(no subject)
Third round! Vote on the previous batch too! We need all of your votes.
All of them.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Name: Vanitas
Canon: Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
Age: Darkness (teenage)
Canon:Kingdom Hearts is a story about friendship, angst, light, darkness, nonexistence, Disney, and zippers. Vanitas is unique in this convoluted story in that he actually has NO shades of gray whatsoever; he’s literally a being of pure, malignant darkness given physical form. Wielding his own creepy Keyblade, Vanitas travels across many worlds, unleashing waves of creatures called Unversed wherever he goes. Created by Vanitas’ own irregular existence and negative emotions, the Unversed cause terror and mayhem throughout the land, seemingly for no reason than Vanitas’ shits and giggles.
But beneath this mysterious boy’s mask lies a dark secret: He’s actually Haley Joel Osment the dark half of a Keyblade wielder named Ventus, literally ripped out of the puppy-like warrior’s heart. This gives him the appearance of another famous Keyblade wielder for reasons too complicated to get into now. He exists for the sole purpose of fighting Ventus until the pure light and darkness of their half-hearts combine to form the X-Blade, a weapon of incomparable power that can bring the Keyblade War back into play.
There are no positive sides to Vanitas’ personality. He’s a sadist, an egotist, a narcissist, and absolutely insane. He takes pride in his virtual invincibility and causing as much pain and misfortune as he can, especially to Ventus. He loves fighting others to prove his strength, and even when beaten he laughs it off. He’s an abomination, a blight upon the World, and won’t stop until he has what he wants.
Sample Post:
So, this is Camp Fuck You Die. I like the name! Most worlds tend to have pretentious names like “Castle of Dreams” and “Enchanted Dominion” and “Happy Super Funland!” But this one comes right out and tells you what it’s all about. Too bad it’s so completely boring. There’s too much corn and not enough corpses. Give me something I can kill!
...are you kidding me? These things have already been killed! I don’t clean up other people’s messes, walking or otherwise. ..hmm, but by the way these cannibals are looking at me, they don’t think I’ll get out alive. Huh? You want a bite of my heart tonight? Heh. Heh! Hahahahaha, that’s hilarious! Even if you could take me down, you wouldn’t even get a full meal! Well then, you cheeky wastes of flesh, what are you waiting for? Dinner is served!
*horrible squelching noises*
Huh? That’s it? Pitiful. And the Master said it was supposed to be ‘extra scary’ this time of year. I knew I should’ve gone to that pumpkin world for training. If I have to spend months fighting these ‘Brainless’ creatures then by the time I get out I’ll be even weaker than that failure I have to fight. I guess I’ll have to settle for the actual campers. Which is fine by me! I’m sure there’s a ton of incredibly powerful Brainless beings in this dump. I’ll leave this place a barren wasteland, with nothing but Darkness to welcome future occupants to their summer vacation! This is the beginning of the end for Camp Fuck You Die!
...huh? What’re these things? A bunch of fruity jungle animals? Wait, did that toucan just speak? Oh, I’m sorry, a bunch of fruity, LOOPY animals. Thanks for the correction. Now, follow your nose to this.
Poll Vote!
Character: John Egbert (screen name ectoBiologist)
Series: Homestuck
Age: 13
Canon: The long awaited computer game Sburb is finally in beta -- and John Egbert just got his copy in the mail! This immersive multiplayer game allows one player to actually change and rebuild another player's house! But Sburb is much more than it seems. Meteors are falling all around John's house, and using the tools Sburb gives him, he only barely manages to teleport himself and his house away to another universe -- the "Medium" -- in time. That's the premise of Homestuck, a webcomic by Andrew Hussie. Now John and his three friends have to build each other's houses higher and higher, fight imps and other monsters bent on their demise, deal with a bunch of angry internet trolls, and unravel the mysteries of Sburb and the Medium. And that's before we start getting into Weird Time Shit™.
When we're first introduced to John at the beginning of the comic, he seems for all the world like a dorky, goofy-looking kid with big glasses and big teeth. And that's pretty much what he is, to be honest! He's cheerful and friendly, though he can get easily frustrated. He enjoys terrible movies, practices amateur magic and plays pranks, fusses with his annoying inventory system... He's definitely the most "normal" out of his group of friends. But though he can act a bit dumb sometimes, he's actually pretty clever. Through experimenting with an item-combining system that's part of Sburb, he's made himself some really powerful equipment.
In the end, John's greatest strength and weakness is his heart, which is as big as all outdoors. He's caring and trusting, and he understands his friends and how they tick. But he can be too trusting at times -- he dies in an alternate timeline thanks to taking one of the trolls' advice. He's a nice kid, but he's pretty gullible. But in trusting the trolls, he seems to be winning some of them over... SO IN SUMMARY: bluh bluh huge derp.
Note: upon entering the Medium, each player eventually discovers their own personal Land, populated by a different kind of consort (friendly NPCs). For example, John's is the Land of Wind and Shale, occupied by friendly salamanders. Also, Homestuck is full of silly video game-esque abstractions; the Prankster's Gambit and Health Vial are two examples.
Sample Post:
-- ectoBiologist [EB] pestered all chums [TT, TG, GG] --
EB: hey, are you guys there? i could use a hand!
EB: i'm definitely lost, that last gate took me to some weird place i don't recognize.
EB: i think i'm going to call it the "land of corn and zombies".
EB: because that's all there is here.
EB: seriously. i checked.
EB: anyway, i can't find a return gate anywhere, so i need you guys to come help me search.
EB: hope to see you soon!
