(no subject)
EARLY FIRST ROUND! Keep sending your apps in as they're still open until 6am EST!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Regina George
Series: Mean Girls
Character Age: 16
Canon: 'Mean Girls' is the not-so-heartwarming tale of Cady Heron, a formerly home-schooled girl who is sent to high school for the first time when her parents decide that she needs to have reconnect with her peers. She quickly discovers the numerous cliques and social codes of the school, as she gets sucked into a world of drama, backstabbing, and social sabotage.
But please, this canon section is not about that. Regina George, leader of the clique known only as The Plastics, is the undisputed queen bee of North Shore High School. She's that particular sort of fabulous teenaged A-lister: rich, beautiful, and prone to inspiring obsessive behaviour in her peers, whether it be positive or negative. This is because Regina George is, to put it succinctly, a mean girl. A very mean girl. Having been raised in an "anything goes" home environment, Regina is spoiled, vain, and knows exactly how to get her own way. With behaviour that ranges from sneaky and passive-aggressive to outright hostile and aggressive-aggressive, Regina George is the sort of person who stirs up drama for fun; who backstabs and gossips to keep herself at the top of the high school food chain, and all of her little lackeys in their rightful places-below her on the social ladder. With an entitlement complex as big as the mansion she lives in, being a "life-ruiner" is just business as usual to Regina.
Sample Post:
Hi, mysterious run-down village thing which is totally not a rip-off of that one movie with the blind girl where Adrian Brody was retarded? It's Regina George. I think we need to have a little chat. Like, firstly, why am I here? Secondly, where is here? And lastly, who took my effing purse? I'm pretty sure abduction and theft is illegal, and believe me, it's not like I haven't sued before. I didn't pay all of that money to go to Skeezy Shacksville, U.S.A. for vacation, okay? This doesn't look like a good place to tan, it looks like a place where someone would marry their own uncle. While wearing denim. Denim overalls. Ew.
So yeah, this sure sucks for me, but it's your lucky day. In the seven minutes it should take for 911 police guys to get here, I guess I could teach you a thing or two about taking this fugly, swampy camp resort and turning it into... well, okay, I don't think I can make it not-fugly or not-swampy, but you know what I mean. I can totally help you make it functioning like a regular place in no time, stupid horror theme or not. There's just a few rules I think we all need to agree upon.
Number 1: I've noticed that there seems to be some disorganization going on here, and, like... don't you all think it's a little weird? You've got a cafeteria-ugh, Mess Hall, my bad, you were going for that inbred folksy thing-and you're all just all over the place. How do people know where they're supposed to sit? It's such a good thing that you've got me here to help you. What you guys need is set tables for all your little groups. I've even thought of a few already! Waaay Too Skinny Emo Guys, Girls Who Probably Had Boob Jobs Because There Is No Way Those Are Real, Asian Girls Who Have Pink And/Or Blue Hair For Some Reason... you get the idea.
Number 2: I'm calling for the ban on all eye patches. It isn't Halloween yet, and the whole "I'm pretending to be a pirate because of Johnny Depp!" thing is completely lame. Come on, no one actually believes you lost an eye, guys. It's time to end the charade.
Number 3: Speaking of Halloween rejects, zombies haven't been relevant since... like, before we were all born, okay? They're the gayest monsters ever, and they can't even do anything interesting or scary. If you're going for the played-out Fright Night look, just go with vampires. At least those can be sexy, unlike those has-been idiots over there who look like they snorted Sharpies or something. Their eyes? Totally blood-shot. Ever think about drug-testing your staff?
Right, this has all been very tragic, but I should be going now. Don't bother thanking me; the satisfaction of a job well done is good enough for me. So, laters, biyotches. I've got a plane to Cuba and a manicure to catch.
Poll Vote!
Name: Lar'c Melk Malk
Series: Diebuster
Age: approximately 15
Canon: Following the legacy of the venerable Ganaix mecha show Gunbuster, Diebuster is its sequel, where humanity has overcome its humble beginnings by colonizing the Earth's solar system and turning into a prosperous galactic civilization. But in the process they've...somehow...attracted the ire of several thousand space monsters. To prevent the destruction of humanity, a force of elite mecha pilots, known as the Topless, was formed. Consisting entirely of teenagers who have amazing psychic power, each member seemingly has the same goal--to be known as the best pilot, and nothing else.
