(no subject)
... r-round 4 ...
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED!
Character: Charley J. Krishund ("Cherry")
Series: Vassalord
Character Age: Physically 28, actually over a hundred years old.
Job: Puncture Wound Specialist
Canon: The world of Vassalord is a semi-modern Earth with all the comforts of home, including familiar countries, familiar technology, and familiar vampire mythos that differ from coast to coast. This doesn't mean that the actual existence of vampires is ever called into question--after all, does anyone ever believe everything they read about or see on TV? In Vassalord, ordinary humans do ordinary things, and they're rarely given cause to question a supernatural hand in their everyday lives. That's why the mythos have remained mythos and why the idea of someone going around making flawed vampires is barely anything to blog about . . . It's also why a vampire like Johnny Rayflo can live a luxuriant lifestyle and hide in plain sight.
Johnny is a centuries-old playboy. Charley J. Krishund is his son, or, more accurately, a young man he sired well over a century ago. Together, they fight crime! Charley is a vampire out to destroy the troublemakers of his breed. He's a militant Catholic who refuses to drink the blood of humans, using Johnny's blood for food instead. He's a somber man who takes his duties very seriously, with aims to eliminate wrongdoers using some nifty swordplay and the nigh-invincibility of his half-robot body. All in all, Charley isn't exactly the most fun guy to be around. He's kind and polite, but still typically inexpressive in his dealings with others. He has his soft spots, though, including a discreet but all-encompassing devotion to Johnny (whom he calls "Master") and a blushy reaction to being mistaken for a priest. And he'd never turn away from someone in need--unless, of course, that someone is Johnny and the need is somewhere in his pants.
You see, Charley is also famous for his prudishness. It's why Johnny's most affectionate nickname for him is "Cherry," in reference to his metaphorical chastity belt of solid steel.
Sample Post:
While I'm afraid my medicinal experience is unfortunately limited for this line of duty, a request is a request. To ignore the maladies of an entire population would just be inhumane . . . and to be frank, I don't think I could ignore it if I tried. I saw a group in the woods staggering around shot literally half to hell, with holes you could see through and--why, yes, with their kneecaps "capped". They groaned for . . . for brains, I believe. I interpreted this as a plea for someone with the intellect to put them out of their misery. It wasn't my place to grant them God's mercy, so I instead prayed for their safe passage--either to the next life, or at least back across the brick road from which they came. It shouldn't be hard to find again. If I'm not mistaken, it was yellow.
Now . . . being assigned some measure of responsibility for all of you, I really hope you start to take better care of yourselves and those surrounding you. My official job is "Puncture Wound Specialist". To be fair, I've more experience with the avoidance thereof, so . . . I think I'll also talk about how to protect yourself from the potential danger inherent in needless penetration. How does that sound? Fulfilling . . . ? That's the spirit.
When I passed the group from earlier, I noticed a lot of the injuries were from bullet wounds. First of all, it should go without saying that guns are dangerous. I would ask you to please take into account the safety functions with which most firearms are equipped. So many ills can be avoided by the use of protection when handling something as violently eruptive as a gun. And aiming a gun at yourself is pretty much always completely inadvisable. Yes, rubber bullets still hurt. No, nothing exciting, fanged, or clawed really comes out of a skull when you aim a gun at it. Don't listen to your friends, it's mostly just bone fragments and brains.
Puncture wounds are also often caused by everyday sharp objects. Now . . . since this is a summer camp, you all must roast things, right? Marshmallows, hot dogs--that sort of thing. Please be wary of skewers, ordinary sharpened sticks, and--ah? You're not permitted to manhandle hot wood? I suppose that takes care of a number of issues. What else . . . ? Don't run with scissors, and if you must run with an actual offensive blade please make sure the cutting edge isn't aimed at any part of yourself you particularly treasure. I hear the clamp-like grip of fighter fervency is sometimes hard to shake off, but that's really no reason to lose an eye.
Finally, a subject I'll expand on further in later days: the care of puncture wounds. The steps are simple--stop the bleeding, clean the injury, and keep it free of infection. The care of punctures is largely dependent on the puncture's location and depth; in case you're unsure, contact a doctor as soon as possible. The body was only made to withstand a certain number and severity of lacerations, so I really must insist that you all take care of yourselves before you're ripped a new one.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bela Talbot
Series: Supernatural
Age: 24
Job: Business Management Seminars: Mergers and Acquisitions
Canon: Ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night? Supernatural's got them all, but this ain't no kid's Halloween party. As it turns out, all those things you were scared of when you were young aren't just real: they're violent, crazy, and a bitch to kill. In this world you have the oblivious masses, the supernatural monsters, and hard-bitten paranormal Hunters like our heroes Sam and Dean Winchester, who try and make the world a little safer by doing cleanup duty on a variety of demons, spirits, and powerful hoodoo artifacts.
And then there's Bela Talbot, a secondary character in a class all her own. Less concerned with exterminating evil than with filling her own fat pocketbook, Bela is far more than a thief. She's a great thief, and the goods she purveys tend to be of the sort that most people wouldn't even believe in. Selling talismans, charms, curse objects and grisly trophies, Bela's more than willing to run the risk of endangering herself and others (well, mostly others really) if that's what it takes to get her superstitious clients the items they're interested in. But she doesn't stop there. She also banks on her knowledge of the supernatural world, providing information to those in trouble... but rarely solutions, since those require heroic action. Sometimes she'll even run a believable con without ever bringing actual spirits into the mix at all. Basically if there's a way to squeeze a little money out, Bela's there. She's a consummate professional with class to spare, but human kindness, decency, and integrity? Not so much.
Sample Post:
The best way to pick something up quickly is to learn by example.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it, because I don't actually have the time to sit back and run your little informational get together. But what I do have time for? Is getting as much out of this day as any of you do. So let's make a deal, shall we? I'll tell you what you want to know, and you tell me what I want to know. I may be your teacher, but I'm sure that there's a great deal I don't know yet.
Just for example, suppose I was interested in love charms. Not personally, you understand. But I'm aware of some powerful mojo that gets worked around here a few times a year... makes you biannually bi-curious, let's say? Now that's an ingredient I think quite a few lonely cooks might be interested in throwing into their pots. So if you could just give me a few solid dates? Just point it out on the calendar. December and July? Very interesting. And that, lads, is what I would call an acquisition. See what I did there? I knew what I wanted, I threw out a few bits of information to make it clear that I was well informed on the subject, and very soon now I'll get what's coming to me.
Let's take another test run. How about... oh, I don't know. The secret of resurrection? Don't be shy, somebody here must know what I'm talking about. I don't mean the zombies of course. Any voodoo witch can bring a man back to life if she's not too particular about what part of her he's going to chew on, but I for one would like to keep my flawless complexion. And I'm sure any clients of mine would too. But I understand that there are a privileged few here who get to come back without a hair turned. I must confess I'm showing my hand a little more fully than I usually would by admitting that I've never heard of something like that before, but since we've got a student-teacher bond, I suppose I trust you to help me. Anyone care to prove me right? After all, you wouldn't want my blood on your hands, would you? It's a dangerous world out there. And don't worry, I'll scratch your back in return. I don't think much of debt. As for what I could do... just pretend for a moment that I might be able to pull a few strings and get you out of here. I do have connections.
