(no subject)
GUYS YOU'RE RAPING YOUR MODS HEAVILY. Therefore, have an app batch to distract yourselves with while we attempt to reply to all of you. :( Apps are still open for another nine hours!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. ... good lord, 60+ votes already. We're done here.
Character: Maximillion Galactica (Billy Bob Johns)
Series: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All
Character Age: 21
Canon: Maximillion Galactica is an extravagant, dramatic, flamboyant, milk-loving, fabulously fabulous charmer of a magician whose favored tricks are of flight and fancy. While it can be hard to take this pink-haired, starry-faced man seriously, he's pretty together ... okay, relatively together. He carries with him a silk hat, a cloak, two white roses, and one hell of an ego, and his status as the greatest magician in the world (he has the magnificent bust to prove it!) doesn't really help matters. The man is prone to wanton jerkosity, often casting insults towards those he doesn't approve of and bonking poor social retards over the heads with juice bottles. Get on his good side, or just be amiable in his general direction, and everything's FABULOUS ... quite literally, as he drops the word and variations of it almost as often as he does the Nickname of the Chosen: "sweetie".
There's more to this lovely magician than meets the eye, however; beneath the guise lays bona fide country bumpkin Billy Bob Johns, born to a farmer with a mite bit of debt troubles - part of the reason our good friend Max demands to be well-paid. Though almost always in fabulous character, Maximillion's country side pokes through whenever he's feeling significantly distressed.
Sample Post:
Ms. Sayre, life is like a fabulous big top here in camp! Zombies, toucans, gorillas; it's a camp blur. Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history ... Camp Tales, woo-woo... AHEM. I apologize for my outburst, sweetie; I don't know what came over me, but since you've yet to make your undoubtedly fabulous grand entrance, allow me to send a mere portion of my regret through your ludicrous, no-nosed, olfactorily offensive assistant.
...! Oh sweet geebus. Assistant, please do not take my words with such fabulous offense. Think of them as inspiration! Why, with a little more ambition you could amble onto the Grand Prix's world stage. Your name would be in the finest 6-pt font on the most FA-BU-LOUS program ever printed. "Stage Sweeper: Braingelina." Try hard enough and you may one day collect a colorful crew of help from all over the world to be at your disposal. Can you see it now? Good!
... Anyways! Before I send you back with my apology, please inform my sweetie of this: Maximillion Galactica can appreciate the wonderfully, fantastically fabulous tribute she's created! The lake, why it must bear the same color and glow as her Stephen's eyes; the ground, the tone of his skin during a refreshing mud bath; and the aubergine simians are surely reminiscent of that fabulous black eye he must have received when once he made her mad. It is because her help is little more than a throng of perpetually petulant peons, and because of her cretinous clients' ignorance when it comes to true love that she's become so reclusive, but I will show them all the light through SUPER FABULOUS magic!!
Tell Ms Sayre I can bring her understanding.. I can take away the pain. I will stand by her for ninety minutes if she hurries, for then we must engage in salary discussion if I am to go forward. I refuse to accept peanuts as a form of payment and though almonds, cashews and pecans are fabulous, they are also out of the question. Ahem. If this approaching armed horde is her current offer, I'm afraid you'll have to inform my sweetie that I do not deal in unlives or shotguns either. That dragon is tempting, HOWEVER I prefer to be less obtuse and more subtle; less laser and more ...
L-l-l-laser? A-a-a-ah ... I... I... I... I'm thinkin' this might be 'bout the way my poor mousie's heart had't've been beatin' way back when it was 'bout to meet Aunt Jemimah's rear... help, y-y'all, help!
Poll Vote!
Character: Nightcrawler, aka Kurt Wagner
Series: X-Men: Evolution
Character Age: 17
Canon: Mutants in the X-Men universe typically have enough to worry about, just trying to control their powers. But what if the X gene didn't just come with mutant abilities, but a mutant appearance? Meet Kurt Wagner, an X-man who doesn't look much like a man at all. Blue furred, three fingered, and demon-tailed, his friends call him 'elf' and 'fuzzy' but rarely do they call him human. Even he refers to himself as a mutant rather than a person, which isn't surprising when you consider that he spent much of his life hiding from the world so he wouldn't frighten others. Professor Xavier gives him a chance to live someplace he'll be fully accepted by his peers... and a holographic image inducer (disguised as a watch) so that he appears human and can go to school with other teenagers.
Life is suddenly good for the fuzzy dude, and within his first episode Kurt's true personality begins to shine through. He's energetic and cheerful, the jokester of the group, always optimistic and eager for whatever life and training throw at him. Things are never easy for Kurt, but he endures and comes back stronger every season, and so do his powers. As Nightcrawler he's a teleporter, who uses his abilities to traverse great distances, get inside locked buildings, and bypass the crowded hallways when he's late for class. He can most often be found at the nearest fast food place, or hanging upside down from a lighting fixture. Yes, -your- lighting fixture.
