(no subject)
I RETURN. Have some counselors.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- I'M SHITTIN' IN A BOX 'CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. DONE!
Character: Anders
Series: Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Character Age: Unknown, but probably somewhere in his early 20’s
Job: Cat Herder
Canon:
Once Upon a Time in a land called Thedas, some mages did A Bad Thing and accidentally unleashed a Blight of undead hordes of monsters called Darkspawn upon the world. Only a the secretive order of warriors called the Grey Wardens can effectively quell their numbers and bring peace to the land. Dragon Age: Origins is the tale of one such Grey Warden as they endeavor to save the country of Ferelden from the Blight. Awakenings picks up a short while after the it has been quashed. The Warden is now called to be the Warden Commander of Vigil’s Keep, a fortress near the seaside community of Amaranthine. Once there, the Warden discovers that the Darkspawn threat is not wholly gone; rather there are Darkspawn that talk and plot for themselves, and they are up to something involving the Wardens. To face this new challenge, the Warden Commander will need to recruit new Grey Wardens to replenish Ferelden’s depleted ranks.
Anders is a fugitive mage who happened to be at Vigil’s Keep at the time of the initial Darkspawn onslaught. Accused of murdering the templars who perished in the attack, he has little choice but to join the Grey Wardens or hang. If Anders could be described in a single word it would be “flippant.” When not running away and shirking his responsibilities, he's often ready with a sarcastic quip. He seldom treats situations or other people seriously, save for his own bitterness about being locked in a tower for much of his life. Despite being mostly selfish, he has a soft spot for cats, particularly his own, Ser Pounce-a-lot, whom he carries everywhere and even talks to in a fairly embarrassing manner.
Sample Entry:
Now this is not something you see every day, Ser Pounce-a-lot. How often is it that you end up in a corn field full of the walking undead and find a “Help Wanted - Cat Herder” sign? This is some sort of joke, isn’t it-because honestly, herding cats? I imagine that there are slightly more pressing matters at hand. I feel I should point out that there are some very dead people walking about. They’re certainly smellier problems, I can guarantee you that. I think I stepped on a rotted ear earlier. Maker, that stench will follow me for at least a week. But speaking hypothetically for a moment about what a cat herder would even do-what sort of equipment does a cat herder use? Should I add little bells to my staff? A bit of string to get their attention? Employ a painstakingly-trained squadron of mice to divert them into their special kitten pen? I don’t think they’d take to being penned in. You can’t just lock cats away like sheep or cattle, after all. That’s the thing about cats, they don’t need “herding.” In fact they don't need much of anything. They’re quite good at taking care of themselves. That’s what makes them cats-you know, that unbiddable independence that ignores you until they want food. … Someone is feeding them, right? They’re not scavenging on zombie bits, are they?
I suppose I wouldn’t mind lingering just a little while to supervise these poor beasts, but don’t expect me to stay around, especially when someone starts knocking on doors and asking about that undead problem you have. Because you know the first person who will be blamed for that? The mage. And who will be hung for that? The mage. Kittens are good, but dying’s bad. I’m not fan of death, especially mine. Anyway, don’t you worry, Ser Pounce-a-lot! We’ll be just fine, you know those zombies are no match for my magic. And who's my vicious attack kitten? That's right, it's you! No half-rotted ankle shall go unscratched while you're on watch.
Besides, it might not be so bad. I can get by nibbling on corn, you can chase mice with the other cats ... and it doesn’t matter how many kitties they have-shaggy, short-haired or even shaved, you know you’ll always be my favorite pussy.
Poll Vote!
