(no subject)
dfsjsd. Sorry, guys, we got slammed by work and school and-- well, just about everything. Weeding was finished the other day, and we should only have one more batch after this.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. ... Closed.
Character: Reginald Shoe
Series: Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, specifically Night Watch (spoilers, beware)
Age: Not specified, but about 18.
Canon: He's a patriot. He's a firm believer in the ideals of Truth, Justice, Freedom, and Reasonably-Priced Love (and, at the insistence of Sergeant-at-Arms Keel of the Night Watch, a Hard-Boiled Egg). He's a revolutionary, although he might just be the most useless revolutionary ever. His slogans include such memorable cries as 'Death to the fascist oppressors, present company excepted!' He can be moved to tears at the thought of injustice. Most of all, he's passionate about dead rights, and champions - albeit ineffectively - the dead and undead of Ankh-Morpork.
Oh, and he's a zombie.
Brethren and sistren! For too long you have struggled under the yoke of the oppressors! They have taken your homes, your lives, and your campground, but they can never take your freedom! Rise up with me, and together we shall be triumphant!
They have scoffed at your need for braaaains, denied you basic rights on the basis that you are differently alive. This shall not, nay, CANNOT continue! Undead yes, unperson no! I have taken the liberty of drawing up a letter of demands for the fascist dictator they call the Director. Allow me to present this letter to you, brethren and sistren, so that we may better combine our resistance and fight against this bullying tyrant!
Dear Fascist Oppressor:
We, the undead and differently-alive residents of Camp Fuck You Die, angered by the inequality of our treatment, hereby present our list of demands:
i. That we no longer be deprived of the essential communication devices known as 'laptops', in what is clearly a calculated attempt to restrict our conversation with other differently-alive campers;
ii. Equal opportunities to interact with the gorillas and other camp creatures;
iii. A lack of restrictions on sparkling at any place or time that we choose;
iv. Unrestricted access to the tickyboxes.
If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur we will continue petitioning until they are! WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!
Brethren and sistren, now is the time to rise up against the oppressive dictatorship, to break free of the chains in which we have been enslaved! We may be differently alive, but we know our rights and we will have them! Now is the time to shuffle proudly forth into the new day!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ryuugasaki Momoko
Series: Shimotsuma Monogatari/Kamikaze Girls (novel)
Age: 16
Canon: Momoko is a modern Japanese teenager who wishes she'd been born 18th-century European nobility. As it is, she's a Gothic Lolita who's devoted her life to the ideals of Rococo- basically meaning that she values form over function. To this end, she refuses to work or develop any useful skills, instead spending most of her time doing embroidery and shopping for clothes, which are very important to her. Despite her strong independent streak, she thinks women should be ladylike and fragile. Her speech patterns are a rather strange mix of formal, old-fashioned language and normal teenage slang (though she tries to avoid "vulgar" language, if possible).
And to think I was actually looking forward to this trip to America.
Well, it's not Europe, but it might still be interesting. At any rate, it has to be better than Shimotsuma, home of thousands of rice paddies and about as many idiots... is what I thought. However, unfortunately, it seems I was wrong. Shimotsuma, for all its faults, at least had roads, which is more than I can say for this place. And as hard as it is to get into the Rococo spirit while strolling past the endless rice paddies of home, it's harder still when strolling through a swamp. I really don't think that this was a common pastime for French noblewomen ("What shall we do after luncheon, Marie?" "Why don't we go slog through ankle-deep mud?" "Oh yes, that sounds lovely!" Yeah, right). My shoes may never be the same- to say nothing of my dress. If they can't be salvaged, I will not be happy.
It is especially hard to feel properly delicate and feminine while carrying a shotgun. A shotgun is not, and never will be, a delicate and feminine weapon. There is absolutely no way to make it one. Even if it were pink and had lace and ribbons... not that it would actually look good like that. In fact, I have a bit of trouble even picturing it. If I must have a gun, I could at least have gotten one of those little pistols with the pearl handles that ladies in novels keep in their purses and bedside drawers. That would be ladylike. Almost elegant, even. This... well, isn't. And don't even get me started on this tracksuit they gave me. Ugh, tracksuits- as if I haven't seen enough of those already. I'm not quite sure I understand why I have to have a gun in the first place, though- not only do I not know how to use it, I have yet to run across anything to use it on.