Don't worry. He honks before he 'ports~
((Note: Due to cartoon writer failings, despite not being a native English speaker Kurt is very fond of contractions and the word 'dude'.))
Sample App:
So, you know how sometimes you're walking along, minding your own business, and a car swerves up onto the sidewalk out of nowhere, and you're all startled? Like. Really startled? Startled enough that you wind up poofing yourself someplace that is totally not the girl's locker room like you were aiming for?
It might be sort of pathetic that this is normal for me.
Anyway, I've seriously gotta work on my re-entry. Sorry about that, Mr Gorilla, I didn't mean to land on you. I'll make it up to---n-n-no, you don't want my watch, it's not shiny at all, and don't press that----.....well, I guess it isn't that big a deal if you see what I really look like. But I'm going to need my inducer when I head home, so if you don't mind, can I have it back?
Hey! Hands off the fuzzy dude! Come on, put me down, nobody's ever going to believe I missed training because I was kidnapped by gorillas. Especially purple ones who... is that a throne?
Uh.
Yeah, just because I'm prehensile and furry doesn't mean I'm one of you. My fur is indigo, that's completely different than purple, and I'm a mutant, not a monkey. I'm sure you're a very friendly gorilla tribe, but I've seen the Discovery Channel, and sooner or later the new leader winds up roasted over a bonfire. So you can keep your nits where they are. They're really more of a "sometimes" food, and I just had a gutbomb with extra cheese.
Don't look at me like that--it's the best burger on the planet. Yeah, opposable thumbs up! You totally understand me! Now, I'm just gonna 'port myself back to Bayville, you'll find a better leader. My English isn't good enough for me to be diplomat anyway, I'm way better with sign language. What, you want me to prove it? Okay, I'll tell you what those gorillas over there are saying...
Fire. Rope. Tree? Banana...
...wait, the virgin sacrifice isn't going to be me, is it?!
Poll Vote!
Character: Karolina Dean
Series: Runaways
Character Age: 16
Canon: Karolina's childhood was picture perfect. She was the daughter of two successful Hollywood actors who worked to give her to have a normal childhood in spite of their fame and helped foster her peaceful nature. Then she found out that not only were her parents evil, but that she was secretly an alien, that her parents had been tricking her into suppressing her sun-powered alien abilities (which include flight and her body becoming rainbow-colored energy) for almost all of her life, and that they had only been interested in having her to begin with as a publicity stunt. All this when she was already troubled about not being "normal" because she was just realizing that she was gay.
At first this made her enter a manic-depression state; alternating between loving her new powers, and hating that she was, in her own eyes, a freak. At her very lowest point she essentially attempted suicide, only saved by her alien blood being poisonous to the vampire she allowed to attack her. After that brush with death she finally starts coming to terms with herself, becoming increasingly self-assured (although she never loses a tendency to stammer a lot when things start going badly unless there's a fight going on), and also starting to stand out as the peacekeeper in the group of Runaways. Even with their enemies she'll often try talking things out if she thinks it might work, although she won't hesitate to fight when it doesn't.
She got her biggest boost when she discovered that she had been betrothed to a shape-shifting alien named Xavin who wanted to bring peace to their home worlds. By accepting the engagement she was able to both learn more about her powers and heritage, and, with a fiance who could turn into a girl, finally come out of the closet. Unfortunately a fight broke out on their wedding day that ended in both her and Xavin's worlds being destroyed with only the two of them escaping. With permission from the characters already in camp, Karolina is being apped from during that escape, before she reaches Earth.
Sample Post:
This can't be Earth already, can it? I'd swear I only closed my eyes for a minute, not close to long enough to miss the whole trip home. And this definitely isn't L.A.; even Skid Row is nicer.
So we either had to make an emergency landing on a planet I've probably never heard of, or Xavin forgot where we were supposed to land and got us lost in what might be Latveria for all I know. I... I guess she didn't wait for me to wake up before leaving to scout out the area. She didn’t mean to disappear, and this isn’t going to turn into one of those urban legends where someone goes off for help and, like, gets killed by a crazy swamp mutant no matter how much these woods remind me of them. God, the only way this wedding day could get worse is if I end up having to write a "death list five", and I just don’t think I’m cut out to be Uma Thurman.
At least I think I can hear people from here. If they look human, I'll guess Earth. All I need to do is follow my ears and I'll find a... a gay pride parade? Oh, wow, the middle of nowhere must be way more progressive than I've always heard. Um, hey there!
