(no subject)
Next batch, and there's a dup at the end of this one!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. LOOKS GOOD TO ME. Cloooosed.
Character: Yamazaki Kaoru
Series: Welcome to the N.H.K. (manga)
Age: around 20
Canon: Welcome to the N.H.K. is the tale of brave revolutionaries facing down THE MAN. After all, it can't possibly be their fault that they're failures; it's all a government conspiracy, don't you see? In short, this is the story of unemployed, socially phobic fuckup Satou Tatsuhiro and the lesser fuckups who love him enough to cockblock his suicide attempts. Yamazaki Kaoru is probably the most stable and functional of this lot, but that's really not saying much; a raunchy self-described otaku, Yamazaki seeks comfort in a fictional world. His dream in life? To create the greatest pornographic game the world has ever seen with the help of his senpai, Satou!!! To this end, he's steeped himself in otaku culture quite thoroughly; when he's not attending animation school, he's busy watching anime, buying merchandise, roleplaying online, or downloading porn... for research, of course.
Although he's a good person at heart and has his moments of tenderness and introspection, and although he is far more comfortable in society than his friends, most often Yamazaki is loud, abrasive, obsessive, extremely dramatic, perverted, and would love nothing more than to hide from reality and intimacy. He's terrified of the idea of sex or love with real women and absorbs himself in his quest to create the perfect fictional woman for his game... but, to put it lightly, Yamazaki's idea of "moe" (cuteness, kind of) is more than a little bizarre, and his creative endeavors speak volumes about his Issues.
Sample Post:
Sure, traditionalists might call me a fool - nay, a madman! "Yamazaki," they'd say, "it's insane to go to America to research moe! Isn't America full of teenage girls whose idea of being a fan is to spank people at conventions with wooden paddles? Not to mention fat cosplayers who dare to desecrate the iconic plugsuit of Ayanami Rei with their tubby forms? I'll save you, Rei-chan! And isn't it true that the only reason an otaku like you would ever go to America is in a last-ditch effort to avoid moving back home to the family farm and to escape the advances of your girlfriend? Shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself for shirking your responsibilities as a son and a man?" ... HELL NO! This is nothing but an innocent business trip. S-shut the hell up, already! What do you know about my dreams?!
That's exactly the problem with today's otaku: they have no vision. Sure, it's a little unconventional to do research for a hentai game in America, but I'm aiming for the top, here! I need fresh material never before seen in Japan - and for that, I need to do some international espionage. Just call me... Bondage. James Bondage. Double-oh-sixty-nine. Oh yes, I could sense that the American ero-game developers were underplaying their hands. But wait until Satou-san hears this! Who would suspect that those crazy Americans have already planted the seeds of the virtual sex revolution? Here at Camp Fuck You Die - what a title! - I've finally found the ideal setting for our game!
I'll name the heroine "Sexy Zombie Tsukiko-chan," and she will be the epitome of moe! Arrgh - the plot is coming to me in a burst of inspiration! She's undead... because she sacrificed her life for the main character, who was her beloved classmate! Her love for him trapped her soul in her dead body, and now she depends utterly on his charity, living only for the sake of the player... it's a man's most precious dream! Smilingly tenderly, he stitches back on her lost limbs with red thread, symbolizing their shared destiny. Tsukiko-chan shyly smiles back and compliments his brains. Men love that! And then they embrace passionately by the lake, never noticing as the tentacles creep closer... oh my god, yes, it's like Ju-on meets La Blue Girl meets Sister Princess! Can something this original possibly fail to gain national recognition?
Now, Tsukiko-chan, just hold that pose while I sketch some concept art... a tranquil yet foreboding shot by the lake is the ideal synopsis of what Camp Fuck You Die is all about. I'm going to take the liberty of drawing you with both eyes for now, although we might be able to work that into the plot somehow later. Everyone loves girls with eyepatches! Ah, Marcy-san, would you mind holding up your tentacles just a bit higher? And try to look menacing. We're going to be stars, ladies! It's Camp Fuck You Die: Dead Girls Don't Say "Iyaaaan," coming - if you know what I mean - next Halloween!
National recognition? Hell, I'll be getting the Nobel Prize for this one!
Poll Vote!
Character: Serph.
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga.
Character Age: Physically around 17-20 years old.
Canon: Basically, Digital Devil Saga takes places in the Junkyard, a battlefield where it always rains, animals and plants are non-existent, and six emotionless tribes fight against each others with the goal of reaching Nirvana, something which was shaken up a bit when they all spontaneously became demon cannibals and developed emotions. A nice, G-rated setting, right?
Serph is the leader of the Embryon Tribe. He's a silent protagonist but shows his emotions clearly, is extremely protective of his comrades and kind of a dork sometimes. He has two different dialogue choices, the serious one (always very thoughtful, almost philosophical) and the retard one (for example, when one of his comrades worries that a portrait in a castle looks like someone they know, he forgets the portrait but remembers how cute a nearby statue of a fairy was). Despite Serph being silent, everyone seems to understand him from just a glance. And although he has a slight dislike towards violence and is occasionally reluctant to hurt others, he'll certainly do whatever's necessary and shows no hesitation in devouring others for food. His loyalty to his comrades always comes first though, and Serph is slowly developing a romantic relationship with a girl called Sera. It's not physical yet, which is probably a good thing since Junkyard cannibals seem to get sex and devouring people confused a lot.
In short; he will eat when he needs to eat and that means all of you are on the menu. Except if you get on his good side, then you're his comrade and you will be safe for life. Or you get your money back.
Sample Post:
. . . ?
The sky is blue. Is this Nirvana? I don't see any rain, and it doesn't feel like the Junkyard either. The view is nice, and it's greener. So different from the Junkyard! I have to focus on finding my comrades right now. No luck yet… I'm worried that they aren't here after all, but I have a few hours left before I must start worrying about the hunger. I still must try. I'm their leader; they might be in trouble if they're here. What if Heat's overeaten and can't move? Is Sera here too? Has she gotten kidnapped again? I can't fail them now!
