(no subject)
Hello, camp! I come bearing another dup for you.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. We're good here. Closed!
Character: Cain
Series: Utahime [ MangaUpdate link ]
Character Age: Teenagery
Canon: Some people are born kings, and some people are born songstresses. A songstress is a woman who lives her entire life singing for the protection of her village. The villagers pay her tribute, but also treat her like a commodity. So when Cain, a boy, is born a songstress, his mother tries to hide his “gift” as to not tie him down by it. Unfortunately, this leads to Cain’s sister assuming the songstress role which leads to tragedy.
Needless to say, Cain has a lot of anger. This anger is mostly a prickly covering that hides his squishy insides. While his default state of being seems to be annoyed and griping, hat’s because he’s really a sensitive guy underneath. Cain doesn’t really want the job of songstress, but there are some jobs you can’t escape.
Note: Utahime centers around Cain, but another character in the manga is Rah, the first female king. She’s a bit of a revolutionary and believes in things like rights and freedom for the songstresses.
Sample Post:
[There is a young man standing on the top of Marcy’s grain silo. He is edging away from the tentacles that are moving towards his ankles. Besides the moist slap of Marcy’s tentacles on the silo roof, there are two other sounds: the young man is muttering to himself and taking potshots at the tentacles when they get too close to him.]
If someone says something and you think it’s too good to be true, it’s too good to be true. Vacation at a rustic farm, a cabin with a view of a lake, meals provided . . . it sounded great. Too bad it was all a lie. Rah just shows up and says, “Oh, we’ve fixed everything now. You can go on a vacation, Cain! Take a break.” I can’t say no, because she is the king, but then it ends up like this! And it isn’t really her fault -- [BLAM] -- I didn’t have to believe her. It’s just that when someone like her looks so pleased with herself -- ! [He takes a break from shooting, to scrub at his face with the back of a hand and blushes.] Why does that even matter? It doesn’t matter at all! This still sucks! [With newly recovered energy he shoots some more of those tentacles.]
It just seemed so believable. I mean, who would doubt the Club For Unearthly Divas? Especially when they gave such credentials as being certified by the Verified Outstanding, Terrific, and Excellent Rating Society? They said it was the happiest place on earth. What lying bugs! If this is the happiest place on earth, then I’m a princess. [He sighs and rests the butt of the shotgun on the roof. Then he pulls a wadded up piece of scroll paper out of his pocket.]
This doesn’t even mention that Marcy has way too many hands. It just says that I should think of something to sing for her because it would be a good way to break the ice. Not that I even knew any of the songs listed. Kiss the Grill? The Wind Beneath my Tentacles? Cephalopod Whisper? That was not an invitation [BLAM] -- !!
And now I just want to go home. That’s stupid. But if I’m going to get stuck on the top of a tower, it might as well be one where there aren’t any tentacles! And believe me, home isn’t nearly as lonely as it seems. No man is an island, except when he’s on top of an octopus! I’d rather not have this kind of affection, anyway.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sollux Captor
Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps (about 13)
Series: Homestuck
Canon: Homestuck is a webc- ...Homestuck is a Fla- ... Homestuck is a webcomic/Flash animation/interactive story that follows four kids as they play a video game called Sburb. The reader or ‘player’ takes the role of these characters, ‘giving’ them their names and ‘commanding’ their actions. Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, since there’s the whole thing where the game drags them into a different universe for some vaguely-established (but guaranteed awesome) purpose. Along the way there are numerous interjections by a band of internet trolls, who also happen to be trolls by species. Trolls with horns, fangs, four kinds of romance and an issue with buckets (they’re relevant to reproduction and therefore pornographic). Trolls sure are weird!