Character: Merrill
Series: Dragon Age II
Character Age: ~25
Job: Good Intentions Guru
Canon: What are you to do when your home is attacked by demon-like beings and you find yourself on the run with your family? If you’re anything like Hawke, you take root in a new location and work your way from zero to hero, helping people with their personal issues as well as bringing an end to peace in said new location, Kirkwall, by bringing about war. It's not long before Hawke is on the run again, leaving behind more questions than answers as the chantry seeks out the truth behind what really happened. Dragon Age II begins at the end, retelling Hawke's grand adventures which range from clearing out giant spider infested caves to getting someone in the bedroom, as well introducing us to the friends who became tangled in this giant mess. Friends like an elf who wants to leave her clan and learn more about the outside world.
Happy to find someone to accept her once she leaves her Dalish clan (forest-dwelling elves who segregate themselves from human society in order to preserve their own culture) in Sundermount, Merrill is an elf with a large heart, a fascination with griffons, and a penchant for easily getting lost. Easily distracted and spirited, she frequently rambles, only catching herself after she’s gone on too much. Despite setting out with only the best intentions in mind, her naive nature tends to cause her good will to backfire. Her desire to help and sense of duty to protect Dalish culture has caused her to go as far as to strike a deal with a demon, who told her it would help her in her efforts. Dealing in demons and working with blood magic is generally frowned upon, but alas Merrill sees it as something necessary. Why would someone who said they were going to help turn their back on her?
Note: In this context, using “Elgar'nan” is sort of like saying "God." Likewise, “Creators” is another way of expressing the same sentiment.
Sample Post:
Elgar'nan, did I get lost again? I got lost again, didn't I? If I'm back to being surrounded by corn, that means the answer is yes. Someone should really leave a sign out when you're about to walk into a magic barrier that transports you back into this maze. I’ve been lost more times in here than I have been looking around Camp for the person I'm supposed to be counselling. I've already been to those dreadful caves- not somewhere you want to go frolicking around in if you haven't got the proper covering for your feet. The grass out here is much nicer on the feet than that cold rock . . . even if there's more than a few unpleasant things to step in out here. Like droppings and, oh, I think I barely missed someone's eye. I don't want to know how someone went about losing that. At least the buildings are less likely to have unused body parts in them. The ones I've stumbled across have all been clean. I was disappointed when I found out the Mess Hall wasn't messy at all. It defeats the purpose of the name, if you ask me. I was expecting to see all your junk scattered around the floor. It certainly would have made me feel more at home than all this corn.
Oh, you look like you don't belong in here either, little bird. I hardly noticed that anyone else was just as lost as me, and here I was rambling on like no one was watching. You're too nice to speak up and interrupt me . . . Or tweet or sing or any other noise birds make. You must find me silly, standing here and talking to myself. You're the first bird I've seen since my travels here, and you're much different than the ones we had at Sundermount. Plenty of things here aren't like anything from back home. Did you know they keep a monster on top of a tower here? It’s very nice for being so eerie looking, it even waved to me whenever I looped back around. Do you think they have griffons somewhere around here? I hope they do. They've all gone extinct back home.
I'd love to have a job taking care of them for Camp. The job they gave me is very formal sounding, though not as exciting as "Official Griffon Tamer and Rider" which is what I would have asked for had I thought about it at the time. They settled on me being the Good Intentions Guru for Camp instead. I don't understand what a guru is yet, but it's rather fun to say out loud. The part about good intentions I can understand at the very least. If you were to ask me "Merrill, is it good that I'm building my nest high up in the trees?" it would be my job to tell you yes. Your intentions there are to help your children, which is what every mother should do. That's an excellent example of good intentions. So don't go about doing things like abandoning your children because they happen to look different or they seem like troublemakers. I don't want to have to scold a little bird like you.
. . . Creators, my first day and I've spent all this time getting lost and trying to counsel a bird. I hope no one's made any bad decisions without me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Aquaman
Series: Batman: The Brave and the Bold tv series
Character Age: HERO
Job: Official Story Teller
Canon: Batman: The Brave and the Bold is a cartoon that gets to the heart of DC Comics: how much everyone has a boner for Batman. Heroes and villains of varying degrees of popularity all get their turns either fighting with or against Batman in a show that mixes well both the early camp years and the later dark years of He Who Calls Himself The Night.
