(no subject)
First batch of the counselor apps! (yes there are more than 15 total, stfu. You guys submitted some really awesome apps.) Same rules apply: the app must get 70% or more In votes to be accepted. BTW, regular apps open Wednesday at 9 PM EST. When this clock hits 21hrs on 7/27, you are free to submit your apps. Apps will be open for 24 hours and there will be weeding (same deal as the counselor apps).
Remember!
- Only accepted players may vote.
- Applicants, if you need to comment in response to voters, it would be nice if you commented anonymously.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Solid Snake
Series: Metal Gear Solid
Job Idea: Wilderness Survival counselorperson (activities + advice?)
Canon: Solid Snake is the legendary
hero of FOXHOUND, secret service. He is the USA's
secret weapon, dropped into enemy territory as a last
resort, slinking his way through cracks in the
enemies' defenses undetected. He does not hesitate to
draw his tranq gun, SOCOM, ak-47, or remote-controlled
missile launcher - nor will he hesitate in the face of
snipers, bombers, psychics, ninjas, vampires, mobile
robotic nuclear launchers, or even his own twin clone.
After all, there is no room for hesitation on The
Battlefield.
Solid Snake's badass is so uncontrollable, in fact,
that the fourth wall doesn't survive - he takes
*everything* seriously, even YOU, when he looks at you
and nods after a villain requests you put your
controller on the floor. To understand Snake,
understand that his games are hilariously self-aware
at all times. Wind blows Snake's bandana no matter
where he is, hiding from enemies includes the renowned
Hide Under A Box technique, and he *hears* the
dramatic background music played during a tense scene.
The man who built Metal Gear - whose secret code name
is Otakon - became a designer because he watched one
too many mecha anime. When he asks Snake, "Who are
you?! Are you alone?" Snake replies, straight-faced in
his Hardcore Voice, "I'm always alone." Otakon's
response is, "Are... are you an otaku too?" And...
Snake takes that seriously, and is ready with more
battlefield adages.
And sympathy! Because as long as someone has angst,
Snake will almost definitely relate and angst along.
In his Hardcore Voice, of course.
Kids, this isn't some summer holiday. Maybe you were
under the impression that it was, but it's time to
face the music. This is a battlefield.
And on the battlefield, there isn't any room for the
step A, step B simulation training you've recieved at
home. That saturday morning garbage doesn't calculate
the heartbeat, the FEAR, that overtakes you on the
field. You have to throw yourself out, push aside your
human weaknesses and suck up the air of death and the
feel of kickback. Instinct and survival become your
only friends. You can't afford to slip up - or
you'll find yourself with your face in the dirt,
sleeping with the zombies.
Some of you seem to get that. Some of you are still
clinging to those luxuries you thought would always be
there, like hairspray, or cigarettes you don't have to
smuggle in your stomach, or showering alone. You learn
to give those up in the Cold War.
I'm not here to be soft on you. I was - requested - as
a type of insurance, we'll call it. I'm the one
in charge of wilderness survival, and you won't be
allowed to take the easy way out. After all, there
won't always be trees to jump into when running
from the gorillas. You won't always have ammo
when you're flung into the lake, forced to fend for
yourself against sea monsters. You need stamina,
agility, guts. You need to be able to smear dirt on
your face and clothes and blend in with the
background, til even the toucans can't find you. You
need to be able to catch a rabbit by the ears and skin
it with your bare hands, then make a fire with nothing
but two sticks and those cigarettes. After all, you
won't always have a knife or a lighter.
My name?... it's Snake. Playtime is over. This is the
real thing.
Poll Vote!
Character: Urahara Kisuke
Series: Bleach
Job Idea: Managing Camp Store
Canon: (WARNING: Spoilers) You don't know Urahara
Kisuke? Well, then you're right about with everyone else. After over
a hundred and eighty chapters, we still know very little about the
man. He seems to be a cheerfully evasive salesman, and runs a
less-than-legal store where the characters from Bleach can get
products from the spirit world, however when things go down, there he
is. He was, in fact, a Shinigami Captain and president of research
and development until he was forced to leave under mysterious
circumstances. He often is there to guide events, though he hasn't
involved himself directly yet.
In short, the man is a flamboyant enigma. And the hearts? Totally
canon. ♥
Attention, children!
It is with great honor and pleasure I announce that the camp store
will be reopening under new management: Urahara Kisuke's. Who is, in
fact, yours truly. ♥
To my great regret, due to the conditions I acquired the establishment
under, the bans made by the Camp Director, and the difficulty
contacting suppliers in such a remote location, our inventory will be
sorely limited for the time being. Also, as the current management
does not consider itself obligated to fulfill the offers made by the
previous owners, we will no longer be offering candy or slaves at the
camp store. Souvenirs, however, are still available! And through much
persistence, I have procured a full selection of snow-globes, bumper
stickers, Alfred the Skeleton key chains, and tentacle monster plush
toys. Plush toys come with a full guarantee of seller-intervention in the
case of molestation, but are not returnable should molestation occur;
we are not able to resell them afterward.
Further more, while I cannot make promises, I'm not yet sure that it
would be impossible for me to order other... luxury items,
shall we say? At a reasonable mark-up, of course.
Ah, so many skilled children in one place. So many familiar faces
(always such a joy doing business with you, Kurosaki-san, Kuchiki-san~
♥), and so many more new ones. I'm sure you won't let me lack
for excitement during my venture here.
I look forward to meeting all of you. I do expect I'll be impressed~
After all, children, I believe you still have a murderer to find? ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Levi "Biff" bar Alphaeus
Seies: Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
Job Idea: Recreation/Spirit Coordinator
Canon: Biff is the bed bud of Jesus "Josh" Christ, and
tags along with his friend on a journey filled with "magic, healings,
kung fu, corpse reanimations, and hot babes." Two-thousand years
later, Biff is resurrected to write out the "true story" of the
missing years of Jesus (read: whirlwind trip around Asia to find the
wise men, learning alchemy and kung fu) under the watchful eye of
Raziel (the angel who wants to be Spiderman) and occasionally trained
for life as we know it (mini-golf). It's not that Biff isn't smart -
he makes plenty of cutting observations (he comes up with evolution!
And gravity!) - but he's mostly comic relief, and things in his canon
often go over his head for humor's sake. His writing style (the book
is memoir-ish), nonetheless, is rather laid back (being dead for two
millennia does that to you). Biff is boyish, exuberant, often
juvenile, a member of the village idiots' guild, and prone to making
interesting observations such as the fact that, in the Wizard of Oz,
the Lion, Tinman, and Scarecrow "didn't have a penis among
them.
I was born in Galiee, the simple son of a simple stonecutter and
never once, despite all my years at the side of the Son of God,
thought that I would find myself in the middle of the woods
surrounded by ravenous hordes of the undead.