Sollux is one of these weird trolls. He has a duality theme and appropriately has occasional moments of bipolar moodswing-related angst. However, his self-depreciation should really be the fault of his really depressing prophetic dreams rather than his hacking skills, since he is actually an awesome hacker who knows all the codes (all of them), but that's just how he is. Sollux, for the most part, is a pretty sensible and really cool kind of guy who would be really good at internet trolling if he didn't think it was childish. He's snarky, witty, intelligent and a frequent user of the good old Glasses Pull (yeeeaaaahhhhh) - even when there's no real pun to use it with. He's cool enough that it doesn't really matter. Sollux's chatroom handle is twinArmageddons (TA) and he types wiith a 2ort of lii2p two reflect how he 2peak2. This leads to those fandom doucebags making merciless jokes at his expense, but hey what can you do?
Sample Post:
--twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling campFuckudie [CF] --
TA: alriight look.
TA: whiich one of you geniiu2e2 deciided two riig thii2 fiirewall.
TA: iit’2 not even that well con2tructed a2 far a2 code2 go 2o ii have no iidea how you’re managiing two keep me out.
TA: but trappiing iit wiith a viideo viiru2?
TA: how unoriigiinal do you want two be?
TA: couldn’t even fiind 2omethiing 2atii2fyiing two trap iit wiith.
TA: just 2ome awful earth musiic, ii gue22.
TA: 2hiit ii2 liike 2iickle blade2 to my auriicular 2ponge clot2.
TA: why doe2 thii2 human giirl want one of theiir piink monkey babiie2 two hiit her one more tiime?
TA: iit ha2n’t got anythiing two do wiith the viideo at all.
TA: maybe ii’m ju2t mii22iing the poiint.
TA: 2ometiime2 ii do that.
TA: but for gog2 2ake2 2omeone get thii2 giirl a bucket and be fiinii2hed wiith iit.
TA: really when put up for comparii2on wiith siimiilar but proper viiru2e2, thii2 ii2 ju2t...
TA: paiil in comparii2on.
TA:
TA: ...wow tough crowd.
TA: ok fiine, ii can under2tand that you're probably embarra22ed that your terriible iidea of a block got poiinted out.
TA: 2o how about ii help you wiith that.
TA: iintroduce you two a tool that wiill make your enemiie2 cower iin terror.
TA: or whatever iit ii2 you want two do.
TA: thii2 ha2 been utiilii2ed iin troll 2ociiety for year2 now and ii gue22 iit'2 gettiing a biit old, but iit'2 2ure better than thii2 load of hoofbea2t excrement.
TA: so ju2t pay clo2e attentiion two what ii am about two liink you.
TA: iim 2eriious.
TA: http://i53.tinypic.com/29os8k0.gif
TA: 2ee?
TA: the mo2t u2eful tool, 2ee how much of a tool he ii2?
TA: there2 no u2e biitchiing at me now.
TA: thii2 wa2 great adviice.
TA: troll a2tley and the ricktroll are cla22iic2.
TA: can't go wrong wiith cla22iic2.
TA: have fun.
--twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling campFuckudie [CF] --
Poll Vote!
Character: Cadis Etrama Di Raizel aka Rai
Series: Noblesse
Character Age: Really old, but passing as a high school student.
Canon: Noblesse tells the story of a mysterious immortal who, after several centuries of slumber, wakes up in modern South Korea and accidentally enrolls in high school. This immortal is Cadis Etrama Di Raizel, a very pretty, very elegant, very quiet man. After being nicknamed Rai by his human classmates, Rai starts the long, arduous process of learning human culture and technology. Confused by everyday things like automatic doors, math, bananas, and ramen, he slowly tries to re-learn how to live among people while occasionally having to fend off a secret organization that experiments on humans.
Rai is ridiculously old and the origin of most, if not all, mythos dealing in the supernatural. Despite his age and power, though, he remains humble and aloof. He is extremely comfortable just going along with his human classmates and doing whatever they feel like doing; he rarely speaks and is pretty much unruffable unless his human friends are put in danger. When that happens, all bets are off and the likelihood of the attacker being completely destroyed is extremely high. You see, Rai is also very kind; he loves humans and will act as their protector. For him, the phrase noblesse oblige -nobility obliges, with power comes responsibility- is something to live by.
Rai is telepathic and can use this power to control others. He only speaks when it is absolutely necessary; even then, his sentences are short and to the point. The app is written to reflect these mannerisms.