Lar'c is the current top pilot of the Topless, infamous across the galaxy. However, fame is not all that it's cracked up to be: everyone either hates or loves her abilities with no in between, ignoring everything else about her. She tries to stay aloof of people's desires to use, abuse or gain her skills, earning her the nickname of "Princess Lar'c". But Lar'c's got a soft spot for people in need, and she meets her only friend, Nono, by rescuing her. Now if only this pesky alien war could give her a break, she might have time to act more like herself--caring, open and thoughtful, if a little shy and prone to arguing with anyone who she thinks is wrong.
Lar'c is taken from slightly after episode 5, from before her second trip to Mars.
Sample App:
I'll be willing to ignore your first mistake, Sergeant Gaaarg--if that really is your name, you all look like you have something wrong with your nametags--if you'll just listen to me for a second here. This entire camp is a gigantic breach of protocol. And normally I don't care, but this is pathetic, even for you Space Navy types. I'm going to do you a favor here, since we don't have a lot of time here to waste, and I expect you to listen. And if not, I'm gonna report you and your men to your superior officers and you'll get busted back down to ensign, if you're lucky. So work with me--you don't have anything to lose by listening to a little girl, I promise. It's not like you had any dignity left, right?
Willing to try? Great, let's start off with these restraints here. Remove them quickly enough and I won't mention that you forgot to take them off once we got off the shuttle. I'm on the planet now, so I won't break your hull. It's safe--there we go. Now. About this ridiculous uniform you're trying to put me in--Sergeant! Control your men! I'm not putting on that sequined thing, so you can just put that back. I may be part of the Idol team, but that doesn't mean what you think it means. I don't spend my time dancing around space, I don't do bikinis, and I won't wear platform heels. And I'm not giving out my autograph until we're done, so just try and focus here, all right? Stop howling!
There we go. Now that you're finally all in order, we can begin practicing the first set of exercises--a little stretching so none of you hurt yourselves. Oh? You have another standard procedure to follow? Fine, just hand me that manual so we can get this over with and I can get on with the real point of this exercise.
Wait...what is this? This isn't a training manual. What does Cindi Lauper's Greatest Hits have to do with this? This has to be a joke. Wait--is that "Girls Just Want To Have Fun?" And a Galaxy Idol signup sheet?
That's it. I'm turning my mech around and going home.
Poll Vote!
Character: Hiruma Youichi
Series: Eyeshield 21 (manga)
Character Age: 17
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is a sports manga on American Football. Its story follows the experiences and matches of the rookie team, Deimon Devilbats, as they claw their way up to the Christmas Bowl to claim the title of champion.
Enter Hiruma, Captain and Quarterback of the Devilbats. Cunning, intelligent, and known for his strategies on and off the field, opponents call him the "control tower of hell". With his pointy ears, fanged teeth and cackling laughter, some even doubt he's human. But one thing's for sure, Hiruma is one psychotic football-obsessed maniac. He can and will do anything (short of actually cheating, of course) to train his team for the Christmas Bowl, to the extent of even wheeling around in an oxygen capsule vehicle so he doesn't waste time recovering from injuries. His favorite resource is using blackmail from information collected in his little black notebook; failing that, he always has his full arsenal of weaponry to shoot people into commission with.
Hiruma's dog, Cerberus, is not unlike its owner with regards to its vicious personality. In fact, Hiruma frequently uses Cerberus to train the Devilbats. As if everything else isn't terrifying enough, Hiruma's also an incurable potty mouth. Not only can his lines be particularly foul ("Enough of that sticky pre-cum, let it go to your heart's content!"), he addresses people by adding "fucking" before a chosen nickname (eg. fucking fatass) as well. When triumphant, "YA-HA~!" is Hiruma's trademark victory cry.
Note: Hiruma is taken right before the Teikoku match.
Sample post:
All right, line up fucking undead, your training regime from hell begins right now, so quit your moaning before I introduce you to my friend Bazooka McShooty! --oops, sorry, seems he's a little eager to say hello. Pick up your head and get back in line.
