(no subject)
uwargh I'm tired. APPS ARE STILL OPEN, they'll be open until 6 AM EST tomorrow, blahblahblah, have your night batch, I'm gonna go take a nap. ♥
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSIN'
Character: Leeron
Series: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Character Age: Homosexual
Canon: Gurren Lagann: this is the continued story of one man's struggle to realize his destiny. It is the story of manly men, manly shouta and manly women boarding their manly robots to do battle and someday become completely badass manly space dudes. Also, it has Leeron. Leeron is not a manly man. Leeron does not fight in robots. Hailing from Ritona village with Yoko, Leeron is the Great Gurren Brigade's genius mechanic, resident drag queen, and fill-in mommy for all the little shounen retards. Yes, if there's one thing every show about giant robots needs it's a man with fake eyelashes and pink high-heels here to hit on the protagonist while he fixes his robot.
Leeron is, in a word, fabulous. The only thing he enjoys more that repairing robots with the aid of the droids he refers to as "his adorable mecha-chan," it's talking about how deliciously manly all the events around him are. But aside from the flirting and the dubiously healthy love for machines, Leeron has a serious maternal streak. He cares deeply for all the members of the Brigade and appears, at times, to be the only truly emotionally stable member. He's also apparently the only one in the entire series that understands exactly what's going on, and is thankfully capable of putting it into small enough words for the rest of the cast to comprehend. This, if nothing else, makes him truly indispensable, but he still prefers to spend his time hitting on little boys and singing to himself about robots.
Sample Post:
My, my~ what have we here? Could it be, is it truly, that someone has been so kind as to make mechanical livestock just for little ol' me? How simply marvelous~! Ah, but they didn't have much style, did they? No, no, not much style at all. You poor dears, nothing separated you from the normal flesh and blood creatures, hm? Well, you just let Leeron see to that, alright? We'll have you beyond fabulous in no time~ ♥!
Now, let's see, let's see! First things first, I think, and the first thing you need is some rocket propulsion systems! We can design them to look like shoes, of course. All you dear friends have to worry about is flats or heels. Of course I would say heels. You're never going to get a man if you always dress frumpy you know~ ♥ Ah, so it's decided then! You will all have lovely, lovely, love-winning pumps. Ooooh, except you. Yes, yes, yesyesyes~ I think you get Go-Go boots.
And now that we have mobility taken care of, let's look at offense! I know some people would say "Leeron, don't make autonomic machines capable of leveling a city," but I would say that some people lack vision, wouldn't you? Hahaha, oh, I thought you would! So let's see. We have a choice of side-mounted rocket launchers, retractable machine guns and some truly fabulous lasers. Oh goodness me, goodness me, I can't even begin to decide! I think we'll simply have to go with all of them. Yes, yes, all of them is clearly the choice. It's all very manly.
And there we have it! Let it never be said that Leeron of Ritona Village can not make the most fabulous of cowbots. And now all that's left is to-!!
Oh dear, oh dear, I suppose I should have made sure that your programming was a little less hostile before I fixed you up, hmm? No matter, that's why we have a self-destruct button, isn't it? A shame, really, but these things happen you know!
What other wonderful manly things do we have around here, I wonder? I did enjoy those vines. So friendly! Now if only I could find a way to make a robotic replication of those! Then we would have something fabulous, wouldn't we?
Poll Vote!
Character: Goo Goo GaGa
Series: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Character Age: 9-ish!
Canon: Foster's is a show about friendship and wacky hijinx, all based around the idea of imaginary friends being real, living things. Remember that! IT'S IMPORTANT.
Goo is a completely normal 9-year-old girl, except for the part where she's honestly, truly insane. This is probably because her parents don't want to "stunt her creativity" and therefore let her do everything she wants -- they even let her pick her own name when she was a baby, hence "Goo Goo GaGa." Her imagination is so overactive she used to accidentally create imaginary friends every time she got excited. Considering the fact that they're living, breathing creatures, that was kind of a problem. But she's getting better about it! She's realized that imaginary friends are people, too (sort of), and will do whatever she can to help one when they're in need.