… well, there was that one time when Josh started raising the dead for
the first time and couldn't quite get the hang of it, but he never
tried to raise this many, and none of them ever snapped back to
life with a supernatural hunger for human flesh. Still, here I am,
stranded in the woods attending to the MTV-fed children of this era,
supposedly planning activities to up camp unity. After arranging all
of Josh's preaching and the Sermon on the Mount, it should be simple.
Dealing with this lot should a bit like looking after the disciples,
actually, save that "campers" have even more problems with hormones (I
wonder how often the local mikveh is used) and are abusing my sarcasm
left and right. Two thousand years later and people are still using my
invention against me.
The village idiots' guild will be getting in touch with you all shortly.
Raziel claims that I've been sent to explore an area "where angels
fear to tread" and write yet another new Gospel about "life as people
with normal hair colors don't know it." I suspect that the only thing
keeping the angels away is the humidity (it does horrible things to
hair, from what we saw in India, though that might have just been the
mudpits). Or maybe it's the zombies. Or the campers.
I should have known the angel was up to something when he started
with the mini golf lessons. Pizza, laundromats, and pro-wrestling? All
useful if Raziel really wanted me to fit in with modern society, but
the training in the arcane art of mini golf must have been part of a
careful set-up to land me organizing other ridiculous modern games in
this little piece of hell, where not even the gift of tongues can help
me understand these children. "Not gay" must be code for
something else, and "Gundam" may refer to some positions in the Karma
Sutra that Kashmir and I never got through. Just when I understood
hip-hop, some new bizarre dialect is lobbed my way. The job
description includes making up "spirit songs," which ought to be easy
enough for an ex-professional mourner, but I won't be mourning any of
the brain-eating undead until I break this language barrier.
Josh, soap operas and pro wrestlers (and the angel, but he's not the
brightest halo in the bunch) say you're with us still. If you are,
come down here right now and straighten this place out. Didn't
your father ever teach you to clean up the brain-munching messes you
made?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuroyanagi Ryou
Series: Yakitate!! Japan
Job Idea: Cooking/Baking class
Canon: Kuroyanagi Ryou is an intelligent young food scientist/baker. Studied at Harvard, back in Japan, manager for Pantasia's main Tokyo store! Which is something he enjoys very much, but he wants to be the General Manager, some day! He usually gets the "interesting" job of judging most of the Pantasia Group's bread competitions. Usually Kuroyanagi is pretty normal, if kind of serious and strict (He expects a certain level of competence from people, and has no problem with telling someone how much they suck), but when you touch a sore spot, he is very quick to react. Generally with anger, or depending on the reason, panic! He is a very capable bread taster, and can judge the quality of some bread just by looking at it - however, when he does taste-test, especially if it's delicious bread, watch out! His reactions are priceless. No, really.
[Private]
While I am entirely honored that Meister Kirisaki decided to send me as a representative, I have to say that I am also entirely disappointed with the current state of "Pantasia USA." This "Camp Director" person, I... Meister Kirisaki! Surely this is a joke?
Pantasia USA? A new branch? This place is a HELLHOLE. I'm apparently obligated to teach some kids to bake?! This is totally and completely ridiculous! I shouldn't stand for this! While I won't deny that people deserve to have my incredible knowledge, this place is... hot, disgusting and totally unsanitary. And while I do appreciate the opportunity to find some ingredients I do not normally see in Japan... these are a little strange. No, strike that. VERY STRANGE. I wish the Camp Director had given me some normal ingredients. Butter that is NOT purple. Flour that does NOT glow in the dark. Yeast that... AAH I don't even want to talk about it!! I suppose I should get on with things.
[/Private]
ATTENTION.
We will now begin the First Stage of Pantasia USA's newcomers competition!
... is what I'd like to say, but since the "mysterious" circumstances of my arrival, I have learned that I will be instructing you all in the fine art of creating delicious bread. This is, of course, my life's passion and if anyone dares to DEFY ME desecrate the staff of life, I will be forced to punish you severely. I'm sure you understand.
If you have any food allergies, please inform me beforehand, because I will not be responsible if you eat something and die. In any case, if you do die, I don't imagine that will be an impediment to your attendance! UNLESS the stench of your putrid rotting flesh disrupts class! Then -10 points! GET OUT!
First rule of Kuroyanagi Ryou's class: You have 10 points! Don't waste them, or you are trash! Complete trash! LORD OF THE TRASH! You have been WARNED!
This lesson is dismissed for today. Hopefully I can get the yeast to stop screaming when I cook my dough! I do expect to see all participants next time! We will be making croissants, something very nice and delicious, a staple of the French diet! Although I doubt I shall see anything incredibly delicious from ANY of you, but that relieves me, in a way.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zhang He (Junyi)
Series: Dynasty Warriors
Job Idea: Exercise instructor
Canon: Zhang He is the token feminine, overly
flamboyant man of Dynasty Warriors. He is absolutely obsessed with
beauty, to the point where when scouts report that they spotted the
enemy camp, he immediately replies "Was the enemy camp pretty?"
He is normally quite aloof (although notably more pleasant to his
allies and those he considers "beautiful"), but will throw overblown
hissy fits (complete with foot-stamping and declarations of "That's
not beautiful!") when slighted.
Good morning, soldiers~! ♥
How are we this morning? Is our morale high? No? I need to see some
SMILES, men! Not only are your grimaces absolutely unbearable to my
eye, but you also will all wrinkle prematurely! Yes, yes, I know it's
terrifying, but we will have to press on! Just follow my lead!
Now! Let us all begin the morning's exercises with elegance, grace,
and beauty! Step, step, KICK, step, TURN~! Wonderf-- Hey! You
in the back! Grace! Elegance! You have all the elegance of an
elephant! Y--
No. You know what? Everybody stop. I can't deal with this
anymore. I can't TAKE IT. You. Step aside. Yes. Right there. Thank you.
Sunken eyes, horrible skin tone, messy hair, awful clothes, and now,
no grace? Don't stare at me so blankly! I won't stand for such
flagrant disregard for beauty in MY lessons! Get out! Get out of my
sight right now!
Now, where was--
Actually. No. I can't do this. I'm just not feeling it anymore. The
last twinkle of a dying flame is indeed beautiful, but this is
ridiculous. The flames of your lives have gone out a long time ago,
and I see absolutely NO twinkling! There is beauty in life, and there
is beauty in death, but I can plainly see that this undeath is wholly
hideous.
You're all hopeless! I poured so much effort into making each and
every one of you beautiful! Graceful! Worthy of truly being feared
and admired! When I was asked to take this assignment, I had such
high hopes for all of you, and what have you given me in return?
Migraines! Wrinkles! Gray hairs! And, most despicable of all, BITE
MARKS!
It seems that my hope, effort, and judgment have been sorely misplaced.