Aquaman is one of the more regularly recurring characters in this show. A far cry from his usual lackluster background self, this version of the king of Atlantis is boisterously loud, obnoxiously cheerful and more than capable of punching sharks right in the face. He loves fighting crime, telling stories and - like everyone else - pairing up with the Batman whenever possible (even if Batman would rather pretend to be near death). He'll give an outlandish title to any adventure possible, and if he can interject a loud outrageous! into a situation, he will.
Sample Post:
Ahoy there, young people of the corn lands! I, Aquaman - superhero, king of Atlantis and one of Batman's closest, most trusted friends - have come from the depths of the great blue abyss, here to save you all from a fate worse than death - boredom!
I was contacted just the other day by your fair queen, the Director Elizabeth, regarding the poor quality of entertainment around these dry parts! I call it, "The Tale of the Chloroformed Letter!" - although I am, of course, immune to anything mere seaweed produce. And while I do find booby-trapping a letter in poor taste, I was moved by its contents, a clear plea for help if I ever saw one: "congratulations, you have been promoted to OFFICIAL STORY TELLER"! Outrageous! I knew right away something was rotten in the state of where ever this place is, so I made my way here as fast as I could - for truth, justice and the sake of fun!
Which is clearly something this place has never heard of. Look at all this flat, dry land! Nary a pond or a river in sight, and do you call those trees? Those wouldn't pass for kelp down in Atlantis! And all this corn - far too much of it! It's cluttering up the landscape, completely taking over any good fighting ground! Can you bounce yourself off a stalk of corn, or punch a supervillain into it and get a good thwack sound? I think not!
Why, I can't recall the last time I ever saw such a dull, lifeless, unexciting place in my life - which reminds me of a story! I call it, "Aquaman's Most Boring Brush with Death!" There I was, standing on the flattest piece of land surrounded by corn and wheat on all sides, and deadly ninja zombies on the all the other sides when- oh, sorry, that was just a few minutes ago.
Good Poseidon's fins, this is tedious. Brace yourselves, my young chums! There's adventures to be had and by guppy, we will have them!
Poll Vote!
Character: Eeyore
Series: Winnie the Pooh
Character Age: Donkey Counselor aged.
Job: Donkeys Against Dismemberment Representative
Canon: Welcome to the Hundred-Acre wood, a forest that's home of little talking animals that spend their time growing carrots, stealing honey, and teaching kids life lessons. Winnie the Pooh is a recount of the daily adventures of a little yellow bear and his friends.
One of his friends is the grey donkey, Eeyore. He's best described as a... constant downer. He spends the majority of his time being gloomy, passive and a bit blunt. Having a party? He'll sigh about it. Made him a cake? He'll thank you, and then sigh about it. Most of his words are self-deprecating. Despite his rather cold front, he's an honestly friendly, empathetic donkey. It's not that he doesn't like friends. He's just... very incapable of finding a ray of sunshine in anything. Pessimism is just one of this donkey's specialties. The other? Losing his detachable tail.
Sample Post:
Sigh. ‘llo and good afternoon, everyone. Except maybe not, because there’s a cloud there in the distance. Look at that cloud go. Drifting through the sky, blocking out the sun, making everyone’s day a little bit less sunny. It’s like the grey Eeyore of clouds. Probably not a very good introduction, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. There were probably better donkeys to choose from than me. Green donkeys, or purple Eeyores. Eeyores that would better fit into your farm. Eeyores that wouldn’t bring clouds into your sunny days.
And now I’m rambling. I’m sorry. There are probably better Eeyores out there, that wouldn’t ramble about other things. There’s a lot to cover, and here I am wasting everyone’s time. You probably have other people to listen to. I understand if you want to kick me out. I brought a cloud into your sky, and I’ll probably bring sugar in next. Breaking smiles, and now I’m breaking rules. Why do I bother.