In addition to being really, really weird, Goo is a little lonely, a little clingy, a lot bossy, and has reached a level of "o-oh my god MAKE IT STOP" talkativeness rarely achieved by... well, anybody. Ever. She rambles, wanders off-topic, talks 100 miles a minute, and is generally difficult to understand and ignore. It's not that she's trying to drive you nuts -- she just has a lot of ideas and no brain-to-mouth filter.
Sample Post:
HIIIIIIIII--
No no no no no. First impressions are waaay important! I need to sound professional, only with more pizzaz, like how some ladies wear bright pink high heeled shoes to business meetings. -- Ohhh, yup yup yup yup yup. This'll work!
AHEM.
ATTENTION, CAMP FUN UNDER NUNNERY or whatever your name is 'cause I forget!
You should be ashamed of yourselves! Imaginary friends can't live like this! Swamps are icky and nasty , and not to mention a total cliche, especially considering the whole horror theme. It's a neat idea, but you're doing it alllll wrong. Zombies went out of style in, like, the eighties, except in England, but English people can do whatever they want and still be cool 'cause they pioneered America and stuff.
Anyway, it's mean to make zombie friends go around trying to scare people when kids today are all, "Ohhhh, noooo, a zombie, I'm so scaaaared~!" Sarcasm is really bad for your self esteem, you know! You gotta think about the zombies' feelings! Invite them out to tea and build them a zombie mansion and go to Applebee's with them on Fridays! Did you know that 78% of all imaginary friends like potatoes? I mean, that makes sense, 'cause who doesn't like potatoes? If nobody liked potatoes, then it wouldn't have been called the Irish Potato Famine. It would've been the Irish Oh Those Brown Things Are Gone But That's Okay I Still Have Jell-o Famine or something! So you should go have some french fries with the zombies, except I think they're called freedom fries now, which is weird 'cause there's not a whole lot democratic about being boiled in oil.
-- My point is, you just gotta show them that you care, and they'll be 100% happier! They might even get scarier, 'cause they'll have motivation and full stomachs. Everybody wins!
You know what else this camp needs? I mean, besides an Applebee's and love and understanding and better wages and a dental plan for the gorillas and a water slide for the toucans and a giant hedge maze? More color! Plain old wood is so Wisconsin. But it can't be like in those weird gated community places where rich people and old ladies live, 'cause they only let you paint your house a pastel color, and pastels are for spring, and since this is a summer camp, that would just be tacky. There's gotta be stickers and flowers and maybe polka dots with little smiley faces in 'em! If you had more neighbors, I could sign this place up for one of those TV shows where people switch houses with their neighbors and redo stuff! Too bad nobody else lives in Louisiana, 'sides dinosaurs. I guess I gotta do this by myself!
GORILLA. Get me some permanent markers, stat! This camp needs RAINBOWS.
Poll Vote!
Character: Akatsuki Chika
Series: Zombie-Loan
Character Age: 16
Canon: What if you had special eyes that could tell you whether or not someone was dead or dying? As Kita Michiru can tell you, DON'T pretend you don't have them. As Akatsuki Chika can tell you, DO enter employment as a bloodhound for a loan office wherein hunting zombies--dead people posing among the living--is just one way to pay off your cosmic debt. Chika should've died six months ago in an accident that killed everyone else involved, but instead he made a deal with the office: in order to earn back an ordinary existence, he's become one of the Zombie-Loan agency's debtors, and he thinks Michiru's powers are his ticket to cashing in.
While Chika is technically a zombie, he's actually incredibly lively, filled to the brim with attitude problems and a particular kind of passion for life. He's crass, egotistical, and short-tempered, complete with a protective instinct and a clingy side. Chika's right hand belongs to his partner, Shito, the only other survivor of the accident. When he trades Shito back for his original hand, he can wield a katana with which he performs spiritual memorials and beats shit up for money. Desperate to pay off his debt, in his spare time Chika works like crazy, charges people for inane things (I PICKED UP SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR FOR YOU YESTERDAY, YOU NOW OWE ME FIVE HUNDRED YEN), and bets hundreds of dollars on schoolyard soccer games. There's nothing about gold-digging to be ashamed of; after all, it's hard out here for a zombie.
