state, and running in two elections at once is in somewhat poor taste, so I'm just here to get my little brother and skedaddle. Yes, I realize a successful campaign takes a little diversity, and I'm grateful for your proffered support, but my New York campaign is in no way lacking in "average white male"-three-month-old corpse white is still white, after all.
It's been a laugh and a half, but I really should be going. There's no conceivable reason for a nice guy like me to be in a place like this. I'm a politician, not an anomaly or...really any kind of one-man freak show-I'm a diplomat. And if I could be pointed in the direction of the dictatorial madman currently in charge, I'm sure we can negotiate some terms of release for myself and my brother. I understand that you're dissatisfied with your current living conditions, but please, draw up a petition or write your state representative. The decision rule here may be somewhat unconventional, but I urge you not to underestimate your power as a voting American.
I mean, how hard can it be to swing a seventy percent majority?
Poll Vote!