Gentlemen, this squad is hereby disbanded! I hope you're all pleased
with yourselves, you vile corpses.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kigai Yuuto
Series: X
Job Idea: Swim Instructor/Aquatics
Canon: Yuuto poses as a well-mannered civil servant but
actually possesses a detached and often blood-thirsty nature. He loves
to tease, especially the ladies, and is quick to flash a smile. Yuuto
comes off as both a rake (read: man-whore) and an opportunist,
flocking to whoever can interest him most. Nobody really knows why he
sides with the Dragons of Earth, the group destined to destroy the
human race.
To avoid confusion, I'm working with manga timeline so Yuuto's not
dead.
Seems I've arrived just in time. How ever have you children managed
thus far without any guidance? I would think that a camp with so many
pretty faces and such spirited youths would provide counsel. Young
hearts, lost in confusion, liable to give into temptation. Or just
tear each other to shreds. The latter could be amusing.
Pairing you up for swimming lessons could have...unfortunate results.
So before any of us take the plunge, some relationship-building
activities might be in call.
Learning how to choose and "work" with partners is key. Also,
flexibility. Factors like age or sex tend to bog you down. Best to
keep things fluid. You never know what the future may bring or when
new opportunites may open up. For those of you past these initial
steps, we'll explore identifying problem areas and tips for getting
around them. Take it from me. You'd rather not find yourself on the
bad side of a fiery femme fatale without means to cool her off.
Once you've all proven that you can work together, we can move onto
the actual aquatics. Remember, everyone must get participate. No
exceptions. And please, no notes. I deal with enough paperwork at
home. If your issue concerns the local wildlife, you needn't worry.
Each camper will take turns clearing the swimming area before lessons.
I'd help, but, sadly, old age is getting to me. Why not think of it as
a warm-up?
I'm sure we'll all get along famously. So don't be afraid to stop by
now and then for a cup of tea. Or if you require a more private
session.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lu Bu
Series: Dynasty Warriors series
Job Idea: Horseback riding instructor
Canon: Lu Bu was one of the most feared and respected warriors of the Three Kingdoms era. A large, muscular man, his skills in horseback riding, archery, and armed combat were well-known. He was also considered to be fairly untrustworthy, turning on several of his commanders for little reason (one even being his own foster father!). His main motivations are seeking challenges for his martial skill and personal gain, but he can also be persuaded (to folly, even) by a pretty face.
Looks like I've been stranded here so that I can teach some snot-nosed brats how to ride horses. Which is real funny, considering I don't see any horses around here anywhere. I don't even have Red Hare with me now. Where in the hell did he get off to?
This camp's commander is either an idiot or has balls the size of melons. I'm not too happy about being stuck here without even being asked about it first. I've not even been offered any gifts or compensation for anything! It's insulting! You'd think that anyone who wanted to enlist the great Lu Bu would have thought about payment beforehand, right? My services don't come cheap.
I've not even seen the man in charge yet either, but when I do he'll be lucky to walk away with his neck intact! Besides - who in their right mind would make someone teach horse riding with no horses?
So I've just had to make do. Since there's plenty of these big, hairy purple things roaming around, it was no problem to rope a few of them down. I've even actually saddle-broken one or two of them! Some of them tried to fight back at first, but after I made examples of the first few, the smarter ones didn't try anything else. Kinda disappointing, really - I thought they might have actually been a challenge at first! Feh! Of course, I've taken the best one - Violet Storm - for my own steed, but I think I'm being pretty generous by letting the rest of you even touch them.
Any of you weak little punks wanna learn how to ride a horse, or whatever these things are, I guess I could teach you. You might wanna bring something with you to put me in a better mood when you come, though - I can never be too sure which one of these things is completely saddle-broken, right? It might be Scum or it might be Colonel. I can never be too sure, so you might wanna try and jog my memory a little. (And just as a reminder, I accept all the standard forms of 'memory joggers': gold, castles, decent food, jewels, concubines.)
And if any of you scum think you'd be a challenge to your dear old teacher in combat, well... I'll take you on for free! Who knows - it might actually kill half an hour of boredom if you all come at me at once.
Poll Vote!
Character: Muraki Kazutaka
Series: Yami no Matsuei (see series overview here.)
Job Idea: Camp doctor/First Aid
Canon: Muraki is (i) a surgeon; (ii) a sorcerer of some power; and (iii) evil.
Also, arguably insane. YnM canon is inconsistent at best, and the
mangaka herself notes that Muraki’s characterization isn’t consistent;
but what isn’t subject to dispute and interpretation is that he’s a
serial killer, a sexual predator, and an obsessive medical researcher.
He would find Camp Fuckudie interesting for the research opportunities
it presents, as well as for the opportunity to play head games with the
campers. Muraki’s formal goals include building (or hijacking) new
bodies for the dead, perfecting the human body, and seducing the
series’ lead character, the shinigami Tsuzuki Asato. (That’s not a
matter of subtext: it’s canonical and explicit.) In the anime
version, he collects antique porcelain dolls, and is rarely without one
(in the manga, not so much).
This is YnM, though, which means all discussion of the character’s
goals have to be discounted by the On-Crack Factor. It’s entirely
possible that his stated goals are completely arbitrary, and that he
just wants to have fun.
He is extremely bright, can be very formal (especially with enemies),
and has a creepy sense of humor. He may or may not be entirely human:
canon isn’t sure.
via encrypted email
Office of the Secretary General
Doctors Without Space-Time Continuum Borders
Houtou Castle
Personal and Confidential
Yaone-san:
The committee’s suspicions were correct: there is a significant zombie
outbreak in progress in the [redacted] area. I encountered several
cases within hours of arrival, and the clinical signs are
unmistakeable.
At present, the outbreak appears to be confined geographically to the
immediate vicinity of a so-called “summer camp.” For this, I suspect
we may thank the director of the institution, whom all signs indicate
is a magician of some skill, and her obsession with discovering the
supposed murderer of her fiance. (It is not yet clear to me whether
this fiance ever existed, nor whether, if he did exist, he was in fact
murdered. The woman may simply be mad.) In service of this obsession,
she has trapped a large number of adolescents at this camp -
adolescents who appear to possess remarkable spiritual and physical
powers. It is likely that their attractiveness as targets has kept the
zombies focussed on the camp, so that the infestation has not yet
turned outward from the epicenter. Should the murderer (if any) be
identified to the director’s satisfaction, however, or should the
campers succeed in escaping the camp, we can expect the infection to
spread outward, perhaps explosively. It may therefore be best if the
campers remain confined here, at least until the relevant strain can be
identified, any reservoirs of infection eliminated, and unobtrusive
inoculation be provided to residents in the affected areas.
Accordingly, I have thought it wise to apply for a position as the
camp’s doctor. If the management agrees to the arrangement, it will
put me in a position to help ensure that the campers remain here until
such time as we can be confident that the epidemic is contained.
The director’s security arrangements naturally make transportation of
items like tissue samples out of the camp something of a challenge.
Nevertheless, I will make every effort to provide the committee with
whatever materials I obtain, so that work on identification of the
relevant disease strain, and development of antidotes and vaccines if
necessary, can begin as soon as possible. I expect to operate on the
assumption that reliable transport will not be available, though, and
to set up a full field laboratory here, which will also allow me to
pursue any side avenues of research that seem valuable.