I see. Moogles? And can you just use a piece or do you need the whole fuzzy little bear? Oh don't look so shocked. Mergers and acquisitions, murders and executions... potato potato, wouldn't you agree?
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Madara/'Nyanko-sensei'
Series: Natsume Yuujinchou (The Natsume Book of Friends)
Character Age: Unspecified, but OLD. Is a spirit!
Job: Alcohol Distribution Enforcer
Canon: Once upon a time, there was a lonely girl named Natsume Reiko who could communicate with spirits. Ostracized as a freak and a witch by others, she turned to the supernatural for companionship. Incredibly powerful, she beat dozens of spirits in contests and took their names, with which she could control or even destroy them. These names were compiled into the Book of Friends, which she later passed down to her grandson Takashi. Natsume Yuujinchou is the story of Takashi's quest to return the names of the spirits. Unfortunately, he often has to risk life and limb when angry beings mistake his spiritual energy for his careless grandmother's--or when more powerful ones want to take the Book of Friends for themselves.
Madara is one such being, who tries to eat Natsume when the latter accidentally frees him. They make a bargain instead: if Madara protects Natsume on his quest, he will receive the Book if/when Natsume dies. Madara doesn't seem like ideal guardian material: his common form is that of an extremely fat, rotund cat, which earns him names like 'Nyanko-sensei,' 'buta-neko,' and 'Ponta.' Lazy, self-centered, easily distracted and crotchety, his only concerns seem to be eating fish, shrimp and sweets, drinking all the alcohol he can lay his paws on, singing horrible drunken karaoke and--all right, doing his job once in a while, although he would much rather eat Natsume. Really. He does display affection for humans, sometimes helping them out despite claiming to scorn them as weak. This is not the only thing he's bad at lying about: though he denies that he is a cat, he inadvertently ends up acting like one (playing with cat toys, going mad for fish, etc.) and making a fool of himself. Don't think this means he's topped by everything, though: his true form is incredibly badass (!111!!!), and he displays great wisdom and power when needed.
Sample Post:
Taking a mighty creature like me for a walk in the woods just to give some little spirit back its name, hmph! Silly Natsume, how slow he is, getting himself lost in a mere dense, dark and totally pathless forest like that. He deserves to be left behind for being so careless, but I'll sit here for five minutes and wait graciously for him to catch up. Wait, no, I'll ambush him and test his skills when he arrives! That rustling in the bushes--won't he be surprised.
HA, I'VE GOT YOU NOW--hfkldkg! Oi, who do you guys think you are, trying to fool me? Natsume has more limbs than all of you together, and you taste and smell disgusting, bleh! I'm not giving this foot back unless you answer a question, though, and tell me where to find a spirit who lives around here. She's called Marcy of the Nine Thousand and One Japanese Hellos. What an unnecessarily grand name for such small fry. If you don't know where she is, then get lost and don't bother me with your stupid moaning, groaning and boning back there, nya. Put it away and move on!
What, you're here to offer me a job? I already have a perfectly good job of my own, idiots, go away. But...Alcohol Distribution Enforcer of Camp Seafood, you say? Well, while I wait for a certain lazy human to come along, I suppose I can generously handle that responsibility for you for a few minutes. In fact, if you're having problems distributing that alcohol amongst yourselves, I have the perfect solution for you. Give it all to me, right now!
...it worked? Of course it worked. Nyahaha, of course you were right in picking the great and magnificent Madara for this job, which is perfect for him! Even if they are foreign, this Capurrnet Sauvignyan and this Mrrlots Nyar are delicious! You've done well, my new servants. Listen up: I'm so happy, that I'll do you all a great honor, and sing you a wonderful song to inspire you into getting me even more bottles!
♪ Ohhh all the zombie kittens mew about undead tempura blues
But Madara's got something for yooou, some brilliant happy news
I'm out of rhymes, nyan--oooo!
But! It's okay not to rhyme if you're drinking
Because more spirits are always fine toooooo~ ♪
Hsst! What do you think you're doing?! That wasn't an invitation to swarm me, you rotting, ignorant ingrates, and how dare you refer to laying your filthy hands on me as a simple game of touch-the-pussy! In fact, how dare you mistake me for a cat at all, when my true self is so undeniably majestic and noble, nya! You're not even threatening at all, gibbering back there, telling me there's no way I can take on all of this Seafood by myself. You'd better prepare to eat your words, because this pussy can swallow up anyone and anything you throw at it, right here, right now. DELICIOUS SEAFOOD: READY OR NOT, HERE I COOOME!
--n-nyan. Is THAT Marcy? I...I think I need another drink.
Poll Vote!
Name: Zelos Wilder
Age: 22
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Job: Camp Recruiter
With two worlds, and one hell of a religion on both of them, Tales of Symphonia is the story about the hero finding a way to save everyone! And a solution for a problem that has lasted thousands of years! And... overthrowing the tyrannical dogma that requires a chosen person as a sacrifice every now and again for both worlds. Zelos Wilder is one such Chosen, working as the secondary muscle for the party. His other hobbies include spying, betraying, and being the comic relief for the rest of the party.
Zelos is your typical pampered rich kid when you first look at him. He uses his position to get everything that he could ever want: dates, gifts, money, power, and even hundreds of gorgeous women (whom he calls 'hunnies') willing to let him copy their homework. And did I mention that he likes to flirt? Because he really likes to flirt. Zelos's repertoire of pick up lines range from corny to cornier, and we try to not speak about his nonexistent taste in women (read: two legs and female). He also tends to break awkward silences by pretty much ignoring the problem, and being obnoxiously cheerful. While there is a serious side to him, he lets next to no one see it, and instead prefers to play dumb. That side is one he'd sooner joke about than show anyone seriously. Though, he is pretty good at math, for what it's worth?
Sample App:
Well, you called the right person, and not a moment too soon, because this place needs a lot of work, kitten. I'll give you every reason to give the great Zelos Wilder the job of attracting more hunnies and some dudes can come too, I guess. I'm here to help with getting this place a lot more lively. Don't you worry about a thing, my darling director~ And after this, we can venture into the wilderness of my heart. ♥ So, let's see what I've got to work with. As much as I'd love to hand out pictures of me and call it a day, I'd hate to make all the beautiful ladies mad if I'm not available, due to some boss-employee private time.... Start simple and work your way up! So how about the name of this place? Camp Fuck You Die, right?... Weeell, when I think of 'camp', I certainly don't think of dying, though the middle part can stay, hehehe... But nothing's written in stone yet, so let's talk about changing that name, since it's the easiest thing to do.