So. First thing we've got to correct is your slow-paced shuffling! Came here to gather an all-star undead team to train up the idiots back home and what do I find? Useless shambling undead. Shambling doesn't work with American football. Sprinting, lunging, biting undead, we're getting close. Shambling? Could've used survivors of the fucking scrabble club I nuked two weeks ago!
Unfortunately, going home empty-handed: not an option. With the Christmas Bowl right round the corner and the coaching team blasted into immobility because the fucking Fatass fell onto the landmines, the Devilbats need a new challenge. All the better to hone their skills with and KILL OUR OPPONENTS.
What was that? Never heard of American football? Smack right in the birth place of professional football and you've never heard of it. Huh. Suppose I can't fault you for that. Can't expect the fuzzy rapist woodland creatures and that playful squid in the lake to know anything about rough and tumble contact sport. So, why don't we have a little demonstration! This here is a large femur bone. You over there on the side, fucking one-eye, hold this. No? Let's see what the little black book has to say about that. Well, what have we here! Seems you personally hand-sewed soft toys to hand out to younger campers when you still had your other eye! What a scary zombie thing to do, I'm sure your undead comrades will find this fascinating. And look! The little black book even has a picture of you wearing an apron and playing nursemaid to- ...what? You'll hold the bone? Knew you'd change your mind! Now then, what was the next step? Ah, that's right!
Cerberus, FETCH.
Kekeke, so you lot can run! Might be of some use, after all. Well, seeing as how we don't need to work on the first problem anymore, let's move on to the next one. Once the gorillas are all psyched up and ready to ravish every single thing in sight, the next exercise can begin. In two weeks, my friends, you'll be the best undead American Football team in the world! Ya-HA~!!
... McShooty says, MORE ENTHUSIASM. Much better.
Poll Vote!
Character: Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker
Series: Cry-Baby: The Musical
Character Age: 19
Canon: It's Baltimore 1954. There are anti-polio picnics with poster-boys in iron lungs, and a thick line between the status-quo "Squares" and the not so status-quo "Drapes." Drapes like skipping school to make out at a movie; they drink, smoke, shoot pool and bust out of Juvie. They're also fond of lurking in abandoned alleyways, so you'll learn real fast that you've gotta watch your ass in these days. One of the more notorious Drapes is Wade Walker, better known to everybody as "Cry-Baby." An ironic name, as he hasn't shed a single tear since his parents were wrongfully accused of a crime and sentenced to death. He's a singer who loves him some rock and roll, and his story and rebellious attitude catch the interest of a Square-raised girl named Allison, who wants to cross to his side of the tracks.
But Cry-Baby Walker isn't as bad a boy as everybody paints him to be. Nobody gets him, they say he's no good. Nobody understands he's misunderstood. He's got a vision of a world that's fair, where it doesn't matter if you're Drape or Square. All he wants is a little respect and some justice for his family name. When he has dickish Squares framing him for setting fires and putting him in the Vocational Lockup for Wayward Punks, Cry-Baby keeps on going in all of his badass (if not occasionally retarded and clumsy) Drape glory, for the sake of his girl, his family name and his own image.
Sample Post:
Well well! I was pretty surprised when I got a personalized invitation to sing at Camp Fuck You Die's first and only ever anti-polio picnic. Thought the name was weird, and little did I know how true that'd prove to be. But they were nice enough to at least ask, and in my opinion a chance to sing is a chance best not passed up! But you guys have no idea what you're doin' with this thing. Food with forest friends ain't exactly my idea of a good picnic, and I'm sure everyone else agrees. Take a look at the sheddin' monkeys over there. Nobody wants purple fur-crusted apple pie courtesy of King Kong.
And the doctors you guys are hirin' look worse than the people they're givin' out shots to. But just because they probably skipped less school in their whole lives than I skip on a weekly basis doesn't mean they can go around talkin' about brains like they got more than me. It's cheatin' when the brains they claim to have so much of ain't even theirs.