Wait. That isn't... it's not a horde of zombies, is it?
Oh, shit.
... Er, that is to say, excrement.
Poll Vote!
Character: Michael J. Caboose (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_vs_Blue_Characters#Private_Michael_J._Caboose )
Series: Red Vs Blue
Age: Unspecified, but most likely in early twenties.
Canon: Red Vs Blue is a fan made series using the Halo games about... well, a Red side versus a Blue side...
trapped in an enclosed canyon called Blood Gulch. They fight sometimes... mostly, they just whine, complain,
swear, and do all they can to belittle each other into the depths of confusion and impossibly low morale... and
that's just with their teammates.
Caboose is simply what his name implies, a caboose of the undermanned Blue team, trying to defend their side from
the Reds. In addition, he can be completely oblivious to everything around him, so it's to no surprise to those
that know him if he asks the same thing several times over to things most people need ask only once. To
compensate, his strength is much greater than the normal army grunt and is often used for his strength to do...
grunt work.
His prowess for battle is great, but untapped. When he can force himself to get angry by thinking about 'kittens
covered with spikes' or 'Red Bull', he can take on, and defeat, impossible odds... though his intelligence suffers
all the more. Quote: "I will eat your unhappiness!"
It's because of his lack of intelligence that he can be overly friendly to everyone, even people on the Red side.
Though it's because of that people get irritated with him very easily. Especially in the case of Caboose's
commanding officer, Church. Caboose has tried several times in the past to impress Church so he will like him,
but ends up irritating Church more, and even killing him unintentionally... on more than one occasion.
*GASP* Everyone! Look! A sleeping person! But why would anyone be sleeping here? Don't the cabin beds have warm
and comfy sheets for us to lie on? Oh! Wait! I get it! He's waiting for Food Time! Camp food is much better
than the Blue Army rations I usually have. They smell like Grandma. Oh, does that mean we're going to have more
than one Food Time? Yay! I can get some food for my new friend, his name is Spot.
I met him in the forest and the zombieman said he was very easy to take care of. Though, I'm gonna need a BIIIIIG
litterbox when he has to do his business. Does anyone mind if he uses the lake? I don't think there's a box big
enough for him.
Speaking of Food Time, will there be campfire songs and marshmellows and smores and crackers? That would be the
greatest thing in the world... next to my friends being here. It's much nicer than the Blood Gulch that....
*GASP!*
More sleeping people!
Hmm... if this many people are sleeping... then that means...
NAP TIME!!
*SMACK and 6546 pages of 'ghtfgbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv' later.*
Good morning!
Is it Food Time now?
Poll Vote!
Character: Maladict
Series: Discworld by Terry Pratchett (specifically, Monstrous Regiment)
Age: appears to be about 18 (His age is not given in the book, but Maladict is part of a group of soldiers aged approximately 15 to
19, and his age is never pointed out as something exceptional.)
Canon: At first glance, the corporal of the so-called “Monstrous Regiment” of
the tiny, pugnacious and generally backwards nation of Borogravia’s run-
down army doesn’t appear very threatening. Not especially tall, rather slim,
dressed like a gentleman, pale of skin. Actually, very pale of skin. And then
there are the very pointy teeth.
Maladict is a vampire, possibly the most badass race in all of Discworld. In
fact, Maladict is so badass, it can begin to get a little annoying (nothing is
more irritating than when a person is always so superior acting and you can’t
call them on it because they pretty much are superior), until you get to know
him a little better. Despite his effortlessly cool style, he actually has a pretty
warm personality. (He also is not without his weaknesses.) He’s intelligent,
sarcastic, unable to keep from mouthing off and possessing of a rather morbid
sense of humour. And while he is a member of the League of Temperance
(members have sworn off the drinking of human blood; motto: “Not One
Drop”), he has not the slightest qualm over threatening to open a can of
vampiric whup-ass on someone for some reason (such as, say, getting served
better beer) with the very real ability and intention to follow through on that
threat.