Huh? ...No, I'm sorry, but I'm not here to play your rainbow flag. I mean, I'm totally into the whole cause and everything--out of the closets and into the streets!--but I need to find someone and get to L.A. I don't have time to participate, even though it would be fun to see what one of these things is like in real life. My parents always taught me that the news only covers the parts of events that they think will sell, but I never would have guessed that what they weren't showing was that there's as much monster make-up around as there is glitter and feathers. And that smell is... did you all rub yourselves with rotting meat?
It's a statement, right? Like, a lot of people think we're monsters because of the way we were born, but if they just look closer they'll find out we're all just hu-- people at heart? It's really cool that you'd go all out to get your message across; I... I think it might have made the time before I came out a little easier if I'd gotten that through my head.
But I've gotta say, you know what's not cool? Animal cruelty. I really don't want to be a downer for you guys, but I can't just stand here and ignore it. Being out and proud is one thing, but dyeing gorillas purple to show it is just taking things too far. Okay, it is a little funny to imagine the fit Jerry Falwell would have over 'em if he thought Tinky-Winky was bad, but that doesn't make it a good thing to do. They might just be animals, but... but why are you giving them a... Hey!
Geeze, I already said I'm not gonna be your flag! Even if I was, it still wouldn't be cool with me to try to shove a flagpole up my-- God! Stop it!
Okay, girl, let's think about this. You're outnumbered, you aren't at full strength, and you don't want to hurt the innocent animals if you can help it, so the right thing to do would be... You know what, I already know Plan A never works. No one else is around to call the shots, so this time I'm going straight to Plan B.
Run away!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ishida Uryuu
Series: Bleach
Character Age: 16
Canon: Bleach: a series that actually has nothing to do with laundry detergent, despite the name. Rather, it's all about teenage mutant ninja shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo, who kicks supernatural butt like the fabulous shounen retard he is. Of course, every shounen protagonist needs an ETERNAL RIBARU to even up the score - and that's where Ishida Uryuu comes in.
Ishida is the yin to Ichigo's yang: a cool, calculating, often arrogant and somewhat socially inept young man obsessed with pride and his own self-righteousness. He is the last of the Quincy, a group of supernatural fighters whose conflict with the shinigami led to their own destruction about two hundred years ago. As a result, Ishida himself harbors a raging hate-on for anything shinigami. This eventually leads him to stalk and then challenge Kurosaki Ichigo, an event which he didn't quite plan out properly in the first place. Smooth and logical as he may be, Ishida spazzes terribly once things stop going his way. When not trying (and often failing) to be an utter badass, he's actually the biggest sewing and fashion dork ever. This is a guy who has a problem with the word "haphazard," refuses to wear buttons, and always, always brings a spare cape into battle. Just in case.
Sample Application:
I believe I am in something of a predicament.
That very fact is highly unusual for a Quincy of my caliber. When I am on a mission in an unfamiliar, presumably hostile place, I expect to remain in the same unfamiliar, presumably hostile place. I am approximately as fond of wandering aimlessly through a swamp as I am wearing clashing colors of plaid. Especially when the only vaguely sentient creatures are rabbits who insist that I should have turned left somewhere in the vicinity of Albuquerque.
The zombies, naturally, do not count as being sentient. I would ask why the shinigami have not dealt with this problem just yet, but the answer should be self-evident. Even if they have noted the situation, odds are that they are already doing it wrong. Kurosaki, you may assume that I am including you in this statement. I am aware that you often need assistance in looking up at my insults as they fly past. It is a matter that can be resolved even without the use of supernatural abilities. A knitting needle to the correct acupuncture point - in this case, the eye socket - would do the job with approximately 65% less blood involved. If I had my supplies with me, I could spend a few moments cleaning up this rabble.
... therein lies the predicament. It is not enough that I am lost, particularly while zombies and shinigami are in the area. Of course not. Clearly the situation calls for the haphaz - erratic placement of enormous buttons around this camp. Most of them are currently nipping at my heels and occasionally stealing the pack of sewing supplies from my back. Why on earth would buttons want such things to begin with? There aren't any scarf patterns in existence that would look good on a horde of buttons! At least when they robbed me of my backup capes, I was able to presume they had some semblance of taste - albeit, the incorrect kind of taste.
I - I will not tolerate this any longer. A Quincy is more than capable of handling such petty nuisances, regardless of how many capes he is wearing.
Enormous cape-eating buttons! Ishida Uryuu, the last of the Quincy, shall not be your lunch!
Poll Vote!
Character: Hinamori Momo
Series: Bleach
Character Age: unknown, appears about her mid-teens
Canon: In a world where heartless (but not Heartless), masked spirits called Hollows prey upon the souls of the deceased, it's the job of the black-robed shinigami to keep the peace. Unfortunately, all is not well in Soul Society, with troubles ranging from intruders from the outside to traitors from within.