I know it might be hard, as deeply rooted in tradition as summer camp can be, to consider changing the name. And it's been a long two or three or whatever years, so parting is such sweet sorrow and all that, but really. Come on, doesn't Camp Find Your something-that-starts-with-a-D sound better? You've seen it before, I know. Campers and counselors alike constantly mess up on the name, but it's worked to your advantage so far. Don't think I haven't seen all those faulty advertisements you've sent out~ Attracting the gorgeous babes does nothing if you can't keep them, you know. I'm not sure what to change the name to, so let's put that on a handy 'to-do list.' We've still got to negotiate how much creative license I have, and how far I can really go... though I'd go to the ends of the earth if you asked me to, my beautiful hunny. ♥
So now let's work on your description. "A zombie-infested summer camp in Louisiana?" It's simple, sure, and gets the point across, but there's absolutely nothing left to the imagination! And who wants to go to a camp infested with monsters for a romantic getaway? Let's focus on the good things about Camp-Whatever-I-Wanna-Call-It. Strip away the name and you've got... crazy vines and touchy-feely monsters all over the place.
But this isn't a bad thing! A little touch can go a long way, especially with those lonely hunnies who just need to know that someone cares. So, when talking about the crazy monsters-- in fact, let's call them "advanced wildlife." So, the advanced wildlife is just trying to work on the level of a master, like... oh, me. Work with it! Nothing will bring hunnies and some guys to camp faster than explaining the abundance of love to be found. Why not add a little spice, and mention the underwear tree? 'The finest lingerie, available as though it grows on trees.' It'll be no good if I'm not here, of course, but surely you wouldn't send me away after I've come so far just to be your knight in shining armor? If all of these suggestions are too much to handle, I understand. We can do things the easy way. After all, I've got just the perfect picture of me to hand out~
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sister Monica Argento
Series: Trinity Blood
Age: ~27
Job: Safety Instructor ♥
Canon: The Trinity Blood manga is an adaptation of the "political thriller" Trinity Blood novels. While keeping with the same general concepts (vampires, political unrest, lost heirs to kingdoms!) the manga gives the story a bit of a shoujo bent to it. The story traces the plucky Sister Esther Blanchett's trials and tribulations as she encounters friends, foes, ditzy priests and sadistic anarchists. And, like most all-loving determined big eyed heroines, Esther seems to amass a regular cast of antagonists who want to try and kill her.
You might be asking yourself, but who would want to kill such a plucky lass? If you answered 'That Super Ninja Secret Organization that Fights Evil and is Also Run by the Vatican' you would be right! If you answered 'everyone else' you might also be right, but this app isn't about everyone else. That Organization, also called AX, is kind of like the Special Ops freakshow of the Vatican. They beat up vampires and take their lunch money, basically.
But Sister Monica Argento doesn't just beat up vampires, she has a range of talents! One of which is ignoring your personal bubble and comfort zone. Another is pulling your organs out of your body. A third and relatively important talent is an easygoing attitude that encourages banter at gunpoint and inquiring if dead or alive realllly means 'dead or dead' is acceptable. One might even say that Monica takes enjoyment out of a dead or dead order. She specializes in manhunts and inspires a unique form of dread that can only be achieved by a swagger and breasts large enough to drown a small pope in.
Sample Entry:
Why hello there, boys and girls, things and thingettes~.
As an expert in safe behaviour, I've been requested to explain the virtues of keeping your hands to yourself. First of all being that nobody enjoys having no hands. I'm sure there's no need to elaborate on point one, except to say that sometimes when someone like me holds a knife and you have hands. . . well, accidents happen. The second is that molestation is hardly safe behaviour for anyone involved.
It seems to me you've all been indulging in a liberal definition of hello. One that includes some invasion of personal bubbles. I'm a conservative woman of the Church -- aah~, don't give me such a look. It's no good to doubt me, you know. As your instructor, I hope that I have some of your trust. If not then this relationship just isn't going work out. It would be a real shame if we couldn't get along, you know~? And remember the first point I made, nobody enjoys having no hands.
Let's see, let's see. . . maybe to properly demonstrate I'll need a volunteer. There are just so many to choose from. . . but I choose you ♥ Ara ara, you're already doing it wrong. Stand up straight, and if you're going to lean, put your hands elsewhere, Meat-chan. You don't mind if I call you that, right? This is a good time to point out another safe behaviour, the buddy system! It's ingenious really, because you can keep people you know from doing stupid things. We're all buddies here, right? Remember, friends don't let friends say hello unsafely.
Now, Meat-chan is going to demonstrate the wrong way to say hell-- you're jumping the gun a bit, dear. And because I'm a friend I'm going to let Meat-chan know what he did wrong. The right way to shake hands is like this -- see, just extend your hand, grab the other person's. . . oh dear, my hand slipped. Silly me, holding a knife and everything.
Don't be so stupid, Meat-chan, this is one of those life lessons. People who practice unsafe behaviour end up suffering from unsafe consequences. Luckily for everyone else, if they ever encounter an unsafe situation, I volunteer to be their adult and help them out ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Zakuro
Series: Saiyuki
Character Age: Some kinda adult
Job: Master of Illusion Failvillain Mentor
Canon: Saiyuki tells of the quest of one Sanzo Party to the West in order to stop the revival of a Big Bad Youkai and the spread of the 'Minus Wave' that renders youkai kinda nuts. Of course, they are not unopposed and their quest is constantly interrupted by those who stand against them.
Zakuro first appeared as a true threat to the Sanzo Party, his Powers Of Illusion proving almost deadly. Then he lost and was instantly downgraded to Failvillain that no one takes seriously. He is egotistical, flamboyant, and enjoys long-winded speeches. And those are his positive traits. Zakuro is also easily lost, a strange blend of well educated with lack of sense, and for no apparent reason birds love to attack him. But that's okay because he is the Great Zakuro and nothing will make him appear less grand than he truly is!
Sample Post:
Salutations, pitiful children of this pathetic hole! I am the mighty Zakuro! Prepare to pay tribute to myself and all youkai kind!
Is what I would like to say. However! I am now under the employment of the Director. A fiercer creature does not exist. This is both to her advantage and disadvantage. She is so very not cute. This Zakuro is disappointed in the state of woman overlords these days. Ahem! As I was saying! I have arrived here by way of paid employment and a very helpful undead guide. Despite our differences, specifically in species, I will be here to assist you as long as I am receiving a sizable paycheck. While I have my pride as a youkai, I will share my vast knowledge. What are you to be so honored as to learn from this keen intellect? My position in this camp is that of MASTER OF ILLUS--... Beg pardon? Failvillain Mentor?
I do not know what offends me more! So falsely accusing me, the great me, of failure... Or the lack of space between the words on this letter of appointment! Such a failure of proper English in such an important document unsettles me greatly! This is not only an attack on the mighty Zakuro but on the written language itself! I am incensed! Incensed!! I demand that this be corrected this very moment! Undead guide, please bring this back to the Director's office this instant to be corrected or I will be forced to resign before I even begin! This is preposterous!