Sample Post:
[It's a lovely afternoon in Camp Fuck You Die, and by Marcy's silo there is a large box. The box opens seemingly by itself. Four long, elegant fingers curl around the edge of it. Slowly, a dark-haired man--no older than twenty--sits up and looks around to survey the area.
Cows moo, birds chirp, purple gorillas gorge themselves on corn, several zombies clad in overalls mosey about demanding brains. It's obvious that he's not in Korea anymore, but the man seems unruffled. After a minute, the man stands up from the box and spreads his arms. Before, he was wearing a formal school uniform: white jacket, blue button-down shirt, gray pants; but as soon as his arms are spread, his shirt turns plaid, and his uniform becomes an impeccable denim overall.
He smiles, seemingly pleased. Then he looks up as one of the zombies approaches him, groaning and waving. After a minute the zombie's arm falls off, and the man simply continues to watch as it shuffles to pick up its limb. It takes awhile for it to finally reinsert its arm; afterward, it shuffles off and the man follows.
There is a sound that would have been a scream had it come from the living, followed by a grunt. The newcomer and his zombie companion turn back to see a tremendous purple gorilla climbing Marcy's silo holding a distressed undead maiden. The man walks calmly towards the silo and looks up.]
Come down.
[The gorilla looks puzzled for an instant before climbing down. Once it touches the ground, it glares at the man.]
Release her.
[The zombie maiden is released. She picks up her skirts and shuffles away from the gorilla, throwing herself to the comforting arms-- arm of the original zombie companion. The gorilla growls angrily, threateningly, and raises!! a fist!!1--]
Return to your own kind.
[after a second, the gorilla shakes its head and walks off obediently. The man turns back to the zombies.]
Ramen.
[looking as confused as zombies are capable of looking, they both point towards the Mess Hall. The man bows his head slightly, in acknowledgment and smirks as he walks there.]
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Name: Vanitas
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
Age: appears teenaged
Canon:Long before Sora ever picked up his Keyblade, there existed a school where Keyblade Master hopefuls trained vigorously, trying to earn the honor of being named best of the best. Birth by Sleep follows the weaving, interconnected story of three such world-hopping, eager students -- Terra, Aqua and Ventus -- as they use the power of light to battle the darkness both inside themselves and out. Guided by hope and friendship, they do what they think is best to make the worlds they visit a better place, ultimately setting the stage for those whose roles would come later.
Playing opposite to these Heroes of Light, Vanitas exists almost exclusively to cause upset and turmoil. A being of pure darkness, his defining trait is negativity -- and he's pretty okay with that! His role is to act as a lure, spreading negative emotions from world to world, combined with some good, old-fashioned hero-baiting. He plants doubt and likes to put people immediately on the defensive. His taunting and goading usually takes the form of short, uncomplicated sentences that are a mix of vague, ominous threats, rhetorical questions and what might sound like brutal honesty. Don't be fooled by that: He's nothing but a troll, who wants you to feel bad about yourself. Vanitas has a dry, unflappable attitude and practically oozes the notion that he's too-cool-for-school -- though not too cool to school you. If there's one thing that annoys Vanitas, it's people not realizing their full potential -- and he's willing to kill you, no matter how special you are, if you don't make the grade.
Sample:
Oh, come on, Camp Fuck U Die. I thought this place was supposed be pretty out there, but if this is all you've got? Pathetic. You should really be ashamed -- I'm almost ashamed for you, looking at this place. Just the same tired ideas, recycled over and over. It's obvious: you're all trapped here, inside your own little world, telling yourselves you're the best there is. Grow up. While you're busy congratulating yourselves, there are whole other worlds out there, where things are actually happening. The truth is, the life's gone out of this place -- and I don't just mean the zombies. Everyone with half a brain jumped ship a long time ago. They've moved on without you, to see what other, better things they could be doing with their lives. It's just the natural way of things, isn't it? And you're all just sitting here, waiting for everything to be brilliant again. Nothing will ever change if you can't at least be honest about how sad that is.