In the midst of all this is Hinamori. Second in command of the 5th division, she's a cheerful and friendly girl with a positive outlook. She's also hardworking and willful, and quick to jump to the defense of people she cares about, such as her childhood friend and 10th division shouta captain Hitsugaya and her own captain Aizen. Her trusting nature is both a blessing and a bane, however, when her near-blind devotion leads her into harm's way. Of course, thanks to [spoilers] she now copes with terrible issues of betrayal and hurt, but even so she still continues to cling to her optimism and her faith in those she trusts despite all that's happened.
Sample Post:
Ah! So this is where everyone is! I was a little worried I wouldn't find anyone, this place is so big and some of the other people here seemed a little strange... I really don't think parts are supposed to fall off like that, maybe someone should help them...
Oh yes, I'm Hinamori Momo, it's a pleasure to meet you all! --ah, yes, of course that means you too, Bear-san! And thank you, but I really don't need any candy. But maybe you could give it to Hitsugaya-kun if you see him. You would like him, I think!
Ah, right! I'm really glad to meet you all. The Director-san said so many nice things about this place and all the people here-- What's so funny? She really did! And she was so nice and--
Eeeeehh?! How can you say things like that! You shouldn't say things like that about people, even if you don't like them!
Why does everyone here all say such horrible things about the Director-san? She's really a nice person! You just need to meet her and get to know her... And I know the Director-san did some really bad things, and it's not right to just keep everyone here. But I think she really didn't mean to, she just couldn't do anything about it. She didn't have any choice... That must be it! Somebody's just been using the Director-san, forcing her to do all those things. I'm sure she's a good person, you just need to help her! You could--
--ah? Yes, of course I really mean it! You really shouldn't-- what is that supposed to mean? I don't even know what you're talking about now and what does the name of a river have to do with anything...
Poll Vote!
Character: Sasaki Koutarou
Series: Eyeshield 21
Character Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is That American Football manga, where all anyone ever really wants in the series is to make it to the final match, called the "Christmas Bowl." Known as the number one kicker in the series, Sasaki Koutarou plays for the Bando Spiders, another underdog team that is working its way through the tournament. Koutarou is loud, energetic, and fixated on proving to everyone that kickers are just as important as any other player in American football. He is also intent on keeping his number one title, and challenges Deimon's former kicker, Musashi, to kick duels whenever he can. He also makes it a hobby of his to show up his teammate, Akaba, whenever he feels like it.
Koutarou tends not to think things through and prefers to dive in headfirst. He also has a habit of referring to things as "smart". While Koutarou cares deeply for his friends, he almost never worries about the consequences of his actions and goes with whatever his first whim may be. Unfortunately, this makes him appear more foolish than anything else, with a puppy-like gung-ho enthusiasm about everything and anything he does. Pointing fingers at people while standing on a rail? Sure! Proclaiming loudly about his sheer awesomeness while doing the aforementioned? Hey, it's smart!!
... in other words, the series' ace kicker is roughly sixteen going on five and sees nothing wrong with that.
Sample Post:
FOUND YOU!!
--ohh, this HTML stuff is smart! Haha, you didn't think a little thing like some dinky ocean'd get in the way of me and our ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, didja Musashi?! That's what I thought! Be a man and come out now, 'cause we're gonna settle this once and for--
. . . aw geez, not again! These laptops aren't smart at all! You'd think a declaration of our super-awesome rivalry'd be easy or something, but nooooooo. Every time I even try to post one of these challenges to him, the computer thing keeps yellin' at me with stuff like "warning: database heaving due to excessive HTML abuse" and "gratuitous use of animated .gifs; sad dial-up in snow," and even "cut if you care." Pshh, what kind of guy do you take me for?! Sasaki Koutarou cuts for no man!!
Man, forget this computer stuff! Is this really all you guys do all day? Sit and mess around on these things, I mean? That's gotta be pretty boring, 'specially when you've got all this neat stuff you could be doin' outside. And you'll get Tarpel Cunnel or whatever it's called from using 'em, which isn't smart at all! Why not try goin' outside for once instead? I know you guys've got some decent sports fields around here -- heck, you've even got a bunch of people to play with you. They don't even need jerseys since they're already different colors! Like my new buddy "Brawns" here. Pretty sure that's what he said his name was . . . Just gotta ignore the stench and the falling apart thing -- that's what athletic tape's for!
See, I hear you have a bunch of American football teams or whatever, but I bet you're missin' something! Know what that is? Kicking. Sure, sure, they always tell you it's all about your offense or your defense and you guys talk a lot about puttin' it in or whatever, but back where I'm from? We kick it in! I've been teachin' these guys a few tricks of the super smart kick team trade so they can demonstrate to all of you how smart a kicking style can be and how my team, the Gangrene Gouts, are totally going to whup Musashi's team. Right! You ready there, pal? Go for the goal, Brawns! Go for the goal!!