What I can fix here, though, is the entertainment. Probably wasn't a good idea to let those birds on the stage in the first place, after lettin' them get into the booze. Robins are singin' birds, sure, but they don't sound so good when they're smashed. I don't sound half bad when it's me, but we won't be seein' me prove that any time soon, will we? Not when there's no more drinks left, thanks to them lushes. And drinks are one of the most important parts to a successful good time, which means I gotta sing my ass off, and good, to turn this baby back around. But I think I can do that, especially since my predecessors were borin' you all with songs about never givin' you up or lettin' you down. I'll take those lyrics and turn'em into a reality. Let's let the master take his mic, and start up a good ol' rock n' roll tune to really get you people entertained.
So docs, patients, and even you monkeys; gather 'round and put your hands together, because I'm gonna revive this walkin'-dead party!
♪ The place is sort of creepy
Sir can you please refrain
From grabbin' at my arm
And sayin' that you want my brain ♫
The entertainment's sort of dead
That's clear enough to see
So step on up
We'll start a Camp Rock You Out jubilee! ♪
You guys there in the crowd with no hands don't need to look so down - puttin' your stumps together works, too!
Poll Vote!
Character: Mochizuki Ryoji
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
Character Age: 17
Canon: Welcome to Persona 3, where you play as a transfer student who just recently moved to Iwatodai. It would be awesome if all was normal, but as this is a JRPG, it's quite clearly not possible. You soon come to learn that there's an hidden twenty-fifth hour just after midnight, one that only few people can actually experience, and that beings called "shadows" lurks within it. Your duty is to fight them summoning your innerself, a "Persona", by shooting yourself in the head.
Mochizuki Ryoji, however, has seemingly little to do with all of this. Yet another transfer student, he's more or less a very normal person, save for the fact that he's rather flirty and seems to have huge success with the ladies.
Personality-wise, Ryoji is a very silly and carefree boy. Despite being very popular, he's generally friendly with everyone, and he's a good person all around. Of course, he has a soft spot for the ladies, and that can be troublesome at times, but overall he's definitely someone nice to be with. But there is more to Ryoji than "hey look, I'm good-looking and I like to have fun!": It's not shown that often, but he does have a more serious side, and he can deal with serious matters just as well as he does with silly ones. He's definitely someone who loves life in all its aspects, and a friend good enough to sacrifice himself in order to let the people he cares for live peacefully.
Sample Post:
This place sure is big, huh? I've never been to a camp before; I wonder if it's normal? Well, it sure is interesting! There must be something special about it, if one of the items you can take upon entering is a shotgun. Maybe there's some sort of game going on? Heh, if that's the case, I'll be sure to score as higher as possible! I hope there are nice girls around, too! And since every girl is a precious flower and it's my duty to make them all feel special, I guess I'll date every one of them even if they're not exactly good-looking. That's what a real gentleman should do after all, and as one I should value their inner beauty, too.
All right, let's see... according to this guide, there should be a lake around here. I could bring girls to watch the sunset together over there! It'd be really romantic; I'm sure a lot of them would fall for it. Here it is! It really looks like a nice place, so I wonder why it's labeled as dangerous? Ah, I should check it out, see if there's a better view somewhere and--
WOAH, WHAT'S THAT?! Wait, I don't think it's-- I know it's hard to resist sometimes, but at least let's have some conversation before! Ah, good, you calmed down. Feel like letting me go? No..? Well, at least you stopped getting under my clothes. Say, you're a girl, aren't you? If you fell for my charm, you must be! Let's see... You sure have some pretty tentacles there, I wonder if it's hard to take care of them? Ah, but they seem just fine, so, you're doing a great job! You're not exactly what I'd call pretty, but as I said earlier, it's my duty to make every lady feel special for at least one minute...
Oh, I know, this should work. Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get. Wait, not my shirt, don't--! Too late, I guess. At least I still have my pants on. Say, I'm pretty sure me and you would get along just fine, but I just arrived and maybe it's better if I go rest. But don't worry, I'll put you in my list of things to do tonight, so... how about you let me go for now, and I'll catch up with you later? No, huh..? AH! Wait, don't put those tentacles there, I mean, it's only our first date! Wai--
WAAAAAH--!!
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Applicants, respond anonymously.
