(no subject)
HAY GUYZ NEXT BATCH. KEEP IT UP. 8D
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. Closed lol.
Character: Helios
Series: Sailor Moon
Character Age: unknown; appears to be between 12-14
Canon: Also known as Elios, he is the guardian of a realm called Elysion. His destined duty is to protect the dreams of people on Earth, so in a way, this makes Elysion an alternate realm for Earth; the realm in which dreams reside. This Helios is based off the end of the anime, and the name taken from the dub because the apper has an affinity for his dub VA and barely remembers the manga. In this version, Helios is a quiet, cautious young man--actually a boy, but his mannerisms make him seem older than he is.
He's hesitant to reveal anything about Elysion or the dreams he can see or sense. He spent most of the series hiding, so he's very distrusting of people; the few he does trust had to earn it (like Chibi-Usa, who he refers to as his "maiden"), or he knew and respected from their past lives (like Mamoru). Despite that, he's still polite to those he doesn't hate, and is very, very protective of those he cares for. Helios usually takes on the appearance of a Pegasus, but once he gets his body back, he seems to have the ability to change between that and his human form. At least for the beginning, he will be in his Pegasus form in public, human in privacy.
Pardon me, residents of this realm. I was searching for a particular light, and I seem to have taken a bit of a wrong turn. I do not suppose there should be someone who could point me toward a person, perhaps a place... perhaps an entire world wherein the tension is less... how can I put this delicately?
...
Well. In either case, I admit I was hesitant to ask for assistance--I was not entirely sure how you would take to this form. But after my encounter with the animals, I did not believe you would find my appearance too terribly startling in this magical land. I am not, however, terribly pleased to find such ferocious pink bunnies attempting to dress as and mock my maiden. Your middlemen (ah... middlebunnies?) are in bad taste.
Even so, I recognize the skepticism upon many of your expressions. If it shall please you, you may think of me as an illusion and nothing more. Or perhaps a pleasant dream. Which you all are experiencing simultaniously. And please do not give me such looks. The concept is not impossible, merely unlikely.
But considering we have that possibility, I must say it is not becoming to pull on a dream's tail. Even if I am merely a false construction, you do not know whether or not it harm me. I humbly request that you control yourselves at once.
... no, you may not ride the pony.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zexion
Series: Kingdom Hearts, specifically Chain of Memories.
Character Age: Never stated in canon. Looks about 20, though.
Canon: Zexion, number 6 in Organization XIII and the youngest of Ansem's assistants, is a mysterious and skilled manipulator who is smug, snarky, and just loves hearing himself talk (and talk and talk and talk...). He guides those around him like chess-pieces and generally plays them as best he can, never getting his own hands dirty in the process. He tried to manipulate Riku to safeguard against the traitor Marluxia's plans with Sora, but was defeated in the end by the very puppet he'd tried to play. His specific fate is unknown, but after being attacked by the Riku Replica, he "fell into ruin".
In his spare time, he likes eating pickeled vegetables and doing various puzzles. Also, he can smell things really well, especially darkness. Hello Camp, and hello sensory overload =D.
Sample Post:
Alright, just arrived at this miserable little pit of despair due to some mishap with my travels in the realm of darkness, and already I have one clear opinion in mind: This place smells absolutely terrible. Not only does it reek of darkness, but honestly, has anyone in this camp taken a bath in the past five years? And do I detect the oh-so delectable stench that is rotting flesh? Why, by Xemnas' all-powerful zebra coat, I do believe I -
...Zombies. There are zombies walking about. Zombies are definitely something new. They explain the smell, but still. Zombies. What? I'll have to ask Vexen or Xemnas about this. I thought dead people stayed, well, dead. Quite perturbing. I suppose I should be used to all kinds of oddities. Still, this is quite out of the norm for me, and it's also...
...Right. That's it. I really can't take much more of this smell. It's completely ruining my thought process. I shall have to talk to whomever is in charge of this detestable purgatory about some manner of nose plugs. No, scratch that, better idea: coax some poor sap out of them. Though, used nose plugs; bad idea. I'll just have to have Lexaeus send me some. If he can even operate a computer properly, that is. Wait, what am I thinking? I'll just open a door to darkness and -
...
Hell. It's not working. This is clearly some kind of internment camp, I fear. Ansem's work? No, doubtful, he's not the type for this kind of torture; dry speaches and sea-salt ice cream are more his style. Blech. Or perhaps it's Marluxia, finally too ambitious for his own good? He had me fooled with all the flowers and cooing, I'm shamed to admit. No, no, that doesn't seem right. I have no idea how he'd get an entire camp, at any rate.