. . . Well, buddy. I guess your foot'll count for something. WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE TAPE!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. ... good lord, 60+ votes already. We're done here.
Character: Maximillion Galactica (Billy Bob Johns)
Series: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All
Character Age: 21
Canon: Maximillion Galactica is an extravagant, dramatic, flamboyant, milk-loving, fabulously fabulous charmer of a magician whose favored tricks are of flight and fancy. While it can be hard to take this pink-haired, starry-faced man seriously, he's pretty together ... okay, relatively together. He carries with him a silk hat, a cloak, two white roses, and one hell of an ego, and his status as the greatest magician in the world (he has the magnificent bust to prove it!) doesn't really help matters. The man is prone to wanton jerkosity, often casting insults towards those he doesn't approve of and bonking poor social retards over the heads with juice bottles. Get on his good side, or just be amiable in his general direction, and everything's FABULOUS ... quite literally, as he drops the word and variations of it almost as often as he does the Nickname of the Chosen: "sweetie".
There's more to this lovely magician than meets the eye, however; beneath the guise lays bona fide country bumpkin Billy Bob Johns, born to a farmer with a mite bit of debt troubles - part of the reason our good friend Max demands to be well-paid. Though almost always in fabulous character, Maximillion's country side pokes through whenever he's feeling significantly distressed.
Sample Post:
Ms. Sayre, life is like a fabulous big top here in camp! Zombies, toucans, gorillas; it's a camp blur. Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history ... Camp Tales, woo-woo... AHEM. I apologize for my outburst, sweetie; I don't know what came over me, but since you've yet to make your undoubtedly fabulous grand entrance, allow me to send a mere portion of my regret through your ludicrous, no-nosed, olfactorily offensive assistant.
...! Oh sweet geebus. Assistant, please do not take my words with such fabulous offense. Think of them as inspiration! Why, with a little more ambition you could amble onto the Grand Prix's world stage. Your name would be in the finest 6-pt font on the most FA-BU-LOUS program ever printed. "Stage Sweeper: Braingelina." Try hard enough and you may one day collect a colorful crew of help from all over the world to be at your disposal. Can you see it now? Good!
... Anyways! Before I send you back with my apology, please inform my sweetie of this: Maximillion Galactica can appreciate the wonderfully, fantastically fabulous tribute she's created! The lake, why it must bear the same color and glow as her Stephen's eyes; the ground, the tone of his skin during a refreshing mud bath; and the aubergine simians are surely reminiscent of that fabulous black eye he must have received when once he made her mad. It is because her help is little more than a throng of perpetually petulant peons, and because of her cretinous clients' ignorance when it comes to true love that she's become so reclusive, but I will show them all the light through SUPER FABULOUS magic!!
Tell Ms Sayre I can bring her understanding.. I can take away the pain. I will stand by her for ninety minutes if she hurries, for then we must engage in salary discussion if I am to go forward. I refuse to accept peanuts as a form of payment and though almonds, cashews and pecans are fabulous, they are also out of the question. Ahem. If this approaching armed horde is her current offer, I'm afraid you'll have to inform my sweetie that I do not deal in unlives or shotguns either. That dragon is tempting, HOWEVER I prefer to be less obtuse and more subtle; less laser and more ...
L-l-l-laser? A-a-a-ah ... I... I... I... I'm thinkin' this might be 'bout the way my poor mousie's heart had't've been beatin' way back when it was 'bout to meet Aunt Jemimah's rear... help, y-y'all, help!
Poll Vote!
Character: Nightcrawler, aka Kurt Wagner
Series: X-Men: Evolution
Character Age: 17
Canon: Mutants in the X-Men universe typically have enough to worry about, just trying to control their powers. But what if the X gene didn't just come with mutant abilities, but a mutant appearance? Meet Kurt Wagner, an X-man who doesn't look much like a man at all. Blue furred, three fingered, and demon-tailed, his friends call him 'elf' and 'fuzzy' but rarely do they call him human. Even he refers to himself as a mutant rather than a person, which isn't surprising when you consider that he spent much of his life hiding from the world so he wouldn't frighten others. Professor Xavier gives him a chance to live someplace he'll be fully accepted by his peers... and a holographic image inducer (disguised as a watch) so that he appears human and can go to school with other teenagers.
Life is suddenly good for the fuzzy dude, and within his first episode Kurt's true personality begins to shine through. He's energetic and cheerful, the jokester of the group, always optimistic and eager for whatever life and training throw at him. Things are never easy for Kurt, but he endures and comes back stronger every season, and so do his powers. As Nightcrawler he's a teleporter, who uses his abilities to traverse great distances, get inside locked buildings, and bypass the crowded hallways when he's late for class. He can most often be found at the nearest fast food place, or hanging upside down from a lighting fixture. Yes, -your- lighting fixture.
