Not a silver spoon
Author: archaeologist_d
Title: Not a silver spoon
Rating: G
Pairing/s: none
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, the knights, Gwen, Gaius
Summary: Arthur is a pillock, telling Merlin to clean out the stables with a spoon. The arse.
Word Count: 1019
Camelot_drabble Prompt: 470, You're threatening me with a spoon?
Author's Notes: unbetaed,
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
------------------------------
“You threatening me with a spoon?” Merlin tried not to scowl. Arthur, dancing around him, waving a little spoon-barely big enough to hold a grape never mind anything larger, was just looking ridiculous.
“Oh, no, Merlin, not a threat. This….” Arthur twirled the utensil with a bit of extra flourish, then bounced it off Merlin’s forehead. “Is your newest tool. I had it made specially for you. For,“ Arthur paused dramatically as only the git could, a huge grin on his face. “Mucking out the stables.”
That’s not how Merlin thought the day would go. Maybe time off or at least an extra bit of cake or even Gaius making his favourite meal? It was his birthday after all, although Arthur didn’t know that.
But instead of joy or a friendly punch in the arm like Arthur was wont to do, he was being mocked. Again.
Great.
“I…. you… that’s… not possible. Horse shit wouldn’t… it. You supercilious asinine cabbagehead.”
“It has come to my attention that you aren’t throwing your back into it.” Arthur’s grin grew wider, seeming to enjoy the glare Merlin sent him. “I want to make sure you do a thorough job. Clean out every nook and cranny. And with this, I’ll be sure of your undivided attention to detail.” He shoved it into Merlin’s neckerchief, then patted it down.
Merlin growled, “I’m not using that, you clotpole.”
“Would you prefer to clean out the stables with your hands?” Arthur said, looking as pleased as Merlin had ever seen him. “I could arrange it.”
The prat looked like he was serious.
Merlin gave him another scowl, then thinking of using his magic once Arthur wasn’t looking, snapped, “Fine. It will take ten times as long, but whatever you want, you clotpole.”
“Oh, it won’t take that long.” Arthur waved off Merlin’s comments like it were nothing. “After all, I will be there to supervise.”
Shit.
“What, you don’t have a kingdom to run, courtiers to bore? Other servants to annoy? Your sword to twirl around and impress all your idiot boot-lickers?” Merlin was furious. It would take hours and he’d smell of horse dung for days after. And dinner would be cold at best or gone to feed the pigs.
“Nope, free as a bird today.” Arthur leaned forward, whispering, “It’s my day off.”
If Merlin could have turned Arthur into a toad, he would have.
Arthur just grinned again, shoving Merlin in the direction of the stables. “So, hop to it!”
---------------------
Merlin dragged his feet as long as he could. In his head, he’d already killed Arthur a dozen times or else magicked the spoon to do the work itself while Merlin took a well-deserved nap.
The stable was dark inside, horses rustling in the hay, and Arthur behind him, crowding him as if to make Merlin walk faster. Babbling something about honour of the kingdom and how every servant reflects on the royal dignity.
Merlin tried to block it out, but finally, he looked around and thought if he started, Arthur would get bored and go be an arse to someone else. With a heavy sigh, he knelt down and reached over with the spoon as if to scoop up the first of the shit when from the back of the stables, there was loud laughter and Gwaine calling out. “Oh, Merlin, you missed a spot.”
Suddenly getting pulled up by Arthur and clapped on the back, Merlin stumbling a little as he did, he was surrounded with his friends, Gwaine and Percy and the rest.
For a moment, Merlin thought that maybe they were there to celebrate but instead Gwaine grabbed the spoon out of Merlin’s hand, shaking his head as he did so. “You know, this is for desserts, right?”
Merlin scowled at him, not quite sure what to say, feeling deeply disappointed and not a little upset, and grabbed it back. “And now it’s for shovelling shit. Apparently. Are you here to supervise me, too?”
Flicking his hair a little, Gwaine said, “Nah, that’s the princess’s responsibility. Although… we could stick around to see if you do a proper job of it.”
Hurt a bit by his so-called friends going along with Arthur’s malice, Merlin gave a sigh, then turned to face the wall, not wanting to see them watching him be humiliated. As he started to kneel down again, Arthur didn’t let go, kept him upright even as Gwaine said, “Now, best to start at the back and work your way forward.”
Leon spoke up, “Or muck out the side stalls first and then the back.”
“Maybe start in the middle and work your way around?” Percival said.
“I don’t know. Random is best, I think. Keeps the horses on their toes or hooves, right Merlin?” Elyan smirked when Merlin shot him a glare.
“I have a better idea. How about all of you just take this spoon and shove it up your collective arses, you bunch of…?” Merlin flung it at Gwaine, who grabbed it out of the air and then started dancing with it as if winning the tourney. The others roared with laughter and clapped a little as Gwaine gave a final flourish and bowed, handing off the spoon to Arthur.
“Merlin, we have another chore for you, first,” Arthur said, hitting Merlin’s head with the spoon again, then tucking it away in one of his pockets. “The dung can wait.” Tugging him along, Arthur pushed his way out the back and down into the town, guiding him to Gwen’s house.
They all tumbled inside.
There on the table was a cake and tarts and jugs of wine, Gaius and Gwen grinning and shoving a glass into Merlin’s hand. Each of them shouting about his happy day, clapping him on the back for being such a good sport, and then tucking into the food and drink.
Merlin felt warm all over and not just from the drink.
Finally, Arthur came over, punching him in the arm, then handing him the spoon. “You know, Merlin, it really is used for desserts.”
Merlin hit him with it.