I quite like this place though. Especially that large amount of water over there; it seems like a beach without the sand. If there were enough time… but it'd better to come back here once I find my comrades and then play here with everyone. Some of them might yell at me if they find out I was goofing off after all. Still, I wonder where I am. What a 'camp' is, exactly? By the name alone it doesn't sounds like a bad thing, even if I don't know what it is. My problems seem to be lesser now though, since I see some buildings not far away from here… I should go and get an explanation or clues about my comrades' whereabouts. I can always trade any of my belongings in exchange of information.
What are those… purple creatures? Animals? They certainly look like better food than the half-dead creatures I saw earlier (I had to interrupt them while they were busy chewing on someone, and for some reason they got upset and attacked me. I'd only wanted to ask what a 'camp' is, however. A shame I had to eat them before finding out). So if they attack me too while I'm passing through, it also should be safe to eat them. They're large but overall look harmless compared to what I'm used to fighting against. At least they're fast despite their weak appearance, not like the former ones.
Except… this is not an attack, is it? Is it a hug, like Sera's given me before? Perhaps it's a greeting. Yes, it is; now more are trying to hug me as well. Should I embrace them back? I don't wish to upset them. But it is really necessary to touch my legs and chest like that? I understand; you're using this as a form of intimacy and trust between members of your tribe. And what is that transparent-plastic thing? For protection? It's not necessary, I can protect myself… If you insist I can keep them.
... I'm hungry. They don't seem to want to stop touching me, and my hunger is only growing stronger due to it. I'll revise my plans... I can look for my comrades after this.
Right now, I must eat.
Poll Vote!
Character: Yin
Series: Darker Than BLACK
Character Age: 17
Canon: It's been ten years since Hell's Gate appeared in Tokyo, causing the sky to change and people with special powers known as Contractors to appear. Unfeeling and completely logical, Contractors work/kill for various Syndicates. Working alongside Contractors are Dolls; "mediums" that looks like humans. They are programmed to think and act a certain way and are most commonly used for reconnaissance purposes.
Born blind and orphaned at a young age, it is unknown how Yin became a Doll or how she came to work in the same Syndicate as Hei. According to another member of her team, Yin was given only the most basic of programming, which means that she can function just enough to live and do her job, but not enough to think for herself or feel emotion. This is something she later disproves by running away for a short period of time, crying at how beautiful the moonlight is, and smiling to give a few examples.
Yin has the ability to track, sense and listen to practically anything through water although she must be actually touching it in some way in order to do so. And although she is usually rather quiet and passive, she has moments of extreme badassness throughout the series. She also tops Hei. A lot. As well as saves his ass on more than one occasion.
Notes: "They" = the Syndicate that Yin and Hei work for and Hei has been mentioned with permission from the player.
Sample Post:
It isn't right. This isn't the place and now They've lost two. They won't be happy. He's here though. Trapped. I am now too. This will complicate completing the mission.
I haven't been able to track past the barrier that surrounds this "camp", yet. Several attempts from various bathrooms have cost me most of my dress. What the blood didn't stain, the acid melted away. The lake hasn't proven very useful either. And while color has never been an issue with any water I've used, perhaps that's what's causing the interference. It could also be the chemicals that have permeated throughout it as well. They sting. Invading, seeping into my skin. I don't like it.
She disagrees though. She says her lake is just fine; the perfect trap for those who are unsuspecting. She refuses to elaborate as to why. Although if I watch closely, I'll be able to see what she means since a man walking towards it has apparently volunteered to help demonstrate. She now has him in her tentacles and is covering him in some sort of goo I think. It's not necessary. It just makes it easier. She says if they're willing, they can't call it--
Another source of water should be found.
It's not just the water that's different, though. The stars are different, too. Here, they're real. Not the fake lights seen twinkling in the sky in Tokyo. Although, there's something not quite right about the moon. It doesn't give off the same light. This one is dark and full of evil intent. Almost like it's waiting. It doesn't sleep. Watching us as we...fap? I'm...unfamiliar with the term. Although the moon does like to watch. Not that, but other things. And it's the perfect season to. Or so the voices talking in my head say. The monsters will be coming.
--No. They are coming. Two miles east, through the trees. Four gorillas, seven birds and a flying...pig? More are on the way. Cut to the left and through the clearing. He needs to get beyond the rocks and they'll give up. If not, they'll catch him and then they're going to--
...Hei. I know he can make it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bonten
Series: Amatsuki
Age: appears 20-ish
Canon: Amatsuki is the story of Rikugou Tokidoki's failed attempt at raising his grade in history class. During a makeup assignment in the form of a trip to a virtual-reality simulation of Edo, Toki is attacked by a monster and wakes up... in the past, in the real Edo--or a world that's a close approximation of it. In this Edo, where everyone's fate is predetermined by Heaven's Net, Toki is an anomaly-- not only is his own fate undetermined, he has the power to change the fates of others. This makes him extremely desirable to both sides of the war that's being waged behind the scenes of Edo: a war that on the surface seems to be between the humans and the ayakashi (nonhumans), but in reality deals with the separation between the world of Edo and the modern world Toki came from...
Bonten is a tengu (bird demon), and, due to his position as "Master of Heaven's Seat," a leader of the ayakashi. His goals seem to be the preservation of Edo as it is, and a restoration of balance between humans and ayakashi. He's loud, irritable, vain, egotistical, and claims that he'll destroy anyone who gets in his way. And that's not even getting into the revenge he'll seek if you wake him up from one of his naps. But at the same time he's charismatic, a good leader, and oddly kind. Even when Toki seems to be going against Bonten's plans, Bonten doesn't refuse him aid. Despite being a native of Edo, he's knowledgeable of the the world outside it, at different times referencing computers and Napoleon.