Don't worry. He honks before he 'ports~
((Note: Due to cartoon writer failings, despite not being a native English speaker Kurt is very fond of contractions and the word 'dude'.))
Sample App:
So, you know how sometimes you're walking along, minding your own business, and a car swerves up onto the sidewalk out of nowhere, and you're all startled? Like. Really startled? Startled enough that you wind up poofing yourself someplace that is totally not the girl's locker room like you were aiming for?
It might be sort of pathetic that this is normal for me.
Anyway, I've seriously gotta work on my re-entry. Sorry about that, Mr Gorilla, I didn't mean to land on you. I'll make it up to---n-n-no, you don't want my watch, it's not shiny at all, and don't press that----.....well, I guess it isn't that big a deal if you see what I really look like. But I'm going to need my inducer when I head home, so if you don't mind, can I have it back?
Hey! Hands off the fuzzy dude! Come on, put me down, nobody's ever going to believe I missed training because I was kidnapped by gorillas. Especially purple ones who... is that a throne?
Uh.
Yeah, just because I'm prehensile and furry doesn't mean I'm one of you. My fur is indigo, that's completely different than purple, and I'm a mutant, not a monkey. I'm sure you're a very friendly gorilla tribe, but I've seen the Discovery Channel, and sooner or later the new leader winds up roasted over a bonfire. So you can keep your nits where they are. They're really more of a "sometimes" food, and I just had a gutbomb with extra cheese.
Don't look at me like that--it's the best burger on the planet. Yeah, opposable thumbs up! You totally understand me! Now, I'm just gonna 'port myself back to Bayville, you'll find a better leader. My English isn't good enough for me to be diplomat anyway, I'm way better with sign language. What, you want me to prove it? Okay, I'll tell you what those gorillas over there are saying...
Fire. Rope. Tree? Banana...
...wait, the virgin sacrifice isn't going to be me, is it?!
Poll Vote!
Character: Karolina Dean
Series: Runaways
Character Age: 16
Canon: Karolina's childhood was picture perfect. She was the daughter of two successful Hollywood actors who worked to give her to have a normal childhood in spite of their fame and helped foster her peaceful nature. Then she found out that not only were her parents evil, but that she was secretly an alien, that her parents had been tricking her into suppressing her sun-powered alien abilities (which include flight and her body becoming rainbow-colored energy) for almost all of her life, and that they had only been interested in having her to begin with as a publicity stunt. All this when she was already troubled about not being "normal" because she was just realizing that she was gay.
At first this made her enter a manic-depression state; alternating between loving her new powers, and hating that she was, in her own eyes, a freak. At her very lowest point she essentially attempted suicide, only saved by her alien blood being poisonous to the vampire she allowed to attack her. After that brush with death she finally starts coming to terms with herself, becoming increasingly self-assured (although she never loses a tendency to stammer a lot when things start going badly unless there's a fight going on), and also starting to stand out as the peacekeeper in the group of Runaways. Even with their enemies she'll often try talking things out if she thinks it might work, although she won't hesitate to fight when it doesn't.
She got her biggest boost when she discovered that she had been betrothed to a shape-shifting alien named Xavin who wanted to bring peace to their home worlds. By accepting the engagement she was able to both learn more about her powers and heritage, and, with a fiance who could turn into a girl, finally come out of the closet. Unfortunately a fight broke out on their wedding day that ended in both her and Xavin's worlds being destroyed with only the two of them escaping. With permission from the characters already in camp, Karolina is being apped from during that escape, before she reaches Earth.
Sample Post:
This can't be Earth already, can it? I'd swear I only closed my eyes for a minute, not close to long enough to miss the whole trip home. And this definitely isn't L.A.; even Skid Row is nicer.
So we either had to make an emergency landing on a planet I've probably never heard of, or Xavin forgot where we were supposed to land and got us lost in what might be Latveria for all I know. I... I guess she didn't wait for me to wake up before leaving to scout out the area. She didn’t mean to disappear, and this isn’t going to turn into one of those urban legends where someone goes off for help and, like, gets killed by a crazy swamp mutant no matter how much these woods remind me of them. God, the only way this wedding day could get worse is if I end up having to write a "death list five", and I just don’t think I’m cut out to be Uma Thurman.
At least I think I can hear people from here. If they look human, I'll guess Earth. All I need to do is follow my ears and I'll find a... a gay pride parade? Oh, wow, the middle of nowhere must be way more progressive than I've always heard. Um, hey there!
Huh? ...No, I'm sorry, but I'm not here to play your rainbow flag. I mean, I'm totally into the whole cause and everything--out of the closets and into the streets!--but I need to find someone and get to L.A. I don't have time to participate, even though it would be fun to see what one of these things is like in real life. My parents always taught me that the news only covers the parts of events that they think will sell, but I never would have guessed that what they weren't showing was that there's as much monster make-up around as there is glitter and feathers. And that smell is... did you all rub yourselves with rotting meat?