- If you're going to do the whole "ask me if I voted you out!" thing, please state who you voted out.
- No speculating about the identity of the applicants!
Now VOTE. CLOSED.
Character: Regina George
Series: Mean Girls
Character Age: 16
Canon: 'Mean Girls' is the not-so-heartwarming tale of Cady Heron, a formerly home-schooled girl who is sent to high school for the first time when her parents decide that she needs to have reconnect with her peers. She quickly discovers the numerous cliques and social codes of the school, as she gets sucked into a world of drama, backstabbing, and social sabotage.
But please, this canon section is not about that. Regina George, leader of the clique known only as The Plastics, is the undisputed queen bee of North Shore High School. She's that particular sort of fabulous teenaged A-lister: rich, beautiful, and prone to inspiring obsessive behaviour in her peers, whether it be positive or negative. This is because Regina George is, to put it succinctly, a mean girl. A very mean girl. Having been raised in an "anything goes" home environment, Regina is spoiled, vain, and knows exactly how to get her own way. With behaviour that ranges from sneaky and passive-aggressive to outright hostile and aggressive-aggressive, Regina George is the sort of person who stirs up drama for fun; who backstabs and gossips to keep herself at the top of the high school food chain, and all of her little lackeys in their rightful places-below her on the social ladder. With an entitlement complex as big as the mansion she lives in, being a "life-ruiner" is just business as usual to Regina.
Sample Post:
Hi, mysterious run-down village thing which is totally not a rip-off of that one movie with the blind girl where Adrian Brody was retarded? It's Regina George. I think we need to have a little chat. Like, firstly, why am I here? Secondly, where is here? And lastly, who took my effing purse? I'm pretty sure abduction and theft is illegal, and believe me, it's not like I haven't sued before. I didn't pay all of that money to go to Skeezy Shacksville, U.S.A. for vacation, okay? This doesn't look like a good place to tan, it looks like a place where someone would marry their own uncle. While wearing denim. Denim overalls. Ew.
So yeah, this sure sucks for me, but it's your lucky day. In the seven minutes it should take for 911 police guys to get here, I guess I could teach you a thing or two about taking this fugly, swampy camp resort and turning it into... well, okay, I don't think I can make it not-fugly or not-swampy, but you know what I mean. I can totally help you make it functioning like a regular place in no time, stupid horror theme or not. There's just a few rules I think we all need to agree upon.
Number 1: I've noticed that there seems to be some disorganization going on here, and, like... don't you all think it's a little weird? You've got a cafeteria-ugh, Mess Hall, my bad, you were going for that inbred folksy thing-and you're all just all over the place. How do people know where they're supposed to sit? It's such a good thing that you've got me here to help you. What you guys need is set tables for all your little groups. I've even thought of a few already! Waaay Too Skinny Emo Guys, Girls Who Probably Had Boob Jobs Because There Is No Way Those Are Real, Asian Girls Who Have Pink And/Or Blue Hair For Some Reason... you get the idea.
Number 2: I'm calling for the ban on all eye patches. It isn't Halloween yet, and the whole "I'm pretending to be a pirate because of Johnny Depp!" thing is completely lame. Come on, no one actually believes you lost an eye, guys. It's time to end the charade.
Number 3: Speaking of Halloween rejects, zombies haven't been relevant since... like, before we were all born, okay? They're the gayest monsters ever, and they can't even do anything interesting or scary. If you're going for the played-out Fright Night look, just go with vampires. At least those can be sexy, unlike those has-been idiots over there who look like they snorted Sharpies or something. Their eyes? Totally blood-shot. Ever think about drug-testing your staff?
Right, this has all been very tragic, but I should be going now. Don't bother thanking me; the satisfaction of a job well done is good enough for me. So, laters, biyotches. I've got a plane to Cuba and a manicure to catch.
Poll Vote!
Name: Lar'c Melk Malk
Series: Diebuster
Age: approximately 15
Canon: Following the legacy of the venerable Ganaix mecha show Gunbuster, Diebuster is its sequel, where humanity has overcome its humble beginnings by colonizing the Earth's solar system and turning into a prosperous galactic civilization. But in the process they've...somehow...attracted the ire of several thousand space monsters. To prevent the destruction of humanity, a force of elite mecha pilots, known as the Topless, was formed. Consisting entirely of teenagers who have amazing psychic power, each member seemingly has the same goal--to be known as the best pilot, and nothing else.