As for those of you who are left? Has-beens that used to be popular, abandoned and forgotten for the newer, younger crowd -- nobody even remembers why they liked you in the first place. Yesterday's heroes are today's garbage, and you couldn't smell worse if you were the ones around here rotting. And the new kids -- you know most of you are just shallow replacements to those people who've gone, right? You've got nerve, thinking you can fill those shoes, so I have to give you credit for that -- even if we both know that isn't really enough. Whatever friends you even have left would be happier without you dragging them down. You're probably more of a burden than anybody's willing to say -- to your face, anyway. The truth is, they're waiting for the day they can replace you.
Before you get mad at me, why don't you try taking a look at yourselves. You don't think you actually deserve to be here, do you? Just because you passed one little test that you probably didn't even start thinking about until the night before? Please. So you impressed a group of people who wouldn't know skill if it tripped them down the stairs. If you ask me, a real test would be making you go head to head -- no do-overs, no limits, and definitely no more of this all-in crap. Then you'll see what your precious friendships are worth. Sure, it might be hard on you at first -- watching your so-called friends grind the life out of each other -- but that's the price you pay, if you really think you deserve your spot.
I've changed my mind: you are rotten; this whole place is. But even worse than that? You're boring me to death. So from now on, I'm going to be checking up on your activity. Every last person. Every week. No excuses accepted. And why shouldn't I? Somebody's gonna have to make sure you losers get in shape, and I don't see a single person here who's more qualified than me. If you're not going to do anything but squat around here, then what's the point of keeping you around at all? This ain't gonna cut it, no matter how you look at it. If you're going to exist, you might as well try and actually be a little interesting. And if you can't meet at least a minimum standard, then you'll have to be cut. And that's not just an idle threat anymore.
Applicant #2
Character: Vanitas
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
Character Age: Chronologically, less than a year old. Physically, 14-16.
Canon: Kingdom Hearts is the crack lovechild of Square Enix and Disney that follows a young boy named Sora around various Disney and non-Disney worlds as he beats up evil with a special giant key-shaped weapon called a Keyblade. Birth by Sleep is the prequel to Sora’s story featuring not one but three Keyblade-toting kids as they attempt to defeat the evil plaguing their universe.
The main evildoers are an old man named Xehanort and his pet companion Vanitas. Vanitas’ job is to irritate the hell out of the good guys in whatever way he sees fit. He usually accomplishes this by periodically provoking them and either kicking their asses or getting his own ass kicked and then bailing.
Vanitas is probably the only true evil person in Birth by Sleep. He’s literally darkness in physical form and his personality is made of negatives--he’s sadistic, cruel, uncaring, self-centered, and probably a little insane. He doesn’t get visibly mad unless things really aren’t going his way, and while he doesn’ t have a short fuse, he’s prone to attacking without warning.
Sample Post:
I’m here, but this isn’t the world I’m supposed to be on. Don’t even know what it is or how exactly I got here. But I think I’d know if I wanted to end up in the middle of a giant corn maze overrun with strange birds and the undead.
Cut out the staring, birds, unless you’re going to do something useful as well. Not that I really need your help, I’m going to leave this place just as soon as--
--What do you mean ‘good luck trying’? I’m not trying, I’m leaving. Idiot birds...I don’t need escorts. Definitely not bird escorts. And you can get off my shoulders, too--you’re not getting free rides Squawking at me ain’t gonna change my mind, so go away.
Oh, you’re mad at me now? Haha, that’s fine, but don’t plan on winning if you want to fight. I don’t normally fight birds, but I can make a special exception for you.
Or not. Losers. I’m leaving this place.
...This isn’t where I was trying to go either. It’s the same place...I can see the maze I was just trapped in. This world must wreck havoc with portals if I’m being prevented from leaving. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stick around and check the place out as long as I’m stuck here…
…Ah, a sign.
‘Welcome to Camp Fuck You Darkness’? Oh come on, is that supposed to be a threat? I’m not stupid, I can see the replaced word has been scratched out. You can do better than that.
