Money Can Buy You Love. And Glitter: Chapter 37
Summary: AU set approximately three years after Adam Lambert won Season 8 of American Idol. He has a successful career but after a string of failed relationships, has more or less given up on romance and is focusing on his career to the point of being a workaholic. He still has trouble with inappropriate appearances of the glambulge during performance and still loves glitter. Kris Allen is a singer/guitarist from Arkansas who moved to LA nearly two years ago to try and break into the business and get away from a small town and family life that became uncomfortable after he came out of the closet. He's just about ready to give up hope of making it into the business. He's still wearing plaid.
Rating: This chapter is PG-15.
Ship:: Adam/Kris
Story chapters:
Chapter 1: Meet cute in coffee shop Chapter 2: Car trouble Chapter 3: Geocaching? Chapter 4: Dinner and a picture
Chapter 5: Bring your boyfriend to work day Chapter 6: Date at the museum
Chapter 7: Opening the door Chapter 8: Showing the cracks Chapter 9: Cracked eggs, cracked plaster, cracked plans Chapter 10: Hunger games Chapter 11: Inspired, tested, and almost-dazzled Chapter 12: Define slutty for me
Chapter 13: Decisions, decisions Chapter 14: Of moms and meat Chapter 15: Holding on Chapter 16: Coming clean
Chapter 17: Dusty disguises and dodging the issue Chapter 18: Punked and paint
Chapter 19: This glitter is not meant for internal use Chapter 20: Home improvement
Chapter 21.1: Sharp edges and sweet tongues Chapter 21.2: Sharp edges and sweet tongues SECOND HALF
Chapter 22.1: Holding close and laying out Chapter 22.2: Holding close and laying out SECOND HALF
Chapter 23.1: Messes and make up Chapter 23.2: Messes and make up SECOND HALF
Chapter 24: Taken Chapter 25: Stuffing Chapter 25.2: Stuffing CONTINUED
Chapter 26.1: Feeling full Chapter 26.2: Second entry Chapter 27: Winning Chapter 28: Thirty-eight cents
Chapter 29: When you walked in the joint Chapter 30.1: I could tell you were a man of distinction Chapter 30.2: A real big spender Chapter 30.3: Good looking, so refined Chapter 31: Spend a little time with me
Chapter 32.1: Spend a lotta time with me Chapter 32.2: Chapter 32.3 Chapter 32.4 Chapter 32.5
Chapter 33: Well, I can do the mashed potato. Well, I can do the twist Chapter 34: Leashes, collars and cuffs! Oh my! Chapter 35: On the carpet, off the script, on the table Chapter 36.1: Consequences, unintended and otherwise
Chapter 36.2: Consequences cont'd
Chapter 37: Turkey baster bukkake
Bang! Clatterkling!
"Kris! Kris! Are you there?!" Adam yelled into the phone, while Dani broke into the first laughter she'd had since looking at the plus sign. "What's so funny?" he hissed at her while shoving her hip with the toe of his boot.
"I...." Kris scrabbled around on the floor, reaching for the phone and his keys. "Hold on! There!" He gripped the phone in tight fingers. "What the hell did you just say? I dropped my phone and my keys, but I couldn't have heard right, right? I know Dani said you were her back-up sperm donor, but--"
"Back up SPERM DONOR?" Adam shrieked. "What the hell are you talking about?" He set the phone to speaker because maybe Dani could make some sense out of this. If she stopped laughing.
"Yeah. But I didn't know you'd actually... donated! Don't you think that's the sort of thing we should talk about? Or do you consider your sperm solely your business and not mine?!" Kris challenged.
"Donate? Sperm? Business?" Adam parrotted, looking down at Dani, who had slid off her couch onto the floor, laughing her ass off. Well, that was ... good, he supposed, given how distraught she had been just minutes ago. "I don't even..."
"Because I'd like to know if you're spraying your sperm around, changing our lives!"
"SPRAYING sperm?" Adam exclaimed. "Like what... a facial or bukkake? I don't--"
"Bukkake? Is that some sort of fancy turkey baster? Did you do it with a turkey baster?" Kris yelled.
"I..." Adam sat down hard on the edge of the coffee table, then yelped as he slid off it on to the floor. "Turkey baster bukkake?"
"OHMIGOD, did you use my turkey baster? The one your mom gave me? That's just wrong." Kris shook his head. Lord knows he had lost most of his inhibitions the second Adam had touched him the first time, but still. There had to be limits somewhere. "Did you disinfect it before? And afterwards? Because turkey is full of germs --"
"Turkey baster? Like where? Our kitchen?" Adam made a circular motion with his hand next to his temple as he looked at Dani. Kris had gone crazy. And so had Dani, the way she was clutching her stomach and rolling on the floor. "I don't cook, so--"
"Yeah. Did you do it on the table or the kitchen island? They'd be the right height."
"To do what?"
"You know... to be the sperm donor. Homemade-like." Kris waved his hand around. "You know, in Dani?"
"In Dani? OHMIGOD, NO! She's like... my sister! It would be like you basting Laney!"
