(no subject)
Bill Tanner wanted to express joy at the news, but, instead, he felt concerned and confused. Men like him, the ones who stayed within the corridors of HQ all year, could afford marriage and family so long as their spouses understood their binding ties to the MI6. Men like Bond, whose faces were most visible to the enemies of the MI6, whose lives were ruled by the unexpected ring of the telephone, did not have the luxury to cultivate marriages and families. Bond, so Tanner thought, knew that. He knew that his next mission might demand weeks of work away from England. He knew how much a target he was to those seeking to disrupt British operations, or those who just wanted to survive. In short, he knew how incompatible his life was with marriage, and yet he had decided to marry the woman he had been dating-living with-for a few short weeks.
He knew how easily distracted Bond could pretend to be when they were outside, taking note of a car or a building or a stray philosophical thought that had nothing to do with the personal nature of the questions Tanner asked, but Tanner did not want to interrogate Bond inside where everyone could hear them. Tanner assessed his friend as they sat outside, debating if Bond would answer the questions or dodge them. Bond had been upfront about the girl save for a detail or two he dismissed by saying Tanner wouldn’t believe him. Bond became hesitant when Tanner pried, and flashed a vague emotion that vanished into an unreadable detachment. Tanner guessed that the emotion was fear, but having thought of no reason why Bond might be afraid, shrugged off the guess and dealt with the void of clues.
Tanner was quite surprised when Bond answered his questions directly. Yes, he was aware of the danger and yes, he knew his life was incompatible to traditional married life. Evidently the girl accepted this and the possibilities of long absences, danger, and death. She was a very adventurous girl, he said, who had lived a dangerous life before she met him and would live a dangerous life after. When Tanner asked what it is that she did, Bond smirked and replied, “She’s a journalist.”
Tanner didn’t know whether to take that answer seriously. Depended on the journalist, didn’t it? As long as she didn’t go snooping after him to get the next big story on the MI6. Tanner still had his reservations, concerns and confusions, and was positive that none of those worries would disappear soon. He also was flirting with resignation, and, by the time both re-entered the building laughing and discussing the latest HQ follies, Tanner felt just a touch of happiness. He didn’t think their kind “deserved” happiness. He knew happiness avoided them like the plague if it could, but that they snatched it on the rare occasions happiness and sensations resembling happiness passed their way. If they found some formula to make it stay, well, what else was there to do but celebrate? They had accomplished a rare feat: melding happiness with a high-demanding, dangerous job. If anyone could do that, he thought, it might as well be Bond, who had so far proven himself to be a skilled problem solver. If he could solve this little problem, then no problem was beyond his ability to solve.
He just had to hope circumstances would be kind to his new living arrangements.