I have written separately to our colleague Ni Jianyi, giving him a
fuller description of the camp. Ni Jianyi is a scientist and a
scholar, and I can hardly think that he would desert his current work
in order to attempt to steal powers and/or objects of magical virtue
from vulnerable children - but I hope you will think that I have done
my best for you. If he does arrive, I shall consider myself to have
been recalled. Given our organization’s limited resources, and the
overlap between Ni’s areas of expertise and my own, it would make
little sense to keep us both on the same field project. And as you
know, his bunny rabbit gives me the creeps.
Best regards,
Muraki Kazutaka
Poll Vote!
Character: Sohma Shigure
Series: Fruits Basket
Job Idea: Teacher/Professor/Instructor (probably of a writing or literature type, but expanding it to a "general studies" kind of thing would work, too. He'd probably just neglect those other areas, heh.)
Canon: Shigure is one of the Sohma family, cousin to Yuki and Kyo, cursed by the spirit of the Zodiac Dog. (He turns into a dog when weakened, or hugged by a female.) Free-spirited, dramatic, obnoxiously cheerful and quick to laugh (often at others), he's also a bit of a pervert who revels in sexual innuendo of all sorts, and the prospect of seeing young girls in high school uniforms. Many people write him off because of this, but he has a good heart, although he can be manipulative when it suits him. He's also blunt and perceptive to a fault when it comes to the hidden motivations of others, possibly because he does so much hiding of his own. Shigure is a novelist by profession, although a very lazy one who often drives his editor to suicide attempts, and his most popular novels are the "romantic" ones he writes under a pen name . . .
Really, I don't know where this ugly rumor came from. Of course I'm not accepting employment at Camp Fuck You Die just for the opportunity to ogle soft, nubile young high school girls in their unnatural habitat! Perish the thought! I'm here because I care about the budding youth of tomorrow. The fact that this youth includes dear, dear, innocent Tohru-kun and her dear young female friends never even entered my mind.
Nor am I here to escape the dread clutches of my editor (the manuscript is as good as done, honestly!) or to torment my darling cousins. They do a good enough job of that by themselves--it's enough to make a big brother figure jealous! Who am I supposed to tease now? You see why I had to take the job, Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun. I'd be crushed if you two got so wrapped up in each other that you forgot all about me. Unless you let me watch.
So, my beautiful young campers, allow me to introduce myself! I, Sohma Shigure, will be taking on the task of instructing you! Just because it's summertime doesn't mean you should let those minds of yours go to waste. Letting them linger on untoward things is perfectly all right with me, but what will your parents think when you come back home with your brains full of smut? I know what I would think, but I'm not your parents. Female students, are, however, free to call me "Daddy" if they--
--who threw that? Today's youth is so cruel!
Now children, let's all turn to page 83 of my newest novel, Burning Passion of the Winter's Night. I think this will be a very educational session for all of us.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kurosaki Isshin
Series: Bleach
Applicant #1
Job Idea: Camp doctor
Canon: Isshin is Ichigo's father and the town doctor. He's
insane, irresponsible, and rather immature, and can't relate to any of
his three children. Unlike the rest of his family, he is unable to see
ghosts, and is sometimes bitter over this. He frequently launches
surprise physical attacks on his son (with retaliation by Ichigo), and
the two have a mutual relationship of abuse. Despite this, he does
care a lot for his family, and wants to protect them.
Hellllllllloooooooo, campers! Kurosaki Isshin, number one camp doctor,
has arrived! Daddy knew he had to come when that counselor's
application marked "One summer, one camp, one hundred million yen!"
came in the mail. Why, Daddy was once a counselor himself at Camp
Wee-bide-a-wile, back in the college days!
Tonight will be the first annual Camp Fuck You Die marshmallow roast
so Daddy can meet all of the campers and have a heart-to-heart! He
tried to talk to some of the campers before, but they just drooled and
said, "Braiiiiiiins..." This must be the hip thing to do! Daddy
just can't keep up with all of the trends these days because Karin and
Yuzu don't talk to him anymore! They're in those difficult years of
adolescence and never tell their poor old man anything.
And Ichigo never tells Daddy anything, either! He didn't mention
staying at Camp Fuck You Die, but perhaps he wanted it to be a
surprise for his old man. He's learning so well! Daddy always knew in
his heart that Ichigo would be the pride of the Kurosaki family,
carrying on the virtues of stealth and skill and manliness!
Ah, Daddy spies his son now! Time to whip out the special secret
Kurosaki disguise bandana and greet him! Daddy will just wait until
he's at that window and...
ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Applicant #2
Job Idea: Camp doctor
Canon: Isshin Kurosaki is the father of Ichigo Kurosaki
and his twin sisters. He's a GP doctor and runs his own clinic. Very
flashy dresser. You will often see him in garish colors and ruffles. A
very wacky fellow. Fond of drama and not especially good at the social
graces. Loves his family to distraction. When you hear him speak you
might think he's insane as he tends to refer to himself in the third
and second person. On the surface he is a family man who is a bit of a
goof but has a good heart. At least... that's what he appears to be.
He has a secret identity that's been revealed in the latest
chapters.
AH! Yuzu says Daddy needs to emote more in his
blog entries. The fourteen year old rulers of this interweb thirst for
it. Daddy thinks they might possibly be little teenage vampires.
They scare Daddy.
Daddy heard about this job opening from some seedy fellows on the
corner. They made it sound so nice. Open bar! Beachfront condos! Happy
children for Daddy to help! Great summer fun. Daddy brought his purple
polka dotted swim trunks for this special occasion.
Daddy knows his manly chest and fantastic fashion sense makes the
ladies melt but they must stay back! My heart belongs to my beloved
Masaki.
Darling!! Why did you leave ME?!!!!!
See, daddy is good at emoting.
I haven't met any of the campers yet, but I saw some friendly people
on the drive in. They were walking rather stiffly and tried to climb
in my car. Daddy waved and wished them good day but I was already a
little late so I couldn't stop to chat. One of them even tried to
climb in my car for a personal chat (about brains I think) but Daddy
had to forcibly remove him. Daddy is a nice guy. Didn't even comment
on the fellow's odor. Though I might slip some incense or something in
that fellow's cabin.
Already my services seem to be needed. Daddy has heard that someone
died. Justice must be served! Daddy forgot to pack his JUSTICE CAPE so
he had to use one of the old towels instead. With it, I become CAPTAIN
JUSTICE! Fighting crime! Righting wrongs! Punishing those who
trespass... and Ichigo. He get's extra punishing.
Daddy has to go now. That stinky fellow from before is knocking on his
window. Need to find some Febreeze or something for him.
The smell is too much for Daddy. Maybe I need to start some sort of
hygiene class for the nice campers. I'll put that on my to do list
next to "Sucker Punch Ichigo".