It's a statement, right? Like, a lot of people think we're monsters because of the way we were born, but if they just look closer they'll find out we're all just hu-- people at heart? It's really cool that you'd go all out to get your message across; I... I think it might have made the time before I came out a little easier if I'd gotten that through my head.
But I've gotta say, you know what's not cool? Animal cruelty. I really don't want to be a downer for you guys, but I can't just stand here and ignore it. Being out and proud is one thing, but dyeing gorillas purple to show it is just taking things too far. Okay, it is a little funny to imagine the fit Jerry Falwell would have over 'em if he thought Tinky-Winky was bad, but that doesn't make it a good thing to do. They might just be animals, but... but why are you giving them a... Hey!
Geeze, I already said I'm not gonna be your flag! Even if I was, it still wouldn't be cool with me to try to shove a flagpole up my-- God! Stop it!
Okay, girl, let's think about this. You're outnumbered, you aren't at full strength, and you don't want to hurt the innocent animals if you can help it, so the right thing to do would be... You know what, I already know Plan A never works. No one else is around to call the shots, so this time I'm going straight to Plan B.
Run away!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ishida Uryuu
Series: Bleach
Character Age: 16
Canon: Bleach: a series that actually has nothing to do with laundry detergent, despite the name. Rather, it's all about teenage mutant ninja shinigami Kurosaki Ichigo, who kicks supernatural butt like the fabulous shounen retard he is. Of course, every shounen protagonist needs an ETERNAL RIBARU to even up the score - and that's where Ishida Uryuu comes in.
Ishida is the yin to Ichigo's yang: a cool, calculating, often arrogant and somewhat socially inept young man obsessed with pride and his own self-righteousness. He is the last of the Quincy, a group of supernatural fighters whose conflict with the shinigami led to their own destruction about two hundred years ago. As a result, Ishida himself harbors a raging hate-on for anything shinigami. This eventually leads him to stalk and then challenge Kurosaki Ichigo, an event which he didn't quite plan out properly in the first place. Smooth and logical as he may be, Ishida spazzes terribly once things stop going his way. When not trying (and often failing) to be an utter badass, he's actually the biggest sewing and fashion dork ever. This is a guy who has a problem with the word "haphazard," refuses to wear buttons, and always, always brings a spare cape into battle. Just in case.
Sample Application:
I believe I am in something of a predicament.
That very fact is highly unusual for a Quincy of my caliber. When I am on a mission in an unfamiliar, presumably hostile place, I expect to remain in the same unfamiliar, presumably hostile place. I am approximately as fond of wandering aimlessly through a swamp as I am wearing clashing colors of plaid. Especially when the only vaguely sentient creatures are rabbits who insist that I should have turned left somewhere in the vicinity of Albuquerque.
The zombies, naturally, do not count as being sentient. I would ask why the shinigami have not dealt with this problem just yet, but the answer should be self-evident. Even if they have noted the situation, odds are that they are already doing it wrong. Kurosaki, you may assume that I am including you in this statement. I am aware that you often need assistance in looking up at my insults as they fly past. It is a matter that can be resolved even without the use of supernatural abilities. A knitting needle to the correct acupuncture point - in this case, the eye socket - would do the job with approximately 65% less blood involved. If I had my supplies with me, I could spend a few moments cleaning up this rabble.
... therein lies the predicament. It is not enough that I am lost, particularly while zombies and shinigami are in the area. Of course not. Clearly the situation calls for the haphaz - erratic placement of enormous buttons around this camp. Most of them are currently nipping at my heels and occasionally stealing the pack of sewing supplies from my back. Why on earth would buttons want such things to begin with? There aren't any scarf patterns in existence that would look good on a horde of buttons! At least when they robbed me of my backup capes, I was able to presume they had some semblance of taste - albeit, the incorrect kind of taste.
I - I will not tolerate this any longer. A Quincy is more than capable of handling such petty nuisances, regardless of how many capes he is wearing.
Enormous cape-eating buttons! Ishida Uryuu, the last of the Quincy, shall not be your lunch!
Poll Vote!
Character: Hinamori Momo
Series: Bleach
Character Age: unknown, appears about her mid-teens
Canon: In a world where heartless (but not Heartless), masked spirits called Hollows prey upon the souls of the deceased, it's the job of the black-robed shinigami to keep the peace. Unfortunately, all is not well in Soul Society, with troubles ranging from intruders from the outside to traitors from within.