...Alright, I think I smell Larxene. I'll have to have a chat with her about what the deal is. If she's in here, it's probably not Marluxia's doing. But, perhaps she's an officer. Maybe Head of Torture and Interrogation. It would suit her well enough, I suppose, although the thought of her commanding authority makes me laugh. Then again, the thought of Marluxia orchestrating this whole mess is equally laughable, if not more so. Regardless, I'll need to aquire some protection from zombies and the ilk. Shotguns are so messy.
Even though the bastard still doesn't give me a hello, having Lexaeus around would certainly speed things along. I fear I'd miss him, if I had a heart.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bartholomew Fatima
Series: Xenogears ( Wiki link)
Character age: 18
Canon: Bart is the exiled crown prince of Aveh and the captain of a ship of sand pirates. A wanted outlaw, Bart's entire family (save for his cousin Margie) was killed when the evil Shakhan took over the kingdom. Now Bart and his merry crew of pirates work to overthrow Shakhan by stealing gears (giant robots that all the cool kids get to pilot) from the bad guys and just generally making themselves a pain in the ass.
Bart, much to the chagrin of his guardians, isn't really the epitome of royal behavior. He's impulsive, hot headed, a bit of a smart aleck, and is a more than a little egotistical. Bart also has, on several occasions, blown up his allies' ship (purely accidental, rly) and resorted to frantic button mashing in the midst of a crisis. Never the less, he's a natural leader and is really a very nice guy. He's just not so hot at showing it.
Sample Post:
Hey everybody. My name is Bart, and I've got a small problem.
Funnily enough, my computer's obsession with whips isn't what's bothering me, though it's certainly annoying in its own special way. They're my weapons, you perverted machine, and if I wasn't positive this whole porny vendetta is revenge for my winning at solitaire six times in a row, I'd throw you to the monkeys. Honestly, though, I think I can take some minor abuse from this computer as long as it isn't, ya know, trying to destroy the planet. Hopefully I'll stop playing before it gets pissed enough to attempt world destruction, but this is a damn addictive game. Solitaire, I wish I knew how to quit you.
. . . No, really. My computer locked itself up and I can't exit out of anything. I've tried smashing it, but that isn't working so well geez what's this thing made of, titanium? and Sig says that my habit of hitting random buttons until something good happens isn't really the best strategy for delicate situations like this.
Anyway, my real issue is that the director impounded my gear while I was distracted by that survey the zombies gave me. The first couple of questions seemed pretty normal for a place like this (Are you allergic to having your limbs ripped off? Do you require daily medication to control your inner demons/were-creature problem/irrational fear of papayas?) But I should have known something was up when I got to these two questions:
22. Do you associate with giant robots on a regular basis Y/N?
Y
23. If your answer was "Y" then please rate your total average emo on a scale of 1 to 10
. . .
(If your answer to the above question was ". . ." then please skip ahead to question 63: Repressing your inner ninja)
Obviously, lady, you know a bit about gears, but stealing mine? Not so smart. You've got ten seconds to tell me where it is before I--
--why're those goats looking at me like that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyon (actual name unknown)
Series: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Character Age: 15-16 (First year High School Student)
Canon: Kyon is, despite having no special powers whatsoever, the 'chosen one' of his reality. When he was younger, he would always fantasize about going on spectacular adventures and all sorts of supernatural and fantastical things happening to him. Of course, as time went on, he eventually gave up on such things, resigning himself to the conclusion that the laws of physics are all there are at about the time he wound up entering high school. About a month after the school year started, Kyon wound up befriending Suzumiya Haruhi - an act which more or less spelled his doom.
In no time at all, Kyon wound up being the target of alien assassination attempts and time traveling conspiracies, been forced to solve murder mysteries, and has prevented Haruhi from destroying all life as we know it at least once.
In terms of personality, Kyon's primarily sarcastic, which could just as much be attributed to finding himself being "the voice of reason" to Haruhi as it could to his actual life. His real name has never been stated anywhere in canon, and his nickname of "Kyon" is a source of endless bitterness to him. He can also adjust quickly to situations, as shown by the fact that he hasn't died yet, despite having to deal with things that even the people around him have trouble dealing with. He also has a tendency for lengthy tangents and run-on sentences.