EB: (hehehehe)
Perfect! They'll never suspect a thing. Hey, thanks again for helping me with this prank setup. Who would've thought the consorts of this land would be such a fun-loving bunch? And cute, too, with the fur and dangly pompoms and all! I think Jade especially is going to like you all.
I wonder if this is her land, though? Last thing I remember, I was just getting ready to bring her into the Medium... but I've got the server program running right here, and it won't connect to her! I hope she's okay... We've got to work as a team if we're gonna save this game after all. ...What's that? Oh, that's not quite what I meant by "save"...
Anyway, I got distracted, didn't I? I still have to tell you guys how this prank works! I've got time while we wait for the server program to connect. See, it's based on the classic bucket-on-the-door trick, but since we're in a farm, I decided to improvise a little. When one of my friends comes through those barn doors, the barrel will come down and cover them in green slime! Just like those old Nick shows, hee hee. And of course the barrel's roped up so it won't fall all the way. I want to take points off of Prankster's Gambits, not Health Vials!
Shh, shh, someone's coming! Wait for it, wait for it... Ha! ...Uh, that's not one of my friends. That's some kind of giant... gorilla thing? Whoa, hey, guys, don't just run off and leave me -- oh boy. Uh, hi! Look, no hard feelings, okay? It was just a little prank, really! Green looks good on you anyway! You look... Hey, wait... You know, you look familiar, somehow. Like I've seen you somewhere before...
That's it! You were an extra in the Mighty Joe Young remake! Oh, man, can I get your autograph? So cool.
Poll Vote!
Character: Terezi Pyrope
Series: MSPaintAdventures: Homestuck
Character Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps (approximately thirteen Earth years)
Canon: Terezi Pyrope is a troll. Troll by personality. Troll by vocation. Troll by species. You see, she hails from the planet Alternia, where all children are raised by a guardian monster, blood color dictates caste, and mutual hatred is a perfectly valid basis for friendship. In fact, in the Alternian tongue, there are no separate words for friend and enemy. That's just the kind of species they are. But hey, the being raised by a monster thing can come in handy sometimes. Especially for Terezi, who is blind as one of your Earth-cave dwelling nocturnal flapbeasts. Luckily for her, her monster guardian is a psychic dragon who taught her to replace vision with a kind of extra-sensory synethesia through which she tastes the colors of the world around her. How this allows her to use chat-programs and photoshop, none can say.
Troll sensory organs sure are weird!
Besides occasionally TMI descriptions of everything she tastesees, Terezi’s other interests include playing headgames with anyone and everyone, pretending to be a kitten-eating dragon on the Internet, and gleefully orchestrating the demise of the wicked. Wicked here meaning “anyone who’s crossed her” “folk who kind of seem like douchebags” and, if she’s bored enough, pretty much anyone or anything. If there are no other playmates available, plushies can make great defendants! Hey, after all, if she wants to be a real LEGISLACERATOR some day, it’s important to get in lots of practice at being prosecutor, witness and executioner now, right?
A note: T3R3Z1 SP34KS 1N T34L, US1NG TH3 NUM3R4LS OF THE BL1ND PROPH3T. H3R TR4D1T1ON4L FORM4TT1NG H4S B33N FORGON3 1N TH1S 4PP FOR TH3 S4K3 OF R34D4B1L1TY. YOU'R3 W3LCOM3.
Sample:
Ladies and gentletrolls of the court. We stand today to pass righteous and judgeful judgement on this most despicable of transgressors, Sir Squishymeats von Rothuman. Though his flesh may be a succulent grubstew green, his heart is dark as raisins, twice as wrinkly, and not nearly as delicious. He is the transgressiest. He has committed all of the transgressions. All of them. But more specifically, he has attempted to feast on the brains of another, without filling out a single one of the proper Brain Consumption Forms, let alone in triplicate. In the words of the Earth Dude’s Ball Rolling Compatriot, from that one film by the Coen Humans, this aggression will not stand.
The punishment, of course, is death.
We will begin with the traditional questioning.
But-but what is this!? Your honor, lady- and gentletrolls, witness the impudence! The insolence! The total disregard for the entire judicial process!
Sir Squishymeats von Rothuman is too permeable of flesh to be slapped into submission. See here, just as the prosecution was beginning to question him (with, of course, a perfectly legal regimen of open-handed slaps), large chunks of his flesh have come off on my hand! If it so pleases your honor, the prosecution moves that he be held in contempt of the court for over-ripeness, and that the questioning process continues, using one of his own arms to beat him with.
Hooray! His honor says yes. So if you’ll just give me that we can-
Wow, it all just kinda popped out, huh?
All of those . . .
Brightly colored . . .
Color organs . . .
Makes me want to . . .
. . .
The prosecution has a correction to make to the court records. Please, let the records show that while still not as wrinkly, Sir von Rothuman’s heart is indeed quite comparable to raisins in terms of deliciousness.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sieg
Series: Suikoden Tierkreis
Character Age: 15
Canon: If you're used to the good old Suikoden games, you're up for a surprise with Tierkreis. Set in a completely different universe than the other games, Tierkreis explores the idea of many parallel worlds and tells of the struggles of the 108 Stars of Destiny against the Order of the One True Way; a powerful religious organization whose followers believe in a pre-determined future that nobody should fight against. As they try to gain more influence and conquer other countries in an attempt to force them to follow their beliefs, they cross paths with a group of young people from the small Citro Village who, thanks to the power of the Marks of the Stars, are finally able to hold their own against them.