Now that you know about how terrible I am, this probably won’t do anything. I’m Eeyore, and I’m here on behalf of Donkeys Against Dismemberment. I’m not sure what that means, but the paper they gave me said I should talk about losing your body parts. Suppose that means I should talk about losing your body parts. You probably hear about this all the time, and you’re probably all bored already. I shouldn’t be saying this, but I guess you can drop your ears. It’s okay, I won’t take it personally. Sigh. I know I’m no good. I would drop my ears too, but I can only drop my tail. That wouldn’t do anything. Just like me.
I should probably just get to the point. I can see your eyelids dropping. Literally, even. I’m sorry. I’m just here to say that you should value your limbs. Dropping them all over the place is no good. Not that I should be telling you that. They’re your arms. They’re your legs. And no one else can tell you how to use them. You’re not even Donkeys.
I didn’t even notice. And now I lost my tail. I didn’t even notice. I guess I’ll just wait for Tuesday. Hopefully I’ll find it in the soup.
Maybe I’ll find a smile in there too.
Poll Vote!
Character: Anna “Annie” Sawyer
Series: Being Human (BBC)
Character Age: 22
Job: Superintendent for People Obliterated, Immolated,
Life-challenged, Ended, or Really Stiff
Canon: This is a world where the supernatural exists, unknown to the general public. Every species, whether mortal or not, clashes against each other to get higher up in the food chain, or to try not to get eaten. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, a trio of spooks live together in an attempt at leading normal lives. However, they must deal with a variety of obstacles in their path that range from asking a cute girl out for lunch to vampires trying to rule the world.
Annie is a young ghost who rooms with her two friends, a vampire and a werewolf, as they attempt to live as normally as possible in a world that’s anything but. She’s a very friendly person who generally loves being around people, although she does has problems with insecurity that can negate her social attitude. Annie’s moods can range all over the spectrum; when she’s excited, she can babble until someone finally tells her to shut up, but she’s also easy to upset and anger. The smallest provocation can break her down into tears, yet she can bounce back quickly from this at times. Annie also has a tendency of making A Lot of tea, and stating very questionable and awkward jokes and phrases.
Sample Post:
Well, isn’t this exciting? Our very first counseling session with one another! I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wanted to go to camp. You know what they say, “What happens in band camp, stays in band camp”. Although I’m not entirely too sure on how much trouble you can get in at a place with a bunch of tubas. Unless you’re very horn-y. Ha ha, get it, because a tuba is a horn? Not even a chuckle? Looks like I’m being brass. Instead of brash? Still nothing? Ahem, all right, moving on.
Thinking about it, it’s not like any of that really matters here, since it’s not actually a band camp. It’s a . . . I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly sure what kind of camp this is. I assumed it was for people like us, you know, not of the living variety. But there’s plenty of non-dead people walking around. And it can’t be a summer camp, because they hired me so late. And it wouldn’t make sense to hire me at the end of summer if it’s one of those, would it? They should seriously work on their brochures or something. If I were in charge, I would-I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Let’s try to stick to business then.
According to your file you were-killed in a freak tuba accident? Seriously? Oh my God, and I was making all those jokes about that! I’m so very sorry, you must think that I’m a massive wanker right now. God, I’m not even sure why they hired me to do this, it’s not like I’m an expert at this sort of thing! I mean, who gets a dead person who doesn’t know what they’re doing to help another dead person who doesn’t know what they’re doing? All that’s being accomplished is that we’re we’re both sitting here, being dead, and possibly rotting depending on the type of dead you are. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with being the type of dead that rots, aside from the . . . well, smell. And the-on second thought, there are a lot of things wrong with it, aren’t there?
Wait, I see that I missed something. It says that you were killed in a freak tuba and zombie accident. So that makes you a . . . Oh. Well, this is awkward. I think that’s quite long enough for this session, don’t you? See you next week. And you smell lovely, by the way!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- I'M SHITTIN' IN A BOX 'CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. DONE!