Just because I was lost for three days in this desolate swamp does not make me a failure in the least bit. It was a cunning trap laid out by these malicious trees so haunted by the spirits of the angry dead. And I eventually thwarted this most perfectly set trap! THWARTED! Do not measure my success by the hours spent searching for the path! The incident involving the lake was, of course, beyond my control considering I was never informed of the presence of such a unique creature who like many women is very assertive when confronted by the sight of a fine specimen of a man. She merely could not control herself and what occurred in the aftermath of our meeting was fueled by the insatiable lust most women experience upon seeing me. This was no act of "fail" on my part. In fact, it happened because I am full of "win," as the children say.
Likewise, though the surprisingly large and unusual for this terrain population of toucans has attacked me on a consistent basis since my arrival, we are coming to an understanding! This mockery will soon cease as I double cross them and deepfr--asdfggh!
It is obviously a work in progress.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Kotobuki Ebi
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (AKA Hana Kimi)
Age: 25
Job: Relationship Exit Counselor
Canon: Hana Kimi is the heartwarming tale of the sweetest trap this side of Japan and her more than slightly stalker-obsessive love for one young high jumper. And, if it weren't for the fact that she's just so damn cute, she might have been slapped with a restraining order by now. So she comes to infiltrate an all boys school (poorly) and sexually confuse a good portion of the student body who, luckily for her, are just as clueless as she is. However, aside from wacky rabu rabu hijinks, Mizuki spends most of her time assembling a mafia befriending everyone she meets.
Enter Kotobuki Ebi, one such member of the Mizuki mafia. Ebi is an ex-model turned make-up artist and also, to Mizuki and Co.'s surprise, their photographer Hara Akiha's ex-wife. Having parted on good terms, Ebi and Akiha remain close friends and even work together; now that's what we call keepin' it classy. A complete professional on the job, she takes pride in her work and it is clear she means business. Confident, kind and full of all sorts of handy dandy advice about relationships and being yourself, Ebi's upbeat nature is more than a little infectious.
Sample Post:
Hello, Kotobuki Ebi checking in! I look forward to working with you all. So let's try to make this shoot a success! Now, could I have someone help me with the cases I brought? Perhaps the man in the gorilla costume? Thanks, they go right over there by the bodybag props. I'll start with you first, so please take a seat while I set up the mak- uh oh! Are you alright? Here, take my hand. I've never seen a chair just collapse like that! Although, considering how every part of this set is either molding or collapsing in some way or another, I shouldn't be surprised. They did an amazing job. It really feels like walking into a zombie camp with no hope of returning home, doesn't it?
This is pretty cool, but I wasn't told it was going to be a horror movie. When the director phoned me about the job all she mentioned was that it was a light-hearted coming-of-age tale about kids in a summer camp. She said light-hearted, but looking around now, it seems like anything but. I don't really mind working on a horror film, but because of the misunderstanding I'm not as prepared as I'd like. Ah, I should stop rambling and get back to the job that I'm here for! But how exactly am I supposed to apply make up to fur? It's not a costume? A prank like that isn't very funny. Besides, even if it were true, testing cosmetics on animals is illegal. I understand that people like to break rules here, but if you don't mind, I'd rather not.
You know what? I'll skip the gorillas for now and work on the zombies until we've got this fur thing resolved. Besides, I need to have a conversation with the director about her instructions. 'Pimp their hides' isn't exactly helpful direction. Now, if all the undead could please form more of a line than a horde, we'll be able to get to each of you more quickly. And can one of you tell me is this shoot in color or black and white? "Brains"? I'm glad you're so dedicated to your role and staying in character. It's nice to see that sort of commitment, but considering I take pride in my job too, I need to know what sort of shoot this is. "Nom nom nom"? I can see this is going nowhere, and fast. If you could just point me to the director… you ate her? You raped her? You slapped her around with a large trout? This isn't very professional.
If I'm supposed to do my job you've got to- what do you mean I'm not here to do make-up? No, I am not here for the counselor position. Besides, I've never heard of a summer camp with a relationship exit counselor. Yes, I am divorced, but that isn't really any of your business. Now, I would like to think that you'd show me half the respect I deserve. None of this is in my contract, the director and I had an agreement. Of course I believed her. We're both professionals, aren't we?
…Why are you laughing?
Poll Vote!
Character: Billy Katagiri
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Character Age: 31
Job: Booze Enabler
Canon: Solar power good! Fossil fuels bad! In the future, humanity has finally converted to solar power, but unfortunately, this limitless supply of energy benefits only the large countries. This causes no end of conflicts in the world as they know it. Enter Celestial Being, a private military organization, intent on eliminating all conflict through the use of giant robots. They're super effective, causing the other larger countries to band together to fight them.
One of the larger countries in the aforementioned power block is the Union! Billy Katagiri works for the Mobile Suit Warehouse and Development Branch, which is a fancy way of saying that he is responsible for the development and improvement of their mobile suits - their giant robots. He takes a lot of pride in that work, and is quite passionate about it too, given that one of the Union's most important pilots is his best friend. Billy Katagiri is a nice, laid-back kind of guy, if a little sentimental. He also has a long-standing stalking arrangement crush on Sumeragi Li Noriega, and it's with her that he sometimes shows a little recklessness, carelessly divulging military secrets for the sake of her attention, without knowing her affiliation. Love is blind.
Sample Post:
Hey, everyone. It looks like I'll be working here from today. Billy Katagiri - it's good to meet you all. I can't say that I completely understand the role I'll be playing here, though as long as I'm able to see that woman again, I suppose it's alright. Anyway, the director, Miss Elizabeth, has requested I ask some questions of all of you before I begin enabling. Let's see here...
A brief look at your current habits, then. Do people close to you complain about your drinking habits, and are they complaining enough? Do they moan excessively and loudly? If they're not, you have a problem. However, note that if they do, it's possible that they're zombies and should be disregarded. If you can't see their mouths move, then they're likely the psychic toucans. That, or you're already drunk. In the latter case, you don't need my help. Congratulations! You're well on your way.
As for frequency - just how often do you drink alone? I suppose this is where I really start to come in, isn't it. If you don't have anyone else, you can call on me. To put it in the director's words, "If you're just going to drink alone, take Billy. He's better than nothing." ... But back to the matter of frequency, how often do you experience hangovers? I've been supplied with a large quantity of pills, should you need any. I will say that sleeping it off may be a better alternative, as I've been told that alongside the aspirin, there are both placebo pills and a few others with some more "interesting" effects. I chose not to ask exactly what. I think it's better that way.
And finally, do you spend your time drinking when you have other things you ought to take care of? I'm trying to come up with an example, but I have to say that I think this point is rather moot, since we're all trapped in a place like this, camper and counselor alike. Here, is there really anything more important that you absolutely need to deal with? Besides the fire ants in your bed and the monster in the lake. I wonder if those aren't more easily dealt with in an inebriated state.
Please take care to note that I don't condone underage drinking, but I've been told if I don't at least attempt this job, I'll be building my next mobile suit out of popsicle sticks and glue. So! Can you see two of me yet?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED!
Character: Charley J. Krishund ("Cherry")
Series: Vassalord
Character Age: Physically 28, actually over a hundred years old.