The leader of the group is Sieg, a young boy whose motto "you never know unless you try" is directly in contrast with the Order's. Rather hot-headed and always energetic, Sieg is the kind of person who just can't stay still for a minute and needs to do something no matter what-- all the more so if he's witnessing injustice. Always ready to give a hand to anyone in need, he's someone who acts first and asks questions later, if at all. Although he may be a helplessly optimistic boy, he possesses the kind of charisma that make people want to believe in him despite everything. All in all, Sieg is a kind person who always gives his all in everything he does, and even if he tends to be too naive at times, he has a very strong personality that makes him able to withstand the many tragedies of the war.
Note: In Suikoden Tierkreis most people can travel between parallel worlds through "gates", Sieg, however, is unable to.
Sample:
Okay, this place ain't half-bad. Not really what I expected from another world, but better than nothing. Looking at it this place has its own charm, huh? I mean, come on, it's a whole different world! I didn't even think I was gonna find a way to visit one anytime soon, so I gotta be thankful for this chance, I guess. It's just... well, okay, I don't wanna sound picky, but seriously, that monster on top of the silo looks kinda freaky. It doesn't really help that a parrot just came at me sayin' to stay outta the way of that thing. I don't really feel up for some hot tentacle lovin', whatever that's supposed to mean.
Monster on the silo aside, I guess I can give this place props for being interesting. I haven't really seen everything around yet, but it looks like there's tons of strange animals and they're pretty cool! The people are a different story though. I gotta say I'm kinda surprised all of them look like zombies, but hey, I ain't one to judge. Guess rotting meat must be the latest fad here, huh? As long as they're still up and running, it's no problem. It'd be better if they could do something for that smell, but can't really complain about a world that's not even my own. And either way it could be just this city, right? I'm gonna look around and see if I see something different.
But first things first, before I consider spending any more time here, I should go look for the Gate I came from. Now that I think about it, this whole thing is kind of a mess. I sure ain't no expert on world hopping, but I thought I was gonna stay conscious while traveling to another world. I wonder why I ended up getting knocked out and waking up in a cornfield? Oh well, no use thinking about it now. If I wanna get something done, I better start walking. I wonder if there's a map or somethin' around here? Guess I'm gonna ask one of those zombies where I can find one since it'd be the quickest way. Hey, uhm... you with the lipstick? Though man that sure looks like blood. Ehm, anyway -I'm kinda lost here, mind giving me some directions? Just somewhere I can find a map will do. -Is "brains" all you people here can say? I'm startin' to think I should just stick to the parrots and talk with them. Can you at least point me to something useful or whatever? Thanks.
-Woah, wait a minute here! I know that weird big stone over there. Is that this world's Tablet of Destiny? No, there's something different written in there. "CFUD Network" ... I wonder what you do with that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kiriya Kyousuke
Series: Kamen Rider Hibiki
Character Age: around 15
Canon: Drums, trumpets, and guitars, oh my! In Kamen Rider Hibiki, specially trained humans named Oni fight the Makamou, who have been trying for centuries to destroy humanity. The story focuses on Adachi Asumu, just finishing middle school and starting high school, as he becomes involved in the Onis' fights, and in particular, the life and adventures of Hibiki, a taiko (drum) Oni who saves him from a Makamou.
Kiriya Kyousuke is better than you - or at least that's what he'd like you to believe. While exceedingly good at some things, he hides the fact that he's got poor physical stamina and actively skips most physical sports. A selfish person who hates to lose, Kiriya will insult everybody and anybody in order to feel superior. He does have a heroic streak, if you're in danger he will save you - though he might insult you right after. Despite all of this, Kiriya quietly yearns for friends and people who will hang around with him, especially with people who will put up with his spontaneous "competitions".
Kiriya is being taken from around 42.
Sample post:
I can't believe this place! I'd have thought the zombies were less... brainless, but apparently, they're dumber than usual here. I tried to have a bike race with a zombie this morning, and he just stared at the bike! He didn't even bother to get on! You'd think that zombies would be good competitors, being single-minded, but sorry, they're not! I don't think he'd ever ridden a bicycle in his life. Of course, that means I won! And then the stupid zombie tried to eat my brains, because of course I'm superior!
And then some cow tried to beat me. A literal dairy cow with black spots and everything! SInce when did cows ride bikes, anyway? I'm not udderly bad at riding, either, that's a lie no matter what they say and I won't have a farm animal laugh at me! Of course, it rode off before I got a chance to prove that. But next time we meet, it'll be sorry!
The whole stupid reason I didn't beat it was because I turned around and found that purple gorilla taking apart my bicycle. It kept monkeying with it! I really don't care if it wanted me to beat that cow, I make the rules here, and they don't include modding my bike without asking me. It's a perfect bike anyway! I'm surprised I got it back in one piece! Stupid gorilla. Stupid cow. Stupid zombies!
And I'm really sorry, but you do not put a banana peel where someone can slip on it. I’m going to be in pain for weeks! Aggh! I’ll get you all!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tae Shimura (or "Otae" as she's most commonly referred to as)
Series: Gintama
Character Age: 18
Canon: Ever wondered what it would be like if aliens invaded
Japan during the Edo-period and took over everything? Well then,
that's what Gintama is about, sort of. It's fourth-wall breakage and
about some sugar-holic named Gintoki along with his two sidekicks,
Shinpachi and Kagura, who had this dark past but is now working as a
"freelancer". He does whatever he can, to make ends meet and the
series goes from there.
Tae Shimura or "Otae" as she's more commonly referred to as is the
older sister of Shinpachi Shimura and looks to be a sweet and
kind-hearted woman. The harsh reality is that she's definitely one of
the most violent characters of all of Gintama. For the most part, Tae
speaks politely and is somewhat courteous, but when she gets annoyed
with something her words are definitely vulgar. She’s not afraid of
saying things on how it is, no matter the subject matter is. Though as
long as you stay on her good side, she actually is a very
compassionate and a strong woman. Also, it should be noted that her
"specialty" dish tamagoyaki is
commonly referred to as "dark matter" as it can cause loss of
eyesight, memory loss, and violent bouts of diarrhea.