Sample Post:
I should have guessed it would come down to this - it's almost as though it could be described as an epilogue to a low-budget science fiction movie: "With the disappearance of the evil tyrant Suzumiya Haruhi, peace had been restored to the galaxy." I really should have taken Haruhi disappearing off the face of the planet as a sign of something, but the effects were too good to be true: Haruhi no longer existed, no longer were there aliens, time travelers, and espers surrounding me, but ordinary human beings, no longer was virtually every day some form of apocalypse that no one even realized was happening. To summarize, those few days were paradise.
That lasted for a total of three days. Now, I should probably have trouble adjusting to the fact that I just walked into the classroom to find myself in the middle of nowhere surrounded by zombies, but this sort of thing has happened so often that I'm almost getting used to it. An army of corpses trying to eat my brain has a higher likelihood than blue giants made of energy destroying a random city because some high-school girl's pissed off, so I'd have to say that this is relatively normal, including the running for my life. By the way things are going, I'll probably be more skilled at dodging assassination attempts than most secret agents before this school year's even over. This "camp" isn't making things any easier, seeing as how the largest source of water is radioactive and there are purple freight trains posing as gorillas waiting to smash some poor pedestrian over.
And let's not forget that somehow, everyone in this warped alternate reality calls me "Kyon". How did that nickname even get here in the first place? How is it that that nickname manages to follow me even through some place where no one even knows my name? The only positive thing about this mess is the fact that I'm not dead yet. Then again, considering that Haruhi would love this place, this place could be Heaven, in which case the course of action is obvious. Do you hear me, Haruhi? I am officially declaring myself as Lucifer and making this place as annoyingly normal as possible until you're eventually forced to throw me out to keep this place vaguely interesting!
Yeah, and when that happens, a floating, grinning cat head will lead me to the way out of heaven all while giving me incomprehensible yet meaningless riddles. It's not like I'm getting out of here any time soon without some sort of help, so I suppose I should start getting used to this place.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jeff Andonuts
Series: EarthBound
Character Age: Not stated in canon, but apparently in his early teens
Canon: When a meteor crashed to earth in the sleepy town of Onett, it heralded the beginning of a bizarre alien invasion, lead by the creepy and mysterious overlord Giygas. Giygas's army is more than just aliens and robots, though; he's got everything from skate punks to possessed dogs to the undead on his side, and the only thing standing between him and total world domination is the determination of Ness, a plucky kid armed only with a baseball bat and uncanny psychic powers. EarthBound is the story of the adventures of Ness and his friends: harnessing the power of the earth to fight against the alien menace, testing their own spiritual strength, and firing off a whole lot of bottle rockets without adult supervision.
Jeff Andonuts is one of Ness's compatriots, a sheltered boarding-school student turned unlikely gunslinging gadgeteer-hero. A technological genius, Jeff is almost unmatched in the art of building weird devices from junk. While shy and something of a nerd, he's a steadfast and dependable friend.
Sample Post:
-- There, that should hold those zombies for a while! Thank you, Slime Generator! Not that this place needs any help generating slime... where am I, anyway? And where are the others? Man, I get to daydreaming for one minute about that new Sky Runner prototype and they're gone! Probably captured again, too. Oh, well.
Hey, what's this? A computer? Excellent! Maybe I can use this to set up a Psi-Comm Capacitator and figure out where they are! All I need is an antenna, but I've had terrible luck finding broken antennas lately... c'mon, antenna... and my soldering iron wouldn't be bad, either. Where did it get to?
Oh, there it is! Thanks, uh... Mr. Zombie? Er... Oh, great, and you're blue, too, which means you're probably more powerful. Why do things change color when they get stronger, anyway? When I get back to school, I should do some experiments. Really, that's nice of you. Have you seen any other kids come through here lately? There's a dark-haired boy in a striped shirt and baseball cap, about my height and a blonde girl... Is "graaaah" yes or no?
Hey, no need to get angry! You really don't need to gesture like that, and be careful where you brandish that thing! ... What is that, anyway? An iron? It looks busted pretty badly, but I think I could fix it, if you needed to iron something...
Oh, hey, are those all your friends? And... oh, you've got to be kidding me. They all have irons? I didn't even know zombies could break irons that many ways. -- No, no, don't get agitated, I can do it. Just clear me some space and let me get my toolbox out.
It's going to be a long night.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tezuka Kunimitsu
Series: Prince of Tennis
Character Age: 14 (see above link)
Canon: Prince of Tennis: cracked up shounen anime/manga series about one Echizen Ryoma, twelve-year-old brat extraordinaire, and his journey to bring the Seigaku Tennis Club to national fame. And with the help of his, ah, bright, sparkling, unique but largely unsnowflakey teammates, NOTHING can stand in his way. Cue cheesy battle music!