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me why I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. We're good here. Closed!
Character: Cain
Series: Utahime [ MangaUpdate link ]
Character Age: Teenagery
Canon: Some people are born kings, and some people are born songstresses. A songstress is a woman who lives her entire life singing for the protection of her village. The villagers pay her tribute, but also treat her like a commodity. So when Cain, a boy, is born a songstress, his mother tries to hide his “gift” as to not tie him down by it. Unfortunately, this leads to Cain’s sister assuming the songstress role which leads to tragedy.
Needless to say, Cain has a lot of anger. This anger is mostly a prickly covering that hides his squishy insides. While his default state of being seems to be annoyed and griping, hat’s because he’s really a sensitive guy underneath. Cain doesn’t really want the job of songstress, but there are some jobs you can’t escape.
Note: Utahime centers around Cain, but another character in the manga is Rah, the first female king. She’s a bit of a revolutionary and believes in things like rights and freedom for the songstresses.
Sample Post:
[There is a young man standing on the top of Marcy’s grain silo. He is edging away from the tentacles that are moving towards his ankles. Besides the moist slap of Marcy’s tentacles on the silo roof, there are two other sounds: the young man is muttering to himself and taking potshots at the tentacles when they get too close to him.]
If someone says something and you think it’s too good to be true, it’s too good to be true. Vacation at a rustic farm, a cabin with a view of a lake, meals provided . . . it sounded great. Too bad it was all a lie. Rah just shows up and says, “Oh, we’ve fixed everything now. You can go on a vacation, Cain! Take a break.” I can’t say no, because she is the king, but then it ends up like this! And it isn’t really her fault -- [BLAM] -- I didn’t have to believe her. It’s just that when someone like her looks so pleased with herself -- ! [He takes a break from shooting, to scrub at his face with the back of a hand and blushes.] Why does that even matter? It doesn’t matter at all! This still sucks! [With newly recovered energy he shoots some more of those tentacles.]
It just seemed so believable. I mean, who would doubt the Club For Unearthly Divas? Especially when they gave such credentials as being certified by the Verified Outstanding, Terrific, and Excellent Rating Society? They said it was the happiest place on earth. What lying bugs! If this is the happiest place on earth, then I’m a princess. [He sighs and rests the butt of the shotgun on the roof. Then he pulls a wadded up piece of scroll paper out of his pocket.]
This doesn’t even mention that Marcy has way too many hands. It just says that I should think of something to sing for her because it would be a good way to break the ice. Not that I even knew any of the songs listed. Kiss the Grill? The Wind Beneath my Tentacles? Cephalopod Whisper? That was not an invitation [BLAM] -- !!
And now I just want to go home. That’s stupid. But if I’m going to get stuck on the top of a tower, it might as well be one where there aren’t any tentacles! And believe me, home isn’t nearly as lonely as it seems. No man is an island, except when he’s on top of an octopus! I’d rather not have this kind of affection, anyway.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sollux Captor
Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps (about 13)
Series: Homestuck
Canon: Homestuck is a webc- ...Homestuck is a Fla- ... Homestuck is a webcomic/Flash animation/interactive story that follows four kids as they play a video game called Sburb. The reader or ‘player’ takes the role of these characters, ‘giving’ them their names and ‘commanding’ their actions. Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, since there’s the whole thing where the game drags them into a different universe for some vaguely-established (but guaranteed awesome) purpose. Along the way there are numerous interjections by a band of internet trolls, who also happen to be trolls by species. Trolls with horns, fangs, four kinds of romance and an issue with buckets (they’re relevant to reproduction and therefore pornographic). Trolls sure are weird!
Sollux is one of these weird trolls. He has a duality theme and appropriately has occasional moments of bipolar moodswing-related angst. However, his self-depreciation should really be the fault of his really depressing prophetic dreams rather than his hacking skills, since he is actually an awesome hacker who knows all the codes (all of them), but that's just how he is. Sollux, for the most part, is a pretty sensible and really cool kind of guy who would be really good at internet trolling if he didn't think it was childish. He's snarky, witty, intelligent and a frequent user of the good old Glasses Pull (yeeeaaaahhhhh) - even when there's no real pun to use it with. He's cool enough that it doesn't really matter. Sollux's chatroom handle is twinArmageddons (TA) and he types wiith a 2ort of lii2p two reflect how he 2peak2. This leads to those fandom doucebags making merciless jokes at his expense, but hey what can you do?