A final word of warning: when he says “I’d kill for a cup of coffee,” unless you
don’t mind having him putting a serious damper on your social life -and all
other aspects of your life, actually, biological aspect included - you might
want to dig out the Folgers for him mighty quick.
SPOILER BUT KINDA SORTA AN IMPORTANT THING AT LEAST FOR
SOME PEOPLE HERE
As it turns out, Polly, the book’s protagonist, isn’t the only girl in male
disguise - Borogravia is so drained of young men, the entire regiment is made
up of women. Maladict - Maladicta, actually - included. However, even when
the entire group has revealed to each other that they’re female, Maladict
remains coy about the issue, and despite examining her closely with
the suspicion that she might be female, no one can figure it out for sure until she
tells Polly herself near the end of the book. Therefore, it’s highly doubtful that
anyone would be able to tell that she was female, save for those with near
magical gender-fu (Umeda?) or other powers (Aziraphale and other god-
modders). And as a final note, I’m taking Maladict from after the attack on the
clacks, so the coffee situation isn’t desperate - yet.
Good day to all!
Despite the lively zombie infestation from which this place is
suffering - honestly, I have never seen so many lurching about at
once, let alone performing organised sacrificial rituals (are they
really necessary? I know many who would have liked to have eaten that goat)
- I am sure that you are all civilized and
decent individuals, and that creating and maintaining friendly relations would be in the
best interests of all of us, wouldn’t you agree? After all, what’s
the sense of unnecessary antagonism when at war? I’m sure that
someone I know will attempt - or has attempted - to kill someone you know at some point in time, or vice versa, but let us live in
the moment, hm? Yes, I’m glad that you think so, too.
So in the interest of nurturing these beautiful relationships of
ours, I humbly request that you either release my compatriots
from wherever you are holding them or provide me with
information regarding their whereabouts. You appear to be
civilians, so you could not be holding them as prisoners of war.
As such, if you are planning to hand them over to the Alliance -
well, I am positive that such wonderful and intelligent people as
yourselves wouldn’t think of doing such a thing.
Oh, and you’ve probably spotted that I’m a Black Ribboner. I
assure you, I hold strictly to the motto of the League - not one
drop of human blood for me! I hope that you are tolerant people
who will accept that a vampire can make such a change in his life.
Tolerance is an excellent thing. For instance, when I was walking
through the woods, I was confronted by a large purple creature. It
attempted to show me some form of affection, which, I regret to
say, I did not tolerate. However, he proved to be a better man
(figuratively speaking, of course, as I have yet to see a man that
hairy, and that’s including werewolves) than me, as he so
graciously tolerated my ripping his head off! I strive to achieve
such tolerance in my life!
So! If you will lead me to my comrades, that will be much
appreciated.
Also, provide me with coffee. I know it is here. Someone spill
the beans.
Poll Vote!
Character: Manfred Gargamel
Series: Hitherby Dragons: An Unclean Legacy
Age: 19
Canon: "Unclean Legacy" is a dark alternate future to "The Smurfs" set after Gargamel successfully captured the Smurfs and transformed them into golden statues, granting him unlimited power. He married the Lady Yseult Saraman and had seven children with her, each gifted with strange powers and... well, the sort of personalities you'd expect out of Gargamel's children. Strangeness on a cosmic scale ensues.
Manfred Gargamel is the third Gargamel child, less than a year younger than his brother Francescu, and possesses near-inhuman strength and fighting talent. Once a glorious knight, bound by his oath never to shed innocent blood, Manfred has recently fallen from grace and learned to kill. Despite his recent mental scars and imposing appearance -- armored and powerful-looking, with blood-red cracked gauntlets and the savage black spear Cursebreaker -- he's not particularly dark-minded or even angsty; he still fights for valor and justice, as he sees it. In his own words, he's "not very good at thinking his way out of things," and tends to solve problems with strength -- in other words, he's a shounen retard, albeit a well-spoken and vaguely philosophical one.