... and enter Tezuka Kunimitsu: ace tennis player, killer of dinosaurs, owner and sole proprietor of the hottest ass in Tenipuri (everyone wants to get into Tezuka's pants), and resident socially retarded tennis captain. Known for his "godly" Tezuka Zone (in which all [tennis] balls gravitate straight to his), Tezuka is stoic, introverted, curt in speech (very shounen retard and slightly dorky in thought), polite to his elders, and the catch, or at least what separates him from other would-be blocks of wood: he is passionately driven in all matters concerning tennis, his tennis club, and achieving victory at the Nationals. Stubborn, but with the power and charisma to back it up, Tezuka will sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of victory - including his left arm, an injury that sent him packing off across Japan for rehab (and left one Oishi Syuichirou in charge of the club). Back now and minted shiny, Tezuka can take on the world --
-- or maybe just the unfortunate goober across the net.
Sample Post:
I have a shotgun, and I am standing to the immediate left of a large, drooling species of plant. There are also some ... unidentifiable freshmen frothing at the mouth by the water fountain. Freshmen should not be frothing at the mouth -- I must speak to someone about this immediately.
... Suffice it to say that this was not the welcoming committee that I had expected. There are too many ... leaves and too little artificial green. I never knew that Oishi was an environmentalist. Strange.
Oishi never mentioned this new training regime. I hear inhuman mating rituals instead of tennis balls. I can barely see the courts for the foliage. This is clearly in violation of Article XI, Section 11, Item 15 of the Seigaku Athletics Department Handbook, and I intend to report it immediately, once I have adequately assessed the situa --
-- that was not a tennis ball. This is becoming increasingly worrisome.
... However, it is still too early to rule out the possibility of this being an elaborate practical joke, nor will I be fooled by that ignominious "CAMP FUCK U DIE" sign. Petty obscenities cannot faze me. I have a task to accomplish, and no amount of poorly-costumed fools will stand in my way.
The most important matter at hand is that I locate my teammates immediately, as they do not seem to be practicing. I will have to assign extra laps to the third-years, especially, when I find them -- my return is no excuse for such blatant disregard for regular practice protocol. We have very little time to dawdle before the National Tournament, and when I locate the depraved individual who would desecrate Seigaku's tennis courts in cold blood, he will be running laps. Around Tokyo Prefecture. With 20-kilo weights strapped to his ankles.
I am Tezuka Kunimitsu, fourteen years old, captain of the Seigaku Tennis Club. I am unamused and armed. If you are guilty of this sacrilege to the school athletic department and you are not rectifying this mess within the next twenty-three seconds, I will be forced to take desperate measures.
Consider this your final warning.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vyvyan Basterd
Series: The Young Ones (wiki)
Character Age: 19 (not given in canon)
Canon: Simply put the Young Ones is a British comedy from the 80's where four university students generally annoy each other. One could also call it a helter-skelter, awesomely violent, rude, unpredictable, joyously infantile, exhilarating steamroller of a sitcom.
Vyvyan is a mad, fearless, self-abusing, heavy-metal-loving lunatic punk, who chopped off his own finger to relieve boredom, and set fire to Rick's bed on a whim. He knows about manners, but rarely see why he should use them. Vyv has a childlike enthusiasm for the havoc he creates, and yet there never seems to be any real malice behind the gratuitous violence.
And for some reason, he was admitted to med-school.
Sample Post:
This, without a doubt, is the best anatomy course I've ever been to.
I don't even have to go down to the morgue to get my bits and pieces, they come walking right up to me. Brilliant!
Gotta admit, when I got that letter from the council I was pretty pissed. Apparently, I'm not allowed to start my second year unless at least one teacher remains alive and outside a mental hospital long enough to give me a grade. Whiny sissies.
But, when I went over to the council to tell them where to shove it (look here, I even brought an informative poster with actual writing on it and everything) they said I could take some kind of extra lessons here instead. At least I think that's what she said, as some bloody bastard hit me over the head before she had finished.
Next thing I knew I was here. Lucky I woke up before that bus ran me over!
...
Funny. Don't remember having track-patterned trousers.
By the way, I've got a nice fire going if anyone else wants some hot-dogs. I even pulled one of the bunks out of that cabin before I got started, so it'll be nice and cosy and all that.
Oh, and the hot-dogs have nothing to do with that half dissected zombie over there. A-ha ha. Haha. Eh.
God I'm bored.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. Closed lol.