Oh, hello camp, have you seen my darling brother? I'm here to drag him
back home. He works for a man named Gintoki, if that helps. There are
only so many tricks that he can fall for before he eventually learns
what to do. Honestly, I can't be expected to revive the dojo on my
own. Huh? Speak clearly; I can’t understand anything you’re saying.
Mumbling isn’t going to get us anywhere anytime soon and when was the
last time you took a bath? I understand you’re dead, but you could at
least still try to smell nice. Zombies can at least learn proper
English, oh wait, shouldn’t it be Japanese? Hm, but we’re not in Japan
so we’re speaking in English. I never knew I could speak English.
So as long as we’re doing things in an English dub... Little Shin!
Little Shin where are you? Or maybe “Shinipoo” would work too.
I know he’s here so stop being difficult and answer my question
already. Oh, look some gorillas decided to show up. My, they are
awfully friendly, almost like that other gorilla I know. Speaking of
which, I hope that he isn’t here. Now will you get your hands off of
me? I’m not in the mood for games right now.
You know, I’ve been thinking… Camp Fuck You Die, isn’t that a bit of
crude? Just what are you trying to get across with a name like that? I
can’t let Shin-chan stay at a camp with such a disgusting name. And
what the place itself doesn’t look li-what did I tell you about
touching me, you filthy gorilla. I'm not interested... Get your grubby
hand off my-
...
Sorry about that, I felt something touch my butt so I quickly had to
dispose of the source. I’m okay, thank you for worrying. I can’t say
the same about whatever it was. I think I might have heard something
snap... Anyway, back to business, if you help me find my brother, I
brought some of my special tamagoyaki with me today. I was originally
going to let Shin-chan have it but if you bring him here, then I guess
I can let you have it. Now, now, what is with that look? It’s
perfectly fine to eat. You don’t have to worry about sharing; I
brought plenty of my special for everyone! I even brought some of my
other specials, all of them with egg of course. Eggs are very
nutritious and good for you. Everybody should eat two eggs every
morning to make sure you get enough protein. Don’t worry about the
texture, I made it with extra flour so that’s why it’s super crunchy.
It’s very rude to question someone’s cooking, especially when they’re
giving it to you for free.
So go ahead and eat one! Yes, that’s right! Take a bite...
Poll Vote!
Character: Hanto Jou
Series: Engine Sentai Go-Onger
Character Age: 16
Canon: When you take a show about spandex wearing heroes saving the Earth and mix it with the plot from Captain Planet and the means of Speed Racer, chances are you are in for one hilarious time. A rather well-organized enemy called the Gaiark have decided that they are going to cross worlds to our planet and pollute it to make it feel more like home for when they take it over. Enter our wacky heroes and their partners, a group of talking cars referred to as Engines, to try and stop this plot from unfolding. While they aren't the most organized, the smartest or sometimes even the most useful heroes our planet can produce, the Engine Sentai Go-Ongers do their job well.
The youngest of this group of seven is Hanto Jou, Go-On Green. When he's not being a hero of justice, he's at one of his part-time jobs trying to pick up women and lots of money. Alongside his partner, the motorbike dolphin Engine Birca, their aim is to charm (and hopefully date) the lucky older women that they meet. Most of the time he is an easy going, very go-with-the-flow kind of guy that is very easy to trick. His childishness leaves him to usually be the most energetic and excited of the bunch. When he isn’t careful, this places him in a number of strange predicaments, but nothing he can’t handle in his own special way. The two things that provoke this guy into some really amazing action are heart-pounding excitement, and beautiful older women. In the end Hanto is just one of those guys who really loves his job.
Sample Post:
Here's your delivery from Doki Doki Pizzeria~! With that out of the way, there is something else I'd rather talk about, Miss. It is Miss, right? I haven't seen such beauty and purity in a woman your age in a long time. Ah, I should introduce myself first! I'm Hanto Jou, Go-On Green of the Go-Ongers. Isn't it impressive? I have a partner as well who will be so jealous that I met you without him, but I just couldn't let this opportunity pass me by.
You must be hungry, right? I just keep talking and you look like you really want this box from me. I'll hand that over to you now, so we can keep chatting. Don't worry about the cost or anything! For a lovely lady like you, I would be more than willing to cover your tab myself. That's what a man does, right? See, I may look young, but I am very mature for my age.
You finished that pizza pretty quickly. I wasn't expecting that. That’s quite an appetite... I wonder how you stay so fit. Sure, you have a few problems here and there but-- hey, I don't think the box is edible. I can see that you’re still hungry with the way you’re looking around, but this was the last delivery I had. There's nothing else on the scooter!
This is so sudden, approaching me with that look in your blank eyes. I wasn't expecting for you to make advances so fast; I guess older women really are different, aren't they? I’m not ready for this. I haven't even had time to think about it. Ah! Your hand came off there. Was that intentional? It is really far too early for you to be offering your hand to me. We only just met! I'll just return this to you and be on my way now. If I was sure you were flirting with me, I’d stay, but I’m pretty sure that look on what's left of your face means hunger, not the burning desire I was hopeful for... I'm on the menu and not in a good way, right? Right, well it’s been fun, but I have a job to get back to.
Don't worry about the tab. That will be my gift to you for not eating me.
Poll Vote!
All of them.
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. Closed!