Note: Manfred's one exposure to ninjas thus far has been his sister Elisabet, who is both a skilled ninja and a shadowy tentacle monster. Therefore, although he knows a decent amount about ninja techniques, he has no idea that "ninja" and "tentacle monster" aren't generally synonymous.
Aha! Do your worst, beasts, but I shall not hesitate to--
... Oh. You're... not attacking me. My apologies, then; I suppose I simply assumed that most everything here was off a martial disposition. The wings, in particular, gave me pause... er, but no need for that. I'm being terribly rude. Don't you even attack to defend yourselves, then?
Oh, you don't have problems with the dead? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given that... you're certainly not human, are you? The dead only trouble their own, I remember -- something about regrets. Or maybe nutrition... I rather forget... but that's not important. If you've been here for a while, perhaps you could help me? I have come to investigate rumors that this land's owner's betrothed was murdered, and more specifically that I was responsible. I certainly don't remember killing this betrothed, but it is certainly within my power to have done so, and it may be possible that killing was required in this case.
Well, you can't dispute that it is necessary, can you? At... times. Surely you must understand!
Ah, well.
I will confess, though, that the service of justice is not my only aim here. I have heard great tales of "the creature in the lake" -- a powerful ninja, no doubt! -- and wish to try my strength against it. Surely, if the rumors are true, it must have earth-shattering secret clan techniques! A wealth of shuriken, certainly! Perhaps even tiny knives, cunningly poisoned! I have traveled many days in the hope of this challenge, and I have prepared many clever rebuttals for its sinister and glorious monologues! I trust I have at last reached the right place?
... save me? I thank you for your kindness, but I suspect I am long past salvation! I have -- Oh. Ohhhh. Save my... progress? Well, it sounds harmless enough, in the event that I encounter something troubling. I do have a knack for making enemies, and I feel trouble in my future, as the shadow must always pursue those of --
For me? Thank you! ... and it's cherry. Delightful!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
Now VOTE. ... Closed.
Character: Reginald Shoe
Series: Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, specifically Night Watch (spoilers, beware)
Age: Not specified, but about 18.
Canon: He's a patriot. He's a firm believer in the ideals of Truth, Justice, Freedom, and Reasonably-Priced Love (and, at the insistence of Sergeant-at-Arms Keel of the Night Watch, a Hard-Boiled Egg). He's a revolutionary, although he might just be the most useless revolutionary ever. His slogans include such memorable cries as 'Death to the fascist oppressors, present company excepted!' He can be moved to tears at the thought of injustice. Most of all, he's passionate about dead rights, and champions - albeit ineffectively - the dead and undead of Ankh-Morpork.
Oh, and he's a zombie.
Brethren and sistren! For too long you have struggled under the yoke of the oppressors! They have taken your homes, your lives, and your campground, but they can never take your freedom! Rise up with me, and together we shall be triumphant!
They have scoffed at your need for braaaains, denied you basic rights on the basis that you are differently alive. This shall not, nay, CANNOT continue! Undead yes, unperson no! I have taken the liberty of drawing up a letter of demands for the fascist dictator they call the Director. Allow me to present this letter to you, brethren and sistren, so that we may better combine our resistance and fight against this bullying tyrant!
Dear Fascist Oppressor:
We, the undead and differently-alive residents of Camp Fuck You Die, angered by the inequality of our treatment, hereby present our list of demands:
i. That we no longer be deprived of the essential communication devices known as 'laptops', in what is clearly a calculated attempt to restrict our conversation with other differently-alive campers;
ii. Equal opportunities to interact with the gorillas and other camp creatures;
iii. A lack of restrictions on sparkling at any place or time that we choose;
iv. Unrestricted access to the tickyboxes.
If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur we will continue petitioning until they are! WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED!
Brethren and sistren, now is the time to rise up against the oppressive dictatorship, to break free of the chains in which we have been enslaved! We may be differently alive, but we know our rights and we will have them! Now is the time to shuffle proudly forth into the new day!