Character: Anders
Series: Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Character Age: Unknown, but probably somewhere in his early 20’s
Job: Cat Herder
Canon:
Once Upon a Time in a land called Thedas, some mages did A Bad Thing and accidentally unleashed a Blight of undead hordes of monsters called Darkspawn upon the world. Only a the secretive order of warriors called the Grey Wardens can effectively quell their numbers and bring peace to the land. Dragon Age: Origins is the tale of one such Grey Warden as they endeavor to save the country of Ferelden from the Blight. Awakenings picks up a short while after the it has been quashed. The Warden is now called to be the Warden Commander of Vigil’s Keep, a fortress near the seaside community of Amaranthine. Once there, the Warden discovers that the Darkspawn threat is not wholly gone; rather there are Darkspawn that talk and plot for themselves, and they are up to something involving the Wardens. To face this new challenge, the Warden Commander will need to recruit new Grey Wardens to replenish Ferelden’s depleted ranks.
Anders is a fugitive mage who happened to be at Vigil’s Keep at the time of the initial Darkspawn onslaught. Accused of murdering the templars who perished in the attack, he has little choice but to join the Grey Wardens or hang. If Anders could be described in a single word it would be “flippant.” When not running away and shirking his responsibilities, he's often ready with a sarcastic quip. He seldom treats situations or other people seriously, save for his own bitterness about being locked in a tower for much of his life. Despite being mostly selfish, he has a soft spot for cats, particularly his own, Ser Pounce-a-lot, whom he carries everywhere and even talks to in a fairly embarrassing manner.
Sample Entry:
Now this is not something you see every day, Ser Pounce-a-lot. How often is it that you end up in a corn field full of the walking undead and find a “Help Wanted - Cat Herder” sign? This is some sort of joke, isn’t it-because honestly, herding cats? I imagine that there are slightly more pressing matters at hand. I feel I should point out that there are some very dead people walking about. They’re certainly smellier problems, I can guarantee you that. I think I stepped on a rotted ear earlier. Maker, that stench will follow me for at least a week. But speaking hypothetically for a moment about what a cat herder would even do-what sort of equipment does a cat herder use? Should I add little bells to my staff? A bit of string to get their attention? Employ a painstakingly-trained squadron of mice to divert them into their special kitten pen? I don’t think they’d take to being penned in. You can’t just lock cats away like sheep or cattle, after all. That’s the thing about cats, they don’t need “herding.” In fact they don't need much of anything. They’re quite good at taking care of themselves. That’s what makes them cats-you know, that unbiddable independence that ignores you until they want food. … Someone is feeding them, right? They’re not scavenging on zombie bits, are they?
I suppose I wouldn’t mind lingering just a little while to supervise these poor beasts, but don’t expect me to stay around, especially when someone starts knocking on doors and asking about that undead problem you have. Because you know the first person who will be blamed for that? The mage. And who will be hung for that? The mage. Kittens are good, but dying’s bad. I’m not fan of death, especially mine. Anyway, don’t you worry, Ser Pounce-a-lot! We’ll be just fine, you know those zombies are no match for my magic. And who's my vicious attack kitten? That's right, it's you! No half-rotted ankle shall go unscratched while you're on watch.
Besides, it might not be so bad. I can get by nibbling on corn, you can chase mice with the other cats ... and it doesn’t matter how many kitties they have-shaggy, short-haired or even shaved, you know you’ll always be my favorite pussy.
Poll Vote!
Character: Merrill
Series: Dragon Age II
Character Age: ~25
Job: Good Intentions Guru
Canon: What are you to do when your home is attacked by demon-like beings and you find yourself on the run with your family? If you’re anything like Hawke, you take root in a new location and work your way from zero to hero, helping people with their personal issues as well as bringing an end to peace in said new location, Kirkwall, by bringing about war. It's not long before Hawke is on the run again, leaving behind more questions than answers as the chantry seeks out the truth behind what really happened. Dragon Age II begins at the end, retelling Hawke's grand adventures which range from clearing out giant spider infested caves to getting someone in the bedroom, as well introducing us to the friends who became tangled in this giant mess. Friends like an elf who wants to leave her clan and learn more about the outside world.