Job: Puncture Wound Specialist
Canon: The world of Vassalord is a semi-modern Earth with all the comforts of home, including familiar countries, familiar technology, and familiar vampire mythos that differ from coast to coast. This doesn't mean that the actual existence of vampires is ever called into question--after all, does anyone ever believe everything they read about or see on TV? In Vassalord, ordinary humans do ordinary things, and they're rarely given cause to question a supernatural hand in their everyday lives. That's why the mythos have remained mythos and why the idea of someone going around making flawed vampires is barely anything to blog about . . . It's also why a vampire like Johnny Rayflo can live a luxuriant lifestyle and hide in plain sight.
Johnny is a centuries-old playboy. Charley J. Krishund is his son, or, more accurately, a young man he sired well over a century ago. Together, they fight crime! Charley is a vampire out to destroy the troublemakers of his breed. He's a militant Catholic who refuses to drink the blood of humans, using Johnny's blood for food instead. He's a somber man who takes his duties very seriously, with aims to eliminate wrongdoers using some nifty swordplay and the nigh-invincibility of his half-robot body. All in all, Charley isn't exactly the most fun guy to be around. He's kind and polite, but still typically inexpressive in his dealings with others. He has his soft spots, though, including a discreet but all-encompassing devotion to Johnny (whom he calls "Master") and a blushy reaction to being mistaken for a priest. And he'd never turn away from someone in need--unless, of course, that someone is Johnny and the need is somewhere in his pants.
You see, Charley is also famous for his prudishness. It's why Johnny's most affectionate nickname for him is "Cherry," in reference to his metaphorical chastity belt of solid steel.
Sample Post:
While I'm afraid my medicinal experience is unfortunately limited for this line of duty, a request is a request. To ignore the maladies of an entire population would just be inhumane . . . and to be frank, I don't think I could ignore it if I tried. I saw a group in the woods staggering around shot literally half to hell, with holes you could see through and--why, yes, with their kneecaps "capped". They groaned for . . . for brains, I believe. I interpreted this as a plea for someone with the intellect to put them out of their misery. It wasn't my place to grant them God's mercy, so I instead prayed for their safe passage--either to the next life, or at least back across the brick road from which they came. It shouldn't be hard to find again. If I'm not mistaken, it was yellow.
Now . . . being assigned some measure of responsibility for all of you, I really hope you start to take better care of yourselves and those surrounding you. My official job is "Puncture Wound Specialist". To be fair, I've more experience with the avoidance thereof, so . . . I think I'll also talk about how to protect yourself from the potential danger inherent in needless penetration. How does that sound? Fulfilling . . . ? That's the spirit.
When I passed the group from earlier, I noticed a lot of the injuries were from bullet wounds. First of all, it should go without saying that guns are dangerous. I would ask you to please take into account the safety functions with which most firearms are equipped. So many ills can be avoided by the use of protection when handling something as violently eruptive as a gun. And aiming a gun at yourself is pretty much always completely inadvisable. Yes, rubber bullets still hurt. No, nothing exciting, fanged, or clawed really comes out of a skull when you aim a gun at it. Don't listen to your friends, it's mostly just bone fragments and brains.
Puncture wounds are also often caused by everyday sharp objects. Now . . . since this is a summer camp, you all must roast things, right? Marshmallows, hot dogs--that sort of thing. Please be wary of skewers, ordinary sharpened sticks, and--ah? You're not permitted to manhandle hot wood? I suppose that takes care of a number of issues. What else . . . ? Don't run with scissors, and if you must run with an actual offensive blade please make sure the cutting edge isn't aimed at any part of yourself you particularly treasure. I hear the clamp-like grip of fighter fervency is sometimes hard to shake off, but that's really no reason to lose an eye.
Finally, a subject I'll expand on further in later days: the care of puncture wounds. The steps are simple--stop the bleeding, clean the injury, and keep it free of infection. The care of punctures is largely dependent on the puncture's location and depth; in case you're unsure, contact a doctor as soon as possible. The body was only made to withstand a certain number and severity of lacerations, so I really must insist that you all take care of yourselves before you're ripped a new one.
Poll Vote!
Character: Bela Talbot
Series: Supernatural
Age: 24
Job: Business Management Seminars: Mergers and Acquisitions
Canon: Ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night? Supernatural's got them all, but this ain't no kid's Halloween party. As it turns out, all those things you were scared of when you were young aren't just real: they're violent, crazy, and a bitch to kill. In this world you have the oblivious masses, the supernatural monsters, and hard-bitten paranormal Hunters like our heroes Sam and Dean Winchester, who try and make the world a little safer by doing cleanup duty on a variety of demons, spirits, and powerful hoodoo artifacts.
And then there's Bela Talbot, a secondary character in a class all her own. Less concerned with exterminating evil than with filling her own fat pocketbook, Bela is far more than a thief. She's a great thief, and the goods she purveys tend to be of the sort that most people wouldn't even believe in. Selling talismans, charms, curse objects and grisly trophies, Bela's more than willing to run the risk of endangering herself and others (well, mostly others really) if that's what it takes to get her superstitious clients the items they're interested in. But she doesn't stop there. She also banks on her knowledge of the supernatural world, providing information to those in trouble... but rarely solutions, since those require heroic action. Sometimes she'll even run a believable con without ever bringing actual spirits into the mix at all. Basically if there's a way to squeeze a little money out, Bela's there. She's a consummate professional with class to spare, but human kindness, decency, and integrity? Not so much.
Sample Post:
The best way to pick something up quickly is to learn by example.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it, because I don't actually have the time to sit back and run your little informational get together. But what I do have time for? Is getting as much out of this day as any of you do. So let's make a deal, shall we? I'll tell you what you want to know, and you tell me what I want to know. I may be your teacher, but I'm sure that there's a great deal I don't know yet.
Just for example, suppose I was interested in love charms. Not personally, you understand. But I'm aware of some powerful mojo that gets worked around here a few times a year... makes you biannually bi-curious, let's say? Now that's an ingredient I think quite a few lonely cooks might be interested in throwing into their pots. So if you could just give me a few solid dates? Just point it out on the calendar. December and July? Very interesting. And that, lads, is what I would call an acquisition. See what I did there? I knew what I wanted, I threw out a few bits of information to make it clear that I was well informed on the subject, and very soon now I'll get what's coming to me.
Let's take another test run. How about... oh, I don't know. The secret of resurrection? Don't be shy, somebody here must know what I'm talking about. I don't mean the zombies of course. Any voodoo witch can bring a man back to life if she's not too particular about what part of her he's going to chew on, but I for one would like to keep my flawless complexion. And I'm sure any clients of mine would too. But I understand that there are a privileged few here who get to come back without a hair turned. I must confess I'm showing my hand a little more fully than I usually would by admitting that I've never heard of something like that before, but since we've got a student-teacher bond, I suppose I trust you to help me. Anyone care to prove me right? After all, you wouldn't want my blood on your hands, would you? It's a dangerous world out there. And don't worry, I'll scratch your back in return. I don't think much of debt. As for what I could do... just pretend for a moment that I might be able to pull a few strings and get you out of here. I do have connections.