Sample Post:
--twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling campFuckudie [CF] --
TA: alriight look.
TA: whiich one of you geniiu2e2 deciided two riig thii2 fiirewall.
TA: iit’2 not even that well con2tructed a2 far a2 code2 go 2o ii have no iidea how you’re managiing two keep me out.
TA: but trappiing iit wiith a viideo viiru2?
TA: how unoriigiinal do you want two be?
TA: couldn’t even fiind 2omethiing 2atii2fyiing two trap iit wiith.
TA: just 2ome awful earth musiic, ii gue22.
TA: 2hiit ii2 liike 2iickle blade2 to my auriicular 2ponge clot2.
TA: why doe2 thii2 human giirl want one of theiir piink monkey babiie2 two hiit her one more tiime?
TA: iit ha2n’t got anythiing two do wiith the viideo at all.
TA: maybe ii’m ju2t mii22iing the poiint.
TA: 2ometiime2 ii do that.
TA: but for gog2 2ake2 2omeone get thii2 giirl a bucket and be fiinii2hed wiith iit.
TA: really when put up for comparii2on wiith siimiilar but proper viiru2e2, thii2 ii2 ju2t...
TA: paiil in comparii2on.
TA:
TA: ...wow tough crowd.
TA: ok fiine, ii can under2tand that you're probably embarra22ed that your terriible iidea of a block got poiinted out.
TA: 2o how about ii help you wiith that.
TA: iintroduce you two a tool that wiill make your enemiie2 cower iin terror.
TA: or whatever iit ii2 you want two do.
TA: thii2 ha2 been utiilii2ed iin troll 2ociiety for year2 now and ii gue22 iit'2 gettiing a biit old, but iit'2 2ure better than thii2 load of hoofbea2t excrement.
TA: so ju2t pay clo2e attentiion two what ii am about two liink you.
TA: iim 2eriious.
TA: http://i53.tinypic.com/29os8k0.gif
TA: 2ee?
TA: the mo2t u2eful tool, 2ee how much of a tool he ii2?
TA: there2 no u2e biitchiing at me now.
TA: thii2 wa2 great adviice.
TA: troll a2tley and the ricktroll are cla22iic2.
TA: can't go wrong wiith cla22iic2.
TA: have fun.
--twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling campFuckudie [CF] --
Poll Vote!
Character: Cadis Etrama Di Raizel aka Rai
Series: Noblesse
Character Age: Really old, but passing as a high school student.
Canon: Noblesse tells the story of a mysterious immortal who, after several centuries of slumber, wakes up in modern South Korea and accidentally enrolls in high school. This immortal is Cadis Etrama Di Raizel, a very pretty, very elegant, very quiet man. After being nicknamed Rai by his human classmates, Rai starts the long, arduous process of learning human culture and technology. Confused by everyday things like automatic doors, math, bananas, and ramen, he slowly tries to re-learn how to live among people while occasionally having to fend off a secret organization that experiments on humans.
Rai is ridiculously old and the origin of most, if not all, mythos dealing in the supernatural. Despite his age and power, though, he remains humble and aloof. He is extremely comfortable just going along with his human classmates and doing whatever they feel like doing; he rarely speaks and is pretty much unruffable unless his human friends are put in danger. When that happens, all bets are off and the likelihood of the attacker being completely destroyed is extremely high. You see, Rai is also very kind; he loves humans and will act as their protector. For him, the phrase noblesse oblige -nobility obliges, with power comes responsibility- is something to live by.
Rai is telepathic and can use this power to control others. He only speaks when it is absolutely necessary; even then, his sentences are short and to the point. The app is written to reflect these mannerisms.