Title: Not a silver spoon
Rating: G
Pairing/s: none
Character/s: Merlin, Arthur, the knights, Gwen, Gaius
Summary: Arthur is a pillock, telling Merlin to clean out the stables with a spoon. The arse.
Word Count: 1019
Camelot_drabble Prompt: 470, You're threatening me with a spoon?
Author's Notes: unbetaed,
Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
------------------------------
“You threatening me with a spoon?” Merlin tried not to scowl. Arthur, dancing around him, waving a little spoon-barely big enough to hold a grape never mind anything larger, was just looking ridiculous.
“Oh, no, Merlin, not a threat. This….” Arthur twirled the utensil with a bit of extra flourish, then bounced it off Merlin’s forehead. “Is your newest tool. I had it made specially for you. For,“ Arthur paused dramatically as only the git could, a huge grin on his face. “Mucking out the stables.”
That’s not how Merlin thought the day would go. Maybe time off or at least an extra bit of cake or even Gaius making his favourite meal? It was his birthday after all, although Arthur didn’t know that.
But instead of joy or a friendly punch in the arm like Arthur was wont to do, he was being mocked. Again.
Great.
“I…. you… that’s… not possible. Horse shit wouldn’t… it. You supercilious asinine cabbagehead.”
“It has come to my attention that you aren’t throwing your back into it.” Arthur’s grin grew wider, seeming to enjoy the glare Merlin sent him. “I want to make sure you do a thorough job. Clean out every nook and cranny. And with this, I’ll be sure of your undivided attention to detail.” He shoved it into Merlin’s neckerchief, then patted it down.
Merlin growled, “I’m not using that, you clotpole.”
“Would you prefer to clean out the stables with your hands?” Arthur said, looking as pleased as Merlin had ever seen him. “I could arrange it.”
The prat looked like he was serious.
Merlin gave him another scowl, then thinking of using his magic once Arthur wasn’t looking, snapped, “Fine. It will take ten times as long, but whatever you want, you clotpole.”
“Oh, it won’t take that long.” Arthur waved off Merlin’s comments like it were nothing. “After all, I will be there to supervise.”
Shit.
“What, you don’t have a kingdom to run, courtiers to bore? Other servants to annoy? Your sword to twirl around and impress all your idiot boot-lickers?” Merlin was furious. It would take hours and he’d smell of horse dung for days after. And dinner would be cold at best or gone to feed the pigs.
“Nope, free as a bird today.” Arthur leaned forward, whispering, “It’s my day off.”
If Merlin could have turned Arthur into a toad, he would have.
Arthur just grinned again, shoving Merlin in the direction of the stables. “So, hop to it!”
---------------------
Merlin dragged his feet as long as he could. In his head, he’d already killed Arthur a dozen times or else magicked the spoon to do the work itself while Merlin took a well-deserved nap.
The stable was dark inside, horses rustling in the hay, and Arthur behind him, crowding him as if to make Merlin walk faster. Babbling something about honour of the kingdom and how every servant reflects on the royal dignity.
Merlin tried to block it out, but finally, he looked around and thought if he started, Arthur would get bored and go be an arse to someone else. With a heavy sigh, he knelt down and reached over with the spoon as if to scoop up the first of the shit when from the back of the stables, there was loud laughter and Gwaine calling out. “Oh, Merlin, you missed a spot.”
Suddenly getting pulled up by Arthur and clapped on the back, Merlin stumbling a little as he did, he was surrounded with his friends, Gwaine and Percy and the rest.
For a moment, Merlin thought that maybe they were there to celebrate but instead Gwaine grabbed the spoon out of Merlin’s hand, shaking his head as he did so. “You know, this is for desserts, right?”
Merlin scowled at him, not quite sure what to say, feeling deeply disappointed and not a little upset, and grabbed it back. “And now it’s for shovelling shit. Apparently. Are you here to supervise me, too?”
Flicking his hair a little, Gwaine said, “Nah, that’s the princess’s responsibility. Although… we could stick around to see if you do a proper job of it.”
Hurt a bit by his so-called friends going along with Arthur’s malice, Merlin gave a sigh, then turned to face the wall, not wanting to see them watching him be humiliated. As he started to kneel down again, Arthur didn’t let go, kept him upright even as Gwaine said, “Now, best to start at the back and work your way forward.”
Leon spoke up, “Or muck out the side stalls first and then the back.”
“Maybe start in the middle and work your way around?” Percival said.
“I don’t know. Random is best, I think. Keeps the horses on their toes or hooves, right Merlin?” Elyan smirked when Merlin shot him a glare.
“I have a better idea. How about all of you just take this spoon and shove it up your collective arses, you bunch of…?” Merlin flung it at Gwaine, who grabbed it out of the air and then started dancing with it as if winning the tourney. The others roared with laughter and clapped a little as Gwaine gave a final flourish and bowed, handing off the spoon to Arthur.
“Merlin, we have another chore for you, first,” Arthur said, hitting Merlin’s head with the spoon again, then tucking it away in one of his pockets. “The dung can wait.” Tugging him along, Arthur pushed his way out the back and down into the town, guiding him to Gwen’s house.
They all tumbled inside.
There on the table was a cake and tarts and jugs of wine, Gaius and Gwen grinning and shoving a glass into Merlin’s hand. Each of them shouting about his happy day, clapping him on the back for being such a good sport, and then tucking into the food and drink.
Merlin felt warm all over and not just from the drink.
Finally, Arthur came over, punching him in the arm, then handing him the spoon. “You know, Merlin, it really is used for desserts.”
Merlin hit him with it.