Name: Vanitas
Canon: Kingdom Hearts Birth By Sleep
Age: Darkness (teenage)
Canon:Kingdom Hearts is a story about friendship, angst, light, darkness, nonexistence, Disney, and zippers. Vanitas is unique in this convoluted story in that he actually has NO shades of gray whatsoever; he’s literally a being of pure, malignant darkness given physical form. Wielding his own creepy Keyblade, Vanitas travels across many worlds, unleashing waves of creatures called Unversed wherever he goes. Created by Vanitas’ own irregular existence and negative emotions, the Unversed cause terror and mayhem throughout the land, seemingly for no reason than Vanitas’ shits and giggles.
But beneath this mysterious boy’s mask lies a dark secret: He’s actually Haley Joel Osment the dark half of a Keyblade wielder named Ventus, literally ripped out of the puppy-like warrior’s heart. This gives him the appearance of another famous Keyblade wielder for reasons too complicated to get into now. He exists for the sole purpose of fighting Ventus until the pure light and darkness of their half-hearts combine to form the X-Blade, a weapon of incomparable power that can bring the Keyblade War back into play.
There are no positive sides to Vanitas’ personality. He’s a sadist, an egotist, a narcissist, and absolutely insane. He takes pride in his virtual invincibility and causing as much pain and misfortune as he can, especially to Ventus. He loves fighting others to prove his strength, and even when beaten he laughs it off. He’s an abomination, a blight upon the World, and won’t stop until he has what he wants.
Sample Post:
So, this is Camp Fuck You Die. I like the name! Most worlds tend to have pretentious names like “Castle of Dreams” and “Enchanted Dominion” and “Happy Super Funland!” But this one comes right out and tells you what it’s all about. Too bad it’s so completely boring. There’s too much corn and not enough corpses. Give me something I can kill!
...are you kidding me? These things have already been killed! I don’t clean up other people’s messes, walking or otherwise. ..hmm, but by the way these cannibals are looking at me, they don’t think I’ll get out alive. Huh? You want a bite of my heart tonight? Heh. Heh! Hahahahaha, that’s hilarious! Even if you could take me down, you wouldn’t even get a full meal! Well then, you cheeky wastes of flesh, what are you waiting for? Dinner is served!
*horrible squelching noises*
Huh? That’s it? Pitiful. And the Master said it was supposed to be ‘extra scary’ this time of year. I knew I should’ve gone to that pumpkin world for training. If I have to spend months fighting these ‘Brainless’ creatures then by the time I get out I’ll be even weaker than that failure I have to fight. I guess I’ll have to settle for the actual campers. Which is fine by me! I’m sure there’s a ton of incredibly powerful Brainless beings in this dump. I’ll leave this place a barren wasteland, with nothing but Darkness to welcome future occupants to their summer vacation! This is the beginning of the end for Camp Fuck You Die!
...huh? What’re these things? A bunch of fruity jungle animals? Wait, did that toucan just speak? Oh, I’m sorry, a bunch of fruity, LOOPY animals. Thanks for the correction. Now, follow your nose to this.
Poll Vote!
Character: John Egbert (screen name ectoBiologist)
Series: Homestuck
Age: 13
Canon: The long awaited computer game Sburb is finally in beta -- and John Egbert just got his copy in the mail! This immersive multiplayer game allows one player to actually change and rebuild another player's house! But Sburb is much more than it seems. Meteors are falling all around John's house, and using the tools Sburb gives him, he only barely manages to teleport himself and his house away to another universe -- the "Medium" -- in time. That's the premise of Homestuck, a webcomic by Andrew Hussie. Now John and his three friends have to build each other's houses higher and higher, fight imps and other monsters bent on their demise, deal with a bunch of angry internet trolls, and unravel the mysteries of Sburb and the Medium. And that's before we start getting into Weird Time Shit™.
When we're first introduced to John at the beginning of the comic, he seems for all the world like a dorky, goofy-looking kid with big glasses and big teeth. And that's pretty much what he is, to be honest! He's cheerful and friendly, though he can get easily frustrated. He enjoys terrible movies, practices amateur magic and plays pranks, fusses with his annoying inventory system... He's definitely the most "normal" out of his group of friends. But though he can act a bit dumb sometimes, he's actually pretty clever. Through experimenting with an item-combining system that's part of Sburb, he's made himself some really powerful equipment.
In the end, John's greatest strength and weakness is his heart, which is as big as all outdoors. He's caring and trusting, and he understands his friends and how they tick. But he can be too trusting at times -- he dies in an alternate timeline thanks to taking one of the trolls' advice. He's a nice kid, but he's pretty gullible. But in trusting the trolls, he seems to be winning some of them over... SO IN SUMMARY: bluh bluh huge derp.
Note: upon entering the Medium, each player eventually discovers their own personal Land, populated by a different kind of consort (friendly NPCs). For example, John's is the Land of Wind and Shale, occupied by friendly salamanders. Also, Homestuck is full of silly video game-esque abstractions; the Prankster's Gambit and Health Vial are two examples.
Sample Post:
-- ectoBiologist [EB] pestered all chums [TT, TG, GG] --
EB: hey, are you guys there? i could use a hand!
EB: i'm definitely lost, that last gate took me to some weird place i don't recognize.
EB: i think i'm going to call it the "land of corn and zombies".
EB: because that's all there is here.
EB: seriously. i checked.
EB: anyway, i can't find a return gate anywhere, so i need you guys to come help me search.
EB: hope to see you soon!
EB: (hehehehe)
Perfect! They'll never suspect a thing. Hey, thanks again for helping me with this prank setup. Who would've thought the consorts of this land would be such a fun-loving bunch? And cute, too, with the fur and dangly pompoms and all! I think Jade especially is going to like you all.