Character: Helios
Series: Sailor Moon
Character Age: unknown; appears to be between 12-14
Canon: Also known as Elios, he is the guardian of a realm called Elysion. His destined duty is to protect the dreams of people on Earth, so in a way, this makes Elysion an alternate realm for Earth; the realm in which dreams reside. This Helios is based off the end of the anime, and the name taken from the dub because the apper has an affinity for his dub VA and barely remembers the manga. In this version, Helios is a quiet, cautious young man--actually a boy, but his mannerisms make him seem older than he is.
He's hesitant to reveal anything about Elysion or the dreams he can see or sense. He spent most of the series hiding, so he's very distrusting of people; the few he does trust had to earn it (like Chibi-Usa, who he refers to as his "maiden"), or he knew and respected from their past lives (like Mamoru). Despite that, he's still polite to those he doesn't hate, and is very, very protective of those he cares for. Helios usually takes on the appearance of a Pegasus, but once he gets his body back, he seems to have the ability to change between that and his human form. At least for the beginning, he will be in his Pegasus form in public, human in privacy.
Pardon me, residents of this realm. I was searching for a particular light, and I seem to have taken a bit of a wrong turn. I do not suppose there should be someone who could point me toward a person, perhaps a place... perhaps an entire world wherein the tension is less... how can I put this delicately?
...
Well. In either case, I admit I was hesitant to ask for assistance--I was not entirely sure how you would take to this form. But after my encounter with the animals, I did not believe you would find my appearance too terribly startling in this magical land. I am not, however, terribly pleased to find such ferocious pink bunnies attempting to dress as and mock my maiden. Your middlemen (ah... middlebunnies?) are in bad taste.
Even so, I recognize the skepticism upon many of your expressions. If it shall please you, you may think of me as an illusion and nothing more. Or perhaps a pleasant dream. Which you all are experiencing simultaniously. And please do not give me such looks. The concept is not impossible, merely unlikely.
But considering we have that possibility, I must say it is not becoming to pull on a dream's tail. Even if I am merely a false construction, you do not know whether or not it harm me. I humbly request that you control yourselves at once.
... no, you may not ride the pony.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zexion
Series: Kingdom Hearts, specifically Chain of Memories.
Character Age: Never stated in canon. Looks about 20, though.
Canon: Zexion, number 6 in Organization XIII and the youngest of Ansem's assistants, is a mysterious and skilled manipulator who is smug, snarky, and just loves hearing himself talk (and talk and talk and talk...). He guides those around him like chess-pieces and generally plays them as best he can, never getting his own hands dirty in the process. He tried to manipulate Riku to safeguard against the traitor Marluxia's plans with Sora, but was defeated in the end by the very puppet he'd tried to play. His specific fate is unknown, but after being attacked by the Riku Replica, he "fell into ruin".
In his spare time, he likes eating pickeled vegetables and doing various puzzles. Also, he can smell things really well, especially darkness. Hello Camp, and hello sensory overload =D.
Sample Post:
Alright, just arrived at this miserable little pit of despair due to some mishap with my travels in the realm of darkness, and already I have one clear opinion in mind: This place smells absolutely terrible. Not only does it reek of darkness, but honestly, has anyone in this camp taken a bath in the past five years? And do I detect the oh-so delectable stench that is rotting flesh? Why, by Xemnas' all-powerful zebra coat, I do believe I -
...Zombies. There are zombies walking about. Zombies are definitely something new. They explain the smell, but still. Zombies. What? I'll have to ask Vexen or Xemnas about this. I thought dead people stayed, well, dead. Quite perturbing. I suppose I should be used to all kinds of oddities. Still, this is quite out of the norm for me, and it's also...
...Right. That's it. I really can't take much more of this smell. It's completely ruining my thought process. I shall have to talk to whomever is in charge of this detestable purgatory about some manner of nose plugs. No, scratch that, better idea: coax some poor sap out of them. Though, used nose plugs; bad idea. I'll just have to have Lexaeus send me some. If he can even operate a computer properly, that is. Wait, what am I thinking? I'll just open a door to darkness and -
...
Hell. It's not working. This is clearly some kind of internment camp, I fear. Ansem's work? No, doubtful, he's not the type for this kind of torture; dry speaches and sea-salt ice cream are more his style. Blech. Or perhaps it's Marluxia, finally too ambitious for his own good? He had me fooled with all the flowers and cooing, I'm shamed to admit. No, no, that doesn't seem right. I have no idea how he'd get an entire camp, at any rate.