Sample Post:
Excuse me. Excuse me. If we all could just shut up and settle down-- yes, I mean you. Zombies, stop hitting yourselves with your severed arms. Toucans, stop making the zombies hit themselves with their severed arms. Squirrels, save the machine guns for later. Tentacles, it's not that I mind you touching there, per se, but could it wait? Yes. Thank you. Peons. Now that I've gotten your attention, can I just say one thing?
You're doing it wrong.
Okay, so you have a human problem. I can see that. They don't respect your space, they use you for target practice, they steal your nuts-- aaaand, boy, that sounded wrong-- whatever. Humans are going to do that. It's in their nature. It's annoying, yeah, but you can't change it. What you can change is your own behavior. I'm not saying you should stop trying to eat their brains, but you have to respect the fact that as long as you do, they're going to shoot at you. Do unto them, and they'll do unto you. Our goal here isn't to drive them out, it's coexistence.
No, shut up. I've got a point here, and if you're too stupid to get it through your misshapen skulls and appreciate my brilliance, that's not my problem. Listen: if you get rid of all the humans, whose brains are you going to eat? Who're you going to fortify your bases against? Who're you going to molest? Yourselves? Sure, that'll work. Not. So here're my suggestions.
1) Don't get pissed off when the humans come out and shoot you if you provoked it. Accept it. Likewise, feel free to go out and mess with their shit if it's an unprovoked attack to make 'em expect you to take revenge the same way they do. And eye for an eye, and all that.
2) Stop with the "Dead people are people too" campaigns and stuff like that. The humans aren't gonna recognize that, no matter how hard you try. And honestly, when it comes to the zombies, I'm not sure I recognize it. I mean, can you even tell each other apart? Which one's Grooooan and which one's Braaaains? Do you even know who you are?
3) Find someone to do my hair in the mornings. Seriously, this is important. The only reason it's not number one is because it messed with the flow of the speech.
Now shut up and get to work-- I'm going to take a nap.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ginshu
Series: Amatsuki
Character Age: appears in his late teens
Canon: Amatsuki is about a virtual reality Edo where monsters are very real and part of everyday life; explaining how Ginshu fits into his/her canon would take five+ volumes of manga, so let's just focus on who Ginshu is. For one, he's a physically male Princess/Priestess raised as a woman...or, at least, he was male until a snake god cursed him to die each day and be reborn into a pain-wracked, scaled body with no genitalia. As such, Ginshu's gender identity is a bit confused...but he has no problem stripping in front of strangers.
Now that you know about what's between Ginshu's legs, let's move on to what's between his ears. Ginshu is a kind, gentle, nurturing, motherly man-woman-neuter who makes sweets for young children and loves to tease the easily flustered. How sweet! Under his calm, unflappable facade, however, lies a calculating, cynical man who takes advantage of the kindness of others and is fully committed to his cause of nonhuman genocide...and his own permanent demise.
Sample Post:
Director-san, I regretfully inform you that the kids are not okay. The demons lumbering through the area may not be dangerous (I have taken the liberty of disposing of Medulla-san and Cerebellum-san, who have mysteriously perished during their attempt to snack on my brains ♥, and hope you aren't too inconvenienced) but there are other problems that smaller children in particular will have great difficulty with.
The first item I would like to draw to your attention is the MacAweenie and Cheese being served as food. At first glance, this would appear to be a healthy, well-balanced meal. The MacAweenie is firm and well-cooked, if a bit chewy at the base. However, the cheese is not real cheese. I would suggest you look into the negative effects this could have on children. This is also a problem with the lollicocks you serve; the ban on sugar means that it has been replaced by a substance called Splenda. Basic research has told me that this can stunt growth. Why, hearing these rumors of a mysterious substance that "deages" the populace, I would almost think that was your goal, Director-san!
Another concern of mine is the animals that you have introduced to this camp. I'm not talking about the lions and tigers and bears. Oh my, no; I'm talking about the toucans and squirrels and their rather coarse speech. While I've become accustomed to little birds insulting my feminine choice in dress, can you imagine how troublesome it would be if a squirrel walked up to a small child and demanded that he hand over nuts that he, well, didn't have! I'm sure you get my drift.
In light of these dangers to a child's natural development, assuming they have one, I am volunteering myself as a babysitter. I may not be the adult they need, but I can certainly do my best. I do have lots of handmade candy. And children do love to play with dolls, don't they? I have one available if they promise to stop using it to show me where they were touched.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Hibari Kyoya
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: Unknown. He's in middle school, where he chooses his own year as he likes. Probably 15 or 16.
Canon: In a series where a one-year-old assassin baby is training a junior high student to become the next leader of a prominent mafia family (just go with it), said baby needs to gather people who will be an appropriate famiglia to the future leader. Upperclassman and head prefect Hibari Kyouya is one -- and to put it lightly, Hibari is already more terrifying than a lot of the mafia itself. His hobbies include beating people up, beating people up, and also beating people up. As long as he is able to fight strong people and beat up weak ones, he's content with life. He enjoys pulverizing people for doing things that annoy him, like: gathering together, being weak, traveling in groups, encroaching on his territory, and waking him up from naps. He is known to roam the halls beating up students with his tonfa, extorting money, and using his fellow prefects to hide bodies. The one thing that has his complete devotion, allegiance and protection is his school, Namimori, and if you fuck with it or him he will tear you to pieces. He's constantly school-focused to the point where he might seem a bit of a retard sometimes; this one time he got captured and tortured by the enemy, and spent his time as a prisoner training the enemy's pet bird (which he renamed 'Hibird') to sing the school song. Of course, the moment he got out of captivity he proceeded to lay waste to everyone up despite having many broken bones and falling unconscious halfway through, so nobody thought to laugh at him for that.