Poll Vote!
Character: Ryuugasaki Momoko
Series: Shimotsuma Monogatari/Kamikaze Girls (novel)
Age: 16
Canon: Momoko is a modern Japanese teenager who wishes she'd been born 18th-century European nobility. As it is, she's a Gothic Lolita who's devoted her life to the ideals of Rococo- basically meaning that she values form over function. To this end, she refuses to work or develop any useful skills, instead spending most of her time doing embroidery and shopping for clothes, which are very important to her. Despite her strong independent streak, she thinks women should be ladylike and fragile. Her speech patterns are a rather strange mix of formal, old-fashioned language and normal teenage slang (though she tries to avoid "vulgar" language, if possible).
And to think I was actually looking forward to this trip to America.
Well, it's not Europe, but it might still be interesting. At any rate, it has to be better than Shimotsuma, home of thousands of rice paddies and about as many idiots... is what I thought. However, unfortunately, it seems I was wrong. Shimotsuma, for all its faults, at least had roads, which is more than I can say for this place. And as hard as it is to get into the Rococo spirit while strolling past the endless rice paddies of home, it's harder still when strolling through a swamp. I really don't think that this was a common pastime for French noblewomen ("What shall we do after luncheon, Marie?" "Why don't we go slog through ankle-deep mud?" "Oh yes, that sounds lovely!" Yeah, right). My shoes may never be the same- to say nothing of my dress. If they can't be salvaged, I will not be happy.
It is especially hard to feel properly delicate and feminine while carrying a shotgun. A shotgun is not, and never will be, a delicate and feminine weapon. There is absolutely no way to make it one. Even if it were pink and had lace and ribbons... not that it would actually look good like that. In fact, I have a bit of trouble even picturing it. If I must have a gun, I could at least have gotten one of those little pistols with the pearl handles that ladies in novels keep in their purses and bedside drawers. That would be ladylike. Almost elegant, even. This... well, isn't. And don't even get me started on this tracksuit they gave me. Ugh, tracksuits- as if I haven't seen enough of those already. I'm not quite sure I understand why I have to have a gun in the first place, though- not only do I not know how to use it, I have yet to run across anything to use it on.
Wait. That isn't... it's not a horde of zombies, is it?
Oh, shit.
... Er, that is to say, excrement.
Poll Vote!
Character: Michael J. Caboose (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_vs_Blue_Characters#Private_Michael_J._Caboose )
Series: Red Vs Blue
Age: Unspecified, but most likely in early twenties.
Canon: Red Vs Blue is a fan made series using the Halo games about... well, a Red side versus a Blue side...
trapped in an enclosed canyon called Blood Gulch. They fight sometimes... mostly, they just whine, complain,
swear, and do all they can to belittle each other into the depths of confusion and impossibly low morale... and
that's just with their teammates.
Caboose is simply what his name implies, a caboose of the undermanned Blue team, trying to defend their side from
the Reds. In addition, he can be completely oblivious to everything around him, so it's to no surprise to those
that know him if he asks the same thing several times over to things most people need ask only once. To
compensate, his strength is much greater than the normal army grunt and is often used for his strength to do...
grunt work.
His prowess for battle is great, but untapped. When he can force himself to get angry by thinking about 'kittens
covered with spikes' or 'Red Bull', he can take on, and defeat, impossible odds... though his intelligence suffers
all the more. Quote: "I will eat your unhappiness!"
It's because of his lack of intelligence that he can be overly friendly to everyone, even people on the Red side.
Though it's because of that people get irritated with him very easily. Especially in the case of Caboose's
commanding officer, Church. Caboose has tried several times in the past to impress Church so he will like him,
but ends up irritating Church more, and even killing him unintentionally... on more than one occasion.
*GASP* Everyone! Look! A sleeping person! But why would anyone be sleeping here? Don't the cabin beds have warm
and comfy sheets for us to lie on? Oh! Wait! I get it! He's waiting for Food Time! Camp food is much better
than the Blue Army rations I usually have. They smell like Grandma. Oh, does that mean we're going to have more
than one Food Time? Yay! I can get some food for my new friend, his name is Spot.