Sample Post:
A man in life can resist a great many temptations, you know. More than he ever thinks he can, and even more in death, when there's not much he can ask from anyone.
BUT COME ON. What kind of crappy sadist makes free money signs leading into the middle of nowhere for fun!? Do you know how many brainless suckers are going to get roped into this kind of scandal? And don't you say I'm one of them or I'll tie cinder blocks to your legs and toss you into that damn lake over there. It'll do shit to you. With a healthy glow like that, I don't see how it couldn't.
Although! Maybe this wasn't such a blatant horrible trap after all, huh? Check it out, Shit-Shito! Zombies, zombies everywhere and not a limb to spare--that's how the saying goes, right? So here's the plan: we come, we see, we conquer. I'll get the twenty-three on the left, you get the twenty-two on the right, we make a fortune off the bounties on these guys and live like kings. More importantly, live in general.
...what, these things are a dime a dozen? Literally? Man...with that kind of money you couldn't even pay off a locker rental. Alright, alright, new plan: since killing you isn't worth my precious time, in exchange for prolonging your meaningless existences, you are all now my slaves. Which means you do whatever I tell you do, and if you screw up it'll only add to the amount of time you spend in servitude. Not to mention the amount of money you owe. What money, you ask? What money indeed.
You there! Who stepped on my foot! That's three thousand yen to replace these sneakers! And you, pissing on that tree, that's a SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND FEE for wrecking private property! That's right, it's OURS. After a little renovation, maybe gettin' some construction workers on board, we're going to build a tree fort and it's going to be the official home of the Camp Fuck You Die branch of Z-Loan, of which I, Akatsuki Chika, would be more than happy to claim leadership. No sudden movements or you'll be in debt as high as your eyeballs.
...no, putting your eyeballs on the ground doesn't make you exempt. That's a hundred yen right there for defacing yourself, you valuable union worker, you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tachibana Shito
Series: Zombie-Loan
Character Age: High school student. 16-17?
Canon: One day, a girl named Kita Michiru becomes involved in the affairs of two older students, Tachibana Shito and Akatsuki Chika. The reason? She has 'Shinigami Eyes,' an ability that lets her see people marked for death who still live-zombies, prey to dark desires and eaters of human flesh. Their job? To destroy these zombies, pay off their debt at the supernatural Z-LOAN office, and regain their own lives. Due to a body-part mixup during revival, Chika and Shito each possess the other's right hand: if they switch them for over an hour (to summon weapons) or stay too far apart, the hands will rot and fall off.
Shito is the quieter of the duo, his public face being a calm, clever exposition man with a deadpan brand of humor. Although polite and gentlemanly when it suits him to be, he's usually blunt, selfish, insulting, and is more likely than Chika to kill or injure people if it appears necessary. Of course, this doesn't stop him from getting flustered over clothing or objects being out of place, revealing himself to be computer illiterate ("CHAT? OFFLINE? Some kind of code?") and generally, at times, being an utter retard.
Sample Post:
Step one: blow a hole in the crate. Step two: get out of the crate. Step three: shoot some zombies in the face. Any questions? I hope you have them, because clearly this whole setup is a farce.
Not only are there far too many undead here for the Director to have created by herself, but even her attempts to hide it from the public and authorities are too flimsy to be anything but a setup for curious investigators. And so you ran right into it, didn't you, idiot Akatsuki? If I ever have to follow you into a swamp full of traps again, I'll kill you. These reports ... chemical office mismanagement? Cruel and unusual skin diseases of the west? Ga6 + Y9 -> H2O(orz)? It doesn't add up.
Evidence garnered from online records, however, suggests far worse than even that. Just look at these topics on 4CHAN/A/owatagoosaiyam.jpg. 'Down Where It's Wetter' penetrative therapy is ominous enough by itself. 'Sing with All the Voices of the Toucans, Paint with All the Colours of the Lake' auditions, even worse. 'Like a Newbie, Saving for the Very First Time' ... What does that one even have to do with--never mind. It's just a box, Shito. Just a box.