Hibari's speech-style is brief and to the point, though he tends to keep his tone light. He talks like a predator surrounded by prey: weak people are "herbivores" and he threatens to bite people to death. When not engaging in violence, he gets along well with people who bow to his will and he leads a group of thugs (the other prefects). He also has horrible naming sense (see: Hibird). But he takes himself very seriously, and believes you should take him seriously too. Or he'll bite you to death.
Sample Post:
Yo.
...Hooooh. When I'd heard that Namimori had once bought a piece of land in the United States, thinking to set up an overseas school, it was a little unbelievable. Still, all the paperwork is in order, so it must be true. This is Namimori land.
I'm disappointed.
You see, Namimori has standards. That's why I came to this place. Someone needs to enforce them. As the self-elected head of the Disciplinary Committee, with an unanimous acceptance, I'm the one who understands these standards best. After all, I picked them myself. They are:
1) Less mingling, you herd animals. It's annoying.
2) Don't shoot the zombies. It's noisy, and I can't nap.
3) If you break rule 2, pick up your own corpse after I'm done. People who leave a mess on Namimori territory are nothing but trash themselves.
4) Stop being weak herbivores.
5) I'll decide later.
If you follow these rules, I'll let you use Namimori territory... for a price. You see, a disciplinary committee takes a lot of money to run. Don't you want to help fund Namimori? What do you need your money for? Clothes? Snacks? Those are unnecessary, so give me money. If you want to walk here, it'll cost you ¥1000. If you want to play here, ¥2000. If you can't pay, you can follow me, and get money from others. If you don't do either, you're giving me permission to kill you.
What? 'Me and what army'? I'm enough for you weak cattle, but if you need to know, me and this zombie army. I thought about taking on the gorillas instead, but they kept gathering into groups in front of me, so I bit them to death. Unlike the gorillas, the zombies weren't herbivores. I decided I liked them, and they'd be useful, and they agreed to follow me after I did this and that. But "zombie" is an annoying name. In movies, zombies are boring. Everyone knows what to expect. So I trained them. I changed it. These... they're the Zombari Army, Namimori's pride.
So, me and these zombaris... shall we bite you to death?
Applicant #2
Character: Hibari Kyouya
Series: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: 14...? no canon age is given, but he's a 3rd year junior high student
Canon: Due to his poor grades in school, Sawada Tsunayoshi's mother hires a home tutor. She didn't know that the home tutor was actually a professional hitman, Reborn, who was there to train Tsuna in becoming the Tenth Boss of the Vongola Family. However Tsuna had no interest in becoming the next boss, preferring to live his life as it was (even if he was a good for nothing that no one really liked). Problem being, after he had been chosen to be the Tenth Boss, Reborn's pretty determined not to let him back out and begins to gather his family from those who surround Tsuna. In any case, Tsuna's goal in life is to try and live life as normally as he can while being surrounded by strange happenings and try not to fail school while he's at it.
Of course, while in school, Tsuna has his own set of problems. One such problem is the Head Prefect of Nanimori Junior High's Disciplinary Council, Hibari Kyouya. He is true ruler of Nanimori; all students know that to cross Hibari and the Council or to break school rules is nearly a death sentence. To Hibari, Nanimori is sacred -- he's the only one who would use their "lame school song" as his cell phone ringtone. Hibari is violent and takes a lot of enjoyment in the fight. He often says "I'll bite you to death" or "I'll kill you" when something annoys him and has no hesitation in following through. However, despite the constant death threats, Hibari is actually calm, cool, and collected. He holds a strong distaste for weaklings, calling them herbivores, and hates seeing people in groups.
Basically, the rules are simple: listen to him or he'll bite you dead.
Sample Post:
I was told there were students from Nanimori here. It's against school policy to allow student absences for more than three days unless he's physically unable to attend. As the head prefect of the Nanimori Disciplinary Council, I am here to ensure the rules are enforced. Students are not allowed to have unauthorized absences in the middle of the school year and I won't tolerate the reputation of Nanimori Junior High being tarnished by truancy.
Even if they hide deep into the woods, it won't work. I don't lose sight of my prey. Trying to distract me with those weaklings won't work either. They couldn't even hold themselves together, falling apart as they walked around, much less put up much of a fight. I took care of them easily. Now... Huh. Is there a problem? You seem upset. You're not angry about those weak herbivores I just destroyed, are you? It was their fault for being in my way. Hoooh...attacking as group. A useless last ditch effort. Sorry, I don't like it when people band together to oppose me. Anything that I hate, I'll kill. One at a time or all at once, I don't care. And throwing your body parts at me from a distance isn't going to work either.
This is less interesting than I had anticipated. When I entered these woods in search of missing students, I expected something more worth beating up than these half dead herbivores that didn't even need me to send them back to the grave where they belong. If this is the best that this place offers, then I won't have any trouble bringing those rule-breakers back to Nanimori. They better be unharmed when I find them -- I'll kill anyone who's hurt them. ...You are sorely mistaken. If those morons and myself are in another sentence that implies any sort of relationship again, I'll bite you dead. They don't mean anything to me. I could care less about whether those weaklings are alive or not. But they broke the rules so they must be punished. However, Nanimori's students are for Nanimori to discipline, and I'll bite them dead myself for daring to break the rules. No one else is to touch them.
Hmm? Another group of weak herbivores. A different one, and you look like you'd be better fighters. If the purple is meant to throw me off, you're mistaken and those noises you make are just disgusting. Get out of my sight. Actually, no, I feel like beating something. But I'll be disappointed if this ends too quickly. I'll play a game with you to alleviate my boredom then. The rules are easy. Anyone who doesn't run away fast enough, I'll kill. Ready?