Happy to find someone to accept her once she leaves her Dalish clan (forest-dwelling elves who segregate themselves from human society in order to preserve their own culture) in Sundermount, Merrill is an elf with a large heart, a fascination with griffons, and a penchant for easily getting lost. Easily distracted and spirited, she frequently rambles, only catching herself after she’s gone on too much. Despite setting out with only the best intentions in mind, her naive nature tends to cause her good will to backfire. Her desire to help and sense of duty to protect Dalish culture has caused her to go as far as to strike a deal with a demon, who told her it would help her in her efforts. Dealing in demons and working with blood magic is generally frowned upon, but alas Merrill sees it as something necessary. Why would someone who said they were going to help turn their back on her?
Note: In this context, using “Elgar'nan” is sort of like saying "God." Likewise, “Creators” is another way of expressing the same sentiment.
Sample Post:
Elgar'nan, did I get lost again? I got lost again, didn't I? If I'm back to being surrounded by corn, that means the answer is yes. Someone should really leave a sign out when you're about to walk into a magic barrier that transports you back into this maze. I’ve been lost more times in here than I have been looking around Camp for the person I'm supposed to be counselling. I've already been to those dreadful caves- not somewhere you want to go frolicking around in if you haven't got the proper covering for your feet. The grass out here is much nicer on the feet than that cold rock . . . even if there's more than a few unpleasant things to step in out here. Like droppings and, oh, I think I barely missed someone's eye. I don't want to know how someone went about losing that. At least the buildings are less likely to have unused body parts in them. The ones I've stumbled across have all been clean. I was disappointed when I found out the Mess Hall wasn't messy at all. It defeats the purpose of the name, if you ask me. I was expecting to see all your junk scattered around the floor. It certainly would have made me feel more at home than all this corn.
Oh, you look like you don't belong in here either, little bird. I hardly noticed that anyone else was just as lost as me, and here I was rambling on like no one was watching. You're too nice to speak up and interrupt me . . . Or tweet or sing or any other noise birds make. You must find me silly, standing here and talking to myself. You're the first bird I've seen since my travels here, and you're much different than the ones we had at Sundermount. Plenty of things here aren't like anything from back home. Did you know they keep a monster on top of a tower here? It’s very nice for being so eerie looking, it even waved to me whenever I looped back around. Do you think they have griffons somewhere around here? I hope they do. They've all gone extinct back home.
I'd love to have a job taking care of them for Camp. The job they gave me is very formal sounding, though not as exciting as "Official Griffon Tamer and Rider" which is what I would have asked for had I thought about it at the time. They settled on me being the Good Intentions Guru for Camp instead. I don't understand what a guru is yet, but it's rather fun to say out loud. The part about good intentions I can understand at the very least. If you were to ask me "Merrill, is it good that I'm building my nest high up in the trees?" it would be my job to tell you yes. Your intentions there are to help your children, which is what every mother should do. That's an excellent example of good intentions. So don't go about doing things like abandoning your children because they happen to look different or they seem like troublemakers. I don't want to have to scold a little bird like you.
. . . Creators, my first day and I've spent all this time getting lost and trying to counsel a bird. I hope no one's made any bad decisions without me.
Poll Vote!
Character: Aquaman
Series: Batman: The Brave and the Bold tv series
Character Age: HERO
Job: Official Story Teller
Canon: Batman: The Brave and the Bold is a cartoon that gets to the heart of DC Comics: how much everyone has a boner for Batman. Heroes and villains of varying degrees of popularity all get their turns either fighting with or against Batman in a show that mixes well both the early camp years and the later dark years of He Who Calls Himself The Night.