The point is that between these and the subtle, private '... --- ...' code used by the indigent population, even a child could see that your fearsome overlord and her fiancé are merely pawns in a larger game. Think on it, if you're at all capable, and the truth becomes obvious.
The butler did it.
... and if anyone here believes that, then you're even more hopeless than I thought you were. And cheap a bounty as you might be, I'll be glad to remove the lot of you in record service time. You, especially. Your flesh may be foul and rotting, and you might devour brains like a gluttonous beast, but worst of all? You've gone and wrinkled my pants. It's disgusting!
Poll Vote!
Character: Delita Heiral
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Character Age: 17
Canon: Final Fantasy Tactics is SquareEnix's tale of Murder and Betrayal in the Medieval ages at the time of what is known as the Lion War, complete with powerful knights, evil sorcerers, kidnapping, demonic possession, and more backstabbing than you can shake a chocobo feather at.
Ramza Beoulve may have been the true hero of the Lion War, but it is his best friend Delita that history will always remember. Starting from his humble beginnings as a commoner knight-in-training to single-handedly overthrowing two opposing political alliances, to finally rising from the carnage as the King of Ivalice, Delita Heiral is a man who is not afraid to manipulate and use the most dirty and underhanded tactics to eliminate the obstacles in his path. Even if it means killing his best friend or toying with the heart of a princess, Delita will do it. Despite his ruthlessness, Delita is not nearly as heartless as he appears to be, though he will present that façade to both friend and enemy alike. In truth, Delita wants the fighting to end, for his kingdom to live in peace, and for his friends to be happy. But what true mastermind doesn't have a weakness for sentimentalism?
NOTE: Since the official translation of Final Fantasy Tactics is, shall we say, lacking in some points, Delita's voice is being based on a more up-to-date translation of the game script, the basis of which can be found here. The fact that he tends to alternate between formal knightly-speak and informal common speak is better represented this way, I think.
Sample Post:
How quaint.
This place feels more like Igros than I care for, and abundant with just as many easily manipulated fools. See there, they congregate like a school of fish; all moving in one direction and just as viscous when removed from their element. I must send my commendations to Lady Director, of course. Though a tad sloppy on their upkeep, a band of idiots led by the Pied Piper is better than none led at all. Skin tone notwithstanding, of course, but my God, man, are there no chemists in your party? This is precisely the manner of ruling I aim to abolish. It is a sad and depressing day when not a single party member can spare a solitary potion for the weak of body! ... ah, Pardon me, I was temporarily blinded by the notions of a heartened idealist. I'm sure you're used to such scum of the earth beleaguering you with their nonsense day after day, and with fair reason; you seem to inspire that sort of mentality in such infantile upstarts, do you not? Nevertheless, I apologize, milady. You will forgive me, of course.
I see that I have neglected to state my purpose first and foremost. Many apologies, milady, you could say I was distracted by your artistry -- oh yes, that is what I call it. Only someone with the mind and soul of a true virtuoso could have imagined such an intricate settlement, and the ability to encompass so many under your command is nearly breath-taking, if you will permit me a moment of insolence. Will you be so gracious as to allow a commoner such as myself to compliment you in my crude tongue? I am humbled. Why, I slaughtered a gang of thieves with moss-streaked skin intent on robbing me of my purse (and by the sounds of it, my dignity) to get this far, merely to announce my admiration of your brilliance. I assure you that the gathering crowd is a mere coincidence.
Despite my modest admiration of your work, I am afraid I must inform you that your reign will soon be coming to an end. The aforementioned poor beggars are now under my command, milady, and so desperate where they to be freed from your tyranny that they nearly fell apart at my offer! "Tis but a scratch," he said. Good man, good man. Ergo, it is clear to me now why this bog recalls the memory of Igros: my duty is evident before mine eyes, and it is to beset you with the rage of the people whom you have scorned and treated unfairly for too long! It will be your undoing, milady, this I do declare before the eyes of all those who would seek to join me.