Daddy signing off. Yuzu! Did I do right? Can I get a cookie now?
Poll Vote!
Remember!
- Only accepted players may vote.
- Applicants, if you need to comment in response to voters, it would be nice if you commented anonymously.
Now VOTE. Closed!
Character: Solid Snake
Series: Metal Gear Solid
Job Idea: Wilderness Survival counselorperson (activities + advice?)
Canon: Solid Snake is the legendary
hero of FOXHOUND, secret service. He is the USA's
secret weapon, dropped into enemy territory as a last
resort, slinking his way through cracks in the
enemies' defenses undetected. He does not hesitate to
draw his tranq gun, SOCOM, ak-47, or remote-controlled
missile launcher - nor will he hesitate in the face of
snipers, bombers, psychics, ninjas, vampires, mobile
robotic nuclear launchers, or even his own twin clone.
After all, there is no room for hesitation on The
Battlefield.
Solid Snake's badass is so uncontrollable, in fact,
that the fourth wall doesn't survive - he takes
*everything* seriously, even YOU, when he looks at you
and nods after a villain requests you put your
controller on the floor. To understand Snake,
understand that his games are hilariously self-aware
at all times. Wind blows Snake's bandana no matter
where he is, hiding from enemies includes the renowned
Hide Under A Box technique, and he *hears* the
dramatic background music played during a tense scene.
The man who built Metal Gear - whose secret code name
is Otakon - became a designer because he watched one
too many mecha anime. When he asks Snake, "Who are
you?! Are you alone?" Snake replies, straight-faced in
his Hardcore Voice, "I'm always alone." Otakon's
response is, "Are... are you an otaku too?" And...
Snake takes that seriously, and is ready with more
battlefield adages.
And sympathy! Because as long as someone has angst,
Snake will almost definitely relate and angst along.
In his Hardcore Voice, of course.
Kids, this isn't some summer holiday. Maybe you were
under the impression that it was, but it's time to
face the music. This is a battlefield.
And on the battlefield, there isn't any room for the
step A, step B simulation training you've recieved at
home. That saturday morning garbage doesn't calculate
the heartbeat, the FEAR, that overtakes you on the
field. You have to throw yourself out, push aside your
human weaknesses and suck up the air of death and the
feel of kickback. Instinct and survival become your
only friends. You can't afford to slip up - or
you'll find yourself with your face in the dirt,
sleeping with the zombies.
Some of you seem to get that. Some of you are still
clinging to those luxuries you thought would always be
there, like hairspray, or cigarettes you don't have to
smuggle in your stomach, or showering alone. You learn
to give those up in the Cold War.
I'm not here to be soft on you. I was - requested - as
a type of insurance, we'll call it. I'm the one
in charge of wilderness survival, and you won't be
allowed to take the easy way out. After all, there
won't always be trees to jump into when running
from the gorillas. You won't always have ammo
when you're flung into the lake, forced to fend for
yourself against sea monsters. You need stamina,
agility, guts. You need to be able to smear dirt on
your face and clothes and blend in with the
background, til even the toucans can't find you. You
need to be able to catch a rabbit by the ears and skin
it with your bare hands, then make a fire with nothing
but two sticks and those cigarettes. After all, you
won't always have a knife or a lighter.
My name?... it's Snake. Playtime is over. This is the
real thing.
Poll Vote!
Character: Urahara Kisuke
Series: Bleach
Job Idea: Managing Camp Store
Canon: (WARNING: Spoilers) You don't know Urahara
Kisuke? Well, then you're right about with everyone else. After over
a hundred and eighty chapters, we still know very little about the
man. He seems to be a cheerfully evasive salesman, and runs a
less-than-legal store where the characters from Bleach can get
products from the spirit world, however when things go down, there he
is. He was, in fact, a Shinigami Captain and president of research
and development until he was forced to leave under mysterious
circumstances. He often is there to guide events, though he hasn't
involved himself directly yet.
In short, the man is a flamboyant enigma. And the hearts? Totally
canon. ♥
Attention, children!
It is with great honor and pleasure I announce that the camp store
will be reopening under new management: Urahara Kisuke's. Who is, in
fact, yours truly. ♥
To my great regret, due to the conditions I acquired the establishment
under, the bans made by the Camp Director, and the difficulty
contacting suppliers in such a remote location, our inventory will be
sorely limited for the time being. Also, as the current management
does not consider itself obligated to fulfill the offers made by the
previous owners, we will no longer be offering candy or slaves at the
camp store. Souvenirs, however, are still available! And through much
persistence, I have procured a full selection of snow-globes, bumper
stickers, Alfred the Skeleton key chains, and tentacle monster plush
toys. Plush toys come with a full guarantee of seller-intervention in the
case of molestation, but are not returnable should molestation occur;
we are not able to resell them afterward.
Further more, while I cannot make promises, I'm not yet sure that it
would be impossible for me to order other... luxury items,
shall we say? At a reasonable mark-up, of course.
Ah, so many skilled children in one place. So many familiar faces
(always such a joy doing business with you, Kurosaki-san, Kuchiki-san~
♥), and so many more new ones. I'm sure you won't let me lack
for excitement during my venture here.
I look forward to meeting all of you. I do expect I'll be impressed~
After all, children, I believe you still have a murderer to find? ♥
Poll Vote!
Character: Levi "Biff" bar Alphaeus
Seies: Lamb: The Gospel According To Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
Job Idea: Recreation/Spirit Coordinator
Canon: Biff is the bed bud of Jesus "Josh" Christ, and
tags along with his friend on a journey filled with "magic, healings,
kung fu, corpse reanimations, and hot babes." Two-thousand years
later, Biff is resurrected to write out the "true story" of the
missing years of Jesus (read: whirlwind trip around Asia to find the
wise men, learning alchemy and kung fu) under the watchful eye of
Raziel (the angel who wants to be Spiderman) and occasionally trained
for life as we know it (mini-golf). It's not that Biff isn't smart -
he makes plenty of cutting observations (he comes up with evolution!
And gravity!) - but he's mostly comic relief, and things in his canon
often go over his head for humor's sake. His writing style (the book
is memoir-ish), nonetheless, is rather laid back (being dead for two
millennia does that to you). Biff is boyish, exuberant, often
juvenile, a member of the village idiots' guild, and prone to making
interesting observations such as the fact that, in the Wizard of Oz,
the Lion, Tinman, and Scarecrow "didn't have a penis among
them.
I was born in Galiee, the simple son of a simple stonecutter and
never once, despite all my years at the side of the Son of God,
thought that I would find myself in the middle of the woods
surrounded by ravenous hordes of the undead.
… well, there was that one time when Josh started raising the dead for
the first time and couldn't quite get the hang of it, but he never
tried to raise this many, and none of them ever snapped back to
life with a supernatural hunger for human flesh. Still, here I am,
stranded in the woods attending to the MTV-fed children of this era,
supposedly planning activities to up camp unity. After arranging all
of Josh's preaching and the Sermon on the Mount, it should be simple.