...Alright, I think I smell Larxene. I'll have to have a chat with her about what the deal is. If she's in here, it's probably not Marluxia's doing. But, perhaps she's an officer. Maybe Head of Torture and Interrogation. It would suit her well enough, I suppose, although the thought of her commanding authority makes me laugh. Then again, the thought of Marluxia orchestrating this whole mess is equally laughable, if not more so. Regardless, I'll need to aquire some protection from zombies and the ilk. Shotguns are so messy.
Even though the bastard still doesn't give me a hello, having Lexaeus around would certainly speed things along. I fear I'd miss him, if I had a heart.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bartholomew Fatima
Series: Xenogears ( Wiki link)
Character age: 18
Canon: Bart is the exiled crown prince of Aveh and the captain of a ship of sand pirates. A wanted outlaw, Bart's entire family (save for his cousin Margie) was killed when the evil Shakhan took over the kingdom. Now Bart and his merry crew of pirates work to overthrow Shakhan by stealing gears (giant robots that all the cool kids get to pilot) from the bad guys and just generally making themselves a pain in the ass.
Bart, much to the chagrin of his guardians, isn't really the epitome of royal behavior. He's impulsive, hot headed, a bit of a smart aleck, and is a more than a little egotistical. Bart also has, on several occasions, blown up his allies' ship (purely accidental, rly) and resorted to frantic button mashing in the midst of a crisis. Never the less, he's a natural leader and is really a very nice guy. He's just not so hot at showing it.
Sample Post:
Hey everybody. My name is Bart, and I've got a small problem.
Funnily enough, my computer's obsession with whips isn't what's bothering me, though it's certainly annoying in its own special way. They're my weapons, you perverted machine, and if I wasn't positive this whole porny vendetta is revenge for my winning at solitaire six times in a row, I'd throw you to the monkeys. Honestly, though, I think I can take some minor abuse from this computer as long as it isn't, ya know, trying to destroy the planet. Hopefully I'll stop playing before it gets pissed enough to attempt world destruction, but this is a damn addictive game. Solitaire, I wish I knew how to quit you.
. . . No, really. My computer locked itself up and I can't exit out of anything. I've tried smashing it, but that isn't working so well geez what's this thing made of, titanium? and Sig says that my habit of hitting random buttons until something good happens isn't really the best strategy for delicate situations like this.
Anyway, my real issue is that the director impounded my gear while I was distracted by that survey the zombies gave me. The first couple of questions seemed pretty normal for a place like this (Are you allergic to having your limbs ripped off? Do you require daily medication to control your inner demons/were-creature problem/irrational fear of papayas?) But I should have known something was up when I got to these two questions:
22. Do you associate with giant robots on a regular basis Y/N?
Y
23. If your answer was "Y" then please rate your total average emo on a scale of 1 to 10
. . .
(If your answer to the above question was ". . ." then please skip ahead to question 63: Repressing your inner ninja)
Obviously, lady, you know a bit about gears, but stealing mine? Not so smart. You've got ten seconds to tell me where it is before I--
--why're those goats looking at me like that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kyon (actual name unknown)
Series: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi
Character Age: 15-16 (First year High School Student)
Canon: Kyon is, despite having no special powers whatsoever, the 'chosen one' of his reality. When he was younger, he would always fantasize about going on spectacular adventures and all sorts of supernatural and fantastical things happening to him. Of course, as time went on, he eventually gave up on such things, resigning himself to the conclusion that the laws of physics are all there are at about the time he wound up entering high school. About a month after the school year started, Kyon wound up befriending Suzumiya Haruhi - an act which more or less spelled his doom.
In no time at all, Kyon wound up being the target of alien assassination attempts and time traveling conspiracies, been forced to solve murder mysteries, and has prevented Haruhi from destroying all life as we know it at least once.
In terms of personality, Kyon's primarily sarcastic, which could just as much be attributed to finding himself being "the voice of reason" to Haruhi as it could to his actual life. His real name has never been stated anywhere in canon, and his nickname of "Kyon" is a source of endless bitterness to him. He can also adjust quickly to situations, as shown by the fact that he hasn't died yet, despite having to deal with things that even the people around him have trouble dealing with. He also has a tendency for lengthy tangents and run-on sentences.
Sample Post:
I should have guessed it would come down to this - it's almost as though it could be described as an epilogue to a low-budget science fiction movie: "With the disappearance of the evil tyrant Suzumiya Haruhi, peace had been restored to the galaxy." I really should have taken Haruhi disappearing off the face of the planet as a sign of something, but the effects were too good to be true: Haruhi no longer existed, no longer were there aliens, time travelers, and espers surrounding me, but ordinary human beings, no longer was virtually every day some form of apocalypse that no one even realized was happening. To summarize, those few days were paradise.