Sample Post:
[It's a lovely afternoon in Camp Fuck You Die, and by Marcy's silo there is a large box. The box opens seemingly by itself. Four long, elegant fingers curl around the edge of it. Slowly, a dark-haired man--no older than twenty--sits up and looks around to survey the area.
Cows moo, birds chirp, purple gorillas gorge themselves on corn, several zombies clad in overalls mosey about demanding brains. It's obvious that he's not in Korea anymore, but the man seems unruffled. After a minute, the man stands up from the box and spreads his arms. Before, he was wearing a formal school uniform: white jacket, blue button-down shirt, gray pants; but as soon as his arms are spread, his shirt turns plaid, and his uniform becomes an impeccable denim overall.
He smiles, seemingly pleased. Then he looks up as one of the zombies approaches him, groaning and waving. After a minute the zombie's arm falls off, and the man simply continues to watch as it shuffles to pick up its limb. It takes awhile for it to finally reinsert its arm; afterward, it shuffles off and the man follows.
There is a sound that would have been a scream had it come from the living, followed by a grunt. The newcomer and his zombie companion turn back to see a tremendous purple gorilla climbing Marcy's silo holding a distressed undead maiden. The man walks calmly towards the silo and looks up.]
Come down.
[The gorilla looks puzzled for an instant before climbing down. Once it touches the ground, it glares at the man.]
Release her.
[The zombie maiden is released. She picks up her skirts and shuffles away from the gorilla, throwing herself to the comforting arms-- arm of the original zombie companion. The gorilla growls angrily, threateningly, and raises!! a fist!!1--]
Return to your own kind.
[after a second, the gorilla shakes its head and walks off obediently. The man turns back to the zombies.]
Ramen.
[looking as confused as zombies are capable of looking, they both point towards the Mess Hall. The man bows his head slightly, in acknowledgment and smirks as he walks there.]
Poll Vote!
Applicant #1
Name: Vanitas
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
Age: appears teenaged
Canon:Long before Sora ever picked up his Keyblade, there existed a school where Keyblade Master hopefuls trained vigorously, trying to earn the honor of being named best of the best. Birth by Sleep follows the weaving, interconnected story of three such world-hopping, eager students -- Terra, Aqua and Ventus -- as they use the power of light to battle the darkness both inside themselves and out. Guided by hope and friendship, they do what they think is best to make the worlds they visit a better place, ultimately setting the stage for those whose roles would come later.
Playing opposite to these Heroes of Light, Vanitas exists almost exclusively to cause upset and turmoil. A being of pure darkness, his defining trait is negativity -- and he's pretty okay with that! His role is to act as a lure, spreading negative emotions from world to world, combined with some good, old-fashioned hero-baiting. He plants doubt and likes to put people immediately on the defensive. His taunting and goading usually takes the form of short, uncomplicated sentences that are a mix of vague, ominous threats, rhetorical questions and what might sound like brutal honesty. Don't be fooled by that: He's nothing but a troll, who wants you to feel bad about yourself. Vanitas has a dry, unflappable attitude and practically oozes the notion that he's too-cool-for-school -- though not too cool to school you. If there's one thing that annoys Vanitas, it's people not realizing their full potential -- and he's willing to kill you, no matter how special you are, if you don't make the grade.
Sample:
Oh, come on, Camp Fuck U Die. I thought this place was supposed be pretty out there, but if this is all you've got? Pathetic. You should really be ashamed -- I'm almost ashamed for you, looking at this place. Just the same tired ideas, recycled over and over. It's obvious: you're all trapped here, inside your own little world, telling yourselves you're the best there is. Grow up. While you're busy congratulating yourselves, there are whole other worlds out there, where things are actually happening. The truth is, the life's gone out of this place -- and I don't just mean the zombies. Everyone with half a brain jumped ship a long time ago. They've moved on without you, to see what other, better things they could be doing with their lives. It's just the natural way of things, isn't it? And you're all just sitting here, waiting for everything to be brilliant again. Nothing will ever change if you can't at least be honest about how sad that is.