I see. Moogles? And can you just use a piece or do you need the whole fuzzy little bear? Oh don't look so shocked. Mergers and acquisitions, murders and executions... potato potato, wouldn't you agree?
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Madara/'Nyanko-sensei'
Series: Natsume Yuujinchou (The Natsume Book of Friends)
Character Age: Unspecified, but OLD. Is a spirit!
Job: Alcohol Distribution Enforcer
Canon: Once upon a time, there was a lonely girl named Natsume Reiko who could communicate with spirits. Ostracized as a freak and a witch by others, she turned to the supernatural for companionship. Incredibly powerful, she beat dozens of spirits in contests and took their names, with which she could control or even destroy them. These names were compiled into the Book of Friends, which she later passed down to her grandson Takashi. Natsume Yuujinchou is the story of Takashi's quest to return the names of the spirits. Unfortunately, he often has to risk life and limb when angry beings mistake his spiritual energy for his careless grandmother's--or when more powerful ones want to take the Book of Friends for themselves.
Madara is one such being, who tries to eat Natsume when the latter accidentally frees him. They make a bargain instead: if Madara protects Natsume on his quest, he will receive the Book if/when Natsume dies. Madara doesn't seem like ideal guardian material: his common form is that of an extremely fat, rotund cat, which earns him names like 'Nyanko-sensei,' 'buta-neko,' and 'Ponta.' Lazy, self-centered, easily distracted and crotchety, his only concerns seem to be eating fish, shrimp and sweets, drinking all the alcohol he can lay his paws on, singing horrible drunken karaoke and--all right, doing his job once in a while, although he would much rather eat Natsume. Really. He does display affection for humans, sometimes helping them out despite claiming to scorn them as weak. This is not the only thing he's bad at lying about: though he denies that he is a cat, he inadvertently ends up acting like one (playing with cat toys, going mad for fish, etc.) and making a fool of himself. Don't think this means he's topped by everything, though: his true form is incredibly badass (!111!!!), and he displays great wisdom and power when needed.
Sample Post:
Taking a mighty creature like me for a walk in the woods just to give some little spirit back its name, hmph! Silly Natsume, how slow he is, getting himself lost in a mere dense, dark and totally pathless forest like that. He deserves to be left behind for being so careless, but I'll sit here for five minutes and wait graciously for him to catch up. Wait, no, I'll ambush him and test his skills when he arrives! That rustling in the bushes--won't he be surprised.
HA, I'VE GOT YOU NOW--hfkldkg! Oi, who do you guys think you are, trying to fool me? Natsume has more limbs than all of you together, and you taste and smell disgusting, bleh! I'm not giving this foot back unless you answer a question, though, and tell me where to find a spirit who lives around here. She's called Marcy of the Nine Thousand and One Japanese Hellos. What an unnecessarily grand name for such small fry. If you don't know where she is, then get lost and don't bother me with your stupid moaning, groaning and boning back there, nya. Put it away and move on!
What, you're here to offer me a job? I already have a perfectly good job of my own, idiots, go away. But...Alcohol Distribution Enforcer of Camp Seafood, you say? Well, while I wait for a certain lazy human to come along, I suppose I can generously handle that responsibility for you for a few minutes. In fact, if you're having problems distributing that alcohol amongst yourselves, I have the perfect solution for you. Give it all to me, right now!
...it worked? Of course it worked. Nyahaha, of course you were right in picking the great and magnificent Madara for this job, which is perfect for him! Even if they are foreign, this Capurrnet Sauvignyan and this Mrrlots Nyar are delicious! You've done well, my new servants. Listen up: I'm so happy, that I'll do you all a great honor, and sing you a wonderful song to inspire you into getting me even more bottles!
♪ Ohhh all the zombie kittens mew about undead tempura blues
But Madara's got something for yooou, some brilliant happy news
I'm out of rhymes, nyan--oooo!
But! It's okay not to rhyme if you're drinking
Because more spirits are always fine toooooo~ ♪
Hsst! What do you think you're doing?! That wasn't an invitation to swarm me, you rotting, ignorant ingrates, and how dare you refer to laying your filthy hands on me as a simple game of touch-the-pussy! In fact, how dare you mistake me for a cat at all, when my true self is so undeniably majestic and noble, nya! You're not even threatening at all, gibbering back there, telling me there's no way I can take on all of this Seafood by myself. You'd better prepare to eat your words, because this pussy can swallow up anyone and anything you throw at it, right here, right now. DELICIOUS SEAFOOD: READY OR NOT, HERE I COOOME!
--n-nyan. Is THAT Marcy? I...I think I need another drink.
Poll Vote!
Name: Zelos Wilder
Age: 22
Series: Tales of Symphonia
Job: Camp Recruiter
With two worlds, and one hell of a religion on both of them, Tales of Symphonia is the story about the hero finding a way to save everyone! And a solution for a problem that has lasted thousands of years! And... overthrowing the tyrannical dogma that requires a chosen person as a sacrifice every now and again for both worlds. Zelos Wilder is one such Chosen, working as the secondary muscle for the party. His other hobbies include spying, betraying, and being the comic relief for the rest of the party.
Zelos is your typical pampered rich kid when you first look at him. He uses his position to get everything that he could ever want: dates, gifts, money, power, and even hundreds of gorgeous women (whom he calls 'hunnies') willing to let him copy their homework. And did I mention that he likes to flirt? Because he really likes to flirt. Zelos's repertoire of pick up lines range from corny to cornier, and we try to not speak about his nonexistent taste in women (read: two legs and female). He also tends to break awkward silences by pretty much ignoring the problem, and being obnoxiously cheerful. While there is a serious side to him, he lets next to no one see it, and instead prefers to play dumb. That side is one he'd sooner joke about than show anyone seriously. Though, he is pretty good at math, for what it's worth?
Sample App:
Well, you called the right person, and not a moment too soon, because this place needs a lot of work, kitten. I'll give you every reason to give the great Zelos Wilder the job of attracting more hunnies and some dudes can come too, I guess. I'm here to help with getting this place a lot more lively. Don't you worry about a thing, my darling director~ And after this, we can venture into the wilderness of my heart. ♥ So, let's see what I've got to work with. As much as I'd love to hand out pictures of me and call it a day, I'd hate to make all the beautiful ladies mad if I'm not available, due to some boss-employee private time.... Start simple and work your way up! So how about the name of this place? Camp Fuck You Die, right?... Weeell, when I think of 'camp', I certainly don't think of dying, though the middle part can stay, hehehe... But nothing's written in stone yet, so let's talk about changing that name, since it's the easiest thing to do.