That lasted for a total of three days. Now, I should probably have trouble adjusting to the fact that I just walked into the classroom to find myself in the middle of nowhere surrounded by zombies, but this sort of thing has happened so often that I'm almost getting used to it. An army of corpses trying to eat my brain has a higher likelihood than blue giants made of energy destroying a random city because some high-school girl's pissed off, so I'd have to say that this is relatively normal, including the running for my life. By the way things are going, I'll probably be more skilled at dodging assassination attempts than most secret agents before this school year's even over. This "camp" isn't making things any easier, seeing as how the largest source of water is radioactive and there are purple freight trains posing as gorillas waiting to smash some poor pedestrian over.
And let's not forget that somehow, everyone in this warped alternate reality calls me "Kyon". How did that nickname even get here in the first place? How is it that that nickname manages to follow me even through some place where no one even knows my name? The only positive thing about this mess is the fact that I'm not dead yet. Then again, considering that Haruhi would love this place, this place could be Heaven, in which case the course of action is obvious. Do you hear me, Haruhi? I am officially declaring myself as Lucifer and making this place as annoyingly normal as possible until you're eventually forced to throw me out to keep this place vaguely interesting!
Yeah, and when that happens, a floating, grinning cat head will lead me to the way out of heaven all while giving me incomprehensible yet meaningless riddles. It's not like I'm getting out of here any time soon without some sort of help, so I suppose I should start getting used to this place.
Poll Vote!
Character: Jeff Andonuts
Series: EarthBound
Character Age: Not stated in canon, but apparently in his early teens
Canon: When a meteor crashed to earth in the sleepy town of Onett, it heralded the beginning of a bizarre alien invasion, lead by the creepy and mysterious overlord Giygas. Giygas's army is more than just aliens and robots, though; he's got everything from skate punks to possessed dogs to the undead on his side, and the only thing standing between him and total world domination is the determination of Ness, a plucky kid armed only with a baseball bat and uncanny psychic powers. EarthBound is the story of the adventures of Ness and his friends: harnessing the power of the earth to fight against the alien menace, testing their own spiritual strength, and firing off a whole lot of bottle rockets without adult supervision.
Jeff Andonuts is one of Ness's compatriots, a sheltered boarding-school student turned unlikely gunslinging gadgeteer-hero. A technological genius, Jeff is almost unmatched in the art of building weird devices from junk. While shy and something of a nerd, he's a steadfast and dependable friend.
Sample Post:
-- There, that should hold those zombies for a while! Thank you, Slime Generator! Not that this place needs any help generating slime... where am I, anyway? And where are the others? Man, I get to daydreaming for one minute about that new Sky Runner prototype and they're gone! Probably captured again, too. Oh, well.
Hey, what's this? A computer? Excellent! Maybe I can use this to set up a Psi-Comm Capacitator and figure out where they are! All I need is an antenna, but I've had terrible luck finding broken antennas lately... c'mon, antenna... and my soldering iron wouldn't be bad, either. Where did it get to?
Oh, there it is! Thanks, uh... Mr. Zombie? Er... Oh, great, and you're blue, too, which means you're probably more powerful. Why do things change color when they get stronger, anyway? When I get back to school, I should do some experiments. Really, that's nice of you. Have you seen any other kids come through here lately? There's a dark-haired boy in a striped shirt and baseball cap, about my height and a blonde girl... Is "graaaah" yes or no?
Hey, no need to get angry! You really don't need to gesture like that, and be careful where you brandish that thing! ... What is that, anyway? An iron? It looks busted pretty badly, but I think I could fix it, if you needed to iron something...
Oh, hey, are those all your friends? And... oh, you've got to be kidding me. They all have irons? I didn't even know zombies could break irons that many ways. -- No, no, don't get agitated, I can do it. Just clear me some space and let me get my toolbox out.
It's going to be a long night.
Poll Vote!
Character: Tezuka Kunimitsu
Series: Prince of Tennis
Character Age: 14 (see above link)
Canon: Prince of Tennis: cracked up shounen anime/manga series about one Echizen Ryoma, twelve-year-old brat extraordinaire, and his journey to bring the Seigaku Tennis Club to national fame. And with the help of his, ah, bright, sparkling, unique but largely unsnowflakey teammates, NOTHING can stand in his way. Cue cheesy battle music!