"Are you calling Laney a turkey?" Kris asked in confusion. "Because Laney's never said anything about back up sperm donors."
"And besides..." Dani choked out through her laughter. "Neither of you would know how to handle the girl parts."
"So you went to a clinic so they could handle the girl parts?" Kris accused. "When?"
"I didn't go to a clinic!" Adam hurried, trying to explain. He flicked Dani's cheek to get her to stop laughing like a crazy person. He was surrounded by crazy people. It was a sad and sorry situation when he was the sane one in the group. "Or use a turkey baster or-- You know what, I'm not shaken up any more. Dani and I will come over to our house."
"Humph. Maybe I'll still be here and maybe I won't!" Kris picked up his keys and threw them on the tile floor once again.
Clatterkling!
He smiled. He liked the sound they made.
"Krisssss..." Adam began laughing.
"It's not funny! You're making babies with Dani without telling me?"
"Hedgehog..." Adam tried again. "Don't leap to conclusions like that. I'm not the father father."
"What the hell does that mean?"
Dani snatched the phone away from Adam. "Men. Useless. Let me explain. Brian is the sperm donor, but as my mother warned me..." Dani trailed off and bit her lip, willing herself not to cry again. She looked up when Adam stroked her hair.
"Me too!" Adam inserted, hoping he could push her out of being stuck in sadness. "I warned you too."
"Yeah, you all-knowing boy behind the curtain."
"I guess I should be glad that at thirty-one, you're still calling me boy."
Dani kicked Adam and continued after taking a deep breath."Well, he... he wants nothing to do with me or the baby..." She could only hope he didn't try to find a way to make money from this. She bit her lip, regretting having told him at all. So much for doing the right thing.
"I'm real sorry, Dani," Kris said softly, clenching his fists. He'd like to pound Brian... which meant Adam was probably making elaborate plans involving dismemberment.
"Thanks." Dani swallowed hard and leaned into Adam's hand. "And Adam here, after freaking out about the news because here was a situation he couldn't control and concocting grandiose schemes involving dismemberment, calmed down--"
"That was calm?" Kris asked in disbelief. Then again, given how Adam had learned about the baby, then Brian, then made a decision... no wonder he was agitated. If nothing else, he was probably working hard at restraining his anger about Brian in front of Dani.
"Well, yeah, actually." Dani smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes. She had cried all night, all day, cried all over her Mom and then Adam. His poor shirt was probably ruined, which had made her cry again and then Adam and Kris had made her cry tears of laughter. Thank god. But she really hoped the crying jags would end. Same with the morning sickness. "He calmed down, decided not to kill Brian with his bare hands and we talked for a long time. And he suggested... and we talked some more and....he's..."
"He's gonna be the daddy. The real dad." Kris smiled, first in relief, then excitement. "Awesome. Super awesome! Kickass awesome! Then I get to be the gay uncle! The guncle. Awesome!"
"So you're excited?" Adam confirmed. He'd assumed Kris would be happy about it, but realized when he picked up the phone to call Kris that it was a bad idea to assume. People surprised you all the time.
"Hell, yeah! I just told you I wanted kids sooner than later -- or do you not remember the red carpet? Sheesh." Kris laughed. This was so great. Adam had done the right thing and made the best choice ever! They had so much to talk about and probably had to make Dani happy too. "So what are you two doing over in your little apartment? You both need to get over here and we'll watch chick flicks and eat ice cream and popcorn and call Brian all sorts of horrible names! And Adam probably wants to plan little leather onesies!"
Adam rolled his eyes. "OMG! That is what I was saying when I called you!"
"No, you didn't. You said that Dani was pregnant and you were going to be the father!"
"Stop being so... literal!" Adam argued. "Read between the lines."
"Lines? What lines?" Kris banged his head against the wall, then stopped. Damn, that hurt.
"Did you just bang your head against the wall? Don't do it. That hurts."
"No shit, Sherlock!" Kris put his hand on his chest. "I swear to God, one day you're going to give me a heart attack. A real live heart attack."
"Well, technically a real live heart attack would probably make you dead so--"
"Weren't you just telling me not to be literal?"
"Yeah, but it's way more fun to get you into major hedgehog mode." Adam grinned as Dani picked up her purse. "It calms me down."
"That's... perverse."
"No, perverse is Susan Boyle singing Wild Horses."
"True that." Kris nodded. "So... you get Dani over here -- along with some of her dvds and pjs-- and I'll go get some ice cream and other junk food. But wait.... She needs to eat healthy."
"Aren't you always telling me ice cream is healthy?" Adam asked as he bent down and rummaged through Dani's stack of dvds. Chick flicks, that's what the girl needed. She loved Hugh Grant, so...yes, there they were.
"Again, true that."
"Dani -- go get some stuff so you can sleep over," Adam ordered. Dani stuck her tongue out, but went back to her bedroom. "So ice cream... you're not going to shove it down my pants again, are you?"
"Hey, when we went to our hotel room, I licked your cone all clean for you."
"Well, you can have more of my cream later. Right now, priorities."
Next chapter is here----> Chapter 38: Ball juggling