Lar'c is the current top pilot of the Topless, infamous across the galaxy. However, fame is not all that it's cracked up to be: everyone either hates or loves her abilities with no in between, ignoring everything else about her. She tries to stay aloof of people's desires to use, abuse or gain her skills, earning her the nickname of "Princess Lar'c". But Lar'c's got a soft spot for people in need, and she meets her only friend, Nono, by rescuing her. Now if only this pesky alien war could give her a break, she might have time to act more like herself--caring, open and thoughtful, if a little shy and prone to arguing with anyone who she thinks is wrong.
Lar'c is taken from slightly after episode 5, from before her second trip to Mars.
Sample App:
I'll be willing to ignore your first mistake, Sergeant Gaaarg--if that really is your name, you all look like you have something wrong with your nametags--if you'll just listen to me for a second here. This entire camp is a gigantic breach of protocol. And normally I don't care, but this is pathetic, even for you Space Navy types. I'm going to do you a favor here, since we don't have a lot of time here to waste, and I expect you to listen. And if not, I'm gonna report you and your men to your superior officers and you'll get busted back down to ensign, if you're lucky. So work with me--you don't have anything to lose by listening to a little girl, I promise. It's not like you had any dignity left, right?
Willing to try? Great, let's start off with these restraints here. Remove them quickly enough and I won't mention that you forgot to take them off once we got off the shuttle. I'm on the planet now, so I won't break your hull. It's safe--there we go. Now. About this ridiculous uniform you're trying to put me in--Sergeant! Control your men! I'm not putting on that sequined thing, so you can just put that back. I may be part of the Idol team, but that doesn't mean what you think it means. I don't spend my time dancing around space, I don't do bikinis, and I won't wear platform heels. And I'm not giving out my autograph until we're done, so just try and focus here, all right? Stop howling!
There we go. Now that you're finally all in order, we can begin practicing the first set of exercises--a little stretching so none of you hurt yourselves. Oh? You have another standard procedure to follow? Fine, just hand me that manual so we can get this over with and I can get on with the real point of this exercise.
Wait...what is this? This isn't a training manual. What does Cindi Lauper's Greatest Hits have to do with this? This has to be a joke. Wait--is that "Girls Just Want To Have Fun?" And a Galaxy Idol signup sheet?
That's it. I'm turning my mech around and going home.
Poll Vote!
Character: Hiruma Youichi
Series: Eyeshield 21 (manga)
Character Age: 17
Canon: Eyeshield 21 is a sports manga on American Football. Its story follows the experiences and matches of the rookie team, Deimon Devilbats, as they claw their way up to the Christmas Bowl to claim the title of champion.
Enter Hiruma, Captain and Quarterback of the Devilbats. Cunning, intelligent, and known for his strategies on and off the field, opponents call him the "control tower of hell". With his pointy ears, fanged teeth and cackling laughter, some even doubt he's human. But one thing's for sure, Hiruma is one psychotic football-obsessed maniac. He can and will do anything (short of actually cheating, of course) to train his team for the Christmas Bowl, to the extent of even wheeling around in an oxygen capsule vehicle so he doesn't waste time recovering from injuries. His favorite resource is using blackmail from information collected in his little black notebook; failing that, he always has his full arsenal of weaponry to shoot people into commission with.
Hiruma's dog, Cerberus, is not unlike its owner with regards to its vicious personality. In fact, Hiruma frequently uses Cerberus to train the Devilbats. As if everything else isn't terrifying enough, Hiruma's also an incurable potty mouth. Not only can his lines be particularly foul ("Enough of that sticky pre-cum, let it go to your heart's content!"), he addresses people by adding "fucking" before a chosen nickname (eg. fucking fatass) as well. When triumphant, "YA-HA~!" is Hiruma's trademark victory cry.
Note: Hiruma is taken right before the Teikoku match.
