ITP: Marketing, deconstructed... Or defanged.
[Outside the Video-Rama, there's a superhero examining a new movie poster display and its attached commentary.]
... huh.
How To Be The Perfect Pre-Teen Vampire Pin-Up!
1. Lighting: harsh. So harsh that your face looks white as a blank dry erase board, onto which teenage girls can write their deepest fears and craziest fantasies, all of which you will fulfill because, duh, you're a vampire. You're basically walking, pasty magic.
2. Gaze: menacing, yet seductive. Look, we all know why you're here: to scare girls into puberty. And the right look from your freakishly light vampire eyes can do just that. Vampires are the ideal teen pin-up because they're dangerous, yet sexually non-threatening. After all, vampires don't want to have sex (which would make pre-teen girls uncomfortable), they just want to drink blood, and possibly turn someone into their eternal vampire bride, which is way, way romantic.
3. Never underestimate the power of a forceful grip. For a normal guy, lurking behind a girl and gripping her upper arm would read "Date rape imminent." But you're a vampire: people expect that kind of creepy controlling behavior from you.
4. Hair: Gelled to perfection. Clothes: Abercrombie casual. The second most important word in your vampire pin-up job description is "pin-up." Without the hair gel, how will anyone know you're supposed to be an object of desire?
5. When everything's in place, have yourself photoshopped in next to a totally uninterested teen girl. Now you're ready for vampire heartthrobhood!
Well... 'Tis the season.
((OOC--Credit where credit is due: The Onion AV Club.
EDIT: Winding down--I'll pick up threads if I can tomorrow, but I'm going more solidly back on hiatus over the weekend, so--I may disappear, and if so I apologize!))
... huh.
How To Be The Perfect Pre-Teen Vampire Pin-Up!
1. Lighting: harsh. So harsh that your face looks white as a blank dry erase board, onto which teenage girls can write their deepest fears and craziest fantasies, all of which you will fulfill because, duh, you're a vampire. You're basically walking, pasty magic.
2. Gaze: menacing, yet seductive. Look, we all know why you're here: to scare girls into puberty. And the right look from your freakishly light vampire eyes can do just that. Vampires are the ideal teen pin-up because they're dangerous, yet sexually non-threatening. After all, vampires don't want to have sex (which would make pre-teen girls uncomfortable), they just want to drink blood, and possibly turn someone into their eternal vampire bride, which is way, way romantic.
3. Never underestimate the power of a forceful grip. For a normal guy, lurking behind a girl and gripping her upper arm would read "Date rape imminent." But you're a vampire: people expect that kind of creepy controlling behavior from you.
4. Hair: Gelled to perfection. Clothes: Abercrombie casual. The second most important word in your vampire pin-up job description is "pin-up." Without the hair gel, how will anyone know you're supposed to be an object of desire?
5. When everything's in place, have yourself photoshopped in next to a totally uninterested teen girl. Now you're ready for vampire heartthrobhood!
Well... 'Tis the season.
((OOC--Credit where credit is due: The Onion AV Club.
EDIT: Winding down--I'll pick up threads if I can tomorrow, but I'm going more solidly back on hiatus over the weekend, so--I may disappear, and if so I apologize!))