I met him in the forest and the zombieman said he was very easy to take care of. Though, I'm gonna need a BIIIIIG
litterbox when he has to do his business. Does anyone mind if he uses the lake? I don't think there's a box big
enough for him.
Speaking of Food Time, will there be campfire songs and marshmellows and smores and crackers? That would be the
greatest thing in the world... next to my friends being here. It's much nicer than the Blood Gulch that....
*GASP!*
More sleeping people!
Hmm... if this many people are sleeping... then that means...
NAP TIME!!
*SMACK and 6546 pages of 'ghtfgbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv' later.*
Good morning!
Is it Food Time now?
Poll Vote!
Character: Maladict
Series: Discworld by Terry Pratchett (specifically, Monstrous Regiment)
Age: appears to be about 18 (His age is not given in the book, but Maladict is part of a group of soldiers aged approximately 15 to
19, and his age is never pointed out as something exceptional.)
Canon: At first glance, the corporal of the so-called “Monstrous Regiment” of
the tiny, pugnacious and generally backwards nation of Borogravia’s run-
down army doesn’t appear very threatening. Not especially tall, rather slim,
dressed like a gentleman, pale of skin. Actually, very pale of skin. And then
there are the very pointy teeth.
Maladict is a vampire, possibly the most badass race in all of Discworld. In
fact, Maladict is so badass, it can begin to get a little annoying (nothing is
more irritating than when a person is always so superior acting and you can’t
call them on it because they pretty much are superior), until you get to know
him a little better. Despite his effortlessly cool style, he actually has a pretty
warm personality. (He also is not without his weaknesses.) He’s intelligent,
sarcastic, unable to keep from mouthing off and possessing of a rather morbid
sense of humour. And while he is a member of the League of Temperance
(members have sworn off the drinking of human blood; motto: “Not One
Drop”), he has not the slightest qualm over threatening to open a can of
vampiric whup-ass on someone for some reason (such as, say, getting served
better beer) with the very real ability and intention to follow through on that
threat.
A final word of warning: when he says “I’d kill for a cup of coffee,” unless you
don’t mind having him putting a serious damper on your social life -and all
other aspects of your life, actually, biological aspect included - you might
want to dig out the Folgers for him mighty quick.
SPOILER BUT KINDA SORTA AN IMPORTANT THING AT LEAST FOR
SOME PEOPLE HERE
As it turns out, Polly, the book’s protagonist, isn’t the only girl in male
disguise - Borogravia is so drained of young men, the entire regiment is made
up of women. Maladict - Maladicta, actually - included. However, even when
the entire group has revealed to each other that they’re female, Maladict
remains coy about the issue, and despite examining her closely with
the suspicion that she might be female, no one can figure it out for sure until she
tells Polly herself near the end of the book. Therefore, it’s highly doubtful that
anyone would be able to tell that she was female, save for those with near
magical gender-fu (Umeda?) or other powers (Aziraphale and other god-
modders). And as a final note, I’m taking Maladict from after the attack on the
clacks, so the coffee situation isn’t desperate - yet.
Good day to all!
Despite the lively zombie infestation from which this place is
suffering - honestly, I have never seen so many lurching about at
once, let alone performing organised sacrificial rituals (are they
really necessary? I know many who would have liked to have eaten that goat)
- I am sure that you are all civilized and
decent individuals, and that creating and maintaining friendly relations would be in the
best interests of all of us, wouldn’t you agree? After all, what’s
the sense of unnecessary antagonism when at war? I’m sure that
someone I know will attempt - or has attempted - to kill someone you know at some point in time, or vice versa, but let us live in
the moment, hm? Yes, I’m glad that you think so, too.
So in the interest of nurturing these beautiful relationships of
ours, I humbly request that you either release my compatriots
from wherever you are holding them or provide me with
information regarding their whereabouts. You appear to be
civilians, so you could not be holding them as prisoners of war.