I wonder if this is her land, though? Last thing I remember, I was just getting ready to bring her into the Medium... but I've got the server program running right here, and it won't connect to her! I hope she's okay... We've got to work as a team if we're gonna save this game after all. ...What's that? Oh, that's not quite what I meant by "save"...
Anyway, I got distracted, didn't I? I still have to tell you guys how this prank works! I've got time while we wait for the server program to connect. See, it's based on the classic bucket-on-the-door trick, but since we're in a farm, I decided to improvise a little. When one of my friends comes through those barn doors, the barrel will come down and cover them in green slime! Just like those old Nick shows, hee hee. And of course the barrel's roped up so it won't fall all the way. I want to take points off of Prankster's Gambits, not Health Vials!
Shh, shh, someone's coming! Wait for it, wait for it... Ha! ...Uh, that's not one of my friends. That's some kind of giant... gorilla thing? Whoa, hey, guys, don't just run off and leave me -- oh boy. Uh, hi! Look, no hard feelings, okay? It was just a little prank, really! Green looks good on you anyway! You look... Hey, wait... You know, you look familiar, somehow. Like I've seen you somewhere before...
That's it! You were an extra in the Mighty Joe Young remake! Oh, man, can I get your autograph? So cool.
Poll Vote!
Character: Terezi Pyrope
Series: MSPaintAdventures: Homestuck
Character Age: Six Alternian Solar Sweeps (approximately thirteen Earth years)
Canon: Terezi Pyrope is a troll. Troll by personality. Troll by vocation. Troll by species. You see, she hails from the planet Alternia, where all children are raised by a guardian monster, blood color dictates caste, and mutual hatred is a perfectly valid basis for friendship. In fact, in the Alternian tongue, there are no separate words for friend and enemy. That's just the kind of species they are. But hey, the being raised by a monster thing can come in handy sometimes. Especially for Terezi, who is blind as one of your Earth-cave dwelling nocturnal flapbeasts. Luckily for her, her monster guardian is a psychic dragon who taught her to replace vision with a kind of extra-sensory synethesia through which she tastes the colors of the world around her. How this allows her to use chat-programs and photoshop, none can say.
Troll sensory organs sure are weird!
Besides occasionally TMI descriptions of everything she tastesees, Terezi’s other interests include playing headgames with anyone and everyone, pretending to be a kitten-eating dragon on the Internet, and gleefully orchestrating the demise of the wicked. Wicked here meaning “anyone who’s crossed her” “folk who kind of seem like douchebags” and, if she’s bored enough, pretty much anyone or anything. If there are no other playmates available, plushies can make great defendants! Hey, after all, if she wants to be a real LEGISLACERATOR some day, it’s important to get in lots of practice at being prosecutor, witness and executioner now, right?
A note: T3R3Z1 SP34KS 1N T34L, US1NG TH3 NUM3R4LS OF THE BL1ND PROPH3T. H3R TR4D1T1ON4L FORM4TT1NG H4S B33N FORGON3 1N TH1S 4PP FOR TH3 S4K3 OF R34D4B1L1TY. YOU'R3 W3LCOM3.
Sample:
Ladies and gentletrolls of the court. We stand today to pass righteous and judgeful judgement on this most despicable of transgressors, Sir Squishymeats von Rothuman. Though his flesh may be a succulent grubstew green, his heart is dark as raisins, twice as wrinkly, and not nearly as delicious. He is the transgressiest. He has committed all of the transgressions. All of them. But more specifically, he has attempted to feast on the brains of another, without filling out a single one of the proper Brain Consumption Forms, let alone in triplicate. In the words of the Earth Dude’s Ball Rolling Compatriot, from that one film by the Coen Humans, this aggression will not stand.
The punishment, of course, is death.
We will begin with the traditional questioning.
But-but what is this!? Your honor, lady- and gentletrolls, witness the impudence! The insolence! The total disregard for the entire judicial process!
Sir Squishymeats von Rothuman is too permeable of flesh to be slapped into submission. See here, just as the prosecution was beginning to question him (with, of course, a perfectly legal regimen of open-handed slaps), large chunks of his flesh have come off on my hand! If it so pleases your honor, the prosecution moves that he be held in contempt of the court for over-ripeness, and that the questioning process continues, using one of his own arms to beat him with.
Hooray! His honor says yes. So if you’ll just give me that we can-
Wow, it all just kinda popped out, huh?
All of those . . .
Brightly colored . . .
Color organs . . .
Makes me want to . . .
. . .
The prosecution has a correction to make to the court records. Please, let the records show that while still not as wrinkly, Sir von Rothuman’s heart is indeed quite comparable to raisins in terms of deliciousness.
Poll Vote!
Character: Sieg
Series: Suikoden Tierkreis
Character Age: 15
Canon: If you're used to the good old Suikoden games, you're up for a surprise with Tierkreis. Set in a completely different universe than the other games, Tierkreis explores the idea of many parallel worlds and tells of the struggles of the 108 Stars of Destiny against the Order of the One True Way; a powerful religious organization whose followers believe in a pre-determined future that nobody should fight against. As they try to gain more influence and conquer other countries in an attempt to force them to follow their beliefs, they cross paths with a group of young people from the small Citro Village who, thanks to the power of the Marks of the Stars, are finally able to hold their own against them.