I know it might be hard, as deeply rooted in tradition as summer camp can be, to consider changing the name. And it's been a long two or three or whatever years, so parting is such sweet sorrow and all that, but really. Come on, doesn't Camp Find Your something-that-starts-with-a-D sound better? You've seen it before, I know. Campers and counselors alike constantly mess up on the name, but it's worked to your advantage so far. Don't think I haven't seen all those faulty advertisements you've sent out~ Attracting the gorgeous babes does nothing if you can't keep them, you know. I'm not sure what to change the name to, so let's put that on a handy 'to-do list.' We've still got to negotiate how much creative license I have, and how far I can really go... though I'd go to the ends of the earth if you asked me to, my beautiful hunny. ♥
So now let's work on your description. "A zombie-infested summer camp in Louisiana?" It's simple, sure, and gets the point across, but there's absolutely nothing left to the imagination! And who wants to go to a camp infested with monsters for a romantic getaway? Let's focus on the good things about Camp-Whatever-I-Wanna-Call-It. Strip away the name and you've got... crazy vines and touchy-feely monsters all over the place.
But this isn't a bad thing! A little touch can go a long way, especially with those lonely hunnies who just need to know that someone cares. So, when talking about the crazy monsters-- in fact, let's call them "advanced wildlife." So, the advanced wildlife is just trying to work on the level of a master, like... oh, me. Work with it! Nothing will bring hunnies and some guys to camp faster than explaining the abundance of love to be found. Why not add a little spice, and mention the underwear tree? 'The finest lingerie, available as though it grows on trees.' It'll be no good if I'm not here, of course, but surely you wouldn't send me away after I've come so far just to be your knight in shining armor? If all of these suggestions are too much to handle, I understand. We can do things the easy way. After all, I've got just the perfect picture of me to hand out~
Poll Vote!
Character name: Sister Monica Argento
Series: Trinity Blood
Age: ~27
Job: Safety Instructor ♥
Canon: The Trinity Blood manga is an adaptation of the "political thriller" Trinity Blood novels. While keeping with the same general concepts (vampires, political unrest, lost heirs to kingdoms!) the manga gives the story a bit of a shoujo bent to it. The story traces the plucky Sister Esther Blanchett's trials and tribulations as she encounters friends, foes, ditzy priests and sadistic anarchists. And, like most all-loving determined big eyed heroines, Esther seems to amass a regular cast of antagonists who want to try and kill her.
You might be asking yourself, but who would want to kill such a plucky lass? If you answered 'That Super Ninja Secret Organization that Fights Evil and is Also Run by the Vatican' you would be right! If you answered 'everyone else' you might also be right, but this app isn't about everyone else. That Organization, also called AX, is kind of like the Special Ops freakshow of the Vatican. They beat up vampires and take their lunch money, basically.
But Sister Monica Argento doesn't just beat up vampires, she has a range of talents! One of which is ignoring your personal bubble and comfort zone. Another is pulling your organs out of your body. A third and relatively important talent is an easygoing attitude that encourages banter at gunpoint and inquiring if dead or alive realllly means 'dead or dead' is acceptable. One might even say that Monica takes enjoyment out of a dead or dead order. She specializes in manhunts and inspires a unique form of dread that can only be achieved by a swagger and breasts large enough to drown a small pope in.
Sample Entry:
Why hello there, boys and girls, things and thingettes~.
As an expert in safe behaviour, I've been requested to explain the virtues of keeping your hands to yourself. First of all being that nobody enjoys having no hands. I'm sure there's no need to elaborate on point one, except to say that sometimes when someone like me holds a knife and you have hands. . . well, accidents happen. The second is that molestation is hardly safe behaviour for anyone involved.
It seems to me you've all been indulging in a liberal definition of hello. One that includes some invasion of personal bubbles. I'm a conservative woman of the Church -- aah~, don't give me such a look. It's no good to doubt me, you know. As your instructor, I hope that I have some of your trust. If not then this relationship just isn't going work out. It would be a real shame if we couldn't get along, you know~? And remember the first point I made, nobody enjoys having no hands.
Let's see, let's see. . . maybe to properly demonstrate I'll need a volunteer. There are just so many to choose from. . . but I choose you ♥ Ara ara, you're already doing it wrong. Stand up straight, and if you're going to lean, put your hands elsewhere, Meat-chan. You don't mind if I call you that, right? This is a good time to point out another safe behaviour, the buddy system! It's ingenious really, because you can keep people you know from doing stupid things. We're all buddies here, right? Remember, friends don't let friends say hello unsafely.
Now, Meat-chan is going to demonstrate the wrong way to say hell-- you're jumping the gun a bit, dear. And because I'm a friend I'm going to let Meat-chan know what he did wrong. The right way to shake hands is like this -- see, just extend your hand, grab the other person's. . . oh dear, my hand slipped. Silly me, holding a knife and everything.
Don't be so stupid, Meat-chan, this is one of those life lessons. People who practice unsafe behaviour end up suffering from unsafe consequences. Luckily for everyone else, if they ever encounter an unsafe situation, I volunteer to be their adult and help them out ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Zakuro
Series: Saiyuki
Character Age: Some kinda adult
Job: Master of Illusion Failvillain Mentor
Canon: Saiyuki tells of the quest of one Sanzo Party to the West in order to stop the revival of a Big Bad Youkai and the spread of the 'Minus Wave' that renders youkai kinda nuts. Of course, they are not unopposed and their quest is constantly interrupted by those who stand against them.
Zakuro first appeared as a true threat to the Sanzo Party, his Powers Of Illusion proving almost deadly. Then he lost and was instantly downgraded to Failvillain that no one takes seriously. He is egotistical, flamboyant, and enjoys long-winded speeches. And those are his positive traits. Zakuro is also easily lost, a strange blend of well educated with lack of sense, and for no apparent reason birds love to attack him. But that's okay because he is the Great Zakuro and nothing will make him appear less grand than he truly is!
Sample Post:
Salutations, pitiful children of this pathetic hole! I am the mighty Zakuro! Prepare to pay tribute to myself and all youkai kind!
Is what I would like to say. However! I am now under the employment of the Director. A fiercer creature does not exist. This is both to her advantage and disadvantage. She is so very not cute. This Zakuro is disappointed in the state of woman overlords these days. Ahem! As I was saying! I have arrived here by way of paid employment and a very helpful undead guide. Despite our differences, specifically in species, I will be here to assist you as long as I am receiving a sizable paycheck. While I have my pride as a youkai, I will share my vast knowledge. What are you to be so honored as to learn from this keen intellect? My position in this camp is that of MASTER OF ILLUS--... Beg pardon? Failvillain Mentor?
I do not know what offends me more! So falsely accusing me, the great me, of failure... Or the lack of space between the words on this letter of appointment! Such a failure of proper English in such an important document unsettles me greatly! This is not only an attack on the mighty Zakuro but on the written language itself! I am incensed! Incensed!! I demand that this be corrected this very moment! Undead guide, please bring this back to the Director's office this instant to be corrected or I will be forced to resign before I even begin! This is preposterous!