Go.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. LOOKS GOOD TO ME. Cloooosed.
Character: Yamazaki Kaoru
Series: Welcome to the N.H.K. (manga)
Age: around 20
Canon: Welcome to the N.H.K. is the tale of brave revolutionaries facing down THE MAN. After all, it can't possibly be their fault that they're failures; it's all a government conspiracy, don't you see? In short, this is the story of unemployed, socially phobic fuckup Satou Tatsuhiro and the lesser fuckups who love him enough to cockblock his suicide attempts. Yamazaki Kaoru is probably the most stable and functional of this lot, but that's really not saying much; a raunchy self-described otaku, Yamazaki seeks comfort in a fictional world. His dream in life? To create the greatest pornographic game the world has ever seen with the help of his senpai, Satou!!! To this end, he's steeped himself in otaku culture quite thoroughly; when he's not attending animation school, he's busy watching anime, buying merchandise, roleplaying online, or downloading porn... for research, of course.
Although he's a good person at heart and has his moments of tenderness and introspection, and although he is far more comfortable in society than his friends, most often Yamazaki is loud, abrasive, obsessive, extremely dramatic, perverted, and would love nothing more than to hide from reality and intimacy. He's terrified of the idea of sex or love with real women and absorbs himself in his quest to create the perfect fictional woman for his game... but, to put it lightly, Yamazaki's idea of "moe" (cuteness, kind of) is more than a little bizarre, and his creative endeavors speak volumes about his Issues.
Sample Post:
Sure, traditionalists might call me a fool - nay, a madman! "Yamazaki," they'd say, "it's insane to go to America to research moe! Isn't America full of teenage girls whose idea of being a fan is to spank people at conventions with wooden paddles? Not to mention fat cosplayers who dare to desecrate the iconic plugsuit of Ayanami Rei with their tubby forms? I'll save you, Rei-chan! And isn't it true that the only reason an otaku like you would ever go to America is in a last-ditch effort to avoid moving back home to the family farm and to escape the advances of your girlfriend? Shouldn't you be ashamed of yourself for shirking your responsibilities as a son and a man?" ... HELL NO! This is nothing but an innocent business trip. S-shut the hell up, already! What do you know about my dreams?!
That's exactly the problem with today's otaku: they have no vision. Sure, it's a little unconventional to do research for a hentai game in America, but I'm aiming for the top, here! I need fresh material never before seen in Japan - and for that, I need to do some international espionage. Just call me... Bondage. James Bondage. Double-oh-sixty-nine. Oh yes, I could sense that the American ero-game developers were underplaying their hands. But wait until Satou-san hears this! Who would suspect that those crazy Americans have already planted the seeds of the virtual sex revolution? Here at Camp Fuck You Die - what a title! - I've finally found the ideal setting for our game!
I'll name the heroine "Sexy Zombie Tsukiko-chan," and she will be the epitome of moe! Arrgh - the plot is coming to me in a burst of inspiration! She's undead... because she sacrificed her life for the main character, who was her beloved classmate! Her love for him trapped her soul in her dead body, and now she depends utterly on his charity, living only for the sake of the player... it's a man's most precious dream! Smilingly tenderly, he stitches back on her lost limbs with red thread, symbolizing their shared destiny. Tsukiko-chan shyly smiles back and compliments his brains. Men love that! And then they embrace passionately by the lake, never noticing as the tentacles creep closer... oh my god, yes, it's like Ju-on meets La Blue Girl meets Sister Princess! Can something this original possibly fail to gain national recognition?
Now, Tsukiko-chan, just hold that pose while I sketch some concept art... a tranquil yet foreboding shot by the lake is the ideal synopsis of what Camp Fuck You Die is all about. I'm going to take the liberty of drawing you with both eyes for now, although we might be able to work that into the plot somehow later. Everyone loves girls with eyepatches! Ah, Marcy-san, would you mind holding up your tentacles just a bit higher? And try to look menacing. We're going to be stars, ladies! It's Camp Fuck You Die: Dead Girls Don't Say "Iyaaaan," coming - if you know what I mean - next Halloween!
National recognition? Hell, I'll be getting the Nobel Prize for this one!
Poll Vote!
Character: Serph.
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga.
Character Age: Physically around 17-20 years old.
Canon: Basically, Digital Devil Saga takes places in the Junkyard, a battlefield where it always rains, animals and plants are non-existent, and six emotionless tribes fight against each others with the goal of reaching Nirvana, something which was shaken up a bit when they all spontaneously became demon cannibals and developed emotions. A nice, G-rated setting, right?
Serph is the leader of the Embryon Tribe. He's a silent protagonist but shows his emotions clearly, is extremely protective of his comrades and kind of a dork sometimes. He has two different dialogue choices, the serious one (always very thoughtful, almost philosophical) and the retard one (for example, when one of his comrades worries that a portrait in a castle looks like someone they know, he forgets the portrait but remembers how cute a nearby statue of a fairy was). Despite Serph being silent, everyone seems to understand him from just a glance. And although he has a slight dislike towards violence and is occasionally reluctant to hurt others, he'll certainly do whatever's necessary and shows no hesitation in devouring others for food. His loyalty to his comrades always comes first though, and Serph is slowly developing a romantic relationship with a girl called Sera. It's not physical yet, which is probably a good thing since Junkyard cannibals seem to get sex and devouring people confused a lot.
In short; he will eat when he needs to eat and that means all of you are on the menu. Except if you get on his good side, then you're his comrade and you will be safe for life. Or you get your money back.
Sample Post:
. . . ?
The sky is blue. Is this Nirvana? I don't see any rain, and it doesn't feel like the Junkyard either. The view is nice, and it's greener. So different from the Junkyard! I have to focus on finding my comrades right now. No luck yet… I'm worried that they aren't here after all, but I have a few hours left before I must start worrying about the hunger. I still must try. I'm their leader; they might be in trouble if they're here. What if Heat's overeaten and can't move? Is Sera here too? Has she gotten kidnapped again? I can't fail them now!
I quite like this place though. Especially that large amount of water over there; it seems like a beach without the sand. If there were enough time… but it'd better to come back here once I find my comrades and then play here with everyone. Some of them might yell at me if they find out I was goofing off after all. Still, I wonder where I am. What a 'camp' is, exactly? By the name alone it doesn't sounds like a bad thing, even if I don't know what it is. My problems seem to be lesser now though, since I see some buildings not far away from here… I should go and get an explanation or clues about my comrades' whereabouts. I can always trade any of my belongings in exchange of information.
What are those… purple creatures? Animals? They certainly look like better food than the half-dead creatures I saw earlier (I had to interrupt them while they were busy chewing on someone, and for some reason they got upset and attacked me. I'd only wanted to ask what a 'camp' is, however. A shame I had to eat them before finding out). So if they attack me too while I'm passing through, it also should be safe to eat them. They're large but overall look harmless compared to what I'm used to fighting against. At least they're fast despite their weak appearance, not like the former ones.
Except… this is not an attack, is it? Is it a hug, like Sera's given me before? Perhaps it's a greeting. Yes, it is; now more are trying to hug me as well. Should I embrace them back? I don't wish to upset them. But it is really necessary to touch my legs and chest like that? I understand; you're using this as a form of intimacy and trust between members of your tribe. And what is that transparent-plastic thing? For protection? It's not necessary, I can protect myself… If you insist I can keep them.
... I'm hungry. They don't seem to want to stop touching me, and my hunger is only growing stronger due to it. I'll revise my plans... I can look for my comrades after this.
Right now, I must eat.
Poll Vote!
Character: Yin
Series: Darker Than BLACK
Character Age: 17
Canon: It's been ten years since Hell's Gate appeared in Tokyo, causing the sky to change and people with special powers known as Contractors to appear. Unfeeling and completely logical, Contractors work/kill for various Syndicates. Working alongside Contractors are Dolls; "mediums" that looks like humans. They are programmed to think and act a certain way and are most commonly used for reconnaissance purposes.
Born blind and orphaned at a young age, it is unknown how Yin became a Doll or how she came to work in the same Syndicate as Hei. According to another member of her team, Yin was given only the most basic of programming, which means that she can function just enough to live and do her job, but not enough to think for herself or feel emotion. This is something she later disproves by running away for a short period of time, crying at how beautiful the moonlight is, and smiling to give a few examples.
Yin has the ability to track, sense and listen to practically anything through water although she must be actually touching it in some way in order to do so. And although she is usually rather quiet and passive, she has moments of extreme badassness throughout the series. She also tops Hei. A lot. As well as saves his ass on more than one occasion.
Notes: "They" = the Syndicate that Yin and Hei work for and Hei has been mentioned with permission from the player.
Sample Post:
It isn't right. This isn't the place and now They've lost two. They won't be happy. He's here though. Trapped. I am now too. This will complicate completing the mission.
I haven't been able to track past the barrier that surrounds this "camp", yet. Several attempts from various bathrooms have cost me most of my dress. What the blood didn't stain, the acid melted away. The lake hasn't proven very useful either. And while color has never been an issue with any water I've used, perhaps that's what's causing the interference. It could also be the chemicals that have permeated throughout it as well. They sting. Invading, seeping into my skin. I don't like it.
She disagrees though. She says her lake is just fine; the perfect trap for those who are unsuspecting. She refuses to elaborate as to why. Although if I watch closely, I'll be able to see what she means since a man walking towards it has apparently volunteered to help demonstrate. She now has him in her tentacles and is covering him in some sort of goo I think. It's not necessary. It just makes it easier. She says if they're willing, they can't call it--
Another source of water should be found.
It's not just the water that's different, though. The stars are different, too. Here, they're real. Not the fake lights seen twinkling in the sky in Tokyo. Although, there's something not quite right about the moon. It doesn't give off the same light. This one is dark and full of evil intent. Almost like it's waiting. It doesn't sleep. Watching us as we...fap? I'm...unfamiliar with the term. Although the moon does like to watch. Not that, but other things. And it's the perfect season to. Or so the voices talking in my head say. The monsters will be coming.
--No. They are coming. Two miles east, through the trees. Four gorillas, seven birds and a flying...pig? More are on the way. Cut to the left and through the clearing. He needs to get beyond the rocks and they'll give up. If not, they'll catch him and then they're going to--
...Hei. I know he can make it.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bonten
Series: Amatsuki
Age: appears 20-ish
Canon: Amatsuki is the story of Rikugou Tokidoki's failed attempt at raising his grade in history class. During a makeup assignment in the form of a trip to a virtual-reality simulation of Edo, Toki is attacked by a monster and wakes up... in the past, in the real Edo--or a world that's a close approximation of it. In this Edo, where everyone's fate is predetermined by Heaven's Net, Toki is an anomaly-- not only is his own fate undetermined, he has the power to change the fates of others. This makes him extremely desirable to both sides of the war that's being waged behind the scenes of Edo: a war that on the surface seems to be between the humans and the ayakashi (nonhumans), but in reality deals with the separation between the world of Edo and the modern world Toki came from...
Bonten is a tengu (bird demon), and, due to his position as "Master of Heaven's Seat," a leader of the ayakashi. His goals seem to be the preservation of Edo as it is, and a restoration of balance between humans and ayakashi. He's loud, irritable, vain, egotistical, and claims that he'll destroy anyone who gets in his way. And that's not even getting into the revenge he'll seek if you wake him up from one of his naps. But at the same time he's charismatic, a good leader, and oddly kind. Even when Toki seems to be going against Bonten's plans, Bonten doesn't refuse him aid. Despite being a native of Edo, he's knowledgeable of the the world outside it, at different times referencing computers and Napoleon.
Sample Post:
Excuse me. Excuse me. If we all could just shut up and settle down-- yes, I mean you. Zombies, stop hitting yourselves with your severed arms. Toucans, stop making the zombies hit themselves with their severed arms. Squirrels, save the machine guns for later. Tentacles, it's not that I mind you touching there, per se, but could it wait? Yes. Thank you. Peons. Now that I've gotten your attention, can I just say one thing?
You're doing it wrong.
Okay, so you have a human problem. I can see that. They don't respect your space, they use you for target practice, they steal your nuts-- aaaand, boy, that sounded wrong-- whatever. Humans are going to do that. It's in their nature. It's annoying, yeah, but you can't change it. What you can change is your own behavior. I'm not saying you should stop trying to eat their brains, but you have to respect the fact that as long as you do, they're going to shoot at you. Do unto them, and they'll do unto you. Our goal here isn't to drive them out, it's coexistence.
No, shut up. I've got a point here, and if you're too stupid to get it through your misshapen skulls and appreciate my brilliance, that's not my problem. Listen: if you get rid of all the humans, whose brains are you going to eat? Who're you going to fortify your bases against? Who're you going to molest? Yourselves? Sure, that'll work. Not. So here're my suggestions.
1) Don't get pissed off when the humans come out and shoot you if you provoked it. Accept it. Likewise, feel free to go out and mess with their shit if it's an unprovoked attack to make 'em expect you to take revenge the same way they do. And eye for an eye, and all that.
2) Stop with the "Dead people are people too" campaigns and stuff like that. The humans aren't gonna recognize that, no matter how hard you try. And honestly, when it comes to the zombies, I'm not sure I recognize it. I mean, can you even tell each other apart? Which one's Grooooan and which one's Braaaains? Do you even know who you are?
3) Find someone to do my hair in the mornings. Seriously, this is important. The only reason it's not number one is because it messed with the flow of the speech.
Now shut up and get to work-- I'm going to take a nap.
Poll Vote!
Character: Ginshu
Series: Amatsuki
Character Age: appears in his late teens
Canon: Amatsuki is about a virtual reality Edo where monsters are very real and part of everyday life; explaining how Ginshu fits into his/her canon would take five+ volumes of manga, so let's just focus on who Ginshu is. For one, he's a physically male Princess/Priestess raised as a woman...or, at least, he was male until a snake god cursed him to die each day and be reborn into a pain-wracked, scaled body with no genitalia. As such, Ginshu's gender identity is a bit confused...but he has no problem stripping in front of strangers.
Now that you know about what's between Ginshu's legs, let's move on to what's between his ears. Ginshu is a kind, gentle, nurturing, motherly man-woman-neuter who makes sweets for young children and loves to tease the easily flustered. How sweet! Under his calm, unflappable facade, however, lies a calculating, cynical man who takes advantage of the kindness of others and is fully committed to his cause of nonhuman genocide...and his own permanent demise.
Sample Post:
Director-san, I regretfully inform you that the kids are not okay. The demons lumbering through the area may not be dangerous (I have taken the liberty of disposing of Medulla-san and Cerebellum-san, who have mysteriously perished during their attempt to snack on my brains ♥, and hope you aren't too inconvenienced) but there are other problems that smaller children in particular will have great difficulty with.
The first item I would like to draw to your attention is the MacAweenie and Cheese being served as food. At first glance, this would appear to be a healthy, well-balanced meal. The MacAweenie is firm and well-cooked, if a bit chewy at the base. However, the cheese is not real cheese. I would suggest you look into the negative effects this could have on children. This is also a problem with the lollicocks you serve; the ban on sugar means that it has been replaced by a substance called Splenda. Basic research has told me that this can stunt growth. Why, hearing these rumors of a mysterious substance that "deages" the populace, I would almost think that was your goal, Director-san!
Another concern of mine is the animals that you have introduced to this camp. I'm not talking about the lions and tigers and bears. Oh my, no; I'm talking about the toucans and squirrels and their rather coarse speech. While I've become accustomed to little birds insulting my feminine choice in dress, can you imagine how troublesome it would be if a squirrel walked up to a small child and demanded that he hand over nuts that he, well, didn't have! I'm sure you get my drift.
In light of these dangers to a child's natural development, assuming they have one, I am volunteering myself as a babysitter. I may not be the adult they need, but I can certainly do my best. I do have lots of handmade candy. And children do love to play with dolls, don't they? I have one available if they promise to stop using it to show me where they were touched.
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Character: Hibari Kyoya
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: Unknown. He's in middle school, where he chooses his own year as he likes. Probably 15 or 16.
Canon: In a series where a one-year-old assassin baby is training a junior high student to become the next leader of a prominent mafia family (just go with it), said baby needs to gather people who will be an appropriate famiglia to the future leader. Upperclassman and head prefect Hibari Kyouya is one -- and to put it lightly, Hibari is already more terrifying than a lot of the mafia itself. His hobbies include beating people up, beating people up, and also beating people up. As long as he is able to fight strong people and beat up weak ones, he's content with life. He enjoys pulverizing people for doing things that annoy him, like: gathering together, being weak, traveling in groups, encroaching on his territory, and waking him up from naps. He is known to roam the halls beating up students with his tonfa, extorting money, and using his fellow prefects to hide bodies. The one thing that has his complete devotion, allegiance and protection is his school, Namimori, and if you fuck with it or him he will tear you to pieces. He's constantly school-focused to the point where he might seem a bit of a retard sometimes; this one time he got captured and tortured by the enemy, and spent his time as a prisoner training the enemy's pet bird (which he renamed 'Hibird') to sing the school song. Of course, the moment he got out of captivity he proceeded to lay waste to everyone up despite having many broken bones and falling unconscious halfway through, so nobody thought to laugh at him for that.
Hibari's speech-style is brief and to the point, though he tends to keep his tone light. He talks like a predator surrounded by prey: weak people are "herbivores" and he threatens to bite people to death. When not engaging in violence, he gets along well with people who bow to his will and he leads a group of thugs (the other prefects). He also has horrible naming sense (see: Hibird). But he takes himself very seriously, and believes you should take him seriously too. Or he'll bite you to death.
Sample Post:
Yo.
...Hooooh. When I'd heard that Namimori had once bought a piece of land in the United States, thinking to set up an overseas school, it was a little unbelievable. Still, all the paperwork is in order, so it must be true. This is Namimori land.
I'm disappointed.
You see, Namimori has standards. That's why I came to this place. Someone needs to enforce them. As the self-elected head of the Disciplinary Committee, with an unanimous acceptance, I'm the one who understands these standards best. After all, I picked them myself. They are:
1) Less mingling, you herd animals. It's annoying.
2) Don't shoot the zombies. It's noisy, and I can't nap.
3) If you break rule 2, pick up your own corpse after I'm done. People who leave a mess on Namimori territory are nothing but trash themselves.
4) Stop being weak herbivores.
5) I'll decide later.
If you follow these rules, I'll let you use Namimori territory... for a price. You see, a disciplinary committee takes a lot of money to run. Don't you want to help fund Namimori? What do you need your money for? Clothes? Snacks? Those are unnecessary, so give me money. If you want to walk here, it'll cost you ¥1000. If you want to play here, ¥2000. If you can't pay, you can follow me, and get money from others. If you don't do either, you're giving me permission to kill you.
What? 'Me and what army'? I'm enough for you weak cattle, but if you need to know, me and this zombie army. I thought about taking on the gorillas instead, but they kept gathering into groups in front of me, so I bit them to death. Unlike the gorillas, the zombies weren't herbivores. I decided I liked them, and they'd be useful, and they agreed to follow me after I did this and that. But "zombie" is an annoying name. In movies, zombies are boring. Everyone knows what to expect. So I trained them. I changed it. These... they're the Zombari Army, Namimori's pride.
So, me and these zombaris... shall we bite you to death?
Applicant #2
Character: Hibari Kyouya
Series: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Character Age: 14...? no canon age is given, but he's a 3rd year junior high student
Canon: Due to his poor grades in school, Sawada Tsunayoshi's mother hires a home tutor. She didn't know that the home tutor was actually a professional hitman, Reborn, who was there to train Tsuna in becoming the Tenth Boss of the Vongola Family. However Tsuna had no interest in becoming the next boss, preferring to live his life as it was (even if he was a good for nothing that no one really liked). Problem being, after he had been chosen to be the Tenth Boss, Reborn's pretty determined not to let him back out and begins to gather his family from those who surround Tsuna. In any case, Tsuna's goal in life is to try and live life as normally as he can while being surrounded by strange happenings and try not to fail school while he's at it.
Of course, while in school, Tsuna has his own set of problems. One such problem is the Head Prefect of Nanimori Junior High's Disciplinary Council, Hibari Kyouya. He is true ruler of Nanimori; all students know that to cross Hibari and the Council or to break school rules is nearly a death sentence. To Hibari, Nanimori is sacred -- he's the only one who would use their "lame school song" as his cell phone ringtone. Hibari is violent and takes a lot of enjoyment in the fight. He often says "I'll bite you to death" or "I'll kill you" when something annoys him and has no hesitation in following through. However, despite the constant death threats, Hibari is actually calm, cool, and collected. He holds a strong distaste for weaklings, calling them herbivores, and hates seeing people in groups.
Basically, the rules are simple: listen to him or he'll bite you dead.
Sample Post:
I was told there were students from Nanimori here. It's against school policy to allow student absences for more than three days unless he's physically unable to attend. As the head prefect of the Nanimori Disciplinary Council, I am here to ensure the rules are enforced. Students are not allowed to have unauthorized absences in the middle of the school year and I won't tolerate the reputation of Nanimori Junior High being tarnished by truancy.
Even if they hide deep into the woods, it won't work. I don't lose sight of my prey. Trying to distract me with those weaklings won't work either. They couldn't even hold themselves together, falling apart as they walked around, much less put up much of a fight. I took care of them easily. Now... Huh. Is there a problem? You seem upset. You're not angry about those weak herbivores I just destroyed, are you? It was their fault for being in my way. Hoooh...attacking as group. A useless last ditch effort. Sorry, I don't like it when people band together to oppose me. Anything that I hate, I'll kill. One at a time or all at once, I don't care. And throwing your body parts at me from a distance isn't going to work either.
This is less interesting than I had anticipated. When I entered these woods in search of missing students, I expected something more worth beating up than these half dead herbivores that didn't even need me to send them back to the grave where they belong. If this is the best that this place offers, then I won't have any trouble bringing those rule-breakers back to Nanimori. They better be unharmed when I find them -- I'll kill anyone who's hurt them. ...You are sorely mistaken. If those morons and myself are in another sentence that implies any sort of relationship again, I'll bite you dead. They don't mean anything to me. I could care less about whether those weaklings are alive or not. But they broke the rules so they must be punished. However, Nanimori's students are for Nanimori to discipline, and I'll bite them dead myself for daring to break the rules. No one else is to touch them.
Hmm? Another group of weak herbivores. A different one, and you look like you'd be better fighters. If the purple is meant to throw me off, you're mistaken and those noises you make are just disgusting. Get out of my sight. Actually, no, I feel like beating something. But I'll be disappointed if this ends too quickly. I'll play a game with you to alleviate my boredom then. The rules are easy. Anyone who doesn't run away fast enough, I'll kill. Ready?
Go.
Poll Vote!