The leader of the group is Sieg, a young boy whose motto "you never know unless you try" is directly in contrast with the Order's. Rather hot-headed and always energetic, Sieg is the kind of person who just can't stay still for a minute and needs to do something no matter what-- all the more so if he's witnessing injustice. Always ready to give a hand to anyone in need, he's someone who acts first and asks questions later, if at all. Although he may be a helplessly optimistic boy, he possesses the kind of charisma that make people want to believe in him despite everything. All in all, Sieg is a kind person who always gives his all in everything he does, and even if he tends to be too naive at times, he has a very strong personality that makes him able to withstand the many tragedies of the war.
Note: In Suikoden Tierkreis most people can travel between parallel worlds through "gates", Sieg, however, is unable to.
Sample:
Okay, this place ain't half-bad. Not really what I expected from another world, but better than nothing. Looking at it this place has its own charm, huh? I mean, come on, it's a whole different world! I didn't even think I was gonna find a way to visit one anytime soon, so I gotta be thankful for this chance, I guess. It's just... well, okay, I don't wanna sound picky, but seriously, that monster on top of the silo looks kinda freaky. It doesn't really help that a parrot just came at me sayin' to stay outta the way of that thing. I don't really feel up for some hot tentacle lovin', whatever that's supposed to mean.
Monster on the silo aside, I guess I can give this place props for being interesting. I haven't really seen everything around yet, but it looks like there's tons of strange animals and they're pretty cool! The people are a different story though. I gotta say I'm kinda surprised all of them look like zombies, but hey, I ain't one to judge. Guess rotting meat must be the latest fad here, huh? As long as they're still up and running, it's no problem. It'd be better if they could do something for that smell, but can't really complain about a world that's not even my own. And either way it could be just this city, right? I'm gonna look around and see if I see something different.
But first things first, before I consider spending any more time here, I should go look for the Gate I came from. Now that I think about it, this whole thing is kind of a mess. I sure ain't no expert on world hopping, but I thought I was gonna stay conscious while traveling to another world. I wonder why I ended up getting knocked out and waking up in a cornfield? Oh well, no use thinking about it now. If I wanna get something done, I better start walking. I wonder if there's a map or somethin' around here? Guess I'm gonna ask one of those zombies where I can find one since it'd be the quickest way. Hey, uhm... you with the lipstick? Though man that sure looks like blood. Ehm, anyway -I'm kinda lost here, mind giving me some directions? Just somewhere I can find a map will do. -Is "brains" all you people here can say? I'm startin' to think I should just stick to the parrots and talk with them. Can you at least point me to something useful or whatever? Thanks.
-Woah, wait a minute here! I know that weird big stone over there. Is that this world's Tablet of Destiny? No, there's something different written in there. "CFUD Network" ... I wonder what you do with that.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kiriya Kyousuke
Series: Kamen Rider Hibiki
Character Age: around 15
Canon: Drums, trumpets, and guitars, oh my! In Kamen Rider Hibiki, specially trained humans named Oni fight the Makamou, who have been trying for centuries to destroy humanity. The story focuses on Adachi Asumu, just finishing middle school and starting high school, as he becomes involved in the Onis' fights, and in particular, the life and adventures of Hibiki, a taiko (drum) Oni who saves him from a Makamou.
Kiriya Kyousuke is better than you - or at least that's what he'd like you to believe. While exceedingly good at some things, he hides the fact that he's got poor physical stamina and actively skips most physical sports. A selfish person who hates to lose, Kiriya will insult everybody and anybody in order to feel superior. He does have a heroic streak, if you're in danger he will save you - though he might insult you right after. Despite all of this, Kiriya quietly yearns for friends and people who will hang around with him, especially with people who will put up with his spontaneous "competitions".
Kiriya is being taken from around 42.
Sample post:
I can't believe this place! I'd have thought the zombies were less... brainless, but apparently, they're dumber than usual here. I tried to have a bike race with a zombie this morning, and he just stared at the bike! He didn't even bother to get on! You'd think that zombies would be good competitors, being single-minded, but sorry, they're not! I don't think he'd ever ridden a bicycle in his life. Of course, that means I won! And then the stupid zombie tried to eat my brains, because of course I'm superior!
And then some cow tried to beat me. A literal dairy cow with black spots and everything! SInce when did cows ride bikes, anyway? I'm not udderly bad at riding, either, that's a lie no matter what they say and I won't have a farm animal laugh at me! Of course, it rode off before I got a chance to prove that. But next time we meet, it'll be sorry!
The whole stupid reason I didn't beat it was because I turned around and found that purple gorilla taking apart my bicycle. It kept monkeying with it! I really don't care if it wanted me to beat that cow, I make the rules here, and they don't include modding my bike without asking me. It's a perfect bike anyway! I'm surprised I got it back in one piece! Stupid gorilla. Stupid cow. Stupid zombies!
And I'm really sorry, but you do not put a banana peel where someone can slip on it. I’m going to be in pain for weeks! Aggh! I’ll get you all!
Poll Vote!
Character: Tae Shimura (or "Otae" as she's most commonly referred to as)
Series: Gintama
Character Age: 18
Canon: Ever wondered what it would be like if aliens invaded
Japan during the Edo-period and took over everything? Well then,
that's what Gintama is about, sort of. It's fourth-wall breakage and
about some sugar-holic named Gintoki along with his two sidekicks,
Shinpachi and Kagura, who had this dark past but is now working as a
"freelancer". He does whatever he can, to make ends meet and the
series goes from there.