After all, it is not the size of your fascism that matters, but how you use it.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSIN'
Character: Leeron
Series: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Character Age: Homosexual
Canon: Gurren Lagann: this is the continued story of one man's struggle to realize his destiny. It is the story of manly men, manly shouta and manly women boarding their manly robots to do battle and someday become completely badass manly space dudes. Also, it has Leeron. Leeron is not a manly man. Leeron does not fight in robots. Hailing from Ritona village with Yoko, Leeron is the Great Gurren Brigade's genius mechanic, resident drag queen, and fill-in mommy for all the little shounen retards. Yes, if there's one thing every show about giant robots needs it's a man with fake eyelashes and pink high-heels here to hit on the protagonist while he fixes his robot.
Leeron is, in a word, fabulous. The only thing he enjoys more that repairing robots with the aid of the droids he refers to as "his adorable mecha-chan," it's talking about how deliciously manly all the events around him are. But aside from the flirting and the dubiously healthy love for machines, Leeron has a serious maternal streak. He cares deeply for all the members of the Brigade and appears, at times, to be the only truly emotionally stable member. He's also apparently the only one in the entire series that understands exactly what's going on, and is thankfully capable of putting it into small enough words for the rest of the cast to comprehend. This, if nothing else, makes him truly indispensable, but he still prefers to spend his time hitting on little boys and singing to himself about robots.
Sample Post:
My, my~ what have we here? Could it be, is it truly, that someone has been so kind as to make mechanical livestock just for little ol' me? How simply marvelous~! Ah, but they didn't have much style, did they? No, no, not much style at all. You poor dears, nothing separated you from the normal flesh and blood creatures, hm? Well, you just let Leeron see to that, alright? We'll have you beyond fabulous in no time~ ♥!
Now, let's see, let's see! First things first, I think, and the first thing you need is some rocket propulsion systems! We can design them to look like shoes, of course. All you dear friends have to worry about is flats or heels. Of course I would say heels. You're never going to get a man if you always dress frumpy you know~ ♥ Ah, so it's decided then! You will all have lovely, lovely, love-winning pumps. Ooooh, except you. Yes, yes, yesyesyes~ I think you get Go-Go boots.
And now that we have mobility taken care of, let's look at offense! I know some people would say "Leeron, don't make autonomic machines capable of leveling a city," but I would say that some people lack vision, wouldn't you? Hahaha, oh, I thought you would! So let's see. We have a choice of side-mounted rocket launchers, retractable machine guns and some truly fabulous lasers. Oh goodness me, goodness me, I can't even begin to decide! I think we'll simply have to go with all of them. Yes, yes, all of them is clearly the choice. It's all very manly.
And there we have it! Let it never be said that Leeron of Ritona Village can not make the most fabulous of cowbots. And now all that's left is to-!!
Oh dear, oh dear, I suppose I should have made sure that your programming was a little less hostile before I fixed you up, hmm? No matter, that's why we have a self-destruct button, isn't it? A shame, really, but these things happen you know!
What other wonderful manly things do we have around here, I wonder? I did enjoy those vines. So friendly! Now if only I could find a way to make a robotic replication of those! Then we would have something fabulous, wouldn't we?
Poll Vote!
Character: Goo Goo GaGa
Series: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Character Age: 9-ish!
Canon: Foster's is a show about friendship and wacky hijinx, all based around the idea of imaginary friends being real, living things. Remember that! IT'S IMPORTANT.
Goo is a completely normal 9-year-old girl, except for the part where she's honestly, truly insane. This is probably because her parents don't want to "stunt her creativity" and therefore let her do everything she wants -- they even let her pick her own name when she was a baby, hence "Goo Goo GaGa." Her imagination is so overactive she used to accidentally create imaginary friends every time she got excited. Considering the fact that they're living, breathing creatures, that was kind of a problem. But she's getting better about it! She's realized that imaginary friends are people, too (sort of), and will do whatever she can to help one when they're in need.