Aquaman is one of the more regularly recurring characters in this show. A far cry from his usual lackluster background self, this version of the king of Atlantis is boisterously loud, obnoxiously cheerful and more than capable of punching sharks right in the face. He loves fighting crime, telling stories and - like everyone else - pairing up with the Batman whenever possible (even if Batman would rather pretend to be near death). He'll give an outlandish title to any adventure possible, and if he can interject a loud outrageous! into a situation, he will.
Sample Post:
Ahoy there, young people of the corn lands! I, Aquaman - superhero, king of Atlantis and one of Batman's closest, most trusted friends - have come from the depths of the great blue abyss, here to save you all from a fate worse than death - boredom!
I was contacted just the other day by your fair queen, the Director Elizabeth, regarding the poor quality of entertainment around these dry parts! I call it, "The Tale of the Chloroformed Letter!" - although I am, of course, immune to anything mere seaweed produce. And while I do find booby-trapping a letter in poor taste, I was moved by its contents, a clear plea for help if I ever saw one: "congratulations, you have been promoted to OFFICIAL STORY TELLER"! Outrageous! I knew right away something was rotten in the state of where ever this place is, so I made my way here as fast as I could - for truth, justice and the sake of fun!
Which is clearly something this place has never heard of. Look at all this flat, dry land! Nary a pond or a river in sight, and do you call those trees? Those wouldn't pass for kelp down in Atlantis! And all this corn - far too much of it! It's cluttering up the landscape, completely taking over any good fighting ground! Can you bounce yourself off a stalk of corn, or punch a supervillain into it and get a good thwack sound? I think not!
Why, I can't recall the last time I ever saw such a dull, lifeless, unexciting place in my life - which reminds me of a story! I call it, "Aquaman's Most Boring Brush with Death!" There I was, standing on the flattest piece of land surrounded by corn and wheat on all sides, and deadly ninja zombies on the all the other sides when- oh, sorry, that was just a few minutes ago.
Good Poseidon's fins, this is tedious. Brace yourselves, my young chums! There's adventures to be had and by guppy, we will have them!
Poll Vote!
Character: Eeyore
Series: Winnie the Pooh
Character Age: Donkey Counselor aged.
Job: Donkeys Against Dismemberment Representative
Canon: Welcome to the Hundred-Acre wood, a forest that's home of little talking animals that spend their time growing carrots, stealing honey, and teaching kids life lessons. Winnie the Pooh is a recount of the daily adventures of a little yellow bear and his friends.
One of his friends is the grey donkey, Eeyore. He's best described as a... constant downer. He spends the majority of his time being gloomy, passive and a bit blunt. Having a party? He'll sigh about it. Made him a cake? He'll thank you, and then sigh about it. Most of his words are self-deprecating. Despite his rather cold front, he's an honestly friendly, empathetic donkey. It's not that he doesn't like friends. He's just... very incapable of finding a ray of sunshine in anything. Pessimism is just one of this donkey's specialties. The other? Losing his detachable tail.
Sample Post:
Sigh. ‘llo and good afternoon, everyone. Except maybe not, because there’s a cloud there in the distance. Look at that cloud go. Drifting through the sky, blocking out the sun, making everyone’s day a little bit less sunny. It’s like the grey Eeyore of clouds. Probably not a very good introduction, and I’m sorry you have to go through that. There were probably better donkeys to choose from than me. Green donkeys, or purple Eeyores. Eeyores that would better fit into your farm. Eeyores that wouldn’t bring clouds into your sunny days.
And now I’m rambling. I’m sorry. There are probably better Eeyores out there, that wouldn’t ramble about other things. There’s a lot to cover, and here I am wasting everyone’s time. You probably have other people to listen to. I understand if you want to kick me out. I brought a cloud into your sky, and I’ll probably bring sugar in next. Breaking smiles, and now I’m breaking rules. Why do I bother.