Dealing with this lot should a bit like looking after the disciples,
actually, save that "campers" have even more problems with hormones (I
wonder how often the local mikveh is used) and are abusing my sarcasm
left and right. Two thousand years later and people are still using my
invention against me.
The village idiots' guild will be getting in touch with you all shortly.
Raziel claims that I've been sent to explore an area "where angels
fear to tread" and write yet another new Gospel about "life as people
with normal hair colors don't know it." I suspect that the only thing
keeping the angels away is the humidity (it does horrible things to
hair, from what we saw in India, though that might have just been the
mudpits). Or maybe it's the zombies. Or the campers.
I should have known the angel was up to something when he started
with the mini golf lessons. Pizza, laundromats, and pro-wrestling? All
useful if Raziel really wanted me to fit in with modern society, but
the training in the arcane art of mini golf must have been part of a
careful set-up to land me organizing other ridiculous modern games in
this little piece of hell, where not even the gift of tongues can help
me understand these children. "Not gay" must be code for
something else, and "Gundam" may refer to some positions in the Karma
Sutra that Kashmir and I never got through. Just when I understood
hip-hop, some new bizarre dialect is lobbed my way. The job
description includes making up "spirit songs," which ought to be easy
enough for an ex-professional mourner, but I won't be mourning any of
the brain-eating undead until I break this language barrier.
Josh, soap operas and pro wrestlers (and the angel, but he's not the
brightest halo in the bunch) say you're with us still. If you are,
come down here right now and straighten this place out. Didn't
your father ever teach you to clean up the brain-munching messes you
made?
Poll Vote!
Character: Kuroyanagi Ryou
Series: Yakitate!! Japan
Job Idea: Cooking/Baking class
Canon: Kuroyanagi Ryou is an intelligent young food scientist/baker. Studied at Harvard, back in Japan, manager for Pantasia's main Tokyo store! Which is something he enjoys very much, but he wants to be the General Manager, some day! He usually gets the "interesting" job of judging most of the Pantasia Group's bread competitions. Usually Kuroyanagi is pretty normal, if kind of serious and strict (He expects a certain level of competence from people, and has no problem with telling someone how much they suck), but when you touch a sore spot, he is very quick to react. Generally with anger, or depending on the reason, panic! He is a very capable bread taster, and can judge the quality of some bread just by looking at it - however, when he does taste-test, especially if it's delicious bread, watch out! His reactions are priceless. No, really.
[Private]
While I am entirely honored that Meister Kirisaki decided to send me as a representative, I have to say that I am also entirely disappointed with the current state of "Pantasia USA." This "Camp Director" person, I... Meister Kirisaki! Surely this is a joke?
Pantasia USA? A new branch? This place is a HELLHOLE. I'm apparently obligated to teach some kids to bake?! This is totally and completely ridiculous! I shouldn't stand for this! While I won't deny that people deserve to have my incredible knowledge, this place is... hot, disgusting and totally unsanitary. And while I do appreciate the opportunity to find some ingredients I do not normally see in Japan... these are a little strange. No, strike that. VERY STRANGE. I wish the Camp Director had given me some normal ingredients. Butter that is NOT purple. Flour that does NOT glow in the dark. Yeast that... AAH I don't even want to talk about it!! I suppose I should get on with things.
[/Private]
ATTENTION.
We will now begin the First Stage of Pantasia USA's newcomers competition!
... is what I'd like to say, but since the "mysterious" circumstances of my arrival, I have learned that I will be instructing you all in the fine art of creating delicious bread. This is, of course, my life's passion and if anyone dares to DEFY ME desecrate the staff of life, I will be forced to punish you severely. I'm sure you understand.
If you have any food allergies, please inform me beforehand, because I will not be responsible if you eat something and die. In any case, if you do die, I don't imagine that will be an impediment to your attendance! UNLESS the stench of your putrid rotting flesh disrupts class! Then -10 points! GET OUT!
First rule of Kuroyanagi Ryou's class: You have 10 points! Don't waste them, or you are trash! Complete trash! LORD OF THE TRASH! You have been WARNED!
This lesson is dismissed for today. Hopefully I can get the yeast to stop screaming when I cook my dough! I do expect to see all participants next time! We will be making croissants, something very nice and delicious, a staple of the French diet! Although I doubt I shall see anything incredibly delicious from ANY of you, but that relieves me, in a way.
Poll Vote!
Character: Zhang He (Junyi)
Series: Dynasty Warriors
Job Idea: Exercise instructor
Canon: Zhang He is the token feminine, overly
flamboyant man of Dynasty Warriors. He is absolutely obsessed with
beauty, to the point where when scouts report that they spotted the
enemy camp, he immediately replies "Was the enemy camp pretty?"
He is normally quite aloof (although notably more pleasant to his
allies and those he considers "beautiful"), but will throw overblown
hissy fits (complete with foot-stamping and declarations of "That's
not beautiful!") when slighted.
Good morning, soldiers~! ♥
How are we this morning? Is our morale high? No? I need to see some
SMILES, men! Not only are your grimaces absolutely unbearable to my
eye, but you also will all wrinkle prematurely! Yes, yes, I know it's
terrifying, but we will have to press on! Just follow my lead!
Now! Let us all begin the morning's exercises with elegance, grace,
and beauty! Step, step, KICK, step, TURN~! Wonderf-- Hey! You
in the back! Grace! Elegance! You have all the elegance of an
elephant! Y--
No. You know what? Everybody stop. I can't deal with this
anymore. I can't TAKE IT. You. Step aside. Yes. Right there. Thank you.
Sunken eyes, horrible skin tone, messy hair, awful clothes, and now,
no grace? Don't stare at me so blankly! I won't stand for such
flagrant disregard for beauty in MY lessons! Get out! Get out of my
sight right now!
Now, where was--
Actually. No. I can't do this. I'm just not feeling it anymore. The
last twinkle of a dying flame is indeed beautiful, but this is
ridiculous. The flames of your lives have gone out a long time ago,
and I see absolutely NO twinkling! There is beauty in life, and there
is beauty in death, but I can plainly see that this undeath is wholly
hideous.
You're all hopeless! I poured so much effort into making each and
every one of you beautiful! Graceful! Worthy of truly being feared
and admired! When I was asked to take this assignment, I had such
high hopes for all of you, and what have you given me in return?
Migraines! Wrinkles! Gray hairs! And, most despicable of all, BITE
MARKS!
It seems that my hope, effort, and judgment have been sorely misplaced.
Gentlemen, this squad is hereby disbanded! I hope you're all pleased
with yourselves, you vile corpses.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kigai Yuuto
Series: X
Job Idea: Swim Instructor/Aquatics
Canon: Yuuto poses as a well-mannered civil servant but
actually possesses a detached and often blood-thirsty nature. He loves
to tease, especially the ladies, and is quick to flash a smile. Yuuto
comes off as both a rake (read: man-whore) and an opportunist,
flocking to whoever can interest him most. Nobody really knows why he
sides with the Dragons of Earth, the group destined to destroy the
human race.