As such, if you are planning to hand them over to the Alliance -
well, I am positive that such wonderful and intelligent people as
yourselves wouldn’t think of doing such a thing.
Oh, and you’ve probably spotted that I’m a Black Ribboner. I
assure you, I hold strictly to the motto of the League - not one
drop of human blood for me! I hope that you are tolerant people
who will accept that a vampire can make such a change in his life.
Tolerance is an excellent thing. For instance, when I was walking
through the woods, I was confronted by a large purple creature. It
attempted to show me some form of affection, which, I regret to
say, I did not tolerate. However, he proved to be a better man
(figuratively speaking, of course, as I have yet to see a man that
hairy, and that’s including werewolves) than me, as he so
graciously tolerated my ripping his head off! I strive to achieve
such tolerance in my life!
So! If you will lead me to my comrades, that will be much
appreciated.
Also, provide me with coffee. I know it is here. Someone spill
the beans.
Poll Vote!
Character: Manfred Gargamel
Series: Hitherby Dragons: An Unclean Legacy
Age: 19
Canon: "Unclean Legacy" is a dark alternate future to "The Smurfs" set after Gargamel successfully captured the Smurfs and transformed them into golden statues, granting him unlimited power. He married the Lady Yseult Saraman and had seven children with her, each gifted with strange powers and... well, the sort of personalities you'd expect out of Gargamel's children. Strangeness on a cosmic scale ensues.
Manfred Gargamel is the third Gargamel child, less than a year younger than his brother Francescu, and possesses near-inhuman strength and fighting talent. Once a glorious knight, bound by his oath never to shed innocent blood, Manfred has recently fallen from grace and learned to kill. Despite his recent mental scars and imposing appearance -- armored and powerful-looking, with blood-red cracked gauntlets and the savage black spear Cursebreaker -- he's not particularly dark-minded or even angsty; he still fights for valor and justice, as he sees it. In his own words, he's "not very good at thinking his way out of things," and tends to solve problems with strength -- in other words, he's a shounen retard, albeit a well-spoken and vaguely philosophical one.
Note: Manfred's one exposure to ninjas thus far has been his sister Elisabet, who is both a skilled ninja and a shadowy tentacle monster. Therefore, although he knows a decent amount about ninja techniques, he has no idea that "ninja" and "tentacle monster" aren't generally synonymous.
Aha! Do your worst, beasts, but I shall not hesitate to--
... Oh. You're... not attacking me. My apologies, then; I suppose I simply assumed that most everything here was off a martial disposition. The wings, in particular, gave me pause... er, but no need for that. I'm being terribly rude. Don't you even attack to defend yourselves, then?
Oh, you don't have problems with the dead? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, given that... you're certainly not human, are you? The dead only trouble their own, I remember -- something about regrets. Or maybe nutrition... I rather forget... but that's not important. If you've been here for a while, perhaps you could help me? I have come to investigate rumors that this land's owner's betrothed was murdered, and more specifically that I was responsible. I certainly don't remember killing this betrothed, but it is certainly within my power to have done so, and it may be possible that killing was required in this case.
Well, you can't dispute that it is necessary, can you? At... times. Surely you must understand!
Ah, well.
I will confess, though, that the service of justice is not my only aim here. I have heard great tales of "the creature in the lake" -- a powerful ninja, no doubt! -- and wish to try my strength against it. Surely, if the rumors are true, it must have earth-shattering secret clan techniques! A wealth of shuriken, certainly! Perhaps even tiny knives, cunningly poisoned! I have traveled many days in the hope of this challenge, and I have prepared many clever rebuttals for its sinister and glorious monologues! I trust I have at last reached the right place?
... save me? I thank you for your kindness, but I suspect I am long past salvation! I have -- Oh. Ohhhh. Save my... progress? Well, it sounds harmless enough, in the event that I encounter something troubling. I do have a knack for making enemies, and I feel trouble in my future, as the shadow must always pursue those of --
For me? Thank you! ... and it's cherry. Delightful!
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