In the midst of all this is Hinamori. Second in command of the 5th division, she's a cheerful and friendly girl with a positive outlook. She's also hardworking and willful, and quick to jump to the defense of people she cares about, such as her childhood friend and 10th division shouta captain Hitsugaya and her own captain Aizen. Her trusting nature is both a blessing and a bane, however, when her near-blind devotion leads her into harm's way. Of course, thanks to [spoilers] she now copes with terrible issues of betrayal and hurt, but even so she still continues to cling to her optimism and her faith in those she trusts despite all that's happened.
Sample Post:
Ah! So this is where everyone is! I was a little worried I wouldn't find anyone, this place is so big and some of the other people here seemed a little strange... I really don't think parts are supposed to fall off like that, maybe someone should help them...
Oh yes, I'm Hinamori Momo, it's a pleasure to meet you all! --ah, yes, of course that means you too, Bear-san! And thank you, but I really don't need any candy. But maybe you could give it to Hitsugaya-kun if you see him. You would like him, I think!
Ah, right! I'm really glad to meet you all. The Director-san said so many nice things about this place and all the people here-- What's so funny? She really did! And she was so nice and--
Eeeeehh?! How can you say things like that! You shouldn't say things like that about people, even if you don't like them!
Why does everyone here all say such horrible things about the Director-san? She's really a nice person! You just need to meet her and get to know her... And I know the Director-san did some really bad things, and it's not right to just keep everyone here. But I think she really didn't mean to, she just couldn't do anything about it. She didn't have any choice... That must be it! Somebody's just been using the Director-san, forcing her to do all those things. I'm sure she's a good person, you just need to help her! You could--
--ah? Yes, of course I really mean it! You really shouldn't-- what is that supposed to mean? I don't even know what you're talking about now and what does the name of a river have to do with anything...
Poll Vote!
Character: Sasaki Koutarou
Series: Eyeshield 21
Character Age: 16
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is That American Football manga, where all anyone ever really wants in the series is to make it to the final match, called the "Christmas Bowl." Known as the number one kicker in the series, Sasaki Koutarou plays for the Bando Spiders, another underdog team that is working its way through the tournament. Koutarou is loud, energetic, and fixated on proving to everyone that kickers are just as important as any other player in American football. He is also intent on keeping his number one title, and challenges Deimon's former kicker, Musashi, to kick duels whenever he can. He also makes it a hobby of his to show up his teammate, Akaba, whenever he feels like it.
Koutarou tends not to think things through and prefers to dive in headfirst. He also has a habit of referring to things as "smart". While Koutarou cares deeply for his friends, he almost never worries about the consequences of his actions and goes with whatever his first whim may be. Unfortunately, this makes him appear more foolish than anything else, with a puppy-like gung-ho enthusiasm about everything and anything he does. Pointing fingers at people while standing on a rail? Sure! Proclaiming loudly about his sheer awesomeness while doing the aforementioned? Hey, it's smart!!
... in other words, the series' ace kicker is roughly sixteen going on five and sees nothing wrong with that.
Sample Post:
FOUND YOU!!
--ohh, this HTML stuff is smart! Haha, you didn't think a little thing like some dinky ocean'd get in the way of me and our ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny, didja Musashi?! That's what I thought! Be a man and come out now, 'cause we're gonna settle this once and for--
. . . aw geez, not again! These laptops aren't smart at all! You'd think a declaration of our super-awesome rivalry'd be easy or something, but nooooooo. Every time I even try to post one of these challenges to him, the computer thing keeps yellin' at me with stuff like "warning: database heaving due to excessive HTML abuse" and "gratuitous use of animated .gifs; sad dial-up in snow," and even "cut if you care." Pshh, what kind of guy do you take me for?! Sasaki Koutarou cuts for no man!!
Man, forget this computer stuff! Is this really all you guys do all day? Sit and mess around on these things, I mean? That's gotta be pretty boring, 'specially when you've got all this neat stuff you could be doin' outside. And you'll get Tarpel Cunnel or whatever it's called from using 'em, which isn't smart at all! Why not try goin' outside for once instead? I know you guys've got some decent sports fields around here -- heck, you've even got a bunch of people to play with you. They don't even need jerseys since they're already different colors! Like my new buddy "Brawns" here. Pretty sure that's what he said his name was . . . Just gotta ignore the stench and the falling apart thing -- that's what athletic tape's for!
See, I hear you have a bunch of American football teams or whatever, but I bet you're missin' something! Know what that is? Kicking. Sure, sure, they always tell you it's all about your offense or your defense and you guys talk a lot about puttin' it in or whatever, but back where I'm from? We kick it in! I've been teachin' these guys a few tricks of the super smart kick team trade so they can demonstrate to all of you how smart a kicking style can be and how my team, the Gangrene Gouts, are totally going to whup Musashi's team. Right! You ready there, pal? Go for the goal, Brawns! Go for the goal!!
. . . Well, buddy. I guess your foot'll count for something. WE'RE GONNA NEED MORE TAPE!
Poll Vote!