Now that you know about how terrible I am, this probably won’t do anything. I’m Eeyore, and I’m here on behalf of Donkeys Against Dismemberment. I’m not sure what that means, but the paper they gave me said I should talk about losing your body parts. Suppose that means I should talk about losing your body parts. You probably hear about this all the time, and you’re probably all bored already. I shouldn’t be saying this, but I guess you can drop your ears. It’s okay, I won’t take it personally. Sigh. I know I’m no good. I would drop my ears too, but I can only drop my tail. That wouldn’t do anything. Just like me.
I should probably just get to the point. I can see your eyelids dropping. Literally, even. I’m sorry. I’m just here to say that you should value your limbs. Dropping them all over the place is no good. Not that I should be telling you that. They’re your arms. They’re your legs. And no one else can tell you how to use them. You’re not even Donkeys.
I didn’t even notice. And now I lost my tail. I didn’t even notice. I guess I’ll just wait for Tuesday. Hopefully I’ll find it in the soup.
Maybe I’ll find a smile in there too.
Poll Vote!
Character: Anna “Annie” Sawyer
Series: Being Human (BBC)
Character Age: 22
Job: Superintendent for People Obliterated, Immolated,
Life-challenged, Ended, or Really Stiff
Canon: This is a world where the supernatural exists, unknown to the general public. Every species, whether mortal or not, clashes against each other to get higher up in the food chain, or to try not to get eaten. Meanwhile, in the midst of all this, a trio of spooks live together in an attempt at leading normal lives. However, they must deal with a variety of obstacles in their path that range from asking a cute girl out for lunch to vampires trying to rule the world.
Annie is a young ghost who rooms with her two friends, a vampire and a werewolf, as they attempt to live as normally as possible in a world that’s anything but. She’s a very friendly person who generally loves being around people, although she does has problems with insecurity that can negate her social attitude. Annie’s moods can range all over the spectrum; when she’s excited, she can babble until someone finally tells her to shut up, but she’s also easy to upset and anger. The smallest provocation can break her down into tears, yet she can bounce back quickly from this at times. Annie also has a tendency of making A Lot of tea, and stating very questionable and awkward jokes and phrases.
Sample Post:
Well, isn’t this exciting? Our very first counseling session with one another! I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wanted to go to camp. You know what they say, “What happens in band camp, stays in band camp”. Although I’m not entirely too sure on how much trouble you can get in at a place with a bunch of tubas. Unless you’re very horn-y. Ha ha, get it, because a tuba is a horn? Not even a chuckle? Looks like I’m being brass. Instead of brash? Still nothing? Ahem, all right, moving on.
Thinking about it, it’s not like any of that really matters here, since it’s not actually a band camp. It’s a . . . I’m sorry, but I’m not exactly sure what kind of camp this is. I assumed it was for people like us, you know, not of the living variety. But there’s plenty of non-dead people walking around. And it can’t be a summer camp, because they hired me so late. And it wouldn’t make sense to hire me at the end of summer if it’s one of those, would it? They should seriously work on their brochures or something. If I were in charge, I would-I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Let’s try to stick to business then.
According to your file you were-killed in a freak tuba accident? Seriously? Oh my God, and I was making all those jokes about that! I’m so very sorry, you must think that I’m a massive wanker right now. God, I’m not even sure why they hired me to do this, it’s not like I’m an expert at this sort of thing! I mean, who gets a dead person who doesn’t know what they’re doing to help another dead person who doesn’t know what they’re doing? All that’s being accomplished is that we’re we’re both sitting here, being dead, and possibly rotting depending on the type of dead you are. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with being the type of dead that rots, aside from the . . . well, smell. And the-on second thought, there are a lot of things wrong with it, aren’t there?
Wait, I see that I missed something. It says that you were killed in a freak tuba and zombie accident. So that makes you a . . . Oh. Well, this is awkward. I think that’s quite long enough for this session, don’t you? See you next week. And you smell lovely, by the way!
Poll Vote!