As for those of you who are left? Has-beens that used to be popular, abandoned and forgotten for the newer, younger crowd -- nobody even remembers why they liked you in the first place. Yesterday's heroes are today's garbage, and you couldn't smell worse if you were the ones around here rotting. And the new kids -- you know most of you are just shallow replacements to those people who've gone, right? You've got nerve, thinking you can fill those shoes, so I have to give you credit for that -- even if we both know that isn't really enough. Whatever friends you even have left would be happier without you dragging them down. You're probably more of a burden than anybody's willing to say -- to your face, anyway. The truth is, they're waiting for the day they can replace you.
Before you get mad at me, why don't you try taking a look at yourselves. You don't think you actually deserve to be here, do you? Just because you passed one little test that you probably didn't even start thinking about until the night before? Please. So you impressed a group of people who wouldn't know skill if it tripped them down the stairs. If you ask me, a real test would be making you go head to head -- no do-overs, no limits, and definitely no more of this all-in crap. Then you'll see what your precious friendships are worth. Sure, it might be hard on you at first -- watching your so-called friends grind the life out of each other -- but that's the price you pay, if you really think you deserve your spot.
I've changed my mind: you are rotten; this whole place is. But even worse than that? You're boring me to death. So from now on, I'm going to be checking up on your activity. Every last person. Every week. No excuses accepted. And why shouldn't I? Somebody's gonna have to make sure you losers get in shape, and I don't see a single person here who's more qualified than me. If you're not going to do anything but squat around here, then what's the point of keeping you around at all? This ain't gonna cut it, no matter how you look at it. If you're going to exist, you might as well try and actually be a little interesting. And if you can't meet at least a minimum standard, then you'll have to be cut. And that's not just an idle threat anymore.
Applicant #2
Character: Vanitas
Series: Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep
Character Age: Chronologically, less than a year old. Physically, 14-16.
Canon: Kingdom Hearts is the crack lovechild of Square Enix and Disney that follows a young boy named Sora around various Disney and non-Disney worlds as he beats up evil with a special giant key-shaped weapon called a Keyblade. Birth by Sleep is the prequel to Sora’s story featuring not one but three Keyblade-toting kids as they attempt to defeat the evil plaguing their universe.
The main evildoers are an old man named Xehanort and his pet companion Vanitas. Vanitas’ job is to irritate the hell out of the good guys in whatever way he sees fit. He usually accomplishes this by periodically provoking them and either kicking their asses or getting his own ass kicked and then bailing.
Vanitas is probably the only true evil person in Birth by Sleep. He’s literally darkness in physical form and his personality is made of negatives--he’s sadistic, cruel, uncaring, self-centered, and probably a little insane. He doesn’t get visibly mad unless things really aren’t going his way, and while he doesn’ t have a short fuse, he’s prone to attacking without warning.
Sample Post:
I’m here, but this isn’t the world I’m supposed to be on. Don’t even know what it is or how exactly I got here. But I think I’d know if I wanted to end up in the middle of a giant corn maze overrun with strange birds and the undead.
Cut out the staring, birds, unless you’re going to do something useful as well. Not that I really need your help, I’m going to leave this place just as soon as--
--What do you mean ‘good luck trying’? I’m not trying, I’m leaving. Idiot birds...I don’t need escorts. Definitely not bird escorts. And you can get off my shoulders, too--you’re not getting free rides Squawking at me ain’t gonna change my mind, so go away.
Oh, you’re mad at me now? Haha, that’s fine, but don’t plan on winning if you want to fight. I don’t normally fight birds, but I can make a special exception for you.
Or not. Losers. I’m leaving this place.
...This isn’t where I was trying to go either. It’s the same place...I can see the maze I was just trapped in. This world must wreck havoc with portals if I’m being prevented from leaving. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stick around and check the place out as long as I’m stuck here…
…Ah, a sign.
‘Welcome to Camp Fuck You Darkness’? Oh come on, is that supposed to be a threat? I’m not stupid, I can see the replaced word has been scratched out. You can do better than that.
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