Sample post:
All right, line up fucking undead, your training regime from hell begins right now, so quit your moaning before I introduce you to my friend Bazooka McShooty! --oops, sorry, seems he's a little eager to say hello. Pick up your head and get back in line.
So. First thing we've got to correct is your slow-paced shuffling! Came here to gather an all-star undead team to train up the idiots back home and what do I find? Useless shambling undead. Shambling doesn't work with American football. Sprinting, lunging, biting undead, we're getting close. Shambling? Could've used survivors of the fucking scrabble club I nuked two weeks ago!
Unfortunately, going home empty-handed: not an option. With the Christmas Bowl right round the corner and the coaching team blasted into immobility because the fucking Fatass fell onto the landmines, the Devilbats need a new challenge. All the better to hone their skills with and KILL OUR OPPONENTS.
What was that? Never heard of American football? Smack right in the birth place of professional football and you've never heard of it. Huh. Suppose I can't fault you for that. Can't expect the fuzzy rapist woodland creatures and that playful squid in the lake to know anything about rough and tumble contact sport. So, why don't we have a little demonstration! This here is a large femur bone. You over there on the side, fucking one-eye, hold this. No? Let's see what the little black book has to say about that. Well, what have we here! Seems you personally hand-sewed soft toys to hand out to younger campers when you still had your other eye! What a scary zombie thing to do, I'm sure your undead comrades will find this fascinating. And look! The little black book even has a picture of you wearing an apron and playing nursemaid to- ...what? You'll hold the bone? Knew you'd change your mind! Now then, what was the next step? Ah, that's right!
Cerberus, FETCH.
Kekeke, so you lot can run! Might be of some use, after all. Well, seeing as how we don't need to work on the first problem anymore, let's move on to the next one. Once the gorillas are all psyched up and ready to ravish every single thing in sight, the next exercise can begin. In two weeks, my friends, you'll be the best undead American Football team in the world! Ya-HA~!!
... McShooty says, MORE ENTHUSIASM. Much better.
Poll Vote!
Character: Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker
Series: Cry-Baby: The Musical
Character Age: 19
Canon: It's Baltimore 1954. There are anti-polio picnics with poster-boys in iron lungs, and a thick line between the status-quo "Squares" and the not so status-quo "Drapes." Drapes like skipping school to make out at a movie; they drink, smoke, shoot pool and bust out of Juvie. They're also fond of lurking in abandoned alleyways, so you'll learn real fast that you've gotta watch your ass in these days. One of the more notorious Drapes is Wade Walker, better known to everybody as "Cry-Baby." An ironic name, as he hasn't shed a single tear since his parents were wrongfully accused of a crime and sentenced to death. He's a singer who loves him some rock and roll, and his story and rebellious attitude catch the interest of a Square-raised girl named Allison, who wants to cross to his side of the tracks.
But Cry-Baby Walker isn't as bad a boy as everybody paints him to be. Nobody gets him, they say he's no good. Nobody understands he's misunderstood. He's got a vision of a world that's fair, where it doesn't matter if you're Drape or Square. All he wants is a little respect and some justice for his family name. When he has dickish Squares framing him for setting fires and putting him in the Vocational Lockup for Wayward Punks, Cry-Baby keeps on going in all of his badass (if not occasionally retarded and clumsy) Drape glory, for the sake of his girl, his family name and his own image.
Sample Post:
Well well! I was pretty surprised when I got a personalized invitation to sing at Camp Fuck You Die's first and only ever anti-polio picnic. Thought the name was weird, and little did I know how true that'd prove to be. But they were nice enough to at least ask, and in my opinion a chance to sing is a chance best not passed up! But you guys have no idea what you're doin' with this thing. Food with forest friends ain't exactly my idea of a good picnic, and I'm sure everyone else agrees. Take a look at the sheddin' monkeys over there. Nobody wants purple fur-crusted apple pie courtesy of King Kong.
And the doctors you guys are hirin' look worse than the people they're givin' out shots to. But just because they probably skipped less school in their whole lives than I skip on a weekly basis doesn't mean they can go around talkin' about brains like they got more than me. It's cheatin' when the brains they claim to have so much of ain't even theirs.