To avoid confusion, I'm working with manga timeline so Yuuto's not
dead.
Seems I've arrived just in time. How ever have you children managed
thus far without any guidance? I would think that a camp with so many
pretty faces and such spirited youths would provide counsel. Young
hearts, lost in confusion, liable to give into temptation. Or just
tear each other to shreds. The latter could be amusing.
Pairing you up for swimming lessons could have...unfortunate results.
So before any of us take the plunge, some relationship-building
activities might be in call.
Learning how to choose and "work" with partners is key. Also,
flexibility. Factors like age or sex tend to bog you down. Best to
keep things fluid. You never know what the future may bring or when
new opportunites may open up. For those of you past these initial
steps, we'll explore identifying problem areas and tips for getting
around them. Take it from me. You'd rather not find yourself on the
bad side of a fiery femme fatale without means to cool her off.
Once you've all proven that you can work together, we can move onto
the actual aquatics. Remember, everyone must get participate. No
exceptions. And please, no notes. I deal with enough paperwork at
home. If your issue concerns the local wildlife, you needn't worry.
Each camper will take turns clearing the swimming area before lessons.
I'd help, but, sadly, old age is getting to me. Why not think of it as
a warm-up?
I'm sure we'll all get along famously. So don't be afraid to stop by
now and then for a cup of tea. Or if you require a more private
session.
Poll Vote!
Character: Lu Bu
Series: Dynasty Warriors series
Job Idea: Horseback riding instructor
Canon: Lu Bu was one of the most feared and respected warriors of the Three Kingdoms era. A large, muscular man, his skills in horseback riding, archery, and armed combat were well-known. He was also considered to be fairly untrustworthy, turning on several of his commanders for little reason (one even being his own foster father!). His main motivations are seeking challenges for his martial skill and personal gain, but he can also be persuaded (to folly, even) by a pretty face.
Looks like I've been stranded here so that I can teach some snot-nosed brats how to ride horses. Which is real funny, considering I don't see any horses around here anywhere. I don't even have Red Hare with me now. Where in the hell did he get off to?
This camp's commander is either an idiot or has balls the size of melons. I'm not too happy about being stuck here without even being asked about it first. I've not even been offered any gifts or compensation for anything! It's insulting! You'd think that anyone who wanted to enlist the great Lu Bu would have thought about payment beforehand, right? My services don't come cheap.
I've not even seen the man in charge yet either, but when I do he'll be lucky to walk away with his neck intact! Besides - who in their right mind would make someone teach horse riding with no horses?
So I've just had to make do. Since there's plenty of these big, hairy purple things roaming around, it was no problem to rope a few of them down. I've even actually saddle-broken one or two of them! Some of them tried to fight back at first, but after I made examples of the first few, the smarter ones didn't try anything else. Kinda disappointing, really - I thought they might have actually been a challenge at first! Feh! Of course, I've taken the best one - Violet Storm - for my own steed, but I think I'm being pretty generous by letting the rest of you even touch them.
Any of you weak little punks wanna learn how to ride a horse, or whatever these things are, I guess I could teach you. You might wanna bring something with you to put me in a better mood when you come, though - I can never be too sure which one of these things is completely saddle-broken, right? It might be Scum or it might be Colonel. I can never be too sure, so you might wanna try and jog my memory a little. (And just as a reminder, I accept all the standard forms of 'memory joggers': gold, castles, decent food, jewels, concubines.)
And if any of you scum think you'd be a challenge to your dear old teacher in combat, well... I'll take you on for free! Who knows - it might actually kill half an hour of boredom if you all come at me at once.
Poll Vote!
Character: Muraki Kazutaka
Series: Yami no Matsuei (see series overview here.)
Job Idea: Camp doctor/First Aid
Canon: Muraki is (i) a surgeon; (ii) a sorcerer of some power; and (iii) evil.
Also, arguably insane. YnM canon is inconsistent at best, and the
mangaka herself notes that Muraki’s characterization isn’t consistent;
but what isn’t subject to dispute and interpretation is that he’s a
serial killer, a sexual predator, and an obsessive medical researcher.
He would find Camp Fuckudie interesting for the research opportunities
it presents, as well as for the opportunity to play head games with the
campers. Muraki’s formal goals include building (or hijacking) new
bodies for the dead, perfecting the human body, and seducing the
series’ lead character, the shinigami Tsuzuki Asato. (That’s not a
matter of subtext: it’s canonical and explicit.) In the anime
version, he collects antique porcelain dolls, and is rarely without one
(in the manga, not so much).
This is YnM, though, which means all discussion of the character’s
goals have to be discounted by the On-Crack Factor. It’s entirely
possible that his stated goals are completely arbitrary, and that he
just wants to have fun.
He is extremely bright, can be very formal (especially with enemies),
and has a creepy sense of humor. He may or may not be entirely human:
canon isn’t sure.
via encrypted email
Office of the Secretary General
Doctors Without Space-Time Continuum Borders
Houtou Castle
Personal and Confidential
Yaone-san:
The committee’s suspicions were correct: there is a significant zombie
outbreak in progress in the [redacted] area. I encountered several
cases within hours of arrival, and the clinical signs are
unmistakeable.
At present, the outbreak appears to be confined geographically to the
immediate vicinity of a so-called “summer camp.” For this, I suspect
we may thank the director of the institution, whom all signs indicate
is a magician of some skill, and her obsession with discovering the
supposed murderer of her fiance. (It is not yet clear to me whether
this fiance ever existed, nor whether, if he did exist, he was in fact
murdered. The woman may simply be mad.) In service of this obsession,
she has trapped a large number of adolescents at this camp -
adolescents who appear to possess remarkable spiritual and physical
powers. It is likely that their attractiveness as targets has kept the
zombies focussed on the camp, so that the infestation has not yet
turned outward from the epicenter. Should the murderer (if any) be
identified to the director’s satisfaction, however, or should the
campers succeed in escaping the camp, we can expect the infection to
spread outward, perhaps explosively. It may therefore be best if the
campers remain confined here, at least until the relevant strain can be
identified, any reservoirs of infection eliminated, and unobtrusive
inoculation be provided to residents in the affected areas.
Accordingly, I have thought it wise to apply for a position as the
camp’s doctor. If the management agrees to the arrangement, it will
put me in a position to help ensure that the campers remain here until
such time as we can be confident that the epidemic is contained.
The director’s security arrangements naturally make transportation of
items like tissue samples out of the camp something of a challenge.
Nevertheless, I will make every effort to provide the committee with
whatever materials I obtain, so that work on identification of the
relevant disease strain, and development of antidotes and vaccines if
necessary, can begin as soon as possible. I expect to operate on the
assumption that reliable transport will not be available, though, and
to set up a full field laboratory here, which will also allow me to
pursue any side avenues of research that seem valuable.