Just because I was lost for three days in this desolate swamp does not make me a failure in the least bit. It was a cunning trap laid out by these malicious trees so haunted by the spirits of the angry dead. And I eventually thwarted this most perfectly set trap! THWARTED! Do not measure my success by the hours spent searching for the path! The incident involving the lake was, of course, beyond my control considering I was never informed of the presence of such a unique creature who like many women is very assertive when confronted by the sight of a fine specimen of a man. She merely could not control herself and what occurred in the aftermath of our meeting was fueled by the insatiable lust most women experience upon seeing me. This was no act of "fail" on my part. In fact, it happened because I am full of "win," as the children say.
Likewise, though the surprisingly large and unusual for this terrain population of toucans has attacked me on a consistent basis since my arrival, we are coming to an understanding! This mockery will soon cease as I double cross them and deepfr--asdfggh!
It is obviously a work in progress.
Poll Vote!
Character Name: Kotobuki Ebi
Series: Hanazakari no Kimitachi e (AKA Hana Kimi)
Age: 25
Job: Relationship Exit Counselor
Canon: Hana Kimi is the heartwarming tale of the sweetest trap this side of Japan and her more than slightly stalker-obsessive love for one young high jumper. And, if it weren't for the fact that she's just so damn cute, she might have been slapped with a restraining order by now. So she comes to infiltrate an all boys school (poorly) and sexually confuse a good portion of the student body who, luckily for her, are just as clueless as she is. However, aside from wacky rabu rabu hijinks, Mizuki spends most of her time assembling a mafia befriending everyone she meets.
Enter Kotobuki Ebi, one such member of the Mizuki mafia. Ebi is an ex-model turned make-up artist and also, to Mizuki and Co.'s surprise, their photographer Hara Akiha's ex-wife. Having parted on good terms, Ebi and Akiha remain close friends and even work together; now that's what we call keepin' it classy. A complete professional on the job, she takes pride in her work and it is clear she means business. Confident, kind and full of all sorts of handy dandy advice about relationships and being yourself, Ebi's upbeat nature is more than a little infectious.
Sample Post:
Hello, Kotobuki Ebi checking in! I look forward to working with you all. So let's try to make this shoot a success! Now, could I have someone help me with the cases I brought? Perhaps the man in the gorilla costume? Thanks, they go right over there by the bodybag props. I'll start with you first, so please take a seat while I set up the mak- uh oh! Are you alright? Here, take my hand. I've never seen a chair just collapse like that! Although, considering how every part of this set is either molding or collapsing in some way or another, I shouldn't be surprised. They did an amazing job. It really feels like walking into a zombie camp with no hope of returning home, doesn't it?
This is pretty cool, but I wasn't told it was going to be a horror movie. When the director phoned me about the job all she mentioned was that it was a light-hearted coming-of-age tale about kids in a summer camp. She said light-hearted, but looking around now, it seems like anything but. I don't really mind working on a horror film, but because of the misunderstanding I'm not as prepared as I'd like. Ah, I should stop rambling and get back to the job that I'm here for! But how exactly am I supposed to apply make up to fur? It's not a costume? A prank like that isn't very funny. Besides, even if it were true, testing cosmetics on animals is illegal. I understand that people like to break rules here, but if you don't mind, I'd rather not.
You know what? I'll skip the gorillas for now and work on the zombies until we've got this fur thing resolved. Besides, I need to have a conversation with the director about her instructions. 'Pimp their hides' isn't exactly helpful direction. Now, if all the undead could please form more of a line than a horde, we'll be able to get to each of you more quickly. And can one of you tell me is this shoot in color or black and white? "Brains"? I'm glad you're so dedicated to your role and staying in character. It's nice to see that sort of commitment, but considering I take pride in my job too, I need to know what sort of shoot this is. "Nom nom nom"? I can see this is going nowhere, and fast. If you could just point me to the director… you ate her? You raped her? You slapped her around with a large trout? This isn't very professional.
If I'm supposed to do my job you've got to- what do you mean I'm not here to do make-up? No, I am not here for the counselor position. Besides, I've never heard of a summer camp with a relationship exit counselor. Yes, I am divorced, but that isn't really any of your business. Now, I would like to think that you'd show me half the respect I deserve. None of this is in my contract, the director and I had an agreement. Of course I believed her. We're both professionals, aren't we?
…Why are you laughing?
Poll Vote!
Character: Billy Katagiri
Series: Mobile Suit Gundam 00
Character Age: 31
Job: Booze Enabler
Canon: Solar power good! Fossil fuels bad! In the future, humanity has finally converted to solar power, but unfortunately, this limitless supply of energy benefits only the large countries. This causes no end of conflicts in the world as they know it. Enter Celestial Being, a private military organization, intent on eliminating all conflict through the use of giant robots. They're super effective, causing the other larger countries to band together to fight them.
One of the larger countries in the aforementioned power block is the Union! Billy Katagiri works for the Mobile Suit Warehouse and Development Branch, which is a fancy way of saying that he is responsible for the development and improvement of their mobile suits - their giant robots. He takes a lot of pride in that work, and is quite passionate about it too, given that one of the Union's most important pilots is his best friend. Billy Katagiri is a nice, laid-back kind of guy, if a little sentimental. He also has a long-standing stalking arrangement crush on Sumeragi Li Noriega, and it's with her that he sometimes shows a little recklessness, carelessly divulging military secrets for the sake of her attention, without knowing her affiliation. Love is blind.
Sample Post:
Hey, everyone. It looks like I'll be working here from today. Billy Katagiri - it's good to meet you all. I can't say that I completely understand the role I'll be playing here, though as long as I'm able to see that woman again, I suppose it's alright. Anyway, the director, Miss Elizabeth, has requested I ask some questions of all of you before I begin enabling. Let's see here...
A brief look at your current habits, then. Do people close to you complain about your drinking habits, and are they complaining enough? Do they moan excessively and loudly? If they're not, you have a problem. However, note that if they do, it's possible that they're zombies and should be disregarded. If you can't see their mouths move, then they're likely the psychic toucans. That, or you're already drunk. In the latter case, you don't need my help. Congratulations! You're well on your way.
As for frequency - just how often do you drink alone? I suppose this is where I really start to come in, isn't it. If you don't have anyone else, you can call on me. To put it in the director's words, "If you're just going to drink alone, take Billy. He's better than nothing." ... But back to the matter of frequency, how often do you experience hangovers? I've been supplied with a large quantity of pills, should you need any. I will say that sleeping it off may be a better alternative, as I've been told that alongside the aspirin, there are both placebo pills and a few others with some more "interesting" effects. I chose not to ask exactly what. I think it's better that way.
And finally, do you spend your time drinking when you have other things you ought to take care of? I'm trying to come up with an example, but I have to say that I think this point is rather moot, since we're all trapped in a place like this, camper and counselor alike. Here, is there really anything more important that you absolutely need to deal with? Besides the fire ants in your bed and the monster in the lake. I wonder if those aren't more easily dealt with in an inebriated state.
Please take care to note that I don't condone underage drinking, but I've been told if I don't at least attempt this job, I'll be building my next mobile suit out of popsicle sticks and glue. So! Can you see two of me yet?
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