What I can fix here, though, is the entertainment. Probably wasn't a good idea to let those birds on the stage in the first place, after lettin' them get into the booze. Robins are singin' birds, sure, but they don't sound so good when they're smashed. I don't sound half bad when it's me, but we won't be seein' me prove that any time soon, will we? Not when there's no more drinks left, thanks to them lushes. And drinks are one of the most important parts to a successful good time, which means I gotta sing my ass off, and good, to turn this baby back around. But I think I can do that, especially since my predecessors were borin' you all with songs about never givin' you up or lettin' you down. I'll take those lyrics and turn'em into a reality. Let's let the master take his mic, and start up a good ol' rock n' roll tune to really get you people entertained.
So docs, patients, and even you monkeys; gather 'round and put your hands together, because I'm gonna revive this walkin'-dead party!
♪ The place is sort of creepy
Sir can you please refrain
From grabbin' at my arm
And sayin' that you want my brain ♫
The entertainment's sort of dead
That's clear enough to see
So step on up
We'll start a Camp Rock You Out jubilee! ♪
You guys there in the crowd with no hands don't need to look so down - puttin' your stumps together works, too!
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Character: Mochizuki Ryoji
Series: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
Character Age: 17
Canon: Welcome to Persona 3, where you play as a transfer student who just recently moved to Iwatodai. It would be awesome if all was normal, but as this is a JRPG, it's quite clearly not possible. You soon come to learn that there's an hidden twenty-fifth hour just after midnight, one that only few people can actually experience, and that beings called "shadows" lurks within it. Your duty is to fight them summoning your innerself, a "Persona", by shooting yourself in the head.
Mochizuki Ryoji, however, has seemingly little to do with all of this. Yet another transfer student, he's more or less a very normal person, save for the fact that he's rather flirty and seems to have huge success with the ladies.
Personality-wise, Ryoji is a very silly and carefree boy. Despite being very popular, he's generally friendly with everyone, and he's a good person all around. Of course, he has a soft spot for the ladies, and that can be troublesome at times, but overall he's definitely someone nice to be with. But there is more to Ryoji than "hey look, I'm good-looking and I like to have fun!": It's not shown that often, but he does have a more serious side, and he can deal with serious matters just as well as he does with silly ones. He's definitely someone who loves life in all its aspects, and a friend good enough to sacrifice himself in order to let the people he cares for live peacefully.
Sample Post:
This place sure is big, huh? I've never been to a camp before; I wonder if it's normal? Well, it sure is interesting! There must be something special about it, if one of the items you can take upon entering is a shotgun. Maybe there's some sort of game going on? Heh, if that's the case, I'll be sure to score as higher as possible! I hope there are nice girls around, too! And since every girl is a precious flower and it's my duty to make them all feel special, I guess I'll date every one of them even if they're not exactly good-looking. That's what a real gentleman should do after all, and as one I should value their inner beauty, too.
All right, let's see... according to this guide, there should be a lake around here. I could bring girls to watch the sunset together over there! It'd be really romantic; I'm sure a lot of them would fall for it. Here it is! It really looks like a nice place, so I wonder why it's labeled as dangerous? Ah, I should check it out, see if there's a better view somewhere and--
WOAH, WHAT'S THAT?! Wait, I don't think it's-- I know it's hard to resist sometimes, but at least let's have some conversation before! Ah, good, you calmed down. Feel like letting me go? No..? Well, at least you stopped getting under my clothes. Say, you're a girl, aren't you? If you fell for my charm, you must be! Let's see... You sure have some pretty tentacles there, I wonder if it's hard to take care of them? Ah, but they seem just fine, so, you're doing a great job! You're not exactly what I'd call pretty, but as I said earlier, it's my duty to make every lady feel special for at least one minute...
Oh, I know, this should work. Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get. Wait, not my shirt, don't--! Too late, I guess. At least I still have my pants on. Say, I'm pretty sure me and you would get along just fine, but I just arrived and maybe it's better if I go rest. But don't worry, I'll put you in my list of things to do tonight, so... how about you let me go for now, and I'll catch up with you later? No, huh..? AH! Wait, don't put those tentacles there, I mean, it's only our first date! Wai--
WAAAAAH--!!
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