... and enter Tezuka Kunimitsu: ace tennis player, killer of dinosaurs, owner and sole proprietor of the hottest ass in Tenipuri (everyone wants to get into Tezuka's pants), and resident socially retarded tennis captain. Known for his "godly" Tezuka Zone (in which all [tennis] balls gravitate straight to his), Tezuka is stoic, introverted, curt in speech (very shounen retard and slightly dorky in thought), polite to his elders, and the catch, or at least what separates him from other would-be blocks of wood: he is passionately driven in all matters concerning tennis, his tennis club, and achieving victory at the Nationals. Stubborn, but with the power and charisma to back it up, Tezuka will sacrifice anything and everything for the sake of victory - including his left arm, an injury that sent him packing off across Japan for rehab (and left one Oishi Syuichirou in charge of the club). Back now and minted shiny, Tezuka can take on the world --
-- or maybe just the unfortunate goober across the net.
Sample Post:
I have a shotgun, and I am standing to the immediate left of a large, drooling species of plant. There are also some ... unidentifiable freshmen frothing at the mouth by the water fountain. Freshmen should not be frothing at the mouth -- I must speak to someone about this immediately.
... Suffice it to say that this was not the welcoming committee that I had expected. There are too many ... leaves and too little artificial green. I never knew that Oishi was an environmentalist. Strange.
Oishi never mentioned this new training regime. I hear inhuman mating rituals instead of tennis balls. I can barely see the courts for the foliage. This is clearly in violation of Article XI, Section 11, Item 15 of the Seigaku Athletics Department Handbook, and I intend to report it immediately, once I have adequately assessed the situa --
-- that was not a tennis ball. This is becoming increasingly worrisome.
... However, it is still too early to rule out the possibility of this being an elaborate practical joke, nor will I be fooled by that ignominious "CAMP FUCK U DIE" sign. Petty obscenities cannot faze me. I have a task to accomplish, and no amount of poorly-costumed fools will stand in my way.
The most important matter at hand is that I locate my teammates immediately, as they do not seem to be practicing. I will have to assign extra laps to the third-years, especially, when I find them -- my return is no excuse for such blatant disregard for regular practice protocol. We have very little time to dawdle before the National Tournament, and when I locate the depraved individual who would desecrate Seigaku's tennis courts in cold blood, he will be running laps. Around Tokyo Prefecture. With 20-kilo weights strapped to his ankles.
I am Tezuka Kunimitsu, fourteen years old, captain of the Seigaku Tennis Club. I am unamused and armed. If you are guilty of this sacrilege to the school athletic department and you are not rectifying this mess within the next twenty-three seconds, I will be forced to take desperate measures.
Consider this your final warning.
Poll Vote!
Character: Vyvyan Basterd
Series: The Young Ones (wiki)
Character Age: 19 (not given in canon)
Canon: Simply put the Young Ones is a British comedy from the 80's where four university students generally annoy each other. One could also call it a helter-skelter, awesomely violent, rude, unpredictable, joyously infantile, exhilarating steamroller of a sitcom.
Vyvyan is a mad, fearless, self-abusing, heavy-metal-loving lunatic punk, who chopped off his own finger to relieve boredom, and set fire to Rick's bed on a whim. He knows about manners, but rarely see why he should use them. Vyv has a childlike enthusiasm for the havoc he creates, and yet there never seems to be any real malice behind the gratuitous violence.
And for some reason, he was admitted to med-school.
Sample Post:
This, without a doubt, is the best anatomy course I've ever been to.
I don't even have to go down to the morgue to get my bits and pieces, they come walking right up to me. Brilliant!
Gotta admit, when I got that letter from the council I was pretty pissed. Apparently, I'm not allowed to start my second year unless at least one teacher remains alive and outside a mental hospital long enough to give me a grade. Whiny sissies.
But, when I went over to the council to tell them where to shove it (look here, I even brought an informative poster with actual writing on it and everything) they said I could take some kind of extra lessons here instead. At least I think that's what she said, as some bloody bastard hit me over the head before she had finished.
Next thing I knew I was here. Lucky I woke up before that bus ran me over!
...
Funny. Don't remember having track-patterned trousers.
By the way, I've got a nice fire going if anyone else wants some hot-dogs. I even pulled one of the bunks out of that cabin before I got started, so it'll be nice and cosy and all that.
Oh, and the hot-dogs have nothing to do with that half dissected zombie over there. A-ha ha. Haha. Eh.
God I'm bored.
Poll Vote!