In addition to being really, really weird, Goo is a little lonely, a little clingy, a lot bossy, and has reached a level of "o-oh my god MAKE IT STOP" talkativeness rarely achieved by... well, anybody. Ever. She rambles, wanders off-topic, talks 100 miles a minute, and is generally difficult to understand and ignore. It's not that she's trying to drive you nuts -- she just has a lot of ideas and no brain-to-mouth filter.
Sample Post:
HIIIIIIIII--
No no no no no. First impressions are waaay important! I need to sound professional, only with more pizzaz, like how some ladies wear bright pink high heeled shoes to business meetings. -- Ohhh, yup yup yup yup yup. This'll work!
AHEM.
ATTENTION, CAMP FUN UNDER NUNNERY or whatever your name is 'cause I forget!
You should be ashamed of yourselves! Imaginary friends can't live like this! Swamps are icky and nasty , and not to mention a total cliche, especially considering the whole horror theme. It's a neat idea, but you're doing it alllll wrong. Zombies went out of style in, like, the eighties, except in England, but English people can do whatever they want and still be cool 'cause they pioneered America and stuff.
Anyway, it's mean to make zombie friends go around trying to scare people when kids today are all, "Ohhhh, noooo, a zombie, I'm so scaaaared~!" Sarcasm is really bad for your self esteem, you know! You gotta think about the zombies' feelings! Invite them out to tea and build them a zombie mansion and go to Applebee's with them on Fridays! Did you know that 78% of all imaginary friends like potatoes? I mean, that makes sense, 'cause who doesn't like potatoes? If nobody liked potatoes, then it wouldn't have been called the Irish Potato Famine. It would've been the Irish Oh Those Brown Things Are Gone But That's Okay I Still Have Jell-o Famine or something! So you should go have some french fries with the zombies, except I think they're called freedom fries now, which is weird 'cause there's not a whole lot democratic about being boiled in oil.
-- My point is, you just gotta show them that you care, and they'll be 100% happier! They might even get scarier, 'cause they'll have motivation and full stomachs. Everybody wins!
You know what else this camp needs? I mean, besides an Applebee's and love and understanding and better wages and a dental plan for the gorillas and a water slide for the toucans and a giant hedge maze? More color! Plain old wood is so Wisconsin. But it can't be like in those weird gated community places where rich people and old ladies live, 'cause they only let you paint your house a pastel color, and pastels are for spring, and since this is a summer camp, that would just be tacky. There's gotta be stickers and flowers and maybe polka dots with little smiley faces in 'em! If you had more neighbors, I could sign this place up for one of those TV shows where people switch houses with their neighbors and redo stuff! Too bad nobody else lives in Louisiana, 'sides dinosaurs. I guess I gotta do this by myself!
GORILLA. Get me some permanent markers, stat! This camp needs RAINBOWS.
Poll Vote!
Character: Akatsuki Chika
Series: Zombie-Loan
Character Age: 16
Canon: What if you had special eyes that could tell you whether or not someone was dead or dying? As Kita Michiru can tell you, DON'T pretend you don't have them. As Akatsuki Chika can tell you, DO enter employment as a bloodhound for a loan office wherein hunting zombies--dead people posing among the living--is just one way to pay off your cosmic debt. Chika should've died six months ago in an accident that killed everyone else involved, but instead he made a deal with the office: in order to earn back an ordinary existence, he's become one of the Zombie-Loan agency's debtors, and he thinks Michiru's powers are his ticket to cashing in.
While Chika is technically a zombie, he's actually incredibly lively, filled to the brim with attitude problems and a particular kind of passion for life. He's crass, egotistical, and short-tempered, complete with a protective instinct and a clingy side. Chika's right hand belongs to his partner, Shito, the only other survivor of the accident. When he trades Shito back for his original hand, he can wield a katana with which he performs spiritual memorials and beats shit up for money. Desperate to pay off his debt, in his spare time Chika works like crazy, charges people for inane things (I PICKED UP SOMETHING OFF THE FLOOR FOR YOU YESTERDAY, YOU NOW OWE ME FIVE HUNDRED YEN), and bets hundreds of dollars on schoolyard soccer games. There's nothing about gold-digging to be ashamed of; after all, it's hard out here for a zombie.