Tae Shimura or "Otae" as she's more commonly referred to as is the
older sister of Shinpachi Shimura and looks to be a sweet and
kind-hearted woman. The harsh reality is that she's definitely one of
the most violent characters of all of Gintama. For the most part, Tae
speaks politely and is somewhat courteous, but when she gets annoyed
with something her words are definitely vulgar. She’s not afraid of
saying things on how it is, no matter the subject matter is. Though as
long as you stay on her good side, she actually is a very
compassionate and a strong woman. Also, it should be noted that her
"specialty" dish tamagoyaki is
commonly referred to as "dark matter" as it can cause loss of
eyesight, memory loss, and violent bouts of diarrhea.
Oh, hello camp, have you seen my darling brother? I'm here to drag him
back home. He works for a man named Gintoki, if that helps. There are
only so many tricks that he can fall for before he eventually learns
what to do. Honestly, I can't be expected to revive the dojo on my
own. Huh? Speak clearly; I can’t understand anything you’re saying.
Mumbling isn’t going to get us anywhere anytime soon and when was the
last time you took a bath? I understand you’re dead, but you could at
least still try to smell nice. Zombies can at least learn proper
English, oh wait, shouldn’t it be Japanese? Hm, but we’re not in Japan
so we’re speaking in English. I never knew I could speak English.
So as long as we’re doing things in an English dub... Little Shin!
Little Shin where are you? Or maybe “Shinipoo” would work too.
I know he’s here so stop being difficult and answer my question
already. Oh, look some gorillas decided to show up. My, they are
awfully friendly, almost like that other gorilla I know. Speaking of
which, I hope that he isn’t here. Now will you get your hands off of
me? I’m not in the mood for games right now.
You know, I’ve been thinking… Camp Fuck You Die, isn’t that a bit of
crude? Just what are you trying to get across with a name like that? I
can’t let Shin-chan stay at a camp with such a disgusting name. And
what the place itself doesn’t look li-what did I tell you about
touching me, you filthy gorilla. I'm not interested... Get your grubby
hand off my-
...
Sorry about that, I felt something touch my butt so I quickly had to
dispose of the source. I’m okay, thank you for worrying. I can’t say
the same about whatever it was. I think I might have heard something
snap... Anyway, back to business, if you help me find my brother, I
brought some of my special tamagoyaki with me today. I was originally
going to let Shin-chan have it but if you bring him here, then I guess
I can let you have it. Now, now, what is with that look? It’s
perfectly fine to eat. You don’t have to worry about sharing; I
brought plenty of my special for everyone! I even brought some of my
other specials, all of them with egg of course. Eggs are very
nutritious and good for you. Everybody should eat two eggs every
morning to make sure you get enough protein. Don’t worry about the
texture, I made it with extra flour so that’s why it’s super crunchy.
It’s very rude to question someone’s cooking, especially when they’re
giving it to you for free.
So go ahead and eat one! Yes, that’s right! Take a bite...
Poll Vote!
Character: Hanto Jou
Series: Engine Sentai Go-Onger
Character Age: 16
Canon: When you take a show about spandex wearing heroes saving the Earth and mix it with the plot from Captain Planet and the means of Speed Racer, chances are you are in for one hilarious time. A rather well-organized enemy called the Gaiark have decided that they are going to cross worlds to our planet and pollute it to make it feel more like home for when they take it over. Enter our wacky heroes and their partners, a group of talking cars referred to as Engines, to try and stop this plot from unfolding. While they aren't the most organized, the smartest or sometimes even the most useful heroes our planet can produce, the Engine Sentai Go-Ongers do their job well.
The youngest of this group of seven is Hanto Jou, Go-On Green. When he's not being a hero of justice, he's at one of his part-time jobs trying to pick up women and lots of money. Alongside his partner, the motorbike dolphin Engine Birca, their aim is to charm (and hopefully date) the lucky older women that they meet. Most of the time he is an easy going, very go-with-the-flow kind of guy that is very easy to trick. His childishness leaves him to usually be the most energetic and excited of the bunch. When he isn’t careful, this places him in a number of strange predicaments, but nothing he can’t handle in his own special way. The two things that provoke this guy into some really amazing action are heart-pounding excitement, and beautiful older women. In the end Hanto is just one of those guys who really loves his job.
Sample Post:
Here's your delivery from Doki Doki Pizzeria~! With that out of the way, there is something else I'd rather talk about, Miss. It is Miss, right? I haven't seen such beauty and purity in a woman your age in a long time. Ah, I should introduce myself first! I'm Hanto Jou, Go-On Green of the Go-Ongers. Isn't it impressive? I have a partner as well who will be so jealous that I met you without him, but I just couldn't let this opportunity pass me by.
You must be hungry, right? I just keep talking and you look like you really want this box from me. I'll hand that over to you now, so we can keep chatting. Don't worry about the cost or anything! For a lovely lady like you, I would be more than willing to cover your tab myself. That's what a man does, right? See, I may look young, but I am very mature for my age.
You finished that pizza pretty quickly. I wasn't expecting that. That’s quite an appetite... I wonder how you stay so fit. Sure, you have a few problems here and there but-- hey, I don't think the box is edible. I can see that you’re still hungry with the way you’re looking around, but this was the last delivery I had. There's nothing else on the scooter!
This is so sudden, approaching me with that look in your blank eyes. I wasn't expecting for you to make advances so fast; I guess older women really are different, aren't they? I’m not ready for this. I haven't even had time to think about it. Ah! Your hand came off there. Was that intentional? It is really far too early for you to be offering your hand to me. We only just met! I'll just return this to you and be on my way now. If I was sure you were flirting with me, I’d stay, but I’m pretty sure that look on what's left of your face means hunger, not the burning desire I was hopeful for... I'm on the menu and not in a good way, right? Right, well it’s been fun, but I have a job to get back to.
Don't worry about the tab. That will be my gift to you for not eating me.
Poll Vote!