I have written separately to our colleague Ni Jianyi, giving him a
fuller description of the camp. Ni Jianyi is a scientist and a
scholar, and I can hardly think that he would desert his current work
in order to attempt to steal powers and/or objects of magical virtue
from vulnerable children - but I hope you will think that I have done
my best for you. If he does arrive, I shall consider myself to have
been recalled. Given our organization’s limited resources, and the
overlap between Ni’s areas of expertise and my own, it would make
little sense to keep us both on the same field project. And as you
know, his bunny rabbit gives me the creeps.
Best regards,
Muraki Kazutaka
Poll Vote!
Character: Sohma Shigure
Series: Fruits Basket
Job Idea: Teacher/Professor/Instructor (probably of a writing or literature type, but expanding it to a "general studies" kind of thing would work, too. He'd probably just neglect those other areas, heh.)
Canon: Shigure is one of the Sohma family, cousin to Yuki and Kyo, cursed by the spirit of the Zodiac Dog. (He turns into a dog when weakened, or hugged by a female.) Free-spirited, dramatic, obnoxiously cheerful and quick to laugh (often at others), he's also a bit of a pervert who revels in sexual innuendo of all sorts, and the prospect of seeing young girls in high school uniforms. Many people write him off because of this, but he has a good heart, although he can be manipulative when it suits him. He's also blunt and perceptive to a fault when it comes to the hidden motivations of others, possibly because he does so much hiding of his own. Shigure is a novelist by profession, although a very lazy one who often drives his editor to suicide attempts, and his most popular novels are the "romantic" ones he writes under a pen name . . .
Really, I don't know where this ugly rumor came from. Of course I'm not accepting employment at Camp Fuck You Die just for the opportunity to ogle soft, nubile young high school girls in their unnatural habitat! Perish the thought! I'm here because I care about the budding youth of tomorrow. The fact that this youth includes dear, dear, innocent Tohru-kun and her dear young female friends never even entered my mind.
Nor am I here to escape the dread clutches of my editor (the manuscript is as good as done, honestly!) or to torment my darling cousins. They do a good enough job of that by themselves--it's enough to make a big brother figure jealous! Who am I supposed to tease now? You see why I had to take the job, Yuki-kun, Kyo-kun. I'd be crushed if you two got so wrapped up in each other that you forgot all about me. Unless you let me watch.
So, my beautiful young campers, allow me to introduce myself! I, Sohma Shigure, will be taking on the task of instructing you! Just because it's summertime doesn't mean you should let those minds of yours go to waste. Letting them linger on untoward things is perfectly all right with me, but what will your parents think when you come back home with your brains full of smut? I know what I would think, but I'm not your parents. Female students, are, however, free to call me "Daddy" if they--
--who threw that? Today's youth is so cruel!
Now children, let's all turn to page 83 of my newest novel, Burning Passion of the Winter's Night. I think this will be a very educational session for all of us.
Poll Vote!
Character: Kurosaki Isshin
Series: Bleach
Applicant #1
Job Idea: Camp doctor
Canon: Isshin is Ichigo's father and the town doctor. He's
insane, irresponsible, and rather immature, and can't relate to any of
his three children. Unlike the rest of his family, he is unable to see
ghosts, and is sometimes bitter over this. He frequently launches
surprise physical attacks on his son (with retaliation by Ichigo), and
the two have a mutual relationship of abuse. Despite this, he does
care a lot for his family, and wants to protect them.
Hellllllllloooooooo, campers! Kurosaki Isshin, number one camp doctor,
has arrived! Daddy knew he had to come when that counselor's
application marked "One summer, one camp, one hundred million yen!"
came in the mail. Why, Daddy was once a counselor himself at Camp
Wee-bide-a-wile, back in the college days!
Tonight will be the first annual Camp Fuck You Die marshmallow roast
so Daddy can meet all of the campers and have a heart-to-heart! He
tried to talk to some of the campers before, but they just drooled and
said, "Braiiiiiiins..." This must be the hip thing to do! Daddy
just can't keep up with all of the trends these days because Karin and
Yuzu don't talk to him anymore! They're in those difficult years of
adolescence and never tell their poor old man anything.
And Ichigo never tells Daddy anything, either! He didn't mention
staying at Camp Fuck You Die, but perhaps he wanted it to be a
surprise for his old man. He's learning so well! Daddy always knew in
his heart that Ichigo would be the pride of the Kurosaki family,
carrying on the virtues of stealth and skill and manliness!
Ah, Daddy spies his son now! Time to whip out the special secret
Kurosaki disguise bandana and greet him! Daddy will just wait until
he's at that window and...
ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Applicant #2
Job Idea: Camp doctor
Canon: Isshin Kurosaki is the father of Ichigo Kurosaki
and his twin sisters. He's a GP doctor and runs his own clinic. Very
flashy dresser. You will often see him in garish colors and ruffles. A
very wacky fellow. Fond of drama and not especially good at the social
graces. Loves his family to distraction. When you hear him speak you
might think he's insane as he tends to refer to himself in the third
and second person. On the surface he is a family man who is a bit of a
goof but has a good heart. At least... that's what he appears to be.
He has a secret identity that's been revealed in the latest
chapters.
AH! Yuzu says Daddy needs to emote more in his
blog entries. The fourteen year old rulers of this interweb thirst for
it. Daddy thinks they might possibly be little teenage vampires.
They scare Daddy.
Daddy heard about this job opening from some seedy fellows on the
corner. They made it sound so nice. Open bar! Beachfront condos! Happy
children for Daddy to help! Great summer fun. Daddy brought his purple
polka dotted swim trunks for this special occasion.
Daddy knows his manly chest and fantastic fashion sense makes the
ladies melt but they must stay back! My heart belongs to my beloved
Masaki.
Darling!! Why did you leave ME?!!!!!
See, daddy is good at emoting.
I haven't met any of the campers yet, but I saw some friendly people
on the drive in. They were walking rather stiffly and tried to climb
in my car. Daddy waved and wished them good day but I was already a
little late so I couldn't stop to chat. One of them even tried to
climb in my car for a personal chat (about brains I think) but Daddy
had to forcibly remove him. Daddy is a nice guy. Didn't even comment
on the fellow's odor. Though I might slip some incense or something in
that fellow's cabin.
Already my services seem to be needed. Daddy has heard that someone
died. Justice must be served! Daddy forgot to pack his JUSTICE CAPE so
he had to use one of the old towels instead. With it, I become CAPTAIN
JUSTICE! Fighting crime! Righting wrongs! Punishing those who
trespass... and Ichigo. He get's extra punishing.
Daddy has to go now. That stinky fellow from before is knocking on his
window. Need to find some Febreeze or something for him.
The smell is too much for Daddy. Maybe I need to start some sort of
hygiene class for the nice campers. I'll put that on my to do list
next to "Sucker Punch Ichigo".
Daddy signing off. Yuzu! Did I do right? Can I get a cookie now?
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