Sample Post:
A man in life can resist a great many temptations, you know. More than he ever thinks he can, and even more in death, when there's not much he can ask from anyone.
BUT COME ON. What kind of crappy sadist makes free money signs leading into the middle of nowhere for fun!? Do you know how many brainless suckers are going to get roped into this kind of scandal? And don't you say I'm one of them or I'll tie cinder blocks to your legs and toss you into that damn lake over there. It'll do shit to you. With a healthy glow like that, I don't see how it couldn't.
Although! Maybe this wasn't such a blatant horrible trap after all, huh? Check it out, Shit-Shito! Zombies, zombies everywhere and not a limb to spare--that's how the saying goes, right? So here's the plan: we come, we see, we conquer. I'll get the twenty-three on the left, you get the twenty-two on the right, we make a fortune off the bounties on these guys and live like kings. More importantly, live in general.
...what, these things are a dime a dozen? Literally? Man...with that kind of money you couldn't even pay off a locker rental. Alright, alright, new plan: since killing you isn't worth my precious time, in exchange for prolonging your meaningless existences, you are all now my slaves. Which means you do whatever I tell you do, and if you screw up it'll only add to the amount of time you spend in servitude. Not to mention the amount of money you owe. What money, you ask? What money indeed.
You there! Who stepped on my foot! That's three thousand yen to replace these sneakers! And you, pissing on that tree, that's a SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND FEE for wrecking private property! That's right, it's OURS. After a little renovation, maybe gettin' some construction workers on board, we're going to build a tree fort and it's going to be the official home of the Camp Fuck You Die branch of Z-Loan, of which I, Akatsuki Chika, would be more than happy to claim leadership. No sudden movements or you'll be in debt as high as your eyeballs.
...no, putting your eyeballs on the ground doesn't make you exempt. That's a hundred yen right there for defacing yourself, you valuable union worker, you.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tachibana Shito
Series: Zombie-Loan
Character Age: High school student. 16-17?
Canon: One day, a girl named Kita Michiru becomes involved in the affairs of two older students, Tachibana Shito and Akatsuki Chika. The reason? She has 'Shinigami Eyes,' an ability that lets her see people marked for death who still live-zombies, prey to dark desires and eaters of human flesh. Their job? To destroy these zombies, pay off their debt at the supernatural Z-LOAN office, and regain their own lives. Due to a body-part mixup during revival, Chika and Shito each possess the other's right hand: if they switch them for over an hour (to summon weapons) or stay too far apart, the hands will rot and fall off.
Shito is the quieter of the duo, his public face being a calm, clever exposition man with a deadpan brand of humor. Although polite and gentlemanly when it suits him to be, he's usually blunt, selfish, insulting, and is more likely than Chika to kill or injure people if it appears necessary. Of course, this doesn't stop him from getting flustered over clothing or objects being out of place, revealing himself to be computer illiterate ("CHAT? OFFLINE? Some kind of code?") and generally, at times, being an utter retard.
Sample Post:
Step one: blow a hole in the crate. Step two: get out of the crate. Step three: shoot some zombies in the face. Any questions? I hope you have them, because clearly this whole setup is a farce.
Not only are there far too many undead here for the Director to have created by herself, but even her attempts to hide it from the public and authorities are too flimsy to be anything but a setup for curious investigators. And so you ran right into it, didn't you, idiot Akatsuki? If I ever have to follow you into a swamp full of traps again, I'll kill you. These reports ... chemical office mismanagement? Cruel and unusual skin diseases of the west? Ga6 + Y9 -> H2O(orz)? It doesn't add up.
Evidence garnered from online records, however, suggests far worse than even that. Just look at these topics on 4CHAN/A/owatagoosaiyam.jpg. 'Down Where It's Wetter' penetrative therapy is ominous enough by itself. 'Sing with All the Voices of the Toucans, Paint with All the Colours of the Lake' auditions, even worse. 'Like a Newbie, Saving for the Very First Time' ... What does that one even have to do with--never mind. It's just a box, Shito. Just a box.
The point is that between these and the subtle, private '... --- ...' code used by the indigent population, even a child could see that your fearsome overlord and her fiancé are merely pawns in a larger game. Think on it, if you're at all capable, and the truth becomes obvious.
The butler did it.
... and if anyone here believes that, then you're even more hopeless than I thought you were. And cheap a bounty as you might be, I'll be glad to remove the lot of you in record service time. You, especially. Your flesh may be foul and rotting, and you might devour brains like a gluttonous beast, but worst of all? You've gone and wrinkled my pants. It's disgusting!
Poll Vote!
Character: Delita Heiral
Series: Final Fantasy Tactics
Character Age: 17
Canon: Final Fantasy Tactics is SquareEnix's tale of Murder and Betrayal in the Medieval ages at the time of what is known as the Lion War, complete with powerful knights, evil sorcerers, kidnapping, demonic possession, and more backstabbing than you can shake a chocobo feather at.
Ramza Beoulve may have been the true hero of the Lion War, but it is his best friend Delita that history will always remember. Starting from his humble beginnings as a commoner knight-in-training to single-handedly overthrowing two opposing political alliances, to finally rising from the carnage as the King of Ivalice, Delita Heiral is a man who is not afraid to manipulate and use the most dirty and underhanded tactics to eliminate the obstacles in his path. Even if it means killing his best friend or toying with the heart of a princess, Delita will do it. Despite his ruthlessness, Delita is not nearly as heartless as he appears to be, though he will present that façade to both friend and enemy alike. In truth, Delita wants the fighting to end, for his kingdom to live in peace, and for his friends to be happy. But what true mastermind doesn't have a weakness for sentimentalism?
NOTE: Since the official translation of Final Fantasy Tactics is, shall we say, lacking in some points, Delita's voice is being based on a more up-to-date translation of the game script, the basis of which can be found here. The fact that he tends to alternate between formal knightly-speak and informal common speak is better represented this way, I think.
Sample Post:
How quaint.
This place feels more like Igros than I care for, and abundant with just as many easily manipulated fools. See there, they congregate like a school of fish; all moving in one direction and just as viscous when removed from their element. I must send my commendations to Lady Director, of course. Though a tad sloppy on their upkeep, a band of idiots led by the Pied Piper is better than none led at all. Skin tone notwithstanding, of course, but my God, man, are there no chemists in your party? This is precisely the manner of ruling I aim to abolish. It is a sad and depressing day when not a single party member can spare a solitary potion for the weak of body! ... ah, Pardon me, I was temporarily blinded by the notions of a heartened idealist. I'm sure you're used to such scum of the earth beleaguering you with their nonsense day after day, and with fair reason; you seem to inspire that sort of mentality in such infantile upstarts, do you not? Nevertheless, I apologize, milady. You will forgive me, of course.
I see that I have neglected to state my purpose first and foremost. Many apologies, milady, you could say I was distracted by your artistry -- oh yes, that is what I call it. Only someone with the mind and soul of a true virtuoso could have imagined such an intricate settlement, and the ability to encompass so many under your command is nearly breath-taking, if you will permit me a moment of insolence. Will you be so gracious as to allow a commoner such as myself to compliment you in my crude tongue? I am humbled. Why, I slaughtered a gang of thieves with moss-streaked skin intent on robbing me of my purse (and by the sounds of it, my dignity) to get this far, merely to announce my admiration of your brilliance. I assure you that the gathering crowd is a mere coincidence.
Despite my modest admiration of your work, I am afraid I must inform you that your reign will soon be coming to an end. The aforementioned poor beggars are now under my command, milady, and so desperate where they to be freed from your tyranny that they nearly fell apart at my offer! "Tis but a scratch," he said. Good man, good man. Ergo, it is clear to me now why this bog recalls the memory of Igros: my duty is evident before mine eyes, and it is to beset you with the rage of the people whom you have scorned and treated unfairly for too long! It will be your undoing, milady, this I do declare before the eyes of all those who would seek to join me.
After all, it is not the size of your fascism that matters